I came across this clip on Instagram and one it put me in a deep thought, but it also made me think a lot about you.

Okay, so if I was to ask you, who are you?

What would you tell me?

A mother.

That's for somebody else.

Who are you?

A child of God.

That's great.

Who are you.

Nicole?

I'm 42 year old.

I don't know.

Not giving me demographics when we define ourselves, especially when you have a fixing as an identity.

You know who you are for others.

You do not know who you are for self.

Do I even know my own interests?

Do I even know my own hobbies?

Give me five things you love about you.

Now go.

About me.

I have a big heart.

I'm beautiful, confident.

I'm a caregiver.

That's for somebody else.

Yeah.

I don't know.

You found your assignment.

I am a mystery to myself.

You are a woman who lacks identity.

Wow.

So you are pro.

You are being provoked in your into a relationship with self.

This is where you have to start figuring out if I remove the role.

Cuz mommy is a role, sister is a role, Caregiver is a role.

If nobody was attached to you, who would you be?

When I asked you who you are, you should have an answer.

That's deep, right?

It's deep.

Every.

Every big.

Every audio we hit in the beginning is always going to hit deep.

Always going to hit deep.

And when I say it made me think about you because her name, her name is Nicole.

That was my next question.

A mother.

And often I feel like I would ask you these questions sometimes and you would give me roles, right?

And I noticed that I also when people ask me, you asked me the other day, who am I outside of parenting?

And I was like giving you all the roles I play in life and I couldn't answer that question.

Couldn't answer it, you know.

And to know yourself is to.

To love yourself.

Yeah.

Yeah.

To know yourself is to love yourself.

So let's get into it.

I'm going to give you some vibes.

Want to also play this?

This song?

It just made me think about YouTube for nothing.

Yeah, you taught me something.

Gotta throw some pain.

That's what Bell would say.

I promise you it's gonna.

It's gonna kick up.

It's time to log in, everybody.

God, I'm gonna miss this house.

That's what I thought about.

Sunday morning.

All the things I couldn't live without.

I don't need.

God, I used to love this hair.

Now there's something in the air.

Something Cold overnight the clothes I always wore don't suit me anymore.

She's always changing me without a word and I was just.

I was just getting used to the heart keeps rearranging me a little bit and I was just.

I was just getting used to feeling that lady, lady, she's the man I think she got a master plan it's something I don't understand that lady, lady, she does it always had to be like this.

Have you ever heard this song?

I did once.

But I don't know why it sounds so different right now.

Because I'm playing it for you, that's why.

Yeah.

I felt like the words were like suiting.

Me without a word.

And I was just.

I was just getting used to her.

I know we gotta get started, but I want to play one more song.

This is going to be our vibing session real quick.

Cuz I love this song as well.

It's a little.

It seems a little toxic, but it.

It's like.

It's such a deep song at the same time that I was like, she has to listen to this one too.

Sounds like a vibe I would listen to for sure.

That's why.

That's why you would listen to.

So let's.

But it.

It caught my.

Got my attention.

I'm sorry.

Here we are back again Fighting what's in front of me there's so much to unpack again if I come a little late we could be nice to each other Nice to each other Wrong for each other Right for each other and rise to each other Rise to each other don't know where the switches.

Are.

Keep the coloring and I Probably crash a stupid car make your life a misery but we could be nice to each other Nice to each other Wrong for each other Rise for each other and rise to each other Rise to each other Cuz you know, I've done all the classic stuff and it never works, you know.

So can we say.

We'll never say the classic.

Her beats are so sick.

And it makes you feel like you can get up and conquer your day.

And it also puts you in this emotional state of like feeling your feelings.

Yeah.

That's why I was like, yeah, this song sounds toxic, but it sounds so good.

Like it sounds like an uplifting song.

I mean, you know what I heard before I heard the lyrics.

Right?

The vibe.

Yeah.

Yep.

Hence our previous conversation.

And that's the vibes.

And that's why I played this song.

Because I just like the beat.

I knew you would.

You would really rock with it.

I was like she's gonna.

With this.

It sounded like we could have come by Post Malone, but it's so much better.

So much better.

Yeah, this.

This is.

This was a really, really.

So I'm glad you give me the.

Give me the.

Give me the ratings for the vibes.

Give me the ratings.

I need those clapping here.

You got a round of applause.

I'm gonna make this ass clap.

Hey.

Hey.

Okay.

And we'll be right back.

Oh, no, this.

I was emotional.

You saw.

Yeah, Yeah.

I was like, oh, that's a good thing.

Get like that.

I don't know.

It was just.

It was.

I started feeling so much.

I started feeling so much.

And the topics and things that we've been discussing and connecting on lately have had me feeling my feelings.

Yeah.

And welcome back to another episode of the Parental Exchange podcast.

I'm your host, Chico.

And I'm your host, Nicole.

And this is where real parents exchange real experiences.

No judgment, just growth and connections.

It's time to, like, in everybody.

Can you guys guess whose voice that is?

You guessed it.

He was mad excited to be a part of that little recording.

We did like seven takes and he did great.

Like, take one.

I just wanted to keep getting him to say it over and over and over again.

No, you kept saying, say it again.

He would repeat.

You say repeat.

Say it again.

He would say, say it again.

No, no, no.

Say what you just said.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That was.

That was a little struggle in the beginning.

Listen, I don't.

I know that as a parent, you think that your child's the most beautiful thing in the world regardless, but we have such a gorgeous little man.

And I am so blessed.

So blessed.

Thank you, God.

Yes.

Amen.

Yeah.

Even though there's days that he tests your patience.

But we.

We don't gotta get into that.

Yeah, we don't gotta get into that.

But thank you for the vice, babe, because that had me went with all of the feels.

You have me feeling good.

You had me feeling a little more in tune.

Like you had me digging deep.

You had me emotional.

I just felt so many different things in that moment.

That.

And I.

And I've heard Olivia Dean, you heard me say, is that Olivia Dean?

Yeah.

But it felt different when you played.

No, I got.

I got.

I got put on recently to Olivia Dean, and I was like, where has this music been?

This is fire.

Yeah.

And, you know, I'm a big hip hop head, but in this realm of hit of R B or soul type music, there's like certain sounds that, like, they, they, they they pull me.

And this right here, this project has been.

Been.

Been played.

That's why I've been talking to you about.

I want to play something for you.

I've never, I haven't heard you bump into Olivia Dean.

So to me, I was about to put you on some.

Something new, which I think I did.

I think I did in the perspective of you paying attention to the words and.

But I listened to.

And I was like, why is this.

This is Nicole right here.

I was like, I have to play this for her.

It sounded like something you would hear me listening to my car.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Facts.

I. Yeah, no, I definitely have a good ear for music, like even down to different genres.

I. I must say some things, I probably am a little more close minded too, but for the most part I have a good ear for certain things.

So.

Yeah, thanks for playing.

And you can sing and you can sing.

So I want to highlight that.

That I didn't get to highlight in the, in the last episode when, when we had a little J. Cole moment and you, you were singing the ad libs.

Honestly, to, to God, like, that was another thing that I was like, there's no way that I'm dating someone that has a fire voice as well.

Like when we first started dating, I remember you sung Alicia Keys and that's my favorite R and B artist.

Like, she was my, my, my crush for years.

And I was like, oh, nah, she's singing Alicia Keys to me.

Yeah.

You remember we went to Atlantic City.

Yes.

And we were at a karaoke.

And you love karaoke.

I always get up there, most part, most times.

Always want to sing.

I'll sing right now.

Sing that part to you.

Valentine's Day edition.

Go ahead, Go ahead.

Let's get, let's get it.

Some people live for the fortune Some people live just for the fame okay.

Some people live for the power yeah Some people live just to play the game Some people think that the physical things define Was within and I've been here before and that life's a boy so full of the superficial but some people want it all But I don't want nothing at all if it ain't you, baby if I got you, baby.

Yeah when you did that in that karaoke night, I was like, but everything.

Is nothing if I ain't got you.

Yeah, yeah.

And.

And we like that cheesy like, like dedicating songs to each other, singing to each other, surprising each other.

Like, we did that all through our dating phase, like finding different ways to do meaningful things.

Yes.

Yep.

Yeah.

So for Valentine's Day, let's see what.

What.

We can come back and update our audience.

What went down?

What.

What.

What was the vibes for the parents night on Valentine's Day.

Yes.

As we prioritize the five Fs from our last episode, one of them being prioritizing a date night.

Our last one was couples bowling.

And now we are going to be, you know, of course, taking that week to celebrate you, my love, because your birthday's coming up.

Oh, word.

And his birthday is February 12, Aquarius season, and then Valentine's Day two days later.

So he gets a gift, and then I get it.

And of course, yeah, it's gonna be a lot of activities going on during that week.

Yep.

And J. Cole's dropping his project the week or the week before, so that's, like my early Valentine's Day gift right there from him.

Oh, what?

Pause.

What's wrong with that?

Yeah, he's.

He's.

He's.

That's his Valentine's gift to you, To.

To everybody.

To all Cole fans.

Yeah.

We eating off of this.

This whole album.

Drop 100.

I got the vinyl coming in around that.

That's, like my early birthday gift.

Yeah.

Nah, it's.

It's gonna be fire.

So.

You know, something that.

That has.

That stood out to me.

Last conversation we had, we were.

We went real deep into our five Fs, and one thing that when we did that we did in the beginning of that episode was say who we were.

Right?

And we listened back to it, and we realized, like, even during the episode, we realized that we were giving.

We were saying everything that we do.

And it got me to thinking, like, you know, watching this clip, everything came down, like, to, like, who are you?

Right.

And we asked ourselves this question for a couple of days now, you know, discussing this topic, because it's been, like, a struggle to, like, pull that out.

Like, who are you?

Outside of all the roles that you play, who are you?

And why is that important to know?

And I feel like I've.

I didn't know that answer until I started, like, stripping away these things.

Right?

And I was looking for what shows up constantly in my life.

Like, what's something that's always been in all the seasons that, you know, I've been through in life from.

From younger days to now, where I stand today.

And I think that I kept on.

I. I remember giving you some of the answers, and all I kept saying was, I'm a dad.

I'm a. I'm a brother.

I'm an employee.

I'm a fiance.

Like, I'm giving you all the roles again.

And I'm going in circles with this.

And until I realize that one thing that's been consistent in my life and everything, that even if.

Even if you take everything away and you leave me stripped from everything, and there's one thing that always going to be present in my life is creating.

Like, I need to create something.

That's my form of expression.

That is what, like, fills me so as I realized that, you know, as I've been chasing certain things, to be a good dad, I want to be a great partner.

I want to be a great brother, friend, an employee.

Like, those are all things that I'm showing up for other people.

Those are all roles that bring value to my life, but to other people's life, you know?

But what's something that is exclusive to.

Me when everything else is gone?

When there's nothing else in front of you?

Yeah.

What is.

Who is Chico one?

Being a creator.

Because it's a form of how.

A form of expression for me.

It's a way for me to be able to, like, bring something to life.

And I realized that whenever I'm in that zone, I'm thriving.

I feel like I'm.

I gotta groove.

Like.

Like, I gotta stay in this state.

I don't know if my answer is right.

You know, I. I think, like, I am very much a server, a people person.

Like, I'm not saying that I am.

That's my role, but it's.

It is in certain realms, like, because of what I do for a living, but my nature and who my identity is to serve is to be that empathetic person.

I've noticed that about myself.

I'm like, if I don't know anything, if I don't know anything, I know that I'm very much that empathetic person, that person that wants to provide a safe space for others.

And, you know, I do get a little attitude, though.

I do have a Puerto Rican attitude.

So sometimes that's a little.

But my identity has a lot to do with my nurturing personality.

Not just as.

Not as a mom, just who I've always been.

Like, you care for my people.

Yeah.

Like, you care for people.

You like making people feel good.

You want people to feel seen.

Yeah.

Oh.

Like, I will compliment a stranger.

I will talk to the person on the airplane because it fills me up, and it's not something that I'm.

I'm not creating it.

