[00:00:00] It's Pie in the sky possible. So pie in the sky is basically imagining all these pleasant things, but believing in their unattainable. That's what that pie in the sky thinking is. And they are attainable.

I'm just saying, I think what you define as victories and success will change. Just like when you were probably a teenager, you had one idea of relationships and success and then you hit your twenties and so on. But I think believing in pleasant things, imagining, you know, your greatest hopes and dreams.

And walking around always feeling like it's unattainable. Is that what you want? No. And they, but many of those things are attainable and the minute you start to build your habits in the right direction, this is the other joy that I think what you see now, Christy, is they start to multiply, they compound.

The more you add to [00:01:00] yourself, like you were saying, you know, the bigger things will come. But the best part is I'm not even waiting for the big thing. What is the big thing? I'm content where I'm at, so just be more gravy. I'm already in a good place. So, I think the good more will come cuz they do become contagious now along the way.

​

Welcome to Why She's Winning. I am your host, Christy Ruthford, and today I have the amazing, phenomenal lady in green bring it. Kaphesia Jones. So [00:02:00] right now, Kaisha began her career as a programmer and has been in the IT professional, or has been an IT professional in the healthcare industry for over 20 years.

She's acted in many roles over the course of her career and reinvents her management style to suit a company's core values. Hold on, we gonna switch for that and it'll make up the rest of it. Let me switch it over here. She ain't pumping herself up enough, so I got to gas up a little bit.

right now. She is a business Technology Services P M O Manager at Independence Blue Cross. She was a senior technical program and project manager for another company and a manager in information technology. She has her executive MBA from St. Joseph's University. She has her bachelor's degree from Syracuse.

She is the co-chair of the Women in Independent, so she's a member and also the [00:03:00] co-chair. She sits on the associate Advisory Board member for Girls Inc. And she's also proficient in sign Language. Welcome, Kaphesia.

Thank you.

We're just talking about that, right? Because here's the thing about women. We don't. And when I talked about it, I said, you know how to do silent when she said, that's old. And I'm like, but you can do it. So how is something that you've learned to do that 99% of the population can't do that never goes old. Never. So okay. So welcome, Kaphesia. So what was going on with you when you called me and was like, you know what?

I think I wanna do something different. What was going on with you at the time?

So what was going, so, it was right before the pandemic and I had a girlfriend who was on a journey of career [00:04:00] change. And her and I were all both always talking and chatting about what we wanna do independently as well as within corporate America, our goals.

So she took the leap, she left corporate America, she started her own business and she was following you, and I'm not at the point where I'm ready to open a business one day I will be. However, I was trying to just figure out, how do I continue to be excellent where I sit so that as opportunities come up, you know, I don't have this fear or this intimidation or I just I needed to step up and level up, as they say, or, show up big.

Be able to show up big, not small, and enhance my confidence because while I had it, I did have a level of confidence. It was not showing up with me in the workplace. So, I reached out to you, she recommended you. She said you were no nonsense. She's gonna tell you the truth. And that's what I [00:05:00] needed.

You know, I'm a nice person. I have the soft skills. I'm surrounded by people like me, but I was looking for someone to really be able to penetrate the wall, and get to the root of some of the things I needed to look at.

Okay. Alright, y'all like that? So we're gonna talk about that. Tell the truth. You got a couple actually clients clients and former clients. Once you in the VFI, you always envision find masterclass. But so they're gonna be over here, gas you up. So let's talk about telling the truth, right? And, you know, the thing about powerful women and women who are in charge.

We, at a certain point, people are unwilling to tell us the truth cause we ain't trying to hear it or they're afraid because they might get jumped out. So what was, I mean, every time I come on here, I play crazy on whether or not I said something that was pseudo offensive to the women when I was on the phone with them.

Do you remember what I [00:06:00] said to you in our conversation and made you say, you know what, she might be onto something.

Do I remember? Let me think about that. I think, I don't remember exactly. I would be lying if I said I remember exactly Christy. But it was your energy, your energy and your like right away.

You were confident, you're a boss, you know you're gonna be great. You're gonna achieve that goal. I used the term Pine and Scott, I was cracking up that you named this discussion pie in the sky because, I think for most of my life that idiom has always been how I looked at things.

And you right away helped me say, you should not be talking like that child. You should not be talking like that. Look at all these accomplishments based on what I shared with you. So that was what I remember, which kind of said, okay, I think she's the right one. I need to take a leap of faith on this.

Okay. You'll remember later because I know I say something. I was [00:07:00] talking to this lady the other day. She was like this, have you ever been on the phone with somebody? You really don't like them immediately? I was like this. Oh yeah, my clients really don't like me all the time.

