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Speaker: Motherhood is all consuming.

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Having babies, nursing, feeling the fear of loving someone that much, and

there's this baby on your chest, and boom, your entire life has changed.

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Speaker 2: It's a privilege of being your child's safest space

and watching your heart walk around outside of your body.

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Speaker 3: The truth is, I can be having the best time

being a mom one minute, and then the next time questioning.

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My life choices.

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Speaker: I'm Lo Mansfield, your host of the Lo and Behold podcast, mama of four

Littles, former labor and postpartum RN, CLC, and your new best friend in the messy

middle space of all the choices you are making in pregnancy, birth, and motherhood.

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If there is one thing I know after years of delivering babies at the bedside and

then having, and now raising those four of my own, it is that there is no such

thing as a best way to do any of this, and we're leaning into that truth here.

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With the mix of real life and what the textbook

says, expert Insights and Practical Applications.

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Each week we're making our way towards stories that we participate

in, stories that we are honest about, and stories that are ours.

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This is the lo and behold podcast.

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Lo: All right, friend.

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I have got a birth story for you in this episode and it's

one that as always, I'm so excited to share with you.

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Priscilla was a student of mine in your body or birth, and so I've

gotten to know her pretty well, you know, virtually at least, right?

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So lots of messages back and forth.

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In the last weeks of Priscilla's pregnancy, I got lots of messages

postpartum two, as she was processing the birth and recovering,

you'll kind of hear some of that while we talk, but ultimately I mix.

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Excited to share Priscilla's story because it is one that

is not perfect, I think that's a good thing for us, right?

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It is so good for us to hear the full spectrum of birth stories and remember that birth

is unpredictable and we don't always know where it's going to go or what it's going to do.

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But what we can do is show up kind of armed with all the info and knowledge to

navigate wherever it goes and whatever kinds of twists and turns that it does take.

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Priscilla's story is just a great example of that reality.

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Hey Priscilla, thank you so much for being here with me today.

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First of all, I introduced you like a tiny bit before we got started, but why don't

you give us some more kind of personal, fuller introduction of of who you are.

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Priscilla: Sure.

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Sounds good.

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Well, and first of all, let me say just thank you so much,

such a privilege and an honor to get to chat with you.

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My name's Priscilla.

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I live in Vancouver, British Columbia, and Canada, with my husband and our two daughters.

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My, second is eight weeks old today.

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And we.

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Yeah, have lived here for about, well we've lived in Canada all our lives.

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And I work, we both work from home, in the business tech sector.

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But I'm currently on maternity leave and yeah.

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Mm-hmm.

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Excited to be here to tell, a bit of my story and how I, came in contact

with Lo and the Labor Mama platform and how it's been such an incredible

resource, for me in, in my journey of birth and, and motherhood.

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Lo: I feel like I had two things in there.

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One, we could have a separate episode on how two parents work

from home with two little kids in the house because we are working

through that in our house all the time and how to navigate that.

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And then I know you mentioned we're gonna kind of, I think,

focus in on your most recent birth story since you're fresh.

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But as we get into it, I'd love to hear kind of the fir whatever you wanna share about

the first one and what brought you to the place of where you're at with the second one.

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Wanting things to be different or the same or whatever.

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So why don't we start there.

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You could either jump right into pregnancy with number two and

just include kind of that first birth, or you can give us a

little recap of first experience and then get into number two.

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Just go for it.

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Priscilla: Yeah.

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For sure.

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I will definitely start with my first, because I think it's

helpful context for kind of where I landed with my second.

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And that's when I first kind of came across your platform.

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However, however, Instagram kind of floated your, your profile my way.

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That's when I first connected with you and, was just

such an incredible resource through my first pregnancy.

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So I, I, I should have mentioned my husband and I will be married 10 years.

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This coming October, which is fun.

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Congrats.

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Uh, Thanks.

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And yeah, so we got, pregnant with my first in 2022.

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Mm-hmm.

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And I didn't, going into pregnancy, like I don't think I had

huge aspirations or, or goals for my pregnancy necessarily.

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And I had rightfully, both my pregnancies have been released smooth.

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I've felt pretty good throughout.

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So I'm one of those people that like enjoys being pregnant for the most part.

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Which I, yeah, I'm very grateful for.

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And then somewhere towards kind of the, in my third trimester,

I would say I picked up, ina MA's Guide to Childbirth.

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Mm-hmm.

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A friend had recommended it.

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And I think between that and kind of your platform, I started going

down this path of like, man, I, I wanna see what my body is capable of.

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I'd love to try an unmedicated birth.

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And, and see how that goes.

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And just felt kind of like I was starting to get excited about that idea.

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And then also I think I, I reflect back on both, both

my mom's, my mom and my mother-in-law's experiences.

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They both had three kids.

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And at the time, like epidurals, my mom would explain it like they weren't.

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Weren't allowed to have them, or they were hard to get.

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Yeah, definitely.

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Like, definitely the doctors were very much like, you can do this.

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Mm-hmm.

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And so I often reflected on their experiences.

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I was like, both of them had, three kids without an epidural.

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So like, if they did it, I can do it.

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Why not?

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Right.

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So that was kind of my mindset.

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Then, at my 35 week appointment, I went in for

a checkup and I knew my baby wasn't head down.

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'cause I could feel her head very predominantly up kind of by my ribs.

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But I was like, oh, it's no big deal.

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Like, I've still got five weeks.

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And I, I distinctly remember my midwife.

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You know, feeling around checking things.

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She's like, well, this is a, what we call a variation of normal.

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And I was like, uhoh.

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Like, what?

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No one

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Lo: wants to hear those words, right?

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Yeah.

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Priscilla: And so she starts to tell me that my

baby is like pretty settled in to my pelvis mm-hmm.

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With in their, like, their bum isn't my pelvis.

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And I remember kind of being like.

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Kinda as the reality of her new set it set in.

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It was like, okay, so your baby is breach And it, and she

was like, I don't like, I, I don't think they're gonna move.

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Mm-hmm.

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But I was so, and I remember feeling pretty emotional about that and disappointed.

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Like what?

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Yeah.

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Like I've been doing all this kind of prep and planning, which

was minimal to be fair, but like getting excited about it.

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And then of course I went into full on type A, like, I'm gonna

do everything under the sun to try and get this baby to move.

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So I did everything from like Chinese medicine, mo combustion.

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Yeah.

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Which we always laugh about.

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My husband's a cold.

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I'd probably try

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Lo: it too.

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Yep.

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Priscilla: Burning coals over my toes.

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To an ECVI turned ECV around the, somewhere between

the 37 and 38 week mark, which was intense for sure.

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It was not successful.

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And yeah, she just was bound and determined to come out with her.

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Instead of her head.

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And I, I did have some conversations with, my team

about, you know, a potential vaginal breach delivery.

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Mm-hmm.

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Knowing that it was not likely to be successful as a first time birthing mom.

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And I kind of, where I had landed with it was like, if, if all the, the stars align.

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And the right, OB is on.

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'cause I was in a hospital where there were certain obs who would consider doing that.

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That's great.

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And I went into labor spontaneously before my scheduled C-section, like, okay.

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Then I would try it.

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None of that ended up happening.

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My c-section was scheduled the day before.

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She was due.

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Do, okay.

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I'm just gonna

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Lo: clarify.

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I heard that.

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Right.

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So you were at a hospital with providers willing to do a

vaginal breach birth if you went into labor spontaneously.

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Did I hear that right?

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Priscilla: Not, not all of them, but there were a couple.

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Yes.

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Lo: So it was, so it would have to be like not just a No.

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That's really interesting.

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I mean, it feels like it's just almost an absolute no.

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Everywhere in the United States.

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Yeah.

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Priscilla: So where I give birth, it's, BC Women's Hospital.

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Right.

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And so they're, you know, kind of.

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Cream of the crop in terms of, of care in, in our province, certainly.

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And yeah, it wasn't everyone, but it was certain, certain providers.

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So it was like, really, I would have to, like, things

would really have to line up if it was gonna happen.

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Lo: Right, right.

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Priscilla: Okay.

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Thanks.

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It didn't.

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Yeah, no problem.

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Yeah, it did.

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Lo: anyway,

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Priscilla: so yeah, so, so went into the hospital the day before I was.

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Due, we didn't know the gender.

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It was really fun, and it's just a weird experience.

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You walk in and you're like, tr like, yeah, gonna have a baby.

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Didn't go, had no signs of labor.

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I, I maybe had one or two times where I was like, oh, was that a contraction?

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Mm-hmm.

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But really minimal.

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Had my c-section.

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Like it honestly went really smooth.

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It was really special.

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Had my music playing, got my husband, got to announce the gender.

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I got to hold her right away.

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She came out really healthy, like there were no concerns.

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We had lots of skin to skin time.

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It was like I looked back on it and it was really special.

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And I say that all because I, I think I'm unique in the sense that like, it wasn't.

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A traumatic birth experience that led me to this

place of being really intentional about my birth.

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Right or wrong, it's just, it is what it is.

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Yeah.

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And I feel really fortunate in that regard actually.

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So yeah, but right away, like I knew, I was literally like in the hospital

the next day being like talking to my husband about like the next one.

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Like, I was so excited.

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I was just like high, high, high on the endorphins and so excited.

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Yeah, and so then I just knew right away like that for my second, I would want

to try for a vbac, and just kind of start all over again and be like, mm-hmm.

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We're, we're gonna do this.

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Like, the chance of me having a breach again is like, so minimal.

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And, they had done, I forget what it was called, but some sort

of, scope examination of my uterus to check and see if there was

any like particular reason why she was breach and there wasn't.

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Okay.

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So yeah, so that's kind of like part one of my story, I would say.

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Mm-hmm.

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So then part, there's like three parts.

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So part two would be like the, the pregnancy, number two,

pregnancy and kind of leading up to labor and delivery.

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Yeah.

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Let's hear, once again really like, positive pregnancy things went really well.

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Of course, as I was approaching those like last few weeks, I was like

very keen to get in and make sure she was head down and all these things.

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And she, she was, I, I say she surprised it, it was a girl, but, didn't know.

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Again, we kept the gender surprise, which is always, we really like, it was fun.

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And yeah, in that pregnancy, I kinda went into it with, with

I would say four goals as I like, thought about my birth plan.

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So one, I was, I knew that my likelihood of a successful VBAC

would, be strongly influenced by going into spontaneous labor.

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So that was like my first goal, but my second goal was to like, have that be back.

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And then thirdly, I was hoping, hoping to do it without an epidural.

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And fourth, hoping to do it without kind of any, any medicine.

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Mm-hmm.

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And having those, I would say like prioritized goals was helpful for me so that I didn't

walk away from the pregnancy, or sorry, from the delivery, feeling like pass fail.

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But it's like, here's the goals and in the ideal version, I would hit all four.

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Mm-hmm.

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And then we'll try and tackle them kind of in, in priority order.

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And in order to kinda do that, I, I really did lean into, like the

hypnobirthing world, through a few different books that I had read.

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I didn't take a course or anything, but just different books and, and

then I listened to like a, listened and watched a ton of birth stories.

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Like I think my husband was like, oh, my word, like, joy is wrong.

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Mine's same.

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Just coming, yeah, coming out to the living room,

seeing me like crying on the couch watching.

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Right.

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Exactly.

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Delivery.

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But I just love it.

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It, it was so exciting and ins inspiring to see a huge variation and I made sure

to really prioritize, like seeing, you know, those induction births, seeing mm-hmm.

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Home births, hospital births, kinda like everything in between to know it's like

it's all good and it's all beautiful and it can go a hundred different ways.

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Yeah.

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Was kind of the mindset that I had.

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So yeah.

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Then I think that the other thing I would say about it is that I was unique in the sense

that like, so I'm this second, second pregnancy, but really like a first time laborer.

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Yeah.

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So as I was like talking to my friends, they're like, oh yeah, that's so weird.

