This is a Global Player original podcast.

Hello and welcome to Amber and Vogue.

Vogue and Amber.

The pods feature FT emo emojin.

Yeah.

I told Amber.

She wasn't there to talk about being sick, and now she's just gonna cough.

So we all have to listen to that instead.

I've tried to dose up.

I've tried to dose up.

There is one silver lining out of it.

I can't smoke.

Yeah, I'm so.

That's shocking to me.

Amber could be dying of tonsillitis and she's still outside puffing away.

No, not right now.

Not right now, girls.

So we had Alexander's surprise party.

Yeah.

God, that was stressful.

Trying to keep that in.

And we went to Shaish Kebab.

Anyway, before that.

Before that, we're getting ready and we'd organized to go to this restaurant before we went to.

To me, desperate.

Yeah.

And we're all standing there, like, having a good time, getting ready, watching Harland beat England.

And then we.

The door open, the front door open.

And we're all like, you know, he gets such a fright.

And you're like.

And then I was like, oh, my God, am I not.

He's like, why are you all looking at me so strangely?

I was like, I thought.

I thought it was the kids.

Why would I get so frightened by my kids?

I wouldn't.

Spenny did quite well thinking on his feet.

He came up with a very, very quick excuse, but I just.

I can't lie.

I just had to evacuate.

I went downstairs and I was like, mom, what.

What is he doing here?

Mom, what have you done?

She'd want.

She'd want to do that.

What do you want me to do?

He wanted to go over and get some clothes.

Do you know what we want you to do, Sandra?

Maybe call us so we know that it's happening.

Like, give us a call.

Sandra, Imagine you're like, two seconds, you've got a mobile phone.

So do I call it 25.

She was having a good giggle when I rang her in a panic.

You leave my Ray alone.

Ray.

Do you know what Ray is, Emma?

One time my mom was talking and she was just like, oh, yeah, But Ray such and such and such and such.

I was like, who's Ray?

What is she talking about?

She's like, it's Alexander.

And I was like, why do you call him Ray?

My little ray of sunshine.

I've actually, there's been a couple of occasions I've heard her call me Ray.

Oh, I don't think so.

Bolt.

Lightning.

Bolt no, Ray.

Ray.

So the surprise happened.

We went for dinner and then we went.

And this.

I.

I definitely still think that he knew.

I don't.

I just don't even care anymore.

I'm just glad it's done.

I don't like.

I don't want to do anything like that.

Just like.

Can we just.

I think there should be a rule, right?

Birthdays till you're 10, then you're finished.

Says you're one who's after like some.

Some follow up baby showers.

I'm owed to two babies.

Imagine that.

Emo.

You get pregnant two extra times and nothing.

It was too difficult.

You're in London, Amber.

Please.

That first one was brilliant.

That should have accounted for all three children.

The first one wasn't even that good.

And I'm pretty sure I had to organize most of it.

No, you didn't actually.

If it was good, it was me.

That's why it was good.

And this is why you didn't get another one.

Ungrateful.

So Amber.

Amber came over to see us.

Obviously we love when she comes over and she was like desperate to get home on the Sunday and I was like, God, I thought she would have left a bit later on the Sunday.

Little did I know it was actually a bank holiday in Ireland and she could have stayed till Monday but scampered on.

She knows I don't.

Wait one little buffer day when I get back to get myself organized, to get all my clothes washed, ironed, all that type of stuff.

No, no, no.

You'd be the exact same vogue as if you wouldn't go home a day early.

What clothes were you washing in ironing?

Because you didn't bring any clothes.

You brought a few pairs of knickers.

Very valid point.

Very valid point.

Washing and ironing my pits.

Sure.

Me smalls.

So I just gave them a bird bath in the sink in the bathroom.

They're hanging up there in the shower.

Oh.

What?

What?

Involved in your week, Amber?

Well, obviously we did our first record in person.

Yeah.

And I found it very.

I think I was overwhelmed.

Over stimulated with emo.

As if she was emo.

As if she was a mime artist with all the actions and stuff like that.

You beside me and then trying to read the screen.

I like, I like where I have a bit more control and.

Sorry.

And then we were told that we were going to meet the sales team in Global and we thought it was like we were going to just have a meeting in an office with a couple of people.

Boardroom maybe, like.

Because I said it like maybe eight people.

I was like.

And that.

That was like maybe eight people on the sales team.

You, me, emo and Louisa.

And I was like, to be totally fine.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Like 40 people.

Would we say emo?

40 people just standing there.

Yeah, I just.

I was glad I had a good bit of powder on the face to absorb all the sweat, you know, the perspiration.

But as we were going into the room, because we were walking through the office, I was like, looking forward to seeing the boardroom.

And then Louisa, we came in and I was like, hold on.

What?

There was two.

Two seats with like two mics.

And then there was another one.

She's like, yeah, I'm just gonna sit here and you guys sit there.

And I was.

