I'm excited to have my conversation today with Ash Ruddy because she is bringing so much heart.

She has such a beautiful and hard story she's walked through.

But of course, there is a triumphant ending or I should say continued story that she's going to share with us today.

And it's coming from a recent book she's just released called 24 Plus One, A Mother Story of Faith, Love and Miracles.

We're going to talk about deeping our faith.

We're going to talk about going from Christian to being a Christ follower.

We're going to talk about what it is like to be a.

To be a mom, going through all sorts of things with our families.

We're going to talk about listening to our intuition, listening to that little voice that sometimes is God speaking to us.

And so I know that this conversation is going to lift you up, whether you're a parent with young kids, a parent with older kids, or you just are going through something, maybe with your, your parents or anyone else, because we're all going to walk through hard seasons, trying seasons, but when we have our eyes set on the right things, it just makes it easier and we're able to get through it.

So I can't wait to have this conversation.

Welcome to Faith Fueled Living, the podcast that equips you to live well spiritually, emotionally, physically and purposefully.

Each week, we'll dive into conversations and biblical truths to help you strengthen your faith, pursue meaningful work, care for your whole self, and live in line with what matters most.

Before we jump into today's episode, I want to invite you into my community by getting my Faith Friday emails.

You can head over to KristenFitch.com and I have a brand new workbook that you can grab called Joy Rising.

It is a daily worksheet that lets you write down what you're grateful for.

It lets you write down how God.

Moved in your life today, how he.

Was present, and then what were the little things in your life that brought you joy.

So it is a great way to keep us focused on our faith, focused on deepening our relationship with Christ.

So go over to KristenFitch.com, head over to my workbook page.

You'll get that free workbook and then you'll be able to get my Faith Friday emails.

Hi, I'd like to welcome our guest today, Ash Ruddy.

She's an author, speaker, former Miss Vermont, and mother whose faith was tested and triumphant in the face of unimaginable odds.

So, Ash, welcome to the show.

Kristen, thank you so much.

For having me.

Yeah.

Okay, so why don't you just tell us a little bit?

I mean, I know there's a lot to your story, but just tell us a little bit about your background and then what life's like now, and then we'll kind of dive into some, you know, some of the details.

So I'm, I'm from Vermont originally and ended up a few decades later falling in love and living in London and set up my marriage and family home here in the uk.

I was a former Miss Vermont.

I competed in Miss America.

So it was quite a whirlwind and quite a surprise that I ended up abroad.

But that was, that was the plan God had for me.

And in 2018.

And we'll get into this, but when we started our family, we had very extreme experience of bringing our first child into the world.

Absolutely.

So, yes, thanks for sharing that.

So, yeah.

So the beginning of your journey, as far as the book goes, is talking about being pregnant and so excited and expectant.

Right.

For your son.

But you still had expected to have much longer time.

Right.

In your pregnancy, and you found yourself realizing you needed to get checked out, you know, and found.

And so do you want to just tell us a little bit about that background?

Because that's kind of the crux of what life.

What's kind of gone on in your life.

Right.

Is having kids.

And we'll get into that.

But is this particular story how much it's changed you in every way?

It's very interesting, Kristen, even as you're saying that, I'm just kind of reminded of how set my life sort of was.

You know, it was career.

It was education focused, then career focused, then marriage focused.

It was the.

The plan.

The plan, yeah.

Having babies.

My first pregnancy was.

Was textbook perfect.

There was nothing wrong with it.

Every checkup was healthy.

I had pelvic pain, but it was nothing to worry about with the baby.

I, Yeah, I had these visions of the pale, beautiful nursery and bringing this perfect baby home and starting this kind of, I guess, romanticized life of what new motherhood would look like.

And late into my 23rd week of pregnancy, I actually went into spontaneous labor.

There was no, and there still is really no reason for it.

I had none of the precursors for having a premature child.

I was fit and healthy.

I didn't drink in pregnancy.

I was taking care of myself.

And so it was quite a shock.

We were, we were meant to be flying to Vermont the next week for Christmas.

I was just imagining being pregnant at home in Vermont at the Holidays one day and the next day I was on a high dependency labor ward with about 20 people in the room.

Yeah.

Wow.

Yeah.

And so, you know, as you kind of go on to explain it, you.

Was it two days later?

I forget how many days it was until basically they said, there's not much we can do.

You're going to deliver your child.

Right.

Even though it's risky.

But they really couldn't do anything else to stop it or to stop it from happening.

Right.

Originally, I think they thought it might just be.

It might just calm down, but that's not what happened.

Yeah, they.

For the first, it was probably 24 hours.

It was this like, is she.

Is she not.

Is this really labor?

Is this going to settle down?

We were in.

In a real sort of gray zone.

And then I remember very acutely, the consultant, which is like a senior doctor in the uk, sat down at the foot of my bed and said, has anyone discussed the risks of having a child this early in pregnancy with you?

