Hey there.

Welcome to your Financially Confident Christian Tuesday lunch live.

I'm Ralph Estep Jr. And I'm so glad you're joining me today.

Have you ever felt like you're pulling a heavy financial cart uphill alone,

especially when your spouse isn't on the same page, or maybe you've

wondered if it's even okay to enjoy money and still be a faithful steward?

Well, today we're gonna go deep into your toughest questions

about living below your means.

We're talking about irregular income, teaching your kids about

money without shame, and even the tender topic of tithing.

When you're in debt, I'm ready to share actionable steps and grace-filled

insights to help you find peace and freedom in your finances and your faith.

So don't miss this show.

Is your spouse secretly sabotaging?

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This is grit and growth business strategies that grow businesses,

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Welcome.

Again.

I'm Ralph EP Jr, and I'm so glad you're joining me today.

Maybe you're on your break and maybe you've got a sandwich in one hand and your

phone in the other, but you made it, and this next hour is your chance to pause.

It's your chance to breathe and really reset not just your mind,

but your finances and your faith.

Now listen, over the last 30 days, we've walked through a powerful journey

together in a series that I call the joy of living below your means.

We tackled habits, we tackled budgeting, we tackled spending, we tackled those

spending triggers and debt and, and we talked about spiritual peace.

But today we're gonna be doing something a little bit different.

We're gonna answer the top six questions that real listeners, maybe

just like you have been asking.

So if you're ready to dive in, let's get started with our first question.

what if I live below my means, but my spouse doesn't?

That was really the highlight of what we're talking about today, and the

truth is this one cuts pretty deep because managing money is emotional,

and when you and your spouse aren't even on the same page, it can feel like

you're pulling a heavy cart uphill, like I mentioned at the beginning.

And you're doing it all alone and it's a common struggle and honestly.

It's Oftentimes it's more about a communication and differing values

than it is about the money itself.

So you might be saying, Ralph, well what can we do to make this work?

Because listen, I'm gonna tell you right now if you are on opposite pages as

your spouse, when it comes to finances.

You're gonna find yourself in a really tough situation.

I have seen more marriages and relationships end because of financial

issues than probably any other issue.

I talk about this all the time on the show, but here's the things

that I've seen that have worked.

So here's what I've seen that do work.

The first thing I'm gonna mention is I'm gonna say grace over judgment.

And curiosity over control.

So instead of saying, uh, so, and listen, I'm guilty of this myself, you know,

instead of saying, why do you spend so much, I. See, if you say that the the why

in you, you're automatically backing your spouse or your partner into a corner.

One of the things that I would recommend is try asking this question instead.

What does financial peace look like to you?

I. Because you wanna shift that conversation and, and by asking

that it shifts the conversation from blame to understanding.

And remember, your spouse might have a different financial experience or, or even

different beliefs that shape their habits.

We've talked about that on the show before.

You know, maybe your spouse came from a place where maybe they struggled

financially or maybe they came from a place where they didn't worry

about that kind of thing and they had plenty of money going around.

But I think one of the things that you really need to do.

Is you've gotta seek to understand their perspective.

Really understand, have two-way communication with them.

And ask questions, you know, what, what is it that you're, what's bothering you?

Understand their fears.

Understand their hopes.

Maybe they don't realize what your, what your objectives are, what your hopes are,

and really sit down and talk about those.

Because here's the thing, you're not gonna force unity, but you can model it.

You can invite it and you also the trust that small seeds

of example, will bear fruit.

It might not happen overnight, but consistently with loving

communication, you can bridge that gap.

So I'm gonna give you a few actionable tips.

If you're in this situation, and I've talked about this on the show many times.

The first tip is this, have a monthly money meeting, and I'm

gonna call it a money meeting.

This something casual and short.

This isn't the time to start reading the book War in Peace.

This is the time to have a short meeting and, and listen.

I'm telling you from the start, make it like 15 minutes tops.

This isn't a time to lecture or pontificate about something.

It's just a time to check in.

Have a, have a casual conversation.

Keep it light, keep it focused on progress.

Don't get bogged down and well, you did this, and you did that, and, and focus

on the problems because you're gonna find yourself in a very difficult situation.

If you do that, you know, this is a great time to maybe talk about shared goals

like saving for a family vacation, or just acknowledge what went well that month.

You know, talk about, Hey, we had this goal that we were gonna set aside

so month so much for an emergency fund this month, that, hey, we

met that goal, and celebrate that.

This is the goal of this whole thing, is to have open dialogue, not confrontation.

If you start off with confrontation, let just tell you right now,

you're gonna find yourself.

In a bad way, it's not going to work.

The goal again is open dialogue, not confrontation.

Another thing I'm gonna recommend that you do, and listen, it's taken me a lot

of, a lot of life and, and I'm still guilty of this, but use I statements.

If you sit there and you're pointing your finger and you did this, and you did that.

You are going to find yourself in a bad spot.

Use I statements.

Things like, I feel anxious when we overspend.

Can we work on this?

Because what you wanna do is you wanna focus on your feelings.

You don't wanna sit there and make accusations instead of, you

always buy unnecessary things.

That is just gonna create a debate.

It's gonna create this, this defensiveness.

Try saying something like this.

I feel stressed when I see our credit card balance go up.

I. And then you asked the question, how can we approach

this differently as a team?

See, because that's the whole point.

You wanna invite collaboration rather than defense.

If it's gonna be a battle you're gonna lose.

