A man who leaks his sexual energy, his gaze is hungry.

He's constantly scanning, looking for novelty.

He's not present.

Women feel it.

Men feel it.

He himself feels that his sexual energy is not contained.

It is scattered outward, leaking into all kinds of places, and

robbing him of his true power.

In a committed relationship, this leads to a lack of safety, a lack of true

connection and intimacy and trust.

But even if a man is single, one might say, is it not just harmless?

There's a big difference between a harmless flirt done in a conscious

way when a man is single or constantly unconsciously gazing, scanning,

looking for novelty, having that hungry gaze and totally losing

presence, and thereby losing power.

Why does this happen?

Why do so many men unconsciously leak their power everywhere they go

and they carry this, the wandering eye into committed relationships?

And how can men stop this leak to become fully sovereign, rooted

in their true masculine power?

Today, I'll break down why the wandering eye has become so normalized,

what it really reveals, how a man can reclaim his energy so women

can truly feel safe with him again, so he feels sovereign and rooted.

And this episode is not only for men.

Women will finally hear words for something they have

felt deeply in their hearts.

Welcome to the Masculine and Feminine Dynamics podcast.

My name is Lorin Krenn and I'm a coach, author and hypnotherapist.

I help you to understand masculine and feminine dynamics at the deepest level.

Let's dive in.

The wondering eye is not just looking.

A present gaze is neutral.

It's not looking for something.

The wondering eye, that leaky energy is a form of taking, a form of scanning.

There is a hunger for novelty and excitement to feed from that validation,

to validate perhaps something through that gaze or to simply be fully unconscious

in that objectification of the woman that a man is scanning and gazing at.

There's a leakage of presence and a leakage of power.

How does this feel to others?

Specifically talking about women?

Women feel unsafe, unseen, and almost unconsciously repelled by this hungry

gaze, at least very conscious women.

Men, even though they might not be consciously aware of it, can

sense that a man who is constantly unconsciously gazing, scanning is not

very rooted and anchored inside himself.

So this is not necessarily something conscious because this

has become so normalized in men, but other men can feel there isn't

a really strong leadership here.

The energy is outward rather than contained inward.

Power is not contained.

Power is leaking.

And the energy, this wondering eye specifically at the extreme, constantly

unconsciously engaging in this, the energy it's sending out is, I'm a boy hunting,

not a king who's rooted in himself.

Let's make this more practical.

A man who leaks energy in this way is not rooted inside himself.

He's led by last rather than presence and meaning.

Rather than value and virtue.

No man led by last truly respects himself.

And if a man does not fully respect and honor himself, he cannot

fully respect and honor others.

His inner lack of integrity is mirrored outward.

Most men don't realize that when they are deeply in unconscious scanning,

gazing and object objectification of women out on the street or wherever

it is, that in these moments thy're deeply led by lust, and that also that

there is a deep disrespect behind that.

Because it is essentially equating a woman to a mere sexual object.

But in that moment, because of a lack of presence and consciousness,

there isn't a necessarily conscious realization behind it.

Yes, there are men who don't give a shit, but that's more in the small percentage.

Most men who engage in this, it's been so conditioned.

It's so ingrained in a man, and they don't have that level of, they don't hold

themselves to that standard of integrity inside themselves, that their lack of

respect towards their own integrity and doing what is right, and being a

man who is contained in his energy and not leaking outwards, this is being

reflected, that there is a sense of deep disrespect and disregard of a woman

and only seeing her as a sexual object.

So let's dive into the core root and reasons.

As to why this wandering eyes here, why there is such a leakage

in power and sexual energy.

And also then afterwards, the step-by-step solution for men to break

free from it and for women to hear the journey men need to go through

in order to free themselves of this.

Number one is a normalization and unhealthy masculine role models.

So let me give you an example from my personal life.

I've talked about this several times already.

My father died very early in my life, my role model diet.

So I was desperately as a teenager looking for male role models.

But what of course so often happens is that you find the wrong male role

models because there aren't many men who embody the awakened or healthy

masculine energy that I'm talking about.

More and more now.

