Why do some clients leave you feeling energized, while others leave you feeling totally drained? In this final episode of our four part series, we try to get to the bottom of just that. We're going to unravel the hidden patterns that silently exhaust wellness practitioners, And we're going to explore how a single mindset shift can transform your energy and your practice. So stick with us to find out how prioritizing yourself can lead to a more sustainable and fulfilling career. Welcome to The Conscious Practitioner, the podcast helping massage therapists and wellness practitioners align with purpose, create deeper client transformation, and evolve your practice, even if you feel stuck or burned out. I'm your host, Dr. Jess, and each week we tackle our biggest practice challenges, from burnout to boundaries and everything in between, and together we uncover the inner blind spots behind these outer struggles that, when mastered, transform you from a skilled practitioner to a truly impactful one. Today we're diving into a game changing perspective on burnout in part four of our special four part series called Why You Feel Drained After Treating Clients and How to Fix It. In today's episode, you'll discover why traditional self care strategies often fall short for massage therapists and what actually works, how deeply integrated caregiving might be silently fueling your exhaustion and a simple mindset shift to help you reclaim your energy and realign with your passion for healing. Through practical insights and a personal story that changed everything for me, I'll show you how to break free from the cycle of depletion and build a more sustainable and fulfilling practice. So with that, let's jump in. Alright, so picture this. It's Friday evening, and you're sitting in your car. Keys are still in the ignition, and you're too exhausted to drive home. Your body aches, your mind feels foggy, and then There's this weight in your chest, and it has become, oh, too familiar. You've just finished yet another week of back to back clients. And despite doing everything right, despite on paper your practice being pretty much perfect, you are as busy as you want to be. You're maintaining good body mechanics, you're taking breaks between clients, and you're doing all of the self care things. That you know you should be doing. You're doing it all. You still feel completely drained. What's with that? Now maybe you're thinking this is just the way it is, right? This is what it means to be a practitioner and maybe you're a business owner and this is just the way it's supposed to be. Because after all, we are all so used to feeling this way. Or at least many of us are. It's practically become second nature. But the question then is, does it really have to be? Now here's what I've learned after a little over 15 years in practice and working with hundreds, maybe even thousands of other practitioners at this point in time. The depletion isn't just about the physical demands of our work, although that does play a role. There's no question. In my experience, it's about something deeper, something that connects every challenge we've explored in this series. So think back over your last week. How many times did you put somebody else's needs before your own? And I'm not talking about just clients. All the times with family, with friends, even those quick text response when you really just need to unplug and rest. It's fascinating though, isn't it? How as practitioners and massage therapists, we excel at identifying patterns and issues in our clients bodies. That subtle little tension in the shoulder or the slight imbalance in the pelvic posture. Yet when it comes to recognizing patterns in our own lives, we often overlook what's right in front of us. Or maybe we don't overlook it. Maybe some part of us is indeed aware of it, but we tend to just maybe pretend like it's not there. So I want you to take a moment to reflect on the past three episodes, and if you haven't listened to them, you don't really need to do this, because this is a standalone, although all four parts go really well together. So far we've uncovered some pretty profound insights. We've talked about why certain clients should drain us more than others. We've gone over how scarcity thinking keeps us stuck in unhelpful and old patterns. And we've even talked about the impact of energy vampires and the importance of boundary setting. Now at the heart of all of these challenges lies a very common thread. It's a thread that once unraveled reveals a much deeper truth about why we can feel so drained. And it also reveals exactly how we can change it. ​So let me tell you a story. I discovered this particular thread in my own life during a quiet moment of reflection. I was standing in my epiphany chamber. Yeah, I've got an epiphany chamber. It is a magical place in my home. Some people, they call it a shower, but for me, no, it's my epiphany chamber. Now I found myself trying to figure out why I still felt drained. Despite implementing everything that we've discussed in this series, because I had set better boundaries. I was working with more aligned clients, and I did indeed have my boundary things, my protection practices in place. And then, in my glorious epiphany chamber, it is. Hit me. Every single one of those challenges pointed to the same core issue. I had made everyone else's needs much more important than my own, and not just with my clients, but with every area of my life. It felt like I was constantly borrowing energy for my future self to meet the demands of today, leaving me with less and less to give over time. Now these patterns, they can show up in many different ways, right? It could show up as taking just one more client, even when your body is just screaming for a rest. Or maybe it shows up by