This is a global player original podcast.

Veerkaming.

This is the Restless Natives podcast with the clown and the Wolfman, a completely unscripted version of it.

Because in all honesty, I haven't written anything today.

So off the top, honesty is the best policy.

Sometimes you've just got to own it.

So, right, without any script in front of me, here is the free wheeling introduction for Martin Compston.

We are joined today by the waistcoat wearing TV detective Turbo Banana himself, Mr.

Malteserise, the one and only Vegas Grinochian.

It is Mr.

Martin Compston.

Hello, Martin.

He never says your thing is the what?

The fragrant pouting.

The gorgeous, fragrant pouting mini sky.

That's your go to thing.

I've never told you this before, but I nicked that right off a brilliant guy called Phil Todd from Paisley.

He was a fucking great guy, Toddy.

And Toddy, he wouldn't mind me saying, enjoy the drink, and used to come and sleep in my office at the newspaper to get out of trouble.

And he used to write, he used to do fantasy football every week, you know, dream team.

And I won it one year and I think, I think I want.

It was a decent amount of dough, like, I want about 800 quid.

And I said, you know what, Toddy, right, let's put it behind the bar.

And I ended up getting a bottle for 400 quid from the pub.

They're like, yeah, they drank another 400 quid, they said it.

The fucking cheeky bastards have put 800 quid behind the bar.

But Toddy was a great lad, used to come and he was an ex para, a sub editor and hard as fucking nails.

And Toddy used to write a report every week on who'd done well and who'd done badly and all the rest of it and it was fucking dynamite.

And I never forget, I'm saying, and for the female players in the league this week, the gorgeous, pouting, fragrant, mini skirted such and such is top of the league, blah, blah, blah, blah.

So it's Toddy, it's part or thief Martin is what I'm telling you, but I'd like to say it's a nod to him.

And yeah, and I'm the Wolfman Gordon Smart here.

What?

A few weeks in the space time continuum into the new year, we've said happy New Year, weirdly, but it's the first time I've seen you since a.

Couple things that bubbles up was wild, brilliant, like, because it's such an iconic character and I'm actually Glad I wasn't there to bet because this happened to me on Still Game.

I was such a fan of Still Game, right?

And then.

And I was.

And they'd asked me to do a couple of times.

I said, look, guys, no, because I don't want to see the magic.

I don't want to see because it's one Trailer Park Boys and Still Games, sort of like in Friends is that kind of thing like I put on at night or when I'm in sick bed or something like that.

So you.

And I remember sitting in a, in a trailer before shooting and seeing Greg and Ford and you're seeing old Jack, old Victor puffing on a vape and I went, oh, it's, you know, it's gone a bit.

So I'm just so to see, to see Bubbles there, I think, I think it'd been too much for me.

But something I wanted to ask you about, it was because just the, the time we start at 5 o'clock in the morning for me, right?

And you do that.

I've started, I've started at like 4, but by the time I get the car and go through the makeup, get breakfast, run through, fucking costume thing that you've got time to wake up.

But I was like fucking setting the alarm there for like quarter to five because I went, I need to get some kept.

And then coming on cbu, Damon at the radio.

Oh, mate, it's fucking hard to switch on and go, right, you know, wait, get, get engaged right now, today.

The alarm went off at five to four and the car picked me up at 10 past four.

So I got up, got in a shower, got out the shower, got in a car and then I did a pre record on the fires with an amazing guy, like an American firefighter.

And he was on it.

I mean, fair play from taking the time to talk to us, but in my brain I'm like, I really want to still be in bed.

And you've got.

It's amazing how adrenaline switches you on.

You know, like Johnny Vaughan calls it Dr.

Showbiz, doesn't he?

But it's tough, mate, it's tough.

And also those little things that are words on the tip of your tongue when you're wide awake that just immediately fall out your mouth.

See, when you're tired, they're not there.

And it happens to me on the radio in the morning quite a lot when I'm like, oh, what's the word I'm looking for?

Like the other day I wanted to say extrapolate and I couldn't find extrapolate in my brain.

And about 1:00 in the afternoon, I'm like, fuck's sake.

It was extrapolate.

That's the word.

So it does drive you mad.

You're not meant to be that switched on at that time.

You need time to fucking wake up.

Because I was genuinely first 15 minutes, I was like, I'm still trying to get my head together here.

To be fair.

You are brilliant in the morning.

You're really, really good in the morning.

You're good at getting out your scratcher, you're good at getting out your bed.

It's not.

I work best after midnight if I've been up all day, not in the morning.

Life's the same fucking.

There's your joke.

Fucking walked, right?

I can't believe she does all work.

She works all.

Like.

She's in this office, like drawing, like she does the.

The concepts of parties and that.

So she does all the 3D drawing and all that stuff.

But she does it because she worked in nightclubs as well.

But she works at night all the time.

See, when I get to a certain time, I just want to be out on it or in my bed.

It's a fair point.

It's funny.

Was that Danny Baker used to say it as well.

Don't let the light in on the magic.

Right.

And that point you just made is genius about seeing.

Was it Ford or Greg?

It was on the vape.

And suddenly that in your head, they're not those characters anymore.

Yeah.

And I've had that a few times with the job where you turn up on set to interview somebody and you see them in a different light and they're no longer that person that you've held in such.

He's gone.

It's mad.

It's good to preserve it, isn't it?

But he stayed in character all the way through because we can talk about it now.

He's not here.

His real name is Mike Smith and.

It was two of those glasses.

For anybody who hasn't seen Trailer Park Boys, the so.

But these.

It's about a trailer park which.

Which is a rough sort of.

In North America.

It's where sort of like people who can't afford houses and stuff all kind of live, you know, and it's.

It's.

It's.

It's kind of iconic.

They got you.

Everybody knows that.

