1 00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:05,200 Something just happened in the studio just now. That is a perfect example of what this episode is 2 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:08,320 about. And I need to tell you before I get into the intro that I was going to do, I need to tell 3 00:00:08,320 --> 00:00:15,160 you what it is. So we just recorded only about five minutes of the podcast episode, and then J. 4 00:00:15,200 --> 00:00:21,240 R producer who's just next door, just ran in and was like, Heather, I'm so sorry. Um, we need to stop 5 00:00:21,240 --> 00:00:25,600 the episode. I know you're like mid flow. I know you're talking really deeply, but the lighting 6 00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:30,360 isn't right. Like something's wrong with the lighting. And to be fair, it is really important 7 00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:33,880 that you get this stuff right. And so I'm glad Jay stopped for me. Five minutes it. And then it was 8 00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:39,200 only five minutes in. But the reason that's an important story that I tell you is this episode 9 00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:44,880 is all about something that's very deep and personal to me, something it's a philosophy which 10 00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:51,800 is stoicism. And a huge part of the stoic philosophy is when things go wrong, 11 00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:57,320 how we use that to our advantage. And it's like there's a great book that we'll get into called 12 00:00:57,320 --> 00:01:02,409 The Obstacle Is the Way, but the obstacle is the away essentially says when something happens that 13 00:01:02,409 --> 00:01:06,329 feels a little bit frustrating, it might be traffic, it might be you get five minutes into the 14 00:01:06,330 --> 00:01:11,289 podcast episode and the lighting's wrong and you have to stop mid salt and start again. What do you 15 00:01:11,290 --> 00:01:16,929 do? Like how do you respond? Do you think? Oh fuck's sake. You know, I was really in it there. I was like 16 00:01:16,930 --> 00:01:22,329 ready to go. We were really enjoying it. Now we've got to start again. Or do you immediately say to 17 00:01:22,330 --> 00:01:28,809 yourself, okay, that was a slight obstacle, but this is the way. Like, this is the reason my brain 18 00:01:28,809 --> 00:01:34,169 straightaway went to. Yeah, that intro wasn't that good. The one that I just filmed, it wasn't that 19 00:01:34,169 --> 00:01:38,010 good and I was getting a bit lost. I wasn't really happy with it. And now I've got the opportunity to 20 00:01:38,010 --> 00:01:42,410 do it again. And that's exactly what this episode is all about, about things that are outside of 21 00:01:42,410 --> 00:01:49,049 your control, and how I have used stoic philosophy for the last 7 or 8 years now. I've 22 00:01:49,049 --> 00:01:55,849 been, like, deeply sort of ingrained in research, in understanding, reading and putting into practice 23 00:01:55,849 --> 00:02:02,150 stoic philosophy, into my day to day life. It has changed my business, my leadership, my career 24 00:02:02,150 --> 00:02:08,509 success, absolutely. My relationships and money that comes into my life. The success that I have. I 25 00:02:08,630 --> 00:02:15,229 could 100% pin everything back to the decision I made to start building and 26 00:02:15,229 --> 00:02:19,229 understanding stoic philosophy. And so we're going to go through that today. A bit of a beginner's 27 00:02:19,229 --> 00:02:23,229 guide, a whistle stop tour to stoicism. You may have heard the word before. You may have seen it 28 00:02:23,229 --> 00:02:27,990 online. You may have seen people explain things through the lens of stoicism. But like, how does 29 00:02:28,149 --> 00:02:34,070 you know the ancient Greeks 3000 years ago? How does that even begin to compare? How do I even 30 00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:39,149 begin to, like, lay that over my working life, my day to day life? And how is it relevant for me 31 00:02:39,149 --> 00:02:43,509 today? Now, I want you to picture this. I'm 23 years old. I live in Chorlton, which is like a little 32 00:02:43,550 --> 00:02:48,030 suburb on the outskirts of Manchester. I live with my friends. I've just come out of a relationship 33 00:02:48,030 --> 00:02:52,869 that was very rocky the last couple of years of that relationship, just both of us were deeply 34 00:02:52,869 --> 00:02:59,240 unhappy. It was just draining our mental health, our physical health. And so now I'm 23 years old. 35 00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:03,880 I've moved in with my friends, and I'm starting to kind of find a little bit of a lease of life 36 00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:09,720 again, but still feeling very lost. And at that age, I remember every single person around me was in a 37 00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:14,720 relationship, like all my friends were in relationships. I was the only one we'd go to, like 38 00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:20,080 friendship, but friends, barbecues and dinners and birthday parties and blah blah blah nights out. 39 00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:25,239 And everyone was in a couple. And I remember crying so many times when I got home after those 40 00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:30,719 events thinking, it's me. Like I'm the problem. I'm the one that sticks out. I'm the one that isn't 41 00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:35,440 kind of following this traditional conforming path. Like, everyone's been together for years and 42 00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:42,279 years and I'm the only one that's single and I'm lost. And I also felt lost because in my career, 43 00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:47,160 like I did business management as a degree, which in hindsight was incredible. But at the time I 44 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:51,839 