Hello and welcome to the Borealis experience. I'm

your host Aurora, and I'm very excited to be posting this

interview today here for you. This time, I was interviewed by

two youngsters from the UK, Elliot oaks and jack white with

their podcast chatterbox. They got curious about my stance on

feminism, and meditation. They wanted to know if meditation

really helps with anxiety. And then we also chat about

jealousy, social media, and how, yeah, we can learn to be less

gentle, jealous, sorry, and more confident with ourselves. You

will learn tons about me. And yeah, I'm excited to sharing

this episode with you. Those two guys did a wonderful job.

They're great podcast host. Make sure to check them out.

chatterbox on Spotify, Apple podcast, and wherever you can

find

podcasts.

Should we be blaming an entire gender for what this one man has

done? Of course not. Some listeners may find the following

podcast disturbing Viewer discretion is advised. Today we

are joined with Aurora who is the host of the Borealis

experience.

Hello, hello. And yeah, thank you so much for reaching out to

me and for having me on your podcast. I feel very excited and

honored to be here with you.

It's lovely to have you're really, really is. So do you

mind telling us a little bit about yourself, then? I mean,

where did you start? What do you do? Who is Aurora?

So Aurora is a very diverse person, I would say I was born

and raised in Germany, and my family is French and German.

That's why my accent is maybe not harsh German. I'm a

physiotherapist who had to rethink her job now with COVID.

So I came up with the idea of starting a podcast that is

therapeutical. So I post meditations. And I invite guys

onto my show. Who opened up about pain and disappointments,

interest in Yeah, in doing so the listener is benefiting. And

the person who's on my podcast has kind of a cathartic

experience where they can release stress and pain from the

past and move on.

Yeah, I mean, that sounds like some really good stuff there. So

how did he start that journey then? Because it doesn't sound

like something that everybody kind of does. You know, how did

you get involved in that? Um,

I would say yeah, if we go a good decade back, I was raped.

And after that horrible incidents, my whole relationship

with with men, and yeah, dating changed. I have brothers and my

relationship with my brothers and with my dad also got worse

and worse. And I think it was my fear, my anger for men that I

had after being raped. That totally changed my character.

Also, I grew up in a family where the guys who are also

very, like aggressive and dominance, so I also grew up

with that mentality of Oh, man, that's never gonna dominate me

like this. And so all the same, my my relationship with men was

always troublesome and then being raped didn't hunger, of

course.

Yeah, I was just I was just gonna say, I mean, obviously,

your podcast is very male orientated as well as the you

interview a lot of male guests. You give a lot of advice to

male, male people on females, of course. So what sort of,

obviously, you had a hatred towards men, what sort of made

you transition between having a hatred for men to now helping

male oriented people,

it all started because my relationship to my brother in my

younger brother got worse and worse, and I felt like he didn't

want me to be in his life anymore. And that was very

painful. And then the me to movement 2018 make me realize

that all those women like rebel now and open up about what

happened to them, but then we're stuck in pain and resentment.

And is that helping society? Is that helping ourselves? I don't

think so. So what what can we do to heal our relationship with

men to trust again, and I think that's when I came up with the

idea to start interviewing men because I want to show to the

world that there's so many, like good men out there. And we just

have to start and focus on them. And taking our focus away from

those aggressive bullies from people who are behaving wrong

and dominating people treating them badly at their workplace

and shift our attention to guys that are maybe a little shy or

to two guys said, Yeah, I feel like they're not good enough to

start dating. And yeah, it's been very successful, like the

guys who come to my show open up, and there's other guys

listening and are like, Oh, that's cool. That's the new

masculinity to open up and to be vulnerable. And women who are

listening are like, Oh, shit, yeah, maybe I I have to start

healing, maybe I have to start to forgive and give a man a

chance. And, yeah,

so sorry to hear that happened to Aurora. You know, we're so

grateful you opens up about that absolutely horrific past event.

