Hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Wedding Lounge podcast.
We're following on slightly from last week's episode where we had Lydia in from Alapreaser
who was discussing multicultural weddings and we're going to talk more about multi-day celebrations.
Yes, I love the idea of extending the party to let more days.
Yes.
No, I want it to end today.
I know and you know how I'd love to talk.
I think it's a really good way to be able to spend more time with your guests.
Yeah, because so many people say you know I didn't really get a chance to talk to so-and-so
I didn't see them or and everyone you've invited is because you want them to be there.
Yeah, and why not make sure you have the chance to actually spend some time with them.
Yes, so one wedding I had quite early on.
Well, I had 250, oh yes, for the wedding day and the father of the bride was,
why do you need this many guests?
What's going on then?
So I thought like, well, this is who we'd like to invite.
And he said that you will get for the whole day in the end of the ceremony one and a half minutes
with each guest.
Right, if you actually go around and speak, it's absolutely worth it.
Yeah, he'd actually worked out how long they would be able to
speak with their guests.
That's not long.
No, it's not.
So then when you extend it and you add another day in that chance,
I also think it's really nice to catch up on the gossip from the night before.
Yes, and you know, to find out what happened with Bill and Sarah and you know,
the other guests and how everyone else experienced your wedding day.
Because it grows in such a flash.
Yeah, it's really nice to be able to live that really happy day too.
We had a breakfast following day and then we went away from the breakfast on our honeymoon.
Then whilst we were on our honeymoon, we got all the gossip stories and all the fun.
Which we felt like massive foe mode that we were missing out and everything going on back home.
So we had we had a lovely breakfast and that was really nice.
Nice catch up with people.
We didn't really get that much sleep though because we finished at five o'clock in the morning.
We've discussed this in a very early episode, I think.
Yeah, but then we were about 10 o'clock the next morning.
So it wasn't, yeah, it was, we were very hungover.
Whereas, you know, weddings I've done since where they've had a lunch and
a pool park party like a really relaxed informal.
And the next day that kind of just goes on into the early evening.
People can drop in and out and they're there all day.
Worked really nicely.
Yeah, I think so.
I think it's really nice to do something more chilled than it is today.
Like if you've got pool, the pool vibes are really good or just, you know, like food,
like a brunch, a really nice brunch, like a bloody Mary, things like that help.
You've had decent breakfast to cure the hangovers.
I think what's interesting though is when you take this into consideration,
you need to think about your budget.
Yes, definitely.
If you want to have a multi-day celebration, make sure you factor that in and don't just leave it as an afterthought.
Yeah, but a few of my couples have started off going, oh, we'll handle the Sunday, we'll do it.
And then you're like, yeah, are you sure you don't want some help in a couple of months out?
Suddenly they're going, yes, please.
The big one for celebrations the next day is the linen.
I've got a client this summer who the mum and dad are just hosting a few people the next day.
They want the marquee up still.
And I said, do you need new tablecloths?
Show me to sort new tablecloths for the Sunday.
I'm only sort of coordinating for them.
So I'm there during set up and on the Saturday.
And they said, I'm going to be fine.
Yeah, everything's going to be stained. You don't want 30 tablecloths.
And then even we've been dealing with the marquee company recently,
just working out when things are being set up and packed away.
And obviously my client doesn't want the marquee taken down on a Sunday,
because they've got people there till five.
Yeah.
The marquee company need to have the marquee taken down,
cleaned, checked over, and then put back up somewhere sort of the Tuesday, Wednesday.
And lose.
Following the rent as well.
Yeah, lose or a massive consideration.
Yeah, we're having to ask the new company to come in and empty the lose on the Saturday morning,
ready for the Sunday night.
Yeah, it's a big consideration to have.
It's not just as simple as just saying some food on the people and having them run there.
There's so much to think about.
I mean, you could have it in a different location and if it comes a whole event in itself.
Like if you're married in a venue, for example,
you can choose to then go and have breakfast somewhere else the following day.
Which works quite nicely.
Is it the Oak Barn at Frame Farm?
You said there's quite a good...
Oh, yes, I'm now trying to remember the name of the pub,
but it's the pub in Idon Green.
This is in Kent.
And I remember they said that they do really good breakfast there.
And I think my couple of their next year said that they might actually deliver.
They went for Sunday lunch, they're the other day just to have a nose.
