Heather Shannon (00:01.486)

Hello, my friends. We are here with, dare I say our favorite guest, Susan Bratton, intimacy expert to millions and our most downloaded episodes as well. So, Suze is back with a pretty fun topic. I will let her introduce it a little bit, but we're gonna get into how to romance your lady and spice things up a little

@SusanBratton (00:05.726)

So.

@SusanBratton (00:26.586)

Yeah, thank you. I don't know whether it's just the incredible connection that you and I have or all the sexy stuff we talk about, or the fact that we both love to help people in monogamous pair bonds have super hot sex. Maybe it's all three. Maybe that's our, we're just so aligned in our, in our approach to things, which I love. And you're my number, you're the only therapist that I refer my clients to.

Heather Shannon (00:44.974)

Thank you.

@SusanBratton (00:55.812)

you are my referrer. I feel like because most of my clients are like how can I get my wife to have more sex with me? And I'm like well you need in your particular case you need therapy not sex techniques and bedroom communication skills and you need to ask a sex therapist Heather Shannon. Heather Shannon! That just sounds good doesn't it?

Heather Shannon (00:58.379)

Like, be still in my heart, it's so nice!

Heather Shannon (01:10.391)

you

Good night.

Heather Shannon (01:19.906)

you announce me every week.

@SusanBratton (01:20.926)

So today, when I was coming back on the show, and thank you for having me yet again, I love coming on with you, we learned from each other, which I really enjoy. And we are really aligned about things. And I thought, what the heck could I talk to you about that's really different, really novel that you're not gonna hear anywhere else? And I had been futzing around with my string bikini party.

Heather Shannon (01:33.432)

Mm-hmm.

Heather Shannon (01:38.368)

Mm-hmm.

@SusanBratton (01:48.261)

ebook, which is this really weird little ebook that I wrote quite a while ago. I one of the things that happened for my husband and I and now Tim and I have been together 34 years and our sex is better than it's ever been. But we were in a really rocky patch about a decade into our marriage. We almost got divorced. I wasn't having orgasms from intercourse. We went to therapists, regular marriage therapists and they could not help me.

Heather Shannon (02:04.738)

Mm-hmm.

@SusanBratton (02:15.292)

So we went to sex workshops and I started learning how to have orgasms right away. And God, I have to do a little aside. It's so funny. Yesterday, so I'm at my little beach house and I rent out my daughter's studio because she's in Australia right now getting her PhD, mom brag. And the young man who's renting her studio apartment from her while she's gone for four years, he had a date with his girlfriend.

Heather Shannon (02:33.5)

my god

@SusanBratton (02:43.734)

and I heard them having sex. I was lying in my bed above their living room and they were having sex and I heard her come. And I was like, I know exactly what kind of an orgasm she had listening to her come. It was so interesting. It was like, that was definitely a light clitoral stroke orgasm. And it's like, now it's like wine tasting where you're like, it has essence of.

Heather Shannon (02:51.286)

okay!

Heather Shannon (02:58.593)

Heather Shannon (03:02.734)

Okay. Yep.

@SusanBratton (03:08.752)

you know, terroir de goo. And it's like, that's a light clitoral stroke orgasm, you know, and then you hear the other ones, you're like, that that's anal right there. Or you can hear it, you can hear the difference between them.

Heather Shannon (03:21.198)

That's amazing. We're gonna have a new episode on that. Like how to detect the different orgasm types. I feel like I don't know half of them. I didn't even know. I'm like, I don't know if it feels good. That's great for me.

@SusanBratton (03:31.07)

Yeah, like all the sounds kind of like Birdsong, but orgasm song that women make that, you know, that's definitely G-spot right there. yeah, that's a deep cervical orgasm. I can tell.

Heather Shannon (03:36.034)

Yeah.

Heather Shannon (03:42.252)

Was it a real one? As long as it was a real one, like he's winning, so that's good.

@SusanBratton (03:47.679)

Yeah, he's a win. He won yesterday. John won yesterday for sure. John and Crystal had some good sex yesterday and I like hearing it. It makes me happy. I'm so glad that he's coming her well and she's going, oh, you know.

Heather Shannon (04:03.79)

of me imagining renting a place on your property and like how fun that would be. Oh, that's true.

@SusanBratton (04:07.934)

Well, they have to listen to me too. So, and that goes on a lot longer and it's a lot louder. So I'm sure I'm going to have positive downstream effect on their sex life. Yeah, I should, I should be like, well, with all the orgasmic auditory surround sounds you're going to be getting, that'll be 500 more a month.

Heather Shannon (04:18.542)

I don't think so. I feel like you should charge extra for that.

Heather Shannon (04:32.75)

Yeah. Yeah, they're very worth it.

