Wendy Green:

Hello and welcome to Hey Boomer.

Wendy Green:

The show for those of us who believe that we are never too old to set another goal or

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dream a new dream.

Wendy Green:

I am your host, Wendy Green.

Wendy Green:

And today we are going to be talking.

Wendy Green:

About what it's like to be an adoptee.

Wendy Green:

What the experience is as a child in an adopted family with the experiences of trying

Wendy Green:

to locate your birth parents and how difficult that can be and what some of the

Wendy Green:

outcomes of that may be.

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And we are going to be basing this episode on a documentary that is called Reckoning

Wendy Green:

with the Primal Wound, which our guest was a part of that documentary, and it talks about

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the primal wound that many adopted children and adults experience.

Wendy Green:

And it got me thinking about when I was pregnant, and I loved being pregnant.

Wendy Green:

I know that's not the experience for everybody.

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My daughter did not like being pregnant, but I loved it.

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I kind of tracked every moment of it and what was happening.

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And, you know, if you think about it, I mean, as a as the mother, we are sharing our

Wendy Green:

blood system, We are sharing nourishment.

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We are sharing our emotions.

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They say that the fetus can hear through the uterine wall.

Wendy Green:

And so we are sharing all of that with the child.

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And then suddenly this child is born, the umbilical cord is cut.

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And they are an individual.

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In my case, when my daughter was born, they took her away for 12 hours.

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I was like crazy.

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I never got to hold her at the moment she was born.

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Totally different experience with my son.

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I did get to hold him.

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We he did not leave the delivery room for quite a while, you know, for them to clean

Wendy Green:

him up because I was holding him and trying to nurse him.

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So it was a totally different experience when my son was born, and it made me think about

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how difficult it would be for a birth mother to have to let go of the child that she has

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nourished and raised and grown inside of her for nine months.

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But I don't know how the child feels when they are suddenly taken away.

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So that's part of what we are going to talk about in this episode.

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My guest today, Doris Blumenthal, may never have been held by her mother.

Wendy Green:

She doesn't know.

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Her adoption was prearranged.

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And so she was adopted from the moment she was born.

Wendy Green:

She knew she was adopted.

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She also knew that she didn't quite fit into her adopted family.

Wendy Green:

And there were feelings that she experienced that she wasn't really able to understand as

Wendy Green:

a young child.

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And then when she got older and wanted to find her birth parents, that became quite a

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challenge because of the closed adoptions that were part of the reality when she was

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adopted in the sixties.

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So the story that she has to tell about that journey is quite an interesting and amazing

Wendy Green:

story, and we'll talk about that as well.

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Before I bring her on, I want to mention one of my sponsors.

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I also wanted to invite you to the Hey Boomer banter.

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And the hey Boomer banter is a place where we get together monthly as members.

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It's a membership.

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It's a membership opportunity.

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And we get together and we talk about things that are important and relevant and fun.

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I always suggest we well, we do it the third Tuesday of every month.

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I always suggest people bring their favorite nighttime beverage and let's just relax and

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talk and build relationships and build community.

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We do break into smaller groups so that we have more intimate discussions this month,

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which is February 21st, when we're going to be meeting, we're talking about friendship,

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all different kinds of friendships.

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If you're interested in trying out the banter, drop me an email.

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I will send you a one time link to the

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Zoom, to the Zoom link and you will be able to join us one time without being a member

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and find out how much you love it.

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to this show.

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Go ahead and leave some comments in the chat to let us know how much you enjoyed the

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banter. All right.

Wendy Green:

So Doris, Doris was born in San Francisco in 1961, and as I said, she was adopted

Wendy Green:

immediately. She grew up in a multicultural suburb of San Francisco and attended the

Wendy Green:

University of California Davis campus where she met her husband, Rob.

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And then they moved to the Sierra foothills in 1990 and raised their son there.

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After her parents passed.

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That's when she began her journey to find her birth families and she found the birth

Wendy Green:

family. Details around 2015 with the help of the Alma Society dot org and find my family

Wendy Green:

dot org. Her search story is featured in the documentary Reckoning with the Primal Wound,

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which was produced and directed by Rebecca Autumn, Sansom and Pre premiered last year at

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the Catalina Film Festival.

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Doris is a very active community volunteer, and her primary focus is making health care

Wendy Green:

available to the underserved and especially to children.

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She has been happily married for 37 years and is an avid traveler.

Wendy Green:

So with that.

Wendy Green:

Welcome, Doris.

Wendy Green:

Hi, how are you?

Wendy Green:

I am good. So glad to have you here.

Wendy Green:

Thank you for this.

Wendy Green:

So, Doris, I wanted to start out with we said that you were adopted immediately and

Wendy Green:

that you didn't feel like you really fit into your family that adopted you.

Wendy Green:

So can you tell me about your early childhood experiences?

Doris Blumenthal:

Well, it was no secret at all that I was adopted.

Doris Blumenthal:

It was my birth announcement literally said, Hello, I'm adopted.

Doris Blumenthal:

And then when you opened it, it said I wasn't expected.

Doris Blumenthal:

I was selected, which adds a whole lot of burden of of performance on the kids part.

Doris Blumenthal:

People were overjoyed for my mom and dad, and I remember a lot of comments, just like

Doris Blumenthal:

you're so lucky to have them as your parents.

