What's a scientifically proven to make our bond stronger and hug for 30 seconds on camera.

No, I don't think that's.

That's audio.

Audio friendly audio.

We'll see.

They just.

30 seconds of silence.

They're over here trying to figure out if something happens to their phone.

Like, wait, what just happened to the audio?

Cut, cut.

You know, when you did that sound, it reminds me of that meme of.

It's like a tomato and a potato and the tomato ax the potato.

If, babe, if I was a tomato, would you still love me?

And then it's the tomato and the potato going.

You haven't seen that?

No, I thought you.

I thought your response was going to be tomato, tomato, like, no meaning potato.

Potato.

Like, damn, get over here.

That meme is hilarious.

I'm gonna find it.

Okay?

I'm gonna.

I'm gonna share it with you because

I feel like I've seen funny memes like that.

Oh, my God.

Wait, wait, wait.

There was a funny one of a finger and a bean

finger.

And then.

Why did you find that funny?

The bean was saying, no, please, no.

And then the finger said,

Ah, I.

Forget it.

You lost the audience right there.

I know.

You hyped us up and then dropped.

Hold on.

Bean meme.

All right, since we're doing that, I'm going to find the tomato one.

No.

You know who would know Tick tock this bean?

If you search it on tick tock just like that, it'll pop up.

That's the problem.

No, Trust me.

But I don't, babe.

And it's so funny because, like, that is so.

That is your humor.

That is so you.

That was.

That was hilarious.

You know who else found that hilarious?

Who?

Fernando.

Anywho.

2026.

This is 2026 with the parental exchange in your ears or in your TV screen or phone screen.

But, you know, it wasn't.

It was more of like, for the audio.

Like, for the, like, the audio listener.

I get it, you know, because I

heard it and I was like.

Like what I just did right now.

Yeah, I heard it and I didn't like the way it sounded, so I was like, yeah, no, that's definitely good feedback.

Yeah, I've had that with.

With some things that I do.

Like, I have filler words that I have to work on, and then I have this shaking leg that constantly is shaking.

Sorry for the listeners that get nervous or anger or get anxious watching me sometimes.

But those are things that I'm learning about myself.

I'm seeing in myself.

And.

And that's important too.

I think that, like, starting a podcast right in 2026 should be less about becoming famous.

Right.

And.

And more about analyzing yourself.

Right.

And kind of like observing yourself and looking for areas of improvement.

Right.

I think we, we focus so much on putting new things on that we also neglect taking things off and removing things and, you know, evolving.

And that's something, Something I want to carry on.

2026 is like, what are the things that we're removing in our life?

You know, and some of those things are how I speak.

I don't run around in circles when I speak.

It's all those things that I want to improve.

And maybe that'll also translate when I'm speaking to people in real life and I'm out, you know, communicating at work or, you know, talking within family skills.

Yeah, the, the communication skills is important.

And I think that today, when we have less of that because of social media and we're all on our screen, this is an opportunity to put that in practice and, and, and, and, you know, flex that muscle and, and work that muscle out, you know?

You like that?

You like that?

You know, I love anything that has to do with that.

Anything.

But yeah, that is hard, you know, to, to kind of critique yourself a little bit and, and be like, you know what?

I don't like how I sound.

I gotta learn to love my own voice.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do you like how you sound?

Is that why you don't like wearing headphones?

I like how I sound.

I feel very confident in how I sound.

And when I. I just enjoy hearing it on camera.

Once the camera's rolling and the edits are going, I don't want to have something stuck in my ear.

This is the parental exchange podcast where we tell you guys not what to do, but just help remind you that thoughtful parents don't all make the same choices.

And that doesn't make anyone wrong.

And we're here to do it with our experiences, vibe out together, connect with one one another and create awesome memories with you guys.

So let's get it.

I'm your host, Nicole, along with my host.

No co host Chico.

Let's get it.

Let's go.

2026, the parental exchange podcast.

And we're back.

We're back and better.

Oh, year later, bad as ever.

Don't let me just let up.

Who's name that song?

That's Bryson Tiller.

Let's go, guys.

We connected off music to start our relationship and now look at us kind of finding other ways to connect.

So let's Talk about it.

