1 00:00:07,184 --> 00:00:10,214 Well, Hey everybody, Jonathan Doyle with you here. 2 00:00:10,214 --> 00:00:13,544 Thanks so much for taking a moment to come and listen to this content. 3 00:00:14,024 --> 00:00:16,934 It's a great privilege to, uh, to have the gift of your time. 4 00:00:16,934 --> 00:00:20,324 Time is such a commodity in our modern and busy world. 5 00:00:20,324 --> 00:00:21,284 So welcome aboard. 6 00:00:22,094 --> 00:00:24,314 If you're listening to me, you're here for one or two reasons. 7 00:00:24,314 --> 00:00:27,884 You are either in the room recently where I spoke to about 500 parents. 8 00:00:28,604 --> 00:00:29,774 And Dave you're listening. 9 00:00:29,984 --> 00:00:30,884 When you were in the room. 10 00:00:30,884 --> 00:00:31,514 Welcome back. 11 00:00:31,514 --> 00:00:34,394 It was a really great night and so good to meet many of you afterwards. 12 00:00:34,694 --> 00:00:37,154 If you weren't there, you'll have come across this in another way. 13 00:00:37,154 --> 00:00:38,184 So welcome aboard. 14 00:00:38,744 --> 00:00:42,164 We are all in one way or another on this parenting journey together, 15 00:00:42,164 --> 00:00:45,384 this challenging, complex, demanding journey of parenting. 16 00:00:46,394 --> 00:00:49,394 I was thinking recently that, uh, you know, a few years ago I saw 17 00:00:49,394 --> 00:00:53,744 this photograph of the space shuttle in, inside on the cockpit and. 18 00:00:54,284 --> 00:00:58,814 And you look at that photograph, you can probably Google And, uh, you see this vast 19 00:00:58,814 --> 00:01:01,384 array of buttons and switches and dials. 20 00:01:02,264 --> 00:01:06,554 And, you know, it's fascinating to look at that complexity, but believe 21 00:01:06,554 --> 00:01:10,994 it or not, the space shuttle actually had a manual, an actual manual. 22 00:01:10,994 --> 00:01:12,784 You could read on how to pilot and fly 23 00:01:13,604 --> 00:01:16,724 And I'm mentioning this because it's interesting to note that something so 24 00:01:16,754 --> 00:01:21,254 vastly complicated still had a manual, but guess what else is really complicated and 25 00:01:21,254 --> 00:01:23,054 challenging, but doesn't have a manual. 26 00:01:23,474 --> 00:01:24,884 And that's your child and my. 27 00:01:24,974 --> 00:01:25,844 And my children. 28 00:01:26,234 --> 00:01:29,414 Uh, we all, uh, desire to be really good parents, but it 29 00:01:29,414 --> 00:01:30,344 doesn't come with a manual. 30 00:01:30,344 --> 00:01:30,674 Does it? 31 00:01:30,674 --> 00:01:35,144 It's, it's a challenging and, um, and at times frustrating task, 32 00:01:35,174 --> 00:01:38,714 but, uh, it is a task with giving a very best if it's two, because the. 33 00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:40,574 The results, both for. 34 00:01:41,024 --> 00:01:44,654 You know, for, in terms of our own vocations and for the wider culture. 35 00:01:45,194 --> 00:01:48,224 I just crucial at this particular moment in history. 36 00:01:48,224 --> 00:01:49,544 So friends welcome aboard. 37 00:01:50,054 --> 00:01:51,254 I want to talk about a few things. 38 00:01:51,254 --> 00:01:52,684 I want to just give a brief summary of the evening. 39 00:01:53,504 --> 00:01:57,794 And then I'm going to offer you some, you know, some of the key takeaways, hopefully 40 00:01:57,794 --> 00:01:59,084 that are practical for you as well. 41 00:01:59,084 --> 00:02:00,704 Karen and I have three children. 42 00:02:01,644 --> 00:02:04,704 And as I mentioned to the audience, we weren't able to have 43 00:02:04,704 --> 00:02:06,594 children for six and a half years. 44 00:02:06,594 --> 00:02:09,114 We were desperate to start a family, but we weren't able to. 45 00:02:09,114 --> 00:02:12,114 And eventually Karen was diagnosed with celiac disease. 46 00:02:12,114 --> 00:02:13,044 Once that was resolved. 47 00:02:14,004 --> 00:02:16,224 I, uh, I like to say we couldn't stop having children. 48 00:02:16,224 --> 00:02:16,644 We had three. 49 00:02:17,784 --> 00:02:19,244 In three and a half years. 50 00:02:19,944 --> 00:02:22,524 And as I record this, they're still quite young. 51 00:02:22,584 --> 00:02:26,644 And, uh, but so all I'm saying is we're very much on this journey with you guys. 52 00:02:27,324 --> 00:02:31,374 As we try to do our very best and learn as much as we can and, um, hopefully 53 00:02:31,374 --> 00:02:34,404 share some of what we're learning and what we've learned over the years. 54 00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:35,544 My background, I guess, uh, 55 00:02:35,904 --> 00:02:37,644 You know, has been in the education sector. 56 00:02:37,644 --> 00:02:41,394 I've got a bunch of postgraduate degrees and, uh, have spent the last 57 00:02:41,394 --> 00:02:44,934 kind of, I guess what it must be now two decades, uh, speaking around the 58 00:02:44,934 --> 00:02:47,184 world to more than 400,000 people. 59 00:02:47,634 --> 00:02:49,224 On all these sorts of topics. 60 00:02:49,224 --> 00:02:52,284 And, uh, so that's kind of, what's brought us into this space 61 00:02:52,284 --> 00:02:54,244 and let's, uh, let's jump in 62 00:02:55,164 --> 00:02:59,754 Look, what I titled the presentation was I called it one big idea 63 00:02:59,754 --> 00:03:01,134 in three useful questions. 64 00:03:01,134 --> 00:03:04,614 So I want to give you one main idea that kind of permeates the 65 00:03:04,614 --> 00:03:07,284 presentation and they're going to frame three useful questions. 66 00:03:07,284 --> 00:03:08,744 And then in the end, I'm just going to give you a summary. 67 00:03:09,534 --> 00:03:13,224 Of some of the practical ideas that I think we can all put into place. 68 00:03:13,584 --> 00:03:17,004 So the one essential, big idea that I'm keen to share with all of us 69 00:03:17,724 --> 00:03:21,144 is simply the idea that no one can parent your child better than you. 70 00:03:22,074 --> 00:03:26,604 Now I know in the difficulties and challenges of daily life, it 71 00:03:26,604 --> 00:03:28,254 can feel that that's not the case. 72 00:03:28,254 --> 00:03:28,524 Right. 73 00:03:28,524 --> 00:03:30,504 You can sometimes feel that you're not getting it right. 74 00:03:30,504 --> 00:03:32,424 Or there's all sorts of challenges and problems. 75 00:03:32,934 --> 00:03:35,994 And, and, you know, I don't want to digress, but all of 76 00:03:35,994 --> 00:03:36,864 us are in a different place. 77 00:03:36,864 --> 00:03:37,544 Some of us, you 78 00:03:38,484 --> 00:03:40,374 Uh, parenting comes pretty easily to us. 79 00:03:40,374 --> 00:03:42,324 We've been blessed with relatively easy kids. 80 00:03:42,324 --> 00:03:44,994 Some of us Not in that situation, right. 81 00:03:45,024 --> 00:03:45,894 We're dealing with. 82 00:03:46,464 --> 00:03:50,724 Often complex, uh, behavioral problems or peer group problems. 83 00:03:50,724 --> 00:03:52,674 And, you know, there's a spectrum right? 84 00:03:52,674 --> 00:03:56,004 From, from no problems all the way up to extreme problems. 85 00:03:56,004 --> 00:03:59,844 But I do want to really encourage us all to remember that no matter how 86 00:03:59,874 --> 00:04:02,044 difficult or easy it may feel at times, 87 00:04:02,934 --> 00:04:05,724 We've got to hold onto this belief that we're meant to be the particular 88 00:04:05,724 --> 00:04:07,544 parent given to our particular children. 89 00:04:07,974 --> 00:04:10,344 And that no one can do this better than you because no one could 90 00:04:10,344 --> 00:04:12,204 ever be more invested than you. 91 00:04:12,804 --> 00:04:16,704 So I'd like to think that God has really chosen and ordained you to be the 92 00:04:16,704 --> 00:04:19,444 specific parent of your specific child. 93 00:04:20,424 --> 00:04:23,274 And if that's the case, and I've got a relatively diverse audience 94 00:04:23,274 --> 00:04:24,864 listening to this summary, but. 95 00:04:25,644 --> 00:04:28,374 You know, I like to think in the sense of vocation, if we've 96 00:04:28,374 --> 00:04:30,324 been called into a vocation. 97 00:04:30,834 --> 00:04:32,444 Such as the vocation of parenting. 98 00:04:33,234 --> 00:04:38,724 Then if God calls us into that, then it's his problem to sustain us in it. 99 00:04:39,024 --> 00:04:42,384 So by that, I mean that, I think there's a deep, spiritual, 100 00:04:42,774 --> 00:04:44,784 sacred aspect to parenting. 101 00:04:44,814 --> 00:04:45,844 And if we're caught into it, 102 00:04:46,644 --> 00:04:50,724 Part of our journey will be trusting that we are supposed to be there. 103 00:04:51,294 --> 00:04:54,144 I spoke in Boise, Idaho a few years ago and I never forget 104 00:04:54,144 --> 00:04:55,554 what the, the Bishop said. 105 00:04:55,554 --> 00:04:57,834 He was introducing me to a teaching convention. 