And Louisa looked at me, she's like, I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

She wasn't sorry at all.

Louisa's never sorry.

Louisa thinks it's hilarious.

I said to her, like, oh, yeah, I'm handing in my book tomorrow to the editors.

And she's like, oh, really?

I was like, yeah.

How would you even know that I finished that book?

She did not give me one single day.

She never thought once, I'm going to put the book in her diary now, so she's time to write.

Not once.

I've been like a lunatic last year trying to get that book finished.

And even now I'm like, can I.

Is there any days off this week?

Considering it's hand in day.

Like I need to be in hand in day.

I thought I was getting to review that, considering there's quite a few stories about me in it.

I'm not giving it to you.

It's hand in day to my editor, who then gives it back to me, who Then I put more stuff in and then I give it back to them, then it goes through legal and then it comes back to me.

And then I might let you read it before it comes out to legal.

Otherwise, I tell you that much.

It is.

It is on pre sale as well.

I might as well get that out there.

It's on pre sale links in my bio.

Big mouth.

Okie dokie.

Anyway, there's only one bad thing about you in there.

No, there's a few.

Vogue, you sent me a few excerpts and I was like, nah, nah, I don't want that in no thing.

Well, you can read the whole thing and just see how you feel about it.

So I'll just give me the digital version and what I'll do is I'll do control f And I'll look at every mention of me and we will see.

You'll be left with half a book, I'd say.

Yeah, you send me back your edits and I'll make sure I edit it properly.

Right.

And add some.

Some pieces.

Okay.

So anyway, back to London.

Yeah, I definitely decided I want to make more trips over to London because I actually don't even think.

I went over once last year.

And obviously because it was a family affair, I didn't get to see anyone I know over in East London in it.

But, yeah, the Banker Vogue.

Sorry.

Anyone, like, who enjoys an extra day off?

You want to get home and just get your bearings and be prepped for the week ahead.

I hate that there's like different bank holidays in England and Ireland because I always miss them all.

I don't know how it lands, but for some reason I never am in the right place at the right time for the bank holiday.

And then England has different ones to Ireland and I just feel like I can't even relax.

Some of them cross over, but we're.

I think.

I think we're pretty spoiled here in Dublin in terms of.

Or in Ireland, in the number of bank holidays we get that Saint Bridges.

Say that you have now everyone posted about it.

I used to make wreaths in school.

That's what mom said.

Yeah.

What do you think we did in school?

We used to make them as well.

For God's sake.

She's the first Irish patron saint folk.

Irish female patron saint Sage.

Oh, my God.

I can't speak.

What else happened to you this week?

I went to.

Well, when we were on the way back.

The reason I got that flight as well is because Frederick and Emma were getting it.

But we were in the airport and I was teeing the two of them up.

I was like, would you get Chinese when we get to the airport?

There's a nice Chinese in Heathrow.

Oh, it's beside your sushi, but it's nicer.

Oh, my God.

It was.

Oh, my God.

I've never been there.

Sat down.

Lovely Nazi gang.

Spring rolls.

Delish, delish.

And dumplings.

Perfect.

And it wasn't the type of Chinese that you kind of feel guilty or you're going to have nightmares because of all the MSG in it.

Well, I had a fat and I just in.

In my.

It's called Ph A T P H U C.

It is the nicest prawn lax.

And I was like, right, I need the prawn lax.

I need to get spring rolls.

I need to get two Things of dumplings I need to get.

You got them on Monday.

No, I got them on Sunday.

And I got the duck pancakes.

And I, I, my eyes were bigger than my stomach.

But then I was heating them up on Monday.

I had a great two days.

I got that for my lunch and then I got, I got pizza for my dinner.

And then the next day I was like, well, I've loads left over.

So that was my lunch and dinner the next day.

Because you had the duck, the duck pancakes on the pizza.

I had a duck pancake.

Cold.

It was cold because I couldn't put it in the microwave because I got cucumber in there.

I would, you see, I wouldn't be bothered.

I wouldn't care about stuff like that.

You know, the way people like, you can't put coleslaw on that.

You can't put rocket if you're toasting it.

I just launch it.

The Sammy.

Off we go.

Your childminder texted me a video.

Was it yesterday or the day before?

And she was like, he learned that from you?

Otto now says Jesus Christ.

Oh, God.

I wondered because I don't say the full Jesus Christ.

I was like, where did he get that?

And he's so.

He knows what he's doing.

Jesus Christ.

And that's.

Sorry.

When Theodore started saying sake, I was like, that's Amber.

I don't.

You, No, I don't really say that.

You do.

You do.

No.

So Mom, I got mom when she was over, obviously she was sitting down and she started going through all the swear words with them because, you know, the way she likes to do that with children, sisters, cards.

What normal activities seem suspicious when done at 3:00am Anything done at 3:00am I.

Just, no, not really.

I was gonna say cooking.

And then I was like, well, no, not if you've been on a night out.