I think one of the biggest things seeping right into the segue of today is about parents and you know, their choices, but also the evolution that happens within them with their identity, with themselves and with their significant other.

So number one is finding different ways to connect.

Boom.

Like as a parent, I'm sure you can relate and I want you to let me know, like write it down in the comment, comment down below.

How has your identity shifted as a partnership and as an individual since becoming a parent?

What does that look like?

And how do you make sure that you keep the self identity that stays within your values but also keep the connection going with your partner along the way?

Yeah.

Do you, I got a question for you.

When, when you said that immediately I thought, do you consider creating content together a way to connect today for relationships?

I think yes.

I think it has improved and strengthened relationships.

I think it has given these couples purpose in their lives as people that are setting value and, and like all entertainment but in the best way to other parents, other people in the world.

Like look at Justin and Ashley.

That's the first couple I thought of.

Like they, they made their relationship and the fun that they have, their career.

Like what?

Like just, just being them.

And so I think it builds a way to self discover different things with one another, our strengths and also get better.

You also said in the beginning, like communication, we're getting better with communicating and, and it's really reflecting on and off camera.

Hell yeah.

The answer is yes.

Okay.

I like that.

I, I think that there's like a double edged sword that I constantly think of.

Like how do they manage the, the real, real life things that go on and, and does it feel like you're wearing a mask sometimes?

Because at some point like, or are you wearing a mask and is like when things aren't good.

How, how healthy is that for you, you know, in your relationship while you're trying to create this content.

Right?

I, I, it's kind of like are you faking the funk?

Right?

And yeah, I get so amazed sometimes by some of these couples that we see do content together.

And I've told you this before, you know, I have a very like cynical mind sometimes and I go down rabbit holes of like things that exist.

And I believe that there are fake relationships, right.

Like oh, that they have a deal going on for their content because they just look good aesthetically together and people want that like perfect image of what a relationship is.

And some people embody that.

Right.

And sometimes we question ourselves, like do we embody that, like, do other people want our relationship?

Would I want my relationship?

Right.

And I don't know.

I go down those rabbit holes and I think, like, I sound like a grouch when I say this.

I know I sound crazy, but I, I'm like, there's no way people can just be this happy all the time.

And, and it's because I understand that life is up and down, right?

So it's like, it's not always just up and it's always, it's not always just down.

And if it's flatlined, then you're dead.

So obviously, like, it's good.

Like, where the downs.

Right.

And maybe people that don't choose to share the downs are protecting their relationship.

But for other people, it may come off like you're, You're.

You only show expectations.

Yes.

Yeah.

That isn't real.

Yeah, I think I, I feel like I, I would hope that that is more genuine.

I feel like it comes off very genuine.

Compared to other couple influencers I've seen in their content, I'm like, this is screened like it.

This is like, you know, when they're, they're, they're cosplaying.

And I feel like.

But that's, that's, that's a form of content.

Yeah, no, you're right.

And you've mentioned, but I think these people have a funny way of being very organic, but also, like, funny.

And it actually is a funny moment that is entertained by many.

So, I mean, shout out to us.

We're going in April to see a comedy show, so we're already prioritizing, number one, of keeping that connection with ourselves through content through, you know, our date nights.

We actually have a comedy show already booked for April for us to do a double date with my brother, shout out to my brother, and like, there you go.

It's those little things that you set out time for for each other that make all the difference.

So whether that's an event down the line, you guys to get.

Get to look forward to, or it's something you plan ev.

Once every month, once a week, after your children or child is down for bed, like, prioritize that and seek that.

What does that do to your identity and your love language?

I agree, I agree.

As a parent who's so busy.

Yeah.

And that's rewarding.

When you said that.

It's like something to look forward to.

Like, I know it sounds down the line, but yeah, you know, in between, we got other smaller events and we.

Other other things that we do, like the podcast that Is a moment for us to be able to connect.

But going on date nights is also very important as part of our vision board, you know, our.

Our action board.

Right.

It's, you know, putting these examples of what we want to see and then putting that in action and.

And.

And, you know, getting.

Get it going.

You know, we might not be able to travel this year based off our goals.

Maybe it's spontaneous, maybe it happens, but it's not in our cards.

It's not in my cards.

It might be in her cards, but.