That's all right. We're gonna set you free. So, you started with us before the pandemic. I can't remember. Was it January in 2020?

It was, no, it was so I started, I think we, I found out about you before the pandemic, but I think, remember I didn't start right away. I think I started right after pandemic.

So somewhere about April or May. I wanna say when we dug in, when I started attending meetings and, you know, everything.

Okay,

so, what was, you know, surprising to you about the work, right? Because you're awesome but you couldn't see it and that was the biggest gap is like you had this gap between who you were at work and how you see yourself.

So, what was the difference in what was going on there? [00:08:00]

What was the difference? What I found out, which is shocking, is was that, everything that was my barrier, or I saw as a wall of not being able to take the glasses off and see through, or see clearly had to do with what I thought about myself.

And it wasn't like, I would've told you then. I love myself, you know, I was proud of myself, but I had some internal doubts and like that subconscious is really real and I was not tapped in subconsciously to what my self-talk and the impacts of my self-talk on a daily basis and that's what I had to really correct.

And it took me a while to see that, to really embrace that, just walking in the kitchen, and you know, being busy with whatever you have going on in your life and at the same time thinking, oh, woe is me, or how's this gonna work out? And staying stuck and thinking through the [00:09:00] frustration is not how you solve the problem.

And that is all I did most of the time. You know, you're in the car trying to figure out the solution for something and I'm just in a place of discord and that just wasn't even the right path to be on, to get to peace.

One of the things that I love about, you know, NEVILLE GODDARD or talks about self-talk creates your reality. We have thousands and thousands and thousands of thoughts today, or a day, but a lot of us don't realize what we're saying to ourselves and then we wonder why we can't move forward because just moving through your day to day, we're completely oblivious and unconscious of the background tape that's playing.

There's a tape playing in the background, but then once we wanna step out and do something bigger, then there's another voice that gets louder that's talks you out of anything that you wanna do to play greater. And a lot of women are locked up. You know, I would say [00:10:00] people in general, cause it's men too, we're locked up in our heads with this conversation and we don't know that there is an actual conversation, and Ecker totally talked about when he was at his point of despair and he was gonna kill himself.

He said, I just can't take it anymore. And then he stopped and said, who is the I? If I'm the I, who is the person that just told me I can't take it anymore? And then he said, I'm not the voice in my head. Who am I then? The one who sees it, right? So here's the thing, what were some of the things, if you're willing to share, if you're not, you'd be like, Christy beat it.

I don't wanna talk about it. But what were some of the things that you were saying to yourself that once you heard yourself, and I think Celestine talked about this a couple weeks ago, once she heard herself, she was like, oh, this is the stuff that I'm saying to myself. This is why I'm stuck where I am, and now let me take action to now create a [00:11:00] new script for what I'm saying to myself?

One thing, it's gonna sound so simple, but I lied to you now, Christy, this was profound. One thing I kept saying to myself all the time, I gotta work harder, I gotta work harder, I gotta study more. I gotta prepare more. It's going to be hard. This is hard. Why is it so hard?

Oh, this is like, you know, I actually looked at things coming to you easy as oh, that was just a gift or that was just some major miracle. But I made everything so complex in my head before I even got started. And when I think about projects I participated in at work. This is where the pandemic was a blessing in my life because it forced me to slow down and it minimized the noise in my head.

I didn't have to, just, so fortunately, I was mostly listening to my own noise as opposed to the noise in the water cooler and the elevator. And they would reinforce those noises, [00:12:00] those voices, those messages always reinforced how hard it is to expand, grow in your career level up. It just, and changing that language and understanding of what success really is.

That was it for me. Like, there's these little nuggets that you delivered along the way. That I always thought you were gonna bring me this box, and this box was gonna have like these special puzzles and I was gonna undo the puzzles, these new gifts, but it was really just, oh my goodness, Kaphesia, move the box out the way to the left, move that box out to the right, and everything didn't have to be so hard and so complicated.

That's so good because I tell y'all all the time, like you have everything that you need. It's all within you. And we're looking for the big solution. We're looking for the big thing to come drop in our lap and then boom, by magic, [00:13:00] we're going to get this great life. When it's really like, no, let's tweak a little bit of what's in you over here.

Let's tweak a little bit over here. What's you know, and so then, the small things from within. Once they're tweaked, then you open up from within, you be like, oh. So it's nothing that I'm going to get from the outside. Everything is already within me. I just need to unlock it. So what are your thoughts on that?

Oh my goodness. That's it. You ha nothing. There's no job title. There's no amount of encouragement from friends and family. That was it. That was it. But that part is scary. Like I think I was always a little bit, I don't know if feedback is funny. I was okay with feedback from some individuals, not all individuals.