That's totally justified.

Then I was going to say ironing.

And then I was like, well, no, not if you're going to get in the flight and you need to iron your clothes.

And then I was like, what else would be suspicious at that time?

Maybe having a bath?

No, I had one when I was sick.

I had to have baths at 3am I just don't like any activity done at 3am I even think foxes are weird when they're just walking around at 3aM like, where are you going?

Where are you going at this time?

Well, they can't be out during the day because people will see them.

I once caught the foxes, two foxes out here playing with a tennis ball in Our car park, Good fox behavior.

I just think at 3:00am, like, I remember when I was having one of my nervous breakdowns in when I was away with Span.

I was having like a panic attack and I had to go outside at 4am because I was, I knew I was just being really weird and annoying.

So I went outside to be alone and I saw a man walking along the road at 4am and I was like, where's that lunatic?

Probably Mark Wahlberg.

He gets up like 4am now this guy was definitely some kind of murder.

That's one thing.

That's one thing that's suspicious to do at 3am, the gym.

Well now if you, if you're jet lagged, I suppose there's a reason to do anything at 3am but if you're in your right time zone, you should just be sleeping.

Yeah.

No, I used to wake up when I was pregnant.

I used to wake up and it would be around 2 or 3am every night and I'd have to get up, have a can of Coke Zero and cheese on toast.

Had to have it 3am what?

Let me go back to bed when I was pregnant.

Yeah, if people do that.

Some people do that, sleep, eat as well, get up in the middle of the night and have a can of diet Coke and chocolate bar.

What's the most overrated invention or trend in modern life?

I hate tick tock dancing.

I hate it so bad.

I think if an invention is like smart fridges, certain things that just like, are obsolete and they break within, like, within like months of you having it.

Like a smart fridge.

Like, what does a smart fridge do?

Hey, Alexa, put bananas on my shopping list.

Yeah, I'd love that.

What I will say to you is that I years ago was offered this, like, it's almost like, it's like a big box that you do your dry cleaning in and you can put like a couple of coats in.

I said, no, who is gonna need that?

I deeply regret it.

Like I just having to drag my coats now, that coat because I went out obviously on Saturday night, fell asleep in all my clothes and my coat and I thought, that coat needs to go to the dry cleaners now.

And if I had my little dry cleaning box, it would just put it.

In a bag, for God's sake.

No, I think we've gone there for.

The next three months.

I think we've gone too far with smart devices like smart washing machines and dryers and fridges and all that type of stuff.

I don't, I think it's a step Too far.

Amber wouldn't let me buy an ice machine.

I saw an ice machine for 80 quid and I was like, that's perfect.

We love ice machines.

You've never.

She's always down the Summit Pub looking for ice for free ice.

She goes down with a black bag.

She's like, see how far I can push it.

I just.

I'm a neighbor.

I just up the road there.

Neighbor, get your own bloody ice.

I do go to the shop.

I get my eyes as well.

You know what I got recently?

Literally sitting in a box outside at my front door.

Well, Spenny got gifted it and Lou tell me that Spencer didn't want it, but she thought she should pass it by me.

A ninja slushy machine.

He was willing to pass on a ninja.

I said, don't you dare take that home, Louisa.

That is coming straight.

Oh, Louisa was off to take it for herself.

I was like, no.

She knew.

She did say there was some kind of ice cream maker as well, but that doesn't seem to have come home.

Anyway, the slushie maker you can put in your frozen margaritas.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll have to give you a couple bottles of that.

I don't know if I should go to bring it to Ireland or leave it here.

I probably do more drinking in Ireland because when I.

When I'm around you, I tend to drink well.

There's more bottles of that stuff.

The remarkable cocktail stuff here.

Oh, God.

That really, that really.

That.

We had these remarkable cocktails but they actually lent us a slushy machine.

And it was at Amber's party.

Never again.

And.

And everybody was like, these are delicious.

And then all of a sudden I saw people dropping like fl.

People were like, they weren't considering that it was like proper alcohol because it just tasted so nice.

There's.

There's a lot of learnings from that party.

So Amber in assisted MO insisted on basically giving everyone a four course bloody meal.

A party.

Do you think anyone wants to go to a party and eat anything other than a crisp and drink?

That's all they want to do.

She's making a rice salad.

She's cooking sassos.

I'm making a rice salad.

Making a regular salad.

Making sassos.

Making veg lasagna.

Making proper lasagna.

Oh, there might be a couple of veggies.

The waste was shocking, Shocking waste.

Yeah.

I was eating sausages for three days.

I was like.

No, yeah, there will only be crisps.

There will only be crisps the next time.

Thank God.

What is the most stupid thing you've ever heard someone say.

Oh, I have a good one.

Okay.

Today is today, Tomorrow is tomorrow.

But that won't mildly mask my tears.

Love you, dad.

Sure.

Always.

Or something like that.