106 00:04:57,834 --> 00:05:00,684 And, uh, I remember him famously saying, he said, everybody, 107 00:05:00,714 --> 00:05:04,044 you've got to stop trying to make Jesus unemployed, who has liked 108 00:05:04,884 --> 00:05:09,984 So for me, there's a deep, um, spiritual basis to what we're doing here and 109 00:05:09,984 --> 00:05:11,604 that God wants to support us in it. 110 00:05:11,634 --> 00:05:11,994 So. 111 00:05:12,654 --> 00:05:15,594 As I mentioned before, there's a lot of differences for us, uh, in 112 00:05:15,624 --> 00:05:17,424 difference in our life experiences. 113 00:05:17,424 --> 00:05:21,024 So some of us, you know, there may be some single parents There'll be some of 114 00:05:21,024 --> 00:05:23,574 us listening where everything's going well, as I said, some of us listening, we 115 00:05:23,604 --> 00:05:24,944 everything's a challenge and difficulty. 116 00:05:25,884 --> 00:05:28,284 But despite the differences that we have. 117 00:05:28,914 --> 00:05:31,644 And the other difference I mentioned on the night too, I should recall. 118 00:05:32,424 --> 00:05:34,824 Is our own experiences of being parented. 119 00:05:34,824 --> 00:05:37,884 So, you know, our own experience of our own childhoods. 120 00:05:38,334 --> 00:05:41,244 Some of us had a really straightforward, easy childhood. 121 00:05:41,244 --> 00:05:43,644 Some of us had extremely difficult childhoods. 122 00:05:44,154 --> 00:05:48,684 And therefore, you know, the, uh, The experiences that we've had 123 00:05:48,684 --> 00:05:51,714 really shaped our parenting and, and create either blessings or 124 00:05:51,714 --> 00:05:53,094 challenges for us on the journey. 125 00:05:53,664 --> 00:05:54,944 But despite the differences. 126 00:05:55,524 --> 00:05:59,964 I was really keen to say that what unites us all as parents, the one thing that 127 00:05:59,994 --> 00:06:01,344 we could say, despite our differences. 128 00:06:02,394 --> 00:06:06,324 What unites all of us as parents is that we desire the good of our children, 129 00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:07,644 that we love them, that we desire. 130 00:06:07,704 --> 00:06:08,664 Good for them. 131 00:06:09,324 --> 00:06:14,144 Uh, in my post-grad work in philosophical anthropology, we did a lot of work on. 132 00:06:14,604 --> 00:06:17,664 Understanding The deeper meaning of human love. 133 00:06:17,694 --> 00:06:22,614 And it's been highly sentimentalize in our culture into a purely emotive 134 00:06:22,644 --> 00:06:27,144 construct, but decide that you love your children really means that yes, 135 00:06:27,144 --> 00:06:28,744 there can be an affective component. 136 00:06:29,664 --> 00:06:33,234 Boredom really means that we desire good happens to them for their 137 00:06:33,234 --> 00:06:34,824 own sake, for their own good. 138 00:06:35,304 --> 00:06:38,214 So what unites every one of us is that if we could wave 139 00:06:38,214 --> 00:06:40,374 a magic wand, we would, will. 140 00:06:40,854 --> 00:06:42,644 That good happens to them, not just that. 141 00:06:43,044 --> 00:06:47,304 They have good experiences, but that they become good on this journey of life. 142 00:06:47,754 --> 00:06:51,654 And the last kind of opening point I made was to remind us all. 143 00:06:52,314 --> 00:06:53,724 There'll be nothing more significant. 144 00:06:53,754 --> 00:06:55,824 I think that we'll ever do in this life. 145 00:06:56,394 --> 00:06:58,104 Everything else can be taken from you, right? 146 00:06:58,134 --> 00:07:02,244 Every, every bit of success that you've had in your life, whether it's career 147 00:07:02,244 --> 00:07:04,944 success, financial, professional, whatever it is, you know, you can be. 148 00:07:05,604 --> 00:07:08,784 General secretary of the United nations, you know, whatever you could be president, 149 00:07:08,784 --> 00:07:11,034 but all of these things can be taken away. 150 00:07:11,184 --> 00:07:16,464 And all of these things are susceptible to the ravages of time, sooner or later, 151 00:07:16,764 --> 00:07:18,354 all of these things can be taken from us. 152 00:07:18,384 --> 00:07:18,804 So. 153 00:07:19,704 --> 00:07:21,344 What I like to say to people is. 154 00:07:22,404 --> 00:07:26,214 In the final moments of our lives, you know, it really, what will 155 00:07:26,214 --> 00:07:30,114 be most significant to us will be the people in the room with us in 156 00:07:30,114 --> 00:07:31,744 those final moments of our lives. 157 00:07:32,694 --> 00:07:35,514 You know, and, and I quoted Saint John of the cross who famously said 158 00:07:35,514 --> 00:07:40,284 at the sunset of our lives, we will be judged on how we have loved. 159 00:07:41,094 --> 00:07:44,184 You know, so in the daily battle of life and all the complexities that we're 160 00:07:44,184 --> 00:07:47,604 all living through, the busy-ness, the overwhelm, all of that, that defines so 161 00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:51,474 much modern life and modern parenting hold onto the fact that really. 162 00:07:52,434 --> 00:07:55,674 You know, in the day-to-day daily grind, everything's screaming at us, right? 163 00:07:55,704 --> 00:07:58,914 There's so many emergencies, there's so many contingencies and 164 00:07:58,944 --> 00:07:59,744 things you've got to deal with. 165 00:08:00,174 --> 00:08:02,814 But let's try and hold onto this truth that this parenting journey 166 00:08:02,814 --> 00:08:06,624 is just about the most significant thing that we're going to be doing. 167 00:08:06,714 --> 00:08:06,954 All right. 168 00:08:06,954 --> 00:08:08,454 So let's move on to these three useful questions. 169 00:08:08,454 --> 00:08:11,244 So we've got the one big idea, which is that you're meant to be doing this. 170 00:08:11,454 --> 00:08:13,464 You're uniquely positioned to be doing this. 171 00:08:13,464 --> 00:08:14,754 No one can do this better than you. 172 00:08:15,264 --> 00:08:15,594 Okay. 173 00:08:15,594 --> 00:08:15,844 So. 174 00:08:16,644 --> 00:08:20,424 The three useful questions that I framed these number one, what is your deepest 175 00:08:20,424 --> 00:08:23,344 desire as a parent for your child? 176 00:08:23,724 --> 00:08:25,734 Where's the deepest desire that you have for them. 177 00:08:25,914 --> 00:08:29,154 Second question was what stops you from achieving that desire? 178 00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:35,184 And finally, uh, what can we do to more closely realize our desire for 179 00:08:35,184 --> 00:08:37,104 our children's growth and flourishing? 180 00:08:37,104 --> 00:08:38,124 So what is it that we want? 181 00:08:38,334 --> 00:08:42,804 What stops us, getting what we want and what can we do to make it more frequent, 182 00:08:42,804 --> 00:08:44,124 having more frequent experience of. 183 00:08:44,514 --> 00:08:48,264 Of approximating what we truly desire in this parenting journey. 184 00:08:48,264 --> 00:08:51,444 So I'm going to step through those quickly and then I'll give you the, um, 185 00:08:51,534 --> 00:08:54,834 the, what I come up with in the end, I came up with eight practical things or. 186 00:08:55,374 --> 00:08:58,044 You know, a mix of theoretical and practical things we can do. 187 00:08:59,004 --> 00:08:59,484 Are you ready? 188 00:08:59,514 --> 00:09:01,644 We're almost, uh, we, we, we're almost there. 189 00:09:02,304 --> 00:09:03,534 It's a short summary. 190 00:09:04,014 --> 00:09:05,184 Uh, time is precious. 191 00:09:05,184 --> 00:09:06,804 So let's do it the first useful question. 192 00:09:06,804 --> 00:09:11,454 What's your deepest desire as a parent for your child I did an, this sort of 193 00:09:11,454 --> 00:09:15,144 experiment in the room where I said, if you ask most people, you ask the, the 194 00:09:15,324 --> 00:09:19,224 man or woman on the street, the average person, the average parent, most people 195 00:09:19,224 --> 00:09:21,804 tend to say something along the lines of. 196 00:09:22,494 --> 00:09:24,044 That they want their child to be happy. 197 00:09:25,494 --> 00:09:29,574 So, what I said on the night again, was that's problematic for a few reasons. 198 00:09:29,574 --> 00:09:33,054 One is, you know, at least without going deep down this rabbit hole. 199 00:09:33,564 --> 00:09:38,634 The meaning of the word, happiness has undergone a rather seismic. 200 00:09:38,904 --> 00:09:41,844 Uh, transformation since around the time of the French revolution. 201 00:09:43,254 --> 00:09:44,094 Before that. 202 00:09:44,574 --> 00:09:47,244 If you asked somebody about happiness or what it meant to be happy. 203 00:09:48,114 --> 00:09:52,614 They would not have conceptualized it as necessarily a feeling state. 204 00:09:53,184 --> 00:09:55,074 As in an emotive feeling state. 