And I said, well, no.

Someone said that someone from neonatal care would, but only if they thought we were really in labor.

And she said, I think we need to have them come speak to you.

And I just.

I had so many moments of clarity, and I know God was just saying, sending me strength and a calm, a real peace in the midst of this chaos.

And I remember just looking her right in the eyes and saying, Dr. Doss, do you think I'm going to deliver this baby in the next 48 hours?

And when she said yes, this.

This real fear just kind of wailed out of me.

I just remember, like, hollering.

It was very animalistic.

Yeah.

And it was like a release.

And then from that moment on, I just felt like I knew what I needed to do, which was to turn to God.

And I knew I needed to bring this baby into the world.

And I knew he was going to survive.

And that was all I then let myself think about.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And so from there, you spend the next about six months mostly in the hospital.

The first was it two months, and then you're in and out, I guess, after that.

And so what would you just share with, like, that whole experience?

It's a lot.

I know, and we can dive in as much as you want, but, you know, but there was.

But basically six months of your life was spent at the hospital quite often, quite most of that time.

So the first we were in neonatal care for 89 days, so we were three months in, mostly NICU, but then we stepped down to High dependency and special care.

As we got closer to home then.

And I'll.

I'll share a little bit about that experience, but I'll give you the kind of arc of it.

We got him home at what would have been.

So he was born at 24 plus 1, 24 weeks and 1 day of gestation.

We got him home at about what would have been the equivalent of about 34, 35 weeks of gestation.

He was home with us for five weeks, and then he caught RSV and was readmitted that time to PICU pediatric intensive care.

And we were in pediatric intensive care for five weeks.

So from December until June, we were mostly in hospital and in intensive care units and both in neonatal intensive care and pediatric intensive care.

In each of those scenarios, we had a near fatal episode.

And in both of them, in both of those episodes, we were told, there's nothing more we can do for Michael.

And in the second episode in pediatric intensive Care, they actually told us that his life was.

Was finished.

I have a couple things, you know, that we can talk about with that, but yeah, I remember just reading in your book and, you know, you're just saying, like, you could just kind of see his spirit not fully present anymore, right.

When he was at those lowest couple days, right, with the illness and his body was just struggling to fight.

But that, you know, obviously through.

Through what they were trying, right, the last, last ditch effort and then through prayer.

Right.

I'm sure he started to recover from being really sick as a premature baby.

It had gotten so bad, Kristin.

It wasn't like.

It wasn't even like the first time where they said, there's nothing more medically we can do for him.

This was an episode where he was having near complete renal failure.

And in that instance, you know, they sat us down and they said, there is nothing more we can do for Michael.

It's now totally up to him and we'll see in the next 12 hours if his kidneys can function.

And he pulled through that.

But the time in PICU when we were told, there's nothing more we can do for Michael, it was a very different conversation.

That conversation was, it's all over.

Yeah.

And I knew it was all over because the night before that conversation, as you're picking up on, I had.

I had walked in, I had felt something in me that knew something was wrong.

I didn't know what was wrong.

I had left the hospital to get something to eat.

And I just.

It must have been God speaking to me.

I just felt this conviction That I had to get back to him.

And I had to get back to him immediately.

And I ran across Paddington in London to get back to him.

And when I, When I walk toward his cot, I looked over at his body and I instantly knew that he was gone.

And I think other parents who have had the very unfortunate scenario of seeing their child without life in their body will.

Will resonate and know that that is a.

An incredibly real experience.

It's hard to describe, but you know, when the spirit is not there and he was not there, and I told the doctors and they said, no, he's still alive.

And I like, no.

And then the next morning they came to us to say, I'm really sorry, but it's.

It's all over.

Yeah.

And yet it was not.

It was close.

Right.

Or, you know what I'm saying.

He medically was still alive, but very.

Not very much.

Right.

But like, to your point, you could see that he wasn't fully present, but he, he was able to fight that and still come back.

Well, it's one day.

One day when I meet our maker, I'll.

I'll understand the full picture.

Yeah.

What I know is that his spirit was totally not there and that his body was being kept alive by machines.

And then very oddly, and I can share the experience of surrender that I got to.

To get to this place, but his, his spirit didn't then just all, all of the sudden come back.

It actually came back very slowly.

It was gone for about a day, maybe a day and a half.

And then when it came back, it came back very slowly.

Like one day I was like, ooh, I feel a bit more of his spirit here.

The next day more.

And after a few days, I was like, he's back and nothing is going to kill him.

Yeah.

Yeah, amazing.

I mean, I know it was heart wrenching, but amazing, you know, And I know you, you know, he's like you, I think you call him, you know, he, he.

