VOICEOVER:

[Theme Song]

Chelsey Donn:

Hello

Trey Gerrald:

Well, hello, Welcome to Review That Review!

Trey Gerrald:

The podcast dedicated to reviewing

Chelsey Donn:

reviews.

Chelsey Donn:

We're just like Siskel and Ebert only instead of reviewing cinematic, masterpieces, we

Trey Gerrald:

that's Chelsey Donn,

Chelsey Donn:

And that's Trey Gerrald.

Trey Gerrald:

and together we are.

VOICEOVER:

The Review Queens!

Trey Gerrald:

And if you want to support the show while getting bonus and exclusive content,

Trey Gerrald:

How's your week going?

Chelsey Donn:

my week is going, I was a little bit under the weather.

Chelsey Donn:

I'm just coming out of that.

Chelsey Donn:

So that's an exciting new chapter, hopefully.

Chelsey Donn:

How was your week?

Trey Gerrald:

You know, I'm having a good week.

Trey Gerrald:

I love, February and a Groundhog's day and all of that such, uh, also my dad's birthday is next.

Trey Gerrald:

Yes, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was an interesting musical.

Trey Gerrald:

Actually.

Trey Gerrald:

I actually, David and I enjoyed Groundhog's day the musical, but a

Chelsey Donn:

I actually asked my mom a couple of weeks ago, like, what's your favorite movie?

Chelsey Donn:

And she said, groundhogs Day.

Trey Gerrald:

Well, you can imagine in the musical, there's like a sequence where he like

Trey Gerrald:

So that was like a very cool theatrical to see that onstage live over.

Trey Gerrald:

And like back to back, it was like a magic show, but my week is good.

Trey Gerrald:

My dad's birthday is

Chelsey Donn:

the, I love the walking into the puddle part.

Chelsey Donn:

Sorry.

Chelsey Donn:

I love the puddle part.

Trey Gerrald:

I don't know if that's in the musical.

Trey Gerrald:

I've never seen the movie.

Chelsey Donn:

You've never seen the movie.

Chelsey Donn:

Get the hell out of here.

Chelsey Donn:

You're getting

Trey Gerrald:

no Bill Murray?

Chelsey Donn:

Yep.

Chelsey Donn:

Bill Murray, Andie MacDowell.

Chelsey Donn:

That guy that's in Schitt's Creek.

Chelsey Donn:

Rolling.

Chelsey Donn:

Shit's

Trey Gerrald:

Oh,

Chelsey Donn:

rolling.

Trey Gerrald:

what's that guy's

Chelsey Donn:

his name.

Trey Gerrald:

Use my strong.

Trey Gerrald:

And do you know what that was?

Chelsey Donn:

What wait.

Chelsey Donn:

Oh, you, I don't know.

Chelsey Donn:

Is that mean a scary movie?

Trey Gerrald:

It might be the second.

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah.

Chelsey Donn:

Scary movie tale when he has like the little, yeah.

Chelsey Donn:

Anyway, it's like Groundhog's day here at Review That Review because once again, another

Chelsey Donn:

We are going to.

VOICEOVER:

Lodge A Complaint!

Trey Gerrald:

All right.

Trey Gerrald:

So this week I am going to lodge a complaint against something that I'm currently at this

Chelsey Donn:

Okay.

Trey Gerrald:

I'm going to lodge a complaint against biting the inside of your mouth

Trey Gerrald:

Yup.

Trey Gerrald:

It's like, not even the lab, it's like the bottom of the lip.

Trey Gerrald:

And so I feel like it's causing me to speak in a funny, different way.

Trey Gerrald:

Cause I'm trying to not rub against it.

Trey Gerrald:

I'm calling that into attention in case anyone is like, what's going on with trey's lisp today.

Trey Gerrald:

But I really want to lodge a complaint against accidentally biting the inside of your mouth.

Trey Gerrald:

And it's embarrassing, but it's usually what I'm really enjoying,

Chelsey Donn:

no.

Trey Gerrald:

Oh God.

Trey Gerrald:

Anyway, it's very humiliating.

Trey Gerrald:

It's very painful.

Trey Gerrald:

Um, and then you have to suffer for a few days after assets recovering.

Trey Gerrald:

And it's a constant reminder and people are like, are you, are you talking weird?

Trey Gerrald:

And it's like, oh yeah.

Trey Gerrald:

Because like, I bit myself, I'm a

Chelsey Donn:

then, and then if you like bite it again, like you like reactivate the wound,

Trey Gerrald:

Have you ever done that?

Chelsey Donn:

Yes, I have.

Chelsey Donn:

Course of course I have, I do have a little bit of a Trek that could

Chelsey Donn:

I like, I mean, and I'm almost like nervous to say it on the podcast because I'm like,

Chelsey Donn:

So that there's none left for me.

Chelsey Donn:

But like I swear by a hydrogen peroxide mouthwash, like it is a game changer.

Chelsey Donn:

And like, if you just rinse with that for a few days, couple times a day, it will heal

Chelsey Donn:

So

Trey Gerrald:

going to try that because that is what hydrogen peroxide was originally used as

Trey Gerrald:

Cause it's so like chemical-y but all right.

Trey Gerrald:

That's a good, I'm going to write that down.

Chelsey Donn:

yeah.

Chelsey Donn:

Write it down, write it down.

Chelsey Donn:

Don't forget.

Trey Gerrald:

So that's my complaint.

Trey Gerrald:

Moving on

Trey Gerrald:

Chelsey.

Trey Gerrald:

What do you want to complain about?

Chelsey Donn:

I can't remember if I complained about this in a rehearsal

Chelsey Donn:

It still sounds.

Chelsey Donn:

So I'm going to complain again with the whole idea of repetition hold music.

Chelsey Donn:

I can't, I just can't do it.

Chelsey Donn:

I want to know who's responsible for this.

Chelsey Donn:

And I want to know why we haven't changed it.

Chelsey Donn:

I actually appreciate when I call somewhere and they're like, the

Chelsey Donn:

Do you want us to call you back in two hours?

Chelsey Donn:

I actually liked that because I'm like, yeah, call me back.