205 00:09:55,074 --> 00:09:59,034 So what I say to people to help them understand initially is the problem 206 00:09:59,034 --> 00:10:01,974 with saying that your desire is happiness, or you want your child, 207 00:10:01,974 --> 00:10:03,264 or you want someone to be happy. 208 00:10:03,624 --> 00:10:04,284 You have to remember that. 209 00:10:04,584 --> 00:10:06,234 Ax murderers and psychopaths. 210 00:10:06,654 --> 00:10:11,214 Uh, capable of experiencing the emotive reaction of happiness. 211 00:10:11,574 --> 00:10:14,214 Regardless of how abberant their behaviors are. 212 00:10:14,724 --> 00:10:17,154 So if our greatest desire for our children is nothing other than a 213 00:10:17,154 --> 00:10:19,284 feeling state that's problematic, right? 214 00:10:19,284 --> 00:10:19,704 Because. 215 00:10:20,184 --> 00:10:25,134 You know, It means they're the goal state of their being is very much at 216 00:10:25,134 --> 00:10:27,474 risk of the vicissitudes of life, right? 217 00:10:27,474 --> 00:10:28,644 Like they hacked. 218 00:10:29,154 --> 00:10:32,004 Well, I have this feeling state if they experienced loss or suffering. 219 00:10:32,034 --> 00:10:32,304 So. 220 00:10:32,994 --> 00:10:34,344 What does happiness really mean? 221 00:10:34,854 --> 00:10:39,264 So I took the audience back to the deepest roots of it, which probably go back to. 222 00:10:40,104 --> 00:10:42,744 You'd say probably maybe 500 BC. 223 00:10:43,374 --> 00:10:45,324 You know, classical Athens kind of thing. 224 00:10:45,714 --> 00:10:46,254 Where. 225 00:10:47,094 --> 00:10:50,964 The idea of happiness was based on the Greek philosophical idea 226 00:10:50,964 --> 00:10:52,224 of what they called a Damon. 227 00:10:52,614 --> 00:10:56,754 Not a demon, a Damon, which was this idea that the Greeks had, that we all 228 00:10:56,754 --> 00:11:01,764 carry within us a, like an imprint upon our soul, which you can understand as 229 00:11:01,764 --> 00:11:04,344 like software code or computer code. 230 00:11:05,304 --> 00:11:08,454 And the goal of life is to take that source code. 231 00:11:08,904 --> 00:11:11,364 And actualize it into the world, right? 232 00:11:11,364 --> 00:11:15,114 To bring out all your potentiality, all the courage. 233 00:11:15,114 --> 00:11:16,554 You could have all the compassion. 234 00:11:16,554 --> 00:11:18,544 You could have all the creativity you could 235 00:11:19,524 --> 00:11:22,464 And take that code and bring it out into the world. 236 00:11:22,854 --> 00:11:27,024 And if you did that, the Greeks would refer to you as a, you de Mon or you would 237 00:11:27,024 --> 00:11:28,704 experience what they call the eudaimonia. 238 00:11:29,364 --> 00:11:31,464 And for the Greeks, that was kind of the goal of the good life. 239 00:11:31,884 --> 00:11:36,504 Was to take the natural potential for good within you 240 00:11:36,504 --> 00:11:37,644 and bring it out into the world. 241 00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:42,234 So, and the vehicle for it, the modality, the way that they did it 242 00:11:42,234 --> 00:11:44,184 was through what they call virtue. 243 00:11:44,454 --> 00:11:47,544 That the way that you brought this thing out into the world was living virtuously. 244 00:11:47,964 --> 00:11:48,174 All right. 245 00:11:48,174 --> 00:11:50,904 So that's the end of the philosophy philosophy lesson. 246 00:11:51,354 --> 00:11:55,554 But my point is if our desire for our children is happiness, what it really 247 00:11:55,554 --> 00:11:59,304 means is that our desire should be for what the Greeks would say is true. 248 00:11:59,514 --> 00:12:00,944 Human flourishing. 249 00:12:01,824 --> 00:12:06,354 All of the potentiality in your child coming out into the world over the 250 00:12:06,444 --> 00:12:08,344 life course over their life journey. 251 00:12:09,054 --> 00:12:12,504 So it's the development of character then becoming all that they could 252 00:12:12,504 --> 00:12:15,984 be not in the kind of Oprah new age sense where it's all about. 253 00:12:15,984 --> 00:12:21,174 You know, self-actualization often say that I, I think, uh, Maslow was wrong. 254 00:12:21,174 --> 00:12:23,544 You'd all be familiar with the idea of, you know, that the Maslow's. 255 00:12:24,474 --> 00:12:26,994 Hierarchy of needs and self actualization was the pinnacle. 256 00:12:26,994 --> 00:12:28,524 I think he was fundamentally wrong. 257 00:12:28,554 --> 00:12:31,734 And if you read biographies of his life, he was pretty strange cat. 258 00:12:31,794 --> 00:12:33,144 I mean, to be honest, go have a look. 259 00:12:33,774 --> 00:12:37,344 Uh, I don't discount everything he said, but the idea that self actualization 260 00:12:37,344 --> 00:12:39,054 was a pinnacle is I think incorrect. 261 00:12:39,504 --> 00:12:40,144 Uh, the. 262 00:12:40,944 --> 00:12:44,424 Pinnacle of the human experience is something that, 263 00:12:44,454 --> 00:12:45,594 um, you know, if you look at. 264 00:12:45,984 --> 00:12:48,564 For example, Thomas Merton's book, the seven story mountain. 265 00:12:48,594 --> 00:12:52,314 He makes the point that that the ultimate point is not self, 266 00:12:52,344 --> 00:12:54,564 you know, Self actualization. 267 00:12:54,564 --> 00:12:59,364 Self-transcendence it's to go beyond the self to take all that you are 268 00:12:59,784 --> 00:13:03,474 and offer it up into the world in, in the gift of yourself, to the 269 00:13:03,474 --> 00:13:06,924 world and to relationships and to creativity, into building the common 270 00:13:06,924 --> 00:13:08,244 good, all those sorts of ideas. 271 00:13:08,934 --> 00:13:09,294 So. 272 00:13:10,224 --> 00:13:12,684 Well, I guess what I'm getting at here, and I apologize if I've just, 273 00:13:13,404 --> 00:13:16,314 Fall and tripped over and falling down the philosophy rabbit hole. 274 00:13:16,314 --> 00:13:18,654 But I think we need to get some of this back. 275 00:13:18,684 --> 00:13:23,874 I think we need to think deeply about what is a fundamental desire for parenting. 276 00:13:23,874 --> 00:13:26,214 I find it sometimes when we have to deal with consequences 277 00:13:26,214 --> 00:13:27,204 in our own parenting, right. 278 00:13:27,204 --> 00:13:29,454 We have to set boundaries for our kids. 279 00:13:29,874 --> 00:13:33,114 And I don't know if you do this, but I can second guess myself, am I being too hard? 280 00:13:33,144 --> 00:13:34,134 Am I being too easy? 281 00:13:34,194 --> 00:13:35,844 What's the, you know, what's the right mix here. 282 00:13:35,844 --> 00:13:38,044 And then I remind myself, you know what I'm trying to do here. 283 00:13:38,664 --> 00:13:39,924 Is form character. 284 00:13:39,924 --> 00:13:42,714 What I'm trying to do here is what the Greeks were saying 285 00:13:42,744 --> 00:13:44,244 is to take this imprint. 286 00:13:44,874 --> 00:13:48,024 And use the vehicle of virtue and character development. 287 00:13:48,024 --> 00:13:50,544 So that child flourishes in life. 288 00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:51,354 Okay. 289 00:13:51,534 --> 00:13:51,924 So. 290 00:13:52,674 --> 00:13:56,214 I hope that's useful that what we want is their happiness, but that hair happiness 291 00:13:56,274 --> 00:13:58,344 conceptualized as human flourishing. 292 00:13:59,124 --> 00:14:03,114 Potentiality through the vehicle of virtue and character development. 293 00:14:03,114 --> 00:14:04,104 That's what we're after. 294 00:14:04,554 --> 00:14:05,644 And the last thing is 295 00:14:06,324 --> 00:14:10,144 As an answer to question one, what should deepest desire as a parent for your child? 296 00:14:10,914 --> 00:14:15,834 Is I shared a story of my oldest child, Olivia, who is a. 297 00:14:16,074 --> 00:14:21,264 You know, we've we, we took her out of formal schooling and she's been home 298 00:14:21,264 --> 00:14:23,454 educated and just doing a phenomenal job. 299 00:14:23,484 --> 00:14:25,044 Like she's, she's just achieving. 300 00:14:25,524 --> 00:14:26,344 You know, amazing 301 00:14:27,174 --> 00:14:30,354 Doing a kind of great books, classical education program out of the U S. 302 00:14:31,044 --> 00:14:35,004 And a few weeks ago, my oldest brother was over with his family. 303 00:14:35,034 --> 00:14:38,544 We were having lunch on a Sunday and afterwards everyone was sitting around. 304 00:14:38,634 --> 00:14:39,954 He asked me how Olivia was going. 305 00:14:39,954 --> 00:14:40,794 And I just raved. 306 00:14:40,824 --> 00:14:44,874 I said, mate, I said, she's You know, in this beautiful space she's doing so well. 307 00:14:44,874 --> 00:14:45,144 She's reading. 308 00:14:45,984 --> 00:14:48,984 You know, to talk feels, uh, Democracy in America, she's 309 00:14:48,984 --> 00:14:50,214 reading the Federalist papers. 310 00:14:50,214 --> 00:14:51,534 She's reading Plato's Republic. 311 00:14:51,534 --> 00:14:52,244 She's 15. 