And you might think, well, I'm gonna win this battle, but let

me just tell you something.

I. You're gonna lose the war in the end.

Another thing I'm gonna highly recommend that you do is celebrate wins together,

even if they're small ones, things like, did you stick to a budget for

your grocery shopping this week?

Acknowledge that.

Give each other a high five.

Maybe just, just stay within that grocery budget for a month,

or paying off a small debt.

That can be huge and help you build that relationship and start recognizing

progress no matter how small, because that's gonna reinforce positive

behavior and it's gonna build momentum.

It also helps to, to those model, these habits we talk about.

This also shows your spouse that, that live below your means, means you.

You can be rewarded.

Not just restricted because your spouse may come from a place where

maybe they grew up in a place where it was always about restriction.

Now, I can tell you my own personal story.

My mother would always make statements like, well, we

don't have that kind of money.

Well, we can't do that kind of thing.

Well, if you learn, that's what you learned as a kid.

If you, if you grew up in that atmosphere.

You're gonna see any of these conversations as something being

totally restrictive, and that is not going to be beneficial.

Another thing I'm gonna highly recommend that you do is identify

shared values, not just shared expenses.

I. Think about things like, what do you both deeply value?

What is it that you both have a deep value in?

Maybe for you and, and, and your spouse, it's security.

Maybe it's generosity.

Maybe you both enjoy travel or, or, or maybe it's for the

future education of your kids.

And see when you can connect financial decisions to shared values.

It becomes less about my money versus your money and more about our

money working for our life together.

This is a powerful shift that would really help you in the long run.

Nothing I'm gonna recommend that you do is consider separate but equal.

Spending money, sometimes having a small amount of what I call no

questioned, ask money for each spouse can alleviate this tension.

This allows for individual spending preferences without impacting the

joint budget or causing resentment.

It's a way to honor individual desires while still working towards

those shared financial goals.

And I see a lot of couples that are very effective with this.

You know, you look at your total budget.

And let's just say you've got an extra a hundred dollars after your

budget, well, then you say, look, we're gonna be fair with each other.

We're each gonna have what we'll call our $50 fund money.

That's a no question.

Ask money.

You just say, here's your $50, here's my $50.

Maybe you put it in a separate account so that there's no question about is

that gonna impact the overall finances.

But then you don't ask about it.

You don't say, well, where did you spend your $50?

Well, where did you spend your $50?

Then you're gonna be back in that defensiveness.

So that was the first question we got.

I think it was a great question.

You know what if I live below my means but my spouse doesn't?

The goal, the whole thing here, big takeaway for this question is

figure out a way to make it work.

The key is communications.

Well, let's look at our second question and another one that came

in we heard a lot is, how do I keep going when I fall off track?

And lemme just tell you, friend, lemme just say this.

This is, this is a tough one, but the thing you need to

understand from the beginning.

Falling off track doesn't mean failure.

It just means you're human.

And if you're human, guess what?

You're gonna fall off track.

You're gonna make mistakes.

This journey is not about perfection, it's just not.

It's about direction.

And see every single person, including me, I've done it myself, we've all

slipped up on our financial journey.

The key isn't to never fall.

You are going to fall.

I remember when I first started roller skating and I was

never good at roller skating.

My wife, she's pretty good at that, but not me.

I just had the anticipation that I'm going to fall, but the key was getting back up.

Know how to get back on track and how to get back up.

I. If you overspent last weekend, today's a fresh start.

I, I recorded a YouTube short the other day about this.

Every morning is a new start, a new chance to start off with a fresh slate.

God's mercies are new every morning.

Talks about that in scripture time and time again.

And so are your financial opportunities.

You don't need to fix everything at once.

You just need to keep moving forward.

So many times we allow shame or or guilt to paralyze us.

Well, I wanted to share a few practical things to help you get back on track

when that happens, because guess what, again, if you're hearing me, it's going.

Two happen sometimes.

The first thing I'm gonna recommend you do is set a restart date.

Maybe you circle it on the calendar to recommit.

You know, you say, Hey, we've really gone off the wagon here, starting on the first

of the month, or, and I'm gonna recommend you don't do the first of the month,

because then every month you're gonna say, oh, you know, it's the 10th of the month,

eh, we'll start it again next month.

Maybe starting in a day or two.

Circle it, put it on the calendar.

Say This is our recommitment date, this is gonna be our restart date.

And this gives you a fresh mental start without dwelling on past slipups, you're

saying, Hey, this is a fresh start.

We're not gonna talk about what happened last week.

We're not gonna talk about what happened last month.

But think of it like hitting a reset button.

I remember when I was a kid playing video games, you know, if you really

got in your, and, and you know, you lost all your lives in the different,

I remember Asteroids is one I wanted play and I'm dating myself now, but

Asteroids is one of those things where, you know, you'll add so many

lives and then you know you were done.

Well, the thing is, life doesn't work like that.

So you can have this reset button, have that restart date.

And like I said, maybe it's the first of a month or the first day of the week.

I don't recommend the first day of the month because it's so easy then

to say, well, I'll just put it off.

Maybe say, look, starting on Monday or back on this.

I know I've done that with my own diet.

There's been times over a week and I was like, man, I ate way too much, but just

get back on track and restart that and do it Monday or, or it may maybe just

say, look, right now I'm gonna start.

Maybe for you.

That's the best way to do it.

I'm not gonna wait for tomorrow.

I'm gonna start right now.

Yes.