It was a miracle, many miracles, you know, along the way, you know, and so I think that's one of the most important topics or themes of your book, which I know that is to you too, but it's that you always, you grew up with faith, I mean, as a Christian, but something changed in you when you were in the hospital going through the birth of your son, in the trials and the tribulations of his medical journey.

And so what would you just share with us about that?

Because I think it's so powerful.

What I've come to realize is that I was calling myself a Christian, Quote, unquote Christian.

I grew up going to church.

I sang in the children's choir.

I taught Sunday school.

When I was in high school, I studied religious studies at college.

I, even as a child, I felt deeply spiritual, like when I could, when I was old enough to stay in the sanctuary at church.

Even when I didn't understand what was being said, I often felt really emotional and really powerful.

And I could feel what I now know was the Holy Spirit working in me.

But I didn't have a real context for it all.

I hadn't really worked it all out.

And in my young adult life, I enjoyed going to church.

My husband called me a cherry pick Christian because there were pieces of it I believed there were pieces of it I thought were metaphor.

Anytime I disagreed with the doctrine, I was like, I'll just ignore that and I'm going to keep singing these beautiful hymns.

And what I, what I didn't know was that I could have a personal relationship with Jesus.

Yeah, I thought he was just the great exemplar.

He was just this great prophet savior to come and help give us a framework to how to live a good life.

I was, I didn't know him and I was not walking with him.

And what happened when my son was born is, I feel still to this day undeserving of the way God revealed himself to me time and time and time again is in ways that I now have begun to understand.

But at the time, I had no idea.

I mean, I was hearing the audible voice of God.

I was seeing visions.

I was having convictions and knowings put on my heart that I didn't understand where they were coming from.

I just knew.

I knew they were coming from God and I knew they were good.

But you have to remember I was not a professional Christian.

You know, I did not grow up learning every miracle Jesus performed and knowing the Book of Acts front to back to know that, you know, the disciples were having visions and they were seeing angels and that was, that was real and that was normal.

This was all new to me.

And so I feel like I was such a. I was ready and I was primed and I had my heart focused on God from the moment we went into what I describe as battle.

But he then was so patient with me, Kristen, and just revealed truth to me over and over and over and in ways where I.

It would, when it would happen, it would be so somatically real that, for example, there's, there's a time that I chronicle in the book where angels And Jesus himself appeared in the hospital.

And when it happened, it felt more real than any real of this world.

And that's a very hard thing to describe.

But people who have, have had near death experiences describe something very similar as well, where it's almost like you have more senses and time slows and what could be a moment could feel like an hour.

And all of this was happening and even seeing Jesus himself.

And I remember I wasn't seeing scared, I wasn't freaked out at all.

I just felt so at peace.

I felt it was almost like, well, of course I asked for angels.

I asked for the Savior and he came.

And it was only after the fact that I was playing head games with myself and saying, did I really see that?

Am I over tired?

Was that real?

Was that a vision?

What was that?

And, and I believe It's Acts chapter 12 where the angel comes and releases Peter from the prison.

It's basically the night before Herod is going to commit him to death.

And an angel appear.

The, the church is praying for Peter.

An angel appears in the prison with the sleeping guards and he says, get up, put on your sandals and walk out.

And he does, and the gate opens for him and he leaves the prison and he goes to find his friends who are, you know, praying on their knees for him and they don't even believe it's him.

And what he says in Acts chapter 12 is, he did it.

He didn't know if what he was seeing was really happening.

He thought it was a vision.

Yeah, and that is exactly how it felt to me.

Yeah, it was amazing.

I mean, that story.

But obviously having gone through that much more, so.

But yeah, it's, you know, that's wonderful.

And you, I mean, you hear these stories, you know, I mean, and some people experience them.

I mean, I've interviewed many people now who have had healing, right?

Or, you know, and then one, one person, she wrote a book all about healing in the last 200 years, like Divine healing, where people, you know, really, they just touch the garment, right, of that someone that blessed it with Jesus, you know, the power of the Holy Spirit, you know, the power of Jesus that he tells us, right, we'll be healed.

But I mean all these stories which until I was doing this podcast, because I haven't, I have two other podcasts until I was just doing my faith one, to be honest with you, I had some similar to you, like I always had.

I grew up in the church.

Like I studied religion in college too.

You know, like all these things, very similar kind of early parallel with some of the faith stuff.

But it was the same thing.

I feel like, well, hold on.

I read the Bible, but I didn't necessarily read it front to back and back, you know, the whole thing all the time.

But it's the same.

Of course I knew about angels, of course I knew about miracles.

But when you start talking to people that have actually experienced more of these things, your faith grows.

It can't not grow.

Yeah.

And so the more people that you hear these conversations about, it only makes you want to read the Bible more and then have that, that deepen your relationship with Christ and then get to know that what he promises in the Bible, what he shows us he's done, he's still doing today, whether we see it or not.