312 00:14:52,944 --> 00:14:56,544 And, you know, I said, she's just amazing, you know, she's, she's got, 313 00:14:56,604 --> 00:14:58,254 she's working, she's done all this stuff. 314 00:14:58,314 --> 00:14:58,464 And. 315 00:14:59,274 --> 00:14:59,844 He said something. 316 00:14:59,844 --> 00:15:00,654 It really stuck with me. 317 00:15:00,684 --> 00:15:02,844 And trust me, there's no, triumphalism in this. 318 00:15:02,874 --> 00:15:05,514 You know, it's like, we've, we've been, we, we prayed a lot. 319 00:15:05,514 --> 00:15:06,564 We've worked hard. 320 00:15:06,564 --> 00:15:07,614 We've tried to do what we can. 321 00:15:08,334 --> 00:15:14,634 But he said to me, he said, oh, it's because she's taken on your values. 322 00:15:15,564 --> 00:15:17,144 She's taken on your values. 323 00:15:17,634 --> 00:15:19,164 And it really struck me. 324 00:15:19,164 --> 00:15:21,594 I suddenly realized I went he's right. 325 00:15:21,624 --> 00:15:22,674 Like she's actually. 326 00:15:23,244 --> 00:15:26,724 Looked at Karen and I and our view of the world and what we value 327 00:15:26,754 --> 00:15:28,374 and believe is worth valuing. 328 00:15:28,374 --> 00:15:28,944 What is worth. 329 00:15:29,694 --> 00:15:30,534 You know, what's true. 330 00:15:30,534 --> 00:15:31,244 Good and beautiful. 331 00:15:32,124 --> 00:15:32,644 And she has. 332 00:15:33,564 --> 00:15:41,634 I guess witnessed Considered And taken it on as, as appropriate for her. 333 00:15:42,444 --> 00:15:46,884 So at this point, I guess some people can push back and say, well, have you 334 00:15:46,884 --> 00:15:50,724 just created an automate on if you just created a robot carbon copy of 335 00:15:50,724 --> 00:15:52,314 yourself in Canada, it's not true at all. 336 00:15:52,314 --> 00:15:53,814 I don't think that's remotely what's happened. 337 00:15:54,714 --> 00:15:56,784 I think that she has. 338 00:15:57,444 --> 00:16:03,144 Just observed and thought and read and experienced and it has and taken it on. 339 00:16:03,594 --> 00:16:09,174 And if people still resist that I say to them, well, it as a parent, I guess, 340 00:16:09,174 --> 00:16:13,074 because you could say, well, you know, you children should encounter the world 341 00:16:13,074 --> 00:16:15,744 and meet all these different people and make their own value judgements over time. 342 00:16:15,744 --> 00:16:15,944 I go. 343 00:16:16,494 --> 00:16:17,044 I don't know, friends. 344 00:16:17,844 --> 00:16:18,544 Think about it this way. 345 00:16:19,044 --> 00:16:21,744 If you do not want your child to take on your values. 346 00:16:22,794 --> 00:16:27,384 Exactly whose values do you want them to take That's a pretty 347 00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:28,884 confronting question, right? 348 00:16:28,884 --> 00:16:32,664 Because if you do not want your child to take on your values, we've got a 349 00:16:32,664 --> 00:16:36,534 problem here because for that to be true, you would have to believe that 350 00:16:36,564 --> 00:16:39,954 either your values aren't that good and there's better one somewhere else. 351 00:16:40,194 --> 00:16:40,944 And that's a pretty. 352 00:16:41,664 --> 00:16:43,244 Depressing thought to be honest. 353 00:16:43,944 --> 00:16:48,384 You know, I think we should, as parents have some, you know, some courage in 354 00:16:48,504 --> 00:16:52,254 the, the significance of what we believe to be true and what we've experienced. 355 00:16:52,704 --> 00:16:56,724 I think just try not to go down the rabbit hole, but I think one of the In 356 00:16:56,724 --> 00:17:02,094 post-modernity is the idea that, that, that young people are inherently wise 357 00:17:02,094 --> 00:17:03,834 and they are the equal of their elders. 358 00:17:03,834 --> 00:17:06,594 That can't be, you got to live long enough, like, um, 359 00:17:07,134 --> 00:17:11,604 You know, I remember my forties now and I'm like, you I still figuring it out. 360 00:17:11,604 --> 00:17:12,774 Like you have to live long enough. 361 00:17:12,774 --> 00:17:13,824 You have to have a lot of experience. 362 00:17:13,824 --> 00:17:18,684 You have to suffer and file and have some wins and live life to kind of 363 00:17:18,684 --> 00:17:20,724 frame what you know, to be true. 364 00:17:20,724 --> 00:17:22,074 And what is worth valuing. 365 00:17:22,074 --> 00:17:22,344 So. 366 00:17:23,064 --> 00:17:27,654 I think we can be, it is okay for, to want your child to take on your values. 367 00:17:27,714 --> 00:17:28,344 I really do. 368 00:17:29,064 --> 00:17:32,904 You know, and the last thing I'll say about that For a long time, Olivia and 369 00:17:32,904 --> 00:17:34,344 I would get up every Saturday morning. 370 00:17:34,344 --> 00:17:36,264 We drive two hours to the coast. 371 00:17:36,534 --> 00:17:38,444 Uh, cause she loves surfing and we got into surfing. 372 00:17:39,444 --> 00:17:43,104 And unless two hours there, we would just talk and listen to interesting 373 00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:46,844 podcasts about the world and history and geopolitics, and talk about 374 00:17:47,544 --> 00:17:51,504 Then we drive back for two hours and I look back at that time and it was tiring. 375 00:17:51,504 --> 00:17:52,404 It was exhausting. 376 00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:56,124 It was a lot of driving, but I really see that time as formative in shaping. 377 00:17:56,424 --> 00:17:59,124 So I just want to say to you, what's your deepest desire for your child? 378 00:17:59,124 --> 00:18:02,244 Flourishing character development virtue, and that they. 379 00:18:02,754 --> 00:18:06,054 Take on the best of your values, maybe they didn't take on absolutely everything, 380 00:18:06,054 --> 00:18:07,244 but the best of what you value. 381 00:18:07,914 --> 00:18:08,154 All right. 382 00:18:08,154 --> 00:18:08,694 Number two. 383 00:18:08,814 --> 00:18:12,354 What stops us from getting what we desire for our child and. 384 00:18:13,164 --> 00:18:13,824 You know what I said? 385 00:18:13,824 --> 00:18:15,294 There's, there's three factors. 386 00:18:15,294 --> 00:18:18,294 The first two, I mentioned a briefly, the third, I talked about a bit more. 387 00:18:18,984 --> 00:18:20,934 The first factor that stops us. 388 00:18:20,934 --> 00:18:23,784 Like our hearts are full of hope for our kids. 389 00:18:23,784 --> 00:18:23,994 Right. 390 00:18:23,994 --> 00:18:25,794 So what stops it from working? 391 00:18:26,574 --> 00:18:29,064 Number one is the surrounding culture itself. 392 00:18:29,844 --> 00:18:31,884 Uh, I refer to this as. 393 00:18:32,544 --> 00:18:35,964 Uh, you know, I just, I sort of said to the audience, I don't want to spend the 394 00:18:35,964 --> 00:18:38,364 next half an hour on a whiteboard listing. 395 00:18:38,514 --> 00:18:41,514 All the things that you know are really wrong with our culture. 396 00:18:41,514 --> 00:18:42,624 I think that happens a lot. 397 00:18:42,624 --> 00:18:42,834 Right. 398 00:18:42,834 --> 00:18:43,244 We list. 399 00:18:43,794 --> 00:18:46,824 Body image and social media and pornography and all these 400 00:18:46,854 --> 00:18:48,114 things that affect our kids. 401 00:18:48,114 --> 00:18:48,954 And they're all real. 402 00:18:48,954 --> 00:18:51,844 And then we need to talk about them in, In the right context. 403 00:18:52,524 --> 00:18:57,204 But I just said, look, the culture around us in general is inimical to the values 404 00:18:57,204 --> 00:18:58,614 that most of us hold for parenting. 405 00:18:58,614 --> 00:18:58,824 Right? 406 00:18:58,824 --> 00:19:00,204 It's just, it just is. 407 00:19:00,534 --> 00:19:04,854 So my synopsis of the culture, what I think is happening is what we've 408 00:19:04,884 --> 00:19:10,044 got is essentially late stage hyper consumerist, technocratic capitalism. 409 00:19:10,704 --> 00:19:15,744 Infused with a kind of Nietzschean, nihilism and endemic cultural Marxism. 410 00:19:15,744 --> 00:19:16,884 I think that's basically a. 411 00:19:17,514 --> 00:19:18,444 A good synopsis. 412 00:19:18,444 --> 00:19:20,244 We've got a huge regulatory capture. 413 00:19:21,144 --> 00:19:25,884 We've kind of got the fusing of huge corporations, the political 414 00:19:25,884 --> 00:19:30,384 Millia and, uh, legacy media, those three things reinforce and 415 00:19:30,414 --> 00:19:32,094 feed off each other financially. 416 00:19:32,094 --> 00:19:32,274 And. 417 00:19:32,934 --> 00:19:37,224 And, and we've got You know, this Nietzschean nihilism still floating 418 00:19:37,224 --> 00:19:40,794 around that nothing can be truly known that there's no, you know, 419 00:19:40,794 --> 00:19:45,474 the good and evil are purely, um, relative and the will to power. 420 00:19:45,474 --> 00:19:49,434 And then you've got cultural Marxism with its inherent focus on victim groups and 421 00:19:49,854 --> 00:19:51,534 creating sorts of cultural evolution. 