You know, you tell people your dreams, sometimes they reign on it, sometimes they celebrate it. So I had gotten into a real cynical place where less is more. I don't wanna hear any of it. Right? But once I was able to open up and [00:14:00] your process kind of forces that on an individual, especially if you wanna get results.

I agree with you. It was, I started to realize I'm in my own head. I'm in my own way. And I hate to even use those cliche phrases cuz we hear that so much. But yes, there was no amount of anything external that was going to make the change until I sat still long enough, quiet the noise. And really heard and paid attention to what my thoughts were, what my feelings were.

You know, what is my mood right now? What do I think? And honestly, this is where I think I took meditation to a whole nother level, that introduction of even meditation, you mentioned NEVILLE GODDARD or I had never paid attention to some of those old teachers of you know, the early 19 hundreds.

And before I actually would assumed, I would've assumed probably the worst about them. That's just my biases, but [00:15:00] the wisdom that they share, and it's so simple. It's not these complex puzzle pieces that, you know, is a part of the game of politics in corporate America. It starts within, and your own puzzle. And in order to even get there, I really, I had to silence the noise.

Alright, Kaphesia. I see you.

I mean, it became freedom. It really became freedom. It was hard to get there initially, but once it started to click and I started to invest in myself again, the pandemic, that timing helped. I wasn't in the car. I wasn't traveling and commuting, you know, I had a lot more time to think through some things.

So you said so much, when you talked about like some of the things that you say, you say, oh, I know this sounds cliche. No, we hear it all the time. We just don't believe that it's possible for us. [00:16:00] Like we hear that, you know, they had more millionaires be made in 2020, but a lot of people lost a lot of money, but it was the most millionaires, I think, in history in 2020.

So apparently there's something going on, which noise are you listening to? Are you listening to the people who losing, and justifying why they losing? Or are you gonna try to figure out how these people winning? And I saw an article yesterday that talked about, oh, you know, shareholders are making all these money while the workers aren't getting it.

How many times are we gonna talk about this? You know? Like this is the story that's been going on, and as y'all started to study the people from the early 19 hundreds, you see the same stuff was going on in 1910. The same stuff was going on in 1899. And the only thing that's gonna happen in these 2020 streets is are you going to do something to change, and be different?

I'm starting yell now. I ain't supposed to be doing that. [00:17:00] So, let's talk about you know, when you said I am in my own way, I just wanna dig on that just a little bit more. Because when I talked to women, and this is, you know, I didn't name this pie of sky because you was like Christy, you trying to sell me a pie, the sky dream, right?

And I was like, yes, exactly. Like you're the typically, I coin the phrase, all the titles have something to do with the conversation that I had with the women. You was like, I don't know.

Yeah, you were diet pill, you sounded like the diet pill that we all used to think existed somewhere somehow.

Talk about that, right? Because if I would've told you, yes, your boss is the problem. I'm going to teach you how to, like, some women want me to teach them how to make their boss see them differently, but they don't wanna see themselves differently. And I'm like, it's not them it's you. And [00:18:00] then they jump off my phone and go hire somebody to teach them how to do executive presence.

It's gonna, you know, cross your arms when you're in your in meeting. Make sure you raise your hand and speak for exactly three minutes. Get a egg timer. You know, I'm drinking my coffee, y'all, so I'm on one today. Get a egg timer, breathe for 60 seconds, and then go into the office and then say something to your boss, like, I wanna talk about the job.

So it's a two part question almost. I do definitely wanna talk about how you show up differently at work, but what was it that I was saying that made you be like, because women don't believe me, and I'm like, girl, you can be just as high and crazy and happy, as free as I am. And you were like, you trying to sell me pie in the sky.

I don't know that, like, what was the hesitancy to believe that it could happen for you?

The hesitancy, you know, I think as a woman of color, it really goes back to you're taught you have to [00:19:00] work harder, you have to be stronger, move faster, like you have to outshine, outperform all the time.

So, there's never neutral or the ability to, unless you have the right mentors and people in your life. And I, being an only child did not have a lot of people from a professional perspective in my life that could pour into me. I had a lot of mentors. I was learning as I went, but the hesitancy is just because it's what you've seen.

You've watched other women work so hard to the point of illness, or you've watched them be burnt out and yes, they were successful, but are they happy? So it always felt like there was some sort of a trade off. And I hope I remember, I'm answering your question specifically, but I think for me, that hesitancy changed when I had a conversation with you one day [00:20:00] about a situation at work and there was some contention with me and another colleague, and I was, I felt so right. I was so justified.