And it's interesting how you turn that extremely tragic

thing. And I know that even the worst are described as discussed

in us. Yeah, by you turn that event around to change the

perspective towards men, you know, it's truly remarkable. So

is that then how you kind of got into the meditation side of

things,

meditation is probably the last thing that I wanted to learn,

because, you know, I was always very anxious, very restless, and

even, like, aggressive. A lot of women who go through trauma like

this, like shift into the masculinity and the aggressive

way of living approaching life, and we totally reject the soft

and kind, feminine energy. So meditation started out to be

just two minutes a day, sit there with my thoughts with my

feelings, and then to go back to whatever I was doing. But

meditation really confronts you with what do you are trying to

run away from Actually, I was uncomfortable. But then the more

I did it, the more I was kind of being okay with that, and

allowing it more and more. And so it was a very, like, baby

steps that I had to use to start out meditating. And yeah, it's

doing me Well, no. And I want to share this with people who, who

still feel like they can't do it. They're to rest us because I

was there. And I know how hard it is. And I tried to, yeah,

relate to people who are at that stage. For many

of our listeners who might not meditate or never actually tried

meditating themselves. What would you say to them? What what

are the benefits to meditation,

so I can just talk about my experience, and it is making you

aware of what your monkey mind you know, your mind your racing

thoughts is all about that is always with you, you can

distract yourself with Netflix or porn or with binge eating

food, but it's always there in the background sucking energy

from you. So a lot of people feel drained right now. And they

don't know why they're sitting at home. But it is their brain.

Second energy from this system, because it's an over like

stimulating mode, it is costing you so much energy to think

about all these things that we think about. And when you are on

the internet, social media or watch the news, you always have

thoughts or opinions about something. Your monkey mind is

always judging, opinionated and wants to like, yeah, be there

and have an opinion. And when you sit down and meditation, you

can calm all this down, you can bring all your anxiety, your

anger or depression down and look at it. And from there, you

can reach like mental space. So to say that you can sort through

stuff, like, do I really want to have these thoughts, because you

are not your thoughts, your thoughts are just like something

blabbering on the whole day. And you can direct your thoughts you

can think of a river you can think of petting your cat or

hugging your dad or something. You can you can use your mind as

a tool instead of your mind using you. And this is what I

learned was meditation is to tame that monkey mind and turn

the volume down and tell it what I want my brain to think about

and not the The other way around, for sure, meditation

definitely sounds like one of those things where it's

definitely the best thing in order to achieve peace than

yourself.

I mean, just kind of relate it back to myself a couple for a

second tier is that I use an app called calm, and I do anywhere

from a 10 to 14 minute meditation session before bed,

like I can't really sleep unless I do meditation. So I've kind of

seen the benefits to meditation. And there has got a lot of

stigma where you think that, Oh, you do one meditation session,

and then you're going to be like a guru, you're going to be

completely calm. For me anyway, it's taken me nearly four to

five months to finally fully understand it, and then

integrate it within my day to day life. So would you say then

that Aurora, that meditation is the ultimate way in order to

achieve peace within ourselves?

I would say like besides exercising, and eating well,

that Yeah, reflecting and realizing what's going on in

your head. And clearing stuff out, that doesn't serve you

anymore, is very, very beneficial. Because this life

we're living in. Right now, this world is very fast paced, we

have distractions at every corner. And meditation kind of

brings you back to yourself, and you can go back to your dreams,

go back to how you feel. And from there, you can go out into

the world and be way more confident and solid with who you

are. And then you make better decisions for yourself, too.

I don't know if you know much about what's happening in the

UK. It happened in March, actually, this year. And it was

a very devastating case about a lady called Sarah everhard, who

was kidnapped and murdered by a police officer in the UK. I

don't know if you know anything about that. No, this is crazy.

So so it sparked a lot of controversy and protests in the

UK, surrounding women feeling safe in public places. And these

protests are still going rightfully so. And it sparked a

lot of hatred towards men as well, because it was a male

police officer that committed these horrendous acts. And

everyone's now blaming all of men for for what this one man

has done? I mean, is this sort of the right way of going about

things? Should we be blaming an entire gender because of

something that a small statistic of men has done? Is this

something we should be doing?