I'm gonna put the past behind me.

'cause you can't sit there and dwell on the past.

It will drive you crazy.

And you'll, you'll live in that feeling of overwhelm.

You'll, you'll live in that feeling of just complete failure.

There's grace.

But see if you, if you set yourself up this restart date, that's it.

A mental marker.

It helps you shift your mindset forward.

Another thing I'm gonna recommend you do is stop punishing yourself.

Just don't punish yourself.

Start to reflect on what triggered that slip, what caused it.

You gotta understand why you fell off the track because

it's gonna help you prevent it.

The next time.

Ask yourself questions like, was it stress after a long day at work?

Maybe there's a specific store or online ad. You know, one of the

things that I recommend people do is unsubscribe to those emails from

different places that you do business.

'cause it's real easy, you know, you got a couple extra minutes, you grab your

phone, you're checking your phone, and next thing you go, you get a pop-up email.

And I'm not picking on anybody, but let's say Kohl's or Target or Walmart.

Like, whoa, this looks really good.

Well, if that is an issue for you.

Maybe one of the best things you can do is unsubscribe to that.

But ask yourself, you know, what was it that caused that?

Was it a specific store?

Was it an online ad?

A lot of times, in this case, it's emotional spending.

Maybe you're going through a difficult situation.

Well, if you can identify those triggers, if you can identify them,

it allows you to create strategies to avoid or manage them in the future.

And the big takeaway from right here is self-awareness is the key here.

Not self condemnation.

Don't beat yourself up.

'cause guess what?

Like I said at the beginning, you are going to make mistakes, but be

aware of what caused them, which leads me right to the next thing.

And that's focus on your why.

When you have those slipups, when you feel like you're failing, focus on your why.

Look at your vision of freedom and peace.

You know, if you listen to this show, I talk about this all the time, you

know, you gotta build out that why.

Remind yourself of your ultimate goals to regain that motivation.

And if you don't have them, this could be the reason that you're slipping up.

You've got to set yourself with goals, financial goals of where you wanna be.

Ask yourself, why are you doing this?

Maybe for you it's to reduce debt.

Maybe it's to save for a home.

A lot of people are doing that.

I'm gonna be talking about that on the show here in the next week or two.

Maybe for you, it's building a legacy.

You wanna make sure you lease something for your kids or your

grandkids or, or something that's important to you like that.

Or maybe for you it's to have more margin for generosity.

Maybe you're one of these people that wants to give more to your church or

support missionaries, whatever that looks like for you, but understand

your why and when you can connect those daily choices back to that bigger

picture, those bigger whys, it provides the fuel to keep going even when it's

hard and, and sometimes this is hard.

You know, put a picture of that why on your refrigerator or on your

computer background, or maybe put a a a three by five index card it.

Write down all your whys.

That way when you feel that stress or that pressure to go spend, or maybe you're,

you're not gonna brown bag it today.

You're gonna go out to lunch and you're gonna spend some money, you're

gonna do some emotional spending.

If you can look at that piece of paper, maybe you look at your

refrigerator or your computer monitor and say, well, that's my why.

You know, maybe you've got a picture of your child up there and you want your

child to go to a good college, or maybe you've got this, this idea that you wanna

stop renting and you wanna buy a house.

That's your why.

That can be huge.

Another thing I'm gonna recommend that you do is review your budget.

Don't abandon it.

It's real easy.

Talked about this actually in the show that'll come out next week.

Review your budget.

Don't just say, oh, you know what, I can never budget.

I can't do this.

I, I give up Ralph.

Don't abandon it.

A slip doesn't mean your budget is useless.

So many people fall into that trap.

They get away from their budget.

Oh, I'm just gonna give up.

You know, I, I'm not good with money.

I hear that all the time.

I'm not good with money.

That's your choice.

And I might be controversial to say that, but it is your choice

if you wanna be good with money.

Now it might mean that your budget needs to, needs to have an adjustment.

You know, budgets aren't meant to be created.

Like I, I picture Moses going up on, on, on the mountain to get

these tablets and, and they're these huge tablets and they're engraved.

Well, budget doesn't work like that.

A budget is a living document.

You know, take a look at where you overspent.

Maybe your budget was too restrictive.

Maybe it wasn't realistic.

Maybe for you, an unexpected expense came up.

And you've got to learn to adapt your plan to take, you know,

those things into consideration.

Just, just don't throw it out.

Your budget, like I said, is a living document.

It's not some rigid rule book.

If you think you're gonna live by a rigid rule book, you are

going to struggle with a budget.

Another big thing when you, when you feel like you're falling off track

is to find an accountability partner.

This could be somebody like a trusted friend or maybe a family member or

somebody who's really got it all together when it comes to their finances.

Even maybe a mentor from church, someone that you can check in with who, who

understands your goals, and somebody can offer you encouragement or even maybe

just a gentle nudge when you need it.

See, just knowing someone is there can make a huge difference.

Knowing someone is there to listen can make a huge

difference in staying motivated.

So if you fall off track, set your restart date, stop judging yourself

and realize that you have grace and move on and start fresh again.

Well, let's move on to question number three, and that one

is, this was a great question.

Again, I think these are really good questions and I appreciate

everybody who sent them in.

Is it okay to enjoy money and still be a faithful steward?

Man, I get this all the time.

It's funny, I've been posting a lot of stuff on YouTube and reels and, and I

talk real, and it's funny, I say reels and real, but I talk real about what,

you know, the connection between faith and finance, and this is such a good

question because for a lot of us, and I'm talking about myself in included faith

and finances have been tied up with guilt.

