00:00:08 Sana: Hey, everyone, welcome back to this podcast. I am your host. Sana's always here. And today I'm bringing up a topic or something that doesn't get talked about enough in boardrooms or, um, on factory floors, the internal cost of leadership. Now, you know, listeners, we celebrate our leaders, you know, who fix everything, who carry the weight, who are who are keeping systems running no matter what. But then what happens inside those leaders? They are humans as well, right? What's the price of being the one everyone depends on. And more importantly, what if the very beliefs that made you successful are also the ones quietly breaking you down? That's a very intriguing question, right, listeners? Now, today's guest knows this territory intimately. Steven McConnell spent over thirty years in high pressure manufacturing environments, building departments, solving chronic problems and being the person others turned to when things needed fixing. But behind the capability was a story most people didn't see, one shaped by early instability, a belief that everything wrong must be his fault, and years of suppressing emotions to keep everything running smoothly. And that path eventually led to alcoholism, not with a dramatic crash, but then with a quiet, honest moment of truth. But then Steven chose sobriety, and he began what he calls a year long experiment in human behavior. We'll explore that in the conversation listeners. But today, he's the founder of Growth Mindset Initiative and NLP Certified Coach. He's the creator of the seven Laws of Personal Mastery. So let me tell you, listeners, this conversation is not about hustle culture or just, you know, the the normal kind of, you know, surface level self-improvement that we see maybe on social media or we hear people discussing about. It's about what happens when capable consensus, consensus people finally stop performing and start examining the internal infrastructure that's been quietly running their lives. So with that, let's begin. And Steven, welcome to this blend. I'm really honored to have you here.

00:02:47 Stephen McConnell: Wow. Thank you for the awesome introduction. I really do appreciate it. Thank you.

00:02:52 Sana: Thank you, Stephen. And yeah, quite a journey in there. And, uh, I mean, uh, it, it it was a good intro because you did something really phenomenal. But then that's what, you know, people mostly can see intentionally unintentionally. That's something that, you know, externally, externally gets recognized a lot that as a leader or maybe as a problem solver, as, um, a creative thinker or a critical thinker, you are you are trying to solve problems out there. People are coming to you, they're looking up to you. Um, but then on the flip side, what's what's happening within you? I think that is something it really gets talked about. So I really appreciate that you are bringing up this, um, and, and to begin with, um, you described yourself as the fixer. And that's exactly something that also caught my attention while reading the intro. Um, but you have said that there was an internal cost to that role. So what what made you become that person, and when did you start realizing it wasn't sustainable?

00:04:03 Stephen McConnell: Wow. Okay. So going way, way, way back into pretty much all of our histories, all of our childhoods. We design our personal operating systems, our subconscious, in ways that are safe and secure.

00:04:23 Sana: Okay.

00:04:24 Stephen McConnell: And then we go off into life. We go through, you know, adolescence into adulthood. And a lot of times those are very limiting structures. So when you're going into maybe a leadership role or any kind of role whatsoever. You start to have things that burn you out because those frameworks are no longer serving you. They're against you. They're burning you out. And for me, for me, the there was alcoholism. There was a lot of self-esteem issues. Uh, and all of these internal limiting frameworks that I've filtered the world out through the weeks I saw the world this way and the, the, the pivotal moments. For me, it wasn't like this huge. All of a sudden, one day I woke up and I was it was just layer after layer. I started having health problems from being an alcoholic. I started having a lot of burnout, a lot of, um, pain. As far as, um, the way I saw the world, the way people were against me. This is what I saw.

00:05:43 Sana: Okay?

00:05:43 Stephen McConnell: And being looking for solutions to it, I realized that I was mostly working against myself.