And so to me, like, I have goosebumps right now.

Right?

Like, because I think in the US Especially, and I don't know about, for the UK because I've not lived there, but compared to other countries where maybe more people struggle.

Right.

With just financially so many things, they say you see miracles more prevalent in places like that than in the US in, in.

On the surface at least.

And often the reason is, is because if you're too comfortable and you don't go to Christ until you're uncomfortable or I think your husband said in the book, you said growth happens in the extremities, but when we don't ever get there, we miss the miracle sometimes or we miss that he's present in the room because we're not present, we're not paying attention.

And so I think people sharing this, because I'm sure you questioned at some point, you know, like you said, you questioned even, like, what is somebody going to think I'm crazy?

Until you obviously had time and conviction that, no, no, this is really did happen, you know.

And so Kristen, even writing the book, I thought, are people going to think I'm crazy?

I mean, it's a real step out, you know, to.

It's a real step out to share this.

But the power of testimony is Jesus doesn't just do these things for us.

He does these things to draw others to faith.

It's our.

It's our responsibility to share it.

And I actually listened to that, your wonderful podcast episode on Healings, and I loved that episode, by the way.

And she said something that resonates with me and I think it's worth bringing up again.

It is your faith that heals you.

Yeah.

And the thing about being in such an extreme medical situation, you have no choice but to surrender it all, everything, Nothing in this, people say, you know, oh, I had a.

Nothing really matters.

But like when you are on your knees, on your stomach, when your child is dying in front of you, let me tell you, nothing else matters.

You can have my home, you can have my bank account, you can have the clothes off my back.

Nothing matters.

And I think God uses these.

While suffering does not come from Him, I believe he uses it because what we know of the divine is that he just wants to be in relationship with us.

So he will use the good times and he will use the not good times to draw us near.

And we have to remember the Word says, it is your faith that healed you.

You know, the bleeding woman who goes up to him and just touches his cloak.

He healed her.

The power went out of him and healed her because she believed that just by touching his cloak, she would be healed.

When Michael was pronounced all over, I went to the chapel.

I was not ready.

I knew our God was bigger than this.

And I wasn't even feeling him at the time.

Time I had felt him so near to us in nicu, and I did not feel him in picu.

And if he used that as a test, then so be it.

Because it strengthened my faith that even when I wasn't feeling him and didn't feel him walking with me, I was still seeking Him.

And, you know, we laid out our lives under the foot of the cross.

Two people who had been very private in their faith.

My husband was Catholic.

I, I, you know, might have sung in the choir, but I wasn't preaching about my experiences of God.

And here we are in the middle of London, in the middle of a hospital, and we are on our stomachs begging God to save Michael's life.

But the key is we believed he could do it.

Yes, absolutely.

We weren't there saying, please do this.

My life's over if this doesn't happen.

We're.

We were there being like, take it all.

Yeah, you can do this.

You have all of us.

You can do this.

And.

And then he did.

And I think the parallelisms of the healings and the miracles in the Bible is so strong because as my former senior pastor Pete Greg would say, the Bible is still being written.

Yeah.

Our stories, our testimony is part of the story, right?

Absolutely.

Yeah.

And I think somewhere in there, I think it was maybe when you were in the picu, you talk about, and not just about the belief, because a hundred percent it is.

It's.

Do we believe God for His promises in our own lives, not in other people's lives only.

Right.

But you said something where.

When.

When the first time, when he actually came through and you knew that there was some divine, you know, intervention.

But then you'd have friends say, oh, that you manifested.

And.

And you said something about like, well, I didn't really say to them, no, God did this.

But then you realize, like, hold on, I should have.

I knew in my heart, you know, and so what would you just say to that?

Because, look, a lot of us have been there like you.

Until I started this faith podcast 3 1/2 years ago, I didn't talk about my faith.

Like, all this is, like, the whole show is about this.

I'm hundreds of episodes in.

And so it's like, it's the same thing.

I had to go on a journey because God kept saying to me, you need to talk about your faith.

You need to have faith conversations.

You need to not be afraid to have these conversations, like, out loud.

And I. I haven't had anything like what you've gone through.

But one time in the morning hours, he did.

I did hear an audible voice come on my husband's alarm clock.

And it literally just said it never.

I mean, normally it's beeping or it's music, or it was just give glory to God.

Like, that was it.

And I was thinking about something at the time, actually thinking about the podcast.

I had started it, but I hadn't shared it with a single person, had a different name.

And I was like, okay, okay.

Like, I got the message, you know, and so.

And I've never had that happen since or before.

But there was no music.

It was on and off.

Like, I mean, it was just a voice, and then it was gone.

But, you know, the point is, is I think it's in some of the cultures we live in, even if we grew up in a faith, you know, in the Christian church or whatever denomination it's.

For some of us, until we've been through something that's really deepened our faith or our practices continue to deepen it, it's easy to be lukewarm.

