Today I am going to share with you the three signs that a man is

disconnected from his masculine energy.

Two of these signs are more obvious, whereas one is very subtle and

you have most likely never heard this connection before that I'm

going to make in this episode.

This episode is not just for men.

As a woman listening, you will gain really important and

powerful insights that will allow you to understand men better.

I will share a lot of practical steps in today's episode.

For the men listening, if you take this episode to heart and you apply

immediately after this episode, what I'm about to share with you,

you can create really powerful, lasting shifts in your life.

Welcome to the Masculine and Feminine Dynamics podcast.

My name is Lorin Krenn and I'm a coach, author and hypnotherapist.

I help you to understand masculine and feminine dynamics.

Let's dive in.

Sign number one.

When a man lacks a strong spine, lacks a backbone for men, it is extremely

important in today's world to learn, to connect with their heart, to become

emotionally available and learn to hold space for their internal experience.

But it is equally important for men to cultivate a strong

spine, a strong backbone, or we can call it a masculine edge.

Let me give you an example to make this more practical.

Recently I was coaching a couple, and one specific challenge they faced is

that the woman felt very unsafe in specific key moments where she felt that

her husband was not standing up for her.

Another woman was flirting with him and also putting her, his wife down

in little and subtle and nasty ways, and he wanted to avoid conflict,

so he tried to create harmony.

He tried to find some middle ground, and she felt that he

wasn't standing up for her.

She felt and really desired for him to set a boundary to express

clearly that he will not tolerate such such behavior or such words.

But he thought that being spiritual or being in his heart or living his truth,

was to try to kind of minimize conflict and to avoid any form of tension.

And what happens here for many men is that being a pleaser becomes

confused with truly standing in the power of their hearts.

When a man is truly rooted in his heart, he's the opposite of a pleaser.

A pleaser is disconnected from his heart because when

we please we are inauthentic.

How could that be connected to the heart?

How could that be connected to love?

The highest expression of love is the expression that is in

service to the highest good.

This means if it's the highest good to create harmony, amazing.

But in this unique example, a boundary or a clear value had to be expressed.

Nothing too drastic, but it could have been as simple as I do not

tolerate such comments about my wife.

And that's it.

One sentence, and this is just one example, there are many

other ways to do this, but one sentence that expresses what?

His commitment, his fierceness, to protect his own truth, but

also to protect his loved ones.

His ability in this moment to be, to stand in his

power, to stand in his truth.

And as I coached him through this.

Immediately we noticed, number one, he actually deep down wanted to show and

wants to show up in this way, and she felt deeply safe just as we went into

this and about the possibility of that.

And then they started applying it.

And of course what happens?

There was so much more safety, so much more magnetism, so much

more trust between the two.

It is not about doing something really grand and specific.

It's about a very key moment where his wife was be, is being disrespected.

And in that moment to embody leadership, a sense of embodied

strength and presence, to really be able to stand his ground.

And this is what it means to have a strong spine and a backbone.

It means having a masculine edge and being able to show up in this way.

And this also relates to setting boundaries, protecting his loved ones.

This is incredibly magnetic to the feminine, and it allows,

it allows us men to feel much more confident within ourselves.

We want to be the spiritual warrior who is deeply connected to his heart,

and of course, if possible, who wants to avoid some form of drama,

fight, or anything along those lines.

But if necessary is able to stand in his highest power and truth, even

if that means confrontation, even if that means having the uncomfortable

conversation, even if that means setting a boundary and disappointing

others, disappointing their shadow, triggering other people's shadow.

In more practical terms, it is so important for a man to

connect, we can call this with his dark masculine energy.

One aspect of spiritual growth or embodying your healthy masculine

core is connecting with the love and your heart and compassion.

Another aspect is your dark masculine energy.

We could also refer to this as warrior energy.

Please note when I use the word dark, I don't mean dark

in the sense of shadow or evil.

I mean, there is a darker expression that is still conscious, an

expression that has an edge to it.

A direct masculine energy is rooted in the lower chakras, specifically

the root and the sacral chakra.

What they symbolize is the connection to the earth, raw,

primal, masculine energy.

And for so many men on their spiritual path, they find themselves

disconnected from their lower body.

They find themselves in a place where they're not able to embody

this raw and primal masculine energy.

There are many reasons for this.

One of them is that men don't have a powerful framework in today's world when

it comes to awakening, when it comes to stepping into their highest power

and truth as a man in today's world.