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Like you never went into labor with your first, so that was like

kind of, yeah, just I would say a unique experience as well.

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So then kind of leading up to my due date, which was May 6th, I, wasn't really

experiencing any signs of labor, which tracked 'cause I, with my first, like I said,

deliver, like she had her, she was born via cesarean, like the day before she was due.

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And I also didn't have any signs of labor, so I

wasn't really expecting to go into labor early.

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And I was trying all of the things to like, get things going, around that point.

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Everything from like, acupuncture to, you know, Bates tea?

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Lo: Yep, yep.

225

00:12:51,137 --> 00:12:51,597

All the things.

226

00:12:51,597 --> 00:12:51,872

All like,

227

00:12:51,872 --> 00:12:52,682

Priscilla: all of the above.

228

00:12:52,742 --> 00:12:54,662

It's a mild circuit, you know, everything.

229

00:12:55,082 --> 00:12:58,767

I had my first attempted stretch and sweep at 39 and two.

230

00:12:59,927 --> 00:13:00,857

I had finished work.

231

00:13:00,857 --> 00:13:04,127

I, kind of like a week before I was due, so I was like, sure, let's, let's do it.

232

00:13:04,157 --> 00:13:05,207

Let's get things going.

233

00:13:05,477 --> 00:13:09,467

They tried, my cervix was really far back, so nothing really happened from that.

234

00:13:09,907 --> 00:13:14,507

We tried again at 40 plus two, so two days past my due date.

235

00:13:14,507 --> 00:13:14,632

Mm-hmm.

236

00:13:15,097 --> 00:13:17,527

Same thing, like wasn't really successful.

237

00:13:17,527 --> 00:13:20,167

I think maybe it had moved a bit closer, but still really firm.

238

00:13:20,450 --> 00:13:21,770

And I was still feeling really good.

239

00:13:21,830 --> 00:13:23,030

Like I was feeling great.

240

00:13:23,030 --> 00:13:25,490

People were like, oh my gosh, are you like so ready to have this baby out?

241

00:13:25,490 --> 00:13:28,190

And I was like, like, yes, but also I'm okay.

242

00:13:28,190 --> 00:13:28,715

Like I'm, mm-hmm.

243

00:13:28,795 --> 00:13:30,080

I'm feeling healthy.

244

00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:31,970

I don't feel massively uncomfortable.

245

00:13:31,970 --> 00:13:34,010

So that was definitely in my favor.

246

00:13:34,117 --> 00:13:39,937

And then right around like the 41 week mark is when I would say I started to.

247

00:13:40,342 --> 00:13:47,122

Experience a lot of like, pressure from my team and, and

maybe I'll just pause to say like, I was with a midwife.

248

00:13:47,152 --> 00:13:47,242

Mm-hmm.

249

00:13:47,927 --> 00:13:49,907

And kind of like a holistic model of care.

250

00:13:49,907 --> 00:13:52,007

So they also had obs on their team.

251

00:13:52,227 --> 00:13:55,257

And like the whole postpartum was all in one office is how it works.

252

00:13:55,287 --> 00:13:55,407

Mm-hmm.

253

00:13:55,647 --> 00:13:57,717

And my plan was to deliver at the hospital as well.

254

00:13:57,844 --> 00:13:59,464

But yeah, right around 41 weeks.

255

00:14:00,319 --> 00:14:04,429

Conversations started happening about like, okay,

we should probably get an induction scheduled.

256

00:14:04,629 --> 00:14:07,089

And I knew that, like I was preparing for that.

257

00:14:07,089 --> 00:14:08,229

I knew that was gonna happen.

258

00:14:08,229 --> 00:14:08,649

Yeah, it's coming.

259

00:14:08,679 --> 00:14:15,999

And I had said like, you know, it, it kind of from the get go, like

as, as long as I'm healthy and baby's healthy, like I, I don't.

260

00:14:16,224 --> 00:14:19,944

I want to have an induction because I wanna have a successful feedback.

261

00:14:20,184 --> 00:14:23,664

And I know that's not gonna, it's not impossible, but it's not gonna help the situation.

262

00:14:23,664 --> 00:14:23,814

Right.

263

00:14:24,064 --> 00:14:26,344

But yeah, really started to feel that pressure.

264

00:14:26,614 --> 00:14:28,444

And it was tough, like mentally, it was quite tough.

265

00:14:29,384 --> 00:14:36,254

Even though I was physically feeling well, it was hard to stay, stay, stay

the course, stay positive, but I really leaned into my support from my doula.

266

00:14:36,254 --> 00:14:38,274

I had hired a doula to, to work with.

267

00:14:38,524 --> 00:14:47,074

And then again, like started listening to more finding, seeking out more stories

of people who went quite ways past their due date, like into the 42 week territory.

268

00:14:47,134 --> 00:14:47,224

Mm-hmm.

269

00:14:47,704 --> 00:14:50,194

To just be like encouraged that like, I can do this.

270

00:14:50,464 --> 00:14:51,934

My body was made to do this.

271

00:14:51,934 --> 00:14:58,954

I really, you know, leaned into that idea of like, I

have and would say to myself like, I have a good body.

272

00:14:59,099 --> 00:14:59,519

Mm-hmm.

273

00:14:59,739 --> 00:15:00,814

My body is good.

274

00:15:00,814 --> 00:15:08,374

Like, I would repeat that to myself all the time because you start having these questions

when you go past, you're significantly past your due day of like, is this gonna happen?

275

00:15:08,374 --> 00:15:09,454

What's wrong with me?

276

00:15:09,814 --> 00:15:13,354

You know, and so those were the things I really, really leaned into.

277

00:15:13,477 --> 00:15:15,247

And, and voices like yours, right?

278

00:15:15,247 --> 00:15:19,567

And, and others out there who are doing such like, meaningful, encouraging work.

279

00:15:20,512 --> 00:15:22,432

Just your circle that you have.

280

00:15:22,432 --> 00:15:28,382

Maybe I, I don't have of the, you know, 10 or so people

who are close to me, who have these birth stories.

281

00:15:28,832 --> 00:15:30,377

Nothing looks like mine, so.

282

00:15:30,377 --> 00:15:30,697

Mm-hmm.

283

00:15:30,782 --> 00:15:36,452

So I need to kind of broaden my horizon to say, well, there

are other people out there who've experienced this, so.

284

00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:36,820

Yeah.

285

00:15:36,820 --> 00:15:45,440

Going back to the story, it was 41 and two, so it was at this

0.9 days overdue where I went in for another appointment.

286

00:15:45,500 --> 00:15:47,420

They really wanted me to schedule an induction.

287

00:15:47,420 --> 00:15:51,680

I said, fine, like we can schedule one for 42 weeks.

288

00:15:51,710 --> 00:15:51,800

Mm-hmm.

289

00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:53,930

Just to kind of placate the team.

290

00:15:54,110 --> 00:15:56,330

But I knew in my head and my heart that like.

291

00:15:56,900 --> 00:16:02,000

Unless there were signs of concern, I probably would push it out.

292

00:16:02,090 --> 00:16:02,180

Mm-hmm.

293

00:16:02,660 --> 00:16:08,900

And so at 41 weeks is when I started going in for that

additional monitoring, the, the non-res test, the ultrasound.

294

00:16:09,180 --> 00:16:10,200

And I did that twice.

295

00:16:10,205 --> 00:16:11,340

I, I forget the second time.

296

00:16:11,340 --> 00:16:13,710

It was 41 weeks, and then maybe three or four days later.

297

00:16:13,710 --> 00:16:14,160

Mm-hmm.

298

00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:18,840

And baby was looking good, healthy, they weren't concerned about fluid levels.

299

00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:21,270

So I was like, okay, well then let's just stay the course.

300

00:16:21,610 --> 00:16:23,320

Thankfully at 41 and.

301

00:16:23,935 --> 00:16:24,445

Two.

302

00:16:25,105 --> 00:16:28,645

I had, oh, I, I think I had another search sweep at 41.

303

00:16:28,645 --> 00:16:32,305

So in the end I had like five or five attempted ones.

304

00:16:32,415 --> 00:16:34,605

Next, that's a lot of, a lot of hands.

305

00:16:34,605 --> 00:16:34,770

That's a lot.

306

00:16:35,205 --> 00:16:35,385

Yeah.

307

00:16:35,630 --> 00:16:43,635

In nowhere it's, but at that point, at 41 and two, I, I

finally had like a successful one where, I was two centimeters.

308

00:16:43,635 --> 00:16:47,955

They were able to get in there, do a sweep, and that was like such a sigh of relief.

309

00:16:47,955 --> 00:16:50,295

I was like, okay, some, something is happening.

310

00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:50,500

Something's

311

00:16:50,500 --> 00:16:50,660

Lo: happening.

312

00:16:50,665 --> 00:16:50,955

Yeah,

313

00:16:51,615 --> 00:16:54,195

Priscilla: my body is moving in the right direction.

314

00:16:54,305 --> 00:16:57,005

So yeah, that was, that was a Thursday.

315

00:16:57,245 --> 00:17:01,215

They wanted me to come in the next day to do another one, which I thought was curious.

316

00:17:01,215 --> 00:17:10,275

'cause normally I was under the impression you kind of wait a couple

days, but I think because we were getting so close to that, like 10 days

overdue, they're like, mm-hmm let's just do whatever we can to help you.

317

00:17:11,475 --> 00:17:19,065

So I went in, again, went to acupuncture, and then kind of that

weekend I had like some cramping, but nothing really major.

318

00:17:19,935 --> 00:17:23,725

It was Sunday, which was now, kind of two days before that.

319

00:17:23,725 --> 00:17:24,550

42 week mark.

320

00:17:24,550 --> 00:17:24,790

Mm-hmm.

321

00:17:24,875 --> 00:17:26,035

That was gonna be the Tuesday.

322

00:17:26,445 --> 00:17:30,402

That I, that whole weekend actually, I, I was like, I'm just gonna.

323

00:17:30,492 --> 00:17:47,742

I was feeling a lot of pressure after conversations with my team because

then I got this phone call from the OB in on my team who said like,

you know what, actually there's certain obs I've just learned, there's

certain obs at the hospital who won't induce a, A tolac or a vbac.

324

00:17:47,982 --> 00:17:48,102

Mm-hmm.

325

00:17:48,342 --> 00:17:53,532

Because of the increased risk of uterine scar rupture.

326

00:17:53,862 --> 00:17:54,072

Mm-hmm.

327

00:17:55,587 --> 00:18:04,057

So I really think, you know, she looked at the schedule and she's

like, I really think you should schedule your induction for Sunday,

because that person will do it, but Monday, Tuesday they won't.

328

00:18:04,627 --> 00:18:10,207

And that was such a frustrating, confusing conversation

because I was like, a, I don't wanna have an induction.

329

00:18:11,167 --> 00:18:11,257

Mm-hmm.

330

00:18:11,497 --> 00:18:18,127

B now I feel even more pressure than I already

do to like go into labor before this happens.

331

00:18:18,397 --> 00:18:27,367

So I think I got a call on the weekend on, I can't remember

if it was Friday or Saturday, like, okay, so, and I had, I

didn't agree to, like my induction was scheduled for 42 weeks.

332

00:18:27,427 --> 00:18:30,097

I didn't agree to move it, but I was like, thanks for letting me know.

333

00:18:30,787 --> 00:18:38,017

I do believe she like had the best intentions at heart,

but I was just like, okay, we'll just leave it as it is.

334

00:18:38,017 --> 00:18:42,727

But then I got a call from the hospital being like, so we see

that you're scheduled to come in for an induction on Sunday.

335

00:18:43,237 --> 00:18:45,712

And I was like, are you, no, I'm not.

336

00:18:46,192 --> 00:18:48,667

Yeah, like, thanks, but no thanks.

337

00:18:48,667 --> 00:18:50,257

And that was like so annoying to me.