I. I also think there's a political climate to Christianity at the moment, which makes people fearful of stepping out and talking about their faith.

And, you know, the UK perspective is interesting because that we're.

We're actually having a bit of a quiet revival right now, praise God.

But this has been a very spiritually dead country for a long time.

And so as a Christian American coming over, you know, it's hard to step out and to share, to share your faith, but it's also interesting because when he emboldens us, it might feel uncomfortable in the beginning, but you just get bolder and bolder.

It gets easier and easier.

And even the friends, you know, we've had some.

We have a very secular group of friends in London.

And some of the initial conversations when I started stepping out and when I told people I was writing the book and they were asking more of the story than they had previously, we had some difficult conversations with friends.

You know, conversations like, surely that was just in your head because you were so exhausted after months of being in hospital.

Really cynical.

And the interesting thing is those conversations would have now always circled around maybe weeks or months later and literally every one of them saying, can you tell me a little more about Jesus?

Yeah.

Because we, you know, he wants us to take that, that step for him.

And, and when people, you know, I've also had conversations recently about what's going on specifically in the state states with Christianity and how it is getting very political.

And it's really important when you have those hard conversations to just keep the conversation about Jesus.

Yeah.

Nobody can dispute that this God came to this earth as a human and he was about service and love and sitting with everyone and forgiving everyone.

And if we can just focus on that, we're not really going to ostracize very many people, right?

Absolutely.

Yeah.

And I think most of us are going are.

We're not trying to push something down someone's throat.

We're available for the conversation or we, we can be clear about our faith.

But, you know, because I have friends, you know, it took some, some of them years here, they're not really sure how they feel about all this.

And then one time we're on a walk by ourselves.

Sometimes we're in a group, sometimes we're by ourselves.

And we've now been able to have some conversations around this.

But, you know, one of them is still grappling with the whole, like, well, how does God allow X, Y, Z.

Right.

You know, and you try to give her some or someone thoughts on that.

Right.

And.

But, you know, everybody's on their own journey and they have to come to it.

Like you said, sometimes it's going to take people longer to get there if they're kind of starting to wonder and want to know what this is about.

You've brought up a really good point.

And funny enough, it takes me back to my Miss America training.

When we were doing interview training for Miss America, we were taught that one of the most powerful things you can say when Asked a direct question that you don't know or are unsure of, the answer is to say, I don't know.

I'll give that some thought.

And I've used that now for the last God.

What has it been, 20 years?

I don't know.

Don't make me do the math.

I've used that so many times in business and leadership.

Leadership in hard conversations and faith conversations.

Because there are parts of our faith that I don't understand.

And I think it's really powerful to level with people who are questioning and say, do you know what?

I really wonder about that, too.

I'm not quite sure, or this is what the word says.

I'm not sure at this moment how I feel about that.

And then redirecting it to what I do know.

And what I do know is that I don't have to have it all figured out.

The only thing I do have to have figured out is that Jesus Christ is my best friend.

And the only reason why I want you to know about this is because he makes your life, this earthly life, so much more calm and peaceful.

And if not even to talk about what happens after here, which is just going to be amazing and glory.

But I would love all my friends to know that I have this peace.

You know, we.

We have a hard parenting journey.

It started hard.

It's hard today.

Michael has additional needs.

And the only reason I have joy and I can smile through the really hard days is because I have an audience of one, and that is Jesus.

Yeah.

Amen.

Yeah.

So let's dig into some things.

So you get out of the hospital.

We'll fast forward some.

You now have your son who's.

Is it okay to say his age?

I don't know.

Okay.

Who's seven.

And then you have a daughter that you had after him who's about 5.

And so let's dig in a little bit about just motherhood.

Like you said, you have your son who has additional needs.

And then you're just.

You said something really interesting, actually.

You said for some time you had help.

Right.

To care for the kids and kind of get, you know, everything kind of the.

Everything met that you needed met.

Right.

For the family.

But I think now you may not.

You don't have that same help.

And it was kind of like.

I think I saw a post that you said, like, hold on, I want to still play with my kids, but I have to get all the things done.

And then I remember you saying something about, you know, a sandwich for dinner's fine.

And I talk about this a lot, which is the whole idea that kind of, like you said, romanticizing about motherhood or about the day or about whatever.

And that's not how life is.

And so I'd love for you just to talk about like a little bit about how does life operate and how have you found strategies or tactics that work too, like you said, yes, faith.

And I'm sure you have some spiritual practices that you might mention.

But also the whole how do we do less of what doesn't truly matter?

Oh, wow.

That is the billion dollar question.

Yeah.

So full disclosure, I've had full time help since we got home from hospital with Michael.

I had my career at the same time.

So I left my full time corporate job when Michael was four and Jory was two and I continued to have full time help at home.