I knew I was right in my mind and anyone else I talked to agreed with me. I didn't talk to a lot of people, but you know, maybe my husband or friend, but I brought it to you who doesn't know any history, doesn't know anything, and you turned it on me.

And I'll never forget, you said you don't trust. You have no trust for anyone at your job, you believe right away that there's going to be some negative outcome because of this situation. Instead of looking at what the possibilities, and I was a little annoyed with you and I was taken back and I didn't quite.

It was like, Christy, you're not at work with me. Let me break it down to you. Let me give you some more details. Here's why this is not gonna go good, but you just emphasized you need to be trusting. You need to be vulnerable. You even used that word you need [00:21:00] to be vulnerable with, you know, in this dynamic you need to share.

And just believing the possibilities. And I remember leaving that conversation. I was in my car and I was like, what is wrong with her? She don't get it. It doesn't make sense, but something in me because nothing else had worked. And I'm a talk what till I'm blue in the face and still be in the same frustration.

I literally, I said, let me just try this. Let me just see what happens. And I did that. I had a conversation with this colleague. And I decided to trust, not have the same bin or bias. I just was going to be vulnerable, express myself, and see what happened. And in my mind, they're gonna step on me.

They're gonna use this against me. And I could not believe it, but it was almost like the water's part of Christy. The response from my colleague was nothing. I thought it would be. It was pretty. I mean, if anything, I think it actually allowed them to also feel free to be a little bit more vulnerable with me.

[00:22:00] And I think that was the beginning of me finally starting to do the readings and the homework because, or take it seriously, because I was so perplexed and then in my mind, even though I took the opportunity and I said, okay, I'm gonna trust in this dialogue and this conversation, I'm gonna believe in the possibilities, not focus on the past or whatever's in my head.

Even though with all that, after it was over, I was like, maybe that was just a flute that couldn't have just, you know, then how it been really about me and it's not something wrong with this person, but it was really about me, and honestly, I haven't had those type of contentions since there's been situations where other people may have been had frustrations and other people have whatever going on in their lives, but I now realize had nothing to do with me, their behavior had nothing to do with me and it didn't have to [00:23:00] impact how I show up.

I can still show up, be whole, and they don't take anything away from me. But there was a fear. There was this wall, this guard, like I have to be able to battle every day in some unique strategic way. But that's not effective.

Woo, Kaphesia coming in, dropping the nuggets. If y'all got one story, like one lesson from this right here.

That was it. Y'all can walk away with that nugget and chew on it. Fuck that. I do have to take a commercial break right quick. I was supposed to do this at the 15 minute mark. We working on it, but the story was so good. So let's do this right quick so we can get back in this thing. Whew. You can get this full interview because we gonna chop it off right here at TotalFulfillmentWithChristy.com.

The interview's gonna be up for three days. After that, you can join us in Total Fulfillment With Christy, get my courses, training materials. All of my interviews, I think we have about, we have about [00:24:00] 30 right now of the women and their transformation, and my signature course, how to use the Super Prime Method to Write an irresistable resume to get you a high paying job.

Now back to the regularly scheduled program. All right, so you said it so much. It was so good. And here's the thing. And when you start talking in the beginning, we're taught that as women, we have to fight. We're taught that as women, we have to struggle. Like that is a part of the narrative that we're caught in.

We're never gonna be treated right. We're gonna be disrespected. Nobody's going to treat us properly. We're always going to lose. We're not gonna make enough money. We're not gonna be paid what we're worth. We're not. We're not, we're not. And then I come over here, tell him about, no, you can work less and make more money.

He was like, I dunno. Right. You know, you can actually be [00:25:00] happier. I don't believe you. You be like, come on over here, let's look at you. You was like,

girl, and then I'm married, I have children. It's like, what you talking about? And they're forcing us to homeschool our children and keep a job.

And, you know, I have aging parents. What are you talking about, Christy the world is dumping on me, that was not the case.

But what's your difference in the perspective now? I wanna know how would you have managed these times? Had you been the former version of yourself? What was the difference in the way that you would've managed the chaos?

Because you came in at the beginning of when y'all got locked up in the house.

Right. That's a, you know, I would've probably one, I think depression was definitely knocking on my door. I you know, I wasn't, I would say like down or crying all the time, but my [00:26:00] moods, for some reason, I would've struggled with shaking my mood as much as you are, you know, exercise helps, I didn't want to, you know, I didn't have the motivation at that time to fit that into the day, right?

That just, even though it refreshes me, I didn't fit it in. I didn't, I saw it as a task that was external and not realizing it was internal to me. It was so many, I just had mixed messages on my priorities. I didn't see them clearly. I didn't realize that when you talk about loving yourself and putting yourself first, the analogy always used as the airplane.