422 00:19:51,534 --> 00:19:52,884 I think that's all over the place. 423 00:19:52,884 --> 00:19:53,574 It's everywhere. 424 00:19:53,574 --> 00:19:53,944 It's just. 425 00:19:54,894 --> 00:19:58,284 You know, I think for myself having written study very deeply, I just kind 426 00:19:58,284 --> 00:20:00,864 of say to people, I feel like it's the last scene of wizard of Oz and I 427 00:20:00,864 --> 00:20:03,144 pulled back the curtain and I've seen what's going on behind the curtain 428 00:20:03,774 --> 00:20:05,604 Um, like, oh, that's what's going on. 429 00:20:05,634 --> 00:20:05,744 Okay. 430 00:20:06,474 --> 00:20:10,104 Well, um, I'm going to click my heels together and head off somewhere Uh, 431 00:20:10,104 --> 00:20:13,674 by that, I just mean that, you know, this is a culture that is not going to 432 00:20:13,674 --> 00:20:15,384 be doing you any favors in parenting. 433 00:20:15,384 --> 00:20:18,744 So I don't mean that we, that we run to the Hills. 434 00:20:18,984 --> 00:20:19,494 We're here. 435 00:20:19,614 --> 00:20:20,514 We got to make the best of it. 436 00:20:20,544 --> 00:20:23,364 We've got to try and transform what we can reasonably transform. 437 00:20:23,904 --> 00:20:26,004 But let's just be alert to the fact that. 438 00:20:26,634 --> 00:20:30,244 And I would say vast swathes of the education system. 439 00:20:30,804 --> 00:20:35,004 Uh, immersed in forms of cultural Marxism, whether they know it or not. 440 00:20:35,094 --> 00:20:40,194 Uh, so you gotta be highly selective and attuned to where your kids are at school. 441 00:20:40,194 --> 00:20:42,444 And that's why it was great to, to be row was a 10 442 00:20:42,744 --> 00:20:44,304 I was real pleasure to be there. 443 00:20:44,904 --> 00:20:47,004 Uh, because I think they get it and they know they get it. 444 00:20:47,754 --> 00:20:50,244 So those are the, the first thing is the surrounding culture. 445 00:20:51,264 --> 00:20:53,844 The second thing is the reality of evil itself. 446 00:20:54,054 --> 00:20:55,974 Um, and then most of my audience are people of faith. 447 00:20:55,974 --> 00:21:00,654 So I think the reality of evil of Satan and his desire, I sort of said to the 448 00:21:00,654 --> 00:21:04,104 audience, we always gotta remind ourselves that the devil is not the equal of God. 449 00:21:04,104 --> 00:21:04,844 They are not rivals. 450 00:21:05,994 --> 00:21:07,164 For a whole bunch of reasons. 451 00:21:07,164 --> 00:21:11,484 If you look at the, you know, If you look in scripture, God didn't 452 00:21:11,484 --> 00:21:12,894 throw the devil out of heaven. 453 00:21:12,894 --> 00:21:13,194 Right. 454 00:21:13,194 --> 00:21:15,844 It was just wasn't even, you Michael did it. 455 00:21:16,374 --> 00:21:20,874 It's like, you know, Satan was an angel that just, you know, I sort of said, 456 00:21:21,234 --> 00:21:24,384 got it handed to him by Michael and thrown out and took a third with him. 457 00:21:24,384 --> 00:21:24,774 So. 458 00:21:25,644 --> 00:21:27,984 You know, Satan doesn't get to win any kind of ultimate battle. 459 00:21:27,984 --> 00:21:29,694 So there's no great big, final. 460 00:21:29,694 --> 00:21:30,044 Well, there is. 461 00:21:30,714 --> 00:21:32,844 Final showdown, but it's not as if God's there. 462 00:21:33,054 --> 00:21:35,004 Some of the Trinity is going, what are we going to do? 463 00:21:35,034 --> 00:21:36,294 Do you think we can pull this off? 464 00:21:36,624 --> 00:21:38,214 It's like, no, it's all done. 465 00:21:38,214 --> 00:21:39,054 It's done and dusted this. 466 00:21:39,474 --> 00:21:40,974 There's no final victory for evil. 467 00:21:40,974 --> 00:21:41,514 It just isn't. 468 00:21:41,544 --> 00:21:48,714 So, um, the only thing that the devil can do is to deprive God of individual souls. 469 00:21:49,464 --> 00:21:50,634 That's that that's the game, right? 470 00:21:50,664 --> 00:21:54,354 It isn't about is Satan running some incredible strategy where he's 471 00:21:54,354 --> 00:21:58,464 going to sneak up on the Trinity and somehow, you know, risk, cosmic power. 472 00:21:58,464 --> 00:21:59,394 That's not going to happen. 473 00:21:59,664 --> 00:22:01,854 What is going to happen is genuine. 474 00:22:01,854 --> 00:22:04,164 Evil is going to target marriage and family. 475 00:22:04,164 --> 00:22:05,784 It's going to target people of faith. 476 00:22:05,814 --> 00:22:07,044 It's going to target parenting. 477 00:22:07,674 --> 00:22:11,214 It's going to target kids, all of it in the simple attempt 478 00:22:11,214 --> 00:22:12,894 to separate souls from God. 479 00:22:12,894 --> 00:22:13,404 That's it. 480 00:22:13,404 --> 00:22:16,254 So I really want us all to be switched on to that truth. 481 00:22:16,284 --> 00:22:18,344 I think in the last, whatever period of time. 482 00:22:18,954 --> 00:22:19,734 You know, we've sort of. 483 00:22:20,544 --> 00:22:23,604 I think we've stopped remembering that, and we need to remember it 484 00:22:23,604 --> 00:22:25,554 again and begin to pray into that. 485 00:22:25,554 --> 00:22:27,654 Begin to be spiritually very aware of it. 486 00:22:27,684 --> 00:22:29,244 Be very much praying for our kids. 487 00:22:30,174 --> 00:22:32,274 Uh, trying to grow spiritually ourselves. 488 00:22:32,304 --> 00:22:34,134 And, uh, so that's the second part. 489 00:22:34,134 --> 00:22:37,844 And look finally, the third thing that stops us from getting what we want. 490 00:22:38,784 --> 00:22:41,364 Is what I talked about in lot more detail, which was our own 491 00:22:41,364 --> 00:22:44,334 woundedness pain and past failures. 492 00:22:44,394 --> 00:22:46,524 And in some ways that was the focus of the evening because. 493 00:22:47,424 --> 00:22:48,534 We forget that. 494 00:22:49,254 --> 00:22:52,254 No matter, even if we were parented almost perfectly, every 495 00:22:52,254 --> 00:22:53,814 single one of us carries wounds. 496 00:22:53,904 --> 00:22:58,254 So again, we've got a spectrum from people who are experienced profound abuse and 497 00:22:58,254 --> 00:23:00,744 trauma and violence and abandonment. 498 00:23:01,344 --> 00:23:05,044 All the way to people who felt they were parented really well, but still carry. 499 00:23:05,784 --> 00:23:11,214 You know, the little scrapes and bumps of human family life and still, 500 00:23:11,244 --> 00:23:12,684 you know, carry some things around. 501 00:23:12,714 --> 00:23:13,224 We all do. 502 00:23:13,224 --> 00:23:13,554 Right. 503 00:23:13,554 --> 00:23:13,914 So. 504 00:23:14,754 --> 00:23:17,874 One of the things we need to be vigilant about as parents is 505 00:23:17,874 --> 00:23:19,644 simply that we carry woundedness. 506 00:23:19,644 --> 00:23:20,244 We carry brokenness. 507 00:23:21,594 --> 00:23:24,844 And what I said next was. 508 00:23:25,944 --> 00:23:27,344 I asked the audience, the question. 509 00:23:28,494 --> 00:23:32,744 What do you think is God's ultimate purpose in cosmic history? 510 00:23:33,564 --> 00:23:37,144 Like, if you look at the great sweep of spiritual history, 511 00:23:37,704 --> 00:23:39,084 What do you think God's doing? 512 00:23:39,564 --> 00:23:42,294 Like what, what what's, what's the macro view? 513 00:23:42,294 --> 00:23:47,144 What's the, the meta-narrative of all spirituality and faith. 514 00:23:47,904 --> 00:23:49,914 And what I believe it to be. 515 00:23:49,914 --> 00:23:53,544 And what a lot of theologians would say is it's all about redemption. 516 00:23:54,144 --> 00:23:54,844 At the whole thing. 517 00:23:55,854 --> 00:23:57,384 Is got offered. 518 00:23:57,384 --> 00:24:01,254 Relationship, relationship was broken and then go, just went to 519 00:24:01,254 --> 00:24:02,784 work, to restore relationship. 520 00:24:02,814 --> 00:24:03,924 So the entire. 521 00:24:04,764 --> 00:24:07,704 Sweep of cosmic history is about healing. 522 00:24:07,884 --> 00:24:12,024 It's about redemption and it's about restoration, That's what 523 00:24:12,024 --> 00:24:13,134 the incarnation is, right? 524 00:24:13,134 --> 00:24:19,014 Like CS Lewis said that the incarnation is a daring raid on enemy held territory. 525 00:24:19,014 --> 00:24:19,884 That's what it's about. 526 00:24:20,424 --> 00:24:20,814 So. 527 00:24:21,894 --> 00:24:23,144 We need to remember that. 528 00:24:23,994 --> 00:24:26,004 All the wounds and the brokenness that we carry. 529 00:24:26,484 --> 00:24:28,284 God is very much interested in healing. 530 00:24:28,554 --> 00:24:28,914 All right. 531 00:24:29,814 --> 00:24:32,514 What we need to do is be aware of our need for healing. 532 00:24:33,504 --> 00:24:34,554 And pursue it. 533 00:24:34,584 --> 00:24:36,984 So there's a whole bunch of ways you might do that. 534 00:24:36,984 --> 00:24:40,194 Some people don't want to do that through counseling and, and possibly 535 00:24:40,194 --> 00:24:41,964 therapy and working through trauma. 