You're listening to the Driving Confidence podcast for drivers who want to be calm and confident on the road. We will be sharing tips, stories and advice to beat driving nerves and anxiety and build your driving confidence. Whether you are just starting out as a learner or have had your driving licence for years, if you want to transform how you feel about driving, this podcast is for you.

Kev, in today's episode we're going to respond to one of our listener requests.

Yes, and we like it when people send us in information requesting topics for the podcast. So this one is really nice I think, and I think it relates, to a lot of what other people have told me in my lessons as well. So hopefully it helps a lot more people.

Yeah, definitely There isn't anything here that we haven't heard from other people. So the great thing about this is, is hopefully it will help this listener, but also help other listeners as well.

And that's the idea, isn't it? This is why we do what we do.

This So let's make a start. I'm going to give some context here for this one. So for this listener, they shared some of their driving story. They started their driving lessons back when they were 18. And at the time, they had, I can only describe them as an inappropriate driving instructor. So not something that would necessarily, or hopefully not something that would necessarily happen nowadays.

mean, It shouldn't

it shouldn't. It shouldn't happen. Let's, let's put that out there. If you feel that your driving instructor is behaving in an inappropriate way, then change your driving instructor, but also report your driving instructor. So this person also had a failed test, but they felt that the fail was unfair. So they didn't really understand why they'd failed on this particular point. So there was a sense of injustice in there as well. They went on to have an abusive marriage and In this relationship, they were constantly told that they were rubbish, that they would never be able to drive, and that they would never pass their test. And there's also a little bit of family context in there as well. So some things were said by family members about them never amounting to anything. So, quite a lot of context here and some of that has set up some negative associations around driving. So then when they listed some of the thoughts that they have when they're driving, their thoughts go something like, I will never pass. I'm not destined to drive. My driving instructor is going to get fed up of me. I will fail, I will let everyone down, and I'm too old. So there we go, plenty for us to talk about there.

about there. I think, yeah, and for me, it's taking one thing at a time. Although they are thoughts and that's what we're working with there, but I think if we take one thing at a time, it's, it's going to work. And as well, if people are writing a list of what's stopping them driving, what scares them with driving, take one part of that. And work on that one. Don't think of the whole picture. Because it's massive, isn't it?

Yeah, that's it. There's so much in there. And I think there's a lot of negative associations that have been attached to driving. And there isn't much talk about positive. associations with driving. So it feels as if the whole idea of driving is fraught with negativity.

Yes, and, It's really hard when your thoughts are so negative that you can't see the positives and that's something that you can start to do straight away when you think of the positives is I've set my car up, I've started my car, I pulled away without stalling, I've done well, that was good, that was smooth, so just start little tiny things is is to get that positivity running.

Yeah, OK. So that's going to be our first suggestion then, isn't it? Is to... Put in some effort. We know, we understand that it is an effort. It's something that maybe won't happen naturally. But deciding to sit down and look at some positives. What are the things that go well? What are some of the positive things that you can say about your driving?

mean, even if we take the, the failing the driving test, you failed on one aspect. But for the other 40 minutes, 39 minutes, you drove really well.

Yeah, absolutely. And that was one of the things that I thought as soon as I read this one was, okay, you expected to pass that driving test. So at that point in time, you didn't feel negatively, you felt negatively about your driving instructor because of their behavior, but you hadn't at that point, put in the negative associations with your driving you were expecting and you you have a sense of injustice about failing you felt you should have passed that driving test so your feelings around driving at that point were more positive

Yeah, and you can't change that. That has happened, hasn't it? You know, that, that event has happened. We can't change that. But what we can do is move forward with that. And starting to think of The next test, this is what I'll do. This is what I might be asked to do. So I'll practice this. I'll practice that. If I keep practicing the positive parts of my driving, that will increase my chances of feeling good about the driving test.

about the and I think some of the stuff that's interesting there is that this negativity isn't about the nuts and bolts of driving. So none of this is to do with being able to move a car, stop a car, change gear in a car. This is all distractions. It's not to do with the actual driving. It's to do with other things around the driving. So, this person doesn't feel that they're a bad driver, or they haven't described in those thoughts being a bad driver. It's actually more about their mindset than their driving.