You put it on your, if a crash happens, you put the mask on yourself before your child in life. Oh my goodness. That's so true. All of those little self loving tasks that take place. I wouldn't have done those things. So I would've been even more grouchy. I would've been even more [00:27:00] annoyed where I would've focused on all the things going wrong.

Yes, I would've probably saw some bright lights that I could, you know, celebrate here and there birthdays come along, holidays come along, but somehow I was missing the journey. And that was another thing a nugget you gave. In a lot of the homework, this eventually caught up with me was the journey being able to just be sitting right here, right now with you looking at your smile, and nothing has to happen.

You know, we can just enjoy this moment right here, be present, not in the future. Not in the past. But woo, that was another lesson. So I wouldn't have done that. I would've been, when is this gonna be over? Like a lot of people had responded, you know, why we have to wear these masks now here, there, oh my goodness, it's been a year.

I would've focused on so much negative then I would've been calling people with the same negativity, you know, breeding more negativity. It would've probably been bad, you know, it could've really impacted my [00:28:00] family. Whereas the opposite occurred for our household, you know, we were able to, I think, recharge together as a family, re rekindle some of those necessary bonds you should have with your children and your spouse.

So, we benefited from that time and I actually now am looking, I'm like, oh, those days are gone. So now consciously, have to remember the lessons learned so that while everything starts to shift and go in a different direction, not necessarily back to way it was, but at least now I know. Ooh, Kaphesha.

Yes. Stop and smell the roses in. You know, in this moment if your son asked you to go for a walk, like the other day, he just randomly wanted to do a picnic. My son is 12 years old. He is not six and he just randomly and it wasn't super warm outside, but that's the type of thing I would've looked at him, rolled my eyes and said, no, we are not doing a picnic.

I have to do this. I have to do that. But I looked at [00:29:00] him, I went upstairs. I said, let me think about it. And eventually we came downstairs. I asked for a compromise, but we ended up, we didn't do a picnic with the blanket out, but we did. We went out, we spent some time together. We ate together outside at the park, played some basketball together.

Those are things I would not have Appreciate it before.

Ooh, getting chills bumps, my chill bumps right here. Because that's what it's about. I mean, you know, I say all the timem, we're not, we want our money too, Kaphesia, let's be clear, right? It's not about the money, it's about this stuff.

It's about being present with yourself first. Right, and not being crazy cause we walking around crazy, connecting with other crazy people who continue to allow us to be crazy. And I'm gonna create a video after this is over, you gonna see all this? Oh, I gotta use this all this while I got it right.

But I see so many women on LinkedIn [00:30:00] now suffering out loud. And, you know, they're now admitting to, I got ptsd, TS D or the Supreme Court nominations triggered me, I'm depressed. I'm like, what you doing though, right? Because you're developing sympathizers for suffering. Where you gonna solve this stuff? Oh, I did the ugly cry in front of my team at work. For what?

Oh wow. Yes. For what? Yes.

I read I should be vulnerable. So I went and did the cry in front of my team. What? That was not the message. Let me back up. Okay, so tell us, and I remember, cuz you know, we had key milestones. I remember all y'alls journals, [00:31:00] right? Like, we have key milestones, and a couple of you walked the car across a couple of them.

I had to drag you across. I talked last week to one of my clients and I was like, you gonna walk on this wall? I'm gonna drag you through it. I dunno whatever one you choose, but I remember when you broke through and you got to that point of pure joy. Right? Which is now your normal because it's been about a year and a half.

And you were nervous cause you were looking around like. Like, I got it. I got the pie in the sky. Christy was right, not like for myself right? But now it made you nervous. Tell us about that. And we had to have a conversation on that.

Oh, we did. Yeah. Cause you wonder, is this real, is this going to stick? Am I, is it because I'm still meeting with her pretty regularly. What's going to happen when I'm not meeting with the group and how do I sustain myself, and, but I was, I was [00:32:00] very nervous about this just being our cocoon experience and what does it look like outside of this safe cocoon?

And I think that was part of the growth experience too, is like being able to stand on your own with the tools that you gave us. And that meant, that meant I had to go back sometimes, and replay a video, or I had to go back and reread a chapter, or I had to realize, you know what, let me get some time by myself in the morning at, let me get up earlier so I can, you know, do some meditation or let me choose to go to the gym at this time now.

Like I had to deliberately change how I function, change my habits, change my behavior so that, I could start to build this and sustain it without Christy tied to my cell phone, my text like, oh my gosh, what about this, what about that? And always needing that validation because see, there you [00:33:00] go again, if you're not careful, you're seeking that external instead of your internal.