They can call them trailer park trash kind of hanging all that.

But his character is this we kind of guy with the.

His jaw jutting out, who talks in this mad way with These massive milk bottle glasses, just the most ridiculous gear.

Who looks after cats, fixes shopping trolleys and runs a boot and a go kart, this thing.

And it's just that, like, I and I.

I'd met him and Charlie and I'm obsessed with that character in terms of.

Just because he's so.

Actually, as he says it, the world's just a shitty place at time.

And then that thingy.

But he's just.

You just want to give him a hug because he always tries to see the best in people.

But when I bumped into them, I bumped into Charlie at the airport and he.

And he says, hi, Martin, how you doing?

All that stuff.

And he went, oh, this is.

This is my mate Mike.

We're over here shooting a thing.

And I was like, he's shooting.

Can I.

Like, I feel like I know him or he's.

But I've knee.

I didn't.

He went, oh, yeah, he plays Bubbles and Trailer Park Boys.

And I had no.

Even just when he was sitting beside you, as soon as you took him glasses off and changed his voice, he.

Was another guy, different guy, totally different guy.

And it's frustrating because afterwards we're starting to have a conversation.

So he knows Charlie through the Paul McCartney thing and he's like, oh, we were backstage at the gigs at Christmas, because McCartney's just.

He always does it around Christmas, these amazing dates.

And when he's got a guest list, it was Kate Moss, George Clooney, Ronnie Wood.

And he said a great thing.

He said, they all asked me to take a picture of them and he said I forgot to ask to have one with them.

It's like that mad thing where you forget to ask to do it.

But the thing about being in character, like, I've heard this quite a lot in my career when I was doing the bizarre stuff, because the first time it happened was when Keith Lemmon or Lee Francis avid Marion.

And that was the first Christmas I worked in newspapers in London on the Bazaar column.

And he released do you remember proper Crimbo?

The Christmas Song.

And he came in and I'm speaking to him like Lee Francis.

And he wouldn't come out of character as avid Marion.

And then you just feel so weird because you're having a conversation with this, like this creation.

But to fair play to him, it made his.

The way he came across in all the film and looked brilliant and he'd put it in his documentary and agent Nick managed them, weirdly.

Got to.

It's mad.

You've got to commit to that kind of thing because it's even.

I just.

I'm start my next job and.

And then they throw in the.

The curveball, like, yeah, do you want to do this in an accent?

We're thinking of this because it's funny because to somebody they just think, oh, you're son of voice.

But that affects the whole way you double the work.

Right?

Yeah, it's.

It is double with the work, but it can be helpful.

But it is.

I mean, whatever accent, I do that.

And now I'll live in that.

Yeah.

While I'm filming.

So it's it.

And it does weirdly affect, I would say the way you walk, the way you look, the way you talk.

Just the.

The voice does change it.

So I think it's funny to somebody to just kind of throw in.

But I mean, as you saw it with Mike there when he was.

When you're doing bubbles, the physicality of it.

Yeah, he's just is.

It just informs.

So it can be.

It's a fucking massive commitment for.

I mean, it's a credit to him.

He's so different again when he's half.

That's true.

And those glasses having a prop are such a big help to him.

And he's only got one pair of those glasses.

I was like, you need to get them remade.

But again, like Sacha Baron Cohen, because I did the bizarre column six years.

So I had him as Borat, Bruno and the dictator, if you remember.

So when he came in as the dictator, he stayed in character for the whole thing and the office were loving it.

Right.

When he was doing that.

But then he started making jokes about Rupert Murdoch in his son office.

He said, you think I'm a dictator?

What about your boss?

And it was fucking brilliant.

But then we got on the lift afterwards and to take him downstairs and it was just me and him and one of his mates and he just started speaking to me normally.

So he's like, so, Gordon, what's happening then?

It's really hard to then just go back into it.

It's quite disconcerting.

But fair play to him, you know, if that's what he needs to do.

And a fair play to you for introducing me to it as well, because I started watching Trailer Park Boys because of you and I'm just getting into it now and I'm already.

I'm in.

I got into it from Tom Davis.

Yeah.

Did you.

Not see you?

How was.

How was your Christmas?

How was your New Year?

Once again, ended up being the supply teacher, didn't I?

So I worked loads Over Christmas, up to Christmas.

You came dressed as one today as well.

It.

You had your glasses on my bubbles.

I was like, nice of you to come dressed as bubbles today.

And I have come dressed as I.

I worked quite a bit on the radio and stuff, you know, just.

I've gone from being 10 jobs gogs to a few jobs gogs.

But I had a deadline for Men's Health with the guy that talking in riddles, I'm gonna David Beckham.

So I had to get that all done over Christmas, which was a bit of a weight on my shoulders.

But today's the first day I've heard word back saying, right, we're happy whatever end you've done and must be.

It's been maybe over a year of making it happen, organizing it, writing it.

It's the first ever international.

All covers of the magazine will be David Beckham.

So it's like a big deal to do it and I'm just glad that's.

And then I went down to Soho House in the Cotswolds for New Year, which was Matt Hancock was there.

I've never seen somebody just people randomly walking up and giving him abuse.

And like, the more I had to drink, I was like, I might have to go and say something to him because I think a lot of lives were affected by his mishandling of the COVID time, you know, so that was bit surreal.

Why the fuck is he.

It was him.

Who else was there?

Michael McIntyre was there.

Howard Donald from Take that was DJing.

And yeah, I went down and also, mate, I drove down in an electric car.

I've got this Genesis car, right.

And I drove down and tested it to see how far I could do.

And mate, it was minus three, minus four.

The weather was grim and like an electric car and those temperatures really.

So it took me 11 hours to get there and that was a bit of a test, mate.

So I challenged myself to get down, did that, came back and then that's me right back in it now.