felt this real insecurity about the fact that it was so general. So I picked business management 45 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:58,289 because I just wanted like a Realistic degree. That didn't kind of box me in because I didn't 46 00:03:58,289 --> 00:04:03,889 know what I wanted to do. I thought I had this thought when I was like 16, 17, I really wanted to 47 00:04:03,889 --> 00:04:09,649 be a lawyer. I was convinced I wanted to do law. And then one day I decided to sign up for some 48 00:04:09,649 --> 00:04:14,369 work experience, and I went and did like a week's work experience during the summer holidays with 49 00:04:14,369 --> 00:04:21,089 this law firm down in the Cotswolds who just would happen to take in interns. And I hated it, 50 00:04:21,089 --> 00:04:26,769 and I just I just really disliked it. I found it really boring. I really struggled with kind of all 51 00:04:26,769 --> 00:04:31,209 the things that I had to do. And I spoke to some of the, like newly qualified lawyers there who had 52 00:04:31,209 --> 00:04:36,488 been kind of working towards this for years and years. And I just thought that reality is just not 53 00:04:36,489 --> 00:04:43,010 for me. So I did something really general. So when I turned 17, 18 and you put your degree, I was like, 54 00:04:43,010 --> 00:04:47,969 let's pick the one thing that doesn't box me in business management. And then off the back of that, 55 00:04:47,969 --> 00:04:53,170 I went into, as you know, like Harrods assistant manager role, I then went into a PA role. I then 56 00:04:53,170 --> 00:04:58,630 joined a Start-Up go proposal where I kind of joined as like very much a generalist. I was doing 57 00:04:58,630 --> 00:05:02,910 bits of social media, kind of helping out in the support team, as you do with kind of tiny 58 00:05:02,910 --> 00:05:08,589 Start-Ups that, you know, you don't really have these very specific roles. And so there I am, 23 59 00:05:08,590 --> 00:05:15,029 years old, just feeling this sense of like, I don't have anything figured out. And I know in hindsight, 60 00:05:15,070 --> 00:05:21,389 like I just turned 31, and I know in hindsight that 23 is so young and you should you absolutely 61 00:05:21,390 --> 00:05:25,069 should not have it all figured out. There is no way I wish I could go back to that version of me 62 00:05:25,070 --> 00:05:31,510 and be like, just make more mistakes and just be more, you know, frivolous and silly and stop 63 00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:37,429 trying so hard to box yourself in and kind of define yourself and define your career because 64 00:05:37,429 --> 00:05:42,070 you don't need to. I started going to the gym, so I'd gone through this Break-Up and started for 65 00:05:42,070 --> 00:05:45,989 the very first time in my life. Like I was never someone who was into fitness. I was never someone 66 00:05:45,989 --> 00:05:50,469 who was, you know, like the gym wasn't a thing that we did was family or anything. Growing up, fitness 67 00:05:50,469 --> 00:05:54,920 sports wasn't really a thing. But I'd gone through this Break-Up and I found the gym as almost like 68 00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:59,759 an outlet. And I just used to go to the classes at Pure Gym, Big Up, Pure Gym. Anyone who disses Pure 69 00:05:59,799 --> 00:06:05,399 Gym. Now I'm like, no, we don't get to do that because a five kg dumbbell is five kilograms 70 00:06:05,399 --> 00:06:09,799 everywhere. So I was going to these classes at Pure Gym. I'd got up this particular morning at 71 00:06:09,799 --> 00:06:14,240 like 5 a.m. to go and get one of the first trams that went into Manchester city centre to go to 72 00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:19,639 the gym before work, and it's chucking it down like the rain is just hammering, hammering, 73 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:26,559 hammering down and I've got my raincoat on. I was listening to music and I remember stopping just 74 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:31,239 before I got to the actual tram itself in Chorlton tram stop. There's like a bridge that you 75 00:06:31,280 --> 00:06:35,799 can kind of like look over at the trams just before you go down the stairs. So I get to this 76 00:06:35,799 --> 00:06:39,159 bridge, which is just before, like Chorlton tram stop, where you can look over at the trams. And I 77 00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:46,119 remember just looking over at the trams thinking, I feel so lost. I feel so disconnected 78 00:06:46,119 --> 00:06:53,099 from the world, from friends, from life. I feel like I'm just living life on autopilot and kind 79 00:06:53,100 --> 00:06:57,660 of hoping that opportunities will come my way and just hoping that I will figure it out. And I just 80 00:06:57,660 --> 00:07:03,539 felt lost. Like lost is the only way I can describe it. And then I came across a guy online, 81 00:07:03,619 --> 00:07:08,699 this guy called Ryan Holiday, who I still follow now and think he's one of the best influencers in 82 00:07:08,700 --> 00:07:11,739 the world. I've talked about him before. At some point on this podcast, and this will not be the 83 00:07:11,740 --> 00:07:18,499 last time I mention his name. So he is essentially like a modern day, um, 84 00:07:18,659 --> 00:07:24,419 writer. He's an author, he's an influencer. He has this huge kind of blog that has hundreds of 85 00:07:24,419 --> 00:07:29,859 thousands of subscribers, and he writes about stoicism, and he uses these concepts the ancient 86 00:07:29,859 --> 00:07:35,700 Greeks used and applies them on kind of modern day principles of life and work. And I found Ryan 87 00:07:35,700 --> 00:07:40,099 Holiday, I think it was a podcast that I was first listening to where he was a guest on the podcast, 88 00:07:40,099 --> 00:07:46,939 and I remember thinking, this explains he was talking about like not feeling as though you have 89 00:07:46,940 --> 00:07:52,869 any sense of control or agency over the things that you're doing and needing to kind of latch on 90 00:07:52,869 --> 00:07:58,549 to this idea of, okay, we don't control what happens to us, but we can control how we respond. 