And you would've been my now, my checker for validation. Is this the right choice to make? And I needed to become that for myself. So, I would say, I had to implement the habits differently in what worked for me. And that took some adjustments. You don't get it right, right away.

I didn't get it right, right away. Sometimes I would have little valleys of success and then, you know, Hills would show up and I would be confused, and then I had to learn, okay, restart. Let's do what we were doing before. Let's talk through myself through this. Let's journal, and if I do call a friend, if I choose to do that.

Let's focus on the possibilities, not the negative. So it was a lot of mental, some work I had to put in. I had to literally put in some conscious work to think differently.

Ooh, that's good. And I appreciate you sharing this because there's a lot of clients on the line right now. Some of the women are [00:34:00] still in the program and they just popped out and you're about two years on the other side of it. So this is what two years looks like, right? And it's, and you said something?

Yes.

You said thank you, Jesus.

I did, I did. I remembered it those early days and woo, it took a minute to click. So I encourage those that are currently, you know, your coaching in the coaching program to do the work.

And it looks different on everyone. Everybody's results will be their results, not your results. It's not, you know, it's not like you go shopping and we all wear the same shirt because we all finished the program. You are going to have your own results. Because remember, Christy, my results really started to occur in my family dynamic.

I didn't even see work changes right away I needed to work on some household stuff, which I didn't even think I needed to do. So it was interesting that [00:35:00] those are where my wins began, was in the household.

So I want you to share a little bit about like what's the difference between the before and after and the household, and how did the dynamics show up differently?

Because a lot of times women want their partner to be different so they can have peace or they want their kids to finally act like they got some sense, which is never gonna happen. And, you know what I'm saying? And then they can have peace not knowing that everybody is feeding off of the woman. And a lot of times, Kaphesia, I talked to women like you said, oh Chrisy, I don't know about you talking about this pie the sky.

I need to get this money. So, you know, I'm married with kids, I got aged parents, I got a job. I don't have time to take care of myself. When the nucleus of the household is run off of you. You are the battery that creates everything that's going on in the house. So what's different of, you know, because those were your wins, I was like, yeah, we talking about this job, but let's get in this house.

So, [00:36:00] what's been different you know, in your family dynamics?

Oh, goodness. So if you're married, you know that marriage takes intention and deliberate work. And I think while I was in a, what I would've described is happy marriage, satisfied marriage. You know, there was those bumps, those along the way where, you know, if you're not careful, you can create distancing your relationship.

You can just be annoyed all the time. You could be power struggling over different issues and then children just add and compound it. I would say, I used to rush. I was a rusher. Like I had to get to the, let's get to the win, let's get to the win. And I didn't wanna sit in what was uncomfortable and have to feel it, see it, smell it, taste it.

I didn't want any of that, right? I just, I needed to figure out, okay, how do I fix this next problem so that I can move to the next problem? I was in this weird space when it came to the household, and I say, I hate to say they were a [00:37:00] lower priority. I was always outside the house, like you said, looking for opportunities that would only again, start to grow my career into the, you know, what I thought was the ideal.

And I think one of the things that, one of another nuggets I took away from the program was about time management and even your money. Like how are you spending your money because what you think you want over here, may actually take you away from, you know, the nucleus, the family, the household. And while it's not a bad thing to want that thing and to want those aspirations, you really might miss the blessing over here because you're chasing what success is defined as by external standards.

And I think, when I started seeing harmony in my house and because I was different, I was showing up different, I wasn't, you know, firing off or reacting to things that didn't go as [00:38:00] planned or disagreements, you know, I had a whole different aura in how I showed up that it became infectious. Like my children had a different response when they were told to do something.

Sometimes I would even make sure I did it with them. My husband, same thing. It was a different conversation. It wasn't, well, we need to blah, blah, blah. We were talk through things. There was just like, at the extent that I told Christy, I told the group this one when we had our anniversary, this was one of my best moments.

We had an anniversary and I'm gonna try to make it real short, Christy. And we went out to dinner. We always do that. We were having a good time. He had bought me these roses and I was in such a great place. I said, I was like, oh, you brought me roses. I clipped the rose off. I put it in my hair. I went out to dinner with my husband.

They gave us a hard time when we show up, you know, the way they were seating us wasn't working [00:39:00] out and we were seeing other people go ahead of us. He was feeling some kind of way and during the course of seeing him get upset, I was still calm. I took the rose out my hair and I just gave it to him, smell the roses.

