You're experiencing symptoms of depression, a lack of motivation,

inability to experience happiness, reduced life satisfaction, isolating yourself,

oversleeping, losing hope, and more.

In your quest to find out what the heck is going on, you learned about

the polyvagal theory and this thing called dorsal vagal shutdown and

things are starting to make sense.

So the next question is, how do I heal or how do I come out of shutdown?

I'll briefly cover what shutdown is and also how to come out of shutdown so you

can begin to live life with a little more self compassion and hopefully

some renewed energy starting today.

My name is Justin Sunseri.

I am a therapist, a coach, and the creator of the Polyvagal Trauma Relief System.

Welcome to Stuck Not Broken, where I teach you how to live with more calm,

confidence, and connection without the psychobabble or the woo woo.

This podcast is not therapy, nor is it intended to be a replacement for therapy.

My highest performing videos on YouTube are by far the ones on dorsal vagal

shutdown, even more than my interviews with polyvagal theory thought leaders.

So this tells me there are a lot of people in shutdown who really

want and are ready to learn more.

I already have a lot of info out there already, so I'm just

going to focus primarily on the recovery aspect of shutdown.

I'm going to break this down into four major steps, mostly focusing on the

first two with a brief intro to shutdown and an overall understanding of the

process of coming out of shutdown.

So this is a really deep dive and probably the deepest dive that I've

gotten into outside of my Polyvagal Trauma Relief System coursework.

The first thing to delve into is what the heck is a dorsal vagal shutdown.

So really quickly, dorsal vagal shutdown is a state of the autonomic

nervous system, along with safety and along with flight fight.

So basically, the body can be in a state of safety and connection,

can be mobile or can be immobile.

Shutdown is immobility.

In this state, the body is preparing for death.

It's conserving resources.

And it actually is increasing the chances of survival by mimicking a corpse.

If a predator comes along and sees what looks to be a corpse, it's probably more

likely to continue to mosey on by and to ignore it, or to use its own fight

energy to continue to chase down whatever it's already chasing after and ignore

the thing that is imitating a corpse.

Shutdown happens when safety has not worked.

So the safety state and attempting to Deal with some sort of

dangerous situation through social engagement that hasn't worked.

Running away has not worked or is not likely.

And fight has not worked or is not likely.

So the last resort is shutdown.

Freeze and shutdown are different.

They're both kind of options, but shutdown is different.

Shutdown is part of freeze.

I have that in other episodes.

We're not talking about that here.

But shutdown we'll focus on is basically the last resort.

Shutdown is disconnection.

The way to, to understand these things is that the safety

state is all about connection.

Flight fight is about mobility and shutdown is about

immobility and disconnection.

So if you're brand new to this polyvagal theory stuff, or if you need to deepen

your learning, I would really recommend going to episodes 101 through 109

of this podcast, Stuck Not Broken.

So that's the first piece is what the heck is shutdown?

The second piece of it is how do I come out of shutdown?

I'm going to talk about the overall conceptualization of the process.

This is going to give you a nice top down understanding.

Just something to frame our knowledge in.

Overall, to come out of a dorsal vagal shutdown, we have to allow

the shutdown mindfully, and then climb your polyvagal ladder.

Again, these are some terms that are specific to the theory.

Listen to episodes 101 through 109.

So you can get an idea of, or a much better idea of what the heck I'm talking

about when I say polyvagal ladder.

So that's the overall idea, or the overall process, is mindfully allowing shutdown

and then climbing the polyvagal ladder.

Like I said before, shutdown is about disconnection, so coming out

of shutdown requires reconnecting.

Reconnecting is the goal when coming out of shutdown.

That's reconnecting with yourself, reconnecting with your environment,

and maybe even reconnecting with others in your life that are safe.

In this overall understanding of coming out of shutdown, the other

piece that I think is really important is that we don't want to fight it.

Yeah, it's difficult.

It sucks.

Yes, you're right.

There is some pain there.

There's a reason you're in shutdown.