Doris Blumenthal:

You're so, you know, wow, You know, where would you be if it wasn't for them?

Doris Blumenthal:

And as an adult now, I pretty much figure somebody else would have bought me.

Doris Blumenthal:

I mean, that's basically what it comes down to, is it was I was a commodity.

Doris Blumenthal:

And I don't know if my birth mother had any say.

Doris Blumenthal:

Nowadays, a lot of times when you give up a child, you can help select the parent and you

Doris Blumenthal:

know, you can look for certain maybe religious needs or educational.

Doris Blumenthal:

What's important to you for the child that you're entrusting to somebody else?

Doris Blumenthal:

I believe that back then, being an unwed parent was just so shameful.

Doris Blumenthal:

And so and that shame clouded on to me in that here I was, this sort of mistake

Doris Blumenthal:

or, you know, bad event.

Doris Blumenthal:

And I was rescued by my mom and dad when they when they adopted me.

Doris Blumenthal:

So I remember that very clearly.

Doris Blumenthal:

I remember immediately looking at my mom's extended family with whom we spent a lot of

Doris Blumenthal:

time and all we all went to the same church.

Doris Blumenthal:

Most of us looked in the same town and quickly noticing I didn't look like anybody.

Doris Blumenthal:

I had this red curly hair.

Doris Blumenthal:

Everybody else is here was pretty much pin straight.

Doris Blumenthal:

I was very, very fair skinned and my mom and her mom were both very olive complected

Doris Blumenthal:

Swedes and.

Doris Blumenthal:

I just as every year went by, it was really obvious that these were not my birth parents

Doris Blumenthal:

and it wasn't like anybody.

Doris Blumenthal:

We'd never tried to cover it up or anything, but I think I felt like it just.

Doris Blumenthal:

Made the fact that I was adopted so evident, much like I would think a biracial adoptee

Doris Blumenthal:

would be, where, you know, you're Asian and you're growing up with white parents or

Doris Blumenthal:

whatever. And I'm not saying that that causes your parents to love you any less if

Doris Blumenthal:

you don't look like them.

Doris Blumenthal:

But it does raise a lot of questions that unadopted people don't have to deal with.

Wendy Green:

Right, Right. And and as a child, you know, you experienced other families where, you

Wendy Green:

know, mom and dad were the birth parents and obviously your parents weren't.

Wendy Green:

Was there any feeling from the other children that you were different?

Doris Blumenthal:

It would be mentioned.

Doris Blumenthal:

I think kids themselves are pretty tolerant of a lot of things and not so much in my

Doris Blumenthal:

younger years.

Doris Blumenthal:

But when I got into my teen years and it was becoming really clear that my adopted mother

Doris Blumenthal:

was somewhat mentally ill.

Doris Blumenthal:

I remember friends saying to me, Well, at least you're adopted, and whatever is with

Doris Blumenthal:

her hopefully won't be transferred to you.

Doris Blumenthal:

But I don't feel like you'd get a lot of questions.

Doris Blumenthal:

Well, who's your real mom and dad?

Doris Blumenthal:

And I had been taught very early on my adoptive parents were my real mom and dad.

Doris Blumenthal:

You have to. You're conditioned from day one.

Doris Blumenthal:

To try to forget that there was ever that you were carried by anyone else, that somehow

Doris Blumenthal:

you just dropped from the sky into your adoptive parents hands.

Doris Blumenthal:

And there was no prior relationship with anybody up until that point.

Doris Blumenthal:

And. That's it.

Wendy Green:

Yeah. And you know, and these comments that people make about you're so lucky that you

Wendy Green:

were adopted. I mean, you know, they're well-meaning, but what does that feel like

Wendy Green:

when when you hear that.

Doris Blumenthal:

It gives you a huge feeling of having to be responsible for showing your gratitude,

Doris Blumenthal:

for maybe keeping silent and keeping sweet a little bit more than most kids would, Because

Doris Blumenthal:

how ungrateful is it if you disagree with your parent or you tell them you don't like

Doris Blumenthal:

something or you don't want to go to this place or that place because.

Doris Blumenthal:

We adopted you. See you.

Doris Blumenthal:

Oh, there. You literally owe them kind of your your existence and.

Doris Blumenthal:

Society conditions you to be grateful.

Doris Blumenthal:

And if you're not grateful, you are the worst person ever.

Doris Blumenthal:

Because what kind of person wouldn't be grateful for being rescued from some horrible

Doris Blumenthal:

unknown fate?

Doris Blumenthal:

Right. And I think that's part of the problem is.

Doris Blumenthal:

There's sort of an assumption that if you weren't adopted, you'd end up like Oliver

Doris Blumenthal:

Twist in a workhouse or something, you know, grinding away at a millstone all day long and

Doris Blumenthal:

eating gruel. And I don't necessarily think that's the case.

Doris Blumenthal:

Like I said, I think if my parents hadn't made the arrangement, somebody else would

Doris Blumenthal:

have. Would I have been better off or less better off?

Doris Blumenthal:

I don't know. But.

Doris Blumenthal:

Right. You know, there's but it is a very burdensome thing to be told over and over.

Doris Blumenthal:

Oh, you must be so grateful.

Doris Blumenthal:

You're so lucky.

Doris Blumenthal:

And then, in my case, having that compounded with a mother who probably shouldn't have

Doris Blumenthal:

been a mother, honestly, she had nine miscarriages before she had me.