Yes, and that the skill of driving is probably okay. Yes, they, you know, the driving test is all the skills based. But the mindset needs to be worked on to make you feel more positive.

Yeah.

Um. But also take the negative and turn it into a positive. So, and what I mean by that is, let's take, what you failed on. It might have been, pulling up on the left hand side of the road, and you touched the kerb and you went up the kerb, so that's a fail. Well, let's think of next time that happens, what are you going to do so you have a positive effect? So you can turn that negative into a positive as well.

Yeah. Now, of course, One of the other things that we often say is remembering that thoughts are not facts. So just because we're having a thought doesn't make it true. In fact, very often it's not true. Very often it's the brain's survival system coming in, giving you all sorts of things to try and keep you safe, to try and stop you making yourself feel uncomfortable again. So very often they're far from factual. They're... Just designed to stop you doing things.

They're just designed to stop you doing The future. You know, it's like those what if questions. I know I've moved away a little bit, but it's what happens. What might happen? Well, we can't predict that.

Yeah.

We can't predict the future.

That's it, you haven't got a crystal ball.

You you're trying to do is to create scenarios in your head. And that's what you're doing as well. You know, if you say, I'll never be able to do this, you're creating a scenario, aren't you? If someone tells you you're not good enough and you start believing that, you've created a scenario that you aren't good

Yeah, that was one of the other thoughts I had when I read these thoughts. I did wonder, whose voice is it? When you have those thoughts, when you hear those thoughts in your head, whose voice is it? Who? Are you hearing, are you hearing that family member, or that abusive partner, or that inappropriate instructor, or the examiner who you felt treated you unfairly, or is it your voice? So is it a thought? Is it a fact? Whose voice is it? Who does it remind you of? And let's create our own thoughts which are kind. which are factual. So very often these thoughts are habits. So things like I'm not good enough or I'll never pass. I will fail. I will let everyone down. Often these sorts of thoughts become really habitual. They just become a habit of something that you think without even realizing. Where we said to. Make an effort to think of some positive things about driving. Again, another thing to make an effort to do is to have an add on. So when you have the habit thought that pops in almost automatically, that you've got something that you're going to add on the end. So, I haven't passed my driving test yet.

I'm not good enough, but I will be soon.

I'm going to keep practicing to get better.

And that's exactly that, something that you can believe as well, aren't you?

Yeah, definitely. I will fail. When that pops in, it's I will fail, uh, but will I? Is that a thought or is that a fact? Look at all the work that I've been doing to ensure that I can pass. And also moving away from the test. So instead of this pass or fail, let's focus on the driving. So instead of the mindset, how, how is my driving? How are my driving skills? And Am I able to drive? And demonstrate that to someone in an assessment. So, let's keep the focus on the driving.

Yeah, And it could help. And you know, when you look at your driving, then with that different mindset, I wonder what the result would be then. And again, I don't know, I'm not predicting the future, but I think you would have a better chance.

Yeah. So just trying to create some new thinking habits. It does take some effort and it does take some time to sit down, work out some positives, and then work out some. extra little kind, more factual things that you can add on to any negative thoughts. So you can start to reprogram your thinking habits. And even better, if you can say those new positive aspects out loud, then You are using different parts of your brain, but also your subconscious mind will hear you saying them and it will eventually take notice. So we want to try and reprogram the conscious mind, but if we can start to try and reprogram the unconscious mind as well, then that will be really helpful.

So just for people that are listening and, you know, thinking about, well, how do I do this? When do I do this? Do I do that? All the time, or do I do that when I just have that thought coming? Does it matter if I do it just when I have that thought? You know, I get this quite a lot with people and they say that's great good, but when do I do that?

So if you're having a thought, that's when you want to put on the positive add-on because you've had the thought as an automatic thing, so you need. Balance it out. So balance it out with the positive. But times to actually practice thought, sort of almost like a homework, then you're not going to put the negative in at all. You're just going to be using positives. You're not going to on purpose say the negative. So if you're going to spend some time in the morning or before you go to bed or whenever you choose in your lunch hour and your break. I suppose a bit like positive affirmations.

where I was going with this. Yeah,

That's exactly where we're the negative then. You're never going to say the negative on purpose. Um, so the add ons are for when the negative comes out, out of habit. But, otherwise, you're going to practice. It would be ideal to practice then positive things about your driving.

