Hello, hello and welcome to the Borealis

experience. I'm your host Aurora, life coach and companion

on this beautiful journey called life. If you feel like you need

support and handling stress if you want to be more resilient to

stress, if you want to feel more focused and organized,

productive, be it at your workplace as an entrepreneur or

employed person, be it as a mother, a father, a family

member, if you want to increase your attractiveness, and better

your relationships with the people around you, but maybe

especially the romantic relationships, don't hesitate to

reach out to me. And I will show you what I can offer as a coach

on how to support your growth and healing and expansion

journey. Today, I want to call this episode anger management. I

recorded an episode about anger quite some time ago, and I feel

we don't talk about this emotion enough. It is. It is an emotion

that is just anchored into our system. It is part of the human

experience. And I feel if we know this, if we can't escape

frustration and anger, then we can also ask ourselves, okay,

well, how can we handle anger and frustration more gracefully,

more in alignment with our true nature, how can we use that

energy, so to say, to create something new, to maybe not

destroy, but to build. And now you can say, while Aurora anger

is always negative, anger is always counter productive when

it comes to building relationships and being close to

one another. But I see it differently. I learned that if I

managed to express my anger in a way, that my counterpart, the

person standing in front of me, wants to listen to them, then

that huge buildup of anger and resentment inside of me

dissolves. Because I give the person the possibility to

understand me and then they come back to me or react, respond in

a way that makes me calm down right away. I can only talk

about my experience. And I have a couple of clients who talk

about their experience. I'm not going to name my clients here,

but I'm okay to share a couple stories. So one as a child, a

teenager, and he's a good student, he loves to go to

school. But he gets bullies at times he gets bullied and yeah,

is being treated unfair. This little boy comes home and then

lashes out at his siblings takes it out on the Pats and at the

mother. And it's a tricky situation because you don't

really know what's happening in this youngsters, Brain and Mind.

So we don't really know what's happening at the source, because

he's not really opening up about it. But what I explored with the

mom is that once we show that we are willing to listen, once we

express that, hey, you are being very angry right now you're

being very frustrated. I want to help you I want to listen to

you. I want to understand you. But I need you to come down for

me It changes the whole situation, it helps me to

channel my anger out. And this mother will try this with her

teenage boy here soon.

So, I know for myself that once a person is willing to listen,

once a person shows interest in hearing me out, my anger

dissolves right away, there can be an apology involved, they can

be just a genuine, hey, I misunderstood you involved, or

there can be, hey, I feel we are on different pages. So I'm

curious to know, if you are on the receiving end of anger, or

if you are the angry person in your relationships, and how you

deal with that strong emotion, it is not possible to suppress

it, you can suppress it for some time. But it will find its way

out at some point. And you might be treating people unfairly,

that don't deserve to be treated with with your frustration and

anger, right, it might have just been bottled up inside of you,

and then you let it all out. And it's usually the wrong person

you let it all out on. So if you are, let's call it the angry

person, I want you to explore next time you feel triggered

next time you feel the anger coming up, that you have a

sentence ready in order to stop this process to worsen. And what

I mean by that is a simple sentence. If another person is

involved, like, Hey, I feel you do not understand me. Let me put

it in different words. I feel attacked. Is it your intention

that you want to attack me? And if yes, why? If no, please, can

you rephrase your sentence. So to have a sentence ready, and

then also give the other person the benefit of the doubt. So to

not make assumptions that everybody is after you to upset

you and to make you angry? But to ask this is how I feel right

now? Is this your intention? And if it is not, can we talk about

it, but because it really makes me feel uncomfortable? I feel

frustrated when you behave this way? Can you explain to me why

you behave this way? And can we explore why it frustrates me and

can we leave it behind at some point. So you see, we have this

this thoughts and feelings around anger that it's a bad

thing. And we shouldn't get angry, we'll always have to be

nice. We have to be friendly. And we have to be kind to

everybody who even piss us off. But that is not the truth.

That's not how you can live because this is not authentic,

loving, authentic loving, is when you are able to communicate

how you feel without the other person wanting to run away from

you or shut down. And this usually happens when you become

aggressive when you become loud. When you get in yeah and unfair

game behavior that people simply don't want to engage in. And it

is your trigger. It is inside of us that this energy arises and

you just got to own it, and express how you feel and it will

work wonders. Now if you are on the receiving end of anger if

you live with a person who's angry on a regular basis, of

course, if it's too intense if you're scared for your life, if

you feel threatened, physically, emotionally, mentally, you guys

have to seek out counseling, see a psychologist and really

address it at the root cause. But if it's just that you notice

that your husband or your child or your wife comes home in a

certain mood and then feels like they have to lash out on you.

They have to you know dump it all on you then Feel free to

express Hey, when you are

that upset when you feel triggered by me and I'm not even

doing anything, you're just bringing the stress that you

accumulated at work home. I'm having a hard time to stay open

and interested and close to you, I just want to run away. Here's

the thing though. I want to listen to you, I want to

understand you, I want to support you. And I feel if you

say that you help the person so anomalously to drop from anger

right into empowerment, but also vulnerability. You put the ball

back into their court. At the same time, he says you're ready

to listen, you're ready to receive but you clearly

communicate how you want to be communicated with and that will

earn you so much respect. Try it out. Share with me. share with

me what your experiences with anger, be it you being angry or

other people by being upset with you or life. And I'm curious to

hear about your story. Your relation with Edgar. Thank you

so much for being here. And so grateful for every listener who

joined welcome here. Always feel free to shoot me a message on

Aurora Eggert coaching or simply Aurora Eggert on Facebook and if

you have any requests when it comes to podcast episodes, don't

hesitate. And if you feel that you're ready for an upgrade of

your life. Send me a message regarding coaching. I'll leave

you on that and wish you a wonderful rest of your day. Bye