You didn't even want to see him if he got to choose.

If he got to speak to a dead person, he didn't even choose him.

Because as I still stand over my point, it's valid.

He wouldn't have a lot to say.

I actually made a rolling list when we were in Amsterdam.

One of my friends, she kept coming out with absolute clangers.

Nishi, like, clangers.

I was like, oh, my God.

Like, we went to a gay bar.

And she was just like.

It was just all a bit too gay for me, you know?

I'm like.

And then another thing.

And then another thing.

She's like, yeah, just too lesbian, you know?

And we were.

I really wanted to go to a karaoke bar.

She kept on saying no.

And every night when we were on that strip, the gay strip.

D.

I hate to go to Amazon.

Can we go to the karaoke bar, please?

And she's like, amber, I don't sing.

I raped.

I love Michigan.

That sounds like something I'd say.

I.

When I was in abstinence, I found myself not joking.

Not in a brothel that's called the red light district.

No, no, no, it wasn't in the red light district.

1.

A friend of ours who is two wilds to mention, he basically said, oh, we just have to go to this party.

We're gonna go.

And I was like, no, we're gonna go home.

He's like.

I said, stop this party on the way home.

And I was like, like, no, we're actually gonna.

We're gonna just go home anyway, so we all get in the car and we go to this party in this house in a normal neighborhood.

Go in, there's this big bar.

And I was like, hang on, this place is great.

I was like, wow, what a house.

And then I was like, oh, oh, hang on a second.

And yeah, turned out it was a brothel.

I think that's all changed over there in terms of the red light district and everything like that.

Because I remember years and years I went and it was different, but wouldn't be my scene now, you know, I don't think I'd.

I hope not to find myself back at brothel, but never say never.

I don't know.

I did.

They were all very friendly and very nice, I must admit.

What's something stupid?

What's the stupidest You've ever stupid thing that you have both ever heard someone say.

When my friend.

So I went to uni in Cardiff, which is in Wales, when my friend came to visit me, she was like, oh, do they charge for data roaming here?

Oh, stop.

And I was like, oh, babe, that's bad.

Are you still friends?

Yes.

And now she's in charge of a whole human child.

Oh, God.

I had a friend, and she probably listens to this podcast.

I'm not slagging you, by the way, but you did say this.

She came over.

She came over to Aberdeen to visit us, Amber, when we were in uni there.

I think I know who this is.

She's like, what time is it over there?

No, there's nothing worse.

Okay, next one.

Amber, what is something you wish more people knew about you and why?

Oh, that's a good one.

I find that.

No, I find that a very difficult question to answer.

What, they knew more about me?

That I'm quite sensitive and a deep thinker.

Is that too.

Are you a deep thinker?

I've only seen you.

I've only seen your shadow.

Thinking.

I haven't seen.

I haven't really.

What would you say?

It's a tricky question because that's just like.

Is it like something boisterous?

Is it like, oh, that I have, like, two birthmarks.

Do you?

Well, yeah, we all have the same one at the back of our head, and then I have one on my inner thigh.

I, I, I.

Well, I don't know.

I think when you start doing something like this and people start to, to know you for what you're actually like, it's a lot.

It's, it's, it's better.

Like, I think before I started doing podcasts, people just thought that I was a complete rsol, to be honest with you.

Now they think I'm less of an rso.

Oh, I was gonna say.

I'd say they still have that opinion.

No.

Well, also, I think people think that I never see my kids, and I, I spend a lot of time with my kids, and I'd say that I'm a very good mother, if I do say so myself.

Yeah, okay.

That was a hard one.

What's a kid food you secretly or not so secretly still enjoy as an adult?

Emo.

I know.

You'd eat shite.

I'm the same.

I'd still, I'd still eat it all.

I literally just had a pepperoni.

What the hell is a pepper?

Those long sticks.

Yeah, it's dried meat.

I've never had one of them.

In my life, I'd love all the sweets that we used to have.

I'd still eat chicken goujons.

One of my favorite things, of course.

Chicken goose has a hero meal.

Have you ever had someone make you a chicken goujon, though?

Like, from scratch?

The difference is phenomenal, you have to admit.

There's just.

Although there's.

Do you know those southern fried chicken dippers?

The big ones from Marks and Spencer?

Yeah, they're good.

The kids have.

And beans.

I love beans.

I overdid it on the beans there a few weeks ago, so I'm.

I'm having a bit of a hiatus from them.

Jesus.

I'm.

A spaghetti hoop.

No, I would not.

Pulls off spaghetti hoops anymore now.

No, Emo was.

You have a spaghetti hoop.

No, they're not for me.

Oh, I remember.

You remember.

You used to get the spaghetti bolognese in a can or the spaghetti meatballs in a can.

No, no, no.

Or Spam in a can.

Spam and a come.

Okay.

Who is an underrated artist or band that you always recommend?

Mary Bloody Black.

We do.

We do talk about it.