And I mean, first of all, it's an immense privilege that I was in a position to be able to have that.

So, so many people don't.

And yes, I, at the moment, I don't.

And I think what we have to do is just remember, we just have to, we have, it's like a constant battle of like what's most important in this moment.

Right.

And when Michael was, he was having a really hard time in the autumn, we went through a couple really tricky months and I had to make these micro decisions the whole time about in this moment, what is needed more that I go make that bolognese or that I am on the floor with him when he's dysregulated, co regulating with him and holding him and nurturing him and then, yeah, maybe it's going to be a cheese sandwich I knock together in 30 seconds.

But the child is eating, he's healthy, he's great growing.

And I don't need to put all this pressure on myself.

And I think especially in this very social media world of seeing everyone make these perfect meals and lay these perfect tables, that's not real life.

It's not many people's real lives.

Right.

And so, yeah, I think, I think it's, it's micro decisions on the practical things.

And it's also just you're constantly sort of asking yourself the balance when you have siblings, you know, who needs me now and in what way.

And when you have additional needs in the household, that's a constant battle because often one child does actually practically physically and mentally need, you know, require much more of you.

So you're just constantly making these adjustments on the fly.

Right?

Yeah.

And I think, you know, you kind of said it, but yeah, it's one.

It's not being so hard on yourself.

That you have to.

Any day is okay.

Like, if you don't get to the laundry, you didn't make some beautiful dinner, Leftovers are fine.

Like, the laundry can wait.

Right?

I mean, maybe not for a month, but.

So I think sometimes, though, we have this expectation that things will be a certain way.

And I think as a parent, it's normally never that way, at least not for most of us, you know?

And so I think it's important for us to be reminded that all of us, in our own ways, go through those battles and that those thoughts, but we just have to keep reminding ourselves.

Right?

Like.

Like you said, we have limited time with our kids when they're growing.

I think there's a generation of women that I'm part of who we were, sort of promised we could have it all.

You know, you go and you get a good degree and you go and you work really hard in your career.

You quote, unquote, make some.

Something of yourself.

You have tried to have a beautiful home, you entertain.

You start living to a.

To a caliber that you expect will continue.

But this is a different season.

And I think trying to take a step back and recognizing the season that you're in is really important because it helps you let go of those things that might not be.

They might not be gone forever, but they might not be realistic for right now, for this season that we're in.

So the tricky season I was describing to you in the autumn, we cleared the decks, you know, I canceled plans.

We.

I said no to so many things, and I didn't know how long that season would last.

I knew it wouldn't last forever, but I knew that that's what my family needed now.

And look, I entertain to a high caliber.

I'm a friend to a high caliber.

I have a lot of things I'm proud of, and I had to recalibrate and also to be really communicative about what was going on and what I needed and to say to friends who are trusted and close, I'm really not doing really well right now.

This is hard, and I need time to sort this out.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I love that, and it's so true.

Well, two things there.

It's when someone's going through something hard, whether it's a season or a diagnosis, someone's in the hospital, whether it's a child, a parent, spouse, it's that whole, like, we can show up by.

For people by just showing up, right?

Not waiting for them to Say, because we.

We know we've had friends walk through, you know, many things where they needed support, and they don't always know what support they need.

You obviously went through this and, you know, have walked through this multiple times, but it's just someone showing up and just bringing something or dropping something off.

Right.

And so I think two.

It's.

One, it's communicating clearly.

Like, I don't even know what I need, but it's also like, I need to take a pause from something or I need to slow, you know, whatever.

Like, cancel this for now.

It's not because I don't want to see you, but I have to work.

We have to work through some things.

Right.

Or get to a better place or whatever.

So.

But once again, that comes down to community.

And so having community, nurturing those relationships when you can, you know, but also doing life with people.

And doing life with people means being authentic and being honest with them.

Right.

No matter what we're going through.

And I don't mean that means you tell everybody or put it all on social media, but it does mean you have to have a trusted friend or friends that you can count on or family members.

Absolutely.

There's a brilliant book written by Sheryl Sandberg and I think a Wharton professor as well, maybe Adam Grant, called Plan B.

And it's about the tragic loss of her.

Her husband, Sheryl Sandberg's husband.

And she puts it really well.

She was saying, I'll paraphrase, but it's something like when someone is going through the really hard stuff, they don't know how to answer the question, what can I do?

How can I help?

They don't know how anybody can help.

They're so in the vortex of it.

And I actually believe Americans are phenomenal at this.

I think it's a really great part of our culture, and I think it probably does stem from the church as well.

But Americans just show up.

We don't really ask permission, which I think is a really beautiful blessing in these situations.

When Michael.

When we had Michael, within one day, I opened my phone for the first time, and it was email after email after email from Ven, from Venmo, and from Uber, all of our friends from the States sending money for cab rides to the hospital and grocery money to fill our fridge with healthy food.