And I'll just never forget that. Cause I was like, who's this person? What am I doing. And it was, but it was so I could, like, he brightened up, he laughed at the moment and it just like, we created our own cocoon and I just remember feeling like, wow, I've really let some stuff go. I've really changed. And that was just a beautiful moment.

I just remember giving him the flower like, and had I not had the confidence or the freedom or the, I don't know sat in my truth to even break the flower off, to even be inspired to do those things, you know, that moment wouldn't have happened, which changed the entire dynamic and the night, and then it just continued to be moments like that.

Woo. I remember that. He was like, just smell the rose. He was like. [00:40:00]

What in the world?

Literally like, ok. Oh, I just have a great time. So, how long have you been married?

We will be married 15 years this fall.

Okay.

I know, right?

Because here's the thing, you know, I hear about marriage. I hear about it, right? I'm good.

But it's not easy. It's not Disney. It ain't fairytale, right? So marriages work, and at 15 years, 13, 12, you start to get stuck in this rut of action and reaction, action and reaction. And then that becomes a normal. And so once somebody inserts a new reaction, It kind of breaks the dynamic of the cycle that you get stuck in and you're like, okay, so they didn't react the same.

So then, after a while, the action changes [00:41:00] to where you can create harmony. And this is the thing, and this is why, you know, I appreciate, you know, Kaphesia was nervous. She was like, what you gonna ask me? I was like, it's gonna be great. You're gonna be, all of y'all are leaders, right? But I appreciate you sharing with what.

One, your journey, and being open to share because my goal with these interviews is not client acquisition. It's really I wanna create a new conversation with women to say your whole life can be different. Because I say it all the time. And we've produced enough unicorn, rotten, weirdly happy smile for no reason women for, you know, to say we've produced enough fruit to be able to now have the conversation where it's not just me saying, and I'm showing y'all the demonstration of what happens when you choose to get out of your way.

Y'all in the way. They not in the way it is you when you choose to get out of your [00:42:00] way and believe Confucius, which is the hardest thing. That you can be different. So what advice do you have for women who think that I'm married, I got kids, I got aged of parents, I got a job. I don't have time to make myself a priority and I don't even know what that means.

What advice do you have for them?

Okay. What advice? I would say take a deep breath. And the first thing to do is try to sit in a room just by yourself for a minute and have TV off. Maybe try two minutes. Literally try this for like two minutes. Set a timer and just sit there by yourself and just feel what it feels like to just be present, and I would literally say do that if you have all that going on.

Because the part of our issue is noise. Like for instance, this program helped me stop watching the news. I was a [00:43:00] huge, every morning faithfully turn on the news, watch all the different news reports that come out, not realizing that, that penetrated my mind. You know, it's like you're feeding, but you're feeding.

You're not eating food, but you're feeding your mind with all this information. Some of it is good, some of it is not so good, and it does change you. It does shape your day. It shapes your perspective. And the biggest thing you could do is sit yourself down alone in a room in silence. I'm so serious.

For me, this was huge and I'm a huge TV watcher cuz I was the only child I grew up watching TV was like my sibling, and every friend that I know will tell you that, you know, Kaphesia swears by her television, but I started turning the TV off. I literally started turning the TV off.

And I realized nothing bad was gonna happen if I didn't know all the details of where the shooting happened or the news reports. And I started [00:44:00] to feel I needed to start to get comfortable with being by myself in my head, in my head and hear what I'm thinking. And that's a scary thing cuz sometimes, you know, we don't wanna know what we thinking.

That's why we avoid journaling, we avoid, you know, certain things that refresh us because it's like, oh, what's gonna come out of that? But I think you have to get there. So just start, start trying to figure out how to get that quiet time. I'm not even telling you to meditate yet, I'm just saying you have to be able to sit for two minutes, put the timer on by yourself, nothing on, and just be, that's the beginning of change.

And hear yourself, who are you? Get to know that person again and that would be one piece of advice. And then the next part is once you figure that out, you have to be intentional because you don't get to take a bath. I heard someone say this in a speech. You don't get to take a bath once, right? And that's your bath for life, right?

Every day you have to get up and you have to get yourself cleaned, and you have to brush those teeth. You don't get to do it once [00:45:00] and then you're good. So it's the same concept. You have to be able to pour into yourself every day. You have to be able to figure out the habits that make you whole every day. That make you confident every day.

And it is not hard. It's not hard. We say that, but it's not hard. But it does take being deliberate and surrounding yourself around people that can help you get there, get supported, and those would be my two advice. I would have a lot, Christy, but I already know they're in good hands.

And it takes a minute. It's not something you should, I think, feel like should click automatically because then what are you learning? So if it feels uncomfortable, that's actually where you're supposed to be. You know, when it feels uncomfortable, that means something is turning.