I've been doing breakfast and five Live and More, Men's Health and all that, so.

And then it's good to catch up and do the podcast and see.

It was good to see Charlie Lightning as well, mate.

It was, yeah, yeah, that was grand.

But what about you?

Did you have a good New Year?

Really quiet.

Say Tiana was in a holiday just because, I mean, the only time I can, like, I can guarantee that I'm off all year is between Christmas and New Year.

Yeah.

So she.

She went away with it for her pals 40th.

So I'd.

I'd heard Godson and the Wee Fella.

So I was.

It was full on.

It was good.

It was good cracking.

Because I'm on the road a lot this year.

So it was good to get time with it.

But so very quiet.

No, I never had to drink the whole time.

It's first time Christmas Day and New Year.

I didn't make the Bells because we went to Disneyland the.

On the morning of the 1st.

I tell you what, mate, you picked.

This up, right, from last year, right?

Because you went.

You had the disaster at this.

It was that last Christmas.

I, I Exactly.

That was last Christmas.

That was last Christmas where we couldn't eat.

We turned up, we bought tickets.

But we didn't know you had to reserve your days.

And that's the busiest part is completely sold out for, for that entire period.

So they just literally says off you pop.

So we had to rebook it for next year.

But we got down there and it was better.

So we actually changed hotels this time to stay on site which was such a.

Such an ease.

But mate, I didn't know there was so many kids in the world.

There's millions of them.

You're a unicef.

Honestly, mate, Everywhere and but.

And they're all after tits on cotton candy.

They're all wild, man.

It was, it was, it was a mad.

It's like being with you at the Groucho.

But it was.

It's a surreal play.

And it's so.

Because it's Christmas, it's packed and you've got this thing.

There was actually a guy Fairplay and kind of brought it back because you've got two parks there.

You've got Disneyland and you've got California Adventure and they're right across the street for each other.

So you can pop across.

You got this thing called the Lightning Pass.

Right.

Which means.

Because the queues, queues for every decent ride.

Like was like an hour long wait.

And I'm like, you're not going there and just standing in queues all day.

Especially with a five year old.

No.

And but the Lightning Pass was supposed to be.

You could only book one ride at a time on this Lightning Pass.

Yeah.

And so we got there at like 9am the first day.

We said.

I said, I want to try that.

What was it?

The Matterhorn.

And it went first book in 9:00pm 9:00pm not joking.

9:00pm so you couldn't, you could only go on.

So this thing and you can only book one hang at a time.

Yeah.

So you could either book that and wait till 9pm and that's your day.

Go on.

Yeah.

Or just kind of bob a boot and then end up waiting in queues.

But we what kind of did save it was.

So we got on a lot, a lot of the other videos.

It was a brilliant time.

But there's this.

The wee man's cars.

Daft.

Yeah.

Like the McQueen and all that kind of thing.

Yeah, yeah.

And we got.

So we went to Cars Landing.

That was great.

And there's like proper.

It's mad.

There's like real life size light McQueen's and it's driving a boot like with nobody hanging them.

It's bizarre.

And the best ride at the both of them is, is the new cars ride.

And that was phenomenal.

But even with that, you had to buy a separate ticket to go on that.

It's so popular.

That doesn't even come with your Disneyland tickets.

It's a racket, isn't it?

It's a proper racket, mate.

Yeah.

And I was like, so we did Disneyland the first day, we're doing California Adventure the next day.

And I went to tea, I said, look, we'll do Disneyland that day.

And I said, we'll go into California Adventure at the end of the night, I'll go buy a ticket there for the next day, whatever time that may be at the end of the night.

And we walked up because the wee man was getting knackered by that point.

And I said to the guy, I said, look, mate, what's the deal with us?

Can we get these Lightning passes?

Where can we buy tickets and what time for the Mora?

And he says, it just a threes.

And I went, I said, oh, can't you go?

The new front.

Yes.

And that wee bit of kindness.

Magic, Magic.

Honestly, mate, just what a difference.

He says, just can.

The queue was still massive.

And he went, yeah.

He says, look, you paid for them Lightning passes, mate.

On you go.

Just walk, walk through.

And that ride was phenomenal.

And it like, it made his entire trip.

And it was just like that tiny wee bit of kindness for that guy.

Just brought me right back to the class, isn't it?

It's amazing in 2017, I think it was.

So the year after I left the paper, I promised Kate that I would do Florida properly.

Right.

Because she loved it when she was a kid.

Like big Google Mehen used to take them away in the summer for three weeks and they'd get a villa and go all the parks and stuff.

And we went, 2017, it's the same Thing, right?

You buy.

What's it called?

A magic band.

And we stayed in the Disney Hotel and all that.

It's probably the most expensive holiday we've ever been on as a family.

And it's the angriest and grumpiest I have ever been.

To the point where Kate, we came back and she's like, I'm never, ever going away with you again.

But it pissed me off because it's like you say, have you got a fast pass ticket for this?

I remember Jimmy same as you.

So Laurie would have been the same age as the wee man, right?

So that would have been, what, eight years ago?

Yeah, exactly the same age.

And she wanted to go to Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique, right?

And Jimmy wanted to go and be a Jedi.

And I remember you got to go to Jedi school and it was the first thing on the first day you could get into the park.

And I remember the stampede of people running to be at the front of the queue for the Jedi, the Jedi training school.

I thought, this is horrible.

And it was on the other side of the park.

But then, to be fair, Jimmy got there and it was one of the best things I've ever seen.

A wee boy with his lightsaber fighting Darth Maul and Darth Vader and all that.

And it sounded amazing.

And then you think, stop being a miserable bastard.

It's not about you, is it?

And that's the point you're at in your life, where it's not about you.

It's not your holiday.

It's not that.

It's just.