Doris Blumenthal:

I think the universe was definitely trying to tell her something and she didn't want to

Doris Blumenthal:

listen. And so that's a whole other element in my mind of the whole adoption issue is.

Doris Blumenthal:

The fitness of the parent and what kind of screening now?

Doris Blumenthal:

I think in most cases it's much stricter, but especially in adoptions arranged out of

Doris Blumenthal:

this country, it's really become a commodification situation where.

Doris Blumenthal:

You know, I know a lot of adoptees from the Soviet Union, and it seems as though their

Doris Blumenthal:

stories are very similar, where maybe their parents are very poor or addicted.

Doris Blumenthal:

Somehow one of the parents ends up in the hospital and the child is with them and the

Doris Blumenthal:

government sweeps in to rescue the child, removes them from their parents, and then

Doris Blumenthal:

adopts them to another country for a very hefty price.

Doris Blumenthal:

And so there's this whole business adoption.

Doris Blumenthal:

It's just it's it's all such a complicated web and.

Doris Blumenthal:

There's no way to say how you could make it better.

Wendy Green:

Yeah. So the primal wound is that.

Wendy Green:

Is that all of this feeling of I don't fit in.

Doris Blumenthal:

Or I think, how do you describe that?

Doris Blumenthal:

I think it's how I see it.

Doris Blumenthal:

As there was a woman, my mother grew inside of her for approximately ten months.

Doris Blumenthal:

I lived in another person.

Doris Blumenthal:

That in and of itself has to give you a bond that.

Doris Blumenthal:

Never you don't ever forget it.

Doris Blumenthal:

You you don't literally remember it because you were, you know, a fetus.

Doris Blumenthal:

But there's a connection there.

Doris Blumenthal:

And when.

Doris Blumenthal:

But it was born.

Doris Blumenthal:

That connection was just completely split.

Doris Blumenthal:

It was severed, never to be brought back again.

Doris Blumenthal:

And that's my wound.

Doris Blumenthal:

Is that that connection that I had to the person you are literally closest to in your

Doris Blumenthal:

whole entire existence is just swept away.

Doris Blumenthal:

And you don't ever get it back.

Doris Blumenthal:

And the comfort that you see when your kid, if you're injured or scared, you go to

Doris Blumenthal:

whoever is raising you or.

Doris Blumenthal:

Any, you know, anybody that will hold you at that moment or pick you up if you fallen down

Doris Blumenthal:

until your mommy can get there or whatever.

Doris Blumenthal:

But. At some point, there's not that actual connection.

Doris Blumenthal:

And one of the things I found out just at the premiere of the film was.

Doris Blumenthal:

A lot of us.

Doris Blumenthal:

Don't expect any of our relationships to last.

Doris Blumenthal:

It's not a reflection on our partners or our friends or our loved ones.

Doris Blumenthal:

But what I said during the Q&A at the film was that I know my husband loves me, I

Doris Blumenthal:

absolutely know he loves me.

Doris Blumenthal:

But if he walked in right this minute and said, I don't want you in my life anymore,

Doris Blumenthal:

I'm leaving. I'd be totally devastated, but I wouldn't be surprised.

Wendy Green:

I big big guy at National.

Wendy Green:

Yeah.

Doris Blumenthal:

That initial sense of entitlement.

Doris Blumenthal:

Yeah I really and like I said, it's my good friends.

Doris Blumenthal:

I know they have my back.

Doris Blumenthal:

I know they love me dearly.

Doris Blumenthal:

And the last thing I want to do is hurt anybody with my words or the way I think.

Doris Blumenthal:

But. I truly.

Doris Blumenthal:

Wouldn't be surprised.

Doris Blumenthal:

I mean, God forbid, even my own son if he said tomorrow, Mom, I just don't want you in

Doris Blumenthal:

my life anymore.

Doris Blumenthal:

Yeah, I figured that was going to happen.

Doris Blumenthal:

I need that's just.

Doris Blumenthal:

And when I said that on the stage at the Q&A, the four women that were up there with

Doris Blumenthal:

me all said, Oh my gosh, me too.

Doris Blumenthal:

That's exactly how I feel all the time.

Wendy Green:

So that and we got all.

Doris Blumenthal:

Raised by different people.

Doris Blumenthal:

Some of us were raised by fabulous parents.

Doris Blumenthal:

Some of us were in and out of social workers and all that.

Doris Blumenthal:

But. We all seem to have that commonality that that.

Doris Blumenthal:

We just don't expect.

Doris Blumenthal:

We can't. I don't think we're even capable of feeling that security.

Doris Blumenthal:

They will be there forever.

Doris Blumenthal:

Because we've never had that.

Wendy Green:

Because you were abandoned right away.

Doris Blumenthal:

Immediately. Exactly.

Wendy Green:

Yeah, exactly.

Doris Blumenthal:

Or so. You know, if I have a better word.

Doris Blumenthal:

Relinquished me.

Doris Blumenthal:

I don't feel like my birth mom abandoned me so much as she had no choice, and she just

Doris Blumenthal:

had to leave me.

Doris Blumenthal:

And that was society.

Doris Blumenthal:

And, you know, but I don't know.

Doris Blumenthal:

I mean, it is a feeling of abandonment.

Doris Blumenthal:

But I hate to say she abandoned me because that makes her sound like a bad person.