338

00:18:50,257 --> 00:18:51,397

I was like, why did they do that?

339

00:18:51,397 --> 00:18:51,607

Like.

340

00:18:52,432 --> 00:19:00,892

But anyways, I was like, thanks, but I'm, I'm not coming in and actually like,

just so you know, I had a stretch and sweep yesterday of two centimeters ated.

341

00:19:00,952 --> 00:19:02,062

So I think things are gonna happen.

342

00:19:02,589 --> 00:19:04,589

And I had, then a, a conversation.

343

00:19:04,829 --> 00:19:07,019

One of my midwives actually called me to just check in.

344

00:19:07,019 --> 00:19:12,359

She's like, Hey, I saw maybe you were coming in, but sounds

like not like really supportive, whatever you wanna do.

345

00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:13,559

Like I support you.

346

00:19:13,559 --> 00:19:14,729

Sounds like you've got a plan.

347

00:19:14,729 --> 00:19:15,809

And that was so encouraging.

348

00:19:15,809 --> 00:19:17,099

And so then I just kind of touched base.

349

00:19:17,099 --> 00:19:19,079

I was like, yeah, it feels like things might be happening.

350

00:19:19,419 --> 00:19:23,559

But yeah, it was, it was just such an intense couple days of.

351

00:19:24,114 --> 00:19:30,564

Just a lot of emotion and then like waking up in the mornings

feeling like, so disappointed that I'm like feeling I'm still here.

352

00:19:31,164 --> 00:19:32,274

I have not gone into labor.

353

00:19:32,274 --> 00:19:32,964

Nothing happened.

354

00:19:32,964 --> 00:19:33,324

Yep.

355

00:19:33,864 --> 00:19:34,404

It does feel like

356

00:19:34,404 --> 00:19:34,734

Lo: that.

357

00:19:34,784 --> 00:19:43,874

Priscilla: But at the same time, like tried to really, like, tried my best

to like soak up time with like my husband who was off work and my daughter

knowing like there was only a few more days left of just a family of three.

358

00:19:45,034 --> 00:19:46,504

So anyways, part three, like.

359

00:19:47,534 --> 00:19:50,414

Spoiler alert, I actually went into labor, which was so exciting.

360

00:19:50,477 --> 00:20:02,897

So it was Sunday I had gone and got acupuncture, and that was the first

time during that acupuncture session that I felt like I had two contractions

because I, they were really mild, but like they had that like wave, like.

361

00:20:03,362 --> 00:20:09,032

Sensation where they kind of grew and then peaked

and came down and I was like, Ooh, maybe this is it.

362

00:20:09,165 --> 00:20:11,235

Hoping something would happen that afternoon.

363

00:20:11,555 --> 00:20:12,425

Nothing really did.

364

00:20:12,425 --> 00:20:14,105

I was so tired that evening.

365

00:20:14,105 --> 00:20:17,075

I went to bed at like nine and just like felt so drained.

366

00:20:17,365 --> 00:20:23,185

And then I don't think I really slept but woke up around 1:00 AM to what I was like, okay.

367

00:20:23,455 --> 00:20:24,055

I think.

368

00:20:25,105 --> 00:20:27,265

We, I think this is like, I think this is it.

369

00:20:27,265 --> 00:20:28,435

I think something's happening.

370

00:20:28,645 --> 00:20:36,535

So this was, yeah, day before 42 weeks Uhhuh, 1:00 AM

I'm like laying in bed trying to just chill, relax.

371

00:20:36,905 --> 00:20:41,645

And I, but I was also so excited after all of this intense emotion.

372

00:20:41,735 --> 00:20:43,235

I was like, it's finally happening.

373

00:20:43,485 --> 00:20:48,015

So I think I laid in bed for about an hour, then I went to the washroom to just like.

374

00:20:48,705 --> 00:20:49,545

Chill out in there.

375

00:20:49,545 --> 00:20:57,895

I think that's, at that point I started like, timing just to see

like, is was there any, kind of consistency or or rhythm to mm-hmm.

376

00:20:58,135 --> 00:21:06,385

Them, them and there was, they were, I think about somewhere

between like eight to 10 minutes apart, and between 45 to a minute.

377

00:21:06,445 --> 00:21:09,355

So I knew, I was like, okay, this is like early labor.

378

00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:09,460

Mm-hmm.

379

00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:09,860

But.

380

00:21:10,580 --> 00:21:11,270

Something's happening.

381

00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:13,400

Texted my doula, let her know what was happening.

382

00:21:13,820 --> 00:21:16,340

And then somewhere in there too, like I called my mom.

383

00:21:16,340 --> 00:21:17,360

She lives about an hour away.

384

00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:19,130

She was gonna come take care of my oldest.

385

00:21:19,470 --> 00:21:23,580

So called her in the middle of the night and you know, she was like, waiting bags packed.

386

00:21:23,580 --> 00:21:25,290

Happened for like weeks, weeks.

387

00:21:25,950 --> 00:21:26,820

She's like, I'm there.

388

00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:28,050

Yeah, exactly.

389

00:21:28,100 --> 00:21:28,450

Which is great.

390

00:21:28,725 --> 00:21:32,085

And just kind of brought me peace of mind knowing she was there in case.

391

00:21:32,085 --> 00:21:32,175

Mm-hmm.

392

00:21:32,415 --> 00:21:33,945

Things were to ramp up quickly.

393

00:21:34,215 --> 00:21:37,268

Given that there was a bit of a distance between us, so she came.

394

00:21:37,673 --> 00:21:42,893

Told her the story and that, that was the point where I think

I woke my husband up too and I was like, Hey, just called mom.

395

00:21:42,893 --> 00:21:47,003

Like things are happening, but I'm gonna try and go back to bed.

396

00:21:47,003 --> 00:21:50,633

Actually, I think I somewhere in there like, did

my hair because I was like, of course you did.

397

00:21:51,233 --> 00:21:51,503

Yeah.

398

00:21:51,503 --> 00:21:51,653

Oh.

399

00:21:51,653 --> 00:21:53,813

Like things might, what if things happen super fast?

400

00:21:53,813 --> 00:21:54,803

Like my hair's gonna be done.

401

00:21:55,273 --> 00:21:56,113

Just was hilarious.

402

00:21:56,683 --> 00:21:59,503

And then I tried, like, tried to go back to bed.

403

00:22:00,588 --> 00:22:09,938

And I think I did for, for a little bit, you know, I think I woke up around

like 8:00 AM to like start getting ready, have some breakfast, and yeah.

404

00:22:09,938 --> 00:22:14,438

And my goal was to like, I wanted to stay at home as long as I could.

405

00:22:15,048 --> 00:22:16,308

And, and really kind of.

406

00:22:16,788 --> 00:22:18,288

Embrace that comfort of home.

407

00:22:18,288 --> 00:22:18,378

Mm-hmm.

408

00:22:18,378 --> 00:22:22,488

Before going to the hospital, it was like, I did

not want to go to the hospital and be turned away.

409

00:22:22,488 --> 00:22:28,128

Like, I was like, I'm not gonna be that, that first

time laborer who goes in, which is totally okay if

410

00:22:28,128 --> 00:22:28,458

Lo: you are.

411

00:22:28,458 --> 00:22:29,538

I just have to say that.

412

00:22:29,538 --> 00:22:31,158

But I always feel that way too.

413

00:22:31,158 --> 00:22:31,248

Yes.

414

00:22:31,449 --> 00:22:32,312

it's okay if it happens

415

00:22:32,812 --> 00:22:33,352

Priscilla: and you dunno.

416

00:22:33,372 --> 00:22:34,517

You have no idea.

417

00:22:34,877 --> 00:22:35,597

No the first time.

418

00:22:35,747 --> 00:22:36,407

You have no idea.

419

00:22:36,437 --> 00:22:36,647

Mm-hmm.

420

00:22:37,537 --> 00:22:43,297

But yeah, so I really kind of leaned into as I was laboring at

home, just a lot of the things that, you know, you, you teach,

421

00:22:43,567 --> 00:22:51,967

that kind of are in the hypnobirthing world in terms of, like breath

work was, was a huge, like that, that's kind of the be all, end all.

422

00:22:52,357 --> 00:22:58,717

And then listening to like positive birth affirmations, I had

like the Christian Hypnobirthing app that I was listening to.

423

00:22:59,057 --> 00:23:06,257

I had a, a birth ball I was sitting on and so I kind of like

just went around our small apartment, which on my birth ball.

424

00:23:06,857 --> 00:23:15,127

Laying in bed a little bit, but I didn't, it got really intense when I laid down,

so I didn't really like laying down and, yeah, and just kind of walking around.

425

00:23:15,337 --> 00:23:21,247

My mom took my daughter to the park for like three hours, which

was such a gift to just have them kind of outta the house.

426

00:23:21,607 --> 00:23:24,247

And then I could just kind of be with, with my husband.

427

00:23:24,517 --> 00:23:30,322

I didn't like really need or want a lot from him

besides like his presence, like I was mostly mm-hmm.

428

00:23:30,322 --> 00:23:30,402

Kind of.

429

00:23:31,042 --> 00:23:32,632

On my own, doing my own thing.

430

00:23:32,992 --> 00:23:39,172

We tried every once in a while, like the counter pressure as things got more

intense, but I never really, I don't know if we didn't have it figured out.

431

00:23:39,172 --> 00:23:39,382

Right.

432

00:23:39,382 --> 00:23:40,282

But I just didn't love it.

433

00:23:40,282 --> 00:23:40,882

I was like, no.

434

00:23:40,882 --> 00:23:42,052

Like no thanks, just sleep.

435

00:23:42,202 --> 00:23:42,262

Yeah.

436

00:23:42,712 --> 00:23:51,772

But my goal was to like leave a lot of like the tools I had in my pocket in terms of

like tense machine, aromatherapy, even like hydrotherapy and like being in the tub.

437

00:23:51,772 --> 00:23:51,782

Mm-hmm.

438

00:23:51,872 --> 00:23:52,862

For the hospital.

439

00:23:52,862 --> 00:23:56,642

I was like, I wanna say that to the end and do as much as I can on my own.

440

00:23:57,212 --> 00:24:06,242

But anyways, it was around like noon I think when, so just about 12 hours

in where my doula, we had been texting throughout, but she checked in again.

441

00:24:06,242 --> 00:24:07,292

She's like, how are things going?

442

00:24:07,592 --> 00:24:12,182

And at that point, my contractions were about every

five minutes, somewhere around five minutes apart.

443

00:24:12,452 --> 00:24:17,352

And my goal was to go in, at 3 1 1, so like three minutes apart.

444

00:24:17,732 --> 00:24:20,012

One minute in duration for an hour.

445

00:24:20,012 --> 00:24:21,662

That was when I was like, gonna go in the hospital.

446

00:24:21,782 --> 00:24:27,034

We were about, give or take, 20, 25 to 45 minutes to the hospital, depending on traffic.

447

00:24:27,064 --> 00:24:27,094

Okay.

448

00:24:27,167 --> 00:24:29,177

And so that was what I was aiming for.

449

00:24:29,597 --> 00:24:33,197

And I'll also say like, throughout the time I, I didn't do a ton of timing.

450

00:24:33,197 --> 00:24:38,267

I was more just trying to kind of like be in my

body and, and just kind of feel what was going on.

451

00:24:38,267 --> 00:24:39,467

But anyways, she checked in.

452

00:24:39,857 --> 00:24:40,727

Like, how are things going?

453

00:24:40,727 --> 00:24:44,687

I gave her the update I just gave you and, and she's like, why don't you?

454

00:24:44,687 --> 00:24:45,887

She's like, are you, are you eating?

455

00:24:45,887 --> 00:24:46,547

Are you resting?

456

00:24:46,547 --> 00:24:47,597

I was like, eating, yes.