00:05:56 Sana: Mm. Yeah. And, um, you mentioned about burnout now and what, what I have. Because I've, I've personally kind of, you know, have have, uh, have had a encounter with it. Um, and I think it's the worst part of burnout is that you do not realize or you do not identify it immediately, like, it's this, um, like a slow poison. Um, and most of the most of the times it's very late that, you know, you get to realize or understand. Okay, I am actually burned out. I'm very, actually very happy that now people are beginning to have very nuanced and practical discussions on burnout. It's not just something that, um, can be an excuse or can be just a hashtag or a word here, but there are actual scenarios or actual actual examples where, you know, um, many people, they're openly sharing, uh, that how they are, um, like working for fourteen hours, for six months, experiencing burnout coupled with all the external pressures, um, family finances, um, let alone mental health. I mean, that's that completely goes, um, sometimes, you know, ignored. But then did you, Steven, did you, uh, like did you how did you identify that? Yes. Now I'm I'm absolutely burnt out because you were in an industry which is like a traditional industry manufacturing and and it's it's very labour intensive. It's, uh, it requires a lot of hours. It requires a lot of operational management, um, skills, capabilities, devotion. I mean, I don't know, I don't have better words for that, but, uh, did you feel that, you know, um, I'm going through this, and this may harm my career. This may completely take my identity away from me.

00:08:12 Stephen McConnell: Oh, I, um, I didn't identify until later. Like I was referring to, um, my current job as this wrongful place I was. I was putting everybody else. I was pushing it as if it was everybody else's fault. And I was waking up tired. You know, your your inside tired. Not physically tired. Yeah. And there was a point in time where I stopped and I had to ask myself what was wrong. This initial moment is where I started to build a little bit of self-awareness.

00:08:58 Sana: Okay.

00:08:59 Stephen McConnell: Realizing that it was a a multi-person party system where I was contributing. I knew I had I learned that I had to own myself, own my actions, own that wherever I am in life is mine. Somebody else's. It's my choice. And this is the once again, I'm describing probably a year, two years, three years worth of, um, realizations. I started journaling, which is a self-awareness practice. Um, I started exploring, uh, the emotional side. Up until that point in time, most of what I filtered, what I showed, displayed the world was anger, frustration. And, you know, I'm not certain, uh, it might be a bias, but, you know, that was how I was raised as a man. Like that was. You're not allowed to display joy. You're not allowed to display this or that. And I had to break free of those, those limiting frameworks through self-awareness. So what took me a couple years of realization self exploration. If you start to cultivate self-awareness first and then listen to what you're saying verbally and what you're saying to yourself internally, you start to become curious and make sure you're curious about it too. You start to build that curiosity? Is this the correct terminology? Is this supporting where I'm growing? So for me, the life lesson as far as just same thing with like the addiction to alcohol, it came to a point where it started to show symptoms in my real life physical health symptoms, mental symptoms, you know, all of those symptoms. Same thing with the burnout. You start to get into this symptomatic phase. And then, you know, I did I, I blamed the world. I blamed everybody against me. This did impact my career. This impacted my family. This impacted everything. And growing from that, I started to say, hey, you know, maybe it's not everybody and maybe I have a part in this.

00:11:33 Sana: Yeah. And that is such an important aspect, you know, especially when we are trying to analyze everything. I mean, it says it's it doesn't mean that, you know, um, we always we have to like it doesn't advocate for, uh, self judgment or self blaming, but then, yes, um, before simply just putting the blame on everyone else or every part of the system around you. I think we need to start from ourselves. The starting point should be always within us. Uh, do I have a part in here? Do I have a role in here to play before I pin the blame on to someone else or something else? Um, and I think that is something which is not only applicable in the business or the professional world, but in personal, uh, world as well. Personal lives as well. Steven.

