Good morning, Beth. Good morning, Melissa. Melissa

2.0. You've been on your retreat. I'm expecting a new

melissa today. Do I look different? You

do. You do. I do.

Yes. So we just went to Santorini

with, there was eleven women

on a business retreat that we didn't speak about business

at all. And it was incredible. And I

learned, I say I learned a lot. I learned a lot about me

and about

my barriers.

And it's quite interesting, isn't it, that as you allow

them to come up and be seen and feel safe enough to explore

them, that somehow they just seem to dissipate.

Yes. And I think it's about having a safe space

to be able to do that. So that sounds

wonderful. And isn't it interesting that we go on these retreats? And

actually, and I think about this a lot, and a lot of the work that

I do is very holistic. And I think that if we want to improve

in business or we want to improve in whatever area of life that we're working

on, it comes back to, you know, us. And if our life, if

we ourselves aren't feeling it, then how can we expect

the business to thrive the way that we want it to? I love that you

did very little. The intention. The other retreats had been more business

focused, and this time it wasn't. And I, and I

think it was more to do with us and the women that were there than

the intention of the. Of everybody.

And yeah, it was. I went in there not

knowing what to expect. I was probably expecting it to be more

business focused if there was an expectation.

First day we set our intentions, and my intention was

this to remove my barriers to greatness

and to explore the fears that are stopping me from fully

stepping in. Amazing, amazing

intention. And it was funny because

the lady that was running it was the next day or later on she said,

are your intentions the same now? And I'm like,

yep. Because the moment that we started the

first inquiry, it was

like. It was interesting for me because I went into this

meditation and I was asking myself,

what is it that I really want? If it wasn't for anybody else, what is

it that I really want? Yeah, I witnessed my brain telling me

all of the things that I think I want. It was like going through the

list and I'm like, no, that's not it. No,

that's not it. Not because I was batting it away, but because there wasn't an

emotion with it. There was just the things like all clarity,

peace, understanding. And

then suddenly it was almost like, if you could imagine

a tulip, like, opening up. Yeah. And all of the petals,

like, falling away. And then I was just left with this. What is

it? The seed that sits inside it. And

suddenly these words just rose up to

me and said, you want belonging? And

I was like, oh, that's it, yeah,

yeah. And the emotions all came with it. And it was

like anything that all of these other words

and intentions were almost protecting

that. Don't let her. Don't let her find out that's what she

really wants. Yeah. Let's focus on these outer things, these outer petals.

Let's not get to the innids. The good stuff. But. And I'd never

really considered it because I think we've spoken before that I've

always felt like I'm quite different to other people

and I have my own way of doing things. And

I suppose there's that rebellious. Like, I very rarely think the

same way as most other people and I've accepted that as one of my

superpowers. I'm like, yeah, this is what makes me who I am and all

of this. So when that came up, I was like, that's interesting. And I wonder

how much of what I do has been to deflect from

that and to stop that rejection coming in and coming up.

I think it's interesting, isn't it? Because belonging, and it's a little bit, I think,

we talked about on the previous episode, or was it when we were talking in

the Reiki class? I can't remember, but about my sense of, like, home,

which is similar to belonging, that feeling of connecting to

something, but also with belonging, it's

about community, it's about acceptance, it's about being part of something.

And I think we often feel like we want to be lone

wolves and independent, and we don't need to be. Not like

it's the centre of attention, but it's almost that

that's not who we are. So when we get given something

that is more in tune with that as a word,

then we start to question, oh, I'm going to hang on a minute, but

I think belonging means different things to

different people. So belonging. For

when we first think about the word belonging, we could be thinking about this sense

of wanting to be liked and appreciated and loved and visible and all

of these kind of things, but actually that individual

word and experience is very different. So your level

of belonging, not even level, but your version of belonging

is going to be very different to my version of belonging or a

celebrity's version of belonging. And I think that's the subtle difference

in that it's not like I'm the same as everybody else. It's that actually

my version of the thing. Cause I think belonging is something that a lot of

people aspire to have. That the family, the home, the

connection. I feel like there's some essence of that for everybody. Because

we're human beings. We all like to be liked. We're all social beings,

and we all like to be liked. But I think the variety of

that is different. The experience of that is very

different for everyone. I think it can

manifest when we're, especially when we're younger, to try and fit

into the different crowds. And, okay,

I'm going to become less of me so that they accept me.