You probably feel very alone.

Probably very sad and depressed, isolated, maybe rejected, maybe abandoned, it

does all suck, I know, it is hard, being alone sucks, so, yes, but at the

same time, we don't want to fight it.

Regardless of all that, you do need to eventually come out of it at some point,

you do need to eventually, mindfully experience it, to come out of it, and

I'll talk about how that can look, Because right now it probably sounds like

way too much and you're probably right.

But there is, there are ways to do so.

There are ways to actually feel it, even though it's difficult, and come out of it.

One thing that can help is focusing on safety.

So if you just did nothing else, like maybe you didn't feel your shutdown,

maybe you just focused on being more and more in your safety state.

That can help.

But that lingering dominant shutdown flavor might still

remain, but maybe not as dominant.

It's probably still going to flavor your system, but I think the negative

impact of it will be a lot less so.

So if you just focused on building your safety state or being in your

safety state, then I think a lot of good can happen from just from that.

The other piece for the overall conceptualization of coming out

of shutdown is that mindfulness is extremely important because it allows

natural self regulation to unfold.

It gives permission for your body, your autonomic nervous system to

do that polyvagal ladder climbing.

Our bodies must self regulate.

Our bodies are always in a state of wanting to or striving

toward self regulation.

We are biological organisms that must reach homeostasis in order to utilize

our bodily resources optimally.

Mindfulness allows for that natural self regulation potential to unfold.

So, mindfulness means being anchored in safety and then allowing whatever

is happening inside of us to happen.

So, when it comes to mindfulness, we can't be doing things like

judging and blaming ourselves.

As much as possible, we want to reduce the cognitions that are in our brain.

Very hard to do so.

Very hard to do so, yes, but I do think there are many

things we can do to help out.

Like focusing on the present moment and focusing on the environment.

So we'll talk about those a little bit later on.

But for now, actually much later on.

But for now, just understand that in order to self regulate, we have

to first mindfully allow the process of self regulation to happen.

And that requires being in our safety state and then mindfully experiencing

what it's like to be in shutdown.

That allows the natural process of self regulation to open up, which is the

polyvagal ladder climbing and accessing more and more of your safety state.

Now I'll go into the four major, like big steps that I have for you in coming out of

or relieving your dorsal vagal shutdown.

The first step is actually three mini steps, but we'll

call them Step 1A, B, and C.

Step 1 is Validate, Normalize, and Give Permission.

So Step 1A is Validate.

I have an episode, by the way, on each of these pieces that

I'll link to in the description.

Give those a listen for more, a much more detailed look into what each of these is.

So Step 1A is to Validate your Emotions and also the Cognitions of Shutdown.

That means that you're simply acknowledging that they are

real without denying it.

You're acknowledging it just like if you were to share with a

friend about how you feel and they said, yeah, you do feel that way.

I hear that you feel that way or I see that you probably feel validated.

You feel recognized.

So that means admitting to yourself that, yeah, you do feel sad or

lost or disconnected or alone or rejected or whatever the feelings

that you have or emotions you have with that come from your shutdown.

So simply validate your emotions and the cognitions as well.

Before I mentioned judgments and blaming- validate that those are real.

You are doing that and it does come from your shutdown state.

Step 1B is to normalize the shutdown.

Normalizing is just recognizing that you exist in shutdown for a reason.

It's not random.

So rather than getting sucked into the story of your shutdown or how you

got here, We don't want to do that.

We don't want to go deep into it right now at all.

Instead, just reflect on your life in general and then ask yourself

this question, does it make sense that I live in a shutdown state?

And if yes, then congratulations, you have just normalized yourself.

Great job.

And the last piece of step one, step one C is to give your

shutdown permission to exist.

It's valid.

It's normal.

So let it be there.

And once it's there, then we can move on to step two.

At this point, if you cannot do the pieces of step one, I don't

think you're ready for step two.

I would not encourage you to go to the next step.