skipping lunch to accommodate a regular client's schedule, working a little late, maybe a little earlier. If you're saying yes to family demands, even when you're totally emotionally depleted, or maybe you're pushing through physical pain because your clients They're counting on you. So here's the hard part to admit. Sometimes we accept this self sacrifice without question, but at a deeper level and a subconscious level, it can indeed feel noble, almost like a badge of honor, a form of quiet martyrdom. But what if this mindset is actually a major contributing factor to our depletion? All right. So let's get a little bit deeper into this pattern of prioritizing everyone else's needs above our own, because here's what's really fascinating. This isn't just a professional habit. It's something that tends to run much deeper. And it's something that we learn long before we ever stepped into a treatment room. So during a recent coaching session I had with a practitioner, we're gonna call her Sue, she shared something that I found really profound. She said to me, I just realized I treat my clients the exact same way I treated my family growing up. Always available, always putting their needs first. Always making sure everyone else is okay before I ever check in with myself. Now, I don't think she said it exactly like that, that's just how I remember her saying it. And this really hit home for me because I recognized my own patterns in her words. It was one of those moments when somebody else is expressing their experience and you're like, Oh, wow, that hits real close. Because growing up, even though I was the youngest, I was still the big brother. In fact, my two older sisters still call me big brother, which again is strange because I'm biologically the youngest. I was the responsible one. I was the one who took care of others emotional needs. And perhaps this sounds familiar to you too. Because many of us choose to get into the wellness business precisely because we are natural caregivers. Here's the shadow side of that gift. We often learn to derive our own worth from how well we take care of others. I'll say that again. We learn our own worth from how well we take care of others. Which also requires the other people to tell us that we have taken care of them well. So this is not a great position to be in. Here's a way of looking at it. You don't need to stop and figure it all out right now. You don't really need to do a tremendous amount of archaeology and try and figure out the exact moment in life when you first started developing this pattern. But maybe the next time you feel the pull to prioritize someone else's needs over your own, bring a bit of awareness into it. Because awareness is super powerful, and it often begins with a single moment of recognition. You see, over the past three episodes we've been circling around this truth. When we talked about misaligned clients in part one, we were really talking about our struggle to honor our own needs. When we talked about the scarcity mindset in part two, That's often rooted in a belief that we don't deserve to prioritize ourselves. And then those energy vampires that we really dove into from part three, they show us exactly where we're giving away our power by putting other people first. for me, Letting go and becoming vulnerable has always been pretty challenging. I have this underlying programming that insists I have to be the responsible one, the one who's got it all figured out and got everything together. And then, as a teacher, I've built this super weird persona about having all the answers. And this has even followed me into some of my friendships, and it's not something I'm particularly proud of. And it's something I'm working on. So for me, to truly let go, Really hard. So then I decided to try psychedelic assisted psychotherapy. And an important part of this experience was indeed the financial investment I made, because turns out if you do it right, it's not cheap. And somehow paying a significant amount gave me permission to relax. That was an important part of it, to become vulnerable, to feel, Okay, I'm paying for this. This is somebody else that I'm paying money to, and they're giving me a service, and I deserve this space. So, that was important. Now, during the session, my usual guard Finally came down, or at least some portion of it did. It's hard to say exactly how much. I didn't really have the capacity to cling to my usual patterns. And for the first time that I can remember, I allowed myself to truly receive care without feeling guilty about it. It felt like accessing a part of me that I didn't know was there. And that experience changed everything for me because it revealed a pattern of self protection and constant giving that had dominated pretty much my entire life and kept me from truly letting others care for me. And I think that was the most powerful part, because yeah, there were some cool realizations, and there were visuals, and that kind of fun stuff, and there was some really heavy stuff that came up. But out of everything, the thing that to this day sticks out as the most profound was this moment, when I was starting to feel a lot of tension, and I just asked, I said, Hey, can you rub my shoulders? And the woman who was facilitating this for me, she said, of course. She gave my shoulders a little rub. And then a little bit later on, I felt my hip kind of getting a little stiff. And I said, can we focus on my hip? Can you help me with that? And she said, of course. And it was the physical care that, for me, had some of the biggest impact. Now, here's where it ties back into the theme of this series. That same pattern is why some clients leave us feeling completely drained. It's not about their needs or energy. It's about the space that we are not giving