Of course, not like, we're hurting ourselves and behaving

that way, and we have to see that there is a couple of foul

apples, but we as women, this is what makes me so angry about

modern feminism, we cannot think that we can address that problem

by ourselves. We have to do it together as a team, we have to

to unite with guys out there who are there to protect us and who

are there. You know, yeah, as a team, I cannot say it in a

different word. Because those guys have to be called out. And

I'm sure that I know like you guys for instance, it must be

terrifying and so like bad for your mental health to know that

now every man is being like, looked at differently. Like it

is totally scary and no, this has to stop and it has to be

seen as a rotten apple that did something horrible but it has

nothing to do with his gender Yeah,

yeah cuz because because politicians are actually

bringing it up in the House of Commons now, which is the the

main place where laws are established in the UK, and

they're actually on about current viewing men now limiting

them to a specific time where they can go out socialize go to

work I'm sure there'll be expectations if something like

this was to was to come about it's it was a lady It was a

Baroness I think her name was Jenny Jones. She brought it up

in the House of Lords to say here let's make women safer by

curfew men do you think that something like this should be

happening?

Yeah, it is very scary. It's scary how politicians and think

that they have a solution to everything and it's harmful It

is so harmful to to go about things that way because we lose

you guys as support us then you guys who could protect us and

who could, you know, help us to like being against that war of

people who abuse their How do you say their power. We lose you

because you've been locked up in your house now and and

castrated. So to say

is quite worrying to think how things are going to pan out in

the future because we just don't know. So steering away from that

topic for a second to discuss the concept of failure,

specifically, where I'm not sure what you know, the end up

disappointing others or yourself, I'm quite curious to

know, have you got any tools and tips on how to overcome failure

and self doubt through meditation.

So if it's just yourself, and let's say, you started a

business, you did it, because you believed in it, and your

family told you from the start, this is gonna fail, you're,

yeah, you suck at this, blah, blah, blah, then you have to

know that you were brave enough to get out of your family and to

start something new to be a pioneer. And to know that when

you're pursuing your dreams and success, it is like the progress

is never linear, you will have to go through failure in order

to know that you want that goal that business 120%. So what I

like to do then, is to reframe the thought and the feeling

around failure and see it as a test. My God, How often have I

been tested for the four months now with my podcast, if I really

wanted to do it, you know, my technology failed. My self doubt

creeped up on me. And I just kept meditating and telling

myself, this is just a test. And I have to continue being on that

path. If I have the intention to better myself, or support other

people, and bring value to this world, of course, if you are on

a path of self destruction, or harming other people, or

stealing from other people, it is the universe telling you

Okay, you should get the fuck out of that, because this is not

good. But if your intentions are right, and you encounter

failure, just see it as a test. And would you say rejection is a

type of failure? rejection? While there's many types of

rejection? When it comes to dating? It's, of course very

painful. Is it in dating you were referring to or just?

Yeah, so I mean, being rejected? I mean, let's say you rejected a

job, you rejected a partner, like you just said to dating?

Would you say this is a failure? Or is this something that we

should be living up to? Or what would you think

i think it's something that we should said on end and reflect

about because sometimes we're being rejected by a potential

partner, because they can sense something inside of us that is

not matching with them. So for instance, if you are a guy who

wants to get married and have kids, and you start dating a

girl who's super pretty, but her intentions are just having fun,

and sex and everything, she wants sense pretty quickly that

you want something else, and she might reject you, not because of

your looks, but because she feels that vibe, that is not

much in hers. So again, just like with failure, I would stand

and reframe rejection, and also see if you apply for job, like,

Is it really the job that I want? Or is that rejection,

trying to tell me something about myself? Not that I'm a bad

person or a failure, but maybe I'm digging at the wrong hole,

maybe I should look for something that is more in

attunement with what I really want. Because sometimes

rejections are just the little, like sting before you meet your

dream partner before you get to your dream job. And that

rejection, in the moment feels super shitty. But the next day

or the week after you realize, oh, if I didn't have that

rejection, I would have never met that person or have the

opportunity for that job.

Yeah, I mean, I know you focused on rejection quite a lot in your

podcast revenue. I mean, what's your sort? What's your

experiences with rejection? I mean, any good any bad

experiences in your life?