Which eventually will turn to my cards.

But if.

If it happens, it happens.

Right.

Like, I'm all for some of some unplanned things, because there's always unplanned events that sometimes aren't great.

I would love something to be unplanned and a great thing like going to Dominican Republic.

Puerto Rico, because Puerto Rico.

Yeah.

Right.

I'm Puerto Rican.

I'm Dominican.

Dominican.

But everybody thinks I'm Dominican.

And I get Dominican.

I get Puerto Rican Arabic.

I get a mix.

Yeah.

I'd never get to make him first.

That's.

That.

That.

That.

I don't know what.

That should piss me off or if it's like.

And the beard.

I don't know.

I. I mean, I don't feel like I have one.

An envision of how a Dominican looks.

I love when people be like, you don't look Dominican.

Like, yeah, am I supposed to look like a platinum or something?

Yeah, I think.

I think there's definitely a Dominican build or posture or the way they look, the way they speak that makes them Dominican, just like Puerto Ricans and their lingo, their language, the tongue.

Well, you know, a New York, like, you know, a Puerto Rican that's from the island and in a boricua that's from the States, like, hear it like, your family is Nuyorican, right?

From your mom's side, but your dad's side is, like, from the island.

And it's crazy because it's like, you hear it and, you know, as old as they can.

They can get you.

They're not gonna let go of that essence in that.

That.

That.

That culture.

I love that.

I would love to have more of that side from, like, my.

My home.

Yeah.

Because I. I got to live in Dominican Republic, and I appreciate it to another level where it's not just like, all my parents were from there.

I got to see what my parents saw, but in my own.

My own, like, my own era.

And it was definitely, definitely different than what they experienced, but still relatable so we were able to bond in that aspect and, and, and able to see, like, yo, respectfully, like, my parents come from a, from a great place.

They were, they're known in their town and nobody can say anything wrong about them.

And that's like, that's beautiful.

You know, and whenever you mention to, you know, people who your parents are or who your family is, and people have nothing but respect or they, they know who you come, where you come from is dope.

You know, it feels like, like you're getting to really know your roots.

So.

Yeah.

Yeah, I encourage that.

For us, I think that's part of our 2027 goals is kind of like to kind of go back to your roots.

And I've never been to Puerto rico, so.

Or 2026.

Debatable.

He said 2027, y'.

All.

That's a year away.

Something to shoot for, you know, long term.

Life's a marathon, you know, with us thinking about, you know, those plans of becoming one.

Getting married.

I would love to have my honeymoon in Puerto Rico and the wedding in Dr.

If we did that, or the, or the little trip and getaway from the money we're saving for our wedding, we can go to Puerto Rico and enjoy an experience out there.

Yeah.

But something to think about.

I feel like even that expectation, I mean, does that has that change for people?

Like their expectations of weddings in today's account economy and like.

Yes, because for us, it changed, so it humbled us.

They look like weddings too.

Yeah.

And gender reveal.

So, yeah, the expectations have went from here to here.

And everything looks top notch or it doesn't.

Or budget friendly.

Yeah, Yeah.

I think that, I think whatever works for you works.

Right.

I, I, you know, I don't think that how big you go in your, in your wedding or how small you go determines how much love is there.

And I think that a lot of us think that how big the ring is or how small the ring is determines how much somebody loves you.

And I think that's kind of toxic to, I think that's something to like, fully not, not put energy to or, or, you know, or feed into.

Yeah.

It's becoming more and more about what's practical in your relationship, what's realistic in your relationship, and what's not going to over leverage your relationship to the point where now you're getting a divorce because you, one of you made a decision to over leverage their finances to fund a wedding, and now you're drowning in debt and you're not happy and, you know, like I've heard that story so many times that it's like being wise is learning from other people's mistakes without having to make them yourself.

And I've been a big person of making my mistakes myself and having to learn the hard way to the point where now it's like we have to experience it.

Yeah.

No more.

Nope.

This is a topic that gets people talking, and it's.

It could be geared towards the way you parent your kids in a certain light.

Oh, so we're going in a hot topic.

Let's go.

It's a hot topic.

Hot topic.

Let's go.

Okay.

To co sleep, sleep train or survival mode.

Which one?

Co sleep all day.