But as I was growing up and lost my father, the role models I had were all

men who had a deeply unhealthy and wounded relationship with the feminine, and who

all also had a father wound themselves.

Could even say that my kind of inner wounding felt connected

unconsciously to their inner wounding.

That's most likely why I was drawn to these people.

And of course, as it works, the deep sense of belonging, it's so primal.

I wanted to belong, I wanted to be part of the tribe, I wanted to be seen and

validated by these role models and what I learned is chase women and the kind

of gaze and then, these men saying look at how hot her arse is or, or, or saying

things, strange things such as, um, four o'clock, which was a kind of signal of

looking where the number four is, there was a hot girl, quote unquote, and, uh.

Saying Nice tits or whatever, or, or making sounds after they see

a beautiful woman, physically, beautiful woman on the street.

Acts that were, of course, there's a deep disrespect in that it wasn't necessarily

that they had a hatred towards women.

It was that they objectified women and disrespected women in that way because

they themselves didn't know and have never been modeled by another man, what

it means to live with deep integrity and to treat the feminine in the right way.

But this is how I grew up.

This is what I saw day in and day out, and this is what happens for so many men.

This behavior becomes normalized.

Everyone else is doing it.

Young boys wanting to belong.

So there are a lot of elements that play into this.

I'm not downplaying this, I'm not excusing men, but I'm telling you the honest truth

that this is not just about men decide to be our arseholes, disrespect women,

objectify women, and don't give a shit.

This might be the truth for some men in this world, but

is not the truth for most men.

Most men would've experienced something what I experienced along the lines of

that, this has been deeply normalized.

And it never sat right with me.

It never felt good to see that behavior.

But I overrided my intuition for belonging, at least for a while on

my path, because I felt abandoned by the death of my father, I felt lost.

I didn't know what it meant to be a man.

So my desire to belong to be accepted was more important than trusting my deeper

intuition and deeper sense as a teenager.

But then what happened is eventually it felt so empty and so off to me that I

realized I could no longer live that life of trying to fit into a system that I

see as deeply wounded and not right, and not in integrity in my soul and heart.

The normalization heights, the problem.

The constant porn use, the scanning for validation, the hungry gaze,

the objectification of women, the constant chasing of novelty.

It becomes so normalized that it's not seen as a problem, as an issue, as a

leaking of energy, as a leaking of power.

It's almost equated to manhood and being a man itself.

Well, this is just how it works.

So, again, I'm not excusing men, but you've gotta put yourself in the shoes of

men who are young boys, a father absent diet, or emotionally, physically absent,

not at all in his power, not modeling what it means to be a man, a healthy

masculine man, and the desire to belong, the desire to be validated for first time

in their life, because in that is a desire to be loved, to be accepted, to be seen.

So there are a lot of elements that play into this normalization.

Imagine a young boy doesn't have the resources and, and level of

awareness and consciousness to, in these moments, reject it and say,

no, this is not how I want to live.

This is out of integrity.

I choose to live like this and, and to spend time in deep solitude.

This is what I eventually did after few years of experiencing this environment

and trying to fit into it, even though I felt more and more lost and

more and more empty inside myself.

But that wasn't an easy path.

Being in solitude, in nature, reclaiming integrity, I felt deeply, deeply alone.

At the same time, my soul and heart just told me better to be alone and

live in truth and integrity than to be surrounded by dysfunction and wounding

and, uh, living out of integrity.

But that's not an easy journey.

That's not an easy thing we ask of men to just override their deep need

for belonging, heal their abandonment wound than to say, I'd rather be

alone in solitude than to be accepted.

And living without integrity and out of alignment with my truth.

Gladly, things are changing now gladly because of the work I'm doing, because

of the work other men are doing.

Men's groups are emerging more and more.

It's so beautiful to see this work unfolding so rapidly and so powerfully.

At least it feels rapidly and powerfully to me because I'm in this bubble

of men's work, but if you look at it at a collective level, it's not

necessarily unfolding rapidly and exponentially, unbelievably fast, but

still there's a huge shift going on.