Chelsey Donn:

Because if you want me to arrive at a customer service person as my

Chelsey Donn:

If I'm listening to.

Chelsey Donn:

Repeat of some, like, I don't know, Beethoven Sonata, or just like a message.

Chelsey Donn:

That's just like, thank you for calling.

Chelsey Donn:

Some of them will be with you shortly.

Chelsey Donn:

We really appreciate your patience as you hold.

Chelsey Donn:

And then when you've heard that same exact message, like a hundred times,

Trey Gerrald:

I agree there, the cyclical ness of the recordings, when that becomes transparent.

Trey Gerrald:

That is excrutiatingly maddening.

Chelsey Donn:

That's some form of hell, which is why the callback, we should just

Trey Gerrald:

I wonder who invented that?

Trey Gerrald:

That's such a genius.

Trey Gerrald:

That should be a, My Royal Highness.

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah.

Chelsey Donn:

Oh, true.

Chelsey Donn:

Oh, always going to exercise that option, you know,

Trey Gerrald:

Agreed.

Trey Gerrald:

All right.

Trey Gerrald:

Well, that was fun.

Trey Gerrald:

So should we take all of this and jump into some online reviews?

Trey Gerrald:

Chels

Chelsey Donn:

Please as you know, we are your trustee Review!

Chelsey Donn:

Queens.

Chelsey Donn:

We each bring in a review from the internet that we feel needs to be inspected.

Trey Gerrald:

we read you the Review!.

Trey Gerrald:

We break it down and rate the impact of the review on a scale from one to five crowns.

Trey Gerrald:

It is a very Regal process that.

VOICEOVER:

Assess that kvetch

Trey Gerrald:

And Chelsey girl, your first today,

Chelsey Donn:

I am.

Trey Gerrald:

woop, take it away.

Trey Gerrald:

RQ.

VOICEOVER:

Review That Review.

Chelsey Donn:

All right.

Chelsey Donn:

Okay.

Chelsey Donn:

So first off the bat, you guys, I just want to say that this is going to be a long one.

Chelsey Donn:

So go ahead and buckle into whatever it is that you're sitting on, because Um, this Review!

Chelsey Donn:

is an Amazon review for a product with one of the titles that infuriates me.

Chelsey Donn:

So let's, let's, uh, get started.

Chelsey Donn:

It is Key Finder, Esky 80 D B R F item locator with 131 feet working range wireless

VOICEOVER:

Supercalifragilistic XB.

Chelsey Donn:

Oh, yes.

Chelsey Donn:

Yes, it is.

Chelsey Donn:

It is one of those like, fob things that you put on your keys or whatever it is that

Chelsey Donn:

It'll like ding for you or whatever.

Trey Gerrald:

Got it.

Chelsey Donn:

and that's what it is.

Chelsey Donn:

So this Review!

Chelsey Donn:

is actually a five star review.

Chelsey Donn:

This is written by LisaInSeattle.

Chelsey Donn:

It is a five star review verified purchase.

Trey Gerrald:

that's the username, Lisa in

Trey Gerrald:

Seattle.

Chelsey Donn:

is the username.

Chelsey Donn:

I feel a lot of Lisas on this show for some reason, Do we?

Chelsey Donn:

"Oy Lisa."

Trey Gerrald:

Hi, Lisa.

Trey Gerrald:

Right.

Chelsey Donn:

I, I leased that.

Chelsey Donn:

Right.

Chelsey Donn:

Okay.

Chelsey Donn:

So the title of this Review!

Chelsey Donn:

is tortoise adventures.

Chelsey Donn:

And then in parentheses, it says with poetry,

Trey Gerrald:

What?,

Chelsey Donn:

Get ready.

Chelsey Donn:

There once was a tortoise, her friends call her Clyde.

Chelsey Donn:

She likes to go wandering and then likes to hide.

Trey Gerrald:

No.

Chelsey Donn:

A remote little corner.

Chelsey Donn:

A tortoise-size nook,

Chelsey Donn:

maybe under the dresser or nestled with books.

Chelsey Donn:

The darker, the better, a good place to snooze,

Chelsey Donn:

all quiet and comfy is where she will choose.

Chelsey Donn:

It's all well and good till it's time to come home.

Chelsey Donn:

You think I could find her, but this time, heck no.

Chelsey Donn:

Will she come when called?

Chelsey Donn:

She's a tortoise, so no.

Chelsey Donn:

Will she make any noise?

Chelsey Donn:

She never has.

Chelsey Donn:

It's the boys that tend to make noise and then under very special circumstances.

Chelsey Donn:

Will she snooze for, well she's snooze for the better part of three or four days or more

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah.

Chelsey Donn:

So given the above, after a couple of cursory searches, did I then crawl around on my hands

Chelsey Donn:

Yes.

Chelsey Donn:

Twice?!

Chelsey Donn:

Yes.

Chelsey Donn:

The second time did I break out my professional grade knee pads?

Chelsey Donn:

Because nobody over the age of 12 should be crawling around on hardwood floors.

Chelsey Donn:

AKA, I'm too old for this crap.

Chelsey Donn:

Yes.

Chelsey Donn:

Did I spend a restless night dreaming of turtle, gobbling house coyotes, and turtle size holes

Chelsey Donn:

Yet she owes me big for that.

Chelsey Donn:

The next morning, did I begin to methodically tear up my house?

Chelsey Donn:

Moving every piece of furniture that she could conceivably hide behind looking in

Chelsey Donn:

Why?

Chelsey Donn:

Yes.

Chelsey Donn:

Yes I did.

Chelsey Donn:

And thanks for asking.

Chelsey Donn:

Did I drag out the vacuum cleaner because OMG, it's astonishing.

Chelsey Donn:

How much dust accumulates under there?

Trey Gerrald:

No.

Chelsey Donn:

Sigh.

Chelsey Donn:

Yes.

Chelsey Donn:

Halfway through.

Chelsey Donn:

Did I enlist the assistance of a highly amused friend?

Chelsey Donn:

Yes, highly amused.

Chelsey Donn:

And did we find the errand tortoise five minutes later in the very next closet?