That's because you were used to that as a kid also.

And I.

And I generally don't find anything wrong with that because I feel like after I co. Slept, I was able to get my own room and sleep by myself.

Like, it was a bit of a.

It wasn't an easy transition, I don't think.

I don't think anything is.

But now I have.

I'm 30 plus years old, and I haven't slept with my parents ever since.

So, you know, the.

The amount of times that I slept with my parents versus the time that I'm not gonna sleep with my parents is.

Is a lot different.

So it's like, is that mo.

Is that time in your life important for you to just bond with your kid at that aspect?

I think so.

I think that that's gonna be things for the parents to heal, to kind of like, you know, just remember, you know, that their kid was fast asleep in between him and mommy.

Now they're grown and independent and doing their own thing, and.

And they don't even remember that.

You know, like, it's like, I'll show you pictures, little boy.

Like.

Yeah.

It's something that you hold true and near and dear to your heart.

Yeah.

As a kid.

Yeah.

I don't think there's nothing wrong with that.

There's people that have, like, this thing where it's like, oh, you're, You're.

You're.

What is it?

You're kind of malako tumbo.

Like, you're.

You're creating these bad habits.

I think that some people also are more comfortable with sleeping in their own bed and having their own space.

Like, that's their sanctuary.

And sometimes maybe the craziness of, you know, all things when it comes to being a mom, a parent, a baby, a dad, like, they kind of need that time to, like, that's maybe the unwinding time, and they can't do that if they're cuddled up with their child or toddler.

I agree.

But how do I feel?

Just kind of putting perspective out there because I know there's different types and reasonings for why you don't.

I think for me, I. I'm starting to not sleep that well anymore with doing it.

Well, we're getting head butted.

Yeah, we're gonna have headbutted.

Light stuff.

Suck a punched uppercutted.

And Nicole's reflexes are horrible sometimes because it's like.

It's like she lines herself up to be hit by him.

I kind of, like, go into, like, protecting myself mode anytime I sleep, and I just cuddle up and kind of give my back to him.

But you.

You dead eyes just be like, mad careless, like, oh, he'll be all right.

Bye.

I do.

And then.

And then I'm here.

Like, the only one getting up in the middle of the night to make sure that he's not, like, falling off the bed.

And it's.

It's rough.

So it's rough out here.

I'm.

I'm in survival mode for sure.

He's in the middle of us, and she's over here thinking he's gonna.

Because he ends up being on the bottom of us, like, head down.

Anyway, I think that I have.

I've loved the experience so much, and I think when I put him in his bassinet for the first time, I'm like, no.

And I think a lot of mamas are like, oh, my God, my bed feels so empty now.

And that's where they get attached.

Like, they're like, I'm gonna hold that baby now or I'm gonna put that baby and.

And just kind of let him enjoy his space now.

But for me, I loved it.

I think that it's a great experience to have with your little said.

They're going to spend more time as an adult than they do as a kid.

What that hits deep.

They are going, what this?

The tiniest they are right now is all that you're going to have with them.

So it's like, enjoy that.

And in what ways are you going to enjoy that?

Does that mean that you're going to sleep with your baby?

Does that mean that you're going to let them have their own space, have a good night's sleep yourself and then reconnect in the morning?

Like, I'm curious.

Par.

That's what you're leaning towards now?

Mm, I'm leaning towards that 100 now because he's just.

And the sleep is not great.

I had.

I have.

I remember that my mom told me that the moment she realized that I was no longer to sleep in bed with them was when I smacked her in the middle of a dream.

That she said that I was like.

I looked like I was fighting someone.

And I smacked her so hard that she literally threw me off the bed.

It wasn't like.

It wasn't like, hey, get off the bed.

It was like, oh, my.

Get off the bed.

Hey, go to your room.

Because now she was just, like, frustrated, right?

Yeah.

And I can imagine it was three of us, right?

I can only imagine how stimulate over stimulating my mom was.

Oh, my God.

Three of us.

You know, two girls, one boy.

And I was not, you know, easy to deal with.

I was very in quieto.

Hence, you know, little man.

Yeah.

But that she.

She.

She talks about that day as like, nah, that was it.

I think that you're at that point where you're like, I loved it till now.

