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Hello and welcome to today's episode with me, Sal. Now fear is a big one. My gosh, it comes up all the time. It comes up for me. It comes up in my coaching practice and fear. You know it. I know it. It's a human condition. and fear can be a big problem if it's keeping you stuck or keep you from getting the things. And I want to speak about fear because there's a lot of, let's say perhaps ideas that if we just overcome fear or if we didn't have fear, we could. do good things, we could be successful, we could be happy, fulfilled and so on and so on. And I find this a dangerous assumption because it assumes that fear is a problem. And it isn't. It can cause problems, but fear is a response. Let's be clear on that. It's a biological neurological response of the human system. And of course, all living creatures have it too. So those of you who listen to my podcast regularly, you'll know, if you're new. I love to figure stuff out. I like to know things. Now we can't know everything, but the more we understand something, the less ambiguity, the more we can be with it, understand it and make it our own. So my intention for this episode is to help you make an understanding of fear really. rather than trying to get rid of it, rather than trying to, be courageous or whatever you believe might be. Now I want to take you back to a little episode when fear, and I mean, literally got me by the everything. had the fortune, I was away skiing and I was in Canada, a place called Lake Louise. If you've ever had the fortune of going there, it's an exquisite place, and I was fairly new to skiing. I haven't skied that much. I learned as an adult, I'm not that well, I'm just about okay. I can do most things and been a couple of times to different resorts. So there I was, on, I think it was about second day or third day. And the person I was with, they didn't want to do another run. So I was on my own. I'm like, yeah, this is great. So there I am. I go on the ski lift. And if you've ever been skiing, you know, that lift, the clank of the metal, the glint of the snow, it's, just wonderful. And of course, then the delightful awkwardness of your skis, if you're not that proficient of getting on a ski lift. The mountains in Canada are big and what I would say about the mountains in Canada, they certainly made me feel an utterly insignificant being because these things are so big. and I'd only skied in Europe before that. and these are big mountains. So there I was I'd already been intimidated to this to some degree in my first runs But I was going up for this one more run and of course, I built some confidence I've been doing some runs and some skiing. I was starting to get that evidence in the system that I'm doing Okay, so on the ski lift we're going up and the snow is exquisite It's just like being washed in brightness and the air is Ice clear. It's like you're drinking just purity. It's magic. And I'm going up and I'm thinking, Oh, I seem to be the only one on here. this is kind of unusual, but okay. I'm good. I'm skiing. I'm cool. I've got this and then going up and I'm passing the pine trees and the flurries of snow around and we're getting higher and higher and the sound of the metal kind of clinking in the wind a little bit as we go up. And then we keep going up. Now, what I haven't told you, dear listener, is that I have a massive fear of heights, which I probably should have just reminded myself before even endeavouring this last run, which I hadn't done. I had a bit on this lift. I was like, yeah, yeah, it'll be fine It'll It wasn't fine at all. It was a, it was terrifying. And I'm going up on this ski lift and it starts to dawn on me just how things are going on. My peripheral vision is seeing the vastness and it gets worse. We're going over a big crevasse and it's a long way down and the ski lift grinds to a halt. And I'm like, oh, and I'm swinging, literally swaying, swinging in the wind and it's not fun. And the cold now feels really, really cold. The wind feels like it's trying to push me off and within a few moments my mind is going into, you know, a freefall. What am I going to do? How am I going to get off it? I'm trapped and those cascade of thoughts. I could feel my heart pulsing and that was so cold as well. I felt I was getting colder. There wasn't heat, it was like a coldness and colder and colder and I could feel as my mouth was drying and the wind feels like it's picking up And of course, it just feels like I'm there for such a long time. I'm looking down and I'm starting to panic. I'm starting to really, really panic about what am I going to do? Do I have to jump off this thing? I'll die. And I'm going on and on in my mind. And what I found was there were two particular things that changed. Everything in this, what was about to be a free fall, terrible situation. And if you've ever had vertigo, I don't know what it is about heights, but there's this weird feeling like you just want to jump. I don't know what that's about, I'm not a specialist in it, but, you know, the feeling like, I'm just going to jump off this thing. I think it's probably to escape the feeling, but there I was. like, okay, do this. So the first thing I did was I brought my focus. Rather than all of the information of what was a beautiful scene became this intimidation of Doom. I brought my focus to my hands and my gloves. I was staring at my gloves. I was looking at my gloves. I brought my focus so small into something which is connected to me and that I could control. And I'm looking at my gloves. I'm gently moving my fingers and I'm looking at this tiny little space. I've made this visual bubble protection. So I've let the whole terrifying scene or what would appear to be terrifying, just disappear out of my vision. And I got my vision on something I can control and it's micro small. And it's mine. And then I started to control my breathing. I'm breathing in nice and slowly. I'm breathing out slowly. I'm juddering as I do this cause I'm cold, but I'm breathing in, I'm breathing out and I'm just going into this trance like state. Focus on your