Doris Blumenthal:

And she did the very best.

Doris Blumenthal:

I believe She did the very best with the choices in front of her in 1960, one of which

Doris Blumenthal:

there really weren't any.

Wendy Green:

Yeah. So let's talk about Doris.

Wendy Green:

You're you know, what prompted you to try to find your birth parents, your birth families

Wendy Green:

and what that journey was like?

Doris Blumenthal:

Well, you know, of course, like I said, growing up, people, kids will do you know

Doris Blumenthal:

your real mom? Do you know your real dad?

Doris Blumenthal:

The neighborhood I grew up in because it was almost all first generation.

Doris Blumenthal:

I can't think of hardly anybody on my whole entire street that didn't have at least one

Doris Blumenthal:

foreign born grandparent living with them from all over the place.

Doris Blumenthal:

And so in each of our households, our cultures were very important to us.

Doris Blumenthal:

We were I mean, my dad came over here in 1948.

Doris Blumenthal:

That's that's how new we are to America.

Doris Blumenthal:

And so there's this really strong sense of culture and, you know, the pride of being

Doris Blumenthal:

Italian or in our cases being thin Swedes or the people next door to us who were Greek.

Doris Blumenthal:

Very, very important in our neighborhood.

Doris Blumenthal:

And I think in any big city among working class in your if you're an immigrant, you're

Doris Blumenthal:

very proud of where you came from, your your super proud that you're in the States now.

Doris Blumenthal:

But boy, you've got that Finnish drive or whatever.

Doris Blumenthal:

So when I would look at myself, I was raised as Swede.

Doris Blumenthal:

I was we were bilingual at home.

Doris Blumenthal:

But the older I got, I was like, I'm not really sweet.

Wendy Green:

Yeah. Doris is having some trouble with her Internet right now, so this reckoning with

Wendy Green:

the Primal Wound documentary tells the story of her trying to find her birth families.

Wendy Green:

And. Okay, you're back.

Wendy Green:

So let's see if you can get the story through about the search for your birth

Wendy Green:

families.

Doris Blumenthal:

I started looking on and off and before my parents passed away.

Doris Blumenthal:

But this was pre the internet, so you couldn't get it right.

Doris Blumenthal:

Piece of paper, put it in the mail, send it to someplace, and then they would go through

Doris Blumenthal:

hundreds and hundreds of inquiries trying to match up your date of birth and place of

Doris Blumenthal:

birth. So it was just a huge, arduous.

Doris Blumenthal:

Almost unthinkable task.

Doris Blumenthal:

And. Probably around, I'm going to say 1986 ish or so.

Doris Blumenthal:

I read an article and one of the Women's Medal of Honor Society, which is an

Doris Blumenthal:

organization that fights for adoptee.

Doris Blumenthal:

Right. And they had a registry.

Doris Blumenthal:

So I wrote to them and I registered with them and never heard anything back initially.

Doris Blumenthal:

And then life got busy and I had a child.

Doris Blumenthal:

And then in 2007, my parents came to live with us.

Doris Blumenthal:

And there I could I never, ever could mention to my birth that I was interested in

Doris Blumenthal:

finding, I mean, to my adoptive parents, that I was interested in finding my birth

Doris Blumenthal:

parents because it it was like the ultimate horrible insult.

Doris Blumenthal:

And how dare I want to do that and what was wrong with them and all.

Doris Blumenthal:

So once they passed, I decided, you know what?

Doris Blumenthal:

I'm going to just try to start looking.

Doris Blumenthal:

Now we have Internet, we have all these resources.

Doris Blumenthal:

So I contacted all the online women and.

Doris Blumenthal:

Within, I want to say within hours, but it was no longer than a day.

Doris Blumenthal:

I got a response and they said, Well, we've been trying to find you.

Doris Blumenthal:

And we think we have some records for you.

Doris Blumenthal:

And I couldn't believe it.

Doris Blumenthal:

And so they sent me the what they thought was possibly the last name and the first two

Doris Blumenthal:

initials of my birth dad.

Doris Blumenthal:

And so I looked that name up on the Internet and only found a person in Minnesota who had

Doris Blumenthal:

that now that.

Doris Blumenthal:

And unfortunately, he had passed away.

Doris Blumenthal:

But in a way that was a little bit goofy.

Doris Blumenthal:

I had an obituary and the obituary list names of his daughters who are my half

Doris Blumenthal:

sisters. And I immediately went to Facebook, pulled up my the sister closest to me in age,

Doris Blumenthal:

and she looked like me.

Doris Blumenthal:

First person besides my son I've ever seen that looks like me.

Doris Blumenthal:

And I called my husband and my son.

Doris Blumenthal:

I'm like, Look, look at this lady.

Doris Blumenthal:

Doesn't she look like me? And they're like, Oh, gosh.

Doris Blumenthal:

And I'm like, This is crazy.

Doris Blumenthal:

So I was kind of going down a good path with my search as far as that side.

Doris Blumenthal:

But I was really lost as far as the birth mother.

Doris Blumenthal:

And as I'm waiting for either one of my sisters or one of their kids to contact me

Doris Blumenthal:

because I sent little notes out to everybody saying, you know, I think I might somehow be

Doris Blumenthal:

related to you. I keep it vague because I certainly didn't want to say their dad had

Doris Blumenthal:

fathered a child that they didn't know about.