ourselves. Because when we are locked in this mindset of constant giving, we live no room to receive, no room to recharge or to set our boundaries. Now this moment of receiving care without guilt, it really did show me that it was possible. And when I allowed myself to prioritize my own needs, My needs, surprisingly enough, got met. It was truly the key to finally understanding how to shift from depletion closer towards some form of equanimity or balance. And not just in my practice, but of course, in my life. Potentially, more importantly, in my life. Now, I'm not saying you gotta go and take some psychedelics and have a therapy session. Although, it worked really well for me. What I am saying is, It's important to do something to help break this cycle, and asking help from somebody else is probably the very first step. Now, one of the important things to consider is, as wellness practitioners, our job is to take care of others, so we can always rely on the classic airplane example. You know the one. We've all been there. Make sure to put your oxygen on mask first before you help others. Yes, it is overused, but hear me out. It's overused because, well, it's true. In an airplane, it's literally true for your survival. But if you're grasping for air, you can't possibly have the capacity to help somebody else, and this is the same thing in our lives. It's not about being selfish, it's about being functional. So let's strip this all back now. Taking care of yourself, it isn't just nice. It's not just good to do when you've got some time. It truly has to be foundational. Because when you are drained, stretched thin, depleted, and totally pooped, you're not showing up as your best self. And that, of course, doesn't just affect you, but everyone around you, including your clients, and your loved ones, and pretty much your whole life. All right, so let's bring it all together now. Over the past three episodes, we've explored why certain clients leave you feeling drained. That's really what this is all about. We've talked about miscellane clients, scarcity thinking, boundary dynamics, the usual suspects, but here's the thing. Every single one of these challenges that I've shared have the same root cause, which is a pattern of putting others needs before your own. And now that we've really identified the root of the problem, let's now shift the narrative. The transformation begins with a single, powerful realization. You are your number one client. Or at least, you should be. Just as you carefully listen to and respond to the needs of your clients, you really need to start listening and honoring your own needs with that same care and commitment. And again, this isn't selfish. It really is foundational because when you are running on empty, you're not just shortchanging yourself. You're shortchanging the people that you are here to help. So the question might be then, how do I make this shift? So first, let's try and reframe what it means to care for yourself. Self prioritization, it's really not about just saying no to others. I mean, that's part of it, but it's also about saying yes to yourself. I know, cheesy. But again, it's about recognizing that when you take the time to replenish your own energy and you show up more full for your clients, for your loved ones, for your life, everything gets better. And imagine how much more powerful your sessions would feel if you were working from a place of abundance, not from a place of depletion. Now second, let's look at how inner work fits into this because that's kind of my shtick, right? When you treat yourself like your number one client, when you make space for self reflection, again, some magical things can happen. You get curious about what's really driving your decisions. those yeses you give when you really want to say no, the guilt you feel when you take time off, the fear of what might happen if you enforce a boundary. Inner work helps you uncover and reprogram those patterns so you can make choices that truly serve you. For me, this shift started with a single question. It was a question that I was taught during that psychedelic session therapy that I mentioned. And that question was this. What do you need right now? It sounds super simple, but for me, it was truly transformative. I began asking myself this question between sessions. What I mean is between sessions with my clients. I also asked myself in moments of stress at the end of the day, periodically, here and there, I would just ask myself that question with all honesty and genuine curiosity. What do I need right now? Now, sometimes the answer was physical rest. Other times it was a walk outside. More often than not for me, it was a quiet moment to breathe and take a step back. But over time, this practice became a way to reconnect with myself and rebuild my energy. So if you want to try it, I suggest you do so. I want you to try it. Right now, wherever you are, ask yourself, What do I need in this moment and then pause and really listen to your body to your mind to your heart? They're all speaking to you if you're just willing to hear them now It's also important to address the shadow side of this practice Asking yourself. What do I need right now can sometimes be misused or we can do spiritual bypassing with this technique We can use it as a way to justify selfish or inconsiderate behavior. To truly embody this question though, it's essential to pair it with empathy and compassion for others. Self prioritization doesn't mean ignoring the needs of those around you, it means balancing your well being with a deep, genuine awareness of how your actions impact others. Like all things in the universe, it's best done in balance. Focus on self, this is a yang activity. Focus on others, this is a yin activity. They are not mutually exclusive, but they