All right. I got one more question. One, I do wanna say I'm so proud of you, cause I can see, cause I haven't seen you in, I've never met you in person. Right? We've had conversations, [00:46:00] but it's been two years. It doesn't feel like that long. It doesn't feel like that long. Right. It may feel longer to you cuz you you had to go the process.

you know, I'm so proud of your progress because you were skeptical and you were like, I don't know. And then you, you know, everybody has that point where you don't know if it's possible then whenever it does become possible, then you get nervous and you think you're gonna lose it. And I remember, you know, one of our talks.

When you were like, Christy, like everybody finding their purpose, I ain't finding my purpose. Like, you know, what's going on around here, and you didn't. And I'm like, hold up, hold up, hold up. You got all this magic happening in your house. And you're missing it. Talk about the purpose, right?

Like what businesses am I, I was worried about and aren't I supposed to start a business? Where's the business? And Yep.

But I can see, and I know the audience can clearly [00:47:00] see and hear you're present in the moment. That's undeniable. Like, you're in this moment, you have peace in this moment like that and that other stuff it comes and it's gonna hit you in the head. Right.

But you have so much peace that it's undeniable in this moment. So I appreciate you sharing that. So what advice do you have for women who like, you know what, I don't know, It's pie in the sky possible? Should I work with Christy and them over there in Vision Find International.

What advice do you have for them?

I would say break down that statement. It's pie in the sky possible. So pie in the sky is basically imagining all these pleasant things, but believing in their unattainable. That's what that pie in the sky thinking is. And they are attainable.

I'm just saying, I think what you define as [00:48:00] victories and success will change. Just like when you were probably a teenager, you had one idea of relationships and success and then you hit your twenties and so on. But I think believing in pleasant things, imagining, you know, your greatest hopes and dreams.

And walking around always feeling like it's unattainable. Is that what you want? No. And they, but many of those things are attainable and the minute you start to build your habits in the right direction, this is the other joy that I think what you see now, Christy is they start to multiply, they compound.

The more you add to yourself, like you were saying, you know, the bigger things will come. But the best part is I'm not even waiting for the big thing. What is the big thing? I'm content where I'm at, so, just be more gravy. I'm already in a good place. So, I think, the good more will come cuz they do become contagious now along the way.

I will be realistic. [00:49:00] You will have car accidents. And this is a metaphor, you know, in your life, like there will not literal car accidents, but there will be things unexpected that are not pleasant. But how you show up, how I react to those car accidents when they happen that I couldn't control is different than how I used to act.

And that's the freedom, that's the joy part. That's the ability to, if I say I believe in God, now, really believe in him and really, you know, demonstrate the faith. Cuz you used to tell us that too. Y'all believe in, you know, you say you believe in Jesus, but you ain't even using Jesus. And that was so true.

So, that would be my advice, I think you have to take the leap if you feel like some of these things that I've said resonate with you, then, I would highly recommend you going a distance to sign up, have a consultation with Christy. That's the other great thing, Christy, you were so willing to basically answer all my questions and it took me a while to feel [00:50:00] like, is this real?

But I got there and that's like, wow. I just feel like I've seen so much fruit as you said, but change from what I was a couple years ago to where I'm now especially after I left cuz I was a little nervous when I left. So I'm just grateful. I'm grateful and it's worth it. We are worth it.

Individuals, you have to pour into yourself. You have to bathe every day, . So you have to pour into yourself every day or eventually your mind is going to stink, just like your body would stink.

I know we gotta go. I wanna make this statement though. Cause you gotta a call. Don't hang up though.

No, that's fine. Thank you for having me.

Yeah, you said it and it was so good. You said I stopped looking for the big thing because what is the big thing, anyway? That's the key. We're always looking for something magnanimous to happen when [00:51:00] we're missing it in the small moments like you have it, it's there, it's right in your face and we're missing it looking for the next big thing.

That was so good. All right, Y'all again, you can get my free case study. I forget my commercial. This is so good.

You can go to ChangeNowWithChristy.com and get my free case study, or you can join us again over in TotalFulfillmentWithChristy.com. It's only $497. If you don't necessarily, if you're not ready to join our high level program, that's okay. You can join us over at Total Fulfillment with Christy.

All right, y'all. Hey, y'all have a great weekend. Take care. Happy Friday. God Bless.

Thank you for joining us. Be sure to subscribe to this podcast and leave us a review. If you love this episode, follow Christy on Instagram and LinkedIn, and don't forget to get her free gift by texting "changenow" all one word again, "changenow" to [00:52:00] 6 6 8 6 6. Until next time, go out and win bigger.