91 00:07:58,549 --> 00:08:03,709 And I remember feeling as though, like going through this Break-Up. I was so angry and 92 00:08:03,710 --> 00:08:09,709 frustrated at so many things that were kind of out of my control, like so many things that, you 93 00:08:09,709 --> 00:08:14,709 know, it was being angry and frustrated at those things was never going to change anything. I just 94 00:08:14,710 --> 00:08:19,429 felt so lost that I'd kind of channelled everything into this anger and just felt bitter. 95 00:08:19,429 --> 00:08:24,670 And I'd go to these like, friend barbecues and just feel bitter at like, everyone's so happy and 96 00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:30,829 I'm not happy and that's their fault for some reason, because they're settling and I'm not. And I 97 00:08:30,829 --> 00:08:35,988 just felt the sense of like bitterness. So I came across stoicism via Ryan Holiday, and the very 98 00:08:35,989 --> 00:08:40,269 first thing I did was started reading a book called The Daily Stoic. And I subscribed to his 99 00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:45,468 newsletter, which is also called The Daily Stoic, where he sends one kind of bit of stoic wisdom 100 00:08:45,469 --> 00:08:49,799 your way every single morning. And now, if you have any experience with stoicism, everyone tends to 101 00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:56,599 think that it's something that is show no emotion. Like the word stoic we've come to associate 102 00:08:56,599 --> 00:09:02,879 with. They show no emotion whatsoever, and they are kind of like a cold, stoic person. But that is 103 00:09:02,919 --> 00:09:09,880 that's almost the opposite of what stoicism is. So stoicism is feel all the emotions. Feel it. 104 00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:16,759 We are human beings, like we're not meant to be logical, cold, stark. We are. 105 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:22,879 We feel the feelings. But the difference is with stoicism is you have to separate the things you 106 00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:28,080 can and can't control. You have to separate things that happen to you that are very much outside of 107 00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:34,879 your control with how you respond to them. So, for example, traffic like you cannot control, traffic 108 00:09:34,919 --> 00:09:40,159 you cannot control when you're sat there in the morning, the traffic is going, it's so annoying. 109 00:09:40,159 --> 00:09:44,639 It's adding 20 minutes, half an hour to your commute. It's frustrating, okay. But you've kind of 110 00:09:44,679 --> 00:09:48,859 got two options and this goes back to the story we just told about with the studio. Like you've 111 00:09:48,860 --> 00:09:53,939 got two options, which is sit there and just get more and more pissed off at the cars, at the 112 00:09:53,940 --> 00:09:57,739 traffic, even though you're also part of the problem, which I always forget when I'm in traffic, 113 00:09:57,739 --> 00:10:02,699 I'm like, I am actually also the traffic, but you could just get more and more annoyed at this 114 00:10:02,700 --> 00:10:07,659 situation that's completely outside of your control. Or you can bring it internally and go, 115 00:10:07,700 --> 00:10:12,379 look, okay, this is a frustrating situation. We're not going to take that away. But a is there 116 00:10:12,380 --> 00:10:16,979 anything I can do about it? Maybe not right now, but potentially in the future. Like, could I ask to 117 00:10:16,979 --> 00:10:21,699 move my working hours an hour earlier so I could kind of avoid it? Could I get the train in? Um, do 118 00:10:21,699 --> 00:10:26,059 we need to I don't I know this one's a bit more unrealistic, but, like, do we need to move close to 119 00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:31,739 the office? Do I need to get a job closer to home? Is the traffic effecting me negatively that much 120 00:10:31,820 --> 00:10:34,700 that I'm not willing to put up with it anymore? And so I'm going to channel this feeling of 121 00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:41,019 frustration into something helpful that is move job, move house, or get the train. Um, you know, just 122 00:10:41,020 --> 00:10:47,869 just something. But also what stoicism teaches you is in that moment when that traffic is 123 00:10:47,870 --> 00:10:54,749 happening. If we go back to that principle of the obstacle is the way, it's like maybe, just maybe, 124 00:10:54,789 --> 00:11:00,950 you're supposed to be slowed down. Maybe, just maybe, this 40 minutes in the morning that you are 125 00:11:00,950 --> 00:11:05,430 stuck in that traffic this hour, in the morning that you are stuck in that traffic. As frustrating 126 00:11:05,430 --> 00:11:12,109 as it is, if it's unavoidable, maybe the hour is supposed to be for you. Maybe it's that 127 00:11:12,109 --> 00:11:16,670 home feels a bit overwhelming, or feels a bit stressful, or you need the hour to separate your 128 00:11:16,670 --> 00:11:21,349 home life and your work life. Maybe it's that you need the hour to listen to podcasts. Maybe this is 129 00:11:21,349 --> 00:11:25,629 like your safe space where you get to listen to podcasts on the way into work, and if you didn't 130 00:11:25,630 --> 00:11:32,030 have that space, maybe you would feel differently about life. Like, maybe you wouldn't. You know, you 131 00:11:32,030 --> 00:11:37,589 need a bit of a commute. I actually, um, I used to love my commute into work because, and this is one 132 00:11:37,590 --> 00:11:42,390 of my commute was a bit longer, so it's quite short now, but when it was longer and it was more 133 00:11:42,390 --> 00:11:47,479 like 45 minutes. I used to use that time. It was like the only time of the day that I got truly to 134 00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:51,440 myself. Even though I was in a crowd of people, I got truly to myself and I would listen to 135 00:11:51,479 --> 00:11:55,559 podcasts. Like I said, listen to audiobooks, listen to music. Like catch up on all the new