Doris Blumenthal:

And then find out later I had one guy.

Doris Blumenthal:

And so I contacted a second agency called Find my Family dot org and reached out to

Doris Blumenthal:

them. And they were able somehow to get me the last name of my birth mother, the maiden

Doris Blumenthal:

name. And I found that although I had never in my life heard this last name, it was very

Doris Blumenthal:

common in the area where my pets were from.

Doris Blumenthal:

So there was a whole lot of people with this last name.

Doris Blumenthal:

And I started being a narrow it down, and I found a woman who was best friends with my

Doris Blumenthal:

birth dad's sister with that last name, who lived across the street and thought, Oh, it's

Doris Blumenthal:

got to be her. So I contacted her son and.

Doris Blumenthal:

The woman is pretty, pretty profound dementia.

Doris Blumenthal:

But her and her son said, Well, I don't know.

Doris Blumenthal:

I don't know if she is or not.

Doris Blumenthal:

She never mentioned it to me.

Doris Blumenthal:

But you're welcome to come to Las Vegas and speak with her with me present, which I told

Doris Blumenthal:

stood. And so I went out and she was just the cutest thing.

Doris Blumenthal:

And at one point she looked at me and she said, Well, I don't know, honey.

Doris Blumenthal:

I think if I'd had a daughter and given her that, I'd remember that.

Doris Blumenthal:

And which you would, you know, who knows when you have dementia if you would or not.

Doris Blumenthal:

But as it was not my birth mom, but her cousin was.

Doris Blumenthal:

And by now I had been in contact with my sisters and one of my birth beds.

Doris Blumenthal:

Sisters sent yearbooks out to me and marked the pages with every female with this last

Doris Blumenthal:

name. And so I was looking, came through.

Doris Blumenthal:

And then.

Doris Blumenthal:

I found who was pretty much my twin.

Wendy Green:

And really.

Doris Blumenthal:

That absolutely floored me.

Doris Blumenthal:

I couldn't believe that the that well, the resemblance I have I should have printed

Doris Blumenthal:

them. But there's a picture of my birth dad at about 14 and a picture of my son at the

Doris Blumenthal:

same age and they an uncle.

Doris Blumenthal:

And my birth mom until her around her twenties.

Doris Blumenthal:

She and I resembled each other very, very strongly and have a lot of the same habits,

Doris Blumenthal:

which I thought was really odd.

Wendy Green:

Like, how did you find that.

Doris Blumenthal:

Out for years?

Doris Blumenthal:

And because when my half brother, her son, wrote.

Doris Blumenthal:

I right up on Arman.

Doris Blumenthal:

He said she had a half pack of Benson and Hedges ultralight one hand in her pocket,

Doris Blumenthal:

which is the exact brand I smoked almost the entire time that I was a smoker.

Doris Blumenthal:

And it's a very odd.

Doris Blumenthal:

It's not like Marlboro or camel that, you know, everybody smokes has had.

Doris Blumenthal:

She was a voracious reader.

Doris Blumenthal:

She loved to have a cocktail.

Doris Blumenthal:

Just weird little things.

Doris Blumenthal:

And then as I started doing more research, I was able to trace where she lived in San

Doris Blumenthal:

Francisco and, you know, in the bay later.

Doris Blumenthal:

And at times during my growing up, we lived a mile apart.

Doris Blumenthal:

Oh, that's which I think is just so strange.

Doris Blumenthal:

I would probably pastor in the grocery store, I don't know.

Doris Blumenthal:

And again, I don't have any idea if she ever met my parents.

Doris Blumenthal:

That raised me. So I don't know.

Doris Blumenthal:

If this was intentional or it was just a fluke.

Doris Blumenthal:

I mean, the thing is, the Bay Area is huge.

Doris Blumenthal:

And the fact that.

Doris Blumenthal:

She and I lived so close together and then later in college at different times.

Doris Blumenthal:

But still.

Doris Blumenthal:

My half brother and I both lived in the same apartment building.

Wendy Green:

Jeez.

Doris Blumenthal:

That's wild. So, I mean, it is.

Doris Blumenthal:

It's very, very strange.

Doris Blumenthal:

So finally, through really doing a lot of research and thankfully, Arizona, which is

Doris Blumenthal:

where my birth mother moved to, they're very open with their records, which was really

Doris Blumenthal:

nice. So by birth, Mother's half sister was very helpful in telling me the town she lived

Doris Blumenthal:

in and an address that she had used to live at, that she had rented.

Doris Blumenthal:

And what my aunt told me was that she was now living in another home owned by the same

Doris Blumenthal:

people who owned the house she rented.

Doris Blumenthal:

So I was able to contact the records and find out who owned the first house she lived

Doris Blumenthal:

in. And then they will need what other properties these people owned.

Doris Blumenthal:

And one of the things my aunt told me is that my mom was living in a downstairs

Doris Blumenthal:

apartment and then the garage of the house was above her because it was on a hillside.

Doris Blumenthal:

And then when the people who owned the home would travel, my mom would go stay in the

Doris Blumenthal:

house. So now I know where she is and.

Doris Blumenthal:

So what do we do? We drive to Arizona, of course, but his got to go find her.

Doris Blumenthal:

So we drive.

Doris Blumenthal:

Drive all the way to Prescott, Arizona, and the first house.