This felt like I've

lived a lot of my life, and I think it's this sense

of, I am who I am and I'm

happy with who I am. And I know that I'm not meant to

be fitting in, but that isn't the same as, well. I

belong where I belong. Actually, as I moved through the weekend and

I was with women, some of them I knew, many of them I

didn't. They were all people that you would look at and go,

yeah, these people are. They know their stuff. They're doing

really well. They're making impact in the world and all

of this. And for

me, understanding, okay, what I want is

belonging actually allowed me to show more of

myself, because it's not the version of me that I feel

like I need to put on to belong with them. That's not what I

want. What I want is the whole of me and who I am

to be accepted or witnessed or

understood or at least acknowledged. And

actually, we can't do that if that part of us is hidden behind

what we think we should be. It was deep. Yeah.

A couple of things came up then, because I think

sometimes we think we're

not visible when we are, like, energetically. Like, I know

I've mentioned in the past where

maybe, like, a client's attracted to you, to work with you,

and you thought you weren't showing up as

the person that they thought you were, if that makes sense. So, like, you're attracting

clients to you, but you never expected this person to

be a client of yours because you never thought that they saw you in the

way that you feel inside, but you're not physically showing on the

outside. So I think sometimes we want to be more visible, but

also we are being visible just by the very nature of

who we are in our energetics and it's more about our

perception and belief of who we're showing up as. Yeah. And that's,

I think, what this is all about. When we speak about alignment, this is it.

This is like, how does my inner world and my outer world come

into that alignment? How do

I allow myself to be and express,

allowing myself to be and to express who I am without

fear of judgment, but yet still wanting to

be accepted? And I think

that what I witnessed as well was when my ego gets

in the way. And I love my ego. Like, I'm, I don't see ego

as a bad thing. I look at ego as

a part of us that wants to keep us safe.

Yeah, right. And it's the part of us that really helps

us to navigate through the world as a human. Right.

But when the ego gets in the way, it's pretty fragile.

The ego needs, like, a lot of reassurance and a lot, is

this okay? Is this right? Am I doing the right

thing? I'm not sure this is. And maybe we should just

not say that thing now. And so it's, it's

often, for me anyway, this commentary that runs in the back,

and when we listen to that is when we think, oh, no, I better

not, or, oh, no, what if? But when you

really land into what. When I heard that you want

belonging, it came from a part of me that wasn't my ego, it came

from this. It was almost like I could be all where it was in my

body. It was like lower down in the, like the depth of

my belly. And when I kept witnessing that and

going, it's okay, we're going to bring that to you.

The ego, even though at times it was shouting

the reassurance from that part of me

was, yeah, it was, it was reassuring.

The ego, rather than trying to fight it or bat it away, it was going,

it's all right, we can do this, and let's just see what happens. And come

along for the journey. Ego, you get to come, you get to

discover. I see egos, like, in my head is like

Hugo, the health and safety advisor who

has got his little checklist, and he's, nope, we can't do that today.

And what we're speaking about Reiki and what I love, particularly about the holy

fire Reiki system, is it talks about healing the

ego rather than transcending the

ego. You don't see that very often. This, how do I heal

the ego? And this is how we heal the ego. We understand what it is

that we really want. We understand what it is that ego is scared or

frightened of. And this is when we go into shadow work and into

fear work and into removing the barriers to greatness.

And we reassure it, we love

it, we say, it's okay. I thank you for trying to keep me

safe. Let's try this. And I'm reassuring you that

I'm going to keep you safe in another way. Like, we've

survived this far. It's almost like a transferring of roles, isn't it?