I, like, I also am mad for Kneecap now, and I saw that they're not underrated.

I know they're not underrated, but they're new on my horizon.

I listen to them a lot.

I listen to stuff like.

Like, I was cycling into.

Into Umo.

I'm always with him on there.

And I was cycling in, and I was listening to Snoop Dogg Doggy Style, the album.

And I was like, if anyone could hear what's going on in my ears right now, like, it's so savage.

So stuff that he's talking about in those songs, and I'm just.

It's so bad.

We used to call that all the.

What is it?

2001 chronic.

And then NWA 2001 chronic is like, that's my.

When my funeral's gone on, that's what I want.

Playing that whole album.

All great songs.

Okay.

Do you prefer a bath or a shower?

And why.

Oh, my God.

Shower.

100ammo.

Shower.

Shower.

It's more efficient.

Well, obviously, like, I think a bath is a real treat.

The fact that mom sometimes has two baths a day, I'm like, you have too much time on your hands.

Like, oh, the path is just a lot of investment.

I.

I will say, when I was sick, I couldn't get out of the bath.

I had to get in and out of the bath, like, maybe six times a day.

It was so bad.

And they really are helpful if you.

Feel like when you share emo, do you let the water wash your feet or do you pick your feet up.

And wash them unless there's, like, visible dirt on them?

I just let them do the work.

Yeah.

The odd time now if I'm feeling like a real treat, you know, get.

The fingers in between the toes.

Oh.

If you could instantly master anyone's skill, what would it be?

Languages for me.

You already said that before.

Yeah, languages in my language.

Yeah.

I'm not all right at languages.

I just.

I've never mastered them fully, maybe.

Or music, like being, like, pitch perfect and being able to, like, pick up any.

Any instrument, just play it perfectly.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or a good singer.

So impressive.

So, Amber, I thought that.

Moving on from your horrendous pillows.

I have them right over there.

I can show you.

But, like, I do have to say, like, no, I'm not taking a hit on this.

This is bad.

This is like, just gonna get a name for myself.

Unwashed pillowcases can harbor 17 times more bacteria than the average toilet seat a report finds.

I mean, I'd sit in the toilet seats in Global, but I wouldn't sit in her.

Well, you used to when you were younger, your little dirt bag.

That's what.

That's how we used to fight with each other.

We used to, like, go and sit in each other's pillow with our.

Rub our pair of bums on the other person's pillow.

It's probably why I got words.

Baby.

I remember.

I'll never forget ever running upstairs to do it to my pillow, and I'm like, it's too late.

Oh, God.

So here's a few things that are dirtier than your toilet seat or an armor's case or pillowcase.

Okay, no, apparently it's not my pillowcase.

Apparently it's my pillow.

And I could get you a pillow and show you they are white.

Your phone has 10 times more bacteria than a toilet seat seat.

I believe that people don't, like, clean their phones.

When.

When did either of you last clean your phone?

Come on.

I don't remember.

I probably did it about two weeks ago or last week.

Yeah, but.

But like, the thing about it is with phones now, do you never see the little vents at the bottom for listening and stuff?

They get filled with like, little bits of dirt and stuff like that.

It's disgusting.

Your keyboard.

I mean, my laptop's.

I was embarrassed my laptop did that.

I'm going to clean it after this podcast, cuz so it's got 400 times more bact Toilet seat shopping cart handles.

Oh, yeah.

Like, sorry.

I'd be a firm believer to still have the, like.

Oh, my God.

What's called the antibacterial spray to wipe down your shopping cart handles.

And then also for public transport.

You never do that when you are.

You tell me when you go down.

Super.

You're washing your shop and tr.

When they had the stuff there to do it when it was co.

Yeah.

And then masks as well.

For public transportation.

Definitely no, Amber, No.

Your kitchen sponge.

It's basically a bacteria hotel.

It could be 200, 000 times dirtier than your toilet.

Now, what I will say is we don't have a sponge.

I use those microfiber cloths.

I love them.

Yeah, but like, I'd say you got to be washing them every day.

Yeah, of course you have to on your bed sheets.

If you don't wash your sheets regularly.

On me, they collect sweat.

Honestly, I wash them weekly.

You make me paranoid.

Like, you make me paranoid.

When I was washing them, I was like, look, when I was changing them, I was just like looking at the pillowcases and I was like, well, she tough.

Is that bit there yet?

I know, I know from talking to people previously.

Now this is over the years and I won't be named names.

I remember asking someone and they genuinely said that they didn't wash their sheets, like only every two to three months.

And I was just like, you know how bad that is?

Because apparently, obviously you shed like 10,000 skin cells every night.

Oh, God, we're disgusting.

Humans are gross.

Well, I tell you what, I wasn't when I had, obviously, because I was a bit hungover on Sunday.

It wasn't that bad now, in fairness, but did I sweat on Sunday night?

And I woke up and I was.