music that 136 00:11:55,559 --> 00:11:59,319 I loved and kind of didn't get a chance to listen to at any other point in the day. I would 137 00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:05,039 sometimes even do emails so that when I got into work, my inbox wasn't as hectic and I could kind 138 00:12:05,039 --> 00:12:09,679 of just like sit down and work on and do the working on work. And maybe that's something that 139 00:12:09,679 --> 00:12:14,039 your work will let you do, like use your commute time as actual work time, and then maybe take half 140 00:12:14,039 --> 00:12:18,798 an hour off at the end of the day. And most stoic teachings can be traced back to a guy called 141 00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:23,119 Epictetus. So there's a few different Greek philosophers. Marcus Aurelius, who you may have 142 00:12:23,119 --> 00:12:27,680 heard of, is kind of like the main focus of the film Gladiator. But Epictetus and I'm reading this 143 00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:31,999 off my phone, guys, so I don't get this wrong. But Epictetus was a former slave who became one of 144 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:37,319 the most important stoic philosophers, and he built his entire teaching around one distinction, 145 00:12:37,319 --> 00:12:44,259 which is some things are up to us, aka our judgements, our choices and our reactions. But 146 00:12:44,259 --> 00:12:50,859 some things are not. For example, other people, outcomes, reputation, the economy, other 147 00:12:50,859 --> 00:12:56,899 people's opinion of you. Nearly every modern piece of leadership advice about focusing on what you 148 00:12:56,900 --> 00:13:03,779 can control. Traces back to this one idea, and it was 2000 years before management 149 00:13:03,820 --> 00:13:10,099 theory even existed. But what's important to know is that stoicism has had a really big 150 00:13:10,099 --> 00:13:14,780 resurgence in the last decade. So over the last sort of ten years, especially with Ryan Holiday 151 00:13:14,819 --> 00:13:18,819 kind of becoming a more prominent figure and writing more books, he's got the obstacle. It's the 152 00:13:18,819 --> 00:13:24,859 way ego is the enemy, where he really talks about this suppression of our difficult reactions to 153 00:13:24,900 --> 00:13:31,139 emotions, and now is one of the most quoted philosophies amongst like athletes and leaders 154 00:13:31,139 --> 00:13:37,019 and CEOs, because it is all about this. It's essentially emotional intelligence. It's the very 155 00:13:37,020 --> 00:13:41,709 early stems of what emotional intelligence is and means. And if you look at emotional intelligence 156 00:13:41,710 --> 00:13:48,189 today, we define it as understanding your emotions, feeling your emotions. And then what do we respond 157 00:13:48,229 --> 00:13:53,309 in that emotion like that. Step two of emotional intelligence. And we know from study after study 158 00:13:53,310 --> 00:13:58,830 that emotional intelligence is one of the biggest factors that will determine your career success. 159 00:13:58,830 --> 00:14:04,749 And therefore, the stoic philosophy that kind of surrounds this emotional intelligence 160 00:14:04,749 --> 00:14:10,909 understanding is so important for us to know. Now, there's a couple of real life examples of how 161 00:14:10,989 --> 00:14:17,869 stoicism just shows up in my every single day. We fail all the time. Like every single 162 00:14:17,869 --> 00:14:23,709 day we are failing. Especially in this busy, busy time where we're launching custard like we're 163 00:14:23,710 --> 00:14:28,110 just about to move into the third cohort of clustered. We are. We've obviously launched the 164 00:14:28,110 --> 00:14:33,469 podcast. This Is What We are on episode 12 now. I think this is episode 12 of the podcast. We are 165 00:14:33,469 --> 00:14:37,469 still running fresh leadership world incredibly well this just this week alone, I've got some work 166 00:14:37,470 --> 00:14:42,439 with a brilliant company. Scene Studios, who I've worked with twice now. They're an amazing agency 167 00:14:42,439 --> 00:14:47,039 in Shoreditch and I'm doing these workshops with them, but we just have so much going on and so 168 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:52,559 much newness and so much building. And when we do that, you know, we've got workshops, webinars, all of 169 00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:57,559 it. When we do that, we're constantly testing new things. We're experimenting with new things, 170 00:14:57,559 --> 00:15:02,719 whether it's experimenting with AI, whether it's experimenting with like new processes for how we 171 00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:09,400 connect, zoom up to our registration process. And almost every time we try something new, we fail, 172 00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:13,640 something goes wrong. And I've had jobs where in the past, where when I've failed at something, 173 00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:17,718 something, you know, for example, like books, the wrong train. I spent money that I spent by 174 00:15:17,719 --> 00:15:21,359 accident, you know, on a piece of software where I'd forgot to cancel it. Like small day to day 175 00:15:21,359 --> 00:15:27,479 mistakes that all of us make. And my boss at the time got really angry and, like, started, you know, 176 00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:32,239 getting really frustrated with me. And that just closes you off into a box. And so I always wanted 177 00:15:32,239 --> 00:15:36,719 to be the manager that allowed failure to perpetuate through what we do. I wanted to be the 178 00:15:36,779 --> 00:15:42,380 manager that. That if a small mistake was made? Of course we pull each other up on it. We help each 179 00:15:42,380 --> 00:15:46,859 other through it, we coach each other through it. But it isn't this kind of like huge catastrophic 180 00:15:46,860 --> 00:15:53,539 event. And mistakes are just part of this concept of like, you have to do things that are outside of 181 00:15:53,539 --> 00:15:58,459 your control. So