Instead, but I recommend you do is to focus on finding your safety state,

feeling it, and then connecting with your safety state, practicing being

in it as much as you possibly can.

My building safety anchors course can help as part of my

polyvagal trauma relief system.

It teaches you about safety, how to feel it, and also how to build it.

And as you gain more safety, what will happen is the step one stuff

might be more approachable for you.

The validation, the normalization and giving permission.

Like I said before, it is possible to feel more safety without

directly feeling the shutdown and getting relief from it directly.

A lot of good can be done that will have an impact on your daily

functioning or on your relationships, on your life satisfaction, just

by focusing on your safety state.

So let's say that you have a strong enough safety states or you have enough

curiosity and you are ready for step two.

And that's great.

So the next thing to do would be to find safety while you're

in shutdown to allow for both of these experiences to be present.

The idea here is to allow the shutdown to be present, but also

allow for safety in your system.

This tells your nervous system, your body, that it's okay to come out of shutdown.

At least in the short term, at least in this present moment,

it's okay to come out of shutdown.

It may not be super long term something we have to kind of like keep practicing

and building the capacity to do.

But at least in the short term, Being in safety tells your body, hey, it's

okay to come out of shutdown now.

We don't want it to be an overwhelming experience we want to come out of shutdown

a little bit at a time so the long process It is very normal and actually kind

of ideal because if you're overwhelmed while coming out of shutdown, it could

be, well, it's overwhelming and that might send you right back into shutdown

and really reinforce the shutdown

A big part of what helps with this, actually, I think a major part is to allow

for shutdown in the right environment.

And this - remember I said before, shut down or coming out of it.

It's about reconnecting.

So if you allow for shutdown in the right environment, that actually helps

you to connect with the environment.

There's an experience of connection that you can unfold

your, or allow to have happen.

The right kind of environment probably involves less stimulation.

I would say calm and quiet is generally better than loud.

As far as the environment goes, dim lighting I think is generally better

than bright lighting, especially fake, like fluorescent white bright lighting.

I think natural sunlight can definitely be helpful as well though.

People in shutdown tend to really gravitate toward rainy cloudy days.

They do well with those environments while they're in shutdown.

Less stimulation also might be at a beach on a cold ish day and one that's not like

super hot and unpleasant, but a day at the beach where it's mild even overcast people

seem to be gravitated toward that as well.

You may very well love to go to a beach when it's super bright and You know,

people around, there's lots of noise.

If you can do that and shut down, great, go ahead, I don't

know the right answer for you.

This is generally what I see with the people I work with in therapy, what

they're generally gravitated towards.

On top of the environment, the next thing to consider is who's there?

And it seems like generally people prefer solitude.

Solitude means being alone, but you're okay with it.

Isolation means you're alone, but it's, there's more of like a chaotic

or fearful kind of energy to it.

Like you're trying to get away from people.

Solitude means you're choosing to be alone and that you just sort

of prefer it and it feels right.

You're basically, grounded in your safety state and you're

alone and you're okay with it.

For people who are in shutdown, solitude or being alone seems to be preferable.

They seem to do well and for myself, shutdown's my home away from home.

I do better when I'm alone.

A lot of times.

I at least need some alone time every day it seems like.

People in shutdown seem to do fine with being alone or in solitude

and with less stimulation.

So that environment with lower stimulation in solitude seems to be generally

a good fit for people in shutdown.

Being alone on that beach where there's like no one around is generally seems

to be better than when it's crowded.

Being alone in a park versus when people are around seems to be better

generally, although people watching for someone to shut down can be helpful as

well, or hearing the laughter of kids on the playground or birds chirping.

All these can be safety cues for someone in shutdown as well.

So generally that kind of is the vibe, but for you again, notice what works

best for you, the right environment and whether or not you want people around.

On that note, co regulation from safe others, again this is that

connection, connecting with others.

Co regulation from safe others can be a really good piece of

coming out of shutdown as well.

Not through force, we don't want someone that's going to like be yelling in

your face saying, Hey, snap out of it.