You just think.

It's the cues, man.

It's like.

I was looking at some people.

It's wild, isn't it?

You wait, there's some of the lines was like, tours a pop.

And I'm like, so you're just going to stand there for tours and the rides last like a minute and a half.

It's a daft question.

Was it hot?

It was actually, yeah.

At first it was roasting because there was a pool or hotel.

And that was his favorite thing, like all this.

He'd go to the park and he said, can we just go swimming?

And that was his.

So it was.

It was good.

So that was, say, sober.

Because I've got to get really it back in because I've got such a.

I'm filming a documentary here in Vegas in a couple weeks and then I start this new job and the fear has kicked in, man.

Just because you're like.

But that says before but feared.

I've Said you can use it well, like it keeps you on your toes.

Because I'm like, right now you need to get your arson gear because it was one.

Actually, I don't know if I should say this.

I think if we take it, there's a lot of action in this next job.

And I'm working with our, with our pal Kieran Hawks and I'm running about with a gun quite a lot and there's a specific gun and we've got an unwritten.

Like, I, I don't, I don't like guns.

But you've got to see in America and you can't have the conversation.

This is their culture.

Right.

They believe it's their, it's the, it's the right.

And it's your first date with Tiana's mom.

Yeah.

And that's kind of where I'm getting to this.

So there's Tiana's mum because I'm away quite a lot.

She, she practically lives with us, you know, I mean like she's got her own room at the house.

And so I don't like, I don't like guns.

And I mean she's an ex cop and you know, and they kind of believe in it and protect your home and all that kind of thing.

So I think it's like an unspoken thing.

Like there may be a gun in this house, but I don't want to know where it is or because.

But it's all this kind of hang.

Like it's a fourth Amendment, isn't it?

Said safes.

Yeah.

And it's these fingerprint ones.

Like only hard gut, only she could make it work.

And I was like, said I was like, I've got this training.

I've got like, I've got this job coming up.

I said, what's it like to use a, to use like the gun, do the train.

She says, what type of gun is it?

I went, a Glock.

And she went, wait there.

And she come back with this bag like John Wick shit.

There was some heavy equipment.

That's always my argument with people that have guns in America.

It's like, okay, I understand that you have the fourth amendment or whatever it is.

Every, every person has a right to defend their home and property.

But why do you need an assault rifle?

And then that's what I'll never understand.

Yeah, I mean she never had that.

So it's all police issued guns.

But it's like the mags and stuff.

But yeah, that's the, the thing.

I'll, I will never.

I Mean, look, we in Vegas know all too well with that hotel shooting, I mean if that guy only had handguns, 70 people wouldn't have been killed.

You know, if you're, he's, he's spraying military grade weapons.

I'm the same with you.

Not like I, that's where my argument shifted from where I used to say you shouldn't have guns, but that's part of their culture.

My argument would be, no, why do you need.

I went doing it in my neighbors flowerney.

So they said this guy had a bazooka.

Jesus man, I said that.

I've told you, didn't I?

The guy had an argument with her.

Should never have got into it, but I'd had quite a bit of whiskey and it was an NYPD cop and he said to me he had an assault rifle.

And I went, why'd you need that?

And he said hunting.

And I laughed.

And one of the firemen I was with was like don't.

What are you doing?

And I went, you must be shy at hunting if you need an assault rifle.

And I could hear everybody go quiet.

And the guy was looking at me like it was a start of a fight.

You don't get, you don't get into it with them.

Like they go, they go mental.

Like I, I, I've, it's a subject I, I stepped away.

So you're going to be an action playing an action role.

Brilliant.

Be bobbing and weaving.

Can I mention the bit of DIY you've been doing with Tiana?

Whoa, hell man.

Can I mention it?

Martin's built a sex swing in the garage.

Hey, it could double as that.

Could I?

So you've got the right I, I, like she asked me like you get into that agent but you're just like, you still get lovely surprises but Woody aren't actually one.

And I've got a wee gym and like I had a wee sort of throw together gym in the garage.

I said you know what?

I'd like a proper kit.

Yeah.

And she didn't mess around.

No, this thing is like, it's a proper gym grade, like all the kind of hang up but it took a bit.

I mean it would be enough to keep you fat.

Assembling thing took three days and a couple of times like I gave up.

I was like, I kind of, I kind of keep building this thing.

There's ropes, there's pulleys, there's bolts, there's, there was everything but it's not together.

It's a serious bite.

Is there enough room beside the trike for it to fit in.

Oh mate, I think I'm going out on the trike next month.

I'm going out on a trike next month.

So American now again.

I hate, I hate we know we do this.

I hate speaking in riddles but all be announced soon.

But the documentary I'm there in Vegas is going to be a lot of fun.

I think it's just basically me running about Vegas doing whatever I want a day which is concept sounds amazing but that'll be.

I think that'll be something today.

But yeah it's just going to be a.

It's a wild start to year which is nice to kind of be home and this is running about with the wee fella and getting good timing because it's gonna be a busy old start.

But exciting, really exciting.

And then you've got the fear coming out as well.

Right mate.

That's the kind of.

It's not far off like I'm really.

It's a far.

It's this stuff I've been thinking about quite a lot with this job because the rigs are at the minute and it's smashing it which I'm delighted again with the response for the fans has been amazing.

But it's a weird thing to be in where stuff that you do, how it's a success is judged very differently.

Like the reggae is all about the numbers because it's big, it's out there and stuff.

And you know I wouldn't.

I want to say the names in case of the certain publications but you know those, you know, even before you date you're going to get hammered by certain.

By certain papers and stuff and critics or whatever.

But with that it's all about the fan reaction.

That's all that matters.

And fear is all about the critic reaction.

Yeah.

But it's mad when you go how.

How different things are deemed a success.