we have controlled our input. We have controlled the energy and effort that we've 182 00:15:58,460 --> 00:16:03,059 put in, and we have controlled an experiment. We've tried to do our best with this experiment. We 183 00:16:03,060 --> 00:16:07,059 can't control the outcome. We can't control how people are going to respond to it. We can't 184 00:16:07,059 --> 00:16:12,179 control even the weather. And so if we start to get angry and frustrated about those things, you 185 00:16:12,179 --> 00:16:18,059 can see how that's just going to perpetuate this culture of like, we can't make mistakes. We can't 186 00:16:18,100 --> 00:16:22,938 find those obstacles that end up being the way. And stoicism can get really tough when it comes 187 00:16:22,939 --> 00:16:29,740 to work, because it requires us all the time to take like a really high 188 00:16:29,820 --> 00:16:36,789 level of ownership and a really high level of just. I will continue to 189 00:16:36,870 --> 00:16:42,309 accept that I could have done something wrong here. So, for example, like we can't, you know, you 190 00:16:42,310 --> 00:16:48,989 can't prepare, say you're preparing like a client presentation or a client pitch and they say no. 191 00:16:49,669 --> 00:16:54,949 Okay. So what we can do is go, oh, the client, you know, they've not got much money or they don't 192 00:16:54,949 --> 00:16:58,869 care that much or they can't see the value in what we do. Like we could outsource that blame 193 00:16:58,869 --> 00:17:04,828 because it's so much easier to. Or we can allow ourselves to feel that frustration and then go, 194 00:17:04,990 --> 00:17:10,509 okay, what could I have done that would have set us up in better stead and therefore will improve 195 00:17:10,509 --> 00:17:16,949 how this works next time? What could I have done that makes sure that, you know, next time the team 196 00:17:16,949 --> 00:17:20,349 does it, or someone who's more of an expert and it does it. Or maybe I needed to brush up on my 197 00:17:20,350 --> 00:17:24,829 presentation skills. Maybe I rushed it a little bit. Maybe I need to go and ask that client for 198 00:17:24,830 --> 00:17:30,149 deeper feedback so that the next time I like run through this process, it's even better. That 199 00:17:30,149 --> 00:17:36,089 requires such a high level of Uncomfortable ownership to be able to be the person who's 200 00:17:36,090 --> 00:17:42,489 willing to say, maybe it was me. Like, maybe I did do something that could have been better. And let 201 00:17:42,490 --> 00:17:49,089 me tell you, as a business owner, it is one of the best, most important questions I can ever ask 202 00:17:49,089 --> 00:17:56,089 myself is but how could I have influenced the negative outcome of this situation? Like for 203 00:17:56,089 --> 00:18:00,849 example, we ran a webinar a couple of months ago and we did it for the first time on YouTube live. 204 00:18:00,850 --> 00:18:06,650 And if anyone came to this webinar, tragic. So we ran it on YouTube live. And what I did, normally 205 00:18:06,650 --> 00:18:12,370 when I run webinars on zoom, I'll join zoom like 5 to 10 minutes before just to double check my mic, 206 00:18:12,370 --> 00:18:17,769 check my camera, check everything's working. And then I normally will like come off of zoom so 207 00:18:17,769 --> 00:18:22,409 that it doesn't pick it up on the recording and then rejoin like one minute before. So I had 208 00:18:22,410 --> 00:18:28,409 thought that YouTube was the same thing. I joined the YouTube live. What I didn't realise is a it 209 00:18:28,410 --> 00:18:32,859 actually kickstarts the YouTube live. So all these thousands of people that are signed up get the 210 00:18:32,859 --> 00:18:37,780 notification to say the live is starting when it's not really. I'm just testing my mikes and 211 00:18:37,780 --> 00:18:43,019 camera. But then what I did is I panicked and so I set up my mic, set on my camera, panicked. I was 212 00:18:43,019 --> 00:18:49,859 like, shit, I better end this YouTube live. And then it ended the live for good so I could no 213 00:18:49,859 --> 00:18:55,180 longer go back on that YouTube live and like, service and deliver that workshop to the 214 00:18:55,220 --> 00:19:00,059 thousands of people that were registered. And we had to panic. Send everyone an email saying, here's 215 00:19:00,060 --> 00:19:06,619 the new link, we're so sorry. And it tanked the viewership. So I think we had I can't remember the 216 00:19:06,620 --> 00:19:11,099 stats exactly, but I want to say we had like 2000 people registered. Normally out of 2000 people, you 217 00:19:11,100 --> 00:19:17,139 get about a 50% show up rate. So let's say a thousand on that webinar, we only had about 3400 218 00:19:17,139 --> 00:19:23,179 people show up because we messed up with the link. And it's so easy. Like me and Levi could have 219 00:19:23,180 --> 00:19:28,339 cried. I think we probably did have a bit of a tear, but me and Levi have two options. We could 220 00:19:28,380 --> 00:19:33,189 have got really annoyed with ourselves. We could have allowed that frustration to perpetuate. We 221 00:19:33,189 --> 00:19:37,150 could have been pissed off that, you know, we'd spent all these weeks advertising this webinar, 222 00:19:37,150 --> 00:19:43,509 sending this webinar to people. Or we could go look. It's not the end of the world. No one has 223 00:19:43,510 --> 00:19:49,149 died. There is a lesson in this somewhere. Where's the gift? Where is the gift? And me and Levi say 224 00:19:49,150 --> 00:19:54,269 this to each other a lot, jokingly. Now we're like, where is the gift in this when something goes 225 00:19:54,270 --> 00:19:58,349 wrong? Because the obstacle is the way. Like there's always a way through it. And there's 226 00:19:58,349 --> 00:20:02,989 always a reason why that negative thing has happened to you. And for us at that time, like with 227 00:20:02,989 --> 00:20:07,709 the webinar, it was just that YouTube live, like wasn't the right platform for what we were trying 228 00:20:07,710 --> 00:20:11,789 to do. You couldn't send links and we always send people to links for like assets and stuff for 229 00:20:11,790 --> 00:20:17,270 spreadsheets, whatever, throughout