Chelsey Donn:

Of course we did the same closet that I had looked in three times already, at least three times.

Chelsey Donn:

Do I have any clue how she got in there?

Chelsey Donn:

Because I don't remember that particular door being open at any point the day before.

Chelsey Donn:

Nope.

Chelsey Donn:

Still no idea.

Chelsey Donn:

Do I absolutely love this product?

Chelsey Donn:

Seriously?

Chelsey Donn:

At this point, do you have to ask?

Chelsey Donn:

Yes.

Chelsey Donn:

I highly recommend this product.

Chelsey Donn:

Especially for anyone with a small house, roaming, tortoise.

PS:

right...

PS:

the actual Review!

PS:

I like this product because it's small and light enough not to bother the tortoise.

PS:

You can replace the battery.

PS:

And there are four fobs in case she gets another friend or three.

PS:

Her current friend has exactly two hiding places.

PS:

And I know them both.

PS:

I also liked that.

PS:

Base oriented and not app oriented apps can get updated past the phones OS.

PS:

Get deprecated or otherwise just go away.

PS:

EG the company gets bought and tanked by a competitor.

PS:

This thing worked day one and will work after the zombie apocalypse takes out the internets.

P P S:

kiddies don't use anything permanent to attach no glue or

P P S:

Your tortoise can definitely feel it, her shells a lot like your fingernail and

P P S:

I use low adhesive masking tape, then stuck it to my sweatshirt once or twice for good measure.

P P S:

Worked like a champ.

P P S:

P P P S.

P P S:

Her name is P P P P S.

P P S:

Her name isn't really Clyde, but I'm claiming poetic license.

P P S:

I am an Amazon reviewer, not the poet Laureate.

P P S:

Oh man.

P P S:

Yeah.

P P S:

Yeah.

P P S:

Trey.

P P S:

I've never seen you speechless before.

Trey Gerrald:

I am so repulsed.

Chelsey Donn:

like she took all the words.

Chelsey Donn:

You have none.

Chelsey Donn:

Talk to me.

Trey Gerrald:

First of all,

Chelsey Donn:

Yes.

Trey Gerrald:

I actually really liked the name Clyde, especially for a female.

Trey Gerrald:

I think that's like very cute.

Chelsey Donn:

But LisaInSeattle was lying to us the whole time.

Trey Gerrald:

What do you think its real name as like Michelle.

Chelsey Donn:

Oh, God, there's so many weird things about this.

Chelsey Donn:

Review!

Chelsey Donn:

that's just like One, but take us in.

Trey Gerrald:

Okay.

Trey Gerrald:

So first of all, I can't even get over the fact that you would put a GPS tracker on a live animal.

Chelsey Donn:

Oh, by the way, there's a photo of the tortoise with the tracker attached to it,

Chelsey Donn:

And that's like the first that's the photo before the Pelham at, before the, I don't

Trey Gerrald:

there are companies that make dog and cat callers

Chelsey Donn:

Right?

Chelsey Donn:

Sure.

Trey Gerrald:

thing built on the collar that feels more humane than like using masking tape.

Trey Gerrald:

Also question for spelling question though, the M P P S.

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah.

Trey Gerrald:

Is it kitties or kiddies like kids.

Trey Gerrald:

K I D D I E S

Chelsey Donn:

Dee Dee Dee Dee,

Trey Gerrald:

oh, I was so confused.

Trey Gerrald:

I was like, why would you put sticky stuff on a cat?

Trey Gerrald:

I thought we were talking about a tortoise

Chelsey Donn:

No.

Chelsey Donn:

Like she was like, at that point she was being, I was like teacher moment, like kids thinking

Chelsey Donn:

Don't do this.

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah.

Trey Gerrald:

you know, Lisa from Seattle,

Chelsey Donn:

in Seattle, LisaInSeattle

Trey Gerrald:

what I say.

Chelsey Donn:

from

Trey Gerrald:

Oh, wait, is it I N or just a capital N

Chelsey Donn:

I N.

Trey Gerrald:

oh, I actually have that written down.

Trey Gerrald:

I don't know why I said from a, because I I'm thinking of sleepless in Seattle, but

Trey Gerrald:

All right.

Trey Gerrald:

I don't think that I need to ever know when I'm reading or review for a key fob GPS tracker,

Chelsey Donn:

oh my God.

Chelsey Donn:

Try.

Chelsey Donn:

Like, that's just like one of the many things we learned in this Review!

Chelsey Donn:

that are completely unnecessary.

Chelsey Donn:

I mean, literally isolate PS and then Chuck, the rest

Trey Gerrald:

That was going to be

Chelsey Donn:

kill your darlings.

Chelsey Donn:

LisaInSeattle.

Chelsey Donn:

Ain't nobody got time for them.

Trey Gerrald:

I mean, that really occurred to me.

Trey Gerrald:

Like if you have to say quote, P S the actual Review!

Trey Gerrald:

you're doing, you're reviewing wrong.

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah, you're doing much,

Trey Gerrald:

raw.

Trey Gerrald:

It's too much.

Trey Gerrald:

This is wrong.

Chelsey Donn:

it's too much.

Chelsey Donn:

It had potential to be funny.

Chelsey Donn:

Like when I first read it, I was like, if we would've just done the like rhyme joke and

Chelsey Donn:

it might've been like, oh, good for you, LisaInSeattle for trying to be creative.

Chelsey Donn:

But because we went on and on.

Trey Gerrald:

yeah, no, I agree.

Trey Gerrald:

I think like they really lost the humor by going on too long.

Chelsey Donn:

Too long what's with the rhetorical questions.

Trey Gerrald:

So many also, I love that Lisa talks about the search for, for Clyde, who

Chelsey Donn:

Oh, my God.

Chelsey Donn:

So cursory.

Chelsey Donn:

I know, but like you understand this is a five-star review.

Chelsey Donn:

I don't usually bring these in, but when I saw this, I was just like, oh my God, how could I

Trey Gerrald:

No, this is a great selection, you know, I will say, I think that so much

Trey Gerrald:

And just to turn off because they think they're being more clever than they are.

Trey Gerrald:

It's total cringe.