I'm going to protect you. Thank you for protecting me. I'm going to protect you.

Yeah. Let's do this together. Yeah. And I

feel like that, for me, that's been my journey for the.

Probably, at least for the last ten years and probably

since I had kids, it's been that the ego comes up a lot, I

think, when you, when you come into a new role. And for me, that was

that role of motherhood. And then as I stepped up in this role as

teacher and mentorship, there's other things. And

I feel now, having gone through the deepest layers

of my fears and some other things that came up for me,

one of which was,

what if I lead you wrong? Those words came up. It's like,

why aren't. What are you scared of? Why aren't you moving into the next level?

You. And for me, my inquiry was around my business and working

with, with people like you, working with other leaders and

mentors and healers and coaches and

dads and employees, and I'm working with real human

beings. And as I started to

break it down, I got this again, the same

sense, what if I lead you wrong? And

as I looked at that and it held so

much potency of also, what if I lead myself

wrong? What if I've been led wrong? A lot of the work that we do

is quite misunderstood, and it works with a

lot of faith. There's not that tangible, okay, I'm making

this thing, and here is the product. And look at this.

There's an intangibility around it, which you need to ground in

faith, otherwise. And so having this what if I lead you

wrong? Was coming up for me. I think, as a

shadow of, I'll work with this person and not this person,

or I'll step into this and go, yeah, but then now it's you

or, I work with other people, so we're halving the blame.

And then actually, as I realized that, I was like, this is gold. This

is keeping me humble, this is keeping me

assured of what I'm doing. This is helping me research other ideas. This

is golden. But until it came into my awareness

of, okay, this is something that I'm activating in its

shadow. It had a hold on me that I

didn't. Yeah. That wasn't serving anyone, really. Yeah.

So it's actually there to support you, to think as you go

through the different variations of whatever it is that you're

sharing with the world, the knowledge, your wisdom. Because there is that element of the

work that we do in the world out our kind of world, is that this

is what I believe this for today. I fully believe in it. I'm showing up

as a leader and I'm sharing this information. But what if

tomorrow? And we change our perspective all the time, right? Because our experiences are

changing all of the time. And I think it's just

that knowing that it's always okay if we've always come in from

that place of honesty, doing good work, trying to do nice things

in the world, being kind and helping people, that it's always coming from a place

of love. But that's not to say that we might sometimes get things wrong.

And if we get things wrong, that's okay. We might also

get things amazingly right. And then we grow even further in that

belief. And that also gives us more confirmation that the work that we're doing, it's

like when you start a membership or a product or a service and you may

be doing it for the first time with a group of people, it's in that

beta and you're like, I'm not even sure how this is going to unfold. And

the more that you do it, the more you get that confirmation that actually this

is good work. This is amazing. We can build on this. But before we

allow ourselves to do that, there's that trepidation, there's that

fear. And I think it's about being okay to not be okay.

That this is what I believe today and this is the good intentions I want

to bring forth into the world. And I'm not sure how it's going to unfold.

I'm going to trust myself and the process enough. And I trust the fact that

the people who are here to hear the messages of the work I want to

do in the world are also the right people for me to be doing this

with right now. And I think when we can be open about that conversation as

well with others, then magical things can happen. Because

we can, especially in the business world, we can ask for feedback, we

can find out how it was for them, we can reflect on it, we can

make things better. And also we can talk through the process. We

might start out doing one thing one way and then ten years down the line

we're doing think something in a very different way. But the journey and the experience

and the stories that we can tell in between those two points

is sometimes more powerful then the result,

the final thing that we're doing over here. But I think, yeah,

it's about being okay to. To believe in what we're believing in the

moment and know that we might. Our beliefs might change and that sometimes we get

it wrong and sometimes we get it magically and beautifully right.

And when we get it wrong, are we still getting it wrong? Yeah.

When we do come from that heart space and we go,

okay, I'm doing this and it's being done for the right reasons.