It wasn't that we couldn't afford to buy food.

It was just their way from an Ocean and 3,000 miles away for giving, for taking care of us when we could.

I didn't know what to say, how Anyone could help.

You don't think anyone can help.

So, yeah, I totally agree with you.

And I think that key point is to have that community that you, you have fostered by being authentic and by sharing your life with them.

Part of the.

Part of the reason I wrote 24 +1 and I had the grace of my husband who told me to even include more, include our fights, include our arguments, because I think when we are really real, and that's an extreme example because obviously that's out to the world, but I think when we can share what's really going on, it also normalizes these experiences that everyone has.

Every married couple on the planet has massive arguments every now and then.

It's really unusual for that not to happen.

We don't talk about that.

We just want people to think we might bicker a little bit.

Like, that's not really real life.

And by sharing it, it's going to allow the audience, maybe one other person to two other people to go, oh, my gosh, us too.

Or we've been through that.

And it helps people feel seen and heard and it makes real, authentic connections.

Absolutely.

I mean, honestly, I have conversations all the time, different topics, but in the last, I don't know, two months, I've interviewed two different pastors, male pastors, who they both have walked through in the last five years, depression or severe depression.

And, you know, kind of.

Well, one walked through it a long time ago, but he just wrote a book about the four keys of mental health.

The other one has walked through it recently.

But the whole point is when one of them shares a story that he says, I didn't know any other pastors that had had depression.

This was, like I said, his was a 15, 10 to 20 years ago, and he, he happened to pick up an audiobook that's how long.

I mean, like a tape at the library.

So some time ago.

But he said I on the back of the tape.

It was about, like, strategies for dealing with depression.

It was actually a pastor that shared his story about coming out of depression.

He's like, it gave me hope.

It's because we're talking about real life and what we really go through.

And I do the same for some of the things we've walked through.

Because once again, if I don't hear that anyone else has gone through something with like a young adult child or whatever it is, you.

You don't know, like, oh, okay, other people have been through this, or, oh, that's what some of the signs were.

Or this is the strategy.

Right.

It can feel hopeless.

And so knowing you're not alone in something, whether it's through your, you know, friends and community, but also knowing that other people share similar stories and have there's a hope through filled future possible, you know, is so important.

So I think one other thing I just want to mention about motherhood and then I want to talk something about faith.

I think the other thing that's really important and you kind of show little examples of this when you were able, when your son was, you know, and NICU and pick you is you have to make time to give yourself a break, whether it's five minutes or whether it's a little longer.

You know, as your kids are older, I'm sure, I think sometimes you're able to get a break for an hour or maybe a day or whatever it might be when someone else can be there to, you know, take care of them.

So what would you just share with us about that?

I did this so wrong, Kristen.

I got this one catastrophically wrong.

For many years I felt like, you know, when your child is in intensive care, you, you have this horrible battle going on of like, I just want to be with them, but I'm, I don't sleep here.

Like, when am I meant to be here?

And I, before I was really walking with Christ, I was a real perfectionist.

I was a people pleaser and I needed to do everything at an 11 out of 10.

And even when I started to know him, it took some time for that to start to shed and for my new, my new self in Christ to be born.

And it was actually a couple years after Michael got out of the hospital when I was, I had a high pressure career.

I had a big team.

I had a lot going on professionally, let's say I had Michael at home, who was 2 at the time, had additional needs.

We didn't know what they were.

And I had a young baby on the breast.

And I was trying to do all of that while running a house in London, trying to get kids into schools.

It was nonstop and crazy.

And I remember my husband saying like, I was depressed.

I was really in, in, in a whirlwind.

And I remember Patrick saying like, you should just maybe take a walk or you should maybe like go have dinner with a friend.

And in the moment you're just like, I don't have time for a walk.

I don't have time for dinner with a friend.

I'm working it all out.

How, how, how, how.

And it took us long actually in our marriage to start to recalibrate things and make things a little more even as well.

And then it took me time for things to settle and to say, I have to take care of myself.

Yeah, I mean, that.

That broke me when I left work to try to get a handle on things at home.

And I. I was.

They talk about burnout professionally.

I don't think we talk enough about burnout personally.

And I think especially as it relates to motherhood, I was burnt out professionally and I was certainly burnt out in motherhood to like a real extreme with everything we had going on.

And I didn't know what I. I needed.

I didn't know how anyone could help.

But it was only after I left work, started focusing on the home more, and actually found there was a bit of time in the day, and I mean moments, but there were moments.

Yeah.

And I started to put practices into the day of silence.

So in my pre world, you know, I would be.

If I was running to get to the office, I'd have a business leadership podcast on.

If I was sitting on the subway and I didn't have WI fi for the headset, I would.

I would be reading the Bible or I would be doing my grocery order.