Like, I'll tell you what, Vogue, when I went into wake you on Sunday morning, every bit of your pillow was yellow brown, a bit brown in some patches.

I should have taken a bloody picture for the pod.

That's what I was like, Vogue, are you in there?

And it was just such little slope.

What was.

What was the deal with you on Sunday, by the way?

I.

I fell asleep in Amber's bed.

Don't ask, right?

I'd had too much to drink, fell asleep when I was bed in my coat and everything.

And then Amber's like, get out.

Like, I don't want to share a bed with anyone at like 8 in the morning.

Like, she'd been sitting there waiting until appropriate time.

You were kicking me and stuff like that.

It was a Super king bed.

And you're still like, knee me and kicking.

Kicking me.

Anyway, then I go back up to my own bed.

I said, smelly, don't ask.

And I got into bed and I was like, I need to go back to sleep.

So I went back to sleep till 11.

And you're.

You're what woke me up at 11?

What are you asking?

I couldn't get back asleep after you, you big oaf, left the room.

I could have gotten.

You were just jealous because I was.

I was clocking up the errors for a hangover.

I was a bit jealous, yeah.

But it's too cold down there.

Like, that's probably why I'm sick.

There's some other bad habits, right?

Yeah.

That need to be eradicated.

Just canceled once and for all.

Picking your nose and eating it.

Oh, I.

I was on the tube and I saw a little boy doing that and his parents just did nothing.

And I'm like, come on.

No, emo.

Not cute.

No, never was.

The boy.

No.

That's disgusting.

They can be.

No, I think you should forgive like.

A three year old.

They do it mindlessly.

No, he got his finger up.

Yeah, but he's not eating it.

At least I've seen him put that finger in his.

Ah, stop.

He does not.

So listen, when you pick your nose and eat it, it spreads germs and can weaken your immune system.

Instead of strengthening it, leading to infections.

Can also rip the lining of your nose, leading to nosebleeds.

You used to get a lot of nosebleeds when you're younger.

Yeah, Amber, I was actually meant to get my adenoids caught, or whatever they're called.

I actually had a problem.

I do pick my nose.

I do.

I mean, I'm sorry.

We all pick your nose.

Like, you can't say you don't.

I get a tissue.

A tissue?

Oh, sure.

Every time you're getting, you're reaching for a tissue.

I don't know what you do.

I know a girl who once said to me, she's like.

She ever like.

Like you're just like sitting there doing something.

Then you put your baby finger in your mouth.

You're like, ew.

And then she's like.

Then you remember that you had it in your ear.

I was, that's disgusting.

I was like, no, no, that's rotten.

So another bad habit is spitting.

So spitting spreads bacteria and viruses.

It's also one of the most common ways of spreading infections.

And it's considered unhygienic.

Public spaces now sometimes.

Only sometimes.

If we're On a walk.

I might have to spit.

But that's.

But other than that.

That's because we're going for a walk and Amber's sparking up a cigarette.

I'm like, humber, we're.

We're going on a walk.

That's.

Before we get into it, Amber would.

Be like, I would be.

Then nearly a mile down the road.

Behind, I stopped to take photos.

No, should be voice noting somebody.

I'm like, am I in a walk alone or did I go with Amber?

You usually get someone to come with you.

Another one is now this.

I can't believe that people still do this.

Wiping back to front.

Well, Amber, I actually put that in for you.

Spreading bacteria from the anus to the urethra, increasing the risk of infection.

I know.

It's anus imaging.

Okay, I said a noose as a joke.

Imagine.

Oh, my God.

I never call her Imogen.

Okay, Amber and I have a couple of things that we want to deep dive.

I want to do a quick chat about the Grammys.

Did you watch the Grammys, anyone?

No.

Kendrick Lamar won five Grammys for dissing Drake.

Remember that diss track he did?

He's savage.

Jaden Smith made us all loathe him again.

Honestly, he went with a house on his head.

But.

But then I was like, but why is he at the Grammys?

I don't get it.

Why is he there?

Not because of nepotism anyway, because apparently him and the sister didn't benefit from their parents careers.

His successful career.

Yeah, but what?

I don't get it.

Like, I want to go to the Grammys, but, like, there's no goddamn way I'll be invited to the Grammys.

And he turns up with a house on his head.

Oh, I don't know.

He used to be best mates with the.

What are they called?

The Kardashians.

Then there was a Bianca sensory who showed up with Kanye west, obviously, and did her naked stunt, which are just.

I mean, she has the nicest body I've probably ever seen in my life.

I thought they were getting divorced.

I mean, did you see that little kid looking around the corner while she was standing there naked?

Like, I would go a mental.

Well, apparently they weren't invited.

Just went on the red carpet and then left.

I just find the whole thing, and I know everyone's like, unpacking it and being like, oh, she just looks dead behind the eyes.

He looks dead behind the eyes.

I've never seen either of them smile.

I think that they're both in this, like, weird Thing together.