That's the thing about this.

A lot of times we're tied up in knots in guilt.

And there's a, there's a common misconception that being a good

Christian means being poor.

Listen, being a good Christian doesn't mean you have to be poor.

Or there's this misconception that enjoying anything material

is inherently wrong, but that's not what the Bible teaches at all.

Let's talk about, let's get into the word, you know, one of the things

that I wanna encourage you, if you, if you pay attention to this show, is

I'm gonna back it up with scripture.

I talk about financially confident Christian.

Well, to be a Christian, we wanna make sure we're living by scripture.

So let's take a look at this.

First Timothy chapter six, verse 17 tells us that God richly provides us

with everything for our enjoyment.

It says everything for our enjoyment.

Yes.

Enjoy what he gives you.

Just don't worship it.

See, that's, that's the difference.

Craig and I talked about this last week on the show.

You can't worship it.

Money itself isn't evil.

A lot of people get tied up in knots.

Well, you know the root of all evil is money.

No, it's not.

Money itself isn't evil.

It's the love of money.

That's the root of all evil.

That's right from first Timothy chapter six verse 10.

Go check that out.

We are called to be stewards.

We're not called to be hoarders or aesthetics.

We are called to be stewards.

So understand what stewardship means.

See, stewardship means managing God's resources wisely for

his glory and for our good.

We don't serve money, we serve God, but we're allowed to smile when

we use it well, when we use it for good, for our families, for our

wellbeing, and for the kingdom.

That's not just okay, it's commendable.

So, so many people get tied up in knots up at this one.

It's okay to enjoy money, and you can still be a faithful steward.

So I'm gonna give you some, some ways that you can do this.

Here's how you can enjoy it.

Number one thing, budget for joy.

You know, I talk about budgets.

I like to call it an attentional spending plan.

But create FA fun money category that aligns with your goals.

I talked about that a few minutes ago.

This gives you permission to spend without guilt within your plan.

If you set that aside.

You can smile because you've paid your other bills.

You've put aside for tithing, you've put aside for savings.

Everyone, every, all your bills are paid.

Now, I'm not talking about just frivolous spending, but it's intentional enjoyment.

Maybe it's money for a hobby that you really enjoy, maybe a nice meal out.

Maybe you and your spouse like they go for a meal out or a maybe a small treat, and

see when it's allocated in your budget, you've already given yourself permission.

Which reduces any potential for guilt.

Put it into the budget.

It's okay.

Another thing I'm gonna highly recommend you do is practice

gratitude before indulgence.

Now, that's a lot of words.

I actually recorded a reel today that talked all about this.

Ask yourself this.

Is this a blessing or a burden?

See, so many times we buy stuff and it becomes a burden.

It should be a blessing and this helps you to discern a purchase

genuinely brings you joy or is it just some fleeting satisfaction?

See, so many times we get caught up and, and we judge ourselves because truth be

told, and this is an unpopular thing to say, many times we do that because we

are not doing what God asked us to do.

It's some fleeting satisfaction.

I was walking by the cow pasture this morning is gonna sound

like a really silly analogy.

But I'm looking at one of the big cows and he's got his head over top of the water.

And you know what cows need?

They need food and water.

They don't really need, they don't ask for treats.

They don't ask for something special.

And I think we need to, th we gotta think about our lives the same way.

You know, what is bringing us genuine joy?

Or is it just fleeting satisfaction?

I think that's when God convicts our hearts.

So before you click add to Carter or swipe your card.

Pause and consider it.

Is this genuinely going to enhance my life?

Is it gonna bring me closer to God?

Is it going to bless others?

Or is it just a temporary fix for something deeper?

And so many times when we are, when we're out there trying to spend, we're

going after more and more and more.

There's something deeper that's the problem.

Another thing I want you to remember is generosity and joy go hand in hand.

A lot of people don't get that.

But see, given the others, often brings more lasting joy

than spending on ourselves.

Lemme say that again.

Giving to others often brings more lasting joy than spending on ourselves.

A lot of people get hung up on this one.

When we are generous with what God has given us and

remember, he has given it to us.

It's not ours.

It cultivate a heart of abundance and trust.

That's what we need to seek towards.

Otherwise, you're gonna be living in this time of scarcity and fear.

'cause that's what it really comes down to.

Tithing, giving to charity, or even blessing a friend in need.

These acts often bring a deeper, more profound joy than any material possession.

I'm gonna challenge you this week, do that and see how much

of a blessing that is for you.

Nothing I'm gonna recommend.

You know, we're talking about enjoying money, is invest in

experiences, not just things.

See, because often the joy derived from experiences like a family trip,

a concert, a class to learn a new skill they last so much longer and

create more meaningful memories than simply acquiring more possessions.

It's just true.

Once you don't remember the stuff that you bought, the little odds and ends,

but you remember that family vacation, or you remember that time when you got

together around Christmas or Easter, whatever that looked like for your family.

Many times these investments often align better with a stewardship

mindset as they enrich your life and they enrich relationships in life.

I had a pastor once say this to me, and he was so right on about this.

He says, Ralph, it's all about relationships.

So invest in those experiences.

Invest in those relationships.

Another thing I'm gonna highly encourage you to do is celebrate your

progress towards financial freedom.

As you pay off debt, build savings, or reach financial

milestones, take time to celebrate.