Doris Blumenthal:

We went to was actually the wrong address, and that's when we went the next day to the

Doris Blumenthal:

county records office.

Doris Blumenthal:

And this woman who had been so incredibly helpful, she pulled up the other properties

Doris Blumenthal:

and we were not only able to get the address, we could see the building plants.

Doris Blumenthal:

So we knew this was the right place because we could see the garage with the apartment

Doris Blumenthal:

and the house and all this.

Doris Blumenthal:

So. We that was at about.

Doris Blumenthal:

2:00 in the afternoon because they had just come back from lunch.

Doris Blumenthal:

We got in the car, drove to the house, went up to the front door, and the front door was

Doris Blumenthal:

completely glass so you could see inside and it looked into a family room and kitchen.

Doris Blumenthal:

And on the kitchen counter I could see a pair of glasses just like laid down a book

Doris Blumenthal:

overturned marking a spot, a pack of cigarettes and.

Doris Blumenthal:

Oh, a cup, a mug.

Doris Blumenthal:

And so nobody answered.

Doris Blumenthal:

And I said to my husband, Well, she must have just run out to the post office or the

Doris Blumenthal:

store or something because you wouldn't go away and just leave your things just sitting

Doris Blumenthal:

there for, you know, a vacation or something.

Doris Blumenthal:

So.

Wendy Green:

We laughed. But you had not contacted her ahead of time to let her know you were

Wendy Green:

coming?

Doris Blumenthal:

I didn't because I just wanted to see her once, and I was afraid if I told her I was

Doris Blumenthal:

coming, she would say, Don't come.

Doris Blumenthal:

And if she said, I don't want to see you, I would have had to respect that.

Doris Blumenthal:

So I didn't want to give her the opportunity to do that because I just wanted to see her

Doris Blumenthal:

once. And and this sounds really odd, but I wanted sounds really funny.

Doris Blumenthal:

I wanted to smell her, and I can't.

Doris Blumenthal:

I know it sounds strange, but there's something about when you hug someone you

Doris Blumenthal:

really, really are connected to.

Doris Blumenthal:

Part of that feeling is their essence.

Doris Blumenthal:

You and me.

Doris Blumenthal:

It's just like smelling a certain aroma or a flower that takes you back to a certain

Doris Blumenthal:

memory. Really specifically.

Doris Blumenthal:

And I don't know why, but it was just really important to me to hug her once.

Doris Blumenthal:

And feel that.

Doris Blumenthal:

And so.

Doris Blumenthal:

We went back to our hotel and we talked for a while, and then I got a message from my

Doris Blumenthal:

half brother via Facebook that said, It's come to my attention that you're in Prescott

Doris Blumenthal:

and you want to harass my mother and she doesn't want to see you.

Doris Blumenthal:

And if you contact her, I'm going to call the police and you have a picture of her on

Doris Blumenthal:

Facebook and you need to take that down because you can't put that up.

Doris Blumenthal:

And it was just very nasty.

Doris Blumenthal:

And I tried to stay as nice as I could.

Doris Blumenthal:

And if you know me, sometimes that's a bit of a stretch.

Doris Blumenthal:

I, I wrote back and I said, you know what?

Doris Blumenthal:

I'm here and I own the picture.

Doris Blumenthal:

So if I want to put it on a billboard, I will.

Doris Blumenthal:

And I'm not going to harass her.

Doris Blumenthal:

I'm certainly not here to shake down a woman who basically has no money.

Doris Blumenthal:

I just want to see her once.

Doris Blumenthal:

And if if that displeases you, I'm sorry.

Doris Blumenthal:

And if you want to call the police, go right ahead.

Doris Blumenthal:

Because I don't think I've committed any crimes, nor do I plan to.

Doris Blumenthal:

So have a good day.

Doris Blumenthal:

And we went to go to dinner and I said to my husband because we were leaving the next day,

Doris Blumenthal:

I said, you know, I'm just going to call her.

Doris Blumenthal:

I'm going to leave a message, tell her my intent and call left a message said, Hi, it's

Doris Blumenthal:

me. I don't know if you want to see me or not, but I came all this way.

Doris Blumenthal:

I just want to meet with you once.

Doris Blumenthal:

If you don't want to do it at your home, we can meet in a park or a library or a coffee

Doris Blumenthal:

place. I don't want to hurt you.

Doris Blumenthal:

I just want to see you once.

Doris Blumenthal:

Just one time. And.

Doris Blumenthal:

And honestly, I would like you to see your grandson because I'm very proud of him.

Doris Blumenthal:

And he's a wonderful person.

Doris Blumenthal:

And I just want you to meet him once and start getting emotional.

Doris Blumenthal:

Sorry. And so we went to dinner and we were walking back and my phone rang and it was her

Doris Blumenthal:

number. And I just got, you know, like, chills.

Doris Blumenthal:

I was like, oh, my gosh, she's calling me.

Doris Blumenthal:

She's calling me. That's great.

Doris Blumenthal:

And I pick up the phone and it's a man.

Doris Blumenthal:

And he says, Is this Doris Blumenthal or no, He said, This is sergeant whoever.

Doris Blumenthal:

Who am I speaking to?

Doris Blumenthal:

And I said, Well, why are you calling me?

Doris Blumenthal:

What do you want? And he said, Well, you call this number.