457

00:24:47,597 --> 00:24:55,592

Like I had been able to eat, drinking lots of water and, but I

was like, I can't, like resting, like, not really, like mm-hmm.

458

00:24:55,817 --> 00:25:03,707

I, like, I, I told her, I was like, when I lay down, like I get really, like, it

gets really intense and so she suggested, she was like, why don't you have a bath?

459

00:25:03,857 --> 00:25:07,847

Have a 20 to 30 minute bath, then try and lay down and have a sleep.

460

00:25:08,267 --> 00:25:10,967

And then, go for a walk to like get things going again.

461

00:25:10,967 --> 00:25:13,847

And I was like, oh, like are you sure your path's a good idea?

462

00:25:13,847 --> 00:25:14,807

Like, is it too soon?

463

00:25:14,807 --> 00:25:18,347

Because I had heard sometimes if you go into the tub, I can slow things down.

464

00:25:18,647 --> 00:25:19,517

And she was like, no.

465

00:25:19,517 --> 00:25:22,997

Like that's kind of what we want so you can relax, get some rest, recover.

466

00:25:22,997 --> 00:25:23,087

Mm-hmm.

467

00:25:23,507 --> 00:25:24,707

And then get things going again.

468

00:25:25,097 --> 00:25:29,867

And when she was like telling me all this through text, I

was just like, oh my gosh, it all sounds just exhausting.

469

00:25:30,677 --> 00:25:35,147

And I think that was like an indication that I was probably like well into active labor.

470

00:25:35,152 --> 00:25:35,372

Mm-hmm.

471

00:25:35,552 --> 00:25:37,712

And, but I was like, okay, like we'll try it.

472

00:25:37,982 --> 00:25:40,472

So I get into the tub, things did not slow down.

473

00:25:41,222 --> 00:25:44,487

Like if anything, that's the point where I feel like things really started to mm-hmm.

474

00:25:44,572 --> 00:25:46,172

To ramp up and to intensify.

475

00:25:46,652 --> 00:25:47,972

Just in terms of my contractions.

476

00:25:47,972 --> 00:25:54,862

I like needed my husband there with me, like just holding

my hand as I experienced kind of the intensity of them.

477

00:25:55,162 --> 00:25:59,082

And, so my plan, so I was like, ready to get outta the tub and I said like.

478

00:25:59,937 --> 00:26:06,867

Okay, I'll go lay, I'll go lay down for a little bit, but I think we need to

start timing them again and see if like, we're ready to go into the hospital.

479

00:26:07,112 --> 00:26:13,712

So I kind of made it like the, the 12, 10 to 12

feet between my bed, the, the bathtub to my bed.

480

00:26:13,986 --> 00:26:14,046

Yeah.

481

00:26:14,046 --> 00:26:15,636

And had like two or three contractions.

482

00:26:15,636 --> 00:26:20,076

I laid down for like two or three and I was like, we do not have time to time these.

483

00:26:20,226 --> 00:26:21,756

Like, we need to go to the hospital.

484

00:26:21,756 --> 00:26:21,846

Yeah.

485

00:26:21,846 --> 00:26:25,356

Like, I, I just knew that it was, it was time.

486

00:26:26,421 --> 00:26:34,881

So then it was about a half an hour of us trying to like gather up her

stuff, me trying to get dressed, which felt like a big ordeal and exhausting.

487

00:26:34,961 --> 00:26:41,291

And, and then I distinctly remember, I'm like leaning on the wall

in our bedroom and I said to my hu, we're about to go to the car.

488

00:26:41,291 --> 00:26:43,271

And I was like, I don't.

489

00:26:43,811 --> 00:26:46,001

I don't know if we have time to go to the hospital.

490

00:26:46,061 --> 00:26:48,551

Like I think this baby might come here.

491

00:26:49,001 --> 00:26:51,071

Like, I, I don't know if we can, we're gonna make it.

492

00:26:51,911 --> 00:26:55,181

And then we like talked about it and we're like, no, we're gonna go to the hospital.

493

00:26:55,181 --> 00:26:56,201

We wanna go to the hospital.

494

00:26:56,831 --> 00:26:57,131

495

00:26:57,341 --> 00:26:59,361

Lo: I'm sure your husband was like, we're going to the hospital.

496

00:26:59,361 --> 00:27:00,356

Yeah, exactly.

497

00:27:00,706 --> 00:27:01,196

Priscilla: Exactly.

498

00:27:01,546 --> 00:27:02,081

Okay, great.

499

00:27:02,801 --> 00:27:03,221

No way.

500

00:27:03,221 --> 00:27:04,271

This baby is coming here.

501

00:27:04,961 --> 00:27:07,601

And so get into the car.

502

00:27:07,781 --> 00:27:11,141

It was a hellish car ride to the hospital ride.

503

00:27:12,521 --> 00:27:14,771

Oh, it, the contractions were so intense.

504

00:27:14,771 --> 00:27:18,341

I swear we picked like the bumpiest road to, to drive down.

505

00:27:18,821 --> 00:27:27,131

I was like, I, I'm not a swearer, but that's when my, my fun language started

coming out at all the traffic and I was like, ah, like, get me to the hospital.

506

00:27:27,941 --> 00:27:32,321

And yeah, and definitely on the car ride there, I was like, is my body pushing?

507

00:27:32,321 --> 00:27:34,301

Like, is this, is this baby coming?

508

00:27:34,301 --> 00:27:36,071

Like, I do not wanna have this baby in the car.

509

00:27:36,071 --> 00:27:38,136

Like, I was scared at that point, like, ugh.

510

00:27:39,761 --> 00:27:42,521

So anyways, he made us to the hospital, babysit, not come in the car.

511

00:27:43,511 --> 00:27:47,321

I remember saying to him too, in the car, I was like, do I even need to go into triage?

512

00:27:47,321 --> 00:27:49,211

Like I'm sure I'm in active labor.

513

00:27:49,211 --> 00:27:51,311

Like they don't even, like, they don't need to check me.

514

00:27:51,311 --> 00:27:52,331

Like I'm convinced.

515

00:27:52,331 --> 00:27:56,816

And he's kind of sitting there like, I don't know, like, why are you asking me?

516

00:27:57,611 --> 00:27:58,661

But sure enough, I go there.

517

00:27:58,661 --> 00:28:00,731

Of course, I have to go into triage and get checked.

518

00:28:01,571 --> 00:28:06,671

So I get up onto the bed, which was such an ordeal 'cause it

was, it was like so uncomfortable 'cause things were mm-hmm.

519

00:28:06,671 --> 00:28:07,691

Happening for sure.

520

00:28:07,931 --> 00:28:09,821

They checked me and I was eight centimeters.

521

00:28:10,091 --> 00:28:10,601

Lo: Amazing.

522

00:28:11,081 --> 00:28:13,691

Priscilla: So I, which was like, so exciting.

523

00:28:13,751 --> 00:28:14,081

Lo: Yeah.

524

00:28:14,151 --> 00:28:15,081

Priscilla: And then I was like, okay.

525

00:28:15,081 --> 00:28:20,481

I was probably like getting into transition mm-hmm As I'm

driving to the hospital, no wonder it felt so intense.

526

00:28:21,801 --> 00:28:26,871

And it was funny 'cause I walked into the, like to the triage room, the porn nurse.

527

00:28:27,756 --> 00:28:31,726

She was like, okay, well here's your, here's your,

here's your gown that we're gonna get you to put on.

528

00:28:31,726 --> 00:28:33,646

And I was like, like, no thanks.

529

00:28:33,646 --> 00:28:35,056

I'm just gonna wear my own clothes.

530

00:28:35,056 --> 00:28:36,376

Like that was something I wanted to do.

531

00:28:37,066 --> 00:28:37,286

And.

532

00:28:38,191 --> 00:28:40,531

And then she's like, okay, well we're just gonna get you fitted for an iv.

533

00:28:40,861 --> 00:28:42,691

And she's like saying these things also nicely.

534

00:28:42,691 --> 00:28:44,011

I was like, no, thanks.

535

00:28:44,011 --> 00:28:46,981

Like I don't want an iv, until it's necessary.

536

00:28:46,981 --> 00:28:50,761

And then my husband at this point I think said to

another nurse, he's like, can you go get her doula?

537

00:28:50,761 --> 00:28:56,671

Like she was somewhere in the hospital delivering another

baby, and him being like, can you go get her to come help?

538

00:28:56,671 --> 00:28:57,571

Like, deal with my brain?

539

00:28:59,161 --> 00:29:00,181

And so, yeah.

540

00:29:00,271 --> 00:29:05,131

Was like kind of right away, like, this is, I, I don't

necessarily wanna do all the things that are typical.

541

00:29:05,131 --> 00:29:05,141

Mm-hmm.

542

00:29:05,356 --> 00:29:09,376

And I was really, I'll come to this later, but I was really grateful at that point.

543

00:29:09,376 --> 00:29:10,006

I didn't get an iv.

544

00:29:10,816 --> 00:29:14,626

But yeah, so eight centimeters, they're like,

Hey, let's get get you up into labor and delivery.

545

00:29:14,716 --> 00:29:15,646

Got on a wheelchair.

546

00:29:15,646 --> 00:29:17,536

They, they wheeled me up and I sat down.

547

00:29:17,536 --> 00:29:19,996

I was like, Hey, when I have a contraction, like, we're gonna stop, right?

548

00:29:19,996 --> 00:29:20,056

Yeah.

549

00:29:20,056 --> 00:29:21,046

She's like, yes, don't worry.

550

00:29:21,691 --> 00:29:23,146

I was like, I can't have anything happening.

551

00:29:23,146 --> 00:29:24,011

Like I really have to focus.

552

00:29:24,901 --> 00:29:28,361

Oh, and in the trios room was where I first got offered, like gas, like mm-hmm.

553

00:29:28,481 --> 00:29:29,651

Nitrogen oxide or whatever.

554

00:29:29,651 --> 00:29:31,631

It's, and I was like, yes, sounds good.

555

00:29:31,631 --> 00:29:34,751

Like, that was something I was always open to and Oh my gosh, that was amazing.

556

00:29:34,811 --> 00:29:35,801

I was like, you liked it.

557

00:29:35,981 --> 00:29:36,671

This is amazing.

558

00:29:36,731 --> 00:29:37,031

Oh, yeah.

559

00:29:37,091 --> 00:29:38,681

Yes, definitely loved it.

560

00:29:39,311 --> 00:29:39,551

Yeah.

561

00:29:39,551 --> 00:29:40,961

Get up into labor and delivery.

562

00:29:41,011 --> 00:29:49,481

My room, my doulas there, met my midwife because I was like

in a rotational clinic where there was like 20 plus midwives.

563

00:29:49,481 --> 00:29:56,231

So I had met with two or three in my kind of prenatal

care, but didn't necessarily know who was gonna be on.

564

00:29:56,261 --> 00:29:56,381

Mm-hmm.

565

00:29:56,621 --> 00:29:57,341

Never met her.

566

00:29:57,561 --> 00:30:06,021

But she was part of the team, so it was, it was great meeting her and they got

me right away, up onto the bed on my knees, leaning over the back of the bed.

567

00:30:06,026 --> 00:30:06,176

Mm-hmm.

568

00:30:07,406 --> 00:30:10,256

To, to just, to labor.

569

00:30:10,256 --> 00:30:13,406

But, and then they got the monitors on me right away, of course.

570

00:30:13,796 --> 00:30:22,706

And I was hoping to have intermittent monitoring, but I knew like

when you first come in, they need to like, have you wear them

for 20 minutes or whatever to just get a, get a pulse on baby.

571

00:30:23,396 --> 00:30:26,696

And she did not like that position.

572

00:30:27,236 --> 00:30:32,216

Her heart rate started dropping, so right away they

got me onto my back and they were quite concerned.

573

00:30:32,389 --> 00:30:34,189

And they wanted to get me to start pushing.