And that's, you know, what I get people to do. And I love the, when people tell me what they've come up with, their positive affirmations, if you want, about their driving, it's really revelationary to them and also to me as well. So, I would love to hear other people's, uh, thoughts on what they've come up with, positive thoughts they've come up with. I'd love to know that

on what they've come up with any positive thoughts, any positive affirmations, anything that's really helped you to change your mindset around driving, let us know. Maybe put them in comments on the different social media platforms so that other people can see them. But also feel free to let us know. Maybe, maybe we could do a future episode with some suggested positive affirmations or maybe we could put them together as a little bonus in between the season breaks.

Yeah, and again, it's creating a picture, isn't it?

Yeah. Definitely. Great. This listener, they said in their message to us, I dread the thought of motorway driving, which I can't get out of when I pass my driving test. It's such a short sentence, but I think this is a really good subject.

Where do I start? So I suppose we have to think about, first off, I'm just gonna put this out there as a, a starter. If you are having lessons or if you're having refresher lessons, you can go on the motorway. Even if you haven't passed your test in an instructor's car with dual controls, and if the instructor feels that you are ready to be able to do that. So I'm going to put that out because that's one of the myths that a lot of people, a lot of students say to me. Once I pass my test, you can give me a motorway lesson. Well, why not do it before your test?

The key thing there is that it's with an instructor, isn't it?

The key thing though is that it's from a

control. And dual controls.

motorway in your lesson, so it doesn't happen. But if you can, I would suggest getting motorway lessons during your lessons.

Yeah, or dual carriageways, yes there's one less lane, but it's still driving at speed, lots of them have slip roads on and off, so it's as close as you can get.

it's practicing isn't it, it gives you a practice, but the thought is still it's not a motorway. And that's why I've highlighted that because people say well it's just a dual carriageway. Yeah. Well it is, but it's skills that you will need. To be able to drive on the motorway. And

Yeah, and I think if you think like that, then it's worth jotting down, writing or saying out loud the similarities between the two so that you can understand and your mind can understand that they are very similar. The skills, the skills you have from one. you can apply into the other.

that's what driving's all about, isn't it? It's creating skills that you can use in various different situations.

absolutely. I mean, look at your first driving lesson. You learn to start a car. That's really useful forever in your driving. And you learn how to stop a car. That's also really useful forever. So yes, you're right. I mean, It's all about learning skills that you apply in different

Exactly. So that, that's the first thing I would, with this person that sent the question in to us. Then we got a, so interesting, like I said, I'll start with that one, but. Do we go with, okay, what is it about motorway driving that worries you? What is it about passing the test then? That you'd now, you know, tell me more about that. Is, is this thought about the motorway is going to affect the test?

Yeah, that's, that was the one me. That was the one that I'm like, ah, this is a person who is scared to pass their driving test. Their subconscious mind, consciously they might be thinking, I want to pass my test. Consciously or subconsciously, they are also thinking, I don't want to pass my test because that means I will have to do something that I don't want to do and it's really scary. And your brain is going to go, Whoa, we're going to do anything. Don't worry. We'll give you all sorts of problems. We will do anything to keep you safe and stop you feeling like that. So guess what? You might not pass your driving test.

And it's not just motorway driving it might be if I pass my test I then have to drive my car on my own

Yep. If I pass my test, I've then got to drive to a different office, whereas I've been able to work locally to now.

Yeah. If I pass my test, I've got drive with other people in the car. You know, I might be giving lifts to people. Yes. I might have to give lifts to my friends because I'm the oldest one and they would want lifts.

I try to avoid giving lifts to anybody. For the first couple of years. I hated giving people lifts.

lifts to lifts. I say shouldn't, I don't really like that word, but it shouldn't make you not pass a

No.

And I think this is where we need to have a look at what's going to stop you passing your test.

test. Are we stopping ourselves from passing a test because we're scared of what it's going to mean? Because it can change all sorts of things. It can change everything.

And I think he's, you know, when you first if there's any people out here that are 16 and a half, 16, 17 that are listening to this or you may well have children at this age but a question to ask is what does passing the test mean to you? What does it enable you to do? And then that is a goal, isn't it? You know, this person's, um, If I pass my test, it means I've got to drive on motorways, and I'm really scared of motorways.