Doris Blumenthal:

And I said, Yeah.

Doris Blumenthal:

And he goes, Well, why're you calling it?

Doris Blumenthal:

And at this point I thought perhaps my brother had enlisted the help of to throw me

Doris Blumenthal:

off the court. I believe this was a policeman, because why would a policeman call

Doris Blumenthal:

me that? I hadn't done anything illegal.

Doris Blumenthal:

So why would the cops be involved in this?

Doris Blumenthal:

And so I stirred this whole thing like you are not a policeman, you know, Stop it.

Doris Blumenthal:

I know my brother put you up to this, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Doris Blumenthal:

And the policeman is like, No, I'm just trying to track down somebody who knows this,

Doris Blumenthal:

your birth mom and I.

Doris Blumenthal:

I said, Well, you know why?

Doris Blumenthal:

What's going on?

Doris Blumenthal:

And he said, Well, who are you?

Doris Blumenthal:

And I said, Okay.

Doris Blumenthal:

I said, I was adopted.

Doris Blumenthal:

She's my birth mom.

Doris Blumenthal:

What is going on?

Doris Blumenthal:

And he said, Well, I'm really sorry to tell you this, but she's passed away like my legs

Doris Blumenthal:

buckled.

Wendy Green:

Yeah.

Doris Blumenthal:

And so close.

Doris Blumenthal:

Well, and I still was kind of in a sense of disbelief, you know, is this really true or

Doris Blumenthal:

is my brother or somebody calling me to say she's dead, so I'll go away?

Doris Blumenthal:

And so I said, you know, I looked at Rob and Tim and I think I might have even given Rob

Doris Blumenthal:

the phone. It's kind of a blur.

Doris Blumenthal:

And so he said, I said, Well, I do have a half brother.

Doris Blumenthal:

This is his name.

Doris Blumenthal:

This is where he lives.

Doris Blumenthal:

I don't have a phone number.

Doris Blumenthal:

I'm sorry. But if you you're on her phone.

Doris Blumenthal:

Clearly so I'm sure he's in there.

Doris Blumenthal:

I said, or else we have an aunt and I can give you her number.

Doris Blumenthal:

And so we started to go back to the hotel and we're walking back there and the phone

Doris Blumenthal:

rings again. And this time it was a different number.

Doris Blumenthal:

And so I answered it, and it was the detective using his own phone.

Doris Blumenthal:

And he said, Where are you?

Doris Blumenthal:

And I said, Well, we're walking on the square back to the hacienda.

Doris Blumenthal:

And he said, I need you to go back there and stay there till I get there.

Doris Blumenthal:

And I said, Well, why?

Doris Blumenthal:

And he said, Well, your brother has indicated that you might be a person of

Doris Blumenthal:

interest. You may somehow be involved in your mom's passing.

Doris Blumenthal:

Right. And I said, But I've never even met her, you know.

Doris Blumenthal:

This doesn't make any sense, you know?

Doris Blumenthal:

It just my whole mind at this point was just absolutely reeling.

Doris Blumenthal:

So we went back to the hotel and the deputy came out and interviewed me.

Doris Blumenthal:

And, you know, we had first of all, we're like, you know, your average American family.

Doris Blumenthal:

Clearly, we didn't go and whack some old lady we'd never met.

Doris Blumenthal:

And second of all, we had been at the county records office just prior to her death, and

Doris Blumenthal:

we had a very traceable day.

Doris Blumenthal:

You know, we had we covered our steps.

Doris Blumenthal:

Well, no, I mean, we were able to really back up what we were saying we had done.

Doris Blumenthal:

And he was really satisfied with that and, you know, gave his condolences and said, you

Doris Blumenthal:

know, I really hope you can work things out with your brother, which never happened.

Wendy Green:

But as it turns out, you never got to meet your mom or your dad.

Wendy Green:

No, but you have a relationship with your half sisters.

Doris Blumenthal:

My sisters and I are very close, and my one sister has four children and I enjoy them and

Doris Blumenthal:

their children very much.

Doris Blumenthal:

And then my mom's half sister and my Auntie Myra.

Doris Blumenthal:

She and I get along fabulously.

Doris Blumenthal:

I was just out in Minnesota over the summer for a week and got to visit everybody.

Doris Blumenthal:

And that whole side of the family has just been wonderful.

Doris Blumenthal:

And when we the first time I went to go meet my sisters, that my sister's side of the

Doris Blumenthal:

family had a big get together so I could meet everybody.

Doris Blumenthal:

And it's been really nice.

Doris Blumenthal:

I think I've met most.

Doris Blumenthal:

My dad came from a really big family, like eight kids, and a few of them have passed,

Doris Blumenthal:

but I think not positive.

Doris Blumenthal:

I think I've met everybody.

Doris Blumenthal:

It's it's a lot when you go from being an only child and, you know, suddenly you're

Doris Blumenthal:

meeting this and that aunt and these cousins and those people.

Wendy Green:

It.

Doris Blumenthal:

Gets kind of blurry.

Doris Blumenthal:

But, you know, I was.

Doris Blumenthal:

I'm at a point, with the exception of my relationship with my brother, that I'm at

Doris Blumenthal:

peace about everything.

Doris Blumenthal:

I still would like to have a relationship with my brother.

Doris Blumenthal:

I understand his point of view.

Doris Blumenthal:

I understand that.