536 00:24:42,354 --> 00:24:42,844 Um, 537 00:24:43,434 --> 00:24:46,044 You know, I recommended stuff like the Catholic. 538 00:24:46,374 --> 00:24:48,894 Uh, the Christian prayer ministry of people like Neil 539 00:24:48,894 --> 00:24:51,344 Lazano, who runs the Unbound. 540 00:24:52,314 --> 00:24:53,744 Uh, prey ministry. 541 00:24:54,414 --> 00:24:56,304 Some people, some of us need to get prayed with. 542 00:24:56,304 --> 00:24:58,974 We need to just receive prayer for healing. 543 00:24:58,974 --> 00:25:02,144 And, you know, the Unbound ministry is a very gentle non-invasive. 544 00:25:03,084 --> 00:25:04,284 Beautiful form of prayer. 545 00:25:04,284 --> 00:25:05,544 So I just want to say to everybody listening. 546 00:25:07,044 --> 00:25:12,774 Maybe you haven't explored this, but my point is that if we don't get healing 547 00:25:12,774 --> 00:25:17,004 for the wounds and the trauma and the things that we've lived through in our 548 00:25:17,004 --> 00:25:20,814 own experiences, It is hard, harder. 549 00:25:21,354 --> 00:25:25,844 To parent as effectively as we could, you know, if we're carrying around. 550 00:25:26,934 --> 00:25:27,774 All this sort of stuff. 551 00:25:27,774 --> 00:25:32,604 So whether it's, you know, Rage or addictions or dismissiveness 552 00:25:32,604 --> 00:25:35,934 or sarcasm and these things that come out in our parenting or can. 553 00:25:36,834 --> 00:25:38,214 Then what are the roots of those? 554 00:25:38,214 --> 00:25:41,754 And, you know, you look at the work of people like Dr. 555 00:25:41,784 --> 00:25:44,754 Gabor Martay, like on addiction and trauma. 556 00:25:44,754 --> 00:25:47,934 And we see how many of the pathologies that come out in life. 557 00:25:48,354 --> 00:25:50,004 Uh, coming from pretty deep places within. 558 00:25:50,004 --> 00:25:55,104 So healing comes from the sacraments, from prayer, from prayer ministry, from, 559 00:25:55,404 --> 00:25:59,144 you know, these days I just go and sit in a church for an hour a day and I 560 00:25:59,844 --> 00:26:02,544 Sit there and stare at the tabernacle. 561 00:26:02,544 --> 00:26:07,194 And so what I And just, you know, after all these years I'm still 562 00:26:07,194 --> 00:26:09,044 seeking healing and restoration. 563 00:26:09,924 --> 00:26:13,434 To become a more integrated person to become a healthier wholly, a 564 00:26:13,434 --> 00:26:16,314 person that's that's I'm trying to do, like you have to ask the people 565 00:26:16,314 --> 00:26:18,084 closest to me, see how I'm doing it. 566 00:26:18,114 --> 00:26:19,254 Check the report guard, but. 567 00:26:19,764 --> 00:26:23,344 At least I'm aware that, that I need that, that that's a really important thing. 568 00:26:23,874 --> 00:26:24,114 All right. 569 00:26:24,114 --> 00:26:25,494 We're at the 24 minute mark. 570 00:26:25,494 --> 00:26:26,124 Give or take. 571 00:26:26,124 --> 00:26:27,354 So let's wrap this up. 572 00:26:27,894 --> 00:26:28,494 What have we done? 573 00:26:28,524 --> 00:26:32,244 We've talked about the one big statement, the one big idea, which is that no 574 00:26:32,244 --> 00:26:35,754 one can do your job better than you as a parent and the three questions. 575 00:26:35,874 --> 00:26:36,894 What do you want for your child? 576 00:26:36,894 --> 00:26:37,444 What stops you? 577 00:26:38,124 --> 00:26:40,044 And what can we do to experience it more often? 578 00:26:40,074 --> 00:26:44,574 So let's finish up with, with number three, which is I listed kind of 579 00:26:44,604 --> 00:26:46,584 eight things that we can go through. 580 00:26:46,584 --> 00:26:49,554 So let me spin you through these and wherever you're listening to this. 581 00:26:50,334 --> 00:26:51,894 There should be a link to get the PDF. 582 00:26:51,894 --> 00:26:57,024 So Karen has done a beautiful PDF if you're a more visual person and you can 583 00:26:57,024 --> 00:27:00,294 get all these notes on a PDF, it'll, there'll be a link to click to it. 584 00:27:00,294 --> 00:27:02,964 So make sure you get the hard Alright, number one. 585 00:27:03,504 --> 00:27:08,484 Reframe the trials and difficulties of parenting and family life 586 00:27:08,574 --> 00:27:10,144 as invitations to growth. 587 00:27:10,884 --> 00:27:12,644 Holiness and wholeness. 588 00:27:13,644 --> 00:27:15,044 The things you see as most difficult. 589 00:27:16,134 --> 00:27:18,444 Are often hidden invitations to unexpected growth. 590 00:27:19,284 --> 00:27:21,774 I wonder if in parenting, like we often have some of the same 591 00:27:21,774 --> 00:27:22,854 battles over and over again. 592 00:27:23,214 --> 00:27:25,494 And some of them we need to have and really worth having, but. 593 00:27:26,214 --> 00:27:30,204 Sometimes, you know, having coached a lot of people over the years, 594 00:27:30,204 --> 00:27:33,944 the power of reframing questions can be quite profound, which is. 595 00:27:34,704 --> 00:27:37,314 Instead of just having the same fight over and over again, ask 596 00:27:37,314 --> 00:27:38,844 yourself a better question, which is. 597 00:27:39,534 --> 00:27:40,854 What's going on here. 598 00:27:40,944 --> 00:27:43,884 W what, what, where, where do I, why am I need to change? 599 00:27:43,914 --> 00:27:45,264 Maybe it is your child that needs to change. 600 00:27:45,264 --> 00:27:45,594 Sure. 601 00:27:46,194 --> 00:27:48,324 But maybe we need to be more gentle. 602 00:27:48,324 --> 00:27:49,794 Maybe we need to communicate better. 603 00:27:49,794 --> 00:27:52,734 Maybe we need to learn to listen more fully. 604 00:27:53,364 --> 00:27:56,944 So when the battles are happening and the trials and difficulties are happening. 605 00:27:57,924 --> 00:28:00,234 That can be very debilitating and exhausting over time. 606 00:28:00,234 --> 00:28:00,444 Right. 607 00:28:01,164 --> 00:28:02,304 But begin to think. 608 00:28:02,334 --> 00:28:02,664 Okay. 609 00:28:03,744 --> 00:28:08,214 I remember a nun once famously said, God comes to you disguised as your life. 610 00:28:08,934 --> 00:28:12,054 Like I spent years wanting God to speak to me. 611 00:28:12,054 --> 00:28:12,174 Right. 612 00:28:12,174 --> 00:28:13,224 I'm going, wasn't gonna speak to me. 613 00:28:13,854 --> 00:28:15,024 I want an email from guide. 614 00:28:15,024 --> 00:28:16,014 Just go, Jonathan, do this. 615 00:28:16,014 --> 00:28:16,404 Here it is. 616 00:28:16,554 --> 00:28:17,574 Step 1, 2, 3. 617 00:28:17,724 --> 00:28:18,234 Didn't get it. 618 00:28:18,834 --> 00:28:21,954 And you begin to realize that he's often talking to us through the 619 00:28:21,954 --> 00:28:25,734 circumstances of our lives, through the difficulties and the challenges because 620 00:28:26,034 --> 00:28:30,024 they lead us towards reliance upon God and that they lead us towards change. 621 00:28:30,024 --> 00:28:30,264 So. 622 00:28:31,014 --> 00:28:34,224 If you're facing some difficulties, ask yourself some better questions about them. 623 00:28:34,224 --> 00:28:35,754 Where is the invitation to growth? 624 00:28:35,784 --> 00:28:36,324 Number two. 625 00:28:37,494 --> 00:28:42,324 Reorient your life to this parenting season and live it well. 626 00:28:42,744 --> 00:28:46,254 Your time with your children in these formative years is short. 627 00:28:46,554 --> 00:28:50,154 So commit to it because you'll not be given this time again, it's a 628 00:28:50,154 --> 00:28:52,444 small window and it closes fast. 629 00:28:53,394 --> 00:28:57,054 Audit your life and commitments and ask if you are doing all 630 00:28:57,054 --> 00:28:58,914 that can be reasonably done. 631 00:28:59,844 --> 00:29:00,054 Okay. 632 00:29:00,114 --> 00:29:00,594 Just by that. 633 00:29:00,624 --> 00:29:05,544 I mean, The incredible business and overwhelm of modern life in the big 634 00:29:05,544 --> 00:29:09,234 cities particularly means that we can live kind of like I'll get to it. 635 00:29:09,234 --> 00:29:09,744 I'll get to it. 636 00:29:09,744 --> 00:29:10,194 I'll get to it. 637 00:29:10,194 --> 00:29:13,344 I'll I'll get this time with much heart I'll I'll take them on this camping trip. 638 00:29:13,344 --> 00:29:15,114 I'll get to this, I'll have this conversation. 639 00:29:15,114 --> 00:29:16,044 I'm going to listen to them next 640 00:29:17,184 --> 00:29:21,444 But by reorient our lives, I don't mean in a sort of sycophantic. 641 00:29:21,444 --> 00:29:24,294 We're going to completely rebuild reality and make everything about our kids. 642 00:29:24,294 --> 00:29:24,924 I just mean. 643 00:29:26,124 --> 00:29:26,344 The window. 644 00:29:27,174 --> 00:29:27,844 Is pretty small. 645 00:29:28,704 --> 00:29:30,954 When I, when my kids were really little, they never slept. 646 00:29:30,954 --> 00:29:33,054 And I just thought, man, I can never be harder than this. 647 00:29:33,054 --> 00:29:33,324 Right. 