the webinar. You couldn't do it. Um, and so it was the the gift was 230 00:20:17,270 --> 00:20:21,829 just you need to go back to zoom, girls. You need to stick to what you know, like you need to go 231 00:20:21,829 --> 00:20:27,269 back to doing it. It also allowed us to work on the process of like our recording, because we knew 232 00:20:27,270 --> 00:20:31,050 in that point that the recording was going to be really important. So it allowed us to kind of take 233 00:20:31,050 --> 00:20:35,089 a step back and go, okay, how do we make sure that as many people watch the recording of this as 234 00:20:35,089 --> 00:20:39,649 possible? And now we have a recording process set up where we tag people. If they came, if they 235 00:20:39,649 --> 00:20:44,569 didn't, um, did they get the recording? Did they get a reminder? Whatever. And the other thing that we 236 00:20:44,569 --> 00:20:48,569 had to take accountability for was the fact that we were just rushing a bit. We'd planned to like, 237 00:20:48,609 --> 00:20:53,569 do a webinar every four weeks, do an online workshop, and we realised we just didn't have the 238 00:20:53,569 --> 00:20:58,009 capacity for it. And so now we only do it every six weeks because it just requires it is quite 239 00:20:58,010 --> 00:21:01,170 intricate, like there's a lot of technical things that can go wrong. There's a lot of people giving 240 00:21:01,170 --> 00:21:07,169 up the time and space to come and watch you, and you need to give it the time and energy that it 241 00:21:07,169 --> 00:21:11,649 deserves to get it right. Another example okay, this one still stings a bit because it was very 242 00:21:11,649 --> 00:21:17,649 recently was when we opened custard up to the first 50 businesses. So this was at the end of 243 00:21:17,650 --> 00:21:23,769 June. Well, it wasn't that recent, but it feels recent to me. We we opened up to 50 businesses. We 244 00:21:23,770 --> 00:21:30,060 got the 51st 50 in very fast, like really fast. and we were celebrating. We were like, oh my God, this 245 00:21:30,060 --> 00:21:37,019 is amazing. And then we realised about 45 minutes in that we actually the businesses that were 246 00:21:37,020 --> 00:21:41,739 signing up were skipping the second step of the process. So the second step of the process is to 247 00:21:41,740 --> 00:21:45,779 put the card details in. Now you do get a 14 day free trial, but you have to put your card details 248 00:21:45,780 --> 00:21:49,339 in at the beginning. And the businesses weren't doing that. So they were essentially skipping that 249 00:21:49,339 --> 00:21:54,099 second step and going straight into the product. So we then had to go back to everyone and be like, 250 00:21:54,140 --> 00:21:58,979 please, can you put your card details in to enable the billing, blah, blah, blah. Barely any of them did, 251 00:21:59,020 --> 00:22:03,300 obviously, because they, you know, they were already hot. They were a warm lead. They were ready to sign 252 00:22:03,300 --> 00:22:06,699 up. And by the time we'd got to them and said, please, can you put your card details in? It's 253 00:22:06,699 --> 00:22:11,259 another action to get them to do. And so it was quite a difficult one, and it was just a massive 254 00:22:11,260 --> 00:22:15,899 mistake. And we'd gone from this huge high of like, oh my God, we've got these big businesses in so 255 00:22:15,900 --> 00:22:22,579 quickly to this new low of shit. No wonder it happened so fast, because we removed one of the 256 00:22:22,579 --> 00:22:27,349 steps of the process that would have made it a bit harder and a bit more of a like end game 257 00:22:27,350 --> 00:22:34,229 choice for people to sign up. And so yeah, we it that was a tough one. Obviously you step 258 00:22:34,229 --> 00:22:39,869 back from it. You give yourself a bit of an hour to to like wallow in self self-pity and then you 259 00:22:39,869 --> 00:22:43,990 step back from it and you go, okay, what has this taught us? What are we building off the back of 260 00:22:44,030 --> 00:22:48,310 this to make sure that a this never happens again, but actually to make sure that that was the 261 00:22:48,310 --> 00:22:53,509 strongest decision we ever made. That was the that was such a happy accident, because we can now 262 00:22:53,510 --> 00:22:58,948 learn that we now have a cancellation process in place. We now have these, um, like step one, step two 263 00:22:58,989 --> 00:23:04,149 stripe processes in place that make it super clear when people sign up and it's just all going 264 00:23:04,150 --> 00:23:10,348 back to the obstacle is the way and ego is the enemy. We all have this big, big, juicy ego and 265 00:23:10,349 --> 00:23:15,309 something that the Stoics believe is that your ego will get in the way of all the greatness you 266 00:23:15,310 --> 00:23:21,629 deserve in life. I definitely know that, like, I guess for the first sort of 25 years of my life, 267 00:23:21,989 --> 00:23:28,849 my ego, emotion around things like. I guess even like jealousy. Just all that stuff that you feel 268 00:23:28,850 --> 00:23:34,769 when you're younger and a bit unsure about the world just dictated everything that I did like. It 269 00:23:34,769 --> 00:23:40,568 dictated where I lived. It dictated what I spent my money on. It dictated what I wanted to do as a 270 00:23:40,569 --> 00:23:44,770 job because I had this ego that was like, if I worked for the businesses that have cool brand 271 00:23:44,770 --> 00:23:49,529 names or, I don't know, go to the uni, that seems fun and cool instead of stepping back and going, 272 00:23:49,530 --> 00:23:55,849 but what do I actually want to do? And that ego just will rule and dictate your life so much if 273 00:23:55,849 --> 00:24:01,290 you're not careful. So to round up this episode, I'm going to give you some habits kind of some 274 00:24:01,290 --> 00:24:06,489 daily things of how you can start to practice stoicism and use it day to day. So the very first 275 00:24:06,490 --> 00:24:12,249 thing that I'd say, it's helped me and you'll have heard this before, is journaling now. Journaling I 276 00:24:12,250 --> 00:24:18,889 think has been used a lot in like the wellness space. But journaling