I'm kind of not resenting it, but

more of like, I'm ready for his next chapter.

Yes.

You're.

You're cool.

You're fine.

You're cool.

You're like, I'm cool.

That's it.

I understand.

I had.

I got.

I got the experience from it.

And I don't think that at 7 or 8 or 9, they should be in bed with you.

I think that that's the threshold for me.

Like, you're becoming us.

Oh, but he's three, so if that's a child.

If it's seven, then we still got some time.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

Well, you're gonna have to keep them on the outside of your side of the bed now.

That's.

That's how we're gonna roll.

If that's the case.

Anyway.

Yeah.

So on to the next Hot topic.

That right there.

I wonder what people will say.

On to the next Hot Topic.

Give us your views on Coastley.

Sleeping.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What is it again?

Survival mode, Co sleeping or sleep training?

One of the three.

The number one topic that's been crazy and funny, and I think it's gonna bring out the culture.

There's two, but this one is, I would say, more like number three.

Discipline styles.

Gentle parenting versus firm man.

I keep calling you.

Or mixed for sure.

Because I'm not gonna be.

I mean, I've definitely become too gentle.

And I like the way he respects my twin and is so scared of her.

I'm like, yeah, she's a twin, by the way.

Yeah.

I'm like, why do you not.

I love how you brush over that.

Just like, oh, yeah, my twin.

Yeah, I know her.

Crazy.

Yeah, I know her.

Yeah.

But they don't look alike.

So that is.

What is that?

A fraternal.

Fraternal.

Okay.

Yep.

Proceed.

Yep.

So my twin, he's very much like, sometimes I'm just calling her to check in.

He's like, titi Nat.

Don't call Titi Nat.

I didn't do anything wrong.

Like, he.

That's how scarred he is.

But that's the firm one right there.

She's the firm one, period.

Like, she has her ways of being more gentle because she explains stuff, and she's like, let me sit you down and explain to you why this is wrong.

But that's also, I think, more of a firm, gently firm approach.

Yeah.

Because her tone.

Her tone is not.

Yeah.

As friendly, you know, but it's not also traumatic.

Yeah.

Let's talk about this.

Like, a good balance.

One thing we.

A lot of times when Zaya was young, he used to tell me, you know, he used to always research when I would be, like, so out of my ends, and very much like, my patience was to a minimum.

He would research different ways to deal with that situation.

And a lot of it came from him saying, babe, Zaya is still regulating his emotions, and that's where he is right now.

So we have to understand that he's in a stimulated environment.

He's young.

He doesn't yet know how to control or validate or, like, expl.

Not explain.

He knows how to explain himself.

His feelings, but somewhat.

Yeah, yeah.

He's, like, getting that.

He defends himself well, but he sometimes doesn't know how to regulate his emotions or just, like, just feeling.

He's just feeling them.

And it's like, as a parent who understands what it is to have those emotions and be that young, at one point, we have to be reasonable with our kid and say, he's just having a moment, and I have to let him have it and not, like, become much overstimulating, just as much or more to them, and then just get upset.

It's like, take a step back as a parent and say, why is he feeling this way?

Ask him those questions, get him to understand, and you do really good with that.

You'll go ahead and talk to him, say, but tell me why you're feeling that way, and ask him over and over until he stops crying and gets all worked up and says, because and explains himself.

And I find that very admirable.

For.

From daddy.

So great job.

You know, it's.

It's listening to your kid for sure.

So I am definitely on the firm side, but I have that gentleness to me.

You know, part of that comes from kind of feeling like guilt whenever I act out of character.

And I think to myself, and I scare myself sometimes, like, oh, I hope I didn't traumatize.

Traumatize him, or I hope he didn't.

He doesn't hate me.

Right.

And then it's like, what can I do to avoid feeling that way more?

You know, How.

How can I avoid that feeling more and.

But still make sure that he understands that that's not okay.

Yeah.

And it's the communication.

Yeah, it's the communication.

It's like we sometimes, you know, what we do sometimes is that we underestimate how much they understand.

And because we think they're so small, we don't put the effort into taking the time to explain something to them.

It's kind of like, hey, it's knowing.

That's it.

Right?

And it's not that.

Because we.

We also have questions.