This celebration isn't about being wasteful, but it's about

acknowledging God's faithfulness and your diligent stewardship.

Abraham forces the positive aspects of your journey.

So to answer your question, is it okay to enjoy money and

still be a faithful steward?

Absolutely.

Well, let's move on to question number four, and that is, what

if my income is irregular?

How do I plan?

And we kind of talked about this the last couple weeks.

I'm not gonna spend a lot of time on this, but this one hits

home for so many entrepreneurs.

A lot of people check into my show who are small business owners, or

maybe you're a gig worker or you're a seasonal employee or a freelancer.

Like I said, small business owners.

It can feel like you're constantly on a financial rollercoaster with

unpredictable highs and lows, and you never know where you're going to end up.

But irregular income doesn't mean you can't be intentional.

You can still be intentional.

It just means that you need to be a little bit more flexible,

a little bit more disciplinened.

See, that's the thing.

You gotta understand if you've got irregular income, you're gonna need to

be more disciplined than the people who have standard, you know, routine income.

But here's the rule, build your plan based on your average low

month, not your best month.

So many people say, well, you know, I had a really good month, Ralph,

so I'm gonna expand that budget.

I'm gonna go buy that car, I'm gonna buy that bigger house.

But they haven't thought about that one, that that month

when it's a little bit lower.

See then when the good months hit, that's margin.

It's not magic.

If you live in that average low month, when you have a good

month, hey, that's extra money.

That extra income isn't for immediate spending.

It's for creating that buffer.

I. And building financial stability.

It's about being proactive in your planning, not

reactive, trying to scramble.

So I wanted to share with you just a couple of actionable tools that

you can use for irregular income.

The first thing I'm gonna recommend is use what I call a fear, a three

tier budget ready for this one.

And it's really simple to remember.

They are.

You're gonna start with your must haves.

That's what I'm gonna call your survival things.

These are the things you must have to survive.

The next thing I'm going to do, the second category is what I call your should haves.

These are your goals, so we're gonna start with your must haves.

We're gonna go to your should haves, and then we're gonna go to your NICE

to haves, survival goals and extras.

And then you prioritize your spending based on your lowest expected income.

And this helps you identify what absolutely must be covered every month.

That's your survival, regardless of your income.

The should haves are for your financial goals, like debt repayment

or savings or, or, and then the nice to haves are, are just luxuries.

You know, if you're not getting to your nice to haves, I don't know

what to tell you, that's too bad.

And when income is low, you cut those nice to haves first, and then you scale

back on the should haves and you focus on you must haves those survival things.

Another thing that I think really helps in this is create

what I call a holding account.

Save up paychecks before spending this smooths out the peaks and the

valleys giving you a consistent salary from your own funds.

I. Now let's take a little bit of work.

But when a payment comes in, it goes into this holding account or what

some call an income smoothing account.

And then you pay yourself a consistent salary from this

account every week or two.

A lot of realtors do this.

They put that money in account, they just have the same paycheck every week.

And see, this creates this mental shift that helps you create

stability and predictability.

It's another idea, something you might wanna try.

Another thing I'm gonna recommend that you do.

Track your lowest earning three months and then average them to plan wisely.

I'm talking about how to get to that minimum income number that you're

pretty sure you're gonna get to.

And this provides a realistic baseline for your essential budget.

Look back at your income over the last year, what was your absolute lowest month,

and then look at what was the average of your lowest three months, and then you can

use that figure as your baseline for that.

Must have expenses.

What this does, it prevents that overspending when times are good and,

and stress, because that's what, that's what happens when you have a slow month.

When you get that stress, when times are lean.

Another thing, and you're gonna hit me talk about this all the time, it goes rap

again, talking about a mil emergency fund.

Build an emergency fund specifically for income gaps.

I want you to watch out for the show.

I'm gonna be talking about an arc of assurance.

It's a little teaser coming up in a week or so about a show.

I'm gonna be talking about building emergency fund, but I've

taken a different view of it.

So beyond your regular emergency fund for unexpected expenses.

Maybe considering up a consider setting up a separate buffer

for periods of low income.

Now I'm specifically talking about for those people who have irregular

income, you know, and maybe in that fund you aim for three to six months

of your essential expenses saved up.

Those are the survival things.

And then that can significantly reduce that stress during the slower period.

Another thing that I think really helps for people with irregular income is to

automate savings from every paycheck.

So even with your irregular income, try to set up an automatic transfer for

a small percentage, or even if it's a small fixed amount, into your savings.

Whenever you get paid, especially, and hear me on this.

Especially during those higher income months, it's so easy when you have

that, Hey, I had a great month.

Let's go for a trip.

Let's, let's go treat ourselves.

But maybe the best way to treat yourself is to put that money in

that savings account so that when you have that month that's not so great.

You don't scramble, you don't find yourself in that stress because this

will help build that buffer without having to manually remember to do it.

So, set up those automated things and listen, it is not easy.

If your income is irregular to do this, you've gotta be more intentional.

And yes, like I said, you've gotta be more disciplined in

doing it, but you can do it.

There are many, many people who live this way.

It just takes a little bit of planning and it takes a little bit of discipline.

Well, let's move on to question number five, and we're gonna be talking

about a parenting question here, and I loved it when I saw this question

came in from a couple different people.

I love this question.

It says this.

It says, how do I teach my kids these principles without shaming them?

And this one hits close to home for me because my mother's passed

away now it was two years in March and and I miss her dearly.