Yeah, I always took rejection very, very personal because I

was very insecure with who I was. I was bullied at school. So

that doesn't help with self esteem. So I was sad, or it's

because I'm not good enough. It's because yeah, I'm reaching

for too big of a dream. And it's, it was not that I was just

reaching for a dream that was not an alignment with with

myself. I was trying to do something that was going to

please my parents, that was going to please society. And

obviously, I was not meant to do that. I was meant to do

something else. So looking back now I see. Rejection was there.

to kind of give me the right level slab to, to keep me going

into the right direction, different direction. But back

then it was very hard to sit there and to feel like our every

door is being closed in front of my door and nose.

Yeah, I mean, like you said that rejection is probably one of the

most painful emotions as as humans can like, kind of go

through. I mean, I've been through it several times, jack,

I'm not sure if you have. But yeah, it certainly took its toll

on me for sure. But you know, rejection can happen at any age,

though, right? Totally does it affect people at different ages

differently,

I would say, if he learned with age to, to see it, like to

reframe it and to see it as Okay, well, it was not meant to

be then. But it has nothing to do with my value. With my love

ability. I think you can learn to be more resilient, and to

kind of smirk a little bit in your 20s in your teens, is

extremely tough, because you still don't really know who you

are. And you don't know what the rejection is about. And we

oftentimes just make it about our self worth. And I would love

to help people and and make them see that it's, it's nothing to

do with their self worth.

But another thing of ganja. Gosh, I was just gonna say,

being young is the best time to be rejected because you know,

you've got plenty of time to, to, to work at that and move on,

you know. And I think like, like Elliott was just saying that,

you know, we've all been rejected, and I'm sure you have

as well, or you were just mentioning that as well. And

it's just something it's part of life, and you've just got to

learn to move on. And they'll always be something, you know,

better that comes along the way anyway. So

yeah, and maybe one last little thing there. Like, sometimes

just have the intention when you wake up in the morning, and tell

yourself today I'm going to go for rejection. Today, I'm going

to do things where I know, I might face a rejection. But I'm

just going to care, I'm just going to be confident I'm going

to be myself and ask. And let's see how that's gonna

get him. I was just mentioned there about teenagers. For some

odd reason, it just makes me think about the whole comparison

game. You know, don't get me wrong, it does happen with

adults as well. But especially with an increase in social

media. Now, I do feel that jealousy in comparison is just

kind of on the increase. So the question I'm trying to get out

here is effectively How can people start to feel more at

peace with who they are?

Mm hmm. So jealousy is always a sign that you're insecure with

yourself. So let's say that girl who has such pretty hair, who is

so confident and she has so many friends, I see her on on social

media and become jealous because I'm the opposite. I feel well,

maybe I could start feeling inspired. Instead of being

jealous, and inspired, not in a way that I'm going to copy and

paste now everything she does, but maybe see that she truly

loves herself. She's truly confident with herself and see

what can I do to feel that way? So it has to look like

initially, like going back to who am I? And what do I want in

life, and then to know that as soon as you know what you want,

you will also have that radiant and beautiful expression that is

so attractive to people. You see, like oftentimes we feel

like it is the physicality, like the physical appearance that is

so attractive, but it's actually what people are radiating.

They're radiating. I feel good. I know who I am. I know what I

want. And you can get there too. And it has nothing to do. Again,

with putting makeup on and starting to paint your nails. Or

for guys starting excessively to to work out. It has all to do

with find what brings you joy. And as soon as you're doing that

on a daily basis, you will have that attractiveness and attract

people.

Wow. Yeah, you know, I just need to start making notes. Because I

mean, this is really really interested. I was saying to the

last guests we had as well I need to bring a notepad to these

podcasts. She do jack Yeah, I know. But um, Aurora, obviously

you're your yoga slash meditation. Personal Trainer. Is

that the way to say it? Yeah, yes. So so I'm guessing you're

dealing with plenty of people, plenty of clients. What's it

like now during the pandemic, I'm guessing is a lot less

clients you've suddenly got and it's a lot more difficult to get

work. I mean, what was it like?

I was horrible because I had to shut everything down and sit

with myself. And then everything crept up on me again, what I was

successfully running away from. So now I can slowly have clients

again, but not as before. And it's okay. We have to be glad

and grateful. Sorry for what we have in the moment. And

yeah, for sure. And you just mentioned there about how during

the coronavirus pandemic, you kind of used your job in a way

to also distract you. Do you feel that distracting yourself?

is a healthy thing to do? Or do you think to avoid the problem?