574

00:30:34,249 --> 00:30:38,329

So they, they want, they checked me again by

then, I think I was nine and a half centimeters.

575

00:30:38,359 --> 00:30:38,389

Okay.

576

00:30:38,819 --> 00:30:42,479

Within kind of the span of like 30 minutes from when we arrived.

577

00:30:43,349 --> 00:30:49,949

And, the midwife was like, Hey, I'm, I, I'd like to try and help

you get past that last half a centimeter so you can start pushing.

578

00:30:49,949 --> 00:30:50,939

I was like, okay, sounds good.

579

00:30:51,689 --> 00:30:56,744

So we did that, and I started pushing and it was very much like.

580

00:30:57,449 --> 00:30:58,439

Coached pushing.

581

00:30:58,619 --> 00:31:08,714

And I think in the moment, I, I had my preference earlier was to like, to

kind of figure it out on my own, to lean into some like breathing, pushing.

582

00:31:08,924 --> 00:31:15,524

But because baby's heart rate was dropping and it's again just like

that intensity of the environment, I was like, okay, sounds good.

583

00:31:16,579 --> 00:31:19,309

I didn't say that, but I just like to, but you agree?

584

00:31:20,029 --> 00:31:20,419

Yes.

585

00:31:20,449 --> 00:31:20,779

Yeah.

586

00:31:20,989 --> 00:31:22,804

And yeah, so anyways.

587

00:31:23,279 --> 00:31:31,929

Then there was conversations around, Hey, husband, like, do you wanna catch the baby?

588

00:31:32,109 --> 00:31:32,889

And he was like, no.

589

00:31:33,579 --> 00:31:38,469

And, and then they were also talking to me about

taking my shirt off because baby was coming.

590

00:31:38,739 --> 00:31:40,389

And there was also conversations about,

591

00:31:40,659 --> 00:31:44,139

I can see baby's hair, looks like they have the same color of hair as you.

592

00:31:44,439 --> 00:31:50,649

So in my mind, all of those things, especially as I reflected

back on it, were like, baby's close, like this is happening.

593

00:31:51,189 --> 00:32:05,889

But then I can't remember exactly what happened, but I, I tried a few different

pushing positions and at some point she kind of reverted and like went back up.

594

00:32:06,269 --> 00:32:06,929

And then.

595

00:32:07,889 --> 00:32:08,999

Yeah, probably a position.

596

00:32:08,999 --> 00:32:10,439

I think it was like a position she didn't like.

597

00:32:10,469 --> 00:32:17,849

'cause I was on my back and then I asked if we could try something different and I

moved to like the Tgo, no squatting position I got, I asked if they had a squat rack.

598

00:32:18,059 --> 00:32:18,809

I wanted to squat.

599

00:32:18,809 --> 00:32:21,119

That was kind of how I had envisioned doing most of my pushing.

600

00:32:21,119 --> 00:32:26,039

That's where I feel like I, I would feel strong, kind of an anticipating that.

601

00:32:26,319 --> 00:32:27,399

But she did not like that.

602

00:32:27,519 --> 00:32:30,279

So then I was back on my back then when she had stabilized.

603

00:32:30,279 --> 00:32:31,869

So it was a lot of like, try something.

604

00:32:31,869 --> 00:32:32,799

She didn't love it.

605

00:32:33,122 --> 00:32:35,612

Stabilize the heart rate, try something different.

606

00:32:36,022 --> 00:32:43,042

And yeah, in that process she must have kind of, 'cause

I think she came down to about like zero station.

607

00:32:43,552 --> 00:32:49,582

But then in the end, spoiler alert, like she was at like a minus, minus two, I think.

608

00:32:50,242 --> 00:32:50,812

So.

609

00:32:51,517 --> 00:32:54,037

Yeah, so she, so we tried a bunch of different positions.

610

00:32:54,037 --> 00:32:57,707

Then I went to like the tug of war position, where I was like holding onto the sheet.

611

00:32:58,227 --> 00:33:04,557

Then I went to the toilet and I spent quite a lot of time

laboring there and that's where I asked for the tens machines.

612

00:33:04,617 --> 00:33:09,777

I started using my do list TENS machine, which was really helpful

through the contractions because, and I'd be curious your take on this.

613

00:33:09,777 --> 00:33:12,657

As soon as I had started pushing, they didn't let me have the gas.

614

00:33:12,807 --> 00:33:14,337

Is that common in your experience?

615

00:33:16,032 --> 00:33:23,502

Lo: So my hospital didn't have gas when I was at the bedside,

and they do now, like when I had my babies, but I didn't use it.

616

00:33:23,502 --> 00:33:28,052

So I don't have personal experience using it, but

as far as I've always understood it, nitrous is.

617

00:33:28,622 --> 00:33:30,332

I'm gonna use the word like, so great.

618

00:33:30,572 --> 00:33:37,652

Some people don't like it, but in general, because you can use it like

in combination with an epidural and you can use it really throughout.

619

00:33:37,652 --> 00:33:40,202

Whereas some of the other meds, we can't like put it all together, you know?

620

00:33:40,202 --> 00:33:42,542

It's like you picked this, that's what you get.

621

00:33:43,022 --> 00:33:47,972

So that actually does surprise me because I had

thought that was what was so great about it.

622

00:33:47,972 --> 00:33:52,562

And then the caveat to it always, which you know, is that you have to give it to yourself.

623

00:33:52,567 --> 00:33:52,737

So.

624

00:33:53,397 --> 00:33:55,617

Like you can't, your husband can't hold it on for you.

625

00:33:55,617 --> 00:33:56,877

Your nurse can't do it for you.

626

00:33:56,877 --> 00:33:58,467

Like you have to be in charge of it.

627

00:33:59,007 --> 00:34:02,937

I guess it could be limiting like location, geography wise.

628

00:34:02,937 --> 00:34:06,477

Like if you're in the bathroom and it's not available

to you 'cause it's plugged into the wall or something.

629

00:34:06,477 --> 00:34:06,567

Sure.

630

00:34:06,651 --> 00:34:12,921

But that does surprise me and I mean, yeah, correct me if

I'm wrong someone out there, but I, I feel like that is odd.

631

00:34:13,721 --> 00:34:14,081

Priscilla: Yeah.

632

00:34:14,081 --> 00:34:17,651

Which as I'm saying it now, it's not something I've ever kind of asked about and I should.

633

00:34:17,651 --> 00:34:17,741

Mm-hmm.

634

00:34:17,771 --> 00:34:19,421

'cause I'm curious 'cause I really liked it.

635

00:34:19,751 --> 00:34:19,871

Right.

636

00:34:19,901 --> 00:34:23,651

It was really helpful to me, but for whatever reason,

they didn't want me using it while I was pushing.

637

00:34:23,681 --> 00:34:34,271

And it might, I don't know, it might've been kind of early on 'cause things were

just so intense that they're like, mm-hmm You just have to give all of your energy

and, and focus on pushing and then maybe kind of forgot to pick it back up again.

638

00:34:34,271 --> 00:34:34,691

I don't know.

639

00:34:35,021 --> 00:34:35,531

But anyways.

640

00:34:36,656 --> 00:34:38,006

Like pushing on the toilet.

641

00:34:38,216 --> 00:34:42,326

Kind of had had a stool under my feet, and was sitting like forward.

642

00:34:43,226 --> 00:34:44,756

I spent quite a bit of time there.

643

00:34:44,816 --> 00:34:47,156

And, and again, TENS machine was super helpful.

644

00:34:47,406 --> 00:34:49,626

Kind of working my way through those contractions.

645

00:34:50,346 --> 00:34:53,121

So about two hours had passed of pushing.

646

00:34:54,546 --> 00:34:56,856

I was feeling really drained and tired.

647

00:34:56,916 --> 00:34:57,006

Mm-hmm.

648

00:34:57,706 --> 00:35:01,396

Not actually, not so much physically, but just kind of mentally, emotionally.

649

00:35:01,456 --> 00:35:01,546

Mm-hmm.

650

00:35:01,699 --> 00:35:06,439

And at this point it was, I think around 6, 6 30 in the evening.

651

00:35:06,439 --> 00:35:10,669

So I say my labor started at like 1:00 AM like early labor.

652

00:35:10,759 --> 00:35:16,609

So this is, 17, 18 hours into, into the whole process.

653

00:35:16,879 --> 00:35:22,489

And they wanted, they wanted to check me again

and they wanted to bring an OB into consult.

654

00:35:22,879 --> 00:35:29,929

And I was really hopeful at that point that, maybe when the

OB checked me, like we might be able to use like a vacuum.

655

00:35:30,019 --> 00:35:30,109

Mm-hmm.

656

00:35:30,349 --> 00:35:32,479

Because I just felt like something needed to shift.

657

00:35:32,479 --> 00:35:36,469

I was so like, just ready for, like, I needed to do something different.

658

00:35:36,469 --> 00:35:37,189

And so I was.

659

00:35:37,549 --> 00:35:38,329

Open to that.

660

00:35:38,519 --> 00:35:39,539

To, to keep Yeah.

661

00:35:39,569 --> 00:35:41,339

Like to, to get what I was going for.

662

00:35:41,339 --> 00:35:41,639

Right.

663

00:35:41,639 --> 00:35:44,909

Which is to have sweet and just so eager and excited to like meet, meet the baby.

664

00:35:44,989 --> 00:35:56,759

And yeah, so had, had the, oh, I should say also I, but at the same time,

like I kind of knew without kind of knowing what station baby was at.

665

00:35:56,759 --> 00:35:58,559

They're not like telling you that in the process.

666

00:35:58,559 --> 00:35:58,619

Yeah.

667

00:35:58,619 --> 00:35:59,339

Or I didn't ask.

668

00:35:59,699 --> 00:36:00,749

But I knew enough.

669

00:36:01,514 --> 00:36:04,739

Of what was going on in my body to know she wasn't where she needed to be.

670

00:36:04,739 --> 00:36:05,099

Mm-hmm.

671

00:36:05,184 --> 00:36:11,624

Like I wasn't feeling enough pressure down below

to feel like, oh, my baby is about to exit my body.

672

00:36:11,714 --> 00:36:11,774

Yeah.

673

00:36:12,494 --> 00:36:18,604

So when the OB checked me very intensely, I'll say, and they said like.

674

00:36:19,219 --> 00:36:23,839

Unfortunately, like your baby isn't far enough

down for us to consider a vacuum or forceps.

675

00:36:23,839 --> 00:36:25,909

Like I wasn't super surprised.

676

00:36:25,959 --> 00:36:29,139

I was disappointed a hundred percent, but not super surprised.

677

00:36:29,139 --> 00:36:32,319

'cause I just, I knew in my body she wasn't where she needed to be.

678

00:36:32,595 --> 00:36:40,305

And so then, so then they recommended that I have, a cesarean and that was like.

679

00:36:41,130 --> 00:36:44,670

Yeah, super, super disappointing in the moment.

680

00:36:44,670 --> 00:36:45,480

'cause I was like, ugh.

681

00:36:45,540 --> 00:36:50,550

Like how, how did after all my like hard work and preparation, like how did we get here?

682

00:36:50,647 --> 00:36:57,997

And at the same time, as I said earlier, like I, I needed,

something had to give and I needed something to be different so.

683

00:36:58,392 --> 00:36:59,532

They made their recommendation.

684

00:36:59,532 --> 00:37:00,522

They talk about the risk.

685

00:37:00,762 --> 00:37:01,632

They gave us a room.

686

00:37:01,722 --> 00:37:04,332

I chatted with our doula who I really like, respected.

687

00:37:04,332 --> 00:37:10,782

She had a ton of experience, and had been really supportive

of me and kind of all of my birth goals up until that point.

688

00:37:10,952 --> 00:37:15,572

And, and I think she knew how much I wanted this, and so I really valued her opinion.

689

00:37:16,052 --> 00:37:17,402

And so I was like, what do you think?