And they said they might actually deliver first to the barn.
Because you've got the accommodation there.
Yeah.
So I think I'm the opposite to you.
And I think it's better think worse.
Like the time that we got married than having people there the next morning.
And I think it comes from working in a hotel.
I used to work in...
It's not they survive at home now, but it was a Georgian,
then a man-of-house in Sussex in a, you know, 16 bedroom house.
And we did weddings there.
When people came down the next morning and everyone sort of hung over.
And I remember working and just thinking,
"Oh my god, I don't know what this is at my wedding."
It just looked.
Everyone was just stumbling down the stairs.
And it...
They weren't actually joyous celebrations.
And this was...
Oh gosh, 15 years ago.
And it wasn't like a celebration.
It was no like a music.
It was just people...
I suppose this was more of people staying in the accommodation and coming down the breakfast the next day.
And I was just like, I said to my husband a bit of a time.
I said, "We're not staying somewhere where other people can stay with us."
I said, "I don't want to come down in the morning and just have everyone sat there."
But I think making it a party and a separate celebratory event is a really good idea.
Yeah.
I think it needs to be carefully considered.
The other thing you can do is do something the day before.
Yeah.
As well.
Especially loads more couples are opting for celebrant-led ceremonies,
which means they've got to do their legal bits either earlier that morning or another time.
And you could always opt to do those the day before.
Have a small select number.
Take them out for a lunch.
Yeah.
And then you can roll it into the next day.
So it's kind of like the pre-wedding party,
or you can head down the American route where they have a full-on...
That rehearsal did it.
Yeah, which I've never really, I couldn't quite understand why it was ever called a rehearsal dinner,
but...
No, I don't really know why.
I'm guessing it's after their rehearsal, like their church rehearsal.
Or is it just...
The fact that she's having dinner.
If anyone knows the answer to that one, us two British wedding planners would like to know
why a wedding rehearsal in America is called a wedding rehearsal.
Yeah, I've been at a wedding before where the couple had the legal ceremony
very late on the Friday evening, like the last slot that they could get.
And it was an autumnal wedding.
They applied it to the new, like a small, small country hotel.
So all their friends are staying there.
They're the most beautiful legal ceremony.
Or the dinner must have been, I'm trying to think, now I was like 50, 60 people.
Really gorgeous dinner.
And then the next day, they were just a few miles down the road at the family home,
having the celebrant ceremony, like 200 guests, the marquee, the dancing and all of that.
But it was really beautifully done.
And I just think, actually,
hey, like the bride got two different outfits.
Oh, it's, you know, she was all just like tailored trousers seat on the Friday,
and then like dress on the Saturday.
But I just think it spread out the celebrations.
Probably had, like, felt like there's less pressure for them than on the Saturday.
Like they've done the legal bit.
But it wasn't just a knit to the registry office.
Yeah, up to Ivy and Prophet Charles for lunch,
with something, it was, you know, it was an occasion.
I think that's important thing is you make an occasion of every element.
But the budgeting is obviously key here because, as you said,
if you're doing it like another celebration, it's like coming a party,
which is thousands of pounds, tens of thousands of pounds.
Yeah, so it's definitely, you know, you need to consider
if you're planning a multi-day celebration.
Well, if you're taking all your guests away somewhere,
it works really well.
If you're planning a destination wedding and doing something,
so all your guests fly out on the Thursday,
you can do something all together on the Friday,
have the wedding on the Saturday, do something on the Sunday.
And then all your guests can fly home on the Monday.
You're really making the most of everyone being,
making it worthwhile.
But then just turning up to a wedding abroad,
and then sort of knowing, oh, I don't know where to go,
what to do, putting things on.
Your guests are made the effort to travel,
perhaps to Europe, or further a field.
And you just want to make sure that it's whole celebration.
Yeah.
And I also think having a destination wedding like that,
it's great, because obviously a lot of people have probably traveled far
and they may not have seen each other for a long time.
Yeah.
And it just really gets, like, your guest the chance
to have a chat and catch up and make connections,
like on the Friday, potentially, with people that they don't know.
So on the Saturday, you know,
all your guests have already sort of warmed up
and they're really ready to celebrate your wedding.
You'd find that as well with, I don't know if you've ever noticed it,
weddings where you've coordinated plans.