Or do you think you should face the problem face on? Yeah, I

think there's a fine line between healthy distraction and

self destructive distraction. So when you're really actively

trying to run away from something, I know myself, and I

know how I tend to run away from realities that have to be faced.

So this is why when COVID came, I was like, Okay, well, now I

know what to do. I have to sit down and reflect and let go of

stuff that is still weighing me down. Yeah, so I think if you

become self aware, if you start to get to know yourself, you

will know right away, if you distracting yourself from

something, or if you're just enjoying life and not trying to

get like too hung up on on something. Do you know what I

mean?

Yeah, for sure. And as we were just talking about social media,

and the whole comparison game, do you believe in what promotes

them because you know, it's inevitable that people are going

to get affected in different ways? I'm just curious to know,

are you for or against social media,

I would say I'm totally for social media. But I feel that we

should all and that's not just for teenagers, we should all

learn how to use it better, in order to be aware how it affects

our mental health. So what I started doing is that I started

setting myself at a time and then always have like an

intention, why am I going on social media, or because I want

to message My friend, you know, because then you don't get too

lost to give yourself a guidance. And then to stick to

those guides, and then put your foot up, sorry, phone away, and

go on with your life and know that you have to have a hobby in

the outside world, be it a sport, be a painting, be it

music, whatever it is where you want to put your main focus. And

social media is just a little addition. It's just nice to keep

connected with our friends. But to kind of boil the importance

down. Yeah, that's what I would suggest. I don't know if it's

doable, or if it makes sense. But this is how I go about it.

Well, yeah,

definitely sounds like a way to maybe deal with social media

addiction and stuff like that, you know, it sounds like a

really good idea. And there are so many social medias out there

as well. Now everyone's on everything, you got LinkedIn,

you've got Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, I can't go out enable

the others. But there's so many, and people are dedicating most

of their lives to social media nowadays, and they are, it is

their life for some people as well. And I guess I could be bad

for your mental health. Totally.

And you know, what helped me too is that you can see that there

is consumers and creators. So the consumer is the person who

always scrolls and becomes jealous. And the Creator, of

course, can do the same and be jealous and look at competition.

But the creator can start and only focus on her or his

content, like you guys are maybe doing with the podcast. Now.

When you go on, you post your content, and you create content

for others, instead of being a consumer, because I feel the

creatives out there. There might be addicts too. But they have a

different kind of effect on it has a different effect on their

mental health. Because they are putting something out there. Do

you know what I mean? Yeah, 100% shifting from being the passive

consumer into I'm creating something, I'm putting something

out there that is a value for people. And then you feel

different about yourself too and more confident and know that,

okay, I'm actually doing something positive. And if you

don't want to be a creative if you just want to be a consumer,

then really check your time and check your intention and have a

hobby outside of Facebook that gives you a sense of self and a

good feeling.

You know what Just before we end, I thought it might be a

really good idea to see whether or not we could actually go

through a meditation session with you as our host. Would it

be something you'd be happy to do?

I would totally love to do that. Especially if I know that you

are back in a comfortable space. And you can. Yeah, actually

enjoy it. I would love to guide you through a couple minutes

there.

Yeah, that'd be amazing. I think I think me and Elliot at the

moment, you know, uni life mortgages were stressed.

Alright. And I think I think it's good. That if we, you know,

we try something like this. And for someone like me as well, who

doesn't meditate on a regular basis? I think it'd be really

interesting. You know, I might even take up meditation after

this. So yeah. Where do we start?

No pressure on me, then. That's awesome. Okay, you guys are

seated. You are comfortable where you are?

Yes. Let me adjust. I'm currently driving. Is that okay?

or? Yeah. So I mean, yeah, go ahead.

All right, what I usually tell my people is, so you feel your

sit bones on the floor or on the chair you're sitting on, right.

