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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: What if the key to finding your forever partner isn't about swiping harder or settling for nice, but about finally elevating the relationship you have with yourself?

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: In today's episode, our guest shares her journey from being lost in the south of France to becoming a certified coach who helps women stop wasting time on almost right men.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And instead, meet the match who truly fits. Hi, and welcome to the UWorld Order Showcase Podcast, where we feature life, health, transformational coaches and spiritual entrepreneurs

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Stepping up to be the change they seek in the world. I'm your host, Jill Hart, The Coach's Alchemist, on a mission to help coaches and entrepreneurs amplify their voice, monetize their mission, and get visible.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Leveraging Podcasts and Substack.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Today, we are chatting with Lena Ehrenberg. Lena is a certified life and relationship coach dedicated to helping women transform their love lives from being frustrating to fulfilling. Her own journey began in the south of France, where she first realized she had the power to choose how her story would unfold.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: What started as a search to improve every relationship, especially the one she had with herself, has evolved into her mission to guide women in dating with clarity and confidence.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Lena believes we are at a crossroads in how we approach relationships, and that now is the time to step up, elevate, and connect more deeply. Welcome to the show, Lena. It's great to have you with us.

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lena: Thanks so much, it's wonderful to be here.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Alright, let me ask you the big question, are you….

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lena: Yep.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: What's the most significant thing, in your opinion, as individuals, we can do to make an impact on how the world is going?

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lena: I think that we all can.

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lena: And need to strengthen the relationships we have with ourselves.

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lena: First and foremost. They are our foundations. They are… They're what hold us up.

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lena: And…

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lena: that's what's holding up all of our other relationships. And when I talk about relationships, I'm not talking just about romantic relationships, it's not about dating.

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lena: Living with someone, being married.

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lena: Everything in life is a relationship. We have relationships with not only with other people, with family, and friends, and business associates, and acquaintances.

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lena: I have a lovely relationship with the cashier that I see most regularly at my local grocery store, right? But we also have relationships with concepts. We have relationships with money.

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lena: We have relationships with business, In general, we have relationships with health, with our health, with other people's health.

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lena: So, it's really sorting ourselves out and strengthening our foundations of our primary relationship is so important.

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lena: And it's like, I realized one day that…

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lena: The only relationship that we are guaranteed to be in till death do we part.

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lena: Is the one we have with ourself.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I once heard… that if… I think it was in relationship to cooking something, somewhere along the line, that…

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: As a family, we liked to cook, and we were very good at… oh, this is delicious!

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: We made it ourselves, and it was back in the day when people would tell you you shouldn't promote your own self.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And it's gone from, you know.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: that's… that's kind of gauche to… to say, I'm great.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: or this thing that I created is fantastic, but really, it's a matter of, if you don't like it, why should anybody else?

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And if you can't rave about it, what's the point?

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lena: Yeah.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I love that we're opening up the idea of relationships into, other…

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: things rather than just, you know, you need to find a partner, get married, have kids, and settle down in the Barco lounger and die. Because, you know, that was the American dream. I know most people don't realize that, but…

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: You know, that's… It's kind of a nightmare.

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lena: Yeah, to have a rec room for your Barker lounger, yeah, exactly. And that is still a dream for a lot of people, and if it's someone's specific dream, that's wonderful.

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lena: But when it's…

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lena: The idea that that ought to be, that any dream ought to be the dream for everyone.

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lena: that's where it really falls off the rails, right? But I would… I love what you just said, Jill. Can I go back to that for a second? And you were talking about we're not supposed to be publicizing ourselves, or however you said it, like, you know, oh, we really love our own cooking, and we love that. I can't imagine that there's…

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lena: a problem with that. But here's the other thing about that idea.

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lena: I don't know if you've ever heard the phrase.

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lena: You have to love yourself before

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lena: You can find someone to love.

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lena: I don't agree with that phrase.

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lena: What I do think is the truth is you have to love yourself

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lena: In order to allow someone else to love you.

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lena: And…

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lena: It's so true that so many of us have come up in generations where we've been told to play small and don't brag, that's the word, right? Don't brag!

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lena: And… But that's part of…

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lena: how we reinforce how we're feeling about ourselves. And if we are proud of something, we have to let ourselves feel proud. And if we love something about ourselves.

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lena: We have to let ourselves love that, because if we can't, if we can't embrace ourselves all of ourselves.

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lena: That's when we run into the issues with…

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lena: He's saying all these nice things about me. Why? What does he want?

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lