Hello Hello and welcome to the Borealis experience on

host of The Life Coach and companion on this beautiful

journey called life. LPC good. Love to end inspired and safe.

And if you're not feeling quite well at the moment, I hope I can

bring you some light, some lightness and love and yeah,

alleviating feelings of loneliness. Last time I talked

about the importance of acknowledging your feelings,

knowing what your feelings mean, how they get triggered, how

something or someone can evoke feelings within you is so

incredibly important. Because when you know yourself, when you

know what you know, upsets you, or lights you up, or turns you

off, or turns you on, it's just so much easier to make

decisions. You will pick people and choose friends. People, you

want to be in contact with people you want to be working

with more consciously. And in doing that, you will just enjoy

life so much more. Once you know what you want, who you are, you

make better decisions that are in alignment with your values,

you are a happier person. And a happier person is a loving

person, a compassionate person, a curious and open minded

person. And the more we are curious and open minded, the

more we affect the people around us, the community in an a

powerful, positive way. And that's my mission here. To help

you unlock your potential to help you heal from past stuff

that you still might be carrying around and to become more self

aware. Self awareness is really the key to success. Because once

you become aware of your blind spots, once you realize the

mistakes that you've made in the past and learn from them, right

not to live in regret, but to learn from mistakes, you are

moving forward in a very empowered and conscious way. And

that's just so beautiful to witness. And, yeah, that is what

I'm doing with my podcast here with my coaching with my

retreats that I'm hosting with my classes that I'm teaching,

and I'm just so incredibly grateful for all the beautiful

people I'm attracting into my physical space, called the year

experience. If you haven't checked it out yet, please check

it out. You can see and learn everything about it online,

Aurora, Eggert coaching.com or pay me a visit. And we'll spend

some time in the forest by the ute by the fire and the year I

meant. So today I want to talk about your needs and having your

needs met. If if you don't know what your needs are, if you

don't know what your values are, it will be very, very hard for

you to navigate through life. You can navigate through life

but you will bounce from one experience to another aimlessly

like traveling and meet people that might serve you but also

meet people that might harm you. You need to find out what your

values are. What are the five let's say five values that you

want to adhere to no matter what. And then making decisions

based on that picking people you want to spend time with based on

that. And learning to express your needs because people cannot

guess them. People need to know what makes you tick, what sets

you off. And most importantly, you need to know what your needs

are people who don't know what their needs are and still enter

relationships Usually past the lovey dovey phase, the big chaos

and drama sets in, because especially romantic

relationships, will bring out your shadows, like your blind

spots, your stuff that you haven't worked on, and your

partner will turn from a lover, that is exciting to meet into a

trigger monster, want to call it and set you off on a regular

basis, and you will do the same with him or her as well. So if

you don't know what you need, from yourself from the world,

from your job from your relationships, then life is

incredibly hard because it's so unpredictable. And very chaotic.

The better you know your values and your needs, the more clear

your path is. And the more enjoyable life is. And like I

said earlier, to learn to express your needs in a way that

people can understand you and want to listen to you to express

and set boundaries in a way that people want to listen to, is

extremely valuable. That's when emotional intelligence also

comes into play, to regulate your nervous system and your

emotions. And to express yourself in a way that people

understand who you are, and what you're made of, and what you

need and what you don't need in your life. Excuse me, the more

we live a life that is unconscious, right, where we're

just drift from one side of the shore to the other. And we're

kind of flowing with the river, but don't know where the journey

is taking us. The more it's going to be difficult for you to

have relationships, and relationships that are nurturing

and supporting. Because people don't know who you are. They're

just going to go about their life and love you the way they

think is good for you to be loved. But that might not be

what you need and want. So you then wake up in a relationship

and you realize, oh my god, like what have I done all these

years? Why am I stuck in this? And where was I was I asleep for

so many years and now I'm you know in my 70s or 80s.

So, to know how to express yourself in a way that people

can adapt to you or work around you or work with you is

extremely

crucial. And your needs are sometimes how do I say this

best. Your very like genuine genuine core needs are formed in

your childhood. And if you had a very, you know smooth childhood,

you're very easy going and you know how to feel loved and give

love and everything is smooth. But if your childhood has been

somewhat dysfunctional, and difficult, you might still base

your adult needs on childhood pain and trauma that happened.

Let me give you an example. A child who feels abandoned

because the mother has to take care of the sibling more often

than she used to because the sibling is sick now. The child

feels abandoned and doesn't really know how to express their

discomfort and pain is feeling so it starts to throw tantrums

and starts to become loud it starts to break things at starts

to behave in a way that is very difficult to understand as an

outsider but for the child it's just a desperate way to

communicate to the Mother Hey, I need to I want to spend time

with you. And can we find ways to make make this happen? Right,

this is how an adult would express a need for connection.

But a child doesn't do that a child doesn't know how to

communicate effectively, quite yet, but still expresses the

pain in a way that it is very clear that something is off. But

oftentimes, we don't know what the child really means. And as

an adult, you have to learn that throwing a tantrum and breaking

things and screaming around and being aggressive is not going to

get you anywhere and are accepted to jail, or have people

file divorce, you have to learn to identify what's rubbing you

the wrong way. And then express it in a way that people have an

easy to understand you and you have to trust that people who

love you want to understand you, and then will, you know,

accommodate the need or find a solution or compromise. A person

who has no interest but you being a nice, you know, little

trophy as a relationship partner. You can identify then

if you express your needs on it in a very honest and vulnerable

and genuine manner, then this needs should be met if that

person loves you. But yeah, knowing your needs, knowing how

to express them and not expressing them from a place of

wounded childhood wound, a teenager, wounded person who

went through heartbreak is extremely crucial. And I'm gonna

go into more depth in the next couple of episodes here because

I feel there's a lot of people who showed interest, especially

in my intimacy classes that I host for individuals and

couples. How do we create intimacy? Once that spark is

gone? How do we break down the walls that were built around our

hearts because we feel our needs are not met. We need to feel

heard. We need to feel understood. We need to feel

loved. And we can only do that when we feel that people

understand what our needs are. Yeah, I think I'm going to leave

you with this. I'm going to send you out with so much love and I

promise I will keep talking about this topic that is very

dear to me and take really good care of yourself. Until next

time, bye bye