Chelsey Donn:

so cringe the whole time and especially cause they kept

Chelsey Donn:

And you're like, no, LisaInSeattle.

Chelsey Donn:

I don't.

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah.

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah

Trey Gerrald:

But LisaInSeattle does in their first PS at the end, they

Trey Gerrald:

I've never considered the value of a base versus an app that could eventually be

Trey Gerrald:

I've never considered that.

Chelsey Donn:

also like, you know, even the generation above us, it's like, then

Chelsey Donn:

This is easy.

Chelsey Donn:

That's why it's a shame.

Chelsey Donn:

Cause it's like there there's a kernel of truth.

Chelsey Donn:

Once we get to the review of it all.

Trey Gerrald:

But I think you really lose your audience if you're not providing what the

Chelsey Donn:

And also like how far down the PS trained?

Chelsey Donn:

We feel like one can go, like, I don't think I've ever written a P P PS.

Chelsey Donn:

I feel like if you're there again, edit

Trey Gerrald:

Yeah.

Trey Gerrald:

It feels like a note you would write, like in school to your

Chelsey Donn:

like, yeah.

Chelsey Donn:

Like it's very odd how old we think that Lisa is.

Trey Gerrald:

That's an interesting question because that, I don't know.

Trey Gerrald:

I kind of thought they were probably in their forties, but, but I also don't

Chelsey Donn:

well, they do say like I'm too old for this crap,

Trey Gerrald:

oh, you're right.

Chelsey Donn:

they think of themselves as old.

Trey Gerrald:

Yeah, I don't, I don't understand the intention of writing a poem.

Chelsey Donn:

I just think this is someone who God has a lot of time on their hands.

Chelsey Donn:

Maybe took a funny photo, texted it to their friend, Diane in Phoenix.

Chelsey Donn:

And like Diane and Phoenix was like, oh my God, Lisa and Seattle, that's

Chelsey Donn:

You should write a review about it.

Trey Gerrald:

I feel like Lisa and Seattle tortoise is like their personality trait.

Trey Gerrald:

I think they lead with that for.

Trey Gerrald:

I don't think LisaInSeattle spends a lot of time looking in the eyes of the person that

Trey Gerrald:

The value here, I think comes in the PS, but I'm annoyed that it's in the PS.

Trey Gerrald:

I do think that I think LisaInSeattle is being truthful.

Trey Gerrald:

Because I appreciate the salient points they make about the base versus the app.

Trey Gerrald:

And that they, you know, we're able to actually like find their little one and

Trey Gerrald:

I can't even tell it's like, what, who else is buying this for a pet?

Trey Gerrald:

Like what you be buying this for your key chain or to put in your

Chelsey Donn:

Well, what's interesting about that is like 2,249 people have marked this helpful.

Chelsey Donn:

So this is the first Review!

Chelsey Donn:

that you come across.

Chelsey Donn:

If you go to this page and it's my hypothesis, that this is really just a

Chelsey Donn:

that was selling the product saw in their own reviews that the top Review!

Chelsey Donn:

is this tortoise story.

Chelsey Donn:

They added Petfinder to the title.

Chelsey Donn:

Just the hypothesis.

Trey Gerrald:

Oh, was that in the supercalifragilistic

Chelsey Donn:

It was, it was like towards the app, like it was like,

Chelsey Donn:

Like if, if I could see that as a consumer of this product, I'm sure whoever's running this page.

Chelsey Donn:

Looking at the backend knows that their top Review!

Chelsey Donn:

is tortoise adventures with poetry, by Lisa, in Seattle and with a picture of

Chelsey Donn:

And it has so many likes that it's probably like dragging up their ranking.

Chelsey Donn:

So if you can't beat them, join them.

Chelsey Donn:

And then they just added to the title.

Trey Gerrald:

I mean,

Chelsey Donn:

No,

Trey Gerrald:

I, I am ready to crown this, but I want to ask you, cause we didn't

Chelsey Donn:

I just think it's so funny.

Chelsey Donn:

Cause you're like so annoyed by LisaInSeattle that you're like, I'm done.

Chelsey Donn:

I don't want to talk about her anymore.

Chelsey Donn:

Right now.

Chelsey Donn:

I know

Trey Gerrald:

What is the spelling and grammar?

Chelsey Donn:

spelling and grammar is excellent.

Chelsey Donn:

All very good.

Chelsey Donn:

It looks like a very long essay.

Trey Gerrald:

I get that.

Chelsey Donn:

Like it's written, it's broken into paragraphs and stuff.

Trey Gerrald:

Do you know how many paragraphs there are?

Chelsey Donn:

Well, the, the, the poem is four stanzas.

Chelsey Donn:

And then after the bomb, we have 16 paragraphs.

Trey Gerrald:

That's 28 paragraphs in total, LisaInSeattle.

Trey Gerrald:

I'm ready to crown you let's do it.

Trey Gerrald:

All right.

Trey Gerrald:

So Chelsey and I have our own set of one to five crown cards and in an effort to

Chelsey Donn:

Oy Lisa.

VOICEOVER:

The Queens are Tabulating.

Chelsey Donn:

Oh, interesting.

Chelsey Donn:

Trey is holding up two and a half crowds for LisaInSeattle.

Chelsey Donn:

We thought he was like, really not into, and I'm holding up one crown Trey.

Chelsey Donn:

Why two and a half crowns for Lisa and yeah.

Trey Gerrald:

Okay.

Trey Gerrald:

I have to just put aside that I don't think that Lisa's humor as my humor

Chelsey Donn:

Yes.

Trey Gerrald:

I can't negate the fact that Lisa did actually really sell the product to me

Trey Gerrald:

Or it being like bad.

Trey Gerrald:

It actually like is really great.

Trey Gerrald:

I am not sure if like, this is animal abuse to like put this tracker on a torch,

Trey Gerrald:

Very inappropriate.

Trey Gerrald:

I don't know anything about tortoises, but I don't know.

Trey Gerrald:

I just, I said two and a half because there is some valuable information.

Trey Gerrald:

I appreciate Lisa, you know, not taking life too seriously and wanting to be clever and cute.