That's overwhelming, that's going to send you right back into shutdown.

Really we want someone that's going to be there by you, there with you.

This might be a trusted loved one, but it could also be a

professional, like a therapist.

Maybe it's a community.

Maybe it's a club you're part of.

My Stucknaut Collective community might provide a sense of connection Although

it is a virtual thing Connection it could also come through a pet.

Maybe you have a pet in your home that you can connect with you can use

touch or petting Make eye contacts.

There's a sense of warmth there in connection

The other thing that can help out with coming out of shutdown

is using your senses in your environment that feels safer.

This is an opportunity to connect with the environment, but also

with yourself through your senses.

Focusing on the external environment can really help to calm down those

cognitions that I brought up before of like blame or judgment or pessimism.

So if you focus on the external environment, if you connect

with the external environment, it can help to calm those down.

That helps you to focus on the here and now, and hopefully not on the

judgments that we have in our heads.

And you can also do that, you can connect with the external

environment through your senses.

So what you want to do is notice the safety in the environment,

and then notice how that safety impacts you internally, if you can.

For people in shutdown is actually can be quite a challenge to look inward

and notice how things feel, because there's often a dissociative elements.

There's a significant disconnection from yourself from your body from how you

feel from the sensations within or even the emotions So if you can just notice

how you feel inside when you take in the environment through your senses.

For example, if you're with your pet, I don't want you just to like

exist with your pet in the same room.

Instead, be with them, but experience the warmth of their

body as they lay next to you.

Or the, the weight of their body as they lay across your lap maybe.

Or the texture of their fur as you pet them.

Like, immerse yourself in the sensory experience of being with your pet.

Don't just be with your pet.

If you have a candle in the room that you like, I want you

to mindfully experience it.

Like, inhale, breathe that in, and notice how it feels.

Notice the sensation of liking the smell of the candle.

In that space that you're in, even if you're in a really deep shutdown

and you're like stuck in one place, notice what, use your eyes, like

notice what's happening around you.

Look at the lights and the shadows that are illuminating your space.

Look at the highlights as they, you know, bounce off your surfaces.

As best you can, immerse yourself in the details of your environment, and

then ask yourself how you feel about them and notice a level of safety

that might be present within you.

And that might just be, do you like it or not?

If it's just that simple, that's fine.

That's a step forward.

So those are steps one and two.

Step one is that three step step, which is validate, normalize, and get permission.

Step two is to find safety while in shutdown and then

to allow for both of those.

That will allow you to be more mindful.

Step three is a much longer term goal or practice, which is working

on your vagal break strength.

The vagal break is the influence of your safety state on your heart.

It keeps it at a calmer pace.

For someone in shutdown, you already have a heartbeat at a pretty darn calm pace.

That's not really the issue.

But what it does do is that it allows for ladder climbing in the longer term,

because when you come out of your shutdown state, the first thing you're going to

feel is the activation of flight fight.

So if you continually practice being in your safety state, if you develop the

strength of that vagal break, then as you climb the ladder into your flight

fight state, you'll be more prepared to handle that returning energy.

Basically, practice being in safety, identify what brings you to safety, and

keep practicing it little by little.

If you skip this and just try to focus on the experience of shutdown, it likely

won't result in anything really positive.

If you skip this and you just try to feel shutdown and come out of it,

then the returning flight fight energy probably will be overwhelming and just

send you right back into shutdown.

And that's what we don't want.

As that energy comes up, you might turn to some sort of behavior to cope

or to self soothe like binge eating or even self harm maybe or something else.

Thoughts might come into your mind of, I knew that I would fail.

What's the point of all this?

Basically the idea here is the vagal break strength.

Don't underestimate it.

Please put the time into developing and strengthening your safety state.

Step four, build on the last one, which is prepare for sympathetic energy return.

As you come out of shutdown into flight fight, you're actually going

to feel fight first, probably.

That's typically how, what I see with my therapy clients and it makes sense

because as you go down the polyvagal ladder, you go from safety to flight

to fight and then shutdown coming out of it requires going into fight

first and then flight and then safety.