@SusanBratton (04:37.02)

Mommy needs something for her lube budget.

Heather Shannon (04:42.158)

It's amazing.

@SusanBratton (04:44.766)

So we went to sex workshops and oh my god, it was so easy to orgasm. That's how I got into the business of producing passionate lovemaking techniques, bedroom communication skills, and then later on intimate wellness because I realized that the three legs of a stable stool are

Heather Shannon (04:47.95)

Yeah.

Heather Shannon (04:51.886)

Amazing.

Heather Shannon (05:08.078)

Alright.

@SusanBratton (05:09.096)

hot sex techniques. You got to know what you're going for. You got to know where the parts are. You got to know what the orgasm sound like, how to make them, know, communication skills. You got to know what you want, ask for it, share fantasies, you know, all those things. And you have to keep your parts working. So one of the things that I have done in publishing 44 books and programs, 34 of which are my own, 10 of which are from mentors who've passed their lineage down to me. I'm a lineage

Heather Shannon (05:19.83)

Okay.

Heather Shannon (05:37.55)

So cool.

@SusanBratton (05:39.135)

caretaker. That's how I think about some of the techniques that I teach, especially the orgasm practice, the expanded orgasm practice. And one of my mentors was a woman named Dr. Helen Fisher, and she was really interesting. She was an anthropologist at Rutgers University, and she was the author of some very famous books, The Anatomy of Love, Why We Love,

Heather Shannon (05:45.123)

Okay.

@SusanBratton (06:07.89)

Why him? Why her? And she had a relationship with Match.com. She was really hitting her peak. She was on television. She's been on television more than probably anybody, even Dr. Ruth. She was in Manhattan. She was beautiful. She was smart. She was a PhD. She was a psychotherapist. She was everything. She was beautiful and a great writer.

Heather Shannon (06:10.094)

Hmm.

Heather Shannon (06:21.239)

Wow.

Heather Shannon (06:33.314)

pack.

@SusanBratton (06:37.694)

was really in her prime during the time when Match.com was getting a big data set. And Match.com is a website for people who want to get married. They want to find their marital partner. And so she did a lot of data mining and research and she figured out that our personalities are composed of two types of traits. Traits of character.

developed through life experience, which makes sense, and types of temperament, 50 % of which stems from our biology. The traits of temperament, she says, they're heritable, relatively stable across your life course, and linked to specific genes, hormones, and neurotransmitter systems. So you might be testosterone-dominant, acetylcholine, serotonin-oriented, right? You so those things.

Heather Shannon (07:32.79)

Interesting. Okay. Yeah.

@SusanBratton (07:34.777)

make a difference in your romantic and sexual personality type. And she ended up sampling over 28,000 people and she came up with her four personality types, the explorers, the builders, the directors, and the negotiators. And I, at the time, was trying to figure out how to help the men who followed me because

I work with men and women. My sweet spot is pair bonds. dude and his lady who wanna have better sex and often they run into roadblocks. Like, Revive Her Drive was the last episode I did with you. It was all about how to understand how your woman is totally different than you are so you can meet her where she is rather than think there's some, and she'll think there's something wrong with her because she doesn't act like

Heather Shannon (08:15.042)

Mm-hmm.

@SusanBratton (08:33.348)

a man, you know, she doesn't have a man's libido and desire. And at the time what I was trying to do, I've worked with men and women, but I'm really good at helping guys understand how to move their woman toward her pleasure, her sexual satisfaction, her, you know, how to create the experiences that allow her to

Heather Shannon (08:37.069)

right.

Heather Shannon (08:52.79)

You are. Yeah.

@SusanBratton (09:01.602)

open, get over her shame, surrender to her pleasure, believe in her orgasmic capacity. So I like to create masculine sexual leaders. And men are very quantitative and analytic, much more than women. When I work with men, I give them data points, numbers and checklists. When I work with women, I tell them stories.

Heather Shannon (09:25.582)

You

@SusanBratton (09:28.358)

And I listened to their fears and their emotional processing. And I like the numbers, the checklists and the data for the guys, because you tell a guy what to do, you give him the five steps, he does it and it works because the human operating system is the human operating system. What I liked about what Helen did was she went deeper into the human operating system and looked at things like genotypes and neurotransmitters. And man, the more we know about them, the more we know they run us.

Heather Shannon (09:43.576)

Mm-hmm.

@SusanBratton (09:57.043)

So the more you can know about what your partner's type is, the more you can customize your sexual approach to her, which is brilliant, right? I mean, it really helps guys have a fighting chance at helping their women have incredible pleasure.

Heather Shannon (10:06.552)

Yeah, that's it.

Heather Shannon (10:12.91)

Right.