Trey Gerrald:

But if you have a 20 paragraph Review!

Trey Gerrald:

girl, you need to edit.

Trey Gerrald:

You need to like, like you said, trim the fat, kill your darlings.

Trey Gerrald:

Come on.

Trey Gerrald:

Who do you think wants to sit and read?

Trey Gerrald:

Uh, 20 paragraph.

Trey Gerrald:

Anything if they're not reading reader's digest.

Trey Gerrald:

So for that reason, I said two and a half.

Trey Gerrald:

Oy, Lisa.

Trey Gerrald:

All right, Chelsey, why did you say one crown?

Chelsey Donn:

I was going to say, first of all, Oy LisaInSeattle, you know what I mean?

Chelsey Donn:

I can't.

Chelsey Donn:

I have to give Lisa and Seattle one crown, mostly because.

Chelsey Donn:

I just don't think that they get their message across, right.

Chelsey Donn:

Like if I feel like I need to go on a scavenger hunt within your review to find the Review!

Chelsey Donn:

you've, you've lost me.

Chelsey Donn:

And if you've lost me, then you're not adding value to the information

Chelsey Donn:

I think I would feel.

Chelsey Donn:

I'm going to skip this because I want to find a shorter Review!

Chelsey Donn:

that's going to actually give me the nuts and bolts.

Chelsey Donn:

You know what I mean?

Chelsey Donn:

So I think it's going to end up getting glossed over because it's way, way, way too heavy.

Chelsey Donn:

And because it, therefore is not useful as a product review, one crown for Lisa and yeah.

Trey Gerrald:

Word

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah.

Chelsey Donn:

All right.

Chelsey Donn:

That was a lot to chew on.

Chelsey Donn:

So let's take a quick break.

Chelsey Donn:

And when we come back, we can get into RQ T's Review!, which is we promise is a lot.

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah.

Trey Gerrald:

BRB.

VOICEOVER:

Hold your Crown!

VOICEOVER:

We'll be right back.

Chelsey Donn:

Wow.

Chelsey Donn:

Meryl's crazy

Trey Gerrald:

One-Star-Zinger time.

Trey Gerrald:

All right.

Trey Gerrald:

It's time to take a quick spin on the Meryl-Go-Round.

VOICEOVER:

'I don't feel like an icon.

VOICEOVER:

Most of the days, I feel like

Chelsey Donn:

All right, Trey and I have each picked a rotten scathing, pithy One-Star-Zinger.

Chelsey Donn:

And with 30 seconds on the clock, we'll each try to recite the zinger

Trey Gerrald:

Just like queen Meryl Streep, who does it all.

Chelsey Donn:

Before the clock runs out.

Chelsey Donn:

Right?

Chelsey Donn:

Try.

Chelsey Donn:

Where is your One-Star-Zinger from today?

Trey Gerrald:

All right.

Trey Gerrald:

So it's an Amazon day and I am going second with reviews, but you will start to notice a theme

Trey Gerrald:

And I have a on theme review for the after-show podcast as well.

Trey Gerrald:

So here we go.

Trey Gerrald:

My zinger today is written by.

Trey Gerrald:

Kindle Customer.

Chelsey Donn:

Okay.

Trey Gerrald:

And this, uh, is for Clorox concentrated, regular bleach

Trey Gerrald:

And Kindle Customer.

Trey Gerrald:

Wait, Kendall Customers a funny drag name.

Chelsey Donn:

Kendall customer.

Chelsey Donn:

Okay.

Trey Gerrald:

the subject is leaked and the Review!

Trey Gerrald:

as package was wet.

Trey Gerrald:

Bleach shouldn't leak.

Chelsey Donn:

Okay.

Chelsey Donn:

Well, I can't, I mean, I agree, I guess, with Kendall.

Chelsey Donn:

All right.

Chelsey Donn:

Try today.

Chelsey Donn:

You are stopped into, um, like one of those pink Himalayan, salt lamps.

Chelsey Donn:

Very Zen.

Trey Gerrald:

Great.

Trey Gerrald:

I'm going to be warm and Himalayan and as usual, always salty

Chelsey Donn:

All right.

Chelsey Donn:

You ready?

Trey Gerrald:

I'm ready.

Trey Gerrald:

Let's do it.

Chelsey Donn:

Well, we know .That.

Chelsey Donn:

Okay.

Chelsey Donn:

Let's do it.

VOICEOVER:

Three, Two, One, GO!.

Trey Gerrald:

Package was wet.

Trey Gerrald:

Bleach.

Trey Gerrald:

Shouldn't leave.

Chelsey Donn:

adult film,

Trey Gerrald:

Ah, package was why like my pussy bleeds shouldn't leak.

Trey Gerrald:

I believe short package was web lead.

Trey Gerrald:

Shouldn't lay

Chelsey Donn:

TLC reality show.

Trey Gerrald:

Packers, wet blade shouldn't lake

Chelsey Donn:

Magic show

Trey Gerrald:

package was a wet bleach.

Chelsey Donn:

dirty, read on the pornstar

Trey Gerrald:

came out.

Trey Gerrald:

All right, Chelsey, what is your One-Star-Zinger for today?

Chelsey Donn:

Good question.

Chelsey Donn:

Thanks for asking.

Chelsey Donn:

Okay.

Chelsey Donn:

So my One-Star-Zinger, I was, you know, watching a lot of movies, cause

Chelsey Donn:

And I watched this movie that is like a Diane Keaton B last, which is my favorite new genre.

Chelsey Donn:

I've decided the movie Poms, have you seen.

Trey Gerrald:

No.

Chelsey Donn:

It's about like, like retired women that live in a like fully

Chelsey Donn:

And they all have to be members of different clubs and Diane Keaton moves in and she

Chelsey Donn:

So she like starts this elderly cheerleading squad.

Chelsey Donn:

And it's actually like, in my opinion, quite.

Chelsey Donn:

Endearing.

Chelsey Donn:

And then I went to rotten tomatoes and saw OJ.

Chelsey Donn:

It has a real low score.

Chelsey Donn:

And obviously Johnny O of the New York post does not agree with my enjoyment of this movie

Chelsey Donn:

So that was Johnny O's.