gloves, focus on the breath, focus on your gloves, focus on the breath and I was on the edge of, you know, an absolute panic attack of doom. It's just gonna be horrible, but I managed to curtail it and bring it back. And then after a period of time, of course, something happened. I think whatever had happened with the skele if it clicked back into action and something that jarring feeling and you're swaying and moving forward and the sound of movement, the sound of clunking metal was just like an orchestra of saviors coming in as I'm going back up on earth. God! I'm gonna survive! It's gonna be amazing! And I got to the top of the ski lift and I remember I unfolded my legs and they were really creaky and got my feet on the ground and just got back in my body and I stopped at the top of that run and and I beat it on the new one. I was smart enough to know don't go do anything until you like steady. And then you can ski and try and relax and bring yourself down. That experience just showed me whatever, however cool you are with your breath work or your mental focus or psychology, whatever it is. Something can come and get you. Fear can come up because if you feel you are at a, Tangible threat. Fear can kick in. It's designed to save us. It's designed for that. But of course most fears in our lives are smaller, less tangible. They're about looking a certain way. What would happen if something goes wrong? What if someone doesn't like us? Etc, etc. You know it. We all know this. And the thing around fear, if it is allowed to be what I call like an emotional wall, or emotional ceiling. It keeps you stuck. And of course you just get away from it. It's a bit like sort of touching an electric fence. If you've ever done that, like, ow, I'm going to get away from that. What we need to do with fear is to understand and respect its presence. It is a safety system. It's, you know, hardwired in the system. It's been here for millennia. It's in the system. It's a system to keep us safe. It's a system to keep us alive. But what we want to do is to keep it at the right regulation. So we want to make sure that you have some strategies and tools. And my go to with this is If you are in fear, this is what I invite you to do. Find the smallest thing you can focus on that you can control. Find that smallest thing, one step, one action, one thought, whatever that is, find something you can control. Like the story on the ski lift. I could simply look at my gloves rather than the scene, which is causing me all the fear. And that piece of control gives you a sense of, you know, our sense of autonomy is coming back. So. Step by step, and it doesn't matter how small those steps are. You make them and you take them. Small steps equals movement and Biologically, we want to steady the system. If you breathe into your nose to the lower belly and you breathe out slower than you breathe in, you will start to down regulate what is called the sympathetic nervous system, which is that amped up fight flight response, and you'll start to bring it down maybe not that much, but enough to be steady enough to get you out of what we call the lizard brain, that fight, flight area, and you're much more into your prefrontal cortex so you can rationalize and say, okay, what can I do with this thing right now? So if you've got a situation in your life, you keep bumping up against and it's fear keep coming up, I invite you to just take those two things alone. Look at the smallest thing you can control, yeah, whatever is the smallest thing you can control, what smallest step you can take and it might be like there's 28 small steps, great, take the first one and then the second and just keep going, whatever those small steps are and to regulate your emotions in your body, control the breath, so breath control is absolutely fundamental, breathing through the nose, the lower belly, Breathe out slower than you're breathing. And what that will do is start to get different systems online and offline. So the sympathetic nervous systems, we've said is going to go down. The parasympathetic is going to lift up. You're going to be feeling a little safer, a little more in control. And I've said this before, but turning fear into focus can be really powerful. Like what do I need to do here? If we can use the energy of fear and make it focus onto steps, we normally move out of That problem experience or that problem area. So if you are experiencing fear in a certain domain of your life There's a couple of strategies you can deploy when it comes up as someone who's been brought up on a lot of fear and anxiety for the majority of my life until more recent times, I know how miserable it can be and how blocking it can be. So do use the strategies if this is a thing that's coming up for you, whether it's a public talk, talking to the boss, talking to a colleague, partner, you know, standing up doing something, whatever it is. When that fear comes up, notice those two strategies, the tiny small steps I can control. and my breath, I also can control. And if you align those, I almost guarantee that you will move through that fear state and get something happening far better than you've done already. If you get a result, do let me know. If you have questions, please reach out. You can reach me on the socials where you may have picked up the episode details and of course on the different platforms and you can reach out to me on my pod page and I hope you can turn your fear into focus. Until the next time, take care.

Thank you so much for listening. If you enjoyed the episode, please subscribe. And if a friend would benefit from hearing this, do send it on to them as well. If you would like to get in touch yourself, then you can go to my website. Which is Sal Jeffries dot com, spelt S A L J E F F E R I E S. Sal Jeffries dot com. Hit the get in touch link and there you can send me a direct message. If you'd like to go one step further and learn whether coaching can help you overcome a challenge or a block in your life, then do reach out and I offer a call where we can discuss how this may be able to help you. Until the next time, take care.