So at some point, baby, I want to point out That I almost saw that as less valuable because I wasn't actually creating something that's.

That's, That's.

That's so weird because for me, I always looked at that as, like, your strength and my weakness.

Like, I get anxious going with her in elevators because I feel like she's just gonna spark up a conversation with whoever's in the elevator.

And I don't want that.

Like, there's times that I'd just be like, I. I act like I'm not paying attention because, like.

Or he'll use the cell phone that doesn't work because the service is always out in the elevator.

So that sucks because it's like, I'm.

Not trying to do that.

Right.

I feel like I'm awkward when it.

When it comes to, like, new people.

And you do very well in that.

But then you want to include me in that conversation, I'm just like, yeah.

I start twitching like, no, like, what are you doing?

Stay over there with that conversation.

So it's interesting that you say that.

Because, well, I feel like that's a strength for you.

I appreciate that.

I always thought that because I wasn't producing something that it wasn't significant, but it's just that super a power that not everybody has.

A genuine one.

Some people just fake it.

Yes, because that's why.

And for me, it's something that I can't not do.

Like, in moments where, you know, I'm kind of bring it out there.

In moments where you've had your jealous.

Your jealous moments.

It was like, I remember saying to you, if you don't like this part of me and how I am towards people, then we might not.

This might not work.

This might not work because I can't change that about myself.

And that's how I know it's a core part of me.

I remember that when you told me that, that's when I started looking at that as a strength of yours.

Right.

Because you flip it, right?

For me, where I come from, it's like it was normal for you to be more stank towards people because it was like, I'm trying to make.

Like you're trying to make it known that.

Nah, like you're not interested.

Right.

But being genuine, when you're genuine with just caring about people, there's no agenda behind it.

Oh, yes.

So there's no agenda behind it.

And that's hard to come by because everything has an agenda.

Everybody has an agenda in my eyes.

Right.

I. I always look at.

Yeah, you might say you care about this but there's something else in there.

Like, there's always something in exchange.

So that's my toxic 100.

Yeah, that's just like I look at, at lenses, at.

My lenses are always kind of like trying to see through things, you know, like trying to.

Right in front of him, y'.

All.

It's right in front of him, right?

And.

And at least.

Yeah.

So I'll be like, what are you looking for?

What are you.

Yeah, like what are you looking through?

But that's.

Those are areas that you notice about yourself or things that you notice about yourself.

And then when you told me that, I was like, and now I make fun of those things where I'm just like, yo, I know she's about to go talk to these people.

And I'm just like, he was the.

Guy that when we were in our apartment, you would look through the peephole and if no one was going by the elevator, you out.

If someone was there, you'd wait, you'd do something, remember something else you forgot in the house.

So you would not have to go out there and enter the elevator with the next person.

And those things interchange each other.

Right.

Like I'm constantly trying to create something.

I would help you create something.

I will encourage you to.

With ideas and I'll, I'll sit down with you and let's write this down.

And, and areas where you're kind of like, ah, I can't really think of much.

And then you get.

It gets your motors going and now you're like, oh, I got something.

Right.

And then on the other side of things, like, it makes me be a little bit more outside of my shell.

Sometimes we hide our identity in our roles because we think they're less valuable.

And that's an example of that.

Like you feeling like that that you bring to the table is not valuable when that is needed in this world.

Like, that is needed.

Right.

And I think that that's why you have such great community around the fitness world and growing.

And I think that that's going to be your superpower in that realm because it's going to be genuinely with.

It's genuine with what you're providing for the people that are coming into your circle.

Yeah, like I care.

So I love that we ended up talking about this because it made me do one thing and it's seek a little bit more because I was very much touched up upon my role and I felt very lost as a parent and just overall with all of my responsibilities to feel less significant in those self seeking Moments like, and you don't put too much thought into it and then when you have to, you almost feel lost and, and you really have to dig deep.

And this is like my soul searching year.

And it's, it's interesting how I'm, I'm embracing the things that I once thought were insignificant.

You know, like when you say babe, you got to start thinking more you or you got to start seeking more.