These two lower chakras also symbolize grounding, the importance for a

man to be able to be grounded and stand with both feet on the ground.

So much of the spiritual work is so dreamy and so in the clouds,

and it's great to be connected to spirit or whatever label or name

you want to give it, whatever you feel most connected to, in my

world, they're all one and the same.

And at the end of the day, embodiment is the ability, all these dreamy

and ideas to be able to apply these things, to become the teaching, to

experience the teaching grounding, it means grounding it into everyday

life because that's where their true transformation starts to unfold.

When a man is disconnect from his dark masculine energy,

it means he will most likely struggle with pleasing tendencies.

He might have some form of connection with his heart and compassion, but there

is no grounding of that spiritual depth.

There is no grounding of all these spiritual concepts.

They remain more in the cloud and lead to pleasing tendencies.

And showing up in this way symbolizes a disconnect with a man's deep,

masculine and healthy masculine core.

They create a deep sense of insecurity as well, because when you as a man

don't feel that you are standing with both feet on the ground, and all these

spiritual teachings are more in your head rather than an embodied reality

in your everyday life where their power unfolds through your breath,

through your words, through your service, through how you show up, then

you are not going to feel confident.

You are not going to feel secure within yourself.

And no matter how much you try to please, as long as you are engaging in

pleasing tendencies at a subtle level, it becomes much harder for others to

lean on you, for others to trust you, to trust you as a leader, to trust you

as a man, because there remains this sense of wanting to avoid discomfort,

wanting to avoid confrontation, not being able or not feeling able because

you are capable and able to do anything but not feeling capable or able in

that moment to really stand your ground and to protect those who are in

need of your protection and service.

A woman needs to feel at a deeper level, yes, you're connected to your

heart, amazing, but should there be a very challenging moment, that you are

going to be fucking standing in your highest power, whatever that means,

you will protect her and stand up for her and your truth at all costs.

So let's get practical.

How can you connect with your dark masculine energy more?

How can you work through pleasing tendencies?

Number one, and this is also important for women listening.

This is actually also how you can work through pleasing tendencies.

Start practicing saying no more often.

So saying no is fundamental to work through the pleaser archetype, because

by saying no, you will be quickly confronted with the disappointment

you try to avoid by pleasing others.

The pleaser within you ties his or her self worth to making others

happy, not seeing them disappointed.

It might look as if it's about them, but it's actually more about yourself

because your self-worth is tied up about not disappointing others,

because if you do disappoint others, then you don't feel you are worthy.

You don't feel in your power, you don't feel in your center.

So pleasing is less about others and more about an inside selfish gain

that masks as devotion to another.

Saying no, specifically saying no in a yes loving way, but also in

a grounded way, in a clear way and fierce if necessary, this means

not overly explaining yourself.

Taking up space and owning when you are a no for a situation, for

whatever arises, an invitation, owning that, no, you don't have to.

Some who work for the police archetype, then go to an extreme.

We don't want to go to an extreme.

You can still be kind, honoring, and respectful towards others while still

honoring your no, respecting your time and also standing in your truth.

The key is not overly explaining yourself, being very clear in your no.

And as you learn to say no more often, even to the person that

is most important to you, right?

When they say, Hey, let's do this, and you actually don't want to do

that, like go to this place., You really don't feel it, and if you

don't express that and then respond in a very vague way where they don't

really know what it is that you want, then, then you end up doing the thing,

but you are not connected to it.

You have, you haven't been honest in the first place, your energy is not

there, your presence is not there, you are creating suffering for this

internal conflict, and then you are there, then she or the other person

feels that you don't really actually want to be there, they feel confused,

there is resentment inside yourself, there is such a unconscious dynamic

that creates so much pain and creates a very vicious cycle, making it very

difficult for you to respect yourself and for others to respect your truth

and to trust your word and who you are.

Because they don't feel that you can express your needs and wants clearly.

And for a relationship to thrive, needs, wants and values have to be communicated

clearly, have to be expressed clearly.

Paradoxically, yes, sometimes you will annoy people and disappoint people by

saying no, but paradoxically, in the long run, people will respect you more,

because they can see that energetically you are respecting your truth.

And people respond to you based, not always, but usually based on your

level of respect towards yourself.

And as you respect yourself at the highest level, others respect you more.

Number two, jot this down as well, no vagueness in your speech.