We don't like it when somebody just tells us no and doesn't give us a reason.

Right.

So, like, stating the reason, even though they may be too young to understand that reason, I feel like, has helped Zaya to understand that I'm putting an effort to not just neglect how he's feeling or neglect or ignore him.

It's kind of like I'm including him in the situation and saying, hey, what's going on with you?

Talk to me.

And it's like, he'll do it.

And even though I don't understand what he told me, because sometimes he'll explain something, and it's just like, okay, papi, I understand.

Like, you don't like that.

Right?

And it's like when he.

When he sees that I'm re.

Re.

I'm reiterating what he just said to me.

He's like, oh, he listened to me.

So now he sees that I'm in agreeance with him, even though I'm still about to correct him and about to make him get away from whatever he's doing.

Now he's like, okay, because now I'm on his side versus being on the opposite side of him just being like a dictator.

So I feel like that's what he sees.

And I'm trying to find ways to do that more and lash out less.

But as at times that it's needed, it's like, hey, I still have a firm arm.

With you, like, don't play around because you're not stronger than me and you're not bigger than me and you're not going to tell me no.

And it's like being able to like put those hats on at different moments.

You have to learn that it's not, it's not just, hey, I just figured this out.

Like, I obviously wasn't that in the beginning.

And I remember there's be times that you'll be like, you'll ask me like, what happened?

Like, like, are you, like, you'll, you'll carry, you'll try to like intervene because you know that I'm at my top already, just like I do with you.

And it feels like that's needed as well for you to kind of like catch on and be like, you know what?

He's exhausted.

He's exhausted all his, his method in handling the situation.

Let me try, you know, listen.

Listening to a different voice, a different type of, you know, energy.

Yeah.

And then obviously that's not involved in the problem.

They're going to feel like you're naturally going to be on their side.

So he'll feel like, oh, mommy's, Mommy's going to be.

Mommy's going to understand me.

And boom.

So, you know, that's, that's been a great dynamic that we've been able to build, but that's definitely not been the case in the beginning.

So I love that.

I love that discipline.

For me, it's just, it doesn't need to be over the top.

You don't have to exceed force on a kid.

I do agree with a good little spanking sometimes.

I'm not gonna lie.

Two things can be true at once.

If you mess up, you know, it was, it was just the best that you can handle at that time.

Not that you are perfect.

And if you felt like, you know, I could have handled that, well, then it's a lesson learned.

And you've, you've evolved from that moment.

So hell yeah, I agree.

So you know that for me, I think just find your happy medium.

So let them grow within their morals.

Even if it seems confusing that you're being gentle sometimes but then firm in others.

Find what gets them to understand.

Manners, morals, the most important things to communicate with the world around them with.

How you parent doesn't have to be all firm because that's the only way.

All gentle because that's the only way that it's kind of ride out that moment, write out the experience and how are they going to.

Because we're all different.

How are they going to take it?

How are they going to receive it and then go from there?

Final hot topic, screen time.

Oh, remember I was anti sound very.

No, no, I'm, I'm, I'm conflicted because I was very anti screen time before I had a K. Now we have a kid.

I pick my, my battles, and I don't think screen time is one of my biggest battles right now.

I do.

Yeah, I thought that you were gonna say it is because I feel like that's where we want him to be more productive in his days.

You know, you want your kids to be when they're younger.

You know, you want them to be into maybe learning, like he, he can learn how to read at this age if he really put his mind to it and had the right.

But it's hard because, yeah, like, screen time, the addiction of just like easy access to things, scrolling and watching your favorite things is so much more entertaining than.

We're going to turn our brain off in whatever moment we can.

That's how we enjoy, like, when your brain is not like, thinking.

Like, we avoid that chemically, humanely.

We avoid our brain wanting to work harder.

So that in turn does make screen time addicting because you kind of get lost in it.

Oh, no, no, I'm not arguing that.

No, I know that.

Okay.

Okay.

Just because I agree 100% on that.

Yeah, I agree on that.

I agree on.

I'm 100 on that.

That's the part that's conflicting to me because I understand that there's some damage to that.

Right.

It's just right.

Realistically, as, as I think about our dynamic.

Right.

It's like, what.

And we talked about it yesterday kind of what our.