Yeah.

So we're rig.

I think we're off to a good start.

Yeah it's again it's such a.

Such a tough world to.

To keep because there's so much that everything now you said we've said this before like our industry struggle at the minute so to get anything commissioned is really tough.

So to get something commissioned to a third series as a high high bar.

It's.

It's off to a great start but it's quite nerve wracking like just going is it still.

Because you've got to keep trying keep.

Is people still talking about it?

Is it still going but with fear like I hope as many people say see it as possible, but it's mainly just about how it goes down critically.

Yeah, it's.

It's a strange thing to hang right, how's this?

Like, Rick can be seen all over the world or by.

Maybe by 100 times as many people see fear, but fear could be.

Yeah, gathered critically is better.

Was it.

Michael Caine said that, didn't he?

I love that quote.

For every Get Carter, There's a Jaws 4.

No, but.

No, no, don't.

Because I.

I heard this.

Because I heard this.

Colin Farrell said this the other day and I think it was a brilliant quote.

He says this idea actor saying, I do one for them, one for me.

I don't like that either.

Like, it's.

It's like you should be grateful for each job sort of thing, you know, and you commit to every.

To everyone you're in.

Like.

Especially something that rigs the most.

I think he meant it was more about.

I think he meant it was more about money for him, though.

He was like.

If you're doing it.

If you're doing it for the money, you're.

Yeah, you're sort of.

Then doing it for.

Not for the.

The wrong reasons, I'm saying.

But even if you're going like that, you've still got to commit because somebody's.

At the end of the day, somebody's written it, of course, somebody's taking the time to film it.

There's crew working on it.

I've never know, like, if I'm on something, you're on it.

And I, I'm.

I mean, look, well, we've all had a pop strippers versus werewolves over the years and believe me, that one wasn't done for the money.

You're speaking to the guy got cut from Lesbian Vampire Killers.

But yeah, I think it's my.

I've never been huge talking down stuff that you've been part of.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, totally, because I.

Because you could say, like, yeah, I had to do Jaws Force.

But then some of the.

Probably the guy who was fucking directed Jaws fors probably that was the highlight.

His life was Michael Caine.

It's a mad thing, isn't it?

Because on the radio in the last however many weeks, the amount of times we've been talking about Gavin and Stacy and all that and, you know, honestly, mate, I know it was a tiny wee thing I got to do in it and it was 2009 and I remember, like going and spending a couple of days in Cardiff with James when they were shooting that stuff.

It was magic to see it.

But it's like that Line of Duty thing that Gavin and Stacey has, where it's so beloved by the people of the country that even the smallest thing becomes a huge story.

And I put some of the pictures up from the nightclub from that little thing I did, and it went mental.

But then we got the girl on who.

I don't want to do spoilers in the podcast, but she bumped into James and Ruth in the Soho Hotel when they were right in the Christmas special.

And she'd never told anybody that that had happened until she came on the radio and she told the story on the radio.

And because it was a Gavin and St, that little clip of her talking on the radio has been listened to, I think 3 million times now and shared, because everybody's obsessed with every tiny little intricacy of it.

And it's like, I noticed that every time you do promo, every time you have to talk about anything you're doing, it's like, you know, it's like an artist being asked about their most famous song.

Every interview for you now starts with, so, come on then, Martin, when's it gonna happen?

With Line of Judy, which usually.

How do you feel about it?

Because I was gonna ask you about us.

Because it's usually the last question and I can feel.

Yeah.

And sometimes it is prefaced with, martin, I've got to ask, because what's that like, being on that side of it when you know you've got a.

The worst one for me is Johnny Marr, right?

Because, you know, every other band pretty much has got back together, despite how much they hated each other.

And, you know, everybody listening's thinking, has he spoken to Morrissey recently?

And they hate each other, like, beyond the worst hatred.

But you feel obliged just because there's the off chance it'll happen.

And it is annoying as well, because, you know, there's loads of.

There's not one person involved.

You've got producers saying, the social media manager now, all the other people saying, oh, you've got to ask, you've got to ask.

And then if you don't do it, it's like, why didn't you ask him about that?

And you're like, because he's been asked a fucking million times and it's the same answer.

I could record your answer to what you're gonna say on Line of Duty now.

And I'm kind of.

It actually winds me up watching you being asked by people now, well, you know what?

But this sounds like a stock answer because I Said, but it's genuine to me.

See, when people stop asking about it, that'll be a sad day.

I try him.

See, this happened to me when it was younger and it was sweet 16.

I feel like it was a real monkey on my back.

And I was like, will people stop talking to me about, like, I'm more than this and all that?

Can I.

But we're line of duty again.

It's happened at an age of me, like, I'm just, yeah, proud of the thing and, like, yeah, I'm glad people want us back.

I've got a lot of regrets about not asking the right question, actually, because when no went solo, he had a press conference at the Electric Cinema in Notting Hill.

And his publisher said, do us a favor, if I gave you the microphone first in the press conference, would you ask him a gentle question just to get him warmed up?

And I remember thinking, no, I want to ask him a question, though.

Fuck.

Get a proper answer.

And the question I really wanted to ask was, so you gonna tell us all what happened backstage in Paris with Liam then?

And I didn't.

And I didn't.

And he texted me afterwards and said, what the fuck was that shit question all about at the beginning?

You missed your fucking chance there.

And I said, I was trying to do you a fucking turn.

And Radio 1, in all fairness to the reporter from Newsbeat on Radio 1, they asked the question, that's all very well about your new solo album, Noel, but what we all want to know is what really happened between you and Liam when you split up and they had the fight in Paris?

And Noel gave the most comprehensive answer to the question because he thought, if I answer it in depth now, you can't come back and keep asking me about it because there's nothing else to find out.

And he told the story in full and didn't leave any little gaps.