Chelsey Donn:

I felt that was a real zinger, you know?

Trey Gerrald:

All right.

Trey Gerrald:

Well, in that case, Chelsey, I'm going to strap you into a Palm tree leaf

Chelsey Donn:

Okay.

Chelsey Donn:

I might up there with my POM poms.

Trey Gerrald:

I hope so you're conducting all the traffic from all the boaters.

Chelsey Donn:

Whoo.

Chelsey Donn:

This way, this way.

Trey Gerrald:

Alright.

Trey Gerrald:

Are you ready?

Chelsey Donn:

I'm ready.

VOICEOVER:

Three, Two, One, GO!.

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah,

Trey Gerrald:

show

Chelsey Donn:

palms is an embarrassment.

Trey Gerrald:

courtroom drama.

Chelsey Donn:

Palms is an embarrassment.

Trey Gerrald:

televangelist

Chelsey Donn:

Poems has an embarrassment.

Trey Gerrald:

Hora.

Chelsey Donn:

do

Trey Gerrald:

That was six.

Trey Gerrald:

Steva you?

Trey Gerrald:

Wait, we tied.

Chelsey Donn:

Yay.

Trey Gerrald:

Woo.

Trey Gerrald:

Woo.

Trey Gerrald:

Woo.

VOICEOVER:

Review That Review.

Chelsey Donn:

All right.

Chelsey Donn:

We are back from that rousing game break.

Chelsey Donn:

And it is your turn.

Chelsey Donn:

Trey.

Chelsey Donn:

Where is your Review!

Chelsey Donn:

from this week?

Trey Gerrald:

Okay.

Trey Gerrald:

So today I also have a review from Amazon.

Trey Gerrald:

This is written by Angie R.

Trey Gerrald:

And this is a one star review for manic panic, flash lightning hair, bleach kit, 30 volume.

Trey Gerrald:

And I can not read Angie R's subject because it gives it away.

Trey Gerrald:

But I'll tell you, after I read the Review!.

Chelsey Donn:

Perfect.

Chelsey Donn:

And I have a quick question before.

Chelsey Donn:

So is the bleach like Bleacher hair, like white or is it a specific color?

Trey Gerrald:

Yeah.

Trey Gerrald:

It's like, um, it's white bleach.

Trey Gerrald:

Yeah.

Chelsey Donn:

hear it.

Trey Gerrald:

All right.

Trey Gerrald:

Here is the Review!

Trey Gerrald:

Tish and Snooki.

Trey Gerrald:

My wife recently purchased your product manic panic flashlighting over Amazon.

Trey Gerrald:

With the quarantine situation.

Trey Gerrald:

She has not been able to visit her hairdresser and get her hair dyed Her solution was to order your

Trey Gerrald:

We received your product yesterday afternoon and she went to use it this morning.

Trey Gerrald:

My wife has lots of experience using different hair dye products.

Trey Gerrald:

So she knows what she is doing.

Trey Gerrald:

After seeing the finished product.

Trey Gerrald:

I think Tish and Snooki should be ashamed of themselves.

Trey Gerrald:

And I would recommend no one buying this product.

Trey Gerrald:

My wife looks like a female version of Joe Exotic.

Chelsey Donn:

Oh, no.

Trey Gerrald:

Every time she comes into the room, I expect her to be followed by lions and tigers.

Trey Gerrald:

Now she is going to have to replace her whole wardrobe with 1980s leather jackets

Chelsey Donn:

Oh, God,

Trey Gerrald:

I usually don't leave product reviews, but with how bad this product

Trey Gerrald:

I have to go now, Mrs.

Trey Gerrald:

Exotic is calling my name.

Trey Gerrald:

dot dot dot dot dot dot dot.

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah,

Trey Gerrald:

So the subject ais this product turned my wife into a female Joe Exotic.

Chelsey Donn:

I figured,

Trey Gerrald:

So I'm unsure if Angie R is the wife's account and this is written by a male,

Chelsey Donn:

oh,

Trey Gerrald:

Angie has a wife.

Trey Gerrald:

I just want to say, I'm not sure what genders here, but, uh, all we know is

Chelsey Donn:

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Chelsey Donn:

Either way.

Chelsey Donn:

Yes.

Chelsey Donn:

Correct.

Chelsey Donn:

Which is, which was kind of going to bring me to my first point, which is why does the wife

Chelsey Donn:

To leave a review on their behalf.

Chelsey Donn:

Like all of a sudden they dyed their hair and they also went back to a time when they needed

Chelsey Donn:

Like, why is Angie R going to bat on behalf of the wife?

Trey Gerrald:

Yeah, anytime I Review!

Trey Gerrald:

is like second hand.

Trey Gerrald:

It's like, it's always a little bit of a head-scratcher cause it's always like second

Chelsey Donn:

I guess, but I just feel like, it sounds like they were

Chelsey Donn:

I wonder.

Chelsey Donn:

How the wife feels about the way that they look.

Chelsey Donn:

Is it like that the wife is so disturbed by her new look or is it that the wife went

Chelsey Donn:

Should we.

Chelsey Donn:

Their partner,

Trey Gerrald:

other.

Chelsey Donn:

their significant other, their significant other was clearly repulsed by how they

Chelsey Donn:

is like you made my wife look unattractive to me, which I feel like is off-putting

Trey Gerrald:

I mean, that is a really interesting perspective within this Review!

Trey Gerrald:

because we don't get what the actual user of the product thinks of this.

Trey Gerrald:

And we are told that the wife has a lot of experience with hair dye.

Chelsey Donn:

Exactly

Trey Gerrald:

It really is like the, the significant other's opinion.

Trey Gerrald:

I want to know what Mrs.

Trey Gerrald:

Exotic, who's calling Angie at the end.

Trey Gerrald:

I want to know what Mrs.

Trey Gerrald:

Exotic things.

Chelsey Donn:

I agree.

Trey Gerrald:

Okay.

Trey Gerrald:

Also, I don't know, maybe this is deducible, but it is written sort of in a letter form.