Like, the hen parties and the stag parties,
like that group of people who didn't necessarily know each other before,
but have known each other from that intimate couple of days
together on the hen or the stag do.
Yeah.
And then they're all getting back together at the wedding.
It's such a lovely group.
Yeah.
A witness, compared with everyone else.
And I think doing something on the Friday and the Sunday,
gives you that opportunity.
Yeah, definitely.
And I think we might have mentioned it before about it,
just giving people the chance to sort of make those connections.
We've spoken about another episode.
Yeah, I remember when it was.
Table planning.
Yes, about putting people, people they didn't know,
having the extended party as well.
Yeah.
You want your friends to get on.
And you want your friends to form relationships.
They're special to you.
So it's really nice for them to have extra time.
Exactly.
Like, their mutual love is you.
Yeah, that's what they have in common.
And you want to explore that as much as possible.
It's also, if like me, you love a bit of
like loads of different things and styles.
It gives you a chance to do different
different styles of celebration, really.
You can almost treat it like three different parties.
If you want your wedding to be quite formal,
morning suits, you know, church,
marquee,
brilliant band in the evening.
But you really love sort of the pool,
Ibiza vibes.
You could then have like your sex offence.
Everyone really casual, different cocktails being served.
On the Sunday, for example,
you know, you could do something maybe a bit more formal
on the Friday night, have like a black tied dinner.
The night before the wedding or something.
It just gives you something that you
could do something really fun.
Yes.
But you could have like a murder mystery evening
on the Friday.
Because we know on the Friday.
Yeah.
And that.
It's the formalities of a wedding.
Oh, right.
Yeah.
I went to a friend's daughter 18th birthday the other week.
And it was a rodeo.
Oh my goodness.
We all had hats, boots, the kids, everything.
Like my little baby boy just can't wait out there.
But you could have it at the Friday night.
Like a rodeo?
Or like a barbecue on the Sunday.
Like a rodeo ball or something.
Yeah.
You can just have so much more fun with it.
Because it takes the formality of a way from it.
Yeah, I'm away from it.
It's more like a party with,
I think we've said before about themed weddings.
Yeah.
Neverly themed and not really our vibe.
But you could go more fun and like,
exactly.
I would never have a cowboy feeling like that.
And as well, if you've got a lot of pressure coming from family
about having a more formal and traditional wedding,
adding on an extra day gives you that opportunity
to really bring yourselves into it without necessarily
compromising any family politics.
Yeah.
And not upsetting granny.
Yeah, you can really let your head down and do something a bit fun.
And it kind of links back to speaking to Lydia,
obviously, as you mentioned last week,
with the multi-cultural bringing together
different cultures in a wedding.
Yes, different cultures are something
that you need to navigate.
And sometimes it is easier to spread that out over different days.
But even if you're not different cultures,
but you're just different ideas, just ideas,
you could, you know, your husband to be,
could have a go at choosing the theme and things for the party.
Yeah, my husband can't plan anything.
So he, like I digress ever so slightly,
Jamie had one job with our wedding,
apart from buying my engagement rings in proposing,
was he had to book our mini-moon
and I was a teacher at the time.
So we got married in October.
First, we kind of passed term and I said, "Let's just go,
a few days, and then we'll do a honeymoon
like everyone in the Christmas holiday, it's kind of thing."
So he found a lovely place in France
where we could go and take the dog
and maybe some walking and things like that.
And he said, "Oh, they're full."
And I was like, "Okay."
And he said, "Yeah, she's come back and she suggested
that we go into September."
And I was like, "It's for our wedding."
I was like, "Why would we go on a mini-moon for the for our wedding?"
He'd only gone and given her the dates
that put, like, 20th of the eighth.
And he said, "I thought October's eighth month."
So the one to the lady had suggested coming
like a few weeks later,
I thought she was suggesting we go on a mini-moon
before we actually got married.
So that was it.
He was, to be fair, I left teaching.
So I could have had a mini-moon.
I left teaching, so I could have a decent honeymoon.
Anyway, so we never went on it.
I mean, that was a good job.
I mean, well done, Jamie.
I hope you've taught him the months of the year now.
Yeah, I think so.
I mean, the interesting thing, though,
is the logistics.
Yeah.
If we bring it back on track here,
yeah, the logistics that's around,
I mean, the logistics that's around a wedding are complicated.
But if you're planning a multi-day wedding,
there's a lot more logistics you need to consider,
especially if you're going over multiple venues.