00:12:32 Stephen McConnell: Absolutely, absolutely. If I if I may interrupt just a little bit. You you had said something there that's very important and I want to highlight it as well because I went through this as well, is going to the other extreme and completely blaming everything on myself and, um, naively accepting that everybody meant great things for me and it was all my fault when it so that that that clarity took some time for the alignment and um, for and where it applies to manufacturing, to leadership, to CEOs. I find that once you start to practice self-awareness and you give yourself a point on the horizon, I call it the North Star, something that might not ever be able to be reached, but it's the journey to get there and you have yourself, your future self at that North Star, and you align the two. And that is where I find that a lot of my clients, they really start to empower themselves. It's no longer about the hours that they put in because the hours are long. It's no longer about how much of this or that. They know who they are, they know where they're going. They have this alignment and clarity in their life that whatever's being thrown at them, it's no longer self-blame. There's ownership. It's no longer blaming anybody else. It's all it's ownership as to what their part in and what their role is and where they're going.

00:14:28 Sana: Yeah, I really go by the word ownership. Um, because, um, I mean, it's not the extremes here, but somewhere in middle, like, you know, where it's not a complete self-blame or a complete blame on the factors around us, but somewhere in the middle, we we have to embark upon that journey of seeking North Star. As you mentioned, it's not that we have to get the North Star, but at least we embark upon that journey to seek that path. Um, and, um, coming you you mentioned in the beginning of the conversation about, you know, um, alcoholism and, uh, um, you didn't have a dramatic rock bottom with alcohol, like, uh, a clear moment of truth. And I think a lot of people, you know, especially when it comes to addiction recovery stories, um, they expect, like some kind of catastrophic event, but, like, I'm curious to know, Stephen, what was that moment and and what made you choose sobriety without the trauma? Was it like, um, your family? Was it, um, that you understood that you are the problem and you are the solution here? Like, what exactly was it?

00:15:48 Stephen McConnell: Um, well, it was, um, it was years in, in years of, like I had, I had for, for lack of better words, practiced alcoholism for years, but then started with that self-awareness.

00:16:07 Sana: Okay.

00:16:07 Stephen McConnell: Self-awareness is a skill that anybody and everybody can learn.

00:16:11 Sana: Um.

00:16:13 Stephen McConnell: If you're not intentionally going forth and aiming to learn it, it's it's just this one small thing at a time. Very slow progress. And so over the years, I started realizing that the body X the the indigestion, the the the gout, the feelings of I also seeing the effects upon my immediate family. Um, I started seeing my performance at work slipping. I saw all of these things, and I didn't put necessarily two and two together that a this is alcoholism. A, you know, but it started I started to realize, hey, I need to live a little bit healthier. I need to one big thought that this your question brought me to was, um, do I want to see my grandkids?

00:17:08 Sana: Um.

00:17:09 Stephen McConnell: And the realization and this was, this was a North Star at that moment in time was the realization was, yes. I want not only see my children grow up and I'm very blessed. I have a twenty five year old right now and a twenty one year old, um, but I also want to see the grandkids, and I want to see them grow up and maybe even the great grandkids and started seeing, feeling this is another part of that component, started feeling the passion for that North Star. Through then there was also some traumatic events where my father, who was also an alcoholic, he had gone through some health issues.

00:17:56 Sana: Um.

00:17:57 Stephen McConnell: And that's when I started to put the connections together. That's when I started saying these health issues are very similar to what I'm experiencing. This is where I need to stop the habit. And so I started to, you know, there's like I said, it's slow journey. I started to justify, okay, well, instead of drinking this, I will drink that. It'll be less alcohol. And at one point in time I realized Then that's not enough. I just need to be the person I see myself as in the future. By not drinking alcohol today. And, um, that ended up being pretty much a a stop to all alcohol I had. Um, and it's not that I have an issue with it. I had had a moment a couple of years ago where I was out with some friends, and we had a couple beers, and I knew I stopped at two beers and I was good. I haven't touched it since. Um, so I feel like the alignment process allows me to get rid of that internal coping mechanism and then build a healthy relationship with whatever my addiction was, which is alcohol. So the rock bottom, I guess, took years to happen and took years to unhappen. So there wasn't really a rock bottom. It was just a slow self awareness process where, um, and this is what I teach. This is the Neuro-linguistic programming, where passion, gratitude and joy bring you to your future self faster than any other way. So you have your North Star and you build your passion there. And that's it's like gravity. It pulls you to it.