for the Stoics was Marcus 277 00:24:18,890 --> 00:24:23,289 Aurelius used to journal every single day. And if you haven't already, go and read the book Marcus 278 00:24:23,300 --> 00:24:30,139 Aurelius Meditations because he is. Every single day, he's writing down just a few sentences on 279 00:24:30,140 --> 00:24:36,979 how he feels about life, how he feels about work. And inside those journals you start to see, like 280 00:24:37,020 --> 00:24:41,900 the real deep feeling and emotion that human beings have and the benefit of a journal. So all 281 00:24:41,900 --> 00:24:45,899 you need is a notebook. You doesn't need to be any like branded thing, fancy thing, literally just a 282 00:24:45,899 --> 00:24:52,458 notebook and a pen next to your bed. And just for five minutes before you go to bed, write down how 283 00:24:52,459 --> 00:24:58,379 today felt. Write down and you can't censor yourself. What I mean is this journal has to be 284 00:24:58,379 --> 00:25:03,260 seen by no one but you. This is the only place you cannot censor your thoughts. You have to write 285 00:25:03,260 --> 00:25:09,739 down. Like, how did you feel? Were you jealous? Were you pissed off? Were you afraid? Were you angry at 286 00:25:09,740 --> 00:25:15,299 something? Did you feel sad? Did you feel like you were comparing yourself to someone? And the reason 287 00:25:15,300 --> 00:25:21,948 that journal helps so much is for me. Like it helps me to almost put 288 00:25:21,949 --> 00:25:28,909 my daily thoughts, things that normally just run free inside my head and kind of run riot and 289 00:25:28,910 --> 00:25:33,909 make me feel like crap. I write them down and you can almost read them with a fresh brain and go, 290 00:25:34,349 --> 00:25:40,749 hmm, I shouldn't feel that way. Hmm. That feels like I'm overthinking that thing, or it feels as though 291 00:25:40,750 --> 00:25:46,949 I am. My brain is kind of taking this thing out of proportion, and actually, when I write it down, it's 292 00:25:46,949 --> 00:25:52,550 not as big or dramatic as I thought it was. And it really helped me with lots of feelings of anxiety 293 00:25:52,550 --> 00:25:57,549 as well. I don't struggle too much with anxiety nowadays, but when I very first left corporate and 294 00:25:57,550 --> 00:26:01,429 set up my business, I did like it was when I was first kind of becoming someone online, like a 295 00:26:01,430 --> 00:26:06,349 public face, a public figure, and I was showing my ideas to the world. I was sharing things with the 296 00:26:06,349 --> 00:26:10,749 world. People, you know, exes were seeing your videos, friends were seeing your videos. And it 297 00:26:10,749 --> 00:26:17,549 requires you to push past push through a lot of walls of like, cringe and embarrassment. And I did 298 00:26:17,550 --> 00:26:21,969 a lot of journaling at that point because I had I just felt the feeling of anxiety a lot. It kind of 299 00:26:22,010 --> 00:26:26,649 ruled a lot of my day. So by journaling, I could write the things down that I felt and I almost 300 00:26:26,650 --> 00:26:32,569 would see it as a different person. So I'd read it back and think, okay, so posting that video made 301 00:26:32,569 --> 00:26:36,689 you feel insecure because you've always been embarrassed about this thing, and now you're 302 00:26:36,689 --> 00:26:41,689 finally sharing it out loud and your friends might see it and you read it and you go, okay, I 303 00:26:41,689 --> 00:26:47,329 can deal with that. That's that's okay. Whereas your brain will just run riot on the thing. But 304 00:26:47,329 --> 00:26:52,370 your hand and the physical act of writing it down is really helpful. So the second habit that I 305 00:26:52,370 --> 00:26:59,209 would say is, is so the Stoics are big on presence, like being present, kind of being in the moment 306 00:26:59,209 --> 00:27:05,769 and the modern day, um, like version of that for me is just not being on your phone, not being on your 307 00:27:05,769 --> 00:27:11,329 laptop, practising active listening, something a rule that I have had since I was 23 years old. So 308 00:27:11,329 --> 00:27:16,969 I've had this rule in my household for the past eight years. Seven years is no phones in the 309 00:27:16,969 --> 00:27:20,818 bedroom, no phones are allowed in the bedroom. They're not even allowed through the door. Passage. 310 00:27:20,819 --> 00:27:26,379 My bedroom is like my safe space. My cosy space. The phones get charged downstairs. At night you 311 00:27:26,380 --> 00:27:31,300 leave it. We have a cut off for digital devices at about half nine. We leave our phone charging 312 00:27:31,300 --> 00:27:36,579 downstairs, and then you go upstairs. And it's like all those beautiful moments that you share, maybe 313 00:27:36,579 --> 00:27:40,979 with your partner. Or if you live with friends or have kids and family, all those beautiful moments 314 00:27:40,980 --> 00:27:46,419 of like brushing your teeth together and like recapping the day and laughing about things that 315 00:27:46,420 --> 00:27:52,899 you did and just, I don't know. Like getting ready, doing your skincare routine, getting in bed. All of 316 00:27:52,899 --> 00:27:58,179 those things will be taken away from you. That is my favourite part of the day is is going to bed 317 00:27:58,180 --> 00:28:02,938 basically. But in my favourite part of the day is like those moments before bed because it's so 318 00:28:02,939 --> 00:28:08,099 still there is nothing that is stealing away my attention and my focus. There's no email, there's 319 00:28:08,099 --> 00:28:12,899 no WhatsApp group chat popping off, there's nothing. And if you have your phone with you, if 320 00:28:12,900 --> 00:28:15,579 you're on your phone while you're brushing your teeth, you're scrolling before you go to bed. All 321 00:28:15,579 --> 00:28:19,160 those moments are taken away. All those opportunities for like stillness and presence are 322 00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:25,159 gone. So charge your phone downstairs. And then the final habit again. This is a before bed habit that 323 00:28:25,159 --> 00:28:31,999 I have is reading is just reading. So journaling I actually don't journal every single day. Now when 324 00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:35,519 you start out, I would recommend doing it every day just to get into a really good habit of it. 325 00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:40,799 But now I only journal when I feel like I need to. So I'm probably going to do it like once every 326 00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:44,120 couple of weeks when I feel as though I've had a bit of a stressful day. I just need to, like, let 327 00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:49,559 out some emotion through my pen. But reading has changed my life. I mean, I've been a reader since 328 00:28:49,559 --> 00:28:54,799 I've been a reader forever. I've read books forever. But reading is like, how do I even begin? 