When I was going through this, I had no fucking clue of men's groups

and, and ideas of what it means to be a man and conscious masculinity.

Which leads us into root cause or reason number two, which

is an unintegrated shadow.

I often call this eroticized wounds.

An eroticized wound is when we bypass the safety of our heart for pleasure.

No one really knows.

There isn't a real scientific evidence for this because it's really tricky and

no one understands really how this works with arousal and attraction, et cetera,

to a degree, but not entirely, of course.

But one theory which I really like is that for the brain, it's easier to

sexualize things than to feel the rawness of the trauma and pain we experience.

So when we feel abandoned as children, young boys feel abandoned or young

girls feel abandoned, wounds can become sexualized, and apparently also by some

theories, kind of the place where we store trauma, or at least the memory,

trauma stored in the whole body, but the memory of trauma in the brain is near

the part that is responsible for arousal.

So this is a theory at the end of the day, we don't know exactly, so don't take me

literally here, but I believe that that might actually be a part truth or get

very close to it, that these things become confused because people being attracted

to this kind of dark sexual energy, flirtation and, and all these things,

leaking energy and bypassing what is right and integrity and safety for last.

I believe there might be a huge, there is a huge element of trauma

and wounding here, which leads to an unintegrated shadow, specifically

an unintegrated sexual shadow.

The chase, the conquering, the admiration from women, it feeds that sexual shadow,

which has been unconsciously fed for so many years, the constant scanning,

gazing, overuse of porn, being overly exposed to sexual images, objectifying

women constantly, a hypersexualized brain feeding a sexual shadow.

Attraction born from shadow is a high, not a sole truth.

It's a high from a drug and it's a high so many men are constantly looking for,

but it's a high that only like any drug, the more you experience of it, the more

empty you feel afterwards and the more you seek it, it becomes this endless

cycle until you truly choose to heal it and break free from it at the root.

Most men don't even know that for most of their life, they've been unconsciously

feeding almost like a monster, a sexual shadow inside themselves.

The constant engagement in these things, the constant hyper sexualizing,

absolutely everything around them.

And this also being normalized because everyone else, or almost everyone

else is doing it, so it's not even seen as something that needs to be

worked through, healed or integrated.

And then the third root or core reason really is the absence of

devotion, the absence of devotion and purpose or mission dedicated

to something higher than ourselves.

Because without a deeper purpose, without a deeper vision of who a man wants

to be, what he wants to create, the values and virtues he wants to embody,

the legacy he wants to leave the world with, last can very easily hijack a man.

Viktor Frankl, the concentration camp survivor, I believe, born in the same

town where I was in the same city where I was born Vienna, from Austria.

Incredible story.

It's the famous book, A Man's Search for Meaning, incredible read.

But he speaks about in the absence of purpose, kind of last

anti distraction takes over.

So sexual energy is not something that can be stopped.

It's like trying to put a lid over an overflowing river, like putting a

towel over a river that is so powerful, or trying to stop a waterfall with a

little towel or two towels or whatever.

You get the gist of the, of what I'm saying here.

It just doesn't work.

The water is too powerful.

This life force energy, which is sexual energy, it's too powerful, it flows.

If you stop the flow, you suppress it.

This leads to all kinds of other problems.

What you suppress gets pushed into the shadow.

It is not integrated.

It is not owned.

So what we need to do rather is to harness and contain sexual energy.

And the most powerful way to do this is to devote ourselves to something higher.

Because if a man is led by last, it ultimately means he hasn't yet

found a purpose and devotion to something higher than himself.

His primal instincts are leading.

Something else needs to lead.

And it doesn't matter whether you call that God, universe, spirit, shiva, the

divine mass, divine masculine, Allah, it does not matter what you call it.

You can call it virtue like the stoics, or it doesn't matter.

You can make this practical or the most spiritual name in the world, it's all

one and the same at the end of the day.

It's about that higher ideal, that higher value, that higher vision.

Because when you have that, everything else in your life, orients orients itself

towards that, sexual energy including.

Sexual energy, is pure power.

Sexual energies makes you vibrant, alive, vital.