Yes.
So make sure you really have those nailed down
and you've thought about how people are getting from one space
to the other, especially if it's something
that you're doing abroad.
I'm sure that you've got transport for your guests.
Lots of weddings I've been to.
I mean, I'm not a destination planner,
but when I've been to weddings abroad,
there's always been great Google sheets
that the couple who are planning it,
know everyone's staying.
They're across everything.
They can make sure that everyone's transport is sorted.
And I think if you're planning a multi-day celebration,
that is absolutely crucial.
You definitely have all that information there.
If you're getting married at home, you don't need to know where Sarah
and Jacob staying, it doesn't really matter,
but when you're doing something abroad,
you need to think about it.
And I also think it's a really good idea
to maybe put a welcome pack in people's rooms,
and stuff like that.
Just some local information,
treats that they might need throughout the holiday.
Nice places to visit.
Yeah.
And if you're going to do like a scheduled thing,
and itinerary,
make sure you send it to people in advance as well.
Yeah, exactly.
I think, essentially, what we're trying to say is that
if you're able to have a multi-day celebration,
go for a small gig or even if it's like
small on the Friday and small on the Sunday,
just give you long day that time that you have to celebrate.
The fact that you're going to get married.
Yeah, one really budget-friendly way to do this, actually,
is a lot of people have,
especially if they're in a church wedding,
will have their church rehearsal.
And I think it's really nice
when you just book a cable car for you to go out.
Yeah, so after church rehearsal is quite often,
my couples will maybe like the groomsman,
his family, maybe, will go off to a pub,
and then he'll go and stay where he's staying.
And the bride will maybe have like a crater at the house
so that they've got a meal prepared.
I did have, who is it, a couple recently?
And the bride, bless her, but this is like Jamie.
The bride had booked the dinner the night before
for a different week or a different month or something.
Really, isn't that unique?
Yeah, so maybe it's not quite unique.
Turned up, then they had to just get pizzas in at home for everyone.
But they all enjoyed it.
The point was that they were all together.
And as well, you know, especially if you're doing quite a lot of DIY,
you gather quite a lot of people on that Friday.
And that's an event in itself.
Like you're there setting up make an occasion of it.
Yeah, like enjoy that time.
Because that is a special part of the day.
It's a special part of getting ready.
And we had for our wedding, Chris is from Yorkshire.
So his side all came down from Yorkshire,
which is a good five hour journey.
So this is family put on.
They hired out the top floor of a restaurant for everyone
on their side on the Friday night.
Brilliant.
But it's my mother-in-law, who didn't really listen to this.
It was rottling on the bar in the hotel,
but they were all staying at three o'clock in the morning.
The morning of the wedding.
The morning of the wedding, asking for more drinks.
They all had such a good time.
Too good a time.
No, they were all on the great form on the wedding day.
Yeah, so that's the most important thing.
The Northerners know how to do it properly.
And whereas we just had our little pizza with the bridesmaid
that went to bed at nine o'clock.
Yeah, that was me, I went to the pub with my friends,
my bridesmaid didn't.
I don't think I even had my parents.
I was just like, no, just me and the girls.
We were, and then held up with her.
Oh, we were choosing songs for my playlist.
But even that is still an occasion.
So just make sure you put some thought into it and yeah,
make it a multi-day celebration.
Whatever way you can.
Definitely.
And I think you're right, the setting up can be stressful.
Obviously, if you've got lots to do,
if you haven't got a planner.
But make an occasion of it and put food in your comfort food
that help him.
What's our top tip thinking about this episode
and what we've covered today?
I think the most important thing is that no matter
what brilliant ideas you've come up with and other ideas
you might have had your goals.
Road to open.
I feel like I need a road to build, do you know?
We must stress that the most important thing
is making sure you've got the budget.
Go and plan it and then go, oh, okay,
we haven't gotten money.
It is treated as its own separate budget.
I would say that I'm going to actually use our budget
breakdown and think about the percentages you need
for food and things and what budget you have allocated.
You always, you won't necessarily need
like photographer and videographer,
but just as a rough guide to have a look
and make sure you do allocate enough budget
for what you think that you need.
Make sure it's considered.
Yes, definitely.
Next week, what are we talking about next week?
Music.
Going into detail about how music
and influence your day.
We look forward to speaking to you soon.