690

00:37:17,402 --> 00:37:18,992

And, and she said, honestly, like.

691

00:37:19,397 --> 00:37:22,397

I think we've tried everything safe that we can try.

692

00:37:22,397 --> 00:37:23,087

Mm-hmm.

693

00:37:23,327 --> 00:37:25,157

And I think this is a good plan.

694

00:37:25,337 --> 00:37:44,065

And so between that and talking to my husband who was also like, I think we should

go for it, I was like, okay, let's do, no, I, the one thing I said before we, I

agreed to it, is I, I said to the team, I was like, if I had some, had a chance

to rest, got some medicine because she, her heart rate was stable at this point.

695

00:37:44,065 --> 00:37:46,435

So I was like, if, if I had a chance to like recover a bit.

696

00:37:46,810 --> 00:37:48,550

Could we try some more?

697

00:37:48,550 --> 00:37:48,640

Mm-hmm.

698

00:37:48,940 --> 00:37:56,383

And they said, you know, you could, but it, we don't think it's gonna change

anything because it's not, you're pushing, that's the problem at this point.

699

00:37:56,383 --> 00:37:59,713

Like, it's not, you're like, you're not weak and you're pushing her really strong.

700

00:38:00,193 --> 00:38:02,083

It's that she's, she's not moving.

701

00:38:02,368 --> 00:38:06,368

And so, like, we don't think that's gonna change anything as effectively what they said.

702

00:38:06,728 --> 00:38:15,698

Lo: So did you feel like they were saying it's positional, like for

whatever reason, like this baby isn't, can't come down for some yes.

703

00:38:15,968 --> 00:38:17,048

Reason, but it's not you.

704

00:38:17,348 --> 00:38:18,378

I don't wanna say it's not you.

705

00:38:18,378 --> 00:38:18,403

Exactly.

706

00:38:18,403 --> 00:38:18,683

Priscilla: It's

707

00:38:18,688 --> 00:38:20,408

Lo: the baby, but yeah, exactly.

708

00:38:20,498 --> 00:38:21,368

Priscilla: That's what they were saying.

709

00:38:21,368 --> 00:38:22,748

It's not, you're not the problem.

710

00:38:22,748 --> 00:38:26,528

So you having more rest is not going to be, gonna change anything.

711

00:38:26,978 --> 00:38:29,623

And of course, like I can't change what happened.

712

00:38:29,988 --> 00:38:30,048

Yeah.

713

00:38:30,168 --> 00:38:39,730

But I do think upon further reflection, maybe in that moment, my whole goal in

that conversation was to not look back at regret and I don't look back at regret.

714

00:38:39,910 --> 00:38:39,970

Yeah.

715

00:38:40,030 --> 00:38:51,940

But having learned what I learned and having done a little bit of research

after the fact, I think if I were to be in the exact same situation again,

I might say, well, I want to give it a try anyways and see what happens.

716

00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:52,060

Yeah.

717

00:38:52,450 --> 00:38:54,610

That's, I think if, if I were to do it again, but.

718

00:38:55,410 --> 00:38:58,710

But I didn't, and I said, okay, let's, let's do, let's do it.

719

00:38:58,710 --> 00:38:59,640

Let's do the cesarean.

720

00:38:59,810 --> 00:39:11,285

And then I would say is like the worst, the worst hour of the whole experience was that

next hour, because it was like 6:30 PM So shift change was upon us at the hospital.

721

00:39:13,475 --> 00:39:19,595

It took three different nurses and four attempts for them to get an IV in my arm, which.

722

00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:23,060

Was the worst pain of the whole experience.

723

00:39:23,090 --> 00:39:24,290

It was horrid.

724

00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:31,550

I had bruises on my arms for like weeks after the fact, which

is why I'm so glad I didn't get the IV when I first came in.

725

00:39:32,390 --> 00:39:32,780

And.

726

00:39:33,980 --> 00:39:35,540

Yeah, no, no shame on them.

727

00:39:35,540 --> 00:39:38,540

It was just, I don't know, these people were not skilled in this area.

728

00:39:38,840 --> 00:39:43,400

And then thankfully they had, I was like, well, can I have the gas back now?

729

00:39:43,400 --> 00:39:44,485

And so they did give it back to me.

730

00:39:44,485 --> 00:39:44,685

Mm-hmm.

731

00:39:44,765 --> 00:39:45,200

So that was good.

732

00:39:45,530 --> 00:39:50,960

I felt like for whatever reasons, my reason, my

contractions started like intensifying at this point.

733

00:39:50,965 --> 00:39:51,245

Mm-hmm.

734

00:39:51,655 --> 00:39:56,120

Which I don't really understand, like physiologically, psychologically, why that would be.

735

00:39:56,510 --> 00:40:00,110

And at that point, because I had made the decision to get the cesarean, I was like.

736

00:40:00,680 --> 00:40:02,425

Just give me the spinal, like Yeah.

737

00:40:02,425 --> 00:40:04,340

Like I don't wanna feel this anymore.

738

00:40:04,340 --> 00:40:04,670

Yeah.

739

00:40:04,670 --> 00:40:06,050

Because there's no point, like mm-hmm.

740

00:40:06,290 --> 00:40:07,665

You tell me baby's not moving.

741

00:40:07,775 --> 00:40:09,465

Like, why am I still going through?

742

00:40:09,465 --> 00:40:10,130

It's still hurting.

743

00:40:10,220 --> 00:40:10,460

Lo: Yeah.

744

00:40:10,760 --> 00:40:10,910

And

745

00:40:10,910 --> 00:40:12,865

Priscilla: I was so exhausted, like in mm-hmm.

746

00:40:12,870 --> 00:40:17,180

In my logical brain, looking back at it, I'm like,

well, I should have just kept trying, but mm-hmm.

747

00:40:17,180 --> 00:40:20,840

I was so exhausted and I had made the decision,

like, I was like, we're, this is what we're doing.

748

00:40:20,974 --> 00:40:23,524

And it just felt like it took so long to get me into the, or.

749

00:40:24,664 --> 00:40:27,574

Raising contractions, getting this IV into me.

750

00:40:27,604 --> 00:40:36,634

Anyways, finally we go in there, you know, and I would say, because I had

such a positive, you know, initial experience with a cesarean surgery mm-hmm.

751

00:40:36,874 --> 00:40:41,374

I had a lot of peace like going into it, despite all that, like I st I felt pretty calm.

752

00:40:41,374 --> 00:40:42,179

Like I had done it before.

753

00:40:43,179 --> 00:40:48,909

For whatever reason, I've been just blessed with the most amazing like

anesthesiologists who are just like the kindest people in the world.

754

00:40:48,909 --> 00:40:49,779

They're so great.

755

00:40:50,199 --> 00:40:54,519

And so yeah, went into the room, our doula was able to come with us, which was awesome.

756

00:40:54,549 --> 00:40:56,949

She was just super encouraging throughout that process.

757

00:40:57,489 --> 00:41:00,459

Got to play like some the music that I wanted playing.

758

00:41:00,509 --> 00:41:01,769

And the team was just great.

759

00:41:02,454 --> 00:41:09,684

But it was during shift change and it was quite funny because everyone kept

coming up and introducing themselves to me, which was so professional and kind.

760

00:41:09,684 --> 00:41:12,594

But I was kind of like, can we get the show on the road?

761

00:41:12,624 --> 00:41:12,684

Yeah.

762

00:41:12,684 --> 00:41:14,634

Like, cool, nice to meet you.

763

00:41:14,634 --> 00:41:15,294

I trust you.

764

00:41:15,294 --> 00:41:15,564

Oh, we can

765

00:41:15,564 --> 00:41:16,404

Lo: talk later.

766

00:41:16,464 --> 00:41:17,274

Yeah, I wanna

767

00:41:17,274 --> 00:41:18,204

Priscilla: meet my baby.

768

00:41:18,204 --> 00:41:19,134

Like, let's do this.

769

00:41:19,134 --> 00:41:20,949

So yeah, it was just kind of funny in hindsight.

770

00:41:22,234 --> 00:41:23,974

They did, did the surgery.

771

00:41:24,124 --> 00:41:25,174

It went super well.

772

00:41:25,174 --> 00:41:32,814

She came out, crying pink, healthy, you know, which of course was

so encouraging given the fact that she was almost at 42 weeks.

773

00:41:32,814 --> 00:41:35,364

And of course there's all these like concerns, but she was great.

774

00:41:35,454 --> 00:41:36,114

Like she was great.

775

00:41:36,114 --> 00:41:39,594

She was, eight pounds, four ounces.

776

00:41:39,954 --> 00:41:39,984

Okay.

777

00:41:39,984 --> 00:41:41,274

Eight pounds, four or six, one of the two.

778

00:41:41,604 --> 00:41:46,794

And so, yeah, not like, not crazy huge, which of

course is what also what people are worried about.

779

00:41:47,154 --> 00:41:48,294

And yeah, they held her up.

780

00:41:48,444 --> 00:41:49,494

I got to see her.

781

00:41:49,764 --> 00:41:51,594

My husband announced the gender again.

782

00:41:51,654 --> 00:41:53,124

They got her on my chest right away.

783

00:41:53,124 --> 00:41:55,434

She came out like wanting to eat immediately.

784

00:41:55,434 --> 00:41:57,684

My doula like helped her like latch right?

785

00:41:57,744 --> 00:42:02,064

While I was like laying there on the surgery

bed, which was really special and really cool.

786

00:42:02,327 --> 00:42:07,114

Yeah, and it was, you know, it, it was beautiful and, like sitting there I was.

787

00:42:07,295 --> 00:42:25,715

Like felt like equally kind of disappointed that this is where things had landed,

but also so like incredibly proud of myself and like the decisions I had made and

what like the hard work that it took to get there and just the resolve that I had to.

788

00:42:26,010 --> 00:42:29,820

Not kind of cave to the pressure and to the opinions of people around me.

789

00:42:29,820 --> 00:42:38,730

Like, and well intentioned like people I love being like, well, aren't you worried

that the baby's too big, aren't you, wor like, and it, I was like, no, I, I wasn't.

790

00:42:38,730 --> 00:42:41,250

And it was such an experience, like such a journey of like.

791

00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:44,700

Trusting myself and trusting my body.

792

00:42:44,700 --> 00:42:50,790

And I, I would never say like, I would never say that I was a person kind

of leading up to this experience that was really like in tune with my body.

793

00:42:50,790 --> 00:42:55,260

Like I had friends who were like, knew exactly what

was happening and when they ate this, they feel this.

794

00:42:55,260 --> 00:42:56,280

And I'm not like that.

795

00:42:56,280 --> 00:42:58,720

I'm kind of just like, well, if it's not broken, like it's working.

796

00:42:59,140 --> 00:43:00,880

You know, like it's kind of my mindset.

797

00:43:00,880 --> 00:43:04,829

But yeah, it was such a journey of trusting myself, trusting my body.

798

00:43:04,829 --> 00:43:07,599

Again, coming back to that, that, mantra of like.

799

00:43:08,274 --> 00:43:09,354

I have a good body.

800

00:43:09,354 --> 00:43:10,584

My body is good.

801

00:43:10,584 --> 00:43:22,604

And, and despite, you know, landing with another surgery,

which is not what I wanted, I still had accomplished like three

outta my four goals, which was to achieve spontaneous labor.

802

00:43:23,744 --> 00:43:27,134

To avoid an epidural and to avoid medicine, like the whole journey.

803

00:43:27,134 --> 00:43:30,564

I had been into the surgery, of course, you know, it was unmedicated.

804

00:43:30,864 --> 00:43:40,664

And I was so proud of that experience, not because it got me a medal or

anything, but because it was what I set out to do and what I, really wanted.

805

00:43:41,849 --> 00:43:42,299

And yeah.

806

00:43:42,299 --> 00:43:56,369

And then, went into kind of, kind of that post-op room, had had an hour to, to

be with her and, and just to have her nurse and right away, with my first, we had

a really rough go at breastfeeding for the first, first two weeks I would say.