I was actually thinking about this earlier today. I mean, not this exact thing, but you know, the idea that men will sometimes like label their partners like, oh, she's just frigid. Oh, she's just whatever certain way and I'm like, no, she's not. You just haven't unlocked her yet. Yeah.

@SusanBratton (10:18.353)

You were?

Yeah.

@SusanBratton (10:33.148)

Right, right, right, right, right. We will pathologize rather than optimize. We tend to do that in our culture. Yeah, and this is definitely not pathologizing, this is optimizing what I'm bringing to you today, which I like too. And at one point, what I wanted to do, so one of the things that happened to Tim and I really early on, and a lot of my work comes from the fact that I was your wife. I'm not, I'm a sex expert now, but I was that woman.

Heather Shannon (10:40.918)

Yeah.

Heather Shannon (10:52.492)

Mm-hmm.

Heather Shannon (10:58.25)

Right.

@SusanBratton (11:03.366)

with her body shame and her lack of knowledge and, you know, lack of, you know, her insecurity around her orgasmic potential and her performance anxiety and, you know, her shame and all that crap that our society lays in. And I remember that Tim, and Tim, he's like every dude too, he is not unusual. He wanted me to wear really slutty high heels and lingerie.

Heather Shannon (11:31.651)

Mm-hmm.

@SusanBratton (11:32.167)

And by lingerie, I mean like a couple strings. I don't mean like a long flowing chemise of lace. I mean like slutty, slutty all capital letters enunciate every single letter of the words. Slutty. So, and I was like,

Heather Shannon (11:35.267)

Yeah.

Heather Shannon (11:53.698)

Yeah.

@SusanBratton (12:01.104)

I'm a feminist. I'm an executive. That's objectifying. I don't want to do that. That's disgusting. I'm not a slut. You know, I was doing all that pushback and he was like, I just want to see her titties. know, like that's what guys like. mean, look at all the porn. Porn is full of women in slutty lingerie and slutty stripper heels. When you go to a strip show,

Heather Shannon (12:16.59)

like please be a father.

Heather Shannon (12:27.949)

Yeah, so true.

@SusanBratton (12:30.51)

those girls are wearing the giant slutty heel. Guys like that for whatever reason that visual is very appealing to them. So over time one of the things Tim did was he would he gave me an unlimited lingerie and slutty shoe budget. He started out with

Heather Shannon (12:39.382)

Mm-hmm.

@SusanBratton (12:54.558)

you can buy as many shoes as you want. Cause he, I remember he would get really, when I wasn't having enough sex with him, he was cranky and I'd come home with a pair of shoes, even though it was my money, you know, it was our money. I was earning, I was earning plenty of money. I'd come home with a pair of shoes and he'd be like, pair of shoes. And so he said to me, is there any possibility that you could have sex with me in every pair of shoes that you buy? And I'm like, okay, if that makes you feel better. And I remember I brought home a pair of.

Heather Shannon (13:04.396)

Yeah. Right. Yeah.

@SusanBratton (13:22.864)

vans or something and I'm like even these you want to have sex you want me to have sex in these things like of course I do I want to have sex with you in everything I'll take whatever I can get like he was still a beggar with a bowl you know so I remember I screwed him a couple of times in like hiking boots and sneakers and stuff you know and then finally

I bought a sexy pair of shoes and he went nuts over it. And then I bought a little lingerie thing and he went nuts over it. I was like, you know what? I actually kind of like this lingerie stuff. It's kind of fun. And then I got my unlimited lingerie, unlimited lingerie budget. And he never once complained about any lingerie that I bought. He would buy me things, but I wouldn't like them. They didn't fit. They were scratchy. I'm a really sensitive person and you know, lingerie is so scratchy. I've had it with lingerie that's scratchy.

Heather Shannon (14:07.894)

Hey.

Heather Shannon (14:14.414)

I hear that.

@SusanBratton (14:15.054)

And so I just started buying it and wearing it and then he was so happy. And even to this day, I will put on lingerie. I won't put on the high heels. I only lay down in those now. I don't like to walk around in them. They're too glompy and stuff, but I'll put on lingerie and an apron and cook him dinner. Now I cook at my house. I'm a cook. I like to feed my people. I just do. Yeah.

Heather Shannon (14:35.734)

It's like, I think that's fantasy. Yeah, you look actually good, Chuck. Yeah. I've seen your meals online. They look good.

@SusanBratton (14:44.21)

They're so, I mean, my girlfriend came over the other night and she had dinner and all I made was like, I don't know, we made grilled swordfish and some Romanesco with butter and salt and pepper and some baked yams or something. And she's like, this is the best thing I ever had. And I'm like, what are you even eating? Like this is, it was the simplest thing possible, but. So I'll get dressed up in lingerie for him. I'll wear lingerie when we're having sex. He loves it so much.