329 00:28:54,839 --> 00:28:59,319 Like, I could do a whole episode on this about this myself. Like it's just finding these other 330 00:28:59,319 --> 00:29:03,079 worlds to get lost in. And I don't mean personal development. Personal development for the morning. 331 00:29:03,119 --> 00:29:08,759 This is for the evening. It's fiction. It's storytelling. It's kind of getting lost in fantasy 332 00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:15,399 worlds and psychological thrillers and twists and tales and like, my favourite book. Why not? 333 00:29:15,489 --> 00:29:20,449 Probably. Yeah, I'm going to say it's my favourite book of all time is Daphne du Maurier Rebecca. And 334 00:29:20,449 --> 00:29:26,249 it's just like a tale of it's all based in a house. It's all based in one house called Mandalay. 335 00:29:26,250 --> 00:29:31,969 And every page is like a poem. Every page is like a story in itself. And, you know, you could read the 336 00:29:31,969 --> 00:29:36,489 book ten times over and still find new amazing things. And it makes me better in life. It makes me 337 00:29:36,490 --> 00:29:41,130 more still. It makes me more present. It makes me more grateful. It makes me more creative. But you 338 00:29:41,130 --> 00:29:45,968 can't have that habit without kind of having the phone and getting rid of the phone. Because 339 00:29:45,969 --> 00:29:49,849 reading is hard. Like sometimes reading is crap. Sometimes you've got to like, really focus on it 340 00:29:49,850 --> 00:29:55,569 to get into a book, and that's okay. But if it's if your phone sat there winking at you on the desk, 341 00:29:55,569 --> 00:30:00,970 on the side, on your sideboard, next to your bed, it's easier to scroll. Of course it is. I can't be 342 00:30:00,970 --> 00:30:04,289 asked to read today. I'll just have a scroll. Can't be asked to journal. Can't be asked to talk to my 343 00:30:04,290 --> 00:30:08,569 partner about the day. So I'll just have a scroll. So all those habits kind of go hand in hand. I 344 00:30:08,569 --> 00:30:13,329 would also order the Daily Stoic. That's a really great place to start. Is just one meditation on 345 00:30:13,329 --> 00:30:17,338 stoicism for every single morning. Go and order that book. I would highly recommend that too. Well, 346 00:30:17,339 --> 00:30:21,139 thank you for listening to this episode. This feels like a bit of a deep and personal one, and I 347 00:30:21,139 --> 00:30:24,939 could even do a part two on stoicism, because there's so much that I've not even begun to to 348 00:30:24,979 --> 00:30:28,179 touch on. So maybe I'll do a part two in a couple of months. Let me know if you want that in the 349 00:30:28,179 --> 00:30:33,619 comments. Thank you for being here. This podcast we are, like I said on episode 12 now, so we're three 350 00:30:33,620 --> 00:30:39,139 months in. It has just the reception from you guys has been incredible. Like, I cannot actually get 351 00:30:39,140 --> 00:30:44,579 over how much you want to listen, how much you're requesting things, you're emailing in, you're 352 00:30:44,579 --> 00:30:50,059 commenting, and all of that helps us to reach more people too. So wherever you're listening, if it's 353 00:30:50,059 --> 00:30:56,099 Spotify, Amazon, Apple, YouTube, wherever you're listening or watching us, please just hit the like 354 00:30:56,099 --> 00:31:01,659 button, the follow button, the subscribe button, and drop a comment. Let me know. Like the a lot of the 355 00:31:01,660 --> 00:31:06,579 episodes that I've got planned over the next few weeks come from someone commented on a video or 356 00:31:06,579 --> 00:31:10,899 commented on a Spotify episode and said, please can you do an episode on this thing? And I'm doing 357 00:31:10,900 --> 00:31:14,239 them now. Like I'm making sure that we get all those ins. If you've got a specific thing you want 358 00:31:14,239 --> 00:31:20,479 an episode on, please just drop a comment on this episode. I promise. I read every single one and it 359 00:31:20,479 --> 00:31:25,199 really just helps us to reach new people too. So I'm so grateful for that. We're also going to do 360 00:31:25,199 --> 00:31:30,760 an episode in a few weeks time that is purely Q&A. So we have been getting lots of emails from you 361 00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:35,800 guys. The email address is hello at the Boardroom podcast. We've been getting lots of emails with 362 00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:41,639 people with very specific dilemmas in their leadership role at work whereby yeah, they've just 363 00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:45,079 laid out that dilemma and I'm going to sit and go through all of them in one episode so we can 364 00:31:45,079 --> 00:31:50,239 really get into like the nitty gritty of day to day things and how I would overcome some of those 365 00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:55,919 things. And so please email in with your dilemma with your question. Hello at the Boardroom podcast. 366 00:31:56,559 --> 00:32:01,679 And there is a high chance that we will get to your dilemma when we get into the episode. And if 367 00:32:01,679 --> 00:32:05,559 not, then we'll probably cover it in the next one. But that's all. Thank you for being here. We'll see 368 00:32:05,560 --> 00:32:07,919 you next week for the next episode of The Boardroom.