00:19:59 Sana: That's right, that's right. And before jumping on to the next question, um, one thing that I want to say, like, you know, especially around this word self-awareness. Now, sometimes it can be, um, a very obvious way to like, you know, bypass accountability. I'm self aware that I'm, um, I have a bad temper, but, yeah, I have bad temper. I have accepted it so others have also have to accept it. I mean, it doesn't mean that, you know, if you're self-aware, you are accepting, um, the flaws or maybe the shortcomings, if at all, there is a valid, um, valid reason for improvement in there or valid reason for growth in there, then I think, um, self-awareness should not be the the reason for bypassing accountability. That is something I think many sometimes, you know, many people have that kind of misconception.

00:21:05 Stephen McConnell: I absolutely agree, I think that, um, see where my mind went with that. That conversation was there's self-awareness you are aware of. You know, for me, you are I was aware that I had a bad temper. Um, then there's ownership.

00:21:24 Sana: Yes.

00:21:25 Stephen McConnell: And the ownership is either acceptance or justification. And I'm trying to play with words just a little bit here, just to try and describe what I mean. When you accept that you have a temper, you have a choice in whether you want your future self to have a temper or that you're okay. It's not harming your life in any way, form or fashion as opposed to justification. Well, I have a bad temper because that driver in front of me or this person is this, and that's pushing the blame on everybody else. So it's not an actual ownership, it's just a lack, lack of productivity here. So, um, and I would I would encourage, once you become self aware of something, ask you if you, you know, ask yourself if you see this in your future self as a beneficial trait.

00:22:29 Sana: Hmm.

00:22:31 Stephen McConnell: And I think that in that way, if you're like, no, this temper actually harms my family, then there is that humbleness and this realization that there's something that you can do to take steps to reduce it in your life.

00:22:51 Sana: Absolutely. Absolutely. And, um, Steven, before we conclude, I think this is, um, a very interesting, uh, part as well, which I came across in your intro. Like you call your work a years long experiment in human behavior. Um, I mean, that's that's not the language most coaches use. Like, it's it sounds more like a scientist. Like you are your own guinea pig. I mean, what what What were you actually experimenting with? And what what did you learn that surprised you?

00:23:30 Stephen McConnell: Yeah, yeah. It was literally experimental because I wasn't, at that point, truly, completely self-aware. And I'm not saying that I am now I'm growing in my self-awareness journey. Um, so I wanted to collect in a, in a, in a, uh, manufacturing systematic way. I wanted to collect data on what improves my health, what improves my mindset, what improves my spiritual feelings.

00:24:04 Sana: Okay.

00:24:05 Stephen McConnell: And so I literally started just with health. And I went to only eating vegetables. I went to only eating specific vegetables that reduce high blood pressure. I went to, you know, and I did at first it started with thirty day experiments. Realizing that the thirty day experiments, there wasn't enough data for me to say this works. And so I then started with one hundred and twenty days experiments where I would eat like heavy beets, because beets are supposed to be great for blood pressure.

00:24:43 Sana: Yes, yes.

00:24:45 Stephen McConnell: And I realized in that process. Mainly what you eat impacts your health. So that's eighty percent of what you eat or excuse me, what you eat impacts eighty percent of your health.

00:25:00 Sana: Hmm.

