[TRANSCRIPT]

**0:00:00** - (A): Hello, and welcome back to the More Than Mom Podcast. This is your host, Samantha Cook, and I am ready to get into this today with you guys. And I'm just gonna be talking about finding your power today, because I know at one point or another, we've all struggled with that power of just being in control of who we are and what we do. So first off, I just want to talk about who are you? When you look at yourself and you think all the adjectives that you can define yourself with, who are you?

**0:00:28** - (A): Do you like hobbies? Do you have more roles than other? Maybe you're a stay at home mom. Maybe you're a working mom. Maybe you also lead a choir or something like that. Those are all things that define who we are. But when it comes down, when you talk about yourself, what do you say as a mom? I know for me that's a lot of times people are like, tell us about yourself. And I'm like, I'm a mom. I'm a wife.

**0:00:58** - (A): This is what I do that doesn't really define who I am and what I enjoy and the things that people are looking to connect with me on. And so a lot of times, we have to go back to that smaller version of ourselves. In my case, that little Sam. Like, who did that little girl want to be known as? What was she hoping to accomplish and who she was as a person in her life? And so I go back, and I deeply look at the things that I valued wanted, the jobs that I wanted to have. So I sit back down with her, and I go through all the life experiences that I've had good, bad, average, okay, things I made it through, things that I succeeded through very easily, and just look at the challenges and awesome things that I overcame in my lifetime and sit down with her and just say, like, hey. And I just sit with myself, and I say, who are you?

**0:01:54** - (A): And so I spent a little time on this in the last few days, just wondering how I could move myself forward. And so to move myself forward, I have to look at the things that are maybe limiting beliefs, maybe biases. I hold things like that so I can really dig deep and say, okay, what is it that I value? What about those things that I value that create who I am and what I want to be known for? If you know me in real life, one of the biggest things that I talk about pretty frequently is my core values.

**0:02:28** - (A): And so those are honor, ownership, unity, servant, leadership, and excellence. And when those things drive pretty much everything I do, that's the type of person I want to become, is a follower of God who honors all people, that takes ownership of the good things and the bad things, because I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I do take ownership of when something doesn't go right. Like, yeah, maybe I could have done better. Maybe I could have fixed the situation.

**0:02:57** - (A): And I don't like to just totally place blame on people. It's like, okay, well, what did I do? What can I do better? And move forward from there. I'm not saying I've ever not blamed somebody, because I think we all do. I think it's just kind of a natural instinct moving forward from there. I have to say, like, I got to own up to these actions. Did I do this? Yes, I did this. Now, I'm not saying that anytime you did something wrong, it was like with a bad intention just sometimes maybe that's how it was perceived.

**0:03:28** - (A): And so then you have to figure out from your ownership, okay, how do I unify the people that are around me? Like, if I make a mistake with my husband, how do I take that and unify that situation with him? So I have that power of who I am and what I'm aiming to do with my life. So I have to go to him, reconcile all that good stuff. Now then after we own up, take ownership, unify the situation, serve those people.

**0:03:58** - (A): This is one thing I do a lot in my life, is really I serve people almost to a fault. And I think this is a place where I really get lost in my power is it shifts from serving to people pleasing. And I know if anybody else out there understands what it's like to be a people pleaser, you can do for them over and over and over again, and you're like, hey, but I'm trying to serve you. But it's really you're just trying to please those people.

**0:04:27** - (A): So finding that ground of where you can say, hey, how do I serve you? Without this becoming a negative thing of people pleasing. When you start to people please, you will start to lose your power. Because then it just becomes all about, what can you do for them? What can you do for them? Trying to gain their love, respect, whatever it's you're looking for in that person, just based on doing things for them, there's not that, hey, I'm going to serve. I'm going to serve you hard.

**0:04:58** - (A): And then I'm going to also place that boundary of this is where I'm now who I need to be, instead of just letting this ruin my life. Potentially, for some people, it's just running their life. They never have the power to say, hey, I can't do that right now, but I'll do that in the morning, or, hey, I have that set to take care of on Friday. So we have to be really careful to not lose our power in the things that serve us really well, like being a servant leader.

**0:05:30** - (A): That is such an honorable trait, but we don't want to lose it in our life in that process. And then when you go through all those things, you want to be excellent who you are. For me, I'm not perfect, but I do try to be very excellent. What I do when I'm taking care of things, when I am tasked with something, I try to do it to the best of my ability in an excellent fashion. Now, sometimes that becomes a little bit of perfectionism. I know that's something I have dealt with and that women tend to deal with in general is that perfectionism key?

**0:06:11** - (A): Because we want to do it right. We want to do it right the first time. We don't want to make mistakes. Like, who wants to make knowing mistakes? But just trying to do your best every single time. And that level of excellency that you have for yourself is going to carry you into continuing to keep your power of like, hey, this is who I am, not obsessing over the task. And ultimately you may not even get it done because you're sitting there waiting on it to be perfect or you get it done, but maybe you're late on the deadline. Whatever that is, doing it with excellence, potentially getting some feedback is better than saying, like, not doing it at all or being late or whatever that is for you.