This might be even more important for those of you struggling

with pleasing tendencies.

This is specifically important for men right now.

I would reframe that and talk about this slightly differently

when I would talk about pleasing tendencies with the feminine.

But talking about the masculine, energetic, it's about no

vagueness in your speech.

Often when there are pleasing tendencies, when you are disconnected

from your dark masculine energy, then for instance, your partner asks you a

question, and you don't answer clearly.

You don't say I want this, I want that, this is what I want,

expressing your values, expressing your needs, expressing your wants.

You kind of give an in-between answer.

And this vagueness creates unsafe for her because she

doesn't know where you are at.

She doesn't know what you truly want, and if she doesn't know what

you want, where you are going, what your needs are, then she

cannot fully trust you as a man.

So why are you doing this?

Because you're trying to avoid disappointing her.

But I can tell you this, by expressing your wants and needs, even if that

means she for a brief moment, feels oh wow, I thought you would be really

into this, but actually you aren't.

Whatever it is, right?

That's okay because in the long run she's going to respect you more

because she can trust that you will speak up, and when you like something,

you will say so, and when you don't like something, you will say so.

And this being impeccable with your words, being so intentional with

your wants and needs, creates deep, a deep sense of attraction and a

deep sense of safety and trust.

Even if in the short term it might mean for her to feel for a moment oh

wow, I thought maybe, but then in the long run, specifically in the right

relationship, it will create even deeper intimacy and even deeper connection

because our relationship is meant to ultimately embody the virtue of truth,

and this is the most truthful way of embodiment, being and communicating.

Sign number two, a lack of sexual passion, a lack of arousal, a sense

of disconnect with your sexual energy.

This is very, very subtle.

Most people normally do not create the link between this and being

disconnected from your masculine energy.

So when you have a lack of sexual passion, a lack of arousal, a

sense of feeling numbed out and disconnected from your masculine

energy, So there might be shame.

Shame about expressing your true desires in the bedroom sexually

with a woman, with a partner.

There might be fear, hesitancy, performance anxiety in the bedroom.

She desires to be ravished deeply by you and you inside feel this

block, feel this numbness, feel this sense of emotional overwhelm.

There is some form of emotional.

Turmoil and challenge, that's not allowing you to actually really

access your primal sexual energy in a healthy, empowering, and connected way.

This will especially happen with a woman who is more conscious.

This might seem like a paradox, but often as men, our conditioning around

sex and intimacy is, is so unconscious and so disconnected that then when we

are within very conscious woman and her, we feel the waves of love that emanate

from and radiate from her heart into hours as we become intimate, in that

moment, that might be a total shutdown.

We're not shutting down because we don't like her or because you're

not attracted to her, you experience a shutdown because there is an

overwhelm of emotion you are not used to experience your nervous system

has perhaps never experienced sexual energy flowing, connected with the deep

emotion and the deep sense of love.

Maybe there was a sense of lack of love, a void, and by habitually engaging in

this unconsciously for so many years.

Your body shuts down your nervous system, that's so

uncertain, that's unfamiliar.

So for men, what can happen is performance anxiety.

What can happen is no longer being able to get it up,

quote unquote, in the bedroom.

But it's, it's actually quite the opposite.

It's not that you don't desire her, it's that in that moment

there is an emotional overwhelm.

You are overwhelmed by the love and by the sacredness of this experience.

So what is the answer?

The answer is to learn to hold your internal emotional experience.

And number two, there is a fear of giving up control, which means

surrender needs to take place.

Let's put it in this way to not make it too abstract.

When you are have performance anxiety, your performance anxiety

is a way of trying to control what's happening in the bedroom.

Why do you need to control?

Because you don't trust yourself.

You don't trust your intuitive ability to lead the experience in the bedroom

into a really sacred and divinely beautiful experience for you both.

There's a sense of, oh, I need to control this.

What is going to happen?

Because if I don't know what's going to happen, then I don't feel confident.

Can you see how this is completely connected to your internal level of.

Insecurity?

You don't, you don't feel that you, that you can trust yourself.

You don't feel confident when you don't have control in the sense that you

know exactly what is going to happen.

So two things need to happen.

Number one, learning to hold space for that emotional

overwhelm inside yourself.

And this emotional overwhelm is that very similar energetically to

when you are extremely stressed out, and rather than being able to take.

Some time and ground and regain your center, you

start projecting it outwards.