And I'm like, I took it as an insult but also wake up call because it's true.

There's so much out there and I'm very much into the way my feeling and what's going on around me and, but very closely I don't, I don't search or seek out for it.

So this is a big like self seeking year.

Yeah.

That's awesome.

I'm glad that, that you feel that way because I know that before you used to think that I was trying to like, yeah, like I was trying to like, like nitpick at you and it was more like used to be like I just want to be present.

And I was like, I understand that.

Like you don't.

I get it.

Because I'm constantly living in the future, right.

I'm constantly like moving ahead, ahead, ahead.

And you're more of like hey, let's be present.

Let's embrace everything, every moment of this day.

Because it's not next.

You know, we're going to be looking like we're always going to be rat racing to the next thing we're currently here.

And then when you're, by the time you're there, I'm like, damn, how much time flew.

Like I never enjoyed what was right there.

Like we, we gotta find the balance of seeking further and thinking into the future and what we want and also realizing that this is right now is only right now.

Like 30 minutes ago was that was it.

That was 30 minutes ago.

And that's not coming back.

So it's, it's a good balance of the two.

But with good consciousness of what to shoot for, for to enjoy the now.

In the future, we are able to help each other catapult one another.

But also like hey, let's stop and smell the roses.

We're constantly in our roles, constantly in a routine, constantly looking forward, worrying about this and worrying about that and not too much on.

Let's embrace.

Let's embrace.

Let's embrace.

Right?

So now that you know, within the conversation that we were having before about identity, right the like listening to that clip and, and, and real and stripping all those things away.

I also realized that I. I often have, like, this dad guilt, and I.

And I've, you know, had this conversation before.

I've had it on the podcast with Jose before, where.

Where I was expressing, like, the.

The tug.

The tug of war you play every day with, where you allocate your time and chasing things that you want in life, but feeling like you're.

You're essentially getting, like, a bad grade in.

In one of your roles, like parenting or being a good partner or being a good son or a good employee, right?

Because you're dividing your.

Your focus into many different things.

And when those things really matter to you, it's a struggle for you to be able to say they'll be all right.

Like, there's times where I'm in the studio and I want to do something, right?

And Zyra will come over here and be like, let's play.

And I'll be like, I'll do this later, right?

I'm gonna go play.

And there's times where I'd be like, nah, bro.

Like, I gotta lock in.

And it's like this.

It's like this pain I get in my.

Yes.

Or even when you're on your phone.

Because you're doing certain things, like.

Or you're having some.

A moment to just unwind and have your own little screen time, and.

And he wants to play around you, and.

And you feel like you're letting them down, right?

You look.

You think you look bad in front of other people because then he'll go seek that attention from somebody else, and then they'll ask him, where's your parents?

And then downstairs, they're doing something, and now you feel like, I gotta go.

I got to go up there and show him that I'm like, here, what's up?

Let's do something.

Like, it's.

It's a.

And especially, like, we have a blessing, right, that we can.

We can kind of, like, have him go and.

And.

And hang out with his titis or his grandparents.

Not everybody has that, and I understand that.

So it's even more difficult for someone that's, like, I literally have to leave them somewhere or if it was someone or doing something in another room for me to be able to isolate and do this right?

And it just.

It just.

Like, this guilt is.

Is a constant thing, and I'm sure that I'm not the only one that feels it at all.

Like, do you constantly deal with that mom guilt?

It is when you want to be present, but you also want to make the Most of yourself to set an example for your kid.

How do we do that?

Oh, my.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

Just like Zaya says, it's hard, but I think as a parent, if you can find the right focus.

Okay, I'm gonna make sure I lock in on this, this, and this with the.

If I'm gonna be away for my kid, I'm gonna make it worth it, because then it's gonna come back tenfold for them.

So if you think about it that way and you say, I'm not gonna go playing like, is I stopped for a second as a parent, is this worth it, what I'm doing right now?

Yes, because I need to unwind, so I'm going to keep doing it.

Or, yes, because it is the work I need to get done because I want it to be in a different place six months to a year from now.

Or if it's like, you know what?

I didn't spend that much time with him, and I could put this off a little bit later.