648 00:29:33,324 --> 00:29:34,344 We just didn't sleep for years. 649 00:29:35,334 --> 00:29:40,914 Because they were so close in age and now they're kind of 15, 14, 12, 650 00:29:40,914 --> 00:29:45,144 and it's a whole different set of challenges and experiences and taxi, 651 00:29:45,144 --> 00:29:48,624 driving, and counseling and all these, you know, doing all this stuff. 652 00:29:49,224 --> 00:29:52,614 But I'm still reminding myself that Jonathan really is about kind of 653 00:29:52,734 --> 00:29:54,444 10 years left and that's it like? 654 00:29:54,444 --> 00:29:54,654 Yeah. 655 00:29:54,654 --> 00:29:55,584 You'll still be friends with them. 656 00:29:55,584 --> 00:29:55,794 Yes. 657 00:29:55,824 --> 00:29:57,024 You'll still have relationship. 658 00:29:57,084 --> 00:29:57,444 Yes. 659 00:29:57,744 --> 00:30:02,004 They'll still be things But this really formative window is short. 660 00:30:02,004 --> 00:30:04,524 So let's make sure that we are clear on that. 661 00:30:04,524 --> 00:30:05,944 And then we are giving ourselves. 662 00:30:06,564 --> 00:30:10,344 The best that we can reasonably give to our kids in the windows that we have. 663 00:30:10,374 --> 00:30:10,674 Okay. 664 00:30:10,704 --> 00:30:11,144 Number three. 665 00:30:12,654 --> 00:30:16,284 Invest in your own wellbeing, health, holiness, and growth. 666 00:30:16,314 --> 00:30:18,414 You cannot give what you don't possess. 667 00:30:18,804 --> 00:30:24,714 And you cannot give from an empty well, So by this, I mean, The exercise, the 668 00:30:24,714 --> 00:30:28,824 sleep, the diet, the hobbies, and a know something you just passed out. 669 00:30:28,824 --> 00:30:30,654 I just went, Really? 670 00:30:30,924 --> 00:30:31,494 What does he think? 671 00:30:31,494 --> 00:30:32,454 This is like, you know, 672 00:30:33,084 --> 00:30:34,284 It's just like the sound of music. 673 00:30:34,314 --> 00:30:37,914 This is like we, the Von Trapp family We know the kids are going 674 00:30:37,944 --> 00:30:39,024 to turn up and peanut falls. 675 00:30:39,024 --> 00:30:41,144 And when he's going to lead, I go for picnics. 676 00:30:41,934 --> 00:30:42,354 No. 677 00:30:42,354 --> 00:30:47,544 I just mean that it's okay to take care of yourself because if you are. 678 00:30:48,564 --> 00:30:51,624 Well physiologically as well as you can be. 679 00:30:52,314 --> 00:30:54,144 Then you're much more likely to. 680 00:30:55,104 --> 00:30:56,334 Parent more effectively. 681 00:30:56,334 --> 00:31:00,414 So I do a daily podcast and yesterday I was responding to a listener 682 00:31:00,414 --> 00:31:03,264 question about time management and I talk about the non-negotiables. 683 00:31:03,864 --> 00:31:06,444 So I have, I probably have three non-negotiables every 684 00:31:06,444 --> 00:31:07,444 day, which is exercise. 685 00:31:08,344 --> 00:31:12,094 Um, an hour for prayer and then time with Karen, the kids, you know, 686 00:31:12,424 --> 00:31:13,864 And shout out to Andy Mullins. 687 00:31:13,894 --> 00:31:15,244 He kind of helped me remember too. 688 00:31:15,664 --> 00:31:19,024 Give each of my kids, some one-on-one time per day. 689 00:31:19,624 --> 00:31:23,344 Even if it's 10 minutes, hopefully a bit longer, but I'm making sure that 690 00:31:23,344 --> 00:31:25,144 I'm hitting those non-negotiables so. 691 00:31:26,224 --> 00:31:27,814 The exercise things huge for me. 692 00:31:27,814 --> 00:31:28,774 So I just wanna encourage you. 693 00:31:28,774 --> 00:31:30,744 Like we tell ourselves stories like. 694 00:31:30,934 --> 00:31:31,774 Oh, I could never do that. 695 00:31:31,774 --> 00:31:32,464 I'm too busy. 696 00:31:32,464 --> 00:31:34,844 I can't, I can't, I can't, we don't critique our stories sometimes. 697 00:31:35,944 --> 00:31:38,164 The fact is you probably can get better sleep. 698 00:31:38,194 --> 00:31:39,634 You can probably eat a little better. 699 00:31:39,664 --> 00:31:40,984 You can drink a bit more water. 700 00:31:40,984 --> 00:31:43,354 You can do a little bit more exercise. 701 00:31:43,354 --> 00:31:45,784 You can reconnect to hobbies and things that give you life 702 00:31:45,844 --> 00:31:47,584 because they're not selfish. 703 00:31:47,584 --> 00:31:48,514 They're not indulgent. 704 00:31:48,934 --> 00:31:52,624 They're ways of balanced living than, than allay to love the people 705 00:31:52,624 --> 00:31:53,704 that you care about the most. 706 00:31:53,704 --> 00:31:53,914 All right. 707 00:31:53,944 --> 00:31:55,054 So get back onto that part. 708 00:31:55,054 --> 00:31:55,344 Number four. 709 00:31:56,134 --> 00:32:00,634 Um, if you're married, invest relentlessly in your marriage, it can be really hard. 710 00:32:01,444 --> 00:32:04,844 In the struggle and busy-ness of modern life, but it's incredibly important. 711 00:32:05,854 --> 00:32:09,484 So both on the marriage part and on the, on the wellbeing part. 712 00:32:09,544 --> 00:32:12,344 I remember speaking to people afterwards in this recent live 713 00:32:13,294 --> 00:32:14,844 You may have to be creative. 714 00:32:15,994 --> 00:32:17,194 I was speaking to one great couple. 715 00:32:17,224 --> 00:32:19,834 Who've got five kids under like eight. 716 00:32:20,614 --> 00:32:25,354 And they're just trying to find time, you know, for their own wellbeing, 717 00:32:25,354 --> 00:32:28,044 exercise and stuff, and then each other, and then everything else. 718 00:32:28,594 --> 00:32:31,264 So, what I kept saying to them is you might have to be creative. 719 00:32:31,264 --> 00:32:36,034 You'd be surprised what you can come up with if you think it through, um, 720 00:32:36,094 --> 00:32:38,134 intelligently and sort of carefully. 721 00:32:38,134 --> 00:32:40,144 So I really wanna encourage everybody with that. 722 00:32:40,684 --> 00:32:44,764 That, um, It's just in the busy-ness of parenting and modern life. 723 00:32:44,764 --> 00:32:46,354 The marriage part can just sort of. 724 00:32:47,044 --> 00:32:49,414 I think we can leave as like, oh, well we're married is all good. 725 00:32:49,414 --> 00:32:49,984 We're solid. 726 00:32:50,014 --> 00:32:51,964 We're just going to put that on the shelf and just get through. 727 00:32:52,204 --> 00:32:54,724 It's a bit like being at the beach when you kind of dive and under a big wave 728 00:32:54,724 --> 00:32:57,184 and you're just coming up for the next one and the next one, the next one, 729 00:32:57,214 --> 00:32:57,994 you're like, we'll just get through it. 730 00:32:57,994 --> 00:32:58,684 We'll just get through. 731 00:32:59,194 --> 00:33:01,834 And I encourage you that you we've got to step off the conveyor 732 00:33:01,834 --> 00:33:04,744 belt and put some time into each other and time into the marriage. 733 00:33:05,224 --> 00:33:07,044 So Karen and I like we'll kind of walk. 734 00:33:07,864 --> 00:33:11,824 As often as we can, we can just get some time walking, uh, on a daily 735 00:33:11,824 --> 00:33:13,594 basis and just read is a talk. 736 00:33:13,594 --> 00:33:15,304 It's just talk, talk, talk, talk. 737 00:33:15,304 --> 00:33:15,634 We just. 738 00:33:16,864 --> 00:33:19,864 You know, some admin to go through, but often it's just checking 739 00:33:19,864 --> 00:33:21,394 in what's happening in life. 740 00:33:21,424 --> 00:33:22,264 How are we tracking? 741 00:33:22,894 --> 00:33:26,224 And, uh, and then, then when we can, we, uh, we locked the children 742 00:33:26,224 --> 00:33:28,624 in the house and leave them unsupervised and go away for two days. 743 00:33:28,654 --> 00:33:29,314 No, we don't do that. 744 00:33:29,314 --> 00:33:30,004 So we don't do that. 745 00:33:30,004 --> 00:33:32,284 Nobody called family services and we don't do that. 746 00:33:32,704 --> 00:33:36,064 Uh, but occasionally we'll have like grandparents, someone stay over and 747 00:33:36,064 --> 00:33:39,364 we'll get away and it's just the best it's like you actually got. 748 00:33:39,364 --> 00:33:39,754 Wow. 749 00:33:39,814 --> 00:33:40,344 Who are you again? 750 00:33:40,774 --> 00:33:41,494 It's like, hello. 751 00:33:42,094 --> 00:33:43,714 And, uh, you actually get to reconnect. 752 00:33:43,714 --> 00:33:45,364 So those things are really crucial, right? 753 00:33:45,394 --> 00:33:46,294 So invest in your marriage. 754 00:33:46,324 --> 00:33:51,034 Number five model in life, what you say matters most model in your life. 755 00:33:51,034 --> 00:33:53,824 What you say to your children matters most, the way that 756 00:33:53,824 --> 00:33:54,944 they take on your values. 757 00:33:55,774 --> 00:34:00,424 Is by seeing that, whatever you say, you value, you demonstrate that you value. 758 00:34:00,424 --> 00:34:04,864 So I think for me, I've sort of shown, you know, the kids have grown 759 00:34:04,894 --> 00:34:08,524 up with me doing ultra-marathons and all sorts of craziness that I do. 760 00:34:08,524 --> 00:34:11,224 So they, they see that health and wellbeing is important. 