I was optimizing my time all the time.

And that was a real trap because who was that optimizing anything for?

You know, I. I was not taking care of myself.

So when I stepped back professionally, I started recalibrating a lot of things.

And one of the things I did was put silence into the day.

So I dropped the children off at nursery and at school, and then I would turn the radio off.

And the 20 minutes from the last school drop off to home, I would sit in the quiet.

And there were many examples of me doing this in different parts of the day.

But that's one example where it's amazing what comes up in your mind when you don't have that auditory input and stimulation coming at you all the time.

It's how we're meant to be.

And I think it leaves space for faith because it got to the point where I would start visualizing Jesus.

I would just say, just sit in the car with me.

Just drive home with me.

And we would just have a chat.

And the things that would bubble up that I was worried about, we would address.

And this sort of silence practice became a real spirituality practice that I'm still using and I'm very grateful for.

I love that.

Thank you for sharing that.

Okay, so as we just wrap up here, one of the things that I wrote down, and we've already talked about this a little bit, but I just want to see what you'd like to share or add to this, which is, you know, God still speaks, God still heals, he still protects, and he still sends angels.

What would you just say to that that maybe we didn't cover?

I would say believe it.

Believe it all.

If you're not believing at all, then you're missing some of the magic.

And if you are a Christian, but you don't know Christ, forget about all the noise.

Forget about what you should know or shouldn't know.

Just sit and ask him to come into your heart.

Ask him to be your friend.

Ask him to get to know you and for you to get to know Him.

Yeah, I love it.

So good.

So last.

Last two things.

One is, is there anything that's helped you.

You in your faith other than just getting in the Word daily?

Like, is it going through the Bible in a year?

Is it a certain book?

Like, is there anything that you just felt like kind of took this journey went on, especially during that, you know, first year of your son's being, your son being born?

Oh, gosh, I've been.

I've been on such a journey.

I've read a million books.

2025 was just like the.

Yeah, it was pretty.

Pretty wild.

I am, I think after I wrote.

After I wrote my book, I didn't want to read any other accounts of people seeing Jesus or angels until I had written my own story, because I didn't want it to be in my consciousness in any way.

So after I published the book, I went on a bit of a spree of reading all of these stories.

And I guess I would just say read up and dig into other people's testimonies.

There are some amazing books out there.

Some Bethel pastors have written some.

Some incredible books about seeing into the spirit realm.

And even if that makes you feel a bit uncomfortable at first, I just encourage people to.

To listen to other believers and to just have that willing suspension of disbelief when they're doing it, to just say, okay, could.

Could this be.

And see what happens in your heart.

Because I think God uses testimonies to really draw us to him 100%.

Like I said, just doing this podcast every episode, you know, especially some of them more than others.

But it does.

It just.

It just expands, right?

My.

My faith, my view of God, just all the things.

Because it's testimonies, right?

That's what people are coming on.

I mean, they're not only sharing that, they're sharing lots of things, but.

But Part of all of them is their story.

Right.

Their journey, their relationship.

So I absolutely agree with you.

That's, that's one of the ways that we grow our faith in our relationship, you know, you know, with Christ.

So I love that.

Okay, so last question and then we'll wrap this up.

So what would you just say is fueling you right now?

It doesn't have to be faith related.

It can be, but just, you know, it's faith fueled living.

And so what is fueling you?

As we've started into January, February, when this comes out, probably.

Is there anything that's just fueling you, you know, at work, at home, you.

Know, just anything, you know, my daughter turns 5 in February and of all of the themes for her birthday party that she could choose, K Pop, Demon Hunters and you know, Frozen and whatever, she's chosen the Sound of Music.

She loves the film the Sound of Music.

So we are listening to that music a lot.

We're talking about the story a lot.

And so I'm really fueled at the moment by just her awe and wonder of some of the old school, old fashioned things.

Yeah.

In this really glitzy, fast, chaotic world, it's so, it's such a joy to just watch it get stripped back to something that is just so beautiful.

I love that.

So good.

Okay, so let us know what is, where's the best place to connect with you online or your website and all that good stuff?

Probably the best place is my Instagram.

My handle is at theashruddy and 24 +1 is on all Amazon platforms globally in English speaking countries.

And I also personally narrated the audiobook so listeners can find it on all platforms where Audiobooks are sold.

24 +1 by Ash Reddy.

Oh, I love it.

Well, Ash, thank you for coming on, sharing your journey, your story, your testimony and just your heart with us.

Because I think it, you know, all the places that you're going and sharing and in your book, you know, it's just, it is, it's going to be an.

And is an encouragement to other women, other families walking through, you know, their own journeys in faith, their own journeys in parenting, you know, or whatever else they might be walking through.

So thank you so much.

Thank you for having me, Kristin.

I really enjoyed our chat.

Absolutely.

Thank you.

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