And I have the experience or the

training or the knowledge or the connection or

whatever it is, we need to be responsible with this work we're doing because it

is deep work. But when it comes from the

heart and when it comes from that good intention and when it comes from that

groundedness of yeah, I know this does

work and I'm going to trust this will work.

And if it doesn't work how I thought

it should, as long as I'm not causing any

harm, it's okay. Yeah. I'm having this

conversation in soul school in my Akashic records training.

So up until now, a lot of the work has been on

self. Yeah, we've been working on self

and journeying and doing the healing and

understanding who we are in our records

ourselves. And now it's fledglings. You are

ready to open the records of another person.

Right. And that was their homework

this month. And it's been interesting to see

the comments and the kind of the fears that are coming up. And

I said in the group yesterday, the fact that you're

afraid of doing this and

of getting it wrong tells me that you've got nothing to be afraid

of. It's. I have the responsibility.

Like what I said to them was this. We know that we're doing deep

work. Yeah. And I wouldn't have said to them

right now it's time to open the records for someone

else just because we are so many months into it. I've been.

I've been quite fluid with the curriculum in there is because I know

that they're ready. And the fact that there

is this, what if I lead them wrong? Tells me that they'll be

grounded enough and aware enough that they're

going to be responsible in the work that they do. This is where we

start. Yeah. You'd be worried if they weren't worried, right?

You'd be worried if they weren't worried. So this, when I came into this fear,

what if I lead them wrong? It's not a case

of me going, oh, no, I'm going to smash through that fear.

It's going, okay, where's the gold in that? And I can

see now, I can see the gold in that. But while it was on, it

was unspoken in me. Yeah,

there was a. And I did have an awareness of it in

some way, but maybe not in those words and not quite so

confrontational, but it now

will, and I can feel it already. It's manifesting in more

assuredness and more, okay, maybe I do need to

know something more about this. Maybe I do need to know a little bit more

research about this. Maybe I can find the alternative point of view on

this, not to bring doubt into what I'm doing, but to

give that more rounded, broad

point of view. Maybe what I do

know is that I feel so

much more landed in my body about the work that I'm

doing and the messages that I'm bringing,

which seems ironic. If I said to you, like, if you

were like a muggle, and I said to you, I discovered that my fear, what

I want is belonging, and I'm scared I'm going to lead you wrong.

Muggle friend would be like, okay, don't do this thing. Don't do this

thing. Just go and see what everyone else is doing and just do

that. And. And it's okay. And maybe just go and get all the

training in the world and so that you know everything

and then go and do it. Because you're right. The work that you're doing, you

could break people. And there's another. Whereas

what I'm feeling is I'm doing good work. Yeah.

I've spent my life training for this, and now who

am I not to do this? How am I ever going to find that belonging

if I sit behind a fear of. I've got this wisdom and

I'm not going to share it with you in case it's not right, because it's

going to be right. Like, it's going to be right for them in the moment

because that's how it works. Yeah, I love

that. And that trust that comes from that. It's so powerful.

I'm glad that you're sharing. I'm glad that you've had that experience because I think

a lot of listeners and myself as well, it's that reassurance if

you're someone who already does this kind of work in the world, it's that reassurance

that you're doing good. You're doing good work in the

world. You know what? We all have layers.

And I think sometimes you can be in

this position and just be like, yeah, I've got to also sorted. Yeah, so, fine,

yeah, but complacent. And actually, the work that we do, it is

so important that we go into our own energetics, that we

go into our own triggers, that we go into our own identity,

that we allow ourselves to move and grow and evolve. And

as we do this, then other people can look at it and go, okay,

they're doing this, and maybe I can do this, and maybe it's okay to come

on a podcast and tell people my deepest, darkest

fears, because me sharing this with you. Oh, what if I lead you wrong? Well,

that's not. If that's not your fear, you might not get the depth of that.