When we were doing the action board replay.

If you're gonna take something away, you have to replace it.

Right.

If I'm not ready to replace that with anything, I can't really just like, I'm just gonna wallow in just feeling bad.

I want to be able to start replacing some of the screen.

Screen time with something else, like activities and, and, and time for us to kind of build the structure.

So I guess my.

What I was wanting to say in that aspect is that I understand where he is right now, where some of that is part of his entertainment, because there's not much else.

We don't have him in any other activities, you know, before we had him in Kidstrong, that helped.

You know, it kind of like, you know, at least put us out there to putting him to something that, that, that, that Allowed him to get away from the screen.

Yeah, but yeah, I'm not mad at parents that have screen time as their assistant because there are things you got to get done.

Like you got to think about it.

Like there's so especially like, like you got to think about even single mothers, like if it's hard with us.

Right.

Being able to do our things.

So, so, so I, yeah, I'm understanding of that.

Like when parents are, you know, some of the kids are, I must say I understand that it's bad for them that it could be detrimental to certain areas.

I'm just not all the way convinced that it's going to be irreparable.

Like you can fix that.

Yeah, there's some people that are making it sound like there's like, there's like you're destroying your kids brain function.

It's like, okay, is it that serious or is it just crippling them right now from being a little bit more curious, a little bit more active, a little bit more.

This is it.

How, how, how bad is this to be for them by the time they're, you know, our age type?

I think about if we were to raise him, if we were to have raised him in a different, different environment slightly with the screen time.

We, you know, like Cat Williams for example, his dad was very extreme with the things he made him do.

But he, he, he's thriving because he said like that was my discipline and it taught him a lot in his later on age.

You know, maybe this isn't detrimental, but it may be delaying certain opportunities he has now that could help him form that discipline in the future.

You know, his interests.

That was always a concern for me.

When I think about how certain people were raised and how I see that with him now.

Like, like damn it, if we would have exposed him to that lesser, maybe even not even at all and more of this verse, maybe he would have been a little more open to both or if we just would have let it really push a little more, you know.

But I say it to say this screen time is whatever you need it to be.

Maybe your screen time should just.

I think for me it's like we can't avoid the screens as parents in this generation.

Like it's, it's inevitable to everywhere you go and so focus on what the screen time is about.

Right.

Pick your battles.

It's like if you can't control the moment, control and adapt towards that, whatever already is happening.

So for me it's like, what can he watch?

Am I gonna watch?

Make sure he's not seeing those short reels or random clips on YouTube that are just very much random and just like all over.

Very.

Yeah.

Brain rot then.

I term now.

Yeah.

I think the main thing is parents hold strong.

Survival mode for sure.

For this one is like, do what you can.

Pick your battles one step at a time of grace.

And if it's going to be some screen time, maybe there's a time limit, which we.

We've tried to do.

It's just when we're gone working and he's with his grandparents, there's no telling how long he's on that thing, even if we say.

Because they want less stimulation too sometimes.

So the problem is that they're.

They go through the same thing, right.

They go through the same battles of.

They got other things.

They got to do some things in between as well, and they want him to not be in danger.

Sometimes you want to immobilize your kid because you.

Like, for example, I feel like if I want to immobilize my son from moving around and worrying me about getting hurt or doing something that he's not supposed to, it's like I. I have to put him on.

On some sort of entertainment.

Right.

And.

And that's the part where we guilt trip ourselves because now we're like, oh, man, I'm literally having to give him this in order for me to go over here and do that instead of bringing him with me and just dealing with a little bit more frustration and a little bit more of the.

The hassle that comes with multitasking.

But there's just some things that you can't multitask with.

Like, I don't want to be in the kitchen worrying about you getting burned at the same time.

Burning my chicken.

Right.

There's times where we can slow down.

And now I'll let you help me.

But right now I'm on crunch time.

I'm moving a little quick.

I got things to do.

So it's more of remembering when I should include him.

And what are things that I can include him in?

Include him in, because when we do breakfast, he loves that.

He loves feeling like he's helping when it comes to making breakfast.

So sometimes they're on a screen because they think that they can't do the adult things that you're doing.

So maybe include them in.

Some laundry is a fun thing to include them in.