Doris Blumenthal:

He had no idea.

Doris Blumenthal:

I don't think that I existed.

Doris Blumenthal:

I think much like one of my sisters, one of my sisters was a little angry at first

Doris Blumenthal:

because our father.

Doris Blumenthal:

And died of cancer and was quite ill for a few months and needed very intense care which

Doris Blumenthal:

my sisters provided to him.

Doris Blumenthal:

And I think my one sister really feels like since he knew he was dying, maybe he should

Doris Blumenthal:

have said something or disclose the fact.

Doris Blumenthal:

Oh, by the way.

Doris Blumenthal:

Yeah, somewhere out there.

Doris Blumenthal:

And so I think there's a slight feeling of betrayal or, you know, my dad that I thought

Doris Blumenthal:

I was so close to.

Doris Blumenthal:

I feel like I shattered that for her.

Doris Blumenthal:

And so I think that's the case with my brother as well.

Doris Blumenthal:

I think that I know from everything I've read, my birth mom worked her butt off

Doris Blumenthal:

because my brother's dad died when my brother was two as the result of an accident.

Doris Blumenthal:

My birth mom had a very difficult life.

Doris Blumenthal:

I mean, it was not easy.

Doris Blumenthal:

And she cleaned houses and taught school and worked super, super hard to provide for my

Doris Blumenthal:

brother. And I think that made them very close.

Doris Blumenthal:

So I think he I'm a reminder to him.

Doris Blumenthal:

That there was something he didn't know about.

Doris Blumenthal:

Right.

Wendy Green:

Right. Well, you know what?

Wendy Green:

This is an amazing story, Doris.

Wendy Green:

You have processed all of this as well as you possibly could, and I know that.

Wendy Green:

You know, there's well, I don't know.

Wendy Green:

I would imagine there's some sadness that it didn't all come together the way you wanted

Wendy Green:

to, But at least you have some answers.

Wendy Green:

Some answers.

Wendy Green:

And I appreciate that you were willing to share it with us.

Wendy Green:

If anybody has questions for Doris about the search, she mentioned two organizations, the

Wendy Green:

Alma Society, that's Alma, the Alma Society dot org and find my family dot org.

Wendy Green:

You can. She has graciously said that we could email her.

Wendy Green:

That email is dosey Dreamgirl.

Wendy Green:

So that's d0c which was a nickname for her Dosey dream girl at hotmail dot com.

Wendy Green:

So if you are looking for your birth family and you have any questions for Doris, you can

Wendy Green:

reach out for her out to her there.

Wendy Green:

I want to give a shout out.

Doris Blumenthal:

To the and I'm certainly not an expert, so.

Wendy Green:

But you know, you have some insights that you could help with.

Wendy Green:

So I appreciate that.

Doris Blumenthal:

Yeah. I just I don't want people to have the expectation or think that I think I know

Doris Blumenthal:

everything about adoption or what it's like to be adopted.

Doris Blumenthal:

I know my.

Wendy Green:

Experience. Exactly.

Doris Blumenthal:

And I'm willing to try to help if people need some help, but I can't fix.

Doris Blumenthal:

Right. I couldn't even fix my situation, so.

Wendy Green:

Well, yeah, thanks for that clarification.

Wendy Green:

Before I end, I want to give a shout out to the Greeneville Podcast Company for their

Wendy Green:

expert editing and production of the Hey Boomer podcast, which is available on all the

Wendy Green:

podcast apps.

Wendy Green:

And this will be as well.

Wendy Green:

I also want to invite you to join us on the Hay Boomer banter on February the 21st.

Wendy Green:

It's 630 to 730 in the evening.

Wendy Green:

That's Eastern Time.

Wendy Green:

So if you want to try it out, join us.

Wendy Green:

You can email me at Wendy at Hey Boomer Dot Biz and I will send you a link for that.

Wendy Green:

And if you are looking for some relationship help, whether it's dating help or trying to

Wendy Green:

work out the kinks in a new relationship or even an existing relationship, check out

Wendy Green:

Christine Baumgartner on the perfect Match.com.

Wendy Green:

So next week, next week, we're going to meet.

Wendy Green:

We're going to meet two teenagers, Avery Simon and Eleanor McGirt.

Wendy Green:

They're juniors at Maldon High School.

Wendy Green:

And last year, they started a club at their school called the Young Women's Forum.

Wendy Green:

It is for all who identify as female, and the group aims to create a community of

Wendy Green:

support and activism for girls at their high school.

Wendy Green:

So why am I having teenagers on the Hey Boomer show?

Wendy Green:

Well, because young women like this are our future and promoting what they're doing and

Wendy Green:

building intergenerational conversations.

Wendy Green:

That's important to me and understanding some of the issues that this generation is

Wendy Green:

dealing with and how they are different from some of the issues that we dealt with and how

Wendy Green:

they are the same as some of the issues that we dealt with.

Wendy Green:

So I think this is going to be a really interesting eye opening conversation, and

Wendy Green:

it's an opportunity for us to find ways to work with young women to help them as they

Wendy Green:

move forward. And I always like to leave you with the belief that we can all live with

Wendy Green:

passion, live with relevance, and live with courage.

Wendy Green:

And remember, you are never too old to set a new goal or dream a new dream.

Wendy Green:

My name is Wendy Green, and this is Ben.