**0:06:55** - (A): So you want to keep your power and just who you are and be like, hey, I'm open to feedback. I'm open to this is my excellent that I am bringing to the table, but I'm also open to feed. So now that we talked about the core values that drive the things that you do now, what do those things mean to you? Why do you want to be honored? Why do you want to be a person of ownership, unity, servant, leadership, and excellence? Why do those things matter in everything that you do, going back to that smaller version of yourself? And what do all those things mean to you?

**0:07:33** - (A): So that way you can create situations where you can one acknowledge those feelings. Maybe something bothered you that wouldn't bother the average person. Maybe it's something that you felt betrayed or unacknowledged in or something like that is we take all those core values and we say, hey, why is this bothering me? So that way we can take a minute, control what's being said from our end, but then also we can make a better decision based on the core values we have, based on the things we've been through.

**0:08:10** - (A): And that way, either one, we need to establish a precedence so people can understand, hey, I've been through XYZ situation, this is why this is bothering me. And this is perhaps a boundary that I've set to make sure that I can still function but still protect myself too, because I believe I talked about it on an earlier podcast. Boundaries are not for other people. They are for you. Because you cannot control other people you can only control your responses back to people.

**0:08:42** - (A): And so when you have that boundary in place, sometimes you have to explain, hey, this is what's going on. You can make a better view of what you're wanting to accomplish in your life. So when we do those things, we acknowledge the little person inside of us, the things that that little person inside of us went through, the values that we have, we can step into the power of who we were created to be. Because God didn't place you to be in a situation where you hide from everything.

**0:09:12** - (A): He didn't place you in a situation to run away from things. Now, do we do those things occasionally? Absolutely. I've done them myself too. Sometimes I feel like people get a little too much of me, and so I feel like I have to hide myself. But once again, that's people pleasing. That's not living out who God designed you to be. He gave you desires, he gave you talents, he gave you all the things that you need to accomplish your work for Him in the kingdom that is here on Earth.

**0:09:47** - (A): And so when we start to shy away from things, when we start to let the negative words attack us, when we start to let the things from the outside beat us down and not allow that we are letting that power of who we are. Go. We are letting people potentially things, health issues, whatever it is, take control of who we are instead of living in that power of like, hey, that may be how you view me. It may not, may or may not be true, but here is what I am about, here's what my vision for this situation is, and this is what I'm trying to create.

**0:10:29** - (A): Sorry if that's not relaying to you, but I promise, like, hey, this is my goal and my vision and I'm just trying to do my best to live out my core values in what I do. And I'll tell you all day long that other person may not listen, they may not care, whatever that is. You just have to acknowledge that I followed myself. I didn't run away from the situation. I stepped up. I said, hey, this is what I'm going to handle.

**0:10:59** - (A): I'm going to make sure that at least we have some kind of agreement in how to step forward together. But I'm just not going to let that person run over me and take over my life because I may or may not disagree with their view of me. So in all of this, I hope you find some encouragement, dig down deep, find out what those core values are, talk to your little self. Say for me, little Sam, what about the situations you've been through are triggering what's going on right now?

**0:11:33** - (A): And then make yourself a game plan. I told a trusted person this is what I need to do because this is what I'm carrying, and this is what I'm not willing to carry anymore. I'm hoping that resolves the situation. It may just be attention I have to continue to manage, not something that's just going to be fixed initially, but what I'm not going to do is slip back into those negative things of gossip, people pleasing, having no boundaries on my life, those types of things.

**0:12:12** - (A): When you agree or disagree with how people handle their lives, you can't control that, but you can absolutely control everything that you're doing today. And so I hope that you find some encouragement in this. I'm so glad that I get to share from a place of personal testimony. Like, these are things that I'm going through that I'm sharing with you. So that way, one, you don't feel alone. You feel absolutely seen in who you are.

**0:12:36** - (A): I see the struggles. I've been through the struggles, and let me tell you, some things are just really hard. And some of those feelings just don't go away as fast as people would like them to. And you have to be okay with feeling those feelings regardless of what anybody thinks of you. And so just remember that if you need to reach out to me on Instagram, send me a message. I'm here for you. That's what this is for.

**0:13:04** - (A): So that we can build a community of enlightened women that are encouraged, that are not only in that role of mom, but they are in that role of who God created them to be. And I want you to live out everything that God has for you, because that's the dreams, the desires, the talents that he has possessed on you to steward well and go out and make a difference in this world for him. And so I want you to feel encouraged in that. I want you to see who you really are and move forward in hopefully finding some solutions that work for you.

**0:13:38** - (A): If you need help with that, like I said, reach out to me on Instagram and we'll talk and we'll start working through and hashing out some things because you are more than mom. You are this beautiful creation that God has put on this earth for a purpose. And I can't wait to hear from you guys and talk to you all next week.