Including them like in your.

In your duties.

Yeah.

So like, my, my son, he's a big I want to help kid.

I want to help.

I want to Help.

And sometimes we're just like, no, I don't want you to get hurt.

Or maybe we just don't want us always to get.

Come help me.

You know, when you, you're.

You're big on that.

I personally, I don't want you to slow me down.

Right.

And I remember seeing a post online,

that's why I don't do that.

Yeah, I remember a post that said, imagine your kid seeing this.

A parent just like not including the kid and the kid kind of feeling bad and by themselves and then versus the parent, bringing them to do things together and they're having moments together.

And I was like, oh, that's a moment for me and Ziya.

Oh.

And then I started doing that.

Hey, let's do this.

If I knew that it was way too tedious and something that's going to frustrate me more than make it fun, then maybe I'll let him finish at the end towards when it's not as important to finish, you know, to, to finish so quick.

But I started implement implementing that and it helped.

It helped.

It definitely helped.

You know, there's just certain times that they may not help.

And like you said, we're trying to limit by setting a time.

There's always something that we have to get, get, get over a new obstacle.

Because he also learns when we take away a certain device, he knows to convince other people to hand over their devices.

And I can't take away my parents' phones.

Phones.

I just can't.

Right.

Like, I've done it all.

I've.

I've tried to threaten to break their phones and see if they just stop.

And it's like, no.

So I just started learning to be like, you know what?

I can't control certain aspects, but what I can control is including him in my, in my activities or maybe planning and then take.

If I'm gonna take this away, I gotta have something to substitute it with.

Right?

I think that's the big thing.

If you're going to take something away, you have to substitute it with something.

Because if you take it away, leave it empty, then they're gonna go back to it.

And that's, that's my thing.

If you're someone that's struggling with feeling guilty, you see so much, you see just so much like content that is kind of like judging, putting judgment on parents that use screen time a little bit.

And it just feels like it makes you feel embarrassed.

Sometimes when you're out, you and you

have your kid on your phone in a restaurant.

Yeah.

You Ever look around and see.

I wonder what they think about me having my kid on the screen on

this phone right now.

Like, you know, it's kind of like how we felt guilty when we were out and during COVID and didn't have a face mask and we're like, oh my God.

They think I'm a horrible person because I'm spreading the virus.

And it's like, oh, let them.

Yeah, you know, let them.

I.

What works for you, works for you.

I just feel like, you know.

Yeah, I'm with, I'm with the parents that are doing their best and I'm with the parents that understand that they're going to work twice as hard if they need to, to help repair that, that, that, that situation.

You know, we talk about this a lot where we were like, you know, we, we tried so hard to get Z to be a vegetable kid, like on vegetables.

And sometimes we see all this content online with parents feeding their kids vegetables and we're like, and we're like, how the hell did they pull that?

Listen, I think that if we do have a second child, I think I'll know how to expose.

I think I'll try again and I'll do things a little differently with the way they eat once they hit.

Once he hits like age 2 ish to 3 where he's eating more solids, I'm going to put a lot more exposed things to in his greens, right?

No, I, I think I did that but I then kind of started veering

off to the applesauce got them.

So I think what I'm going to do next time is I'm going to just expose him to a lot more and once he can eat solids, give it to him to explore the texture.

Holding it more like be more messier

type because being more messier and also just letting him, you know.

But I want to kind of veer back to the last topic.

Just one more point of parents.

Whenever you want to kind of minimize screen time, I think a good way is to just get them involved in doing what you're doing, whether it's washing dishes or baking a cake.

Sometimes I just start putting myself to bake a banana bread or something that I know he can help me with.

And remember that it's not slowing you down in your day, it's slowing you down.

Right?

Yeah, it's needed because that is needed in this fast paced life where our mind is running and we have to do this, this, this, that and there's a ton of voices in our head.

So it's not slowing you down.

It's slowing you down.

Take that opportunity, because they will not be that young in five years from now, two years from now.

They're gonna be a whole new little person.

Facts, you know, so we.

I think we ended with that, y'.

All.

These are your.

These are your fangs to, you know, kind of dive into with us.

We want to hear your thoughts on any of it.

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I'm that parent.

Or.

Or nah.

Have you tried this?

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