Trey Gerrald:

So they're addressing Tish and Snooki and upon doing some research Tisch and Snooki

Chelsey Donn:

Yes.

Chelsey Donn:

I'm so glad you brought that up.

Chelsey Donn:

Cause I had started that on my sheet and I forgot to ask.

Chelsey Donn:

So like they're writing a letter on Amazon.

Chelsey Donn:

Which probably is fulfilled by, I would guess a second hand source again, Trustpilot verse Amazon.

Chelsey Donn:

Right.

Chelsey Donn:

And you're addressing the creators of the product weird to

Trey Gerrald:

Yeah, it is interesting to say like, my wife recently purchased

Trey Gerrald:

You're writing that on him.

Chelsey Donn:

right?

Chelsey Donn:

Exactly.

Trey Gerrald:

But who knows, maybe Angie R covered all their bases

Trey Gerrald:

And also is just putting this on here because ultimately they say, we just want, I

Trey Gerrald:

Also 897 people found this helpful.

Trey Gerrald:

So what do you think of the humor here?

Trey Gerrald:

Because I do think that Angie R is just being very trendy with Tiger King and,

Chelsey Donn:

When was this written?

Trey Gerrald:

March, 2020, so right when that documentary was very

Trey Gerrald:

popular on Netflix,

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah.

Chelsey Donn:

I think that Angie really leaned in.

Chelsey Donn:

So the tiger king in a way that, like, I don't know if, if this, if I was reading this in March,

Chelsey Donn:

And it just feels like you're really leaning into it.

Chelsey Donn:

And because like, truthfully, I just get that kind of like gross feeling in my stomach.

Chelsey Donn:

That's like, why are you putting your wife on blast and saying, she looks like Ms.

Chelsey Donn:

Exotic, and that she needs to change her whole wardrobe.

Chelsey Donn:

Like, it just feels very mean.

Chelsey Donn:

And I don't like it.

Trey Gerrald:

That is, that's an interesting point of view on it.

Trey Gerrald:

Didn't even occur to me that way, but I totally hear that.

Trey Gerrald:

It's just it's.

Trey Gerrald:

It is highlighting to me.

Trey Gerrald:

That the joke hasn't aged well, because I think it's, I think the most clever joke is

Trey Gerrald:

Like nearly two years later.

Trey Gerrald:

That's insane to think about.

Chelsey Donn:

I know

Trey Gerrald:

But like once again, like the experience here is as common or a fluke.

Trey Gerrald:

I mean, I don't know because it's the, it's the significant others, uh, opinion.

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah.

Trey Gerrald:

Also, if you're getting flash white hair dye, you want it to be like extreme.

Trey Gerrald:

That's not like

Chelsey Donn:

well, that's why I'm like, I'm trying to think of like, is Joe,

Chelsey Donn:

Like doesn't Joe exotic have bleached blonde hair.

Chelsey Donn:

Like, again, I

Trey Gerrald:

So look

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah.

Chelsey Donn:

But Joe exotic has like a mullet.

Chelsey Donn:

So like, you know, It's a bleach blonde mullet.

Chelsey Donn:

Like that's it looking at the color of his hair?

Chelsey Donn:

That's why I asked when you first intro the product.

Chelsey Donn:

I said, is this going to like bleach your hair to make it white?

Chelsey Donn:

Or is this a color?

Chelsey Donn:

Because also sometimes these kinds of products that are like Bleacher hair until they're

Chelsey Donn:

Look, oftentimes it's like a do this and then add the pink on.

Chelsey Donn:

Right.

Chelsey Donn:

Bleach it down and then add the color.

Chelsey Donn:

You know what I

Trey Gerrald:

have to, you have to like erase all of the, uh, color that exists in

Trey Gerrald:

Yeah,

Chelsey Donn:

Right.

Chelsey Donn:

So I think either if I was buying this product, it's because I want that bleach blonde hair

Chelsey Donn:

So I don't see the value here.

Trey Gerrald:

That's really like really standing out to me as well,

Trey Gerrald:

It's kind of Angie Rs, one star Review!

Trey Gerrald:

kind of as proving that it is an extreme

Chelsey Donn:

Right.

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah.

Chelsey Donn:

That's what it is.

Trey Gerrald:

Right.

Trey Gerrald:

Cause I also think that manic panic is that grungy sort of downtown New York, punk rock energy.

Trey Gerrald:

But I just think that like, if I want extreme bleach, I would go with manic panic.

Trey Gerrald:

I wouldn't go with L'Oreal.

Chelsey Donn:

I agree.

Chelsey Donn:

Totally.

Trey Gerrald:

I mean, I think I could crown this.

Trey Gerrald:

How are you

Chelsey Donn:

I can crown.

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah, I'm ready.

VOICEOVER:

The Queens are Tabulating.

Chelsey Donn:

Wow.

Chelsey Donn:

Again, I am holding up one crown trays holding up three crowns.

Chelsey Donn:

One crown very similar reason to the first Review!

Chelsey Donn:

like I've gone through all this hoopla and I don't feel like I have a

Chelsey Donn:

I don't have any kind of opinion that I trust.

Chelsey Donn:

So that really pretty much goes into the trash bin.

Chelsey Donn:

So that's why I gave it one crown.

Chelsey Donn:

Why did you give Angie three?

Trey Gerrald:

It's just interesting because I do think, like I just said

Trey Gerrald:

They're trying to not prove.

Trey Gerrald:

So there is some value here because it does make me think, okay, this

Trey Gerrald:

If you want, believe bleach, use this product.

Trey Gerrald:

I think that they really lose points for me because it's.

Trey Gerrald:

It's a very like time-specific joke and it's sort of like unnecessary, like

Trey Gerrald:

But then again, the subject did cause me to want to read it.

Trey Gerrald:

So I said three, which is not exactly middle of the road.

Trey Gerrald:

Cause we have half crowns, but like, I don't think it's, in my opinion, not a one and it's

Trey Gerrald:

So that's why I said three.

Chelsey Donn:

Okay.

Chelsey Donn:

Fair enough.

Chelsey Donn:

I hear you.

Chelsey Donn:

And I mean, it was a One, crown kind of diet.