So irritation and anger often come along with coming out of shutdown and generally

it's a good sign, but it also indicates that we need more safety in our system.

When we come out of shutdown into our fight energy, we want to experience

that ideally as power, not as anger.

Anger is not a bad thing, but it can possibly be dysregulated.

Instead, we want power.

Power is fight energy with healthy boundaries and expectations.

To me, that's the difference between regulated fight energy

and dysregulated fight energy.

When you come out of shutdown into power, to me, there's a sense of

connection there because you're able to hold healthy boundaries, which involve

connecting with somebody, but also connecting with yourself and your values.

Compare that to like a more dysregulated anger.

To me, that's more about disconnection.

You're trying to maybe dominate or get that someone to like back

off out of more out of like fear.

And not out of empathy or compassion.

I think healthy boundaries with power can have empathy and compassion.

And there is a sense of connection with the other person, even though

you are enforcing a boundary.

So basically we want to prepare for that sympathetic energy return.

And ideally we want to experience it as power.

Something that might help with this is of course, continually

working on safety state.

But the other thing that might help with this is noticing what types of

movements that you're pulled towards.

As you come out of shutdown, your body's going to become more mobile.

You'll have probably more of an impulse to move in some way.

I think it's different for everybody.

What feels right, like a lot of the people I work with, they want

to go to the gym and work out.

For me, I prefer to go into the pool and kick off the walls and

do this like Tai Chi kind of stuff with my hands in the water.

Some people want to do yoga.

So I don't know the right answer for you.

You'll have to listen to what feels right inside of you.

You can also kind of notice as you come out of shutdown, is there an impulse

to be with somebody and go to the gym maybe or do yoga or is that something

that you feel like you need to do in solitude and either one is fine.

So allow for these movements, these impulses to emerge within you, but

also notice the micro moments and mindfully allow for those as well.

As you come out of shutdown, you might have these little micro moments

of wanting to connect with people, of making eye contact, of smiling.

You might have more mobility in your system that allows you to go for a walk.

These aren't huge, obvious changes maybe, but they are signals that you

have more energy in your system and also more of an impulse to connect.

So look for those little ones, but also, yeah, look for those big ones

that where you, where you do have this impulse to do something with

your returning fight, flight energy.

Being stuck can show up in many different ways.

Anxiety, anger, depression, overwhelm, panic, fear, and more.

And yeah, you're probably well aware of this already.

So, if you're ready to take the next steps in getting unstuck and you

don't want to spend a ton of money, I invite you to consider subscribing

to Stuck Not Broken Total Access.

In the Total Access membership, you'll get exclusive access, total access,

to the knowledge you need through my Polyvagal Trauma Relief System.

You'll also have the option of connecting with others and spending

more time with me in the community.

Plus there's a whole bunch of other stuff.

If you want to go even deeper in your unstucking process, like to

open Q and A's per month and a second podcast, and daily growth challenges.

Thank you so much for being a part of my podcast.

I really look forward to welcoming you into my total access membership.

Can't wait to see you there.

This is your official invitation.

If you want to learn more about the Total Access membership,

head over to justinlmft.

com slash Total Access.

Justinlmft.

com slash total access.

And I do have an iftigifty for you in the description.

There is a link to my free ebook.

It's called Trauma and the Polyvagal Paradigm.

If you're ready to go deeper into this stuff, there you go.

You can sign up for my email list and you'll get the ebook for free.

Otherwise, thank you so much for listening, fellow Stuckdown.

I really hope that this episode is deep dive into shutdown and

emerging, hopefully from shutdown.

I hope this has been a helpful resource for you in learning about

and applying the political theory to your trauma recovery journey.

Bye.

This podcast is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or

be a replacement for therapy.

Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.

Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are

experiencing mental health symptoms.

Nothing in this podcast should be construed to be specific life advice.

It is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

More resources are available in the description of this episode

and in the footer of justinlmft.

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