807

00:43:56,399 --> 00:43:56,669

I mean mm-hmm.

808

00:43:56,909 --> 00:43:58,349

Kind of the whole thing got started.

809

00:43:58,349 --> 00:44:00,179

It was just tough, like for a variety.

810

00:44:00,239 --> 00:44:06,419

Nothing, no, nothing overt, like, not tongue ties or anything, but just,

it just took us a while to find our rhythm and it was really painful.

811

00:44:07,334 --> 00:44:13,844

This time around it was such a gift because she knew

what she was doing and I had a better handle on things.

812

00:44:13,844 --> 00:44:13,904

Yeah.

813

00:44:13,904 --> 00:44:18,704

And it was just off to such a, a more positive start,

which made that experience just so much better.

814

00:44:18,945 --> 00:44:32,295

So yeah, I mean, I guess that's probably where I would like conclude the I, I mean,

the last thing I'd say is like through those last couple or those first few weeks

postpartum, I would say like the first three weeks or so, it was tough because every time.

815

00:44:33,765 --> 00:44:36,435

Not because she was tough, like she's a pretty easygoing baby.

816

00:44:36,485 --> 00:44:41,260

But because every time I would like experience

incision pain while I'm trying to nurse mm-hmm.

817

00:44:41,340 --> 00:44:47,445

Or like be frustrated that I can't pick up my oldest and

like put her to bed, because I have to be so careful.

818

00:44:47,955 --> 00:44:49,335

It just felt like this.

819

00:44:49,335 --> 00:44:50,685

And I think I had expressed this to you.

820

00:44:50,685 --> 00:44:53,665

Like it just felt like this constant reminder of what I was.

821

00:44:54,145 --> 00:44:55,315

Trying so hard to avoid.

822

00:44:55,315 --> 00:44:55,405

Mm-hmm.

823

00:44:56,005 --> 00:44:59,665

And one of like the key motivators of why I wanted a vbac.

824

00:44:59,865 --> 00:45:01,365

And so I have to like wrestle through that.

825

00:45:01,365 --> 00:45:10,515

And then there was this other moment which I had, I had been talking to you

about, messaging you about where I was like, kind of going through my OB report.

826

00:45:11,115 --> 00:45:11,265

Mm-hmm.

827

00:45:11,455 --> 00:45:14,355

And just trying to like, understand and like reconcile what happened.

828

00:45:14,355 --> 00:45:14,715

Right.

829

00:45:14,805 --> 00:45:17,565

And which I think is so important and meaningful.

830

00:45:18,019 --> 00:45:24,649

And she was in the end, like they said, she was asynclitic so

effectively, like her head was crooked coming down my pelvis.

831

00:45:24,649 --> 00:45:30,319

She was kind of like trying to come out like, I don't know how to

describe this back part of her head rather than the front part.

832

00:45:30,319 --> 00:45:30,409

Mm-hmm.

833

00:45:31,159 --> 00:45:40,609

And so then I was like googling like asynclitic presentation and came across

this spinning babies page that had like all of these things you could try.

834

00:45:40,999 --> 00:45:42,349

And I just in that moment like.

835

00:45:43,069 --> 00:45:46,159

I, I started crying and I was like, oh man.

836

00:45:46,159 --> 00:45:48,999

Like where, where was this page when?

837

00:45:49,004 --> 00:45:54,039

And, and I think you just go, for me anyways, I go into

this like, why didn't, why didn't someone tell me this?

838

00:45:54,039 --> 00:45:55,269

Or why, like, I got kind of mad.

839

00:45:55,269 --> 00:45:57,549

Like, I was like, why didn't, why didn't I try these things?

840

00:45:57,999 --> 00:46:02,619

And, and that's when, your, your words were so encouraging.

841

00:46:02,619 --> 00:46:07,059

'cause you're like, you, you can't blame yourself for what you didn't know.

842

00:46:07,059 --> 00:46:08,949

Like you didn't have that in hand at the time.

843

00:46:08,949 --> 00:46:11,709

Like you can't, you can't rewrite the past.

844

00:46:11,769 --> 00:46:20,289

And yeah, if I were in that exact position again, or if I had a friend

whose baby was, you know, asynclitic, I'd be like, check out this page.

845

00:46:20,289 --> 00:46:20,379

Yeah.

846

00:46:20,379 --> 00:46:21,699

Like, try these things.

847

00:46:22,059 --> 00:46:22,119

Yeah.

848

00:46:22,119 --> 00:46:25,479

And, and there's probably a good chance that we did try a handful of them.

849

00:46:25,479 --> 00:46:28,449

You know, like I said, we tried probably like four or five different positions.

850

00:46:28,749 --> 00:46:32,319

She didn't like a lot of them, so she was, you

know, a little picky in the womb, but mm-hmm.

851

00:46:32,619 --> 00:46:36,789

You know, it, so it was hard because I, I am, and that's my personality.

852

00:46:36,849 --> 00:46:40,449

I am always the person who's gonna be like, what, what went wrong?

853

00:46:40,449 --> 00:46:41,064

What could be better?

854

00:46:41,324 --> 00:46:41,744

Mm-hmm.

855

00:46:41,824 --> 00:46:44,409

Like, it's never gonna be a hundred percent, there's always things you can prove.

856

00:46:44,409 --> 00:46:45,779

That's just how my brain works.

857

00:46:45,935 --> 00:46:45,995

Yeah.

858

00:46:45,995 --> 00:46:48,935

And I have to really like, wrestle with that and, and trust that like.

859

00:46:49,410 --> 00:46:57,915

It was a, it was a good experience and I learned a lot, and I learned

things that I will take with me forward, into my next birth, you know?

860

00:46:58,055 --> 00:46:58,475

Mm-hmm.

861

00:46:58,555 --> 00:47:00,030

Like, which I'm hoping to have.

862

00:47:00,030 --> 00:47:02,190

And so, yeah.

863

00:47:02,190 --> 00:47:16,660

And, and now like I say, I, I say, I think I've mostly come to terms with

it, and yet I'm still here telling you, talking to you and have a few tears

coming down my face because it's, you know, just because I've come to terms

with it doesn't mean I'm still not a little bit sad that it didn't, yeah.

864

00:47:17,475 --> 00:47:20,115

Turn out exactly how I hoped it would.

865

00:47:20,115 --> 00:47:20,475

866

00:47:20,595 --> 00:47:20,955

Lo: yeah.

867

00:47:21,285 --> 00:47:25,195

But Priscilla, that's like, in my opinion, the whole point of sharing these stories is.

868

00:47:25,965 --> 00:47:32,625

Because I think it's such a good reminder to all of us

of how we can kind of like hold multiple things at once.

869

00:47:32,625 --> 00:47:32,985

Right?

870

00:47:33,135 --> 00:47:49,964

Like you said when you described the second cesarean, it was beautiful and

your face was lit up and like you clearly have so many really good memories of

that cesarean, even though you did not want to be in that or, and yeah, and,

and so obviously postpartum is when you really start to process like, whoa.

871

00:47:49,964 --> 00:47:54,378

I also feel really sad too, but I think it is just such a good reminder that.

872

00:47:54,918 --> 00:47:56,688

I think even in, you know.

873

00:47:56,908 --> 00:48:01,618

I'm gonna say like quote unquote perfect births,

like there's often multiple things still being held.

874

00:48:01,618 --> 00:48:03,298

Like it's pretty rare.

875

00:48:03,298 --> 00:48:09,715

I think that people just get everything they wanted, and so it can be

more extreme sometimes of how you have to kind of hold two things at once.

876

00:48:09,715 --> 00:48:11,155

But I think it's cool.

877

00:48:11,155 --> 00:48:16,735

Like I get to see you right now while we talk, and so

I can see you crying while you're smiling or whatever.

878

00:48:16,735 --> 00:48:21,055

And it's just such a good example of how, how this goes sometimes and that it's mm-hmm.

879

00:48:21,240 --> 00:48:21,520

Mm-hmm.

880

00:48:21,665 --> 00:48:27,575

Real, and it can be hard to explain because you, you're sitting

there going, I'm sad and I'm happy and it doesn't make sense.

881

00:48:27,575 --> 00:48:31,565

But that's, yeah, that's what it was to have birth like this, you know?

882

00:48:31,665 --> 00:48:36,292

So I'm grateful when people like you share stories that don't always go the way that.

883

00:48:36,439 --> 00:48:47,209

We're intended or wanted, because I think it's a really good thing

for us to learn from and see so that when we inevitably hit those

moments too, whether it be in our birth or life or whatever, yeah.

884

00:48:47,209 --> 00:48:48,769

You can say, oh yeah, I'm allowed to feel both.

885

00:48:48,769 --> 00:48:49,039

Right?

886

00:48:49,039 --> 00:48:52,669

Because yes, you probably feel, feel this duality at some point when you're a mom.

887

00:48:52,669 --> 00:48:56,869

And so sometimes it happens right here when we're first getting to meet our babies.

888

00:48:56,869 --> 00:48:59,869

And sometimes it shows up later, but it's gonna show up, you know?

889

00:49:00,619 --> 00:49:00,859

Priscilla: Yeah.

890

00:49:00,859 --> 00:49:01,909

And then a hundred percent.

891

00:49:02,464 --> 00:49:08,014

Lo: And then the other thing I would say is I so clearly

remember getting messages from you after your birth.

892

00:49:08,144 --> 00:49:11,144

And I just wanted to kind of reiterate what you said.

893

00:49:11,144 --> 00:49:14,684

And you said, I had spoken to you about like, you can't judge.

894

00:49:15,689 --> 00:49:18,599

The person you were in those moments against what you learned now.

895

00:49:18,599 --> 00:49:34,199

And I just wanted to reaffirm that for everybody listening to is that's something

I go back to a lot when I get to talk to my students and I hear it goes, and

obviously not everyone has perfect birth and, and I don't preach that or teach

that because that's, that's foolish and that's dishonest to say it will always be.

896

00:49:35,144 --> 00:49:37,244

Perfect if you take this class or whatever.

897

00:49:37,264 --> 00:49:42,754

But I do think we all have this tendency, we, we leave

our births like you, or maybe some of us do this.

898

00:49:43,204 --> 00:49:51,844

We start to learn and think about how we could fix what went wrong, and

then we try to apply that knowledge and that wisdom that you have now.

899

00:49:52,294 --> 00:49:56,254

Like to the person you were four months ago and, and just, we can't do that.

900

00:49:56,254 --> 00:50:03,694

Like in that moment you obviously clearly did your absolute

best with the information that you had at that moment in time.

901

00:50:04,144 --> 00:50:08,134

And you know more now and you can take that wisdom and carry it forward, but.

902

00:50:08,884 --> 00:50:13,024

The Priscilla you are today is not the same Priscilla you were eight weeks ago.

903

00:50:13,024 --> 00:50:26,101

And so, yeah, it's easy for me to say that You still have to like wrestle with that,

but I do like putting that out in the postpartum world of like, I'm proud of you for

all you've learned now, but you don't get to think like that woman in this woman.

904

00:50:27,016 --> 00:50:35,233

The same, like you've done more, your wisdom has grown and, and

obviously like you said, Lord willing, if you get to have more

babies, you get to bring that forward, but you can't like mm-hmm.

905

00:50:35,593 --> 00:50:37,783

Shift it backwards as much as we wish we could.

906

00:50:37,963 --> 00:50:38,863

So, totally.

907

00:50:39,163 --> 00:50:40,393

I'm just so proud of you.

908

00:50:40,393 --> 00:50:44,713

I read your messages and I thought, obviously there's grief here, right?

909

00:50:44,713 --> 00:50:52,213

And we wanna speak to that and acknowledge that, but man,

and being at the bedside too, those moms who come in labor.

910

00:50:52,633 --> 00:50:56,923

Push, do the entire labor process and then also have a cesarean.