Let me put that down and go hang out with him.

So this is what weighs in my head when I think about how to spend my time.

How am I going?

Is it gonna be good for me and my mental health?

I'm gonna do it because I need it right now.

Or this could be.

This could wait.

Because I haven't had any time with him, and this is my balance.

So I weigh a lot of those things out in my head all the time, and I.

And I think I found a good flow.

But you never get over that guilt.

No matter what, as a parent, you never get over that mom guilt.

That sounds draining, right?

It.

Like the constant having to outweigh your priorities.

Like, outweigh them.

Like, oh, is this more like.

When you think about that, like, that's what I felt in the beginning when we first had Zion.

And I remember that it was a peak moment for me because it was like God was.

I felt like God was literally going, you said you wanted this, but here, huh?

And I remember that space and time.

I was like, I'm gonna put off podcasting for a while.

I'm gonna reconvene.

I'm gonna come back and see where I land in this.

Because I had, like, dismantled my entire operation, right?

I.

We weren't.

No longer.

We weren't in the studio anymore.

We had a studio rented out.

I'm.

I moved in with you.

We're about to have a baby.

I'm trying to figure out careers, what the hell I'm gonna do with my life.

Yes.

And then I'm like, I need to put podcasting away, because right now that's not going to make me any money.

And I was, like, locked in, right?

And then I got an opportunity to help somebody start their podcast, and it dawned on me, like, what if I started a business and if somebody pays me to help them start their podcast, I would be in creator mode consistently, and I'll be able to monetize that skill.

And it was the hardest time for me because I felt so guilty leaving you alone.

But I knew, like, yo, if I really lock in on this, this is an opportunity to showcase what we can do.

But I always felt like I was failing in one.

In one area, because if I.

If I made sure to show up for you and I forgot to do something with the podcast that made it, like, not launch correctly or whatever the case is, then now I'm looking unprofessional.

And I felt like I was being so hard on myself, and I was, like, feeling guilty on both ends to the point where I felt like, yo, I want to give up on this.

Like, I've never really felt like I wanted to leave something, like, in media alone, like I did around that time.

And I felt like I was in a really, like, bad place.

Like, I was just, like, in a.

Like, I was literally jumping back and forth in my mind every single day, and I was telling everybody, I'm fine, I got this, and in my head, I'm, like, destroyed.

Let me ask you something.

Did I ever, and I want you to be very honest, did I ever make you feel like it was that much harder?

Did I make it feel harder for you?

Yes, but not intentionally, because I. I also take accountability that prior to that, I had come off of network marketing and I wasn't doing what I said I was going to do.

So I felt like I lost credibility with you and jumping into something new.

I felt like you were looking at it, like, there he goes with one of his ideas, and he's not trying to be, like, consistent or trying to make something like, like, security, like, secured.

You were big on security.

So I was like, everything that I was doing was straight up risk, take the risk.

So I felt like I needed to earn that credibility back from you without asking you to just give it to me.

I had to earn it.

And it was hard for me to tell you that, because if I told you that, then you were just gonna be like, babe, you can do it.

And I wanted you to kind of, like, believe in me that.

That I could do it.

Without you telling me.

Exactly.

And I felt like you couldn't because, one, we got a new place.

I was already struggling with the career I was in.

I was in sales, and I was trying to figure it out.

And that was a real, like, it was a whole different animal on top of creating a business.

And in that time, there wasn't a real model in podcasting.

There wasn't this clear cut, like, podcasting was not a popular thing.

Yeah, I. I need you guys to understand it was not a saturated place or felt saturated.

It felt like nobody knew what this was, and everybody was trying to figure it out.

There was a couple of people that were making money with this, and then.

Then there were people that were growing in this space, but it wasn't a proven concept.

So for me to come to you and tell you, look, I got this plan and I'm gonna go mobile and I'm gonna be a mobile podcast creator, and I'm gonna go to different locations and record podcasts for people, and they're gonna pay me for this.

It was hard for you.

I knew it was gonna be hard for you to, like, see the value in that because you could have been like, well, why don't you just get a job that pays you?