Heather Shannon (15:01.262)

You

@SusanBratton (15:13.788)

So my heart was breaking for all of the guys who I knew were just like my horny horn dog husband, because, you know, they're all horny hooligans, all of them, if they're good. I wouldn't even want a husband who's not a horny hooligan. I like that about men. I want them to want me. I want them to be horny hooligans. I love that about them. But they get shut down by that a lot. And I feel bad for them. So I'm like, aha, I've got it.

Heather Shannon (15:28.886)

Yeah.

@SusanBratton (15:43.155)

I'm gonna create this thing where I give them a string bikini, they just have to pay the shipping, because the bikinis weren't expensive and I bought them in bulk and I warehouse them. And I wrote a couple of eBooks and one of the eBooks was String Bikini Party. And what I did was I took Dr. Helen Fischer's four sexual romance personality types and I made up ways, depending on which one of these four ways, which one of these models your partner was,

Heather Shannon (15:50.764)

Yeah. Right.

@SusanBratton (16:12.392)

how to get her to put on the string bikini. And it was funny because I have a wide variety of customers with a wide variety of wives. And when I say wide, I mean wide. I've got some guys who are making love to some very large women.

Heather Shannon (16:20.492)

You do!

Heather Shannon (16:31.726)

Mmm.

@SusanBratton (16:32.446)

and I had to find the perfect thing. And there were a couple of guys who bought my string bikini and they're like, the strings don't quite fit around her. And I'm like, I'm sending you another bikini, cut the strings off, sew them or tie them on and you'll get it around her. Cause literally it's one piece of strip that basically barely even covers up the vestibule of your vulva. And it's...

Heather Shannon (16:43.329)

Mm-hmm.

Heather Shannon (16:54.904)

Like the whole thing's a technicality anyways.

@SusanBratton (16:57.342)

two little triangles around your nipples. Like there ain't nothing to this bright blue string bikini. Now since then, I can't get them anymore and I don't give them away anymore. So I'm not here trying to get you to get my string bikini, but you can go buy a string bikini on Amazon for like $3 and get the one your wife likes. This is not about the bikini. It's about how to get her to willingly wear it so you can drool and then have sex with her.

Heather Shannon (17:10.574)

Attention with the key.

Heather Shannon (17:23.597)

Yeah.

Heather Shannon (17:28.418)

You how you like have empathy for the guys with their sexual frustration too. You do.

@SusanBratton (17:32.414)

I have empathy for everybody. Hey, what makes us, where do we have a similarity? We have a highly compassionate heart and we hold a vision for what is possible and we help people with the tools to achieve intimate pleasure that lasts their whole life long. You and I are kindred spirits in this. Yeah.

Heather Shannon (17:51.192)

Yeah.

That's true. I know. think working with men has also really helped me see, because growing up, the message I got, and probably a lot of women, was like, men are only after one thing, and you should not give it to them. If you're a respectable woman, you don't do that. And so, yeah, really seeing that, OK, they're not after one thing. They actually get so much out of sex. They need to feel wanted, especially because men are kind of cut off at the knees with

expressing emotions to like sex is so much about like how men feel close and connected and accepted and belong. There's so much to it. It's not superficial. It's not a bad thing. You know, so just wanted to reframe that for any women listening in.

@SusanBratton (18:36.292)

Exactly. And if you are a woman listening to the stories I'm about to tell, the sexy stories I'm about to tell, I want you to pick out your favorites and decide what kind of a romantic sexual person you are from these three models or four models. And just, you know, that will help your partner love you more.

Heather Shannon (18:58.934)

OK, after you share them, I'm going to guess which one you are and which one I am.

@SusanBratton (19:02.983)

fun. Okay, good. I might be like the erotic blueprints where I'm the shape shifter and I'm like, you can just do them all to me.

Heather Shannon (19:07.948)

Yee-hoo!

Heather Shannon (19:11.708)

really easily so all of them please

@SusanBratton (19:14.578)

think generally women get bored. you kind of bust our cherry and turn us into, you know, slutty good girls who love to have sex and feel really good about our sexuality, and we see how it empowers us, we do want more variety. We want to try a lot. But it's that's the big, that's the big heavy lift.

Heather Shannon (19:25.048)

No.

Mm-hmm.

Heather Shannon (19:34.958)

where you just get over the hump. Yeah, it is a heavy lift. mean, it's interesting like hearing kind of where you came from and knowing where I came from, where I was just like, so uncomfortable. I was so fearful about sex. it's yeah, if Susan I can get over it. Other women can get over it.