But one of the things I think that she really did, and I'm not picking on my

mom, but I think she really did kind of shame my sister and I, and that's why

this, this question matters deeply to me because I think so many times we wonder

why our kids struggle with finance.

I was talking to my oldest son on the phone with his wife, I think it was on

Sunday, and we were talking about this, you know, wonder why kids are struggling

financially and look at their parents.

Their parents struggle.

We don't want to pass on financial anxiety to our children.

We also don't want to pass on this sense of scarcity.

What we do want to pass on to our kids is we want to pass on wisdom, we

want to pass on what we've learned.

We want to pass on responsibility, and we want to pass on a

healthy relationship with money.

See, so many times I think we've learned unhealthy habits from our parents, and

I'm not, I'm not blaming your parents.

Because if you look under the hood, most of them probably had unhealthy, you know,

money, relationships with their parents.

It goes back for generations.

But if we wanna do this right, it's about empowering our children.

It's about empowering them, not shaming them for their desires.

'cause kids are gonna have desires.

Listen, when you were a little kid, what do you want?

You want more stuff.

I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, my kids did the same thing.

But we can work with that.

We can empower them.

We don't need to shame them.

They're gonna have their desires.

They're kids, they don't know any better.

So let them see you budget, you know, be a model for that.

Let them hear you say things like, we're not buying that today.

Not because of shame, not because we can't, but because

it's not part of our plan.

And little Sally looks, someone goes, mom, we have a plan.

Yes, you have a plan.

I hope.

See this frames choices around intentionality.

It frames choices around planning rather than lack or rather than deprivation.

So many times, kids, that's all they know.

Like my mother consciously say, oh, we don't have that kind of money.

What kind of money do you have?

Because it seems like everybody else got the right kind of money.

But at the same time, let your kids experience the joy

of delayed gratification.

They don't need everything right this minute.

When we can teach 'em, when we, when we can teach 'em that when they

save for something that they truly want and then they purchase it.

That is a huge and powerful lesson.

Model this behavior, talk about it, invite them and wrap it all in grace.

Again, the Lord's given you grace.

You've gotta do the same thing.

Your actions speak louder than words.

Your kids are going to see how you act.

They're going to see what you're doing, and if you have that, those actions, and

then have that open, honest communication, open and honest conversations are crucial.

So I wanna just give you a few actionable ways to raise wise kids.

As if I know what I'm talking about.

But having done this a couple times and worked with a lot

of people, I came up with IZ.

So here's what I wanna recommend you do.

First thing I want you to do, give them a commission chart and

you're thinking, wait a minute, I'm putting my young kids on commission.

Yes, that's what Ralph sing.

Have them earn money for chores, not just an allowance.

One of the things that I hate, I don't say I, I hate a lot of things, but

man chores earn a commission for that.

Not just an allowance.

I think so many times we break the benefit of this when we say to our

kids, well, yeah, here's your allowance.

You do absolutely nothing.

You're gonna get this.

That's insane.

But give them a commission chart that they can earn money for

chores, not just an allowance.

Now you gotta be careful with this one because this can backfire.

I, I speak from experience my, my youngest child, I never forget, we started

talking about this commission thing.

Next thing you know, he presented his mother and I with what he called

his menu services for his mother and I, we got very good and he got

very good at pricing his services.

Things like, Hey, you know, I'll take, I'll do this and I'll do that, and I'll,

and he is, he does a list of services like, what do you want on the menu?

But seriously.

This teaches them the value of work.

It teaches them the value of earnings, and it helps them connect

effort to reward rather than just receiving money passively.

And you're in the driver's seat for the, you determine the

task and you pay for each one.

If they don't do it, they don't get paid.

It's that simple.

They want to go to the movies, they want to go do this.

They want the latest iPhone, whatever that looks like.

Here's your commission path of how to get there.

And then you gotta train them.

You gotta show 'em how to do this.

Help them divide money into give, save, and spend jars.

I talked about this on the show a couple months ago.

Understand how to, how to create and, and you can start with toddlers, with this.

Give them three jars, a give jar, a save jar, and a spend jar.

Here's what you're gonna give.

Here's what you're gonna save and here's what you're gonna spend.

But again, you've gotta model this behavior.

You've gotta show them, sit down on the floor with them, put these jars, get

some coins in, and make a game of this.

'cause this instills principles of generosity.

It instills principles of delayed gratification.

And it, and it does responsible spending from a young age.

See when they have those physical jars and see the money grow.

It makes these abstract concepts tangible and you can encourage 'em

to pick a charity for the gift jar.

A a big goal for the save jar and a small ones for the spend jar.

You know, encourage them of how they wanna do it.

Another thing I'm gonna tell you do, and I'm gonna say to do this when

they're at the age that they can understand you this a real young kids,

but talk about your wins and failures.

Make money, talk normal.

Have open communication about money because it removes that shame and it

removes that mystery Share how you saved for something, or maybe how you

made a mistake and you learned from it.

'cause that's gonna show them that money management is a journey,

not something to be perfect at.

And that learning, that learning is part of the process.

Another thing I highly encourage you to do is involve them in age appropriate

financial decisions for older kids.

Let them help plan a family budget for a specific event, maybe like

a vacation or a birthday party.

Give them a fixed amount and let them research costs and make choices.

They're gonna do this as adults if we don't let 'em do

it when they're growing up.

How do you think they're gonna make these decisions when they're old

to be able to make those decisions?