So now you can adjust your pelvis through your sit bones,

you can kind of bring your pelvis forward so that your

lower back arches a little bit. And then you can roll it

backwards, and then you kind of slouch. I want your pelvis. So

you have your feet if you see that grounded on the floor, and

you adjust your pelvis, just like we said, so that you have a

little bit of an arch and your lower back. And you will see or

feel right away that your spine is straight. So now roll your

shoulders up and back, your shoulders up and back, he let

your shoulders rest there and your spine is now in a very

straight position without any big effort without any big

muscle engagement. You can have your hands open up to the sky

resting on your thighs. Or you can have your hands for a more

grounding sensation, facing down, holding your knees or your

thigh kind of thing. And then you close your eyes, if that

feels comfortable. If not, you keep them open. And you start

noticing your breath. Usually, when we're anxious, the breath

is very shallow. When we're doing work, like for university

or social media, the breath gets really shallow. So just notice

your breath. Don't try to change it just focus in on your breath.

And the breath is the number one tool that can help you regulate

stress. So when we breathe shallow, our system our body is

kind of in a survival mode and doesn't know Okay, what kind of

stress are we dealing with. As soon as your breathing goes

deeper down into your belly, your body starts to relax and

your mind starts to relax to in return. So now relax the muscles

around your eyes, your jaw and your neck. Have your chin

slightly tact so that your neck is nice and elongated. And then

come back to your breath. And then of course your monkey mind

is going to kick in and be like, Oh my god, how long is that

going to take? Why am I doing this? I want to do something

else. And just know that this is perfectly normal. Every person

who meditates has these thoughts, they just don't talk

about it. And then maybe you're thinking about your to do list

or about a fight that you had. But come back to your breath.

Know that all these things can wait. And usually when we're

anxious, we're overwhelmed with too many thoughts. But know that

taking those couple minutes can give you so much relaxation. And

afterwards, you can be even more productive. And every time when

I stopped talking, notice your monkey mind kicking in again,

wanting to do something else. And you just bring it back to

your breath. Know that you're doing something good for

yourself. For your mental health. Maybe you can feel

Already that your anxiety levels are going down.

And if not, that's perfectly normal to focus back into your

breath, relaxed the muscles around your eyes. And what I

like to do sometimes is to go into birds perspective, and to

look down onto myself.

And to

sent myself some gratitude. Thank you for doing this. Thank

you for allowing some time. Thank you for always trying,

never giving up. Thank you for believing in myself. And when I

say these things, see how your monkey mind reacts? Because your

monkey mind might be saying, Oh my god, like she doesn't even

know me. What is this, I'm not worthy of this. And you just put

it like, turn the volume down of that little devil again. And if

you're perfectly fine, and then peace, then you're a bad as

meditator already.

Now bring your hands to heart center and kind of a prayer

position in front of your heart. Maybe even press your thumbs

into your sternum into your heart. Maybe you can feel your

heartbeat. And then you bowed down a little bit, just your

head a little bit down towards your hands.

and say thank you for making that time for myself. Thank you

for being here. Thank you for taking care of myself. must

stay. Wow. I love that.

Thank you so much. Well, I actually I'm feeling really

tired after that. I'm already feeling relaxed. And I did a

fast because I do it during bed time. And my brain is thinking,

Oh, it's time to sleep now. But the bird's eye perspective

thing. I've not heard about that before. That's something that's

super interesting to me. I know I do, given the thought positive

thoughts yourself. But never a bird eye perspective. That's a

really interesting technique that that I'll definitely add

into my little regime. While the end, thanks for ever so much for

joining us there all the stuff you spoke about. I mean, you're

such a powerful man yourself. Such a inspiration as the stuff

you've been through is truly magnificent to who has shaped

you to become who you are today. And I can't thank you enough for

joining us today on this podcast.

Thank you so so much for having me and for connecting. I'm very

grateful. Yeah, to have that time with you to connect with

you. And I'm hoping that our content here is being received.

Well,

thank you so much, Aurora. Thank you. And stay tuned for the

chatterbox podcast where we will be broadcasting every week on

Monday. So please do get in touch. And please do follow us

on Twitter at the chatterbox where we'll keep you informed.

Thank you so much for listening. Take care, and good night.

Yay. Thank you so much for listening to the Borealis

experience. And yeah, that was Elliot and Jake. I will have

them on my show here. The Borealis experience very soon to

ask them. Yeah. What are young people, young guys in the UK

going through? And how can we support men better. Thank you so