@SusanBratton (19:39.132)

Yeah.

@SusanBratton (19:52.327)

Yeah, and you're going to help her. All right, so let's talk about explorers. This is for the adventure seeker. Heather's like, this might be me. She might get bored easily. And you can think about this out of the bedroom, doesn't necessarily have to be in the bedroom. She's impulsive and she likes novelty. She'll try new things. She's curious, mentally flexible and very creative. If she's like that, she's an explorer.

Heather Shannon (19:59.695)

Mmm.

Mm-hmm.

@SusanBratton (20:21.894)

And one of the things that I was thinking would be really fun for an adventure seeker and explorer is a spontaneous dare where she, you give her the string bikini, she puts it on for you and then you have a bed wrestling match to see if you can get it off of her.

rolling around on the bed, pushing against each other, squeezing and holding her, catching her and releasing her, these turn women on. Catch and release is a classic seduction and pick up strategy. Because when you squeeze a woman and let her go, she's like, wait, don't stop squeezing, squeeze me more, you stop squeezing. So that's really cute. Here's another one.

Heather Shannon (20:49.708)

Mm-hmm.

Heather Shannon (20:55.011)

Yeah.

Heather Shannon (21:04.408)

you

@SusanBratton (21:12.104)

Tell her you have a present in your pants for her and make her find it blindfolded with her hands tied.

Heather Shannon (21:20.43)

Oh, that's challenging. I see what direction this might go in though.

@SusanBratton (21:29.278)

Take her to a nude beach, have her warm her beautiful body in the sunshine while she's wearing her string bikini and getting ogled by passersby and then take her home and shower her off and ravish her.

Heather Shannon (21:35.085)

Mm-hmm.

@SusanBratton (21:49.074)

That's kind of cute.

Heather Shannon (21:49.326)

That's great anticipation and build up. Love that.

@SusanBratton (21:52.229)

and exhibitionism, which many men want to show their wives off. They're like, look at my bitch in a string bikini with hard titties hanging out. That makes a guy feel good that he's got a slutty, know, exhibitionist woman. Some men love that. Have her wear the string bikini under her clothes while you take her out for dinner.

Heather Shannon (21:58.639)

True.

@SusanBratton (22:19.08)

Keep sliding your hand up her skirt under the table and brushing your arm against her breasts and nipples. Then take her home and have her do a really dirty strip tease for you before you give her the best sex of your life.

Heather Shannon (22:37.058)

Okay.

@SusanBratton (22:39.07)

So those are four ideas. And one of the things I would add, I don't know if you've seen this, but I have a new sex toy I really like. And I know you know me, you know me. I got a good vibe as they say. So this is called the Luxher. I'll get you a link for this to put in the show notes. And it's a little...

Heather Shannon (22:47.694)

This does not surprise me unless you

Heather Shannon (22:55.713)

Yeah.

@SusanBratton (23:06.14)

vibrator that is small and rounded, kind of like a cup, and it cups onto the mons venus, which is the top of the pubic, like the top part of the pubic hair. It cups on there and it comes right down to a point right on her clitoral hood and shaft. So it gives her an incredible clit boner and it has this silicone pad that will literally just stick right on her mons.

Heather Shannon (23:09.038)

You

Heather Shannon (23:34.35)

This is kind of genius. I've never seen anything quite like this one.

@SusanBratton (23:37.501)

and it's like a panty vibrator and it has a really good app and the app itself can be operated by you. So she can put this in her string bikini when you take her out to dinner and you can give her orgasms at the table. And then when you come home, you can bring it home.

Heather Shannon (23:39.682)

Yeah!

Heather Shannon (23:49.07)

Mm-hmm.

@SusanBratton (24:03.974)

and she can wear it with this little harness and it will stay right around her thighs and hold on. And then you, this goes on her, you'll have to watch the video for this, I guess. You get this little penis ring. It's not like a, it's not a constriction ring. doesn't, you know, hold in your blood, trap in blood or anything. It's just.

a ring you wear on your penis that has a magnet that has a proximity sensor to this little vibrator. And what's cool about it is that when you're thrusting into her, it makes the vibrator go more intense. And as you kind of pull out a little, it calms down. So you're zh, zh, zh, like this. And she's going, oh, oh.

Heather Shannon (24:52.652)

the technology on

@SusanBratton (24:58.972)

like this as you're fucking her. And it's so much fun to do this little vibrator while you're having intercourse. And that can be really, really fun for her. So I'll give you a link for that for your show notes for this episode. And people can grab that. And that's a really fun toy too, because it toggles the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system. And when you kind of give sensation and pull away a little bit,

Heather Shannon (25:00.876)

Yeah.