'cause this is gonna give them practical experience and a sense of ownership.

It's so important that you do that.

And one of the other things I think you absolutely need to teach

your children is teach them the difference between needs and wants.

See, because kids are going to already assume that these are needs.

Well, I need this.

I remember coming home to my mom and you know, I need this.

My friend at school has this, mom, I gotta get this.

This is a need.

And, and you of course in my charisma, we don't have that kind of money.

So far me, it's always ones, but, but this fundamental lesson is crucial and you

can use everyday examples to explain it.

While we need food and we need shelter, we want that new video game.

Or like, if it was me, you know, I want that trendy outfit.

Those are the difference between needs and wants.

And see this helps them prioritize and understand responsible

spending because that's the goal.

You know, if you wanna teach your kids anything, teach them to prioritize

needs versus once and understand responsible spending, and you've

gotta model it and you've got to let them be involved in the process.

I have parents come and say, my teenage kids can't manage anything.

I said, well, what, what do they manage?

Well, we handle everything well.

There's your problem if you give your kid your, your, your credit card and say,

Hey, order what you want from DoorDash.

What do you think they're gonna do when they're adults?

If they're gonna order what they want from DoorDash and they're just gonna

assume the ferry's gonna pay the credit card bill, it's not gonna work like that.

We don't live in ferry land.

This is the time when you can make a direct impact on that generation,

and then you won't have kids that are growing up with financial illiteracy.

I see it so often and it is a complete tragedy, and the biggest

part of it is completely avoidable.

Well, let's move on to our sixth and final question.

This question I thought was a great way to end the show.

We're not quite done yet, but this is the last question of the show.

And is it wrong to tithe when I'm in debt?

Now, I'm gonna start by telling you this is what I'm gonna call tender

ground, and I'll start by saying this.

There is no shame here.

This question comes from a genuine desire to honor God and also be

responsible with your finances.

See a lot of people here go, what?

What is this person crazy?

If you can't pay your bills, why in the world are you gonna suggest a tithe

and see many people wrestle with this and there are varying perspectives

within the Christian community on this.

There, there just are.

And depending on who you talk to, they're gonna have a different belief on this.

But here's my belief, and this is what speaks for Ralph, I believe giving

is about the heart, not the math.

Lemme say that again.

I believe that giving is about the heart, not the math.

See, it's not about the percentage, it's just not, it's about putting God first.

So to answer your question right from the jump, is it

wrong to tithe when I'm in debt?

No.

It's your obligation to, even if it's just $10 from your paycheck, even if

it's just a dollar from your paycheck.

If it's your first $10, you're tithing.

If it's your first dollar, you're tithing.

It's about cultivating a spirit of generosity and cultivating a

spirit of trust in God's provision, even when resources feel scarce.

So I'm gonna say, listen, that's probably the best time to do it

when those resources feel scarce.

See when you put God first in your finances, regardless of your debt,

regardless of your financial situation.

That my friends is an act of faith.

And I truly believe that opens a door for peace, not just provision.

I'm not a prosperity person, I don't believe.

Will you give and it'll be given to, I'm not saying that, but I do truly

believe in my heart that it opens a door for peace, not just provision.

And when we choose to give, we acknowledge that everything we have

comes from God, you gotta start there.

See if you start there.

It makes life so much easier.

It takes away that stress.

It takes away that burden.

It takes away that shame.

And the second part of this is when we acknowledge that everything we have

comes from God, then we trust him to provide for our needs and see that

right there can alleviate financial anxiety and bring a sense of peace.

That numbers alone cannot.

They will never bring them.

So I wanted to share just a couple of additional thoughts

on tithing while you're in debt.

First thing I'm gonna say is prioritize.

God first, if you hear nothing else that I say in this hour long live show,

prioritize God first in your finances.

See, many Christians believe in the principle of first fruits, meaning

you give to God first before paying any bills or, or doing anything else.

This is an act of faith that demonstrates trust in his provision,

even when it feels counterintuitive to your debt repayment goals,

nothing I want you to do is consider your why for tithing.

See if you are tithing outta obligation.

It, it, it, it doesn't make any sense to do it.

if it's out of obligation or out of genuine desire to honor

God and participate in his work, you've gotta make that decision.

When tithing comes from a heart of gratitude and obedience, when it

comes from that place, gratitude, obedience, appreciation, it

transforms it from a financial transaction into an act of worship.

Hear me on that.

It's not about finances at that point, it's an act of worship.

Nothing I'm gonna recommend you do is seek counsel from your church

leaders or trusted mentors in your church community if you're truly

struggling with this decision.

And so many people are, trust me, I got this question a lot.

Talk to your pastor, talk to a wise, financially mature Christian because

they can offer guidance based on biblical principles and practical wisdom that

aligns with your specific situation.

Because listen, everybody's situation is different.

There is no right absolute right or absolute wrong answer.

Everyone's situation is different.

Another thing I'm gonna recommend that you do is trust in God's faithfulness.

Throughout scripture, we see examples of God blessing those who

honor him with their resources.

Now listen, while tithing isn't a get rich quick scheme, you're not

gonna hear me say that I'm not one of these prosperity preaching dudes.

It's not a get rich quick scheme.

It is an act of faith that honors God.

That's the whole point of it.

You're giving back what isn't yours from the beginning.

You are modeling that stewardship behavior.

He cares about your financial wellbeing.

I was just bickering back and forth with somebody to put a

comment on my YouTube channel.

you know, you, you are sinful to talk about faith and finances together.