Yep.

Yeah. It's a bit negative, isn't it? So are you actually going to be motivated to pass that test? Is, uh, is that probably a massive question to ask? And we don't know the answer, but I'd love to ask that question that person. Um, but hopefully this is helping.

Yeah. So I mean, again, that old chestnut, is it a thought or is it a fact? So If I pass my test, I'm going to have to do this really scary thing. Well, actually, is that true? Is that a thought or is it a fact? Can that be broken down? Is anybody going to expect you to do that the day after you've passed your test? Can you arrange things so that you take it in bite sized goals?

You take it might well be that you, I don't know, let's say you've got a four hour journey. You're driving down to Cornwall. Well, drive for an hour. Yeah,

Yeah, share the

driving. Share the driving. And stop, there's services. Do I have to drive on the motorway? I might have to drive a little bit of the motorway. Do I have to make it all motorway?

Yeah, and can you practice some of the skills before?

Yeah, what skills have I got that's going to help me? It's just a massive question to answer really, isn't

it? Yeah. So don't let that scary thing that you don't want to do when you've passed your driving test be a barrier.

And we mentioned earlier, it's not just motorways, people put barriers up. But again, how many barriers do we put up? How can we knock them down? Let's

put up? How can we knock them down? Yeah, yeah. So let's, let's take that as an, as a thing all on its own. Separate it out from your driving tests. So there's the learning to drive. There's the having your driving assessed. Separate that from the big scary thing that you don't want to do. And then let's look at that as a separate side project almost. Is, okay, so I've learnt to drive, so eventually that might be my big goal. What are the baby steps I need to take to work towards that? And just allow yourself some time and some space to know you don't have to do that immediately.

No, and that's exactly it, isn't it? You know, if you think, right, I'm going to start to drive. It's a massive task. There is so much involved in driving. People don't learn to drive to pass a test. They learn to drive to do something. It could be get a new job, could be whatever it may be. Um, but what you do is you have to have bite sized goals all the way through your learning and lessons. That you can achieve, which enables you to do that. And it's the same process again. You know, just bite size everything to make it easier. But, have the reason why you're doing it in the back of the mind. Because that's the motivation, isn't it? Yeah, I might do that, but, It really scares me driving on motorways. Well, let's...

Park that. Ha! Driving analogy.

analogy. Tracy's jokes. But anyway, what we're looking for is to, let's start with a dual carriageway. Let's do it when it's quiet. You know, do we have to drive? When it's busy. Do we, can we do a weekend? Can I do it on a Sunday morning at six o'clock? How busy is that going to be? Do I, you know, so again, there's lots of things that we can do that potentially we haven't thought about.

we that could make it more manageable and less scary. So, have a think. Is there anything, are there any barriers to you passing your driving test? Is there something scary that might be stopping you from passing your test in the first place?

But there also might be, you know, people that have passed their test. What barriers do they still have?

having said that, that's just reminded me, we are going to be revisiting with a previous podcast guest who passed their test last year. They spoke to us while they were having driving lessons. They came back on to talk to us after they passed their driving test. And they've offered to come back on and talk about what it's like a year on. And. I know that this person has been doing exactly what we've just been talking about, taking things in baby steps and working towards their goals. So that episode will fit in really nicely.

I think so. And it, it's not just us talking and saying stuff, is it? This is real life again. And this is why I really like doing this podcast. Because it's not just us saying stuff. People are going out and doing things, aren't they? They are putting it into practice and seeing the results. So that, for me, is brilliant. And I can't wait to, can't wait to see how they're getting on.

Yep, great. Okay, so, hopefully that's resonated with you, or maybe it's made you think about somebody else that you know. If it has, then don't forget to share the episode with them. Get in touch. any positive affirmations, anything that's really helped you to change your mindset around driving, let us know. If we get enough of them, then we'll make a little bonus episode in between seasons so that we can share them out for everybody. The more people who get in touch, the more people we can help. If you want to get in touch, all of the details are in the show notes, as always. And so all that leaves us to do is to say, until next time, have a great day, whatever you're doing.