Without it, you'd feel much less alive and vibrant and have much less

fire and energy, but it needs to be channeled into something higher.

Don't confuse this with transmutation.

You need to like a perfect saint, a saint is an illusion.

Krishna Morty said this amazing quote.

The progression from sinner to saint is just another illusion.

So if you go, oh, I transmute all this sexual energy, only in love and light and

purity and innocence, that's all bullshit.

That's all creating another shadow, kind of spiritual monk and enlightened

persona, which is not true.

There is that animalistic sexual side of us, strong sexual fantasies and desires.

We're not suppressing them.

Instead, we want to go into full ownership and dedicate ourselves to

something higher than ourselves, a higher idea, higher vision, higher mission.

It's a powerful quote.

When you live without devotion, without purpose, your energy is for sale for the

highest bidder, which usually is last.

So just before we go into the solution, the step by step steps you can take

very briefly, let's co talk about the cost of leaking sexual energy.

Women lose respect, feel unsafe, disconnect sexually, women feel

that lack of presence, the constant scanning, looking for novelty,

there is no sovereignty, there is no sense of inner rootedness.

All there really is is that the hungry gaze of the boy.

Men themselves, even if they might be disconnected from that, they

feel depleted, often ashamed, disassociated, and out of integrity.

And life itself loses vitality as expressed before because sexual

energy is life energy, it's hurting everyone, and the one it destroys

the most is the man himself.

It's not about stopping this for a woman, it's about stopping it for himself first.

So what is the solution?

How can a man contain and reclaim his power?

It starts with step one, which is awareness.

Holding yourself to a higher standard.

It will happen again if it's conditioned into you, but catch

yourself every time your energy leaks.

Looking is not the issue.

Unless you are looking for something, you are looking at something,

you are trying to scan you're objectifying, that's different.

But naturally it's not about looking on the ground and trying to be some kind of,

I never look and restricting yourself.

In your views, specifically if you're in a city or in your place with a lot

of people, there will be other women.

I mean, it's impossible not to see other women walking past you,

walking in front of you or whatever.

It's impossible.

The key is looking with presence and not becoming unconscious in these moments, and

allowing that kind of unconscious gazing and hungry, that hungry look to take over.

That leak, that subtle leak, which is not so subtle if you really look into

it or feel into it a deeper level.

So if you notice that scanning for novelty, pause for a moment and the way

to do this, step number two is pattern interrupt, which is one powerful breath.

And you want to direct that breath into your cock and

balls, into your lower belly.

So really breathing deeply through your nostrils.

It's not about 10 hours of breath work.

One powerful breath in the moment interrupts the pattern and is often

much more powerful than the most powerful breath work session in

a moment where you feel aligned.

Not that there's anything wrong with it, but it's about when it is used.

And here you want to interrupt.

Interrupt the pattern.

So one powerful breath.

Each time you catch yourself with your awareness and you

take one powerful breath.

And as you do that, you are able to snap yourself out of that energy.

And then what do you do?

You don't look, you consciously disengage.

You don't look again, you don't check again.

Instead, you bring your energy inward.

You don't allow it to go outward.

And what you're doing here is you are containing your sexual energy, and as you

do this, you become more magnetic, you feel more powerful, and you become million

times more attractive to the feminine, especially the awakened feminine.

Your energy transforms because this is true self-mastery and

masculine embodiment, from last and primal instincts to sovereignty.

Step number three: or step number two, if you will, because the breath

is part of step number one of their awareness Is containment practices.

And what this essentially means is you don't wanna get rid of a habit because

otherwise you rely on will strength.

So if you constantly watch porn, for instance, uh, many times during the week

or whatever it is for you, and then you say, I'm gonna stop right now, and then

maybe on a good week you stop, or maybe a good month or even longer perhaps, but

then something really painful happens and you fall right back into it and

feel even more ashamed, this is because that constant, wherever the energy

leaks is often a form of self-soothing.

It's a form of escaping painful emotions.