Chelsey Donn:

I don't ever think I've had an episode where I just was straight across the board.

Chelsey Donn:

One crown.

Trey Gerrald:

you're joining the dark side.

Chelsey Donn:

I guess I am!

Chelsey Donn:

Alright.

Chelsey Donn:

My queen, we have reached the most Regal portion of our show.

Chelsey Donn:

Who are you?

Chelsey Donn:

Inducting Trey for?

VOICEOVER:

My

VOICEOVER:

Royal

VOICEOVER:

Highness

Trey Gerrald:

Today.

Trey Gerrald:

I want to induct whoever working at apple came up with the idea that you

Trey Gerrald:

Specifically, my husband and I have a shared note.

Trey Gerrald:

Which is like an app on the iPhone that we can both update with the little bullet holes that

Trey Gerrald:

really has changed the game.

Trey Gerrald:

And we don't have to worry about texting or like, oh wait, I forgot to put bananas.

Trey Gerrald:

Like I can just see it update automatically.

Trey Gerrald:

And we can both look at our lists individually and address what needs

Trey Gerrald:

It really is lovely and genius also, you know, sort of like a, a short form version of Google

Trey Gerrald:

It really is amazing, especially as a shopping list.

Trey Gerrald:

So for that reason, Today I have to induct the sharing of notes, possibility

Chelsey Donn:

Love that possibility for you?

Trey Gerrald:

What about you Chelsey?

Chelsey Donn:

Who am I inducting today?

Chelsey Donn:

Trey?

Chelsey Donn:

Well, today I wanted to turn a kvetch into a Royal Highness is what I wanted to do.

Chelsey Donn:

So I mentioned I was feeling a little bit under the weather.

Chelsey Donn:

And so when that happens for me, I tend to pile up the laundry.

Chelsey Donn:

And so when I finally did the laundry, it was like, just took everything out of me.

Chelsey Donn:

And then I have the laundry in the laundry bags, and they're still

Chelsey Donn:

And I'm just sort of looking at them with distain thinking.

Chelsey Donn:

I have to fold that, you know, and it feels really like, ah, like such a mountain to climb.

Chelsey Donn:

And then in the moment, when I was thinking about that, I thought to myself, Wow.

Chelsey Donn:

talk about first world problems like the washing machine.

Chelsey Donn:

Can we induct the washing machine as My Royal Highness?

Chelsey Donn:

Because can you imagine if I needed to do like all this washing by hand or with a stone or with One,?

Chelsey Donn:

Boards or in a Creek?

Chelsey Donn:

I mean, my goodness, like I'm complaining cause I have to fold my clothes and I have one of

Chelsey Donn:

Like I, I have all of the accoutrement, right.

Chelsey Donn:

And I just don't even know what I would do if I didn't have a washing machine

Chelsey Donn:

And for that reason, I would like to induct today, the washing machine as My Royal Highness.

Chelsey Donn:

And I don't have any history for you, but.

Chelsey Donn:

I love you.

Chelsey Donn:

Thank you.

Chelsey Donn:

Washing machine you're , My Royal Highness.

Trey Gerrald:

I love that I made it so true.

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah.

Chelsey Donn:

Love turning a kvetch into a Royal Highness, you know?

Trey Gerrald:

I definitely think that like most people can adapt to just continuing to wash

Trey Gerrald:

But I do think that a washing machine is, is sort of like that's a, you have to.

Trey Gerrald:

Well, we did it queen that is another round on the RU a RQ Ferris wheel

Chelsey Donn:

Uh, yes.

Chelsey Donn:

Thank you for joining us today.

Chelsey Donn:

If you like, what you heard, please tell a friend really means a lot to us.

Chelsey Donn:

If you do share it.

Trey Gerrald:

If you didn't like what you heard, please tell an enemy

Trey Gerrald:

Join our mailing list to stay up to date with the goings on, in the queendom at ReviewThatReview.Com

Chelsey Donn:

You can also hit up our voicemail box 1-850-REVIEW-0.

Chelsey Donn:

And remember, we're still standing by.

Chelsey Donn:

We want to hear what are your, you know, resolutions now?

Chelsey Donn:

We're like a little bit in here.

Chelsey Donn:

How's it going?

Chelsey Donn:

How you doing?

Chelsey Donn:

Okay.

Chelsey Donn:

Or slide into our DMS.

Chelsey Donn:

You can follow us on all the socials at @TheReviewQueens.

Chelsey Donn:

I'm at @ChelseyBD.

Trey Gerrald:

And I'm at @TreyGerrald.

Trey Gerrald:

Okay.

Trey Gerrald:

Everyone on today's after show podcast, which we were recording seconds.

Trey Gerrald:

After this main episode ends, we are going to be rating and reviewing a one

Chelsey Donn:

Bleach again.

Chelsey Donn:

Oh my God.

Chelsey Donn:

I can't.

Trey Gerrald:

So, to find out what made Chelsey say...

Chelsey Donn:

'Now am I a prude, or is starfish a recognizable term

Trey Gerrald:

'Oh, it looks like my anus is wearing lipstick.'

Chelsey Donn:

Then join our patreon at www.Patreon.com/ReviewThatReview in order to

Trey Gerrald:

And remember.

Chelsey Donn:

Ignore the haters.

Chelsey Donn:

You're a queen.

Trey Gerrald:

Gender non-specific queen just like Angie RS, significant other.

Chelsey Donn:

Yes,

Trey Gerrald:

that's not right.

Trey Gerrald:

Just like, just like, and gr okay.

Trey Gerrald:

Just I'm saying this over again.

Trey Gerrald:

Gender non-specific queen

Chelsey Donn:

Of course.

Chelsey Donn:

Bye!

Trey Gerrald:

Bye.

Trey Gerrald:

Toodaloo.

Trey Gerrald:

Review That Review is an independent podcast!

Trey Gerrald:

Certain names have been redacted or changed to protect the guilty.

Trey Gerrald:

Executive Produced by Trey Gerrald and Chelsey Donn with editing and sound designed by

Trey Gerrald:

Our cover art was designed by LogoVora and our theme song was written by Joe