You know, Jesus was poor.

uh, his disciples were all poor.

But the Bible doesn't talk about God wants you to be poor.

God cares about you.

He cares about your heart, and he cares about your wellbeing.

He cares about your heart for being generous.

So start there.

And if that means you need to tithe, then tithe, I think it's ultimately important.

Another thing I'm gonna encourage you to do is smartsm, start small if you need to.

If a full tithe feels impossible due to overwhelming debt, well then consider

starting with a sacrificial gift.

Hear what I said there.

Sac sacrificial gift.

It's gotta be sacrifice.

But start there.

If it demonstrates your commitment to giving as your financial

situation improves, you can always increase your giving.

And I'm gonna encourage you to increase your giving because what

you're gonna find when you do this, when you have the faith to step out

and give sacrificially, just try it.

You're gonna see what it does.

I've had clients say to me time and time again, Ralph, you encouraged

me and I went out and gave more.

And Ralph, you're never gonna believe what happened.

All of a sudden, I, and I'm not, like I said, I am not a prosperity dude.

That's not what I'm saying.

The goal is the heart behind the giving.

It's not about the exact dollar amount or percentage.

People get hung up on that and tie themselves up in knots.

Well, I'm giving 10%, well, I'm giving 12.

I, I don't care what the percentage is.

What does your heart say?

And listen, if you're in a deep financial hole, figure out a way to get out of it.

But part of that root is figuring out how to get back into connection with

God, and it starts with sacrifice.

Sacrificial, sacrificial giving.

Now.

Big takeaways here.

There's three, three real big lessons that I learned from hosting this

series, and it was really eye-opening.

I really enjoyed every day of it.

So before I close, I just wanna share three things that

I learned hosting this series.

'cause I think they, they are very profitable in the things that I learned.

Number one thing, people crave grace around money.

People don't crave spreadsheets, they don't crave shame.

They just want grace.

So many people carry a heavy burden of financial guilt or fear.

They just do.

They're looking for a path to freedom that doesn't involve

constant self condemnation.

They've already been there, they've already done that.

And when you understand, this helps us approach our finances

from a place of compassion.

And listen to me, if you hear nothing else I say today, we've got to come to from

a place of compassion, not condemnation.

We've all made mistakes.

We've all done things that are dumb.

I am a financial professional and I make financial mistakes.

See, it's about recognizing that God's grace extends to every area of our

lives, including and hear me on this one, including our bank accounts.

His grace extends to all of it.

So stop condemning yourself.

Start today fresh.

You can start right now.

I don't care what happened this morning.

I don't care what happened last week.

I don't care if you lost your house in bankruptcy.

None of that matters.

His grace is sufficient.

Start today and start to build that plan from now.

Second big takeaway, and I was actually surprised by this one.

Prayer changes, budgeting.

And again, I got some hate mail on this one, but I'm okay.

I'm thick skinned.

Prayer changes budging when we invite God into our decisions, even the

hard ones, and listen, sometimes financial decisions are the hard ones.

When we invite God into our decisions, even the hard ones, everything shifts.

It just does.

It's about surrendering control and trusting his guidance.

And like I said, I received some hate mail about how dare I speak about

money And God, I got more hate mail about that one than ever, which tells

me that I'm on the right course.

See, because the other one, the devil, he doesn't wanna hear about this.

It's okay to speak about money and God, that's the whole point.

Our finances are deeply spiritual when we pray over our budget.

When we pray over our spending, when we pray over our income and we pray

over our debt, guess what we're doing?

We're inviting God's wisdom and peace into those areas.

It's not just about managing numbers, it's about managing resources with God

as our ultimate provider and our guide.

So don't forget about prayer.

And the third big takeaway, small steps matter more than big intentions.

You don't need a perfect plan.

You just need to take your next faithful step.

See, consistency in small actionable steps leads to significant progress.

Don't wait for the perfect moment or the perfect strategy.

Just take that one small step.

Today, I. Whether it's tracking your spending for a day, just do it for a day.

That's fine.

Do it.

Setting up a small automatic savings transfer or having that difficult

conversation with your spouse that we talked about earlier, those consistent

small steps build momentum and that momentum can lead to real lasting change.

Well, if this hour helped you, I wanna share something with you.

That I think can really help you.

For the first 100 listeners to go to financially confident

christian.com/master, I'm giving away a free copy of my

book that's here on the screen.

It's called Mastering Your Finance.

It's just 47 pages, but it's the perfect next step on your journey.

So grab it.

It's yours, it's free.

That's again@financiallyconfidentchristian.com

slash master.

Well, how about we pray together?

Let's close this time together in prayer.

Father, God, thank you for every listener and thank you for every

question that was asked today.

Thank you for the progress they're making.

Even if it's still messy.

think the Lord loves messes even in if they fell behind.

Lord, we just ask that you'd help us to trust you, to surrender, to control,

and to walk by faith in our finances.

Lord, I just ask you to help the person watching or listening

today, who feels afraid?

Who feels discouraged?

Lord, meet them with your peace.

Help the ones who feel ashamed.

Meet them with your grace.

And for all of us, Lord, just teach us how to live wisely, how to live generously,

and how to live with joy below our means.

And we ask this with confidence.

Jesus name.

Well, let's all go out there and be financially confident

Christians, you can do this.

I have confidence in you.

Have confidence in yourself, and I just encourage you, stay

financially savvy and God bless you and you have a great day today.