00:25:01 Stephen McConnell: With that said, in that process, if you're going to eat beets, it's just like taking a prescription. Right. And what you need to do is you need to find the root cause to, you know, I'm not a doctor, so I don't recommend, you know, not being a doctor, but you need to find the root cause to the high blood pressure because there's multiple different reasons for it. And I'm just using this as an example and then begin to experiment there. So when I started to experiment back then, it was it was guinea pig fashion where I was this human guinea pig. And I didn't completely understand at that point where my high blood pressure came from. So I was doing all of these researching and saying, okay, these herbs are supposed to help me. These are, you know, and I learned a lot about my body, what it wants to eat, how it's supposed to eat, and the better way to do things. I did the same thing with exercise, and so I went through like one hundred and twenty days of like hour or two hours worth of walking and or I did resistance training. I did, you know, jogging I did. I went through that process just to track what was doing going on with my body. Um. Short story to that was I was building self-awareness in particular self-awareness to my health and self-awareness to my exercise part of health. And then I continued doing that with my spiritual side. I continued doing that with my mind side. Um, and that's when I started teaching leadership. I started teaching leadership in corporate manufacturing. Did that for two years. Um, by all means. I was scared to be in front of people.

00:27:05 Sana: Yeah.

00:27:06 Stephen McConnell: And it's a lot of times managers higher than me, owners and CEOs, teaching leadership. Um, but it was an experiment. And that's where I learned the self-awareness of itself, you know, of that is a core component. And then you remove what doesn't work. You input in your North Star, your passion, and you you go from there.

00:27:36 Sana: That's right, that's right. And that is very, very interesting. Uh, Stephen. Very interesting. And, um, and I think, um, you overcame your fear as well, like you mentioned about, you know, um, you were actually taking, uh, a chance here. You were trying to experiment, you know, exploring, coaching, leadership, um, for, uh, not only CEOs or, but managers and, um, I mean, like, you know, many, so many people have that fear because, um, something that they have been very comfortable with themselves. Uh, maybe tweaking or being flexible. Being nimble. That. Okay, let me try this strategy for myself or this strategy or let me go this way. Um, when it comes to like, you know, um, now, as a coach, as a mentor, you are becoming a very important part of someone else's, most probably a career trajectory. Um, I think the responsibility here, it increases a lot. And I think sometimes that fear is genuine. But I think you overcame that fear. And I think that is that is a huge, you know, aspect of, uh, self improvement, self-development, personal growth, whichever words you like can throw out here.

00:29:04 Stephen McConnell: Yeah. Yeah. Um, and I'm still pushing forwards.

00:29:08 Sana: Yeah.

00:29:09 Stephen McConnell: I'm still pushing forwards and experimenting. So when it comes to coaching and guiding CEOs and presidents and all of the c-suites I'm pushing forward. Um, I'm doing speaking contests now, um, and going forth in that manner. Really, what it is, is first, does it align with your North Star and your passion?

00:29:35 Sana: Um.

00:29:36 Stephen McConnell: And then on another core component of that is once you clearly see that that does align with that understanding that anxiety is an anxiety in particular, is the same emotion just framed differently in your mind as, as excitement. And so being able to realize that, oh, I'm in anxiety, but I'm excited because this is going towards my North Star. And then there's the last component to what we were talking about. Right there is the the the Five minutes to ten minutes before you get ready to do an action that is, um, fearful and anxiety ridden or, you know, reframe it to excitement is the time where most people that's the pain point. Most people think of that moment and stop.

00:30:36 Sana: Yeah.

00:30:37 Stephen McConnell: And realizing that it's the five to ten minutes before you take that action. It's not actually the action that the pain point is on. If that makes sense.

00:30:50 Sana: It does. Absolutely. Absolutely does. And something related to it. Um, I mean, of course. Uh, um, I will leave it to all of our listeners to explore more around this, but you have created something which is, uh, the seven Laws of Personal Mastery. I mean, without going through all seven, because we do have a time constraint here. But then what's one law that Manufacturing leaders, um, uh, consistently, or maybe leaders in general consistently struggle with most, um, why?

