[00:00:00] In this episode, you'll discover why your imperfections are actually your superpower and how you might be sabotaging your self worth without even knowing it. Welcome to Take Out Therapy, a podcast helping empathic executives learn stress reduction, self compassion, and emotional intelligence skills for more work life balance and inner peace.

I'm Rebecca Hunter, a therapist who specializes in helping high achievers break free from anxiety and overwhelm. If you're ready to stop overthinking, let go of people pleasing and truly thrive, you're in the right place. Thanks for listening. Let's get to work. Welcome. I'm so glad you're joining me for today's episode.

I'm happy you're here because this episode is all about flipping the script on how we see imperfections. You'll discover how imperfection can help you connect authentically. with other people,~ the importance of vulnerability in your mental health, the importance of mo mother fucker, ~the importance of vulnerability in your mental health.

And I'll give you some tips on how to reframe flaws as part of what makes you you. And~ if after this session, you're feeling ready to take the next step, ~[00:01:00] If after this session, you're feeling ready to take the next step, let's turn your mental health goals into a plan. Click the link in the show notes to book a free 30 minute discovery call with me.

Together, we'll create a clear, actionable roadmap to help you feel calmer, more balanced, and in charge of your life.

Okay, so before I get started with telling you what to do about perfection, let me share a personal example to illustrate this idea. Recently, I invited some new friends over for a casual game of Mahjong. You know I love a game of Mahjong. Hosting people always brings a certain vulnerability, doesn't it?

Especially when you want everything to be nice and good, like perfect. Like many of us. I spent time cleaning, organizing, and making sure everything looked really good. And then after the gals had left, I walked into the bathroom and I noticed toothpaste smeared on the mirror. ~ ~At first I totally cringed, but then I was able to laugh realizing how little Well, that matters.

[00:02:00] Those gals didn't come over to inspect my bathroom. They came to connect, have fun and enjoy each other's company. And frankly, I don't hang out with judgmental people. So if they had had ideas about the toothpaste on the mirror, they're probably not a good fit for me.

This situation was such a powerful reminder for me of number one, how much I've changed because believe me you, I have been a perfectionist and I am happy to say I've recovered, but also it was a powerful reminder that our imperfections rarely matter. As much as we think they do, or they rarely matter to other people in the way that we think they do, don't they?

So,

letting go of unrealistic standards creates space for authentic connection. And sometimes, even a good laugh. And I want to throw in there, a lot less anxiety. Right? Because having to have things [00:03:00] be perfect all the time is really anxiety producing. And I see it in my clients all the time. You know, when we're talking about working on our perfectionism, there's a really good strategy to go about it.

The first thing you really need to do is redefine your ~ ~definition of flawed. ~Like, ~I would encourage you to start seeing imperfections, whether it's in your work or a mistake you made with your partner or parenting. Start seeing imperfections as Just part of being human, part of what makes you, you know, flawed is a perspective, right?

And what some people see as flawed, other people see as fine. So you get to choose your perspective, redefining what you think of as flaws or mistakes can really, really help you work with yourself, right? Because ~when we. ~[00:04:00] When we have this unrealistic expectation of what needs to happen and then it doesn't happen, it's a rabbit hole, friend, and you will be against yourself at the first opportunity.

The other thing that we need to do when we're trying to work on perfectionism is we have to practice vulnerability. Okay, so we have to practice sharing imperfection with other people. We have to talk about things that we're struggling with, maybe with our boss or with a friend or with our partner. We maybe have to share our challenges.

with someone we trust, right? Or even worse, vulnerability is asking for help. When you get stumped, instead of putting it all on your shoulders, like I've got to figure this out. This is my problem, right? We can practice [00:05:00] vulnerability. by asking for help. You know, asking other people for help builds connection.

It builds relationship. And frankly, it's good for us and good for them because who doesn't like to help? We all like to feel helpful. It's very, very empowering. So share the wealth friend by practicing sharing struggles, sharing challenges, and asking for help. But then there's going to be times when you mess up, when things don't meet your standards, and that is not a great feeling, and it can lead you down a shame spiral, right?

And so when you notice that this is happening. You have to be willing to change the script by using positive self talk. You just have to be willing to replace criticism of the job you did or the thing you said or the mistake you made. Replacing [00:06:00] self criticism with affirmations or just words of support that acknowledge the struggle.

Like, Why do you have to be perfect and everybody else can be messed up, right? How about telling yourself that it's completely appropriate to make a mistake. It's completely appropriate to have an argument to cause conflict. It's completely appropriate if there's toothpaste on the bathroom mirror, like duh, where else would it be, right?

So we have to use positive self talk. And The biggest barrier that I see with people is they're not really willing to do it for one thing, or they don't notice the self criticism. And so what I would say is that it really, really helps if you just take a beat. When things don't go well, remember your definition of flawed.

[00:07:00] Right? Remember that you're trying to change that definition, practice a little vulnerability and be willing to talk to yourself different. And just like always in personal growth work, it's really, really important to just pause and acknowledge when you win. So when you're able to embrace your imperfections.

As part of your growth process, amazing things start happening. Number one, you start using more positive self talk when things don't go as planned. You start having more faith in yourself to work things out.~ Right? ~So celebrate those awesome, flawsome moments. Did you see what I did there? It's hard, you know, wanting things to be, to go well, to, ~um,~ look good, to be right, be done correctly, is hard.

It's a good thing. And [00:08:00] it's also a rabbit hole that causes a lot of mental health problems. So as I sort of end this conversation with you today, I would ask that you just reflect on one area of your life that you tend to be concerned about. kind of picky or perfectionist or that nothing ever feels like you're doing it good enough.

I felt this way a lot raising kids. ~Um,~ parenting is a very imperfect process, you know, and so it's like just reflect on one area of your life that's really been a struggle in this department. And take one small step towards, ~like,~ letting some of it go. Try to just be human. Try to not have the answer, or not have to do it right.

Not have to do it better than everybody else. Try just being human and see how that feels. ~You know,~ I'll warn you, it's a little bit of a setup. It'll be [00:09:00] uncomfortable. When we start to work on ourselves, we create these uncomfortable things. Like, really? I'm going to just reflect on my imperfection and be okay with that?

No, you're going to reflect on your imperfection. And you're going to change your neural pathways by responding differently. That's the name of the game, friend. So try just showing up just as you are, imperfect and awesome. And notice how it feels to connect with people a little bit more authentically, honestly.

Sometimes you might have to say, I don't know, ask somebody else, or I don't know the answer to that, but let's go get some help. You know, if you're a leader. In your company or your household, I will say this is really good modeling because nobody's perfect and we don't want to teach our kids or our employees that they need to be [00:10:00] perfect.

Today, I'm hoping you learned that imperfections are what make us relatable. ~Um,~ and loveable that vulnerability is key to confidence and authentic connections. And also taking small intentional steps in your relationship with yourself helps you shift your mindset and grow out of perfectionism. Thank you so much for spending your time with me today.

I truly appreciate you being here. New episodes are released most Fridays. Be sure to tune in. If you found this podcast helpful, share it with someone you care about. And if you're feeling ready to take the next step, let's turn your mental health goals into a plan. Click the link in the show notes to book a free 30 minute discovery call with me.

Together, we'll create a clear, actionable roadmap to help you feel calmer, more capable and in control of your life. And remember, while takeout therapy is a great [00:11:00] education resource, always get the level of support that you need for your situation. Head to TakeOutTherapy. com to connect with me. Until next time, take really good care of yourself.