That kind of overwhelm has a similar energetic to when you're in a bedroom,

you experience these waves of love and you shut down because it feels too much.

And the other bit is the surrender bit.

And that's really hard because surrender is often connected

as a feminine quality.

And what it is true that is more of the characteristic of a

feminine quality surrender, there is this spiritual warriorship

that is connected to surrender.

Surrender to your higher purpose, surrender to your deeper calling,

surrender to the experience in the bedroom to feel that mystical,

deep love that emanates from her heart into yours, and you don't

know how she's going to show up.

She's wild.

She's sensual.

She's so deeply connected to a sense of eroticism that is extremely mystical,

that you might have, no, I had no idea that existed in the first place.

But you feel it.

And in that moment to be able to trust yourself, trust your heart,

trust your cook, trust your body.

Wow.

That creates a magnetism, an attraction.

It's a divine unfolding in that moment.

What does it mean to surrender?

Surrender is not some kind of difficult, challenging thing that no one

understands, and it's all in the cloud.

Surrender, surrender.

Surrender simply means to let go of your ideas of how things have

to be, and ultimately to let go of control, to allow something

deeper within you to guide you.

And what is that?

We can call it your higher self.

We can call it spirit, we can call it God.

We can also call it your presence, your deeper self in that moment that knows

what to do, that knows how to show up, that knows how to access your sexual

energy in a healthy way, express that, and to create a really powerful or

beautiful and deeply aligned experience.

The moment you try to control is the moment your heart closes.

The moment you start to obsessively overthink, there is no blood flow.

All the energy is in your head.

Or there's less blood flow, not no blood flow.

And you lose connection to that deeper presence, to that deeper

self, to your intuitive masculine leadership in the bedroom.

And as you lose connection of that, she feels that, and the energy is

more of an energy of insecurity.

And this is then what leads to this performance?

Anxiety, hesitation and that disconnect that no one can put a label towards.

But it is there.

You both feel it, and it causes a lot of suffering and pain for you both.

The key here is of course, creating safety in your body.

Feeling safe to express your needs, but not just your needs.

As we discuss before when working for the pleaser, also being able

to express your sexual needs, desires, wants in a healthy way,

while of course, respecting.

Her heart and and making sure she feels safe in that.

When you truly feel safe in your body, safe to let go and allow your deeper

presence to be embodied, and then there will be no fear in the bedroom.

So I invited a jot down two key questions.

Number one, how can I create more safety in my life?

And the way to answer this is by daily spiritual practice.

So ultimately, how can I create a daily routine?

I teach this in my programs.

I teach this in my couples programs, in my men's programs, and of course

for women I teach them em, embodi and practices to create more safety

in my women's programs as well.

The way I have created safety in my body was specifically by

rigorous spiritual practice.

It's not just that.

The practice then has to be applied in everyday life by expressing your

needs, by expressing your wants, by speaking your highest truth.

But the practice is what creates the fundamental and the energy

to allow the truth to flow.

And then the practice continues, continues in its embodied

form through relationship.

So it's the practice and then applying this energy that you

create and cultivate within yourself in a relationship.

Miss out in the second bit.

And it's better than doing nothing, but it's not enough.

There are these two things, but the fundamental remains creating

and cultivating the deeper sense of safety and breath work, for instance,

is a very powerful way to do this.

I practice a lot of breath work and I teach very specific

masculine forms of breath work in my men's groups, for instance.

And of course I also go into this in my, in my couples programs.

The other question I invited Jo down is how would it feel to

release control in the bedroom and to just be able to trust yourself?

To let the passion and your desire sexual desires flow freely

without worry and hesitation.

I invite you to jot that down to write down how that would feel to connect

with that reality as you write it down and start to connect deeper with that

reality, you start to create a somewhat experience of that possibility, which

means it starts to draw you closer.

It's the beginning step of getting closer to this reality

Sign number three, passive energy, living an ordinary life.

No life is ordinary.

Everyone can have an extraordinary life because the quality of our

life is determined by the level of presence, focus, and the quality

of our energy that we give it how we show up to each moment.

That is what makes our life extraordinary.

It's less about externally kind of success we achieve.

It's all about our internal state from moment to moment.

So when a man is being passive, when a man is embodying a passive

energy, then that's of course a very strong sign that a man is

disconnected from his masculine energy.

When a man is very passive, specifically in relationship, doesn't initiate,

then it most likely means that there is a lack of vision, there is a lack

of direction, and there is a lack.