It's a form of avoiding deeper pain, specifically for female validation or

that sexual novelty, that is a very, very powerful drug in that sense, that

can give you a momentarily high and distract you from deeper pain and things

that need to be shifted in your life.

So what you do is you want to replace habits, otherwise you rely

on will strength and will strength, it's not about this kind of idea

or you just gotta be stronger, no.

Everyone has weak moments.

You don't wanna make space for that because then you will feel even

more ashamed, oh, I can't do it.

I'm so bad.

It just leads further into the shame spiral.

Replace means every time you want to watch porn, don't go and take

a cold shower and do 20 pushups.

This is a very rigid overly stoic approach.

This doesn't make sexual energy flow in the right way.

Instead, it's more kind of a suppression of it.

What you can do is go into a self-pleasure practice without stimulant and

visualization, and instead, focus on your body, focus on your breath, and for

instance, practice semen retention, if that is a practice you want to take on.

But if you do so, it's an topic for another podcast, if you do

so, practice it in the right way.

Don't just do whatever and go against your intuition.

Always listen to your body.

These things are powerful and they need to be done in the right way.

But a self-pleasure retool that is focused on connecting with the body, opening the

sacral chakra, allowing the energy to flow into your heart rather than leaking

outward and feeding your sexual shadow.

The difference is consciousness and presence rather than the absence of

consciousness and presence and heart.

So find all these ways and try to replace them with something

that empowers you, makes you more conscious, and makes you more present.

If afterwards you feel more in your power, then it's usually a good

sign that you are on the right path.

Step number three, own your sexual desires fully.

We talked about this in the previous episode.

You have to be able to own your sexual desires and be able to express them to

your woman, to your wife, to your partner.

Because if you're not able to own and express this energy in your relationship,

then by nature it will be suppressed, and that suppression will lead,

lead you to leak it in other places.

Many men are not aware, but they feel deep shame around this.

They're not able to channel this into their relationship, their

committed relationship, and then it leaks into all kinds of places.

Make sure you don't have to look in other places, but instead bring them

to your century in a conscious way.

Own them so they don't own you.

Express them consciously with your beloved or future beloved, rather

than leaking them everywhere.

This allows for sexual energy to flow freely because that's what sexual

energy wants, or that's the most conscious way of relating to it that

actually works in the long term.

And the final step.

to live with deeper meaning, purpose, and devotion.

And the way to do this is to ask yourself some very powerful questions.

What am I devoted to?

What is my highest vision as a man?

What legacy do I want to leave the world with?

Who do I want to be remembered for?

Who do I choose to become and what standard do I hold myself

to when no one is watching?

And if that's a standard of integrity, containment, power, wow.

Then you are on the highest path of self-mastery.

Journal on this.

Write them down.

Feel in to this take time, time spent on this is the best

way you can spend your time.

The most rewarding way.

It's the hard path, but it's the only path.

These questions, the answer to these questions and be ruthlessly honest

with yourself, they reveal so much about the work that needs to be

done and the next steps to take.

Sexual energy is not to be suppressed.

It is to be contained, owned and directed, consciously devoted to something higher

or oriented, to something higher.

When you stop leaking it everywhere, you become magnetic

because you no longer chase, you start to radiate power as a man.

The wondering eye is only a symptom.

The cure is more consciousness and presence and holding ourselves

to a higher standard of living in truth and integrity with ourselves.

When you embody this as a man, a woman who is conscious

specifically feels so safe with you.

It awakens and cultivates desire and attraction and polarity

at the absolute highest level.

And life itself will respond to your energy in magnificent

and unimaginable ways.

Honoring you because you honor yourself

If this episode served you deeply, you can leave a five star review.

By subscribing to the show, by sharing it with one person who might benefit

from this or on your social media all of this makes a huge difference.

You can check the show notes for other free offerings.

The one I always mention is my free newsletter, value packed

email that I send out every Friday, lorinkrenn.com/newsletter.

You can subscribe for free to my exclusive email list there.

And I've got other really powerful trainings, lorinkrenn.com/trainings,

upcoming for men, women, couples, singles.

Thank you so much for being here.

It is a true honor to be of service to your journey.