It's just really strange.

And like, I mean, what is the point for her?

I just don't understand.

I don't really get it.

I would just be mortified.

But listen, he has no shame.

Oh, God.

What else?

Something that I want to tell you.

And Taylor Swift was snubbed.

Didn't win anything.

She looked like she was having the time of her life, though.

She looks like gray crack.

I have to say, Taylor Swift looks like she would be good fun to go on the piss with.

She was with your.

Your pal you love from that show made.

Oh, I love her.

Margaret Qualy.

They were.

They were hanging out.

And then.

Did you see the videos of Taylor Swift and Lady Gaga?

Absolutely wrecking it.

When I'd love to be friends.

Charlie XCX was performing.

It looked like great crack.

They aren't great crack, though.

None of those things are ever great.

Croc.

Oh, okay.

The best crack is to.

Well, I mean, if you're.

If you're.

Obviously if you're nominated for something, that would be quite a lot of fun.

But if you're just there like a pleb, like we would be.

It wouldn't be that much fun with.

Houses on our heads.

The worst part about Jaden Smith is that we would be lower rent than him.

Like, way lower rent.

Like, he is way above us.

And that's what's sad to me.

No, that's probably what bothers me so much.

And also, we want to do a deep dive on Chiara Ferragami.

But do you want to do that today or do you want to save it?

I think we need to save that because apparently some people are now saying it's all a big ploy because obviously they were two, like, big people in Italy and they were the perfect couple.

He was a rapper and she was like a goody two shoes.

So I think leave that for another day because we need to do a bit more research on it.

We're doing a bit more research on it.

But Kiara Faragami is basically a huge influencer in Italy and she married this guy.

And then there was a tick tock thing going around to say that he basically was seeing someone from before they got married, asked this girl to get with him, she said no.

And then he stayed with Kirari Ferragami, married her, and then kept going out with the other girl.

But we need to deep dive more.

That's what happens.

You need to learn how to pronounce her name.

Oh, sorry, I didn't realize you were Italian, Amber.

And also, sorry, I needed to correct you about your woman from last week because the woman that got convicted, right?

The forester.

Yes.

But you kept on saying that she is the woman who's with the guy now, and she's sending it to your man's ex.

Oh, yeah.

That's even weirder.

That's why I was like, I wonder if they're still together.

Ah, her boyfriend's ass, you know?

Did you not get that either?

I.

I thought she was.

No, she's not.

Yes.

That's.

So imagine, like, I started going out with Spencer at the start and started sending his ex girlfriend's video.

That's what's so messed up about it.

Like, is he still with your one?

Like, he couldn't be, because it's abs.

Like, I mean, this house is definitely.

There's a lot of loud noises that go on around this house.

There really is.

Like, Spencer thought I was downstairs the other day, and I was like, are you okay?

The kitchen.

So that.

But your one didn't get any jail time.

So she basically was sending the.

The like, ex girlfriend.

She was sending her videos of her farting, and she got done for.

Like, she got charged and everything, but she didn't do jail time.

So that was the update on that.

I just find it absolutely bizarre that you're mad and then, you know that video that was going around, please stop farting.

It does not smell good.

That's happened on a plane to me before.

And it's just like, oh, my God.

God.

Some of the farts on the planes.

You'Re like, that's why you have to.

Have to.

Have to wash your clothes the minute you get off a flight.

The amount.

Like, we're talking about bacteria.

Oh, my God.

I said it before and I'll say it again.

Those poor people that are opening the.

Plane door, I'd say some of them pass out.

I'd say something.

I've got another one.

Quick, get a stretcher.

But that's like being a really jealous ex.

I think that, like, member Paloma Faith, she basically paid for a billboard at the end of her ex's road to promote her new album with, like, a big, gorgeous picture of her.

And I kind of loved that.

That was, like, much better than sending fart videos.

Oh, stop.

I can't.

I can't.

Your one wasn't even the ex.

I just move.

Why would you be so bitter?

I just.

I.

It's just bizarre.

People are weird.

Did you hear about what the sexiest job of 2025 is?

What?

Podcasting.

So it's not looking for a man in finance anymore.

Well, not that I will be anyway.

In a study, thousands of singles confirmed what they think is the sexiest career.

And it was doctors, nurses.

Oh, yes.

And therapists who came out.

And top.

Now I would challenge therapists.

No offense.

Yeah, I'm not having a therapist like psychoanalyzing me when I'm having a complete meltdown.

And they're just like, well, come on, let's unpack it.

Come on.

Just.

Just relax.

Take a moment.

Take 10.

Anyway, a third of the men and women surveyed said that the health care is.

It's the sexiest profession.

With 26 specifically wanting a hot doctor.

The finance sector failed to make the top sexiest job of 2025.

Sorry, man in finance.

What do you think are the sexiest jobs?

Remember I used to go out with your man Dr.

Dave.

Remember?

And he was in.

