Hello, and welcome to the Borealis experience. I'm

your host Aurora, life coach and accountability buddy companion

on this journey called life. Thank you so much for being

here. I appreciate you so much.

Whatever you're doing right now, if you're working, if you're

just laying on your bed, your couch, if you're driving, I

really hope you feel good. I hope you feel good about

yourself. I hope you feel safe, understood and loved. And if you

don't feel all these beautiful supportive feelings, then I hope

you feel that you can reach out to me and ask for help. And if

it is not me, maybe a friend maybe an acquaintance even

sometimes a stranger can be more help helpful than a person that

you know already maybe a family member, just know that you're

not alone. Today, I want to talk about grief, grief, and maybe

even weight loss weight gain. Maybe you have noticed that I

haven't posted an episode. Last week, I went through intense

emotional stuff. I was really on a roller coaster, it felt like

being in a washing machine. And I felt that the stuff I was

going through, I couldn't really share with anybody because I

felt so much shame for my grief. And that's a very deadly combo.

Because once you feel shame for how you feel, you will suppress

it and you will not be able to channel it out you will keep it

in your system in your body. And it's just going to feel like a

pressure cooker. That's gonna make you feel worse and worse

and worse. And even though I know that me wreck recreating

podcast episodes are it's therapeutic for me because

sardick For me, I was in such a deep dark hole that I couldn't

even pull myself together. So I apologize for that to some

degree, but I also value and acknowledge how I felt last week

and I'm still recovering from that. But yeah, let's let's talk

about grief because I feel we don't talk about it enough

because it's so incredibly tough. And that makes it a topic

for me that is extremely juicy, because I address all the stuff

that is too intimate, too much too sensitive, too fragile,

because I feel our society deeply needs that and one said.

So grief is a feeling of deep loss. Combined with regret. You

might be feeling responsible for the pain that you inflicted on

others or your self. You're missing something in your life

or you lost something in your life that was deeply meaningful.

If a person is involved for relationship and is involved in

that's even more intense because we are herd animals we are

deeply connected to each other's energies and physical physical

connection but also mental connection. So when you go

through something traumatic, or you have gone through something

traumatic and something triggers it and the pain comes back,

sometimes we feel immobile, paralyzed. We feel we can

function anymore, right Monday. We were going to work and

accomplishing all tasks happily and then the other we feel

triggered and from one second to the other. We are falling back

into that deep hole of pain and it is a tough place to be in.

Because sometimes you don't find your words, sometimes you can't

even make sense of why you're feeling this intense pain

because maybe the trauma

is long gone long process do you thought. But now you realize,

no, it's not. So that's even scary. So it is not only the

pain that comes on, contact you again. But it is also scary that

we can't seem to get rid of certain pains, they will always

be around. So what I've learned to do in the last couple of

years of, you know, working as a coach and being there for other

people, and working on myself as well, is to fully embrace that

pain and to sit with that pain. And as awkward and weird that

may sound to also take accountability for that pain,

right to, to know that, yes, we are allowing this pain to come

up, we're not suppressing it, we're not trying to run away

from it. We're fully allowing it, to come up, and to look at

it, to sit with it. And then even more important is to try

and gently find out. What is this pain, trying to communicate

to me?

What is this pain, wanting to show me wanting to make peace

with? If it is a person that you're missing? It is very good

practice to ask yourself? What was that person standing for in

your life? Did it have a symbolic position in your life?

Was it? Was that person filling a void? Was that person somebody

that you wish you could be? Be curious. So sit with a pain. Ask

questions. And I highly recommend that you do that by

yourself and that you allow the emotions to flow out of you.

Yeah, you cry or you write a journal, you start writing

everything down that you feel and think of. But sometimes it's

also good practice to have someone with you, someone who

can hold that space for you. And it can be a professional, it can

be a friend that you ask, Hey, can you hear me out for a

moment? Can I talk to you about something, are you in a place

where I can open up about some of my pain. So if you're not

addressing talking to a professional coach or counselor

or psychologist, ask a person directly if they are ready to

hold space for you. And then they can decide for themselves

and then really be there for you. Or you might have to find

somebody else. So to make that clear, before you open up to

somebody about your pin is very, very important. Because if you

are in pain already, and then feel rejected by a person

because they were not ready to listen to you adds more pain to

the pain which you don't need. Another thing I want to talk

about is that sometimes our pain is so physical, so visceral,

that we feel the need to either starve that pain or to suffocate

the pain with food. And this is when weight gain and weight loss

comes into play. Because sometimes we lose lots of

weight. While we're grieving. Sometimes we gain lots of weight

because we're very differently wired and handle our emotions

differently. And to be and stay in a place of non resistance,

but also non judgement, right? Not judging yourself for feeling

that pain still is so incredibly important. And then to go

further and to notice Hey, Am I taking care of my basic needs?

Or am I falling back into old coping mechanisms where I feel

the need to starve. Physical hygiene is becoming difficult,

or I feel the need to eat so much because my brain made a

positive connection to food way back. And now I want lots of

positivity because I want to overcompensate for the

negativity and the pain I feel. And to notice, when these

patterns come up to notice when these swords come up of self

punishment, or over indulgence is so important on your path of

healing. It is very important to acknowledge your pain, and to

trust that by doing that, you're not going to go and more intense

pain and it's going to take longer, and you'll never get

over it, but to address it, to sit with it, to embrace it, to

ask the right questions, and then to not fall into coping

mechanisms that are not healthy, right, as some people over

exercise when they are in pain, which is also not good. From the

outside, they will look healthy and strong. But internally,

they're totally broken. So what's the point? Because you

won't see your own beauty Anyways,

if you feel broken inside. So grieve is really a tricky one

because it comes haunting you out of nowhere, at times, and

then you feel overwhelmed. You don't want to be a burden to

other people you shut down and close up. And when people ask

you how you are you answer with fine, I'm fine. I'm good and

busy. But you're not you're not busy. And you're not fine,

because you're struggling so much that you don't even know

how to function. You don't even know how to get out of bed in

the morning you don't know how to cover your basic needs. And

know you don't have to open up to every stranger to cross your

path and overwhelm them with your stuff. You need to find

somebody who is trustworthy and who can hold space, a person

that is neutral would be best choice. And then you can

engage in a big step in your healing journey. And this is

what I did over the last couple of days.

I opened up to people, I allowed myself to cry and to sit there.

I allowed myself to socialize and just be in company of good

people good energy, right? Sometimes we feel we have to

hide and shut ourselves out of the world. And I noticed that I

was doing that in the past. And now when I feel sick from the

inside and so sad, I will still say yes to a social gathering.

If I know I will be surrounded by people that make me feel good

and safe. So self compassion, gentleness, curiosity. Making

space allowing yourself to be is what I want to inspire you to

do. And I want to create the space for you were you can feel

all this where you can feel safe and good and your strongest self

and your weaker self and all those feelings that are hard to

process. I'm very, very excited to be meeting with people and

personnel after COVID is over. I'm going to host a circle I'm

going to call them the human circle in the future and people

pick a topic a week before we need and then I'll work on the

topic and then we meet in a good place high energy space. And

I'll be talking for half an hour and then we have a q&a for the

second half an hour and I'm very Excited to engage and to be an

exchange with people to learn from you and to grow with you

together. So if you feel that that would help you on your

journey, please don't hesitate to reach out and you can always

request episodes here as well. And shoot me a question if you

have on Facebook Aurora Eggert and I'll be happy to serve you.

Brainstorm for you, and help ways for you to become your

strongest self. Alright, I'm gonna leave you with that. Nuts

of love. Feel a big warm hug. Until next time, bye bye