761 00:34:11,734 --> 00:34:16,324 You know, they see that books and music and, um, you know, academic, 762 00:34:16,324 --> 00:34:17,344 intellectual pursuits are important. 763 00:34:18,214 --> 00:34:20,524 And very much faith, you know, they've seen that's, I'm somebody 764 00:34:20,524 --> 00:34:22,894 who takes my faith really seriously. 765 00:34:23,554 --> 00:34:27,964 And, you know, we've raised them to really S to be part of that. 766 00:34:27,964 --> 00:34:31,954 So, You know, I can't say to my kids, Hey, get up and go to church. 767 00:34:31,984 --> 00:34:35,134 If I never do it, if I don't show them that it's just central to my life. 768 00:34:35,164 --> 00:34:37,894 And then, and then they, and they've just taken that on. 769 00:34:37,924 --> 00:34:39,844 So we've got a model, what we say matters. 770 00:34:39,844 --> 00:34:40,024 Right? 771 00:34:40,024 --> 00:34:40,714 We've got to model it. 772 00:34:40,984 --> 00:34:41,644 Number six. 773 00:34:42,304 --> 00:34:45,644 Um, frequently apologize when you make mistakes, right. 774 00:34:45,874 --> 00:34:47,844 I've it's just something that I've always done. 775 00:34:48,364 --> 00:34:49,144 It's like a grace. 776 00:34:49,144 --> 00:34:52,234 I've always, I've really gone off the reservation and got it wrong. 777 00:34:52,594 --> 00:34:54,244 I go and apologize and say, Hey. 778 00:34:54,634 --> 00:34:55,594 You know, I'm sorry. 779 00:34:55,714 --> 00:34:56,854 I do apologize. 780 00:34:56,884 --> 00:35:01,114 And I'm really asked them for forgiveness and, and we move on. 781 00:35:01,114 --> 00:35:04,384 So, you know, we're going to get it wrong, friends, like, yeah. 782 00:35:04,384 --> 00:35:06,634 We're parents and we're trying, and we're the adults, but 783 00:35:06,634 --> 00:35:07,654 we're going to make mistakes. 784 00:35:07,714 --> 00:35:08,674 We're going to be tired. 785 00:35:08,674 --> 00:35:09,424 We're going to be snappy. 786 00:35:09,454 --> 00:35:10,244 We're going to get it wrong. 787 00:35:10,744 --> 00:35:11,524 Just apologize. 788 00:35:11,554 --> 00:35:14,554 Say, Hey, last night when I said that that was out of line, I shouldn't have said it. 789 00:35:14,584 --> 00:35:15,094 I'm sorry. 790 00:35:15,094 --> 00:35:15,634 I'm just tired. 791 00:35:15,664 --> 00:35:16,414 Would you forgive me? 792 00:35:16,834 --> 00:35:19,324 So I think that's just a, another useful thing to do. 793 00:35:19,804 --> 00:35:23,674 And finally I asked Karen, I said, you know, What are the kind of three 794 00:35:23,704 --> 00:35:26,824 things that you think are essential to your role as a mother, as a parent. 795 00:35:26,824 --> 00:35:29,734 And then I shared mine for what it's worth, uh, 796 00:35:30,934 --> 00:35:34,244 You know, for me, my big three were to serve, protect, and teach. 797 00:35:34,924 --> 00:35:38,434 So practically I'm somebody that, and I don't mean this with a shred of arrogance. 798 00:35:38,434 --> 00:35:40,024 I just do a lot for the family. 799 00:35:40,024 --> 00:35:43,444 I just do a lot, whether it's cooking dishes. 800 00:35:44,014 --> 00:35:47,284 You know, working around the house, driving people, I just 801 00:35:47,314 --> 00:35:48,694 serve, I just serve and serve. 802 00:35:48,694 --> 00:35:51,744 And you know, Karen's dad was like that somebody I really admired. 803 00:35:51,874 --> 00:35:54,724 Uh, you know, You know, coming into relationship with Karen, 804 00:35:54,724 --> 00:35:56,134 he just, she just served people. 805 00:35:56,164 --> 00:35:56,494 So. 806 00:35:57,454 --> 00:36:01,324 Um, so whether that's, I just think that's really important. 807 00:36:01,384 --> 00:36:04,384 I think, uh, you know, especially if I could say this to all the men, 808 00:36:04,384 --> 00:36:08,314 like, you know, Yes, we're out there slaying dragons in the workplace, but 809 00:36:08,524 --> 00:36:11,824 to serve in the home, just to serve, just to keep giving of your energy, 810 00:36:12,154 --> 00:36:15,044 into making the lives of your spouse and children a little bit better. 811 00:36:15,544 --> 00:36:18,574 Obviously to protect and that protection can mean, you know, Kaz 812 00:36:18,574 --> 00:36:21,574 and I have been, you know, really involved in the kids' peer groups, 813 00:36:21,574 --> 00:36:26,224 like just helping them to perceive what a good friend looks like and what. 814 00:36:26,644 --> 00:36:30,364 You know, friends who are not so great might be thinking and doing and, and just, 815 00:36:30,394 --> 00:36:33,544 you know, to protect them from some of the stuff until they're fully formed and able 816 00:36:33,574 --> 00:36:35,284 to make the right choices on their own. 817 00:36:35,674 --> 00:36:38,464 And finally for me, it's teaching, like I just talk about everything. 818 00:36:38,464 --> 00:36:40,114 Politics, music, history. 819 00:36:40,654 --> 00:36:42,544 Uh, you know, all these different things. 820 00:36:42,544 --> 00:36:43,144 I just love. 821 00:36:43,444 --> 00:36:46,444 I mean, you know, I think by Def by vocation, I'm a natural, I love 822 00:36:46,474 --> 00:36:48,964 to teach and say, oh, that's been a big thing with the kids for me. 823 00:36:49,654 --> 00:36:53,164 Uh, Karen talked about her three were to provide presence just to be a 824 00:36:53,164 --> 00:36:55,144 constant presence to provide nurture. 825 00:36:55,894 --> 00:36:57,444 Which means to make home a safe place. 826 00:36:58,204 --> 00:37:01,844 And to help guide the kids growing discernment in life. 827 00:37:02,674 --> 00:37:05,044 So she said presence, nurture and guide. 828 00:37:05,494 --> 00:37:08,194 So I offer you those, those things and you'll have your own. 829 00:37:08,194 --> 00:37:10,714 I just want to offer you those as kind of practical things. 830 00:37:11,224 --> 00:37:14,374 Uh, that we can be doing, you know, in the daily grind of life. 831 00:37:14,404 --> 00:37:14,644 All right. 832 00:37:14,674 --> 00:37:15,484 That's kind of it. 833 00:37:15,784 --> 00:37:16,544 Uh, what else? 834 00:37:17,704 --> 00:37:19,744 So there's still no manual. 835 00:37:20,344 --> 00:37:23,734 I've offered you a few things, uh, from here. 836 00:37:25,054 --> 00:37:26,044 Please check in with this. 837 00:37:26,044 --> 00:37:27,544 There'll be links here too. 838 00:37:27,604 --> 00:37:31,244 So I do this daily podcast across YouTube and podcasting. 839 00:37:31,804 --> 00:37:35,164 And there's a lot of stuff that we'll be doing ongoing for parents, or 840 00:37:35,164 --> 00:37:39,544 hopefully somewhere here, I've got a, a link you can check out to, um, 841 00:37:39,754 --> 00:37:41,794 you know, to follow up with this. 842 00:37:41,824 --> 00:37:45,154 So you can just stay in the loop at least get on my daily podcast list. 843 00:37:45,664 --> 00:37:46,894 So you're getting that content. 844 00:37:47,134 --> 00:37:51,094 Uh, for all the women, Karen does a remarkable masterclass. 845 00:37:51,094 --> 00:37:53,554 She runs an online masterclass women around the world. 846 00:37:53,554 --> 00:37:57,304 I think she takes like six women at a time in the masterclass. 847 00:37:57,334 --> 00:37:59,314 So there'll be a link here somewhere for that. 848 00:37:59,314 --> 00:38:02,674 Go check that out It's um, she's amazing. 849 00:38:02,674 --> 00:38:06,184 And she does coaching and obviously, and I take some coaching clients. 850 00:38:06,184 --> 00:38:10,204 So if you Um if anybody wants personal coaching with me or they're around 851 00:38:10,234 --> 00:38:13,564 business or personal excellence that sort of stuff there should be a link here to 852 00:38:13,564 --> 00:38:20,074 my coaching author as well So what else that's kind of it so i just want to bless 853 00:38:20,074 --> 00:38:23,404 you i just want to say i hope some of this is useful to you you're never going 854 00:38:23,404 --> 00:38:29,644 to do anything more important in You're uniquely to be doing this Karen, and i 855 00:38:29,644 --> 00:38:33,124 are going to just press on ahead in the years ahead just trying to put out content 856 00:38:33,124 --> 00:38:37,384 like this to bless you and support Because what you're doing is touching the future 857 00:38:37,384 --> 00:38:42,544 you are shaping generations In literally what you're doing so May god bless you 858 00:38:42,574 --> 00:38:46,324 may god bless your relationships your marriages, your parenting your homes 859 00:38:46,804 --> 00:38:50,794 May you flourish in every area of your life thank you for what you're doing 860 00:38:50,794 --> 00:38:55,084 day in day Go and check out all these links my name's jonathan doyle god bless 861 00:38:55,084 --> 00:38:59,832 you and hopefully i'll see a lot of you on the daily podcast speak soon God