For me, but for me, that was what was sitting underneath all

of these things that I was doing, because that. And I knew that was

the right one because when it was presented, it was like, you

know, full body. That's

it. Yeah. Okay. Now I know. And now

I can see where it's moving back. And what I

would say if I know myself pretty well, like, I

do this work, this is the work that I do. It's not like I've gone

from zero to, oh, my God. But wherever you are in this,

there's always a little bit more inquiry. And sometimes just

sitting there or being with somebody or working with a

coach or a mentor or a therapist or a combination

of all of those things can

help you see your blind spots. Even though that's really scary,

and I know it is, when you do it, it is so

freeing. Yeah. It comes back to that safe

space to be able to do that with others, because we can do that

for ourselves. I think we can do a lot of the shadow work. We can

work on ourselves a lot in isolation. But I think when we're

presented with other people in a neutral setting, in a safe space where we allow

ourselves to share our deepest. Whatever's coming up and through, there's something very

liberating about that. It's almost like setting. It's free,

isn't it, in the world and other people holding a mirror up to us. And

that's it. I learned this weekend when I saw these other women

who, like I said, they're very successful.

And all the things that maybe we aspire to be. And

then you see their struggles and their

sharings and their kind of blind spots,

and there's a potency in that because

then it was like, we're all human and we're all going through the. Stuff,

and I think that naturally creates a sense of

belonging. I know I have been very open and

honest in my own communities about what's been going on for me

personally, because I'm a human being and, like, I need

support as much as I'm supporting them. And I think in

showing my vulnerabilities, it's allowing other people to also know that it's a

safe space for them to share when they're going through difficult times. But

I think certainly in this industry, sometimes a lot of coaches might be like,

everything's amazing. I'm like, fantastic. Nothing ever goes wrong in my world,

and it's just not. We're human beings. Things happen. We have

our ups and downs. So I think it's. It's very humbling and also

very. It is powerful when you see leaders leading. Like, I

know you went there with, you know, your mentors, as well, people

who you work with, and so just the very fact that they're also bringing people

along and you're bringing people along is a. An amazing space to be

in. Magical things happen. Magical things happen when

they face the darkness. Yeah. And I do

recommend it. And if you are a leader and you do

work with people, there's a balance. Like, you don't go around and, like, trauma

dump over everybody, like client, but being open

to that and going, okay, you know what? This

stuff happens, and this is what's happening for me and right now. And, yeah, I've

got all the tools in the world, and sometimes it's hard to use the tools

when you're in the middle of the thing. And actually,

as a. As the mentee, it

gives you that hope that, yeah, you know what? I know things go wrong in

my life because if you were always, everything's

fine. Because I do the spirit work. Nothing ever goes wrong.

You think you're broken. And I see this all the time. People are like, I'm

doing the affirmations and I'm talking to the angels and I'm

giving myself Reiki every day, but things are still going wrong. Am I doing it

wrong? And it's. No, you're doing the human experience.

These things aren't meant to be. Be like a

padded room where you're like, man, you just go sit in

there. Hello. Yeah, this is

part of it. And I think this is what the new wave of

leaders, healers, readers, guides are coming into. And

this is what it's stepping into. And you know what? It starts with us, with

you, with the listeners here of going, all right, do you

know what? I'm a human and I'm having this and I'm willing to

explore it so that I can keep on evolving. You do that,

in my opinion, you're fulfilling your mission on this earth. Yeah,

you've been of service by just doing your thing. See,

we got deep again. We did. So thank you for everyone

listening for being my. Being my therapist today and

witnessing my evolution. Thank you for being vulnerable as well, and thank

you for sharing that. And I'm sure a lot of people will get a lot

from that. And hopefully our listeners will get their own sense

of belonging, knowing that we were a safe podcast. I don't know what the word

is. We're a safe place for you to listen and get in contact with

us if you want to be part of our other world. So,

yes, if this has triggered anything in you, do you do

reach out? Sometimes when we voice it, it can really help.

Like you said, best set it free. So do get in touch. Let us

know. Let us know if this has inspired you or triggered you or anything else.

And yeah, we look forward to supporting you through our different ways.