00:31:26 Stephen McConnell: Um. Hmm. Well, part of it and I listed several of them without even just kind of naming them from the book Seven Laws Personal Mastery. Um, it there's the clarity, the alignment. There is the, um, having the North Star knowing yourself. But I think that a large portion of all of us doesn't matter what station we are in life, a large portion of all of us have, um, a struggle or difficulty with the emotional intelligence part of it and the emotional intelligence part of it. The emotional intelligence part is what's, Um, say, for instance, your ego or your arrogance prevents you from becoming self-aware. Or justifies. Once you're aware of a trait, you justify that this is the reason why I do this. So I would I would go to the neurolinguistic programming side of things and say that the basis is emotions and belief.

00:32:42 Sana: Um. And I think that is something um, like specifically we look at the traditional industries. Um, I think it's yet to have a major impact, especially when it comes to emotions or, you know, vulnerability or emotional intelligence because unfortunately, um, you know, these the, the perception or the image around all these words are somewhat related to or they portray weakness. Um, yeah. Um, um, not having the control because, you know, something that we cannot control. We have this, you know, mostly leaders will have the fear of letting go of everything in here. But I think that fear is real, and and, um, um, there is definitely a long way ahead, uh, to not change, but at least be aware about it. Um, and, um, and before we wrap, wrap up the conversation, Steven, I'm very sure listeners will definitely have their thoughts or experiences. They would like their like to share their opinions, and they would also like to connect with you, explore more around your work, your coaching, and of course, the seven Laws of Personal mastery. So if they would like to do that, how they can connect with you.

00:34:14 Stephen McConnell: Well, um, I would like to. There's always my LinkedIn profile, which is Stephen McDonell. One um, but I would like to direct them to where all the resources is, and that's mindset growth comm and that's m y. So m y and growth comm because there are free resources if they're too shy to reach out for a thirty minute clarity discovery call um, which is free. Um, they could always go on to the website to have a membership on the website and start to go through some of the journey that I've already, you know, discussed here. Um, and then when they start to feel a little bit more reassured, they can always they know where the website is. They can always schedule a discovery call and we can talk. I find that, um, a lot of my, a lot of my discovery calls, I tend to. I tend to help them just enough to get through this season of life. So it's not necessarily beneficial to to being a business, but it's beneficial to be be to being a coach and to being of service to other people and helping them along. A lot of times they'll reach back with me because that thirty minutes has changed their life and they're they're giving me a testimonial. So I want to encourage them to go to mindset growth. Com.

00:35:39 Sana: Super. That's really good. And yes listeners I encourage all of you to go to mindset growth. Com. Check out all the resources that Steven sharing. Maybe book a call with him today. Connect with him today. And to make that easier for all of you, I'll have all the links, all the details mentioned in the show notes. So find them attached along with this episode on whichever platform you're listening right now to your podcast. And, uh, let's, let's, um, quickly get into our, uh, conclusion here, listeners, because I think it has been such a really honest discussion, honest conversation. And, um, Steve and I really appreciate that. You know, you, um, brought a kind of, um, the the blend of hard reality and also the vulnerability here, which which I think is so, so much necessary right now, especially in the business or the leadership world in here. Um, so I really, really thank you so much for being being so insightful.

00:36:52 Stephen McConnell: So I really do appreciate it. It's been an honor to be on your podcast, and I would love to come back anytime. Thank you.

00:37:00 Sana: Absolutely, absolutely. And, uh, listeners, thank you so much for tuning in. Um, if you if you are, uh, any leader or maybe a manufacturing leader. Any any leader who feels like everything is good on paper it looks good outside, but then barely holding it together on the inside. Stephen's work might be worth exploring. So yeah, definitely reach out, connect with him. And, uh, here's what I will leave you with. Being the person everyone depends on doesn't mean you have to carry everything alone. Sometimes the strongest thing you can do is not fixing one more problem. It is examining why you believe every problem is yours to fix in the first place. With that. This is the end of this episode of podcast. If this conversation landed for you, share it with another leader or your friend, your loved one, or your colleague who might need to hear it. And uh, until next time, this is your host signing off. Thank you.