You got a cdl, you got this license.

Like, I know that for you, you just wanted to make sure that our family was all right.

So.

And that was the.

Also the part of me, babe, that was also the part of me that didn't realize that I was thinking too close minded.

I was thinking too close minded.

I wish I would have been more.

I wish I would have believed more and had more faith, and I'm sorry about that.

No, it's.

Because who knows what could have been in that time frame had we not thought about, you know, the risks as much and thought more about the rewards and, like, hustled and kind of came up with a game plan.

And I think we're.

We've evolved so much as parents and as people since then that now that if we decide to think outside the box and take those risks, I'm willing to make more of a plan and decide who's gonna hold what end of the fort to help the other one, like, succeed.

And I feel like you, Even if you had fear, doubt, or.

Or maybe didn't understand what the hell I was talking about, it wasn't like you never said, no, you can't do that.

Right?

You never just said, don't do that.

It was more of kind of like, like, all right, you know, and it was kind of like, I hope you, hope you figure this out.

Like, it was kind of like, I hope you got this right.

But let me bring something back this to this babe.

So you're to.

Our biggest topic of identity is that I also feel like I had a lot of doubt in myself and that portrayed onto you.

Like that's what's making me have like that more of that seeking mindset in this day and age.

Because back then I didn't trust myself, so how was I going to trust you?

I didn't trust that I would succeed in certain things.

You know, I mean I was, I was doing well for myself, of course.

But what I mean is like had I decided to take risks like that, I never believed in myself, so it was hard for me to believe in you.

And then seeing those times where you didn't quite make it, of course that made it even more doubtful for me.

So I think that's where my feelings came in that I had such a closed mind and I wish that I didn't.

But coming into seeing all that, I realized it very much different.

Lean out.

We filled each other's glasses.

Because think about it, I was very impulsive in taking and making decisions and taking risk.

Like I'm very trigger happy on I'll blow this whole up and start over.

Right.

Like I'm not scared of starting from the ground up.

I'm not scared of starting from zero.

At some point, right.

You gotta have something to land on.

Yeah.

And you taught me that because you, you would constantly remind me of areas where I needed to, you know, just have a plan, have something in place so it doesn't disrupt your whole life.

And I feel like because I met.

You in a risky place and I thought that that was like where you were going to stay at the time.

When, when you say risk, it was entrepreneurship and I was trying to figure out business and at the time I was going based off of network marketing.

But.

But I also wanted to start my own business and media.

So it was kind of like a constant risk taking and leave it up to God type thing.

Yeah.

You didn't have anything steady at the time besides network marketing because you were doing well in network marketing.

So yeah, I met, I met you in that space and it.

But I never, I never was that risk taker.

So I didn't believe in that for myself and I damn sure wasn't going to believe.

You know what I mean?

Like that's where it came from and.

That'S the good thing.

Now that I feel like now you're in the space where you're kind of, you're, you're, you're kicking off entrepreneurship in your life.

Right?

Right.

You're, you're at, you're, you're taking on this different role and I'm kind of like you're anchor in that space sometimes.

Cuz I feel like there's days where you're like, I don't know if I, if this is going to like, you're like all over the place.

And I'm like, oh, let's, let's, let's, let's get back to it.

Like, you got this.

And I start reminding you of all the things that you already know how to do and that you got this.

Right?

And I feel like.

And it only comes from a place because I've been there where I didn't know what the hell I was doing.

But I, I was just, I felt like I was jump.

I jumped out of a plane and I'm going to land on the ground.

Somehow this parachute is going to open, but I don't have a parachute.

I'm going to build one while I fall off the airplane.

That's literally how it feels.

That is perfect.

I'mma build it while I'm going down.

Yeah, we going to figure this out.

And, and that's really what it is, right?

That's really what it is.

If you've ever been there, just know that you are not alone.

And that is where we, that is where we are at, y'.

All.

Yeah.

In.

Into that guilt, you know, when we, when we circle back into that.

I needed to give myself permission to go after the things I know God is pulling me towards.

And if you are struggling with mom or dad guilt, you need to give yourself permission.