Of purpose or what could be is that your vision is very dreamy or in the clouds,

there's a lot of talking, but there is no doing, there's no applying things.

At a practical level, the bigger the gap between your ideas, thoughts, and

dreams and applying these things in your daily life, in your everyday life,

the bigger the gap, the more confused, ungrounded, nervous and anxious and

insecure you are going to feel as a man.

So a rigorous and consistent practice I have in my own

life is whenever I'm like, oh, dreamy, these ideas, this vision.

Okay, all great.

But how do I ground it?

How do I make practical steps out of this?

That's all nice, but unless I take the practical steps, unless

I put in the work, unless I give it my focus, how do I get to this

high level, well, how do I get it?

One step at a time, and by giving each step my deepest focus and presence,

because on each step you either fail, but then you learn something,

but you always move forward..

It's this effort, this energetic effort of presence and focus

that you give each step.

Many people talk and dream, but very few people put in the work to actually

apply this at a practical level because that's where it gets hard.

That's where you are confronted with your self sabotage behavior, your

unworthiness, your childhood wounding, whatever is inside you, that's still

holding you back from stepping into your highest power, from really connecting

with your healthy masculine energy.

So the way to do this is to create a clear vision of where you want to go

to, to, to start to really identify your purpose, right, both internally

and externally and ideally, the two should be connected if possible, and

if not, find ways to connect them.

So the way I would do it is jot down what is my deepest vision?

Where do I want to be in, say, five years time from now?

And then the even more important question, how can I make this practical?

What are the consistent habits, actions, practices that I need to

do to ensure that I am going in that direction that I'm moving closer to

the reality that I want to create?

And once as a man, you are clear about your direction in life, where you

are going, which step you are taking right now, that level of clarity

will be embodied in your energy.

it will be felt as others by a deeply powerful, confident,

authentically confident energy.

It will have a masculine edge to it.

It will have a deep sense of this man knows who he is, this

man knows where he's going.

It will create deeper respect with other men because they feel you

are really intrinsically connected to this value of direction,

purpose, and mission as a man.

At the same time, the feminine will feel she can trust you much more,

she can lean more onto you because she knows that you know every

fucking moment what you are doing.

And if you don't know what you're doing, then at least you're

putting energy and focus to find out what it is that you're doing.

She can still trust you then.

It's not that you have to have it perfectly figured out.

Forget about perfection, forget about, uh, it has to be perfect.

Purpose can change, deepen, shift, that's all fine, but

keeping your focus there.

And then when you know what you are doing in this life,

then you will always grow.

You will never live an ordinary life, because you're always focused on

each step, on moving closer, being present, and also simultaneously

connected to the highest vision.

Now, to summarize, this is what connects you with your deep, masculine core,

this is what allows you to really embody your healthy masculine energy.

To summarize, number one, cultivate a strong masculine

spine, a backbone and edge.

This means connecting with your dark masculine energy,

working for pleasing tendencies.

Really being able to ground all these spiritual concepts of love,

compassion, all of that, but in a way that you're standing with both feet

on the ground and if necessary, you stand in your power, you stand in your

truth, to protect your own truth, and to protect those you need to protect,

specifically your loved ones, those who need your service presence and energy.

Number two.

Learning to trust yourself in the bedroom, learning to hold space for the

emotional overwhelm, specifically when you are experiencing deep intimacy with

a woman who is more conscious or who is perhaps herself deep on the path.

Now, the most important thing there is to connect with a reality and how it

would feel to let go of this control, to no longer need this control, to

still feel safe and secure inside yourself because that is true power.

And number three is having a strong vision.

At the same time, always being focused on how you can make this practical.

If you know where you are going, who you are, what your needs are, then

others can lean on you, others can trust you, and you can you create so

much safety for everyone around you.

I have given you many action steps here.

Now is the moment of choice.

You can leave it and think, I'll get back to it later.

Forget about it, about it, continue going in the same spiral, not follow

through, or you can take action.

You can listen back to what I shared.

Jot down, reflect, journal, and start to actually apply these things.

In your everyday life to the best of your capacity because that is

when you become the embodiment.

That is the bridge and that bridge only you can create with focused awareness.

Thank you so much for listening to this episode.

I am deeply grateful to have you here and to be of service in your journey.

For me to continue to serve you at the deepest level, it

would mean the world to me.

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