So that killed it.

For every other interview he then did with every magazine, every newspaper, he's like, well, I've answered that question at the press conference.

Next question.

And I said, fuck's sake.

I should have asked.

But it bothered me for years because I should have just taken a chance at the beginning and said, right, bro, you've got a new album out.

No, but do you think you'll ever speak to your brother again?

But then it's the obvious thing, isn't it?

Everyone wants to know about Liam and O'Neill.

Imagine being there, going back on.

On the promo trail and how those interviews are going to go when they start talking about it.

Because that's the next thing, isn't it?

Well, hey, you need to get them on here.

Fucking hell.

I know, I know.

I've not really seen him.

I exchange a lot of messages with them, like nonsense, back and forwards, but from what I gather, he just can't go.

Can't go anywhere.

Because if he does, van stop and say, this is my chance.

I need four tickets.

I missed out.

That must be fucking annoying.

You know, just being.

Well, I only need two.

It's your plus one.

Are you taking.

I might take you if you get me.

Okay.

I was going after the line.

Vicky McClure.

I cannot believe, by the way, because I see when she.

Because she was the.

Yeah, she did the voice of the.

The announcement.

Yeah, yeah.

And I was like, so.

And as soon as I heard that went well.

She's new for like a week, then.

Yeah, yeah.

I was like, you kept that one.

And she says, all I asked for was tickets.

And I was.

Is that like when you asked, when you had the.

You were the voice of the new Celtic manager who never was.

But you know what?

Jesus.

I.

I was clearing.

I was looking for my.

Through my podcast, on my notes, looking for, like, I'd written down some podcast things, and I still.

I still found that intro for that.

Like, that I'd written for the Celtic manager that never was.

And that voiceover still got it.

I was.

I wonder if I'll stick it one day.

Do you know, It'll be a really nice wee short.

The Celtic manager, he never was.

You know.

Do you know what?

I.

This is a weird thing.

I was thinking the other day, like, this is taking about a left turn.

I was thinking of writing a short film right about.

I think it was because I was at Disney.

We're staying at the Pixar Hotel.

We're staying at the Pixar Room.

It's a Pixar Plaza.

And I was thinking of writing this.

This story about this truck driver who's lost everything.

Like, he got sacked from his job after an accident.

His wife left him because he hit the booze.

He's lost his pension, and he caused this massive accident.

Like that on camera was clearly his fault, but it was.

But he's adamant that it was not his fault.

And then that, like, this, this happened.

It was one of them big oil tankers, and it kind of cut across all these cars.

Could have blew up, could have killed fucking hundreds of people.

And then I just want to cut to that little scene In Toy Story 2, I think it is where the coins are Walking across the road.

And that truck.

And that truck had to swerve to miss them.

And it was Toy Story's fault.

So it's Toy Story's fault.

But like, cut to this real guy going, like, I saw these cones walk, you bastards.

And nobody saw it, but this guy's life is completely falling apart.

Dark side of Toy Story.

Malicious evil man in your brain.

You never.

This guy going.

This guy going like, I'm just driving.

Does he.

We cones, they try to dodge.

I thought, like, what if this guy's life, like, then just, like, completely fell apart?

That Austin Powers premise, isn't it?

It's like every henchman, every evil henchman has a family.

Has a family.

Exactly.

The Death Star.

Nobody thinks of the henchman.

Was that Ed Isard routine, wasn't it?

The famous Eddie Hazard routine.

Working in the mate, that's so fucking good.

Nestar canteen.

Imagine that.

Brill.

What was it?

Darth Vader ordering a penny.

Yeah.

Right, so you're going to be over from February.

That's the gist of it.

I'm there, mate, I'm filming.

It's just going to be.

It's going.

I'm going to enjoy it.

So working with Kieran, like, me and Kieran.

I think Kieran's first film, Piggy and Yeah, yeah, might be working on some.

It's bizarre because he's on something.

We're working on something else together that we're trying to write together.

And then he was just talking about this.

This other job that he might be doing, the winner.

And I jokingly said, well, they've got to be apart from me.

And he went, yep, there's the offer should be coming in.

So it's mad again.

It's.

It's funny how that, that, that somehow it does work because you're living job to job.

And I was starting to get, ironically, the fear.

Yeah.

Because I just.

The last time I finished Fear in what, like May or something?

And I've done a couple of bits and balls, but then you start to go, actually, it's been six months since I've filmed.

Yeah.

And you start going, if I don't.

And notoriously, the.

The start of the year is quite quiet.

And I'm like, once you get into eight months, nine months, it starts to get a wee bit worrying.

So to get something at the start of the year and then other stuff.

And that's.

You'll know this as well.

For some.

Some reason.

Work does breed work, you know, people.

Then the stuff starts to come in.

So, yeah, it's going to be a wild.

The next two years could be mental.

But it's exciting.

It's funny you say that because when I was coming out of work this morning, it was at New Broadcasting House, Great Portland street, and I was in the studio for a wee bit once we finished and Adrian Childs was in after me, you know, and Adrian's got that brilliant West Midlands brogue, isn't he?

You know, that bromy accent.

And he said, hello, Gordon, how are you?

And I was like, I'm all right, Adrian, yeah, I'm all right, you know, just, just pissing in the wind, trying my best to get somewhere with this radio and telly business.

And he went, my agent says that, he says it says when it's good, it's good and when it's.

It's true.

And I was like, yeah, you're right.

And it's, it's funny, isn't it?

Like you have to.

I really, really would quite like to just come off all social media, right.

It just makes me unhappy.

But you need to be making a noise about what you're doing.

You have to shout about it.

And it's.

I'm always getting around because it's like, why don't you post more about what you've been doing and stuff?

And I'm like, I just, I don't know, it feels weird.