You need, you need to give yourself permission to go out and, and do those things that you have in your heart.

Because when you think about the people that don't understand what you got going on, it's not for them to understand, it's for them to watch.

You can't, you can't explain to people what your purpose is.

You got to go out and do it.

And that's the hardest part because you feel like you have to kind of explain yourself to people all the time.

Like, oh, why aren't you, why don't you have a house yet?

Well, right now I'm in a building stage and I don't know, we, we, we figuring out we got, we got a plan together and we, and we working towards that plan, but we got, we, we're working through it, how we can do it best right now, for.

Us, in our timeline, it is.

There's no one set timeline.

Some people are going to get it done in this amount of time.

Some people in this, some people in this.

Yeah.

And it's really just what you take from it and how you get through it in the journey.

That's it.

That's it.

But that.

That's deep, baby, that you say that right there.

You got to give yourself permission.

You gotta.

For me, it's gonna be, you know that we have a.

We have.

I was just looking it up before how many thoughts on average we have per day.

And it's about 6,000 thoughts plus per day.

And so you know how you said, I feel like it's exhausting to weigh out your priorities?

Well, you're gonna have many, many decisions to make all throughout your day regardless.

So just kind of work through, work through that, work through that the best way you can.

Is it worth it for you?

That's what we think about.

Is it going to be worth it for us?

Do we need that time to unwind?

Yes.

Take it.

Mental health, deload, unwind.

Are we ready to say, you know what, it's parent time, everything else can wait.

Or is it.

It's time to lock in.

Because it's time to lock in everybody because this is going to be better for me and my family in the long run.

So map it out.

And then to the identity seeking who you are not just by your roles and the things that are most important to you, the things that you do in your everyday life, but who you are as a person.

What is it that fills you up, that makes you that much more purposeful in those roles?

That's it.

Like, and to.

To your point with that, like, if you don't know what that is, it's okay.

You know, we're not here saying we have it all figured out.

There's still areas in our life that we're.

We're still seeking what those things are into our identity and into our purpose and what we want to set out to be and what we want to be known by, what our.

We want our kids to see us as.

But start.

Start asking yourself that question.

Start seeking what's consistent in your life.

What's something that always shows up for you when.

When all roles are taken away, when.

When all titles are stripped?

Who are you?

What are some core values and what are some beliefs that you will stand on no matter what?

I think you can start there.

That's how I started and I thought about things that never leave and fulfill me without any type of outside stimulus, without any type of outside telling me what to do or how do you say, manipulating that for me?

If you haven't done this yet, I need you to share the podcast with someone you love.

Second, I need you to subscribe, turn the notifications on, leave a comment Tell us what sat with you.

What would you want to share?

Give us a exchange something with us.

Give us.

Give us a story where you felt like you were losing who you are to your roles.

I agree.

And it's, it's gonna help us just build that community because again that's something that like for me, one of my values is building relationships deeper than just surface level.

And that does come with learning from you guys and having that exchange of thoughts on what you might have felt lost in.

Have you found your purpose or have you found a little bit more of your identity so far in this first month of the new year?

And what roles really hold true?

Maybe, maybe they intertwine some way somehow, but they still fulfill you in the end.

What does that look like?

Tell us.

We want to know.

And thank you everyone that's been reaching out, giving us feedback.

Continue to give us feedback that is also bring, you know, making our day because we know that is resonating with our audience and people are rocking with us and give us maybe some things you want to hear more on the podcast.

Looking forward to.

To.

To discussing for parents for you know, parents to be.

Give us a shout out and we will repost you on our stories.

Yes, shout us out on the gram if something resonated with you, not only dming us about it and giving us your feedback which means so much, but also sharing it to someone that you love.

Maybe there's a certain point in the podcast or in the YouTube channel that you want to send and say, yo, look at this.

Screenshot it, record it.

What's going to hit and what truly hits home for you and maybe someone that you know that is going to benefit them as well.

Let's get it.

Thank you for tuning in to the parental Exchange podcast.

See you next time.

We hope you enjoy your Valentine's.

Been a while.

Let me know.

I didn't end up moving out.

You're the only one.