are, in fact, synergistic. So to integrate this balance into our lives, we must remain aware of the shadow side of self prioritization. Asking yourself, what do I need right now? It's powerful. For sure, but it must be anchored in compassion for others. It's not about placing your needs above everybody else's. It's about ensuring we are all getting enough to meet our own needs. And we do this with empathy and care. Now, this synergy between self focus and outward compassion is what creates a truly sustainable and impactful practice. So finally, let's talk about some practical steps for integrating self prioritization and inner work into your daily life. Now, these don't have to be monumental changes, as I always say, they in fact, shouldn't be. They should be small, consistent actions that are 1 percent every single day, and these can create massive shifts. So number one, set boundaries. Start by identifying one area where you're feeling a little bit overextended. Maybe it's taking that extra client at the end of the day, or maybe you're skipping lunch to fit someone in and commit to protecting that space for yourself to create a ritual, develop a simple pre or post session ritual. That's just for you. It could be grounding exercise. It could be some breath work, maybe some stretching. Maybe you do some gratitude journaling. It doesn't matter what it is. This anchors your energy and separates your personal self from your professional role. It's a moment in time where you can ask that wonderful question. What do I need right now? Even if you can't get what you really need in that exact moment, at least you are aware of it and you've asked the question and that alone has a really powerful effect. And then, prioritize inner work. Dedicate time each week to self reflection. Ideally each day, but let's be realistic here. Journal about your experiences. Explore what's draining you. Try and identify patterns that you want to change. Treat this time the same way and with the same degree of respect that you give your client appointments. When you start treating yourself as your number one client, something really remarkable happens. You begin to show up differently, and again, not just for your clients, but in every aspect of your life. Your energy feels more expansive, your boundaries feel stronger, and that feels good, and your practice becomes a source of joy and fulfillment, rather than draining your soul. So then, the best care you can give your clients begins with the care you gave yourself. Cliché, but true. So, what's one small way you can start prioritizing yourself today? Alright, so this has been a particularly long episode. Let's try and tie a bow on this. We've gone deep into the idea of why some clients can totally zap your energy and we've explored quite a few implementation strategies. But I know from experience, when you're exhausted, overwhelmed, wiped out, maybe you're just trying to get through the day, having too many options can actually feel a little bit paralyzing. So let's tie it all together into the core essence of what we can do, what we can implement, In our day, today, to start getting some of that energy back. It's a little bit like a treatment plan. When we work with clients, we don't give them 15 different exercises to do all at once. We give them one thing that's going to make the biggest difference that outsize effect that we really try and give. We need to identify what's the biggest issue we're dealing with here, right? We've gone through four episodes. So if you resonated most with episode one, this is misaligned values. This is when you're trying to be everything to everyone and it's depleting you and your values aren't really aligned with the type of practice you have. So here's the thing you could do. This is the power move. Do some alignment exercises. And again, take out a piece of paper, draw a line down the middle and sort your clients into energizing and drained. Which ones energize you? Which ones drain you? This little simple exercise will show you a great deal about your ideal client and the type of person you should be trying to work with more often. Now, if you resonated more with episode two this is when we got into scarcity mindset. This is you're saying yes from fear instead of abundance. Power move here is to do a full body check in. Listen to your body. If you get a booking request, And your body is saying no, then you should probably say no to that client. On the other hand, it might say yes. And in which case, of course, say yes. Let's talk about energy vampires. This has to do with boundaries. If you really resonated with that, then the thing to do is create a reset ritual. A very brief 30 second ritual between clients. That's again, just for you. Could be simple, could be complex, whatever it is, it's for you. Consistency here though, that's key, not complexity. And then lastly, the self sacrifice pattern, right? This is what we've been talking about this episode. You prioritize everyone else's needs above your own. The move here is to create a self priority checklist or check in. Start each day by asking yourself that simple, powerful question. What do I need right now? And then here's the real trick. Honor that. Do that thing. So with that, Thank you so much for joining me in this deep dive into prioritizing yourself and sustaining your energy. And if you enjoy this kind of content, I'd love to hear your feedback. Leave a comment if you're watching on YouTube, or just send me an email, which is going to be jess at jessivreynolds. com. You can find it in the show notes. I would truly Love to hear your thoughts. And if you did enjoy this, make sure you subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. It helps more than I can express. So with that, till next time, be well, my friend.