911

00:50:56,923 --> 00:50:59,203

So basically you're having two births in one birth.

912

00:50:59,233 --> 00:51:06,493

Like the level of respect and pride and just kind of awe

I had for those patients and for those students or moms.

913

00:51:06,493 --> 00:51:09,293

Now it's high, like it's really big 'cause you truly did.

914

00:51:10,378 --> 00:51:10,978

All the things.

915

00:51:10,978 --> 00:51:26,868

And then that means you're swollen from pushing and you're sore from laboring,

but then you also have cesarean recovery, like physically speaking, your

body has just done so much and you just, all of you, you just weather it

and you take care of your baby and you move forward and it's just kind of.

916

00:51:27,928 --> 00:51:32,968

Phenomenal to see, even though it is obviously

hard to live, as I'm sure you can attest to.

917

00:51:32,968 --> 00:51:37,651

So I am really, really proud of you as student or as teacher and friend and all of that.

918

00:51:37,711 --> 00:51:38,011

Yeah.

919

00:51:38,251 --> 00:51:38,611

Priscilla: Yeah.

920

00:51:38,821 --> 00:51:39,451

Thank you.

921

00:51:39,551 --> 00:51:40,211

Thank you so much.

922

00:51:40,276 --> 00:51:50,441

It, it means a lot and I don't know, I think, well, we, we

don't have to go down this path necessarily, but the cra call

me crazy or call me determined or whatever you wanna call me.

923

00:51:50,478 --> 00:51:53,748

Like the wild thing about it is like I look back in it and I'm like, I'll do it again.

924

00:51:54,083 --> 00:52:05,588

Like, I, like I, there's the grief is not so strong, or the

disappointment is not so strong, or the intensity of it all is not so like

overwhelming that I would be like, oh, I, I would never do that again.

925

00:52:05,588 --> 00:52:07,298

Or, or I would just.

926

00:52:07,643 --> 00:52:10,733

Go straight to a surgery, you know, because for, for many reasons.

927

00:52:10,933 --> 00:52:12,673

And it, and it was so amazing.

928

00:52:12,673 --> 00:52:20,353

And that was one of the things I was so looking forward to, like getting to

experience what my body was like designed to do, was such a huge motivator for me.

929

00:52:20,353 --> 00:52:23,543

And it was, and it was such a gift and something I was so grateful for.

930

00:52:23,573 --> 00:52:27,843

'cause I know it is not something that everyone has the, the ability to do.

931

00:52:27,843 --> 00:52:29,643

And, and so to be able to.

932

00:52:30,513 --> 00:52:35,493

Experience labor, and in all of its, in, in all of its uniqueness, right?

933

00:52:35,493 --> 00:52:37,233

Because it's all so different for everyone.

934

00:52:37,233 --> 00:52:38,883

So kind of relative in many ways.

935

00:52:39,723 --> 00:52:40,413

And still land.

936

00:52:40,413 --> 00:52:45,148

Where I landed, I was still like, you know, it, it, it wasn't so bad that I wouldn't Yeah.

937

00:52:45,148 --> 00:52:46,683

Wouldn't try it again, you know?

938

00:52:46,688 --> 00:52:47,043

Yeah, yeah.

939

00:52:47,043 --> 00:52:48,573

So, yeah.

940

00:52:48,683 --> 00:52:50,273

But yeah, it was so, so awesome.

941

00:52:50,333 --> 00:52:54,683

Thank you again for, for giving me the chance to share my story and I just hope Yeah.

942

00:52:54,683 --> 00:53:03,253

For other women who are out there, maybe in that, kind of similar state of being

quite a bit overdue, pastor due date, like that they can find encouragement.

943

00:53:03,583 --> 00:53:05,653

And also just find encouragement from these stories.

944

00:53:05,653 --> 00:53:05,863

Right.

945

00:53:05,863 --> 00:53:11,933

Like I said, like that's so much of what I leaned into,

during my, my pregnancy and, still, I think still now.

946

00:53:11,938 --> 00:53:13,463

I, I love hearing people's stories.

947

00:53:13,463 --> 00:53:16,403

There's just something about it that's so, so beautiful and awe inspiring.

948

00:53:17,063 --> 00:53:17,243

Lo: Yeah.

949

00:53:17,423 --> 00:53:18,263

Well, thank you.

950

00:53:18,323 --> 00:53:20,723

That's a perfect, actually segue into this last little question.

951

00:53:21,083 --> 00:53:28,673

If people wanted to ask you a question about your story, is there

somewhere they could email you or an Instagram or a social profile that

952

00:53:28,793 --> 00:53:29,183

Priscilla: Yeah.

953

00:53:29,243 --> 00:53:29,453

Lo: Yeah.

954

00:53:29,453 --> 00:53:30,158

You're willing to share?

955

00:53:31,163 --> 00:53:31,823

Priscilla: Yeah, I love that.

956

00:53:31,863 --> 00:53:34,353

For sure they could probably the best way would just be on Instagram.

957

00:53:34,443 --> 00:53:38,313

That's where I'm a millennial, so that's kind of the only platform I'm active on.

958

00:53:38,703 --> 00:53:41,113

Which is just my first and last name, Priscilla Nerling.

959

00:53:41,313 --> 00:53:41,523

Okay.

960

00:53:41,523 --> 00:53:42,723

They can shoot me a message there.

961

00:53:43,353 --> 00:53:44,763

Lo: We will share that in the show notes.

962

00:53:44,763 --> 00:53:46,623

And then you mentioned like a couple resources.

963

00:53:46,623 --> 00:53:48,303

I know you were a student in my class.

964

00:53:48,633 --> 00:53:51,423

Anything specific you wanna call out or a book you loved as well?

965

00:53:51,423 --> 00:53:53,313

I think you said the Hypnobirthing app.

966

00:53:53,613 --> 00:53:54,273

Anything else?

967

00:53:54,513 --> 00:53:56,163

Priscilla: Yeah, I like the Hypnobirthing app.

968

00:53:56,523 --> 00:53:59,943

And then I think, I think there was a book I read called Calm Birth.

969

00:54:00,363 --> 00:54:00,393

Okay.

970

00:54:00,393 --> 00:54:01,803

That I, that I quit liked.

971

00:54:01,863 --> 00:54:06,273

And then there's another podcast I'll shout out

to you, which is the Hip hypnobirthing podcast.

972

00:54:06,273 --> 00:54:06,363

Mm-hmm.

973

00:54:06,363 --> 00:54:11,983

Which is like a lot of, stories, just a lot of like birth

stories, which was really encouraging for me as well.

974

00:54:12,493 --> 00:54:13,063

Lo: Okay, perfect.

975

00:54:14,113 --> 00:54:14,683

Priscilla: We can drop too, know this podcast too.

976

00:54:14,683 --> 00:54:15,043

Of course.

977

00:54:15,463 --> 00:54:16,003

People are listening.

978

00:54:16,003 --> 00:54:16,783

Hopefully they're described.

979

00:54:17,533 --> 00:54:24,973

But yeah, huge fan, and, and your page, it's just like huge, like your

Instagram and, and your website and everything, like your courses.

980

00:54:24,973 --> 00:54:29,023

It's all so, so valuable and I love the, the voice that you are in this space.

981

00:54:29,503 --> 00:54:30,103

Lo: Thanks, friend.

982

00:54:30,163 --> 00:54:31,093

Okay, last question.

983

00:54:31,663 --> 00:54:33,133

What's one thing in your life?

984

00:54:33,133 --> 00:54:37,933

It could be big, small, anything that's just

sparking joy, just bringing you a ton of Yeah.

985

00:54:37,933 --> 00:54:38,743

Happiness right now.

986

00:54:39,523 --> 00:54:49,123

Priscilla: Yeah, I mean this is gonna be like cliche or not surprising, but I would

say like my daughters, both my daughters in the different stages that they're at.

987

00:54:49,513 --> 00:54:55,553

You know, I've got this almost 2-year-old, she turns two next week, and

then this eight week olds who's like exiting the newborn phase and mm-hmm.

988

00:54:56,263 --> 00:55:01,423

The contrast and the differences between their stages, just like amplifies and highlights.

989

00:55:01,423 --> 00:55:03,578

What's beautiful about both my 2-year-old is just.

990

00:55:04,393 --> 00:55:05,563

Chatting nonstop.

991

00:55:05,563 --> 00:55:06,613

And she's hilarious.

992

00:55:06,613 --> 00:55:09,763

And she's got such a sense of humor and everything she says is adorable.

993

00:55:10,273 --> 00:55:17,983

And then my eight week old is like in that really like fun, smiley,

like kind of has a bit of conversation back and forth with you.

994

00:55:17,983 --> 00:55:18,103

Yeah.

995

00:55:18,573 --> 00:55:22,653

And like her personality is starting to like, you know, she's no longer just kind of.

996

00:55:23,208 --> 00:55:24,138

Potato, newborn.

997

00:55:24,348 --> 00:55:24,528

Yeah.

998

00:55:25,428 --> 00:55:25,848

Vibe.

999

00:55:25,848 --> 00:55:29,538

She's becoming like more and more of like who she is as a person.

1000

00:55:29,538 --> 00:55:29,598

Yeah.

1001

00:55:29,988 --> 00:55:39,276

And yeah, the contrast between the two is just, is so

beautiful and I have to like lean into those things in the hard

moments when they're both crying and I don't know what to do.

1002

00:55:39,336 --> 00:55:39,576

You know?

1003

00:55:39,726 --> 00:55:39,876

Yeah.

1004

00:55:39,876 --> 00:55:41,376

Because that's also so real.

1005

00:55:41,781 --> 00:55:42,051

Lo: Yep.

1006

00:55:42,201 --> 00:55:42,471

Yep.

1007

00:55:42,531 --> 00:55:44,868

Well, sounds like you're doing great.

1008

00:55:44,868 --> 00:55:48,588

I know that means a lot of things with 202 'cause that's a whole, that's a whole thing.

1009

00:55:48,588 --> 00:55:53,898

I live that too, and And it sounds really sweet

in the midst of what I know is chaos and hard too.

1010

00:55:53,928 --> 00:55:54,198

Yeah.

1011

00:55:54,528 --> 00:55:54,708

Yeah.

1012

00:55:54,708 --> 00:55:55,728

Thank you for being here.

1013

00:55:55,728 --> 00:55:57,078

Thank you for sharing your story.

1014

00:55:57,078 --> 00:55:58,968

I am so proud of you all.

1015

00:55:58,968 --> 00:56:00,138

I'll just say it one last time.

1016

00:56:00,168 --> 00:56:00,948

Thanks, Priscilla.

1017

00:56:01,638 --> 00:56:02,313

Priscilla: Yeah, my pleasure.

1018

00:56:07,384 --> 00:56:10,294

Speaker 4: Thank you so much for listening to the Lo and Behold podcast.

1019

00:56:10,624 --> 00:56:15,754

I hope there was something for you in today's episode

that made you think, made you laugh or made you feel seen.

1020

00:56:16,324 --> 00:56:23,674

For show notes and links to the resources, freebies, or discount codes

mentioned in this episode, please head over to lo and behold podcast.com.

1021

00:56:24,244 --> 00:56:30,484

If you aren't following along yet, make sure to tap, subscribe,

or follow in your podcast app so we can keep hanging out together.

1022

00:56:31,264 --> 00:56:34,624

And if you haven't heard it yet today, you're doing a really good job.

1023

00:56:35,194 --> 00:56:42,724

A little reminder for you before you go, opinions shared by guests of this show are

their own, and do not always reflect those of myself and the Labor Mama platform.

1024

00:56:43,084 --> 00:56:50,104

Additionally, the information you hear on this podcast or that you

receive via any linked resources should not be considered medical advice.

1025

00:56:50,434 --> 00:56:53,164

Please see our full disclaimer at the link in your show notes.