@SusanBratton (25:27.514)

This is a technique that I've been teaching from another one of my mentors called Dr. Patty Taylor, and it's called peaking. And when you peek, that vibrator does peaking automatically with that proximity sensor where when you give it to her and then you pull back a little bit, it makes her lean in and want more. And so it amplifies her arousal, which is really cool.

Heather Shannon (25:53.258)

Yeah. I like that. It's like the catch and release, but right in the bedroom.

@SusanBratton (25:58.356)

Very similar to catch-in-and-release. Yeah, these things are toggles. That's what I call them. Okay, so the builder. Maybe you married or you were in a relationship with a builder. If your lady is orderly, methodical, cautious, conscientious, and respectful of authority, that's not me, I can tell you that. Fail, this is not us. But if you're married, you're actually married to a real good girl, not Susan and Heather.

Heather Shannon (26:03.853)

I that.

Heather Shannon (26:19.34)

Yeah, we both failed this one.

Heather Shannon (26:28.334)

who I see though in my practice. yeah.

@SusanBratton (26:30.897)

A lot of people that come to you are gonna be married to good girls. This is gonna be a big one for your listeners because they're there because she's stuck in the good girl paradigm. So go with it, don't fight it. So try this out. Light candles at the dinner table and surprise her with a string bikini. Tell her to put it on for you, turning her into dessert.

Stash some string bikinis in your suitcase for a Caribbean cruise or a night of hot hotel sex so you're taking her on an adventure. Try surprising her by hanging one on the bathroom mirror or the headboard of the bed with a little note saying, I'm so turned on, fantasizing about you wearing this for me, you sexy lady. It's so cute. Could you imagine if you walked into your bedroom and there's a little lingerie or a string bikini hanging on your headboard?

Heather Shannon (27:24.926)

Yeah, I would let's do a side note for the women though because I can imagine being a woman and being like I don't put this on like what if doesn't even look good on me and now he's like got his hopes up. What if she feels pressure?

@SusanBratton (27:36.232)

One of the reasons I picked a string bikini is because it's nearly one size fits all. So it's three little triangles. It literally can't not fit, you tie it on. This is the beauty of the string bikini, the legend of the string bikini. It's gonna fit everybody. It's gonna fit the, I had to find something that was like the patiniest thing to the glamazoniest thing.

Heather Shannon (27:41.27)

Yes.

Heather Shannon (27:47.214)

you

Heather Shannon (27:51.203)

Right.

Heather Shannon (27:57.282)

We just have to.

@SusanBratton (28:04.309)

And that's why strings for the win.

Heather Shannon (28:07.81)

Okay, all right, good note.

@SusanBratton (28:09.393)

So it's just gonna barely cover anything up. Lay all, and the other thing that I offered was a grab bag of string bikinis. So when a guy got the free string bikini, I had a grab bag with five other styles of string bikinis. And so he could acquire that. So when you're on Amazon and you're picking up a string bikini, if you've got a builder, you might wanna buy a sampler of string bikinis for her. Lay out all five of the grab bag bikinis on the bed with her sexiest high heels, light some candles.

Heather Shannon (28:11.523)

Yeah.

@SusanBratton (28:38.655)

put on music that gets her in the mood. Then tell her you have a surprise for her. Cover her eyes before you lead her into the bedroom. Lead her to the bedroom, take off, remove your hands from her eyes, hold her from behind. How you whisper in her ear how sexy she is for you. Right, I mean, it's so sweet. These are very sweet. Builder is sweet.

Heather Shannon (29:02.606)

reinforcement too of like the good girl like it's sort of implied like so good you did that you know look at you fucking rules yeah it's cute

@SusanBratton (29:09.373)

Yep, I like that.

It's so precious, I think. Okay, now here's the director. Is she analytical? Maybe she's a finance manager, you or she's an AI. Does she pay deep attention to detail? Does she like to go down rat holes into the finest details? Is she more of an introvert? Those personality types tend to go together. You and I both know people just like that. We can think of them. They're easy to identify.

Heather Shannon (29:38.936)

caseload too, yeah.

@SusanBratton (29:40.426)

Tell her you've just gotten her five string bikinis and you want her to you a private fashion show. You want her to turn a full circle around in each bikini and also bend over so you can see her ass in every one because you need to do a very thorough inspection. We're leaving no butt cheek unturned.

Heather Shannon (30:04.318)

using some kinks into this. There's a little bit of like the dominant leadership there. I like that. We're really attacking this from several angles. Yeah.

@SusanBratton (30:12.113)

In the end, you want her to tell you what she's gonna do to you in bed. Tell her you'll give her a grade based on how well she does. And if she fails, she's gonna get a spanking. And if she passes, she's gonna get two spankings.