It feels kind of braggy in a way, you know, it's like, yeah, go and look on LinkedIn if that's what you want to do.

But no, I know everyone else is.

After self promotion, can I.

Because I figured it.

The photo shoot for the Times I did, yeah, this went down really well.

Charlie Cullen.

I've discovered a secret after.

After 20 years, not turning up hungover to works wonders.

Yeah, yeah, just that.

That's not just standing in that position.

You never stand and doing something you never do in closure.

You look, you look passable, you know what I mean?

You don't look like just some corpse that somebody stuck some makeup on and you're just pulling.

I think you're being harsh on yourself there because all the famous sort of rock and roll photo shoots were like the most famous Beatles one, wasn't it?

It was a help.

The Ringo was barely able to speak or stand and those are the most iconic pictures.

He's fucked.

But you know, I think, yeah, you're maybe at the stage of life in your career where you should start thinking about a two week lead up about getting yourself fit and healthy.

No two week, just not just the Night before.

Still in a couple of scoops the night before.

Then I was in bed by 12.

Just a couple of glasses of red wine.

Yeah, A couple of glasses of red to you through the night, that's all you need.

So it sounds like you've got a brilliant again, you know.

What is it?

Vidal.

Always talk about it.

Gore Vidal.

Every time a friend succeeds, a small part of you dies.

There's not many small parts.

A large part of you dies.

There's not many small parts left to die.

It's gonna be a.

What are you up to then?

Sorry?

You back on the telly?

Yeah, I've got more Morning Life in February.

I've done more reports for Morning Life, but again, it's like there's this great thing about the music industry, right?

In 2001, the most physical copies of music were sold ever, right?

So the most, and it was mainly something like 90 odd percent were CDs.

For the first time ever, more music was consumed this year than in 2001.

And that was streaming and physical sales.

So vinyl's up, physical sales are up and streaming's up.

But I remember, I can't remember which musician it was, but they said to me, if they had only released their first album before 1998, they'd all be living in castles based on the number of records that had been streamed and listened to.

And I feel like that now every time I read a story about somebody that does a similar job to me 25 years ago, they're living in Hampstead in a mansion.

And I.

You know, I think a lot of people just assume I've got a load of dough because I work on the telly and the radio now.

But you were Polonix.

I mean, you know, I'm a very successful supply teacher, but it's, it's.

But you're right, mate.

I had to say my.

I definitely.

When I started Monica the Glen, I remember Richard Briars and Tom Baker talking about how they basically lived off the royalties.

Yeah.

And we get.

I.

That was something.

I remember getting a graphic for Line of Duty through and it was iplayer streaming.

And I think the Olympics was the closest to us on 90 million views, I think.

I think Line of duty was on 140 million.

We don't get a penny for that.

Like, not a penny.

And I remember thinking back to them saying that they were like, if that stuff, they just lived off the royalties.

Royalties isn't your thing now.

You get.

You can.

You get bought out.

Like people used to say in terms of voiceovers like if they reused it, I remember did it.

I did an ad, a voiceover for.

Because I'd hate to.

I'd hate to impugn what was actually a very favorite product of mine, but it was the ad agency I was dealing with, so I wouldn't want to hang them.

But I did an ad.

It was a, it was a.

It was like a five year deal of like you get paid and then every year you use it.

We'll pay you again for your.

Yeah, for your voice.

And then got to year three and I went, ah, yeah, we don't want to pay you that anymore.

We, we're just going to offer you half.

And I went, well, you can't do that.

Like signed a deal.

Like it's.

That's the way we said, well, what we'll do is we'll just re record it with somebody who sounds like you.

So you can either take the half or you'll get nothing.

I remember like, there's nothing.

There was literally nothing you could.

What a great negotiation that one is, isn't it?

Yeah, it's brutal, isn't it?

But that's changed the way I listen to voiceovers because there's another very famous one.

Yes, another one, you mean where I.

Was like, I was like, it's not him.

I thought, it's not him, is it Sean Bean?

It's not Sean Bean, is it?

No, it's not.

For three, I was like, sean Bean's made a fucking fortune through this.

And somebody went, oh, that's not Sean Bean.

To be fair though, our pal Jimmy Nesbit did very well from bt, one of the greatest voiceover deals of all time.

And you know, we talk about your industry, but you know the voiceover game, right, not the gnome game, but the voiceover game.

I haven't done one for six months and that's the money I rely on to sort of, you know, give me a wee bit of spending money and don't mind them.

I don't mind admitting it.

Like when you do those reports for Morning Live.

I would probably earn more per hour working in the supermarket where I live, to be honest.

Genuinely, you know, when you work out, I mind.

You do.

You do live in Perth and Conross.

I mean.

I do, yes.

Waitrose pays a hefty fee, doesn't it?

I mean, obviously you're the voice of Waitrose now.

You're familiar with the economics of how the middle class operate now, Martin, with our packed lunch boxes and 4x4 vehicles and electric cars.

But isn't and Again, like, years and years ago, you'd have been paid handsomely for it.

There's a great story about that.

When I worked in.

When I first started on Fleet street, right, I worked with this madman, Sean Hoare, and there's another fellow, Rav Singh, and I'm standing outside hungover, and they were having a fag and the boss came up and she said, for fuck's sake, you three, between you, you get quarter of a million pounds a year and you're not even at your fucking desk.

Get to it.

And I was like, quarter of a million pounds between three of us.

I know how much I earn.

And I just looked at them and they were both, like, looking at their feet going, fuck, that's it.

The cash hit the bag.

He knows how much we earn.

And I was like, fuck, I better stick in at this newspaper game, because you'll get a few quid anyway.

The glory days are over.

When that comes into situations like, because there's a job I'm on and, like, people, a contract and stuff.

And it is.