We met him when we were in Wetherspoons.

Remember?

From Derry?

No.

Oh my God, Amber, you worked with him.

And I fancied him for ages when we worked in Wetherspoons.

No, that was a horrible job.

You didn't last very long.

I.

Listen.

What do you mean?

I was perfectly.

We both lasted the same amount of time.

Excuse me.

No, I worked well after.

Are you.

I was too busy with my studies, my six hours of classes a week.

What other.

We always kind of were.

We.

We used to work in the Summit Shop together when we were trying to figure out why both of us got fired.

And I got.

I know I got fired.

Yeah, I think I got fired for closing up early, which was only 10 minutes early.

I got fired for not opening up.

How did you know?

Because you're at a party.

I was only 18.

I probably was 17 or 18 at the time.

Yeah.

And yeah, yeah, was at a party.

And I was at a party.

I slept it out after being at a party.

But I remember being like, would he ever chill out?

I closed at 10 to 7.

But if the shops open at 7 to 7.

Very, very throat.

But then I think we were always quite good with our jobs.

I was worked in pubs and then we both worked in Brass Monkey.

I loved working in Brass Monkey.

Working in rest.

I like working in restaurants.

I think at least in restaurants you get to chat to people.

Remember we worked in San Francisco.

I used to get in trou for talking to people for too long.

Too much dwell time at the table.

So did I actually was the worst in terms of being so condescending.

I was like.

I eventually said it to her.

I was like, you do Know you speak to me differently.

How do you speak to the other girls?

And she was like, you just need a bit more attention.

Amber, you.

No, actually, I was gonna say, I can't imagine you being a good waitress, but I remember when he worked in Finlanders and you were quite a good waitress.

I was.

I was a bartender.

Thank you very much.

I remember they used to put me up the top and no one will come in.

So I just stand there and read my book.

I know I should have been probably cleaning the bar and stuff, but, like.

Stand there reading your book.

As if you could read.

Here we go, guys.

It's agony.

Amp.

So this is where you get in touch with me and give me your dilemma.

And we'll thrash it out between myself and.

And Vogue.

So here we go.

Hey, Amber.

Love you on the pod.

As Vogue would say, your gas.

My mom has decided that it's time for a family.

Excuse me.

Don't, please don't put words in my mouth.

I absolutely would not say that.

My mom has decided that it's time for a family photo shoot.

Thinking matching outfits, awkward poses, and way too many fake smiles.

You know the ones I meet mean the kind.

Jeans and a white T shirt.

Love them.

Yeah, I don't mind that.

Not that I've ever done one.

You know the ones I mean?

The kind that end up framed in your friend's house where you look like you're all trapped in an uncomfortable nightmare.

I really, really don't want to do it.

What sane person would?

I've tried everything.

Pretending I have plans, telling her I'm too busy with work, even accidentally spilling my drink on my favorite shirt in the hopes that you'll call it off.

But no.

My mom is determined.

She's going full force, thinking this will be the perfect family moment.

We're in this awkward standoff where I'm going to have to put on a jumper.

Like a twatter, smile in a way that looks like my soul's been crushed, and pretend like I'm not dying inside.

As I get my picture taken.

How do I survive?

I love.

I just.

Like, I'm.

I'm actually going to organize one for the kids pretty soon.

I love them.

Like when we.

When we have a new baby and we do hello.

Photo shoot.

Like I.

Like, I don't know if I would do it again.

But I.

I mainly did it because you get these amazing pictures where you've got your hair and makeup done and you've got all the kids in these pictures, and you've just Got them forever.

I love that voice.

Vibe I like.

But the last family photo.

Well, we obviously got photos taken on Saturday but like, I wouldn't turn my nose up.

I think it's a lovely thing to do in terms of capturing memories and stuff like that.

Maybe try and tweak it so you're happy with whatever is happening on the day in terms of what you're wearing.

Do it for your mom.

She'd obviously love it.

Yeah, she obviously clearly does love it if she's just ignoring all your excuses.

And it's nice to have those memories and then you can take the piss out of your.

Your siblings as you get older.

I'm sure.

Wouldn't we love to have had a photo shoot with our dad because where is he now?

He's not photo shoot ready.

So let's just consider that.

What was that?

Consider that I look like your man.

Lego laughs in one of our last.

Remember the ear is popping out.

I used to like I wasn't smiling our in our younger pictures because I used to have a big gap my my teeth that I hated.

So I used to just have this weird like close mouth smile and I tried to tie my teeth.

Yeah, I hated my teeth.

Why do you think I literally forced my parents to get me braces?

I hated them.

Well, I think it's a good idea.

I think you just got to suck it up and you just got to get on with it for this.

You gotta suck that up.

Thank you so much for listening everybody.

We've had a fantastic time and if you would like to listen to more where we'll be back with you on Thursday with the bonus where we will be deep diving.

Get at it.

This is a global Player original podcast.