Heather Shannon (30:35.18)

This is great. This is what I'm really enjoying too. like the, it is leaning into the like being a good student, being analytical and you know, the funnishment, you know, of succeeding.

@SusanBratton (30:45.957)

Exactly. You can see why these work for these different types. So here's the last one. Is your lady more of an extrovert? If she's talkative, if she's intuitive around people, if she remembers emotional experiences, she's likely a negotiator. So one of the things that she might like is a string bikini party with her girlfriends.

Heather Shannon (30:50.029)

I got ya.

Heather Shannon (30:57.838)

you

@SusanBratton (31:14.193)

Invite your closest sex positive friends over. Put on a throbbing playlist, light some candles, mix up some drinks, and choose your favorite game. Girls on one side, boys on the other. Maybe spin the bottle, you tell me. The winners get to choose whether they or the losers can keep wearing their bikinis. I really can see young people doing this.

Heather Shannon (31:31.053)

What?

@SusanBratton (31:43.455)

I think 20 year olds would totally do this. They like to party together, they like to wear slutty things, they like to get fucked up together, they like to hang out together. A lot of times in poly communities, these types of things can be really fun.

Heather Shannon (31:58.063)

I definitely know people who would do that one, yeah.

@SusanBratton (32:01.148)

Yep. If it's just the two of you though, you can get her a little tipsy or not, it's up to you. And then with her permission, you can blindfold her, strip her down, put the string bikini on her. And as you're rubbing your hands all over her, whisper in her ear, three things you think are the sexiest about her in that string bikini. So this is like auditory pleasure.

removing visual pleasure. So especially if she's an auditory person or a kinesthetic person, she's going to love this. For example, I love that there's a tiny little itty bitty strip of fabric that barely covers anything. And I get to see your whole body, even though you're technically wearing clothing, I find you so tantalizing.

I love that you're willing to be my slutty little wife. You're not a prude. You're a fun, sexy woman. I love when you dress up in an outfit like this. It's a signal to me that you're ready to play, that you're ready for some fun, sexy times together. So it's just reinforcing in simple ways her positive behavior.

Heather Shannon (33:16.77)

Yeah. Words of affirmation. Yeah. I like words of affirmation. Touch is my number one, but words of affirmation is the close second. Touch. Yeah. What are your?

@SusanBratton (33:22.879)

Me too.

What's your number one? Touch, yeah. Well, I like it when you have your hands on me, you're giving me gifts, you're telling me what you love about me, you're telling me the dirty things you're gonna do for me. I mean, like, I want it all. I don't wanna have to choose, just want everything.

Heather Shannon (33:34.816)

you

Heather Shannon (33:42.594)

That could be your next thing. Make a scenario where all five love languages are happening in the bedroom at the same time. I love that.

@SusanBratton (33:48.24)

Exactly, that sounds good to me too. So I just think that, you know, these are just ideas for getting things going. But one of the things I like about them is that you're creating an opportunity, you're using masculine sexual leadership, you're thinking about what your woman would most like to have as an experience.

You're using your words, you're doing gifts, you're creating environments, you're setting up the lover space, you're encouraging your woman, you're telling her she looks beautiful. It's creating this fun, sexy opportunity. just, I mean, and I think that for most guys, they're probably, where they are is I'm mad at her because she won't wear lingerie. And where they could be is she's blindfolded and finding a string, digging a string bikini out of your pants with her teeth.

Heather Shannon (34:16.149)

you

Heather Shannon (34:40.078)

Which one do you guys want? Such a hard decision, right?

@SusanBratton (34:44.831)

It's funny too because I'm down here at my beach house as I said and because we're recording here in the summer and I used to wear one-piece suits in my 30s and 40s even in my early 50s and now in my 60s I wear string bikinis to the beach. I don't care if you don't like

the way I look, look away, I look pretty good. And I love to go out for a swim with my husband and let my titties bounce around in the waves. He can barely stand it. And it's just so much fun for him to be able to see that. Men love to see our fleshy bits.

Heather Shannon (35:32.985)

It's true. And I mean, I think that's one of the best things about getting older is just like you give zero fox anymore, like what people think. And it's like, thank God, because it's exhausting hearing someone what other people think. So I mean, maybe people listening, maybe you're not quite at Sue's level yet. But could you push yourself a little bit? Could you be like, I'm going to wear something a notch or two sexier than what I normally would have, or a notch or two more revealing than what I would have. And then you'll see that it's actually great. And then you'll continue on your merry way.

@SusanBratton (35:37.993)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yes.

@SusanBratton (36:00.052)

Yes, exactly.

Heather Shannon (36:02.774)

I love that. And I think what all of these things that you're sharing, you know, it's, it's really showing thoughtfulness. It's showing to your female partner, hey, I see you, I know what would work for you. Hey, I know you're probably like exhausted from like mental emotional labor. So I'm going to decide things for you. And I will take leadership. So I think that is sort of even an act of service, you know, so it's like, yes, you're doing these fun techniques, but you're really kind of like taking some burden away from her.

also and giving her some fun.

@SusanBratton (36:34.185)

You what's in my dishwasher right now? A sacred squirter glass G-spot wand. It's nuts. Look, and I got it at that Stimulate show. You gotta go with me next year. And it looks like a tongue that's also like a genie lantern. It's like a tongue with knobs on it.

Heather Shannon (36:47.608)

I know I have to go.

Heather Shannon (36:54.83)

feel like I've seen this before maybe. Did you say this man had a glass? Okay, I'm thinking of something else.

@SusanBratton (36:59.134)

Yeah.

Yeah, it's glass G-spot wand. And we tried it the other night and I was like, I don't know, I'm not sure. It's okay, but I don't love it. But it's only the first time. We have to do it again. And so this morning when we got up, I had washed it in the sink, but it still had like pussy juice on it. And I was like, oh, this thing's got a lot of nooks and crannies. I think I'm gonna put it in the dishwasher. So I said to my husband,

Heather Shannon (37:11.35)

Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. Yeah.

@SusanBratton (37:25.779)

Do you think this is dishwasher safe? And he's like, yeah, I think we can run this through the dishwasher. He's like, so you're willing to try it again. And I was like, yeah, you know me. I always give everything three tries. I mean, the first time we use it, it's brand new. We don't know what we're doing. We're not good at it yet. We're just figuring it out. The second time, we're like, I see the potential. The third time, you're like, that's going into rotation. And I only say that to end the show with that because that's the spirit.

Heather Shannon (37:35.509)

I love that.

Heather Shannon (37:47.63)

You

@SusanBratton (37:55.818)

for your sex life, trying new things and they're not gonna work perfectly the first time. when you, whatever you decide to do with this, know, archetypes of sexuality and the string bikini party and all the silly little stuff we talked about today, what I hope that Heather and I leave you with is, I just gotta, I gotta put myself out there. I just gotta give some shit a try. I gotta throw some things against the wall.

Heather Shannon (37:56.632)

Yep.

@SusanBratton (38:22.939)

Some of it's gonna make it, some of it isn't, but that's what keeps our new relationship energy thrumming.

Heather Shannon (38:30.892)

Yep, absolutely. It's almost exactly what I say also, that I'm like, you're going to try some shit, and half of it's going to work, and half of it might not. But guess what? Now you have 10 new things that do work. Before, you would have had zero. So we have to allow ourselves to be beginners. And I think it's helpful hearing that from someone like you, because you're not a beginner, Soothe. But you allow yourself to be a beginner with a new toy. Therefore, you wind up with a great frickin' sex life.

So we just have to stop thinking we should have it all figured out or that everything should work perfectly.

@SusanBratton (39:01.065)

Right, feel that much more than women do. Men feel like they should know how to do everything before they start. Women don't feel that way. So that's really the masculine that needs to make sure that he doesn't feel like there's anything wrong if it didn't go perfectly, because that's just literally how it works.

Heather Shannon (39:19.182)

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And I mean, think also if you're partnered with a man, that you got to make him feel safe too. Make him feel safe to try some stuff and know that it doesn't all have to be figured out ahead of time. Thank you, Suze. So if people are like, hey, how do I get more Susan Bratton in my life? This is pretty awesome. Where can they connect with you?

@SusanBratton (39:32.969)

Well said.

@SusanBratton (39:43.764)

That's lovely of you to ask, thank you. I'm at betterlover.com. I write a newsletter with all kinds of, this is the kind of shit I write. Fun ideas to have good times in the sack. And very different because really what I'm doing is I'm creating opportunities, not solving problems. Although I solve problems, what I like to do is create opportunities. And you can find me at betterlover.com. I have a newsletter there that I send out twice a week.

with tons of free things and ideas. And I've been doing it for two decades. It's quite popular. I have over 300,000 people who are my readers, some of whom have been with me for decades, which is very lovely. I just have the most wonderful group of fans, if you will.

And so if you come to Better Lover and you get all my newsletter and you ever have any questions for me, you're welcome to send me an email. I get a lot of inbound follower email and I'm always happy to point you in the right direction, solve a problem, what have you.

Heather Shannon (40:46.415)

that. That's amazing. Well, thank you for being here again. We love having you and thank you everybody for listening and we will catch you next week on another episode of Ask the Sex Therapist.

@SusanBratton (40:49.321)

Yeah.