And it's with that conversation is when you start neat, going, right, what you got?

What you got?

Because if we're all going to make it together.

And then you kind of.

Because you.

There's that we hanging.

You're like, I don't want to get.

Be.

Get.

You're like, I don't want to be getting less.

But you're like, but what if I'm getting mayor?

Yeah, yeah.

You're like, I don't want to then up my own deal.

I told you, I said about that in the podcast before Christmas, didn't I?

But bringing in the bells.

What was that?

Was that with Susie?

How did that go?

It was great.

Crack.

Susie's brilliant.

But they said.

I was like, oh, brilliant, we're doing that again this year.

That means I can rely on that bit of money.

And I got the email saying, look, you won't be paid as much as last year because Martin's not doing it.

I was like, fucking hell.

The Compston lift, you know, you're like the gdp fucking extra.10% on the old fee if you turn up.

Apology.

I was there for you, but I have to say, we know the situation.

My family was going through it at the end of last year.

I was.

I was.

I was at home in the mornings a lot and I did tune in a couple of times on Morning Live and it.

And it put a smile on my face.

Yeah, I'm decent at that.

It really hurts me.

Your begrudging Compliment like I'm fucking good at what I do.

So decent.

I said, it's like, you know, you.

Stick at it, son.

One day you might be all right at this.

Okay, I'll get there eventually.

Happy days.

Man, it's good to see you.

And it's not long until you're over.

Have you sorted your digs?

What I'm saying is, have you got a spare room in London?

Me?

I could, I could, I could have.

I've not been over.

Because I need to decide.

This is the thing.

You tell me people always go that they.

They want their own space now, but I.

I see when it's something like that.

I love hotel living.

Yeah, I bet you do.

We would always.

Big.

Well, Goose, you've got a.

No, but in terms of.

Because you can get a nice flat and all that.

But see, coming back, the room's clean, all that done.

You can go in the restaurant, you can get like a nice salad or something.

You don't.

Because if you come back nine, ten.

Or night, you're like, you're hammering me for being a middle class guy and you're living like Oliver Reed and Richard Harris.

Believe me, it won't be anywhere that nice.

But it's like, as long as it's got.

Because I say hardest things will.

Because when you're working like that, you need to be eating right and working it so there's nothing more.

See, if it's February and you finish filming and it's 8, 9 o'clock at night and you need to start cooking and get your gear on to go at the gym and go a walk.

So that's the thing with the hotel.

Like, if I can just nip downstairs, get the workout done, go to the restaurant, order some food, go to bed.

Happy days.

Yeah, yeah.

So you're not gonna have a spare room then for me to sleep in?

We'll see.

We'll see.

I might.

I might have a pilot bed under.

It, but I want to get to the point where I can be your lodger in London in some.

I need to lean into Kieran.

Say, look, look, I think you need me to keep an eye on Martin for a few months, just to make sure he stays.

That's what I'm going to try as well, on this one.

Because I've already told him, I said, like, whatever I'm saying, get me a central.

Kieran knows you well enough, right?

I know, right, Because Kieran stopped drinking.

After, like after his cancer and all that kind of stuff.

Because me, otherwise, me and Kieran Would be, yeah.

We dig each other on quite a lot, but everything he's been through, he packed a drinking.

So I think Kieran was the one that got me into crab as well.

Yeah.

So I think we're going to be training a lot.

Get ripped again.

Go for it.

Get right in amongst it.

God be well up for us.

Thank you again.

Again.

Sweeping Daddy daycare.

Listen, if I'm decent at my job, fuck you.

No, it'd be interesting when you come over because, yeah, I think we're at a different stage of the London adventure now, aren't we?

We are, we are for sure.

But also, it'd be good to get back.

So we've got a load of good guests lined up for Restless Natives.

Let's take it to the next level, baby.

Right, Martin, we should request some correspondence as well.

Hello.

At Restless Natives Podcast, it means the world when you get in touch and we've had some brilliant messages recently.

So, yeah, get in touch with some shenanigans and we'll share them in a bonus spot on a Friday.

But that's it for us, Martin.

I'd like to hear the worst holidays, like Disney.

I'd like to hear like, the maddest holidays people's had you saying that.

You saying Disney was the worst holiday.

No, it was great, but it was no worries.

But you're right, it was like two days.

Because I was like, when we got there, like, should we just stay a third day and then buy all of us even, even the wee fella by, he's like, let's go home.

I've bungled once.

I think I've told you before.

I got on the lift in Mallorca, just the next to all the buttons in the lift, it was the different cards for prostitutes tucked in.

And I thought, maybe this isn't the best place to bring the family for a family holiday.

And there was, I remember as well, we arrived at 11 o'clock in the morning.

It was.

It was a scrap in the reception of the hotel.

And by scrap, I mean people getting their teeth knocked out and chairs flying.

And I thought, oh, no.

And Kate, she looked at me in a way that meant, we've got 10 days of this.

What have you done?

And listen, that was a massive hustle.

That was the best phone call ever made.

Terrible name dropping.

But Jamie Redknapp was living in Majorca and I texted him and said, you don't know any good hotels that could save this situation.

And he got me in a brilliant place called the Lindner in Mallorca.

And Kate was like, fair play.

You've solved this problem.

You've solved this problem brilliantly.

Well done.

Walked, checked in, hotel.

It's lovely.

And we just got our gear on.

Everyone's gone out to the swimming pool.

I think Laurie was only tiny at the time.

We've walked to the pool and Abby Clancy's standing there in a white bikini, size six.

And Kate just looked at me and went, fuck's sake.

Hello.

God.

Every two minutes, she was looking to see where I was looking like, mate.

What sunglasses were made for.

Right, Martin.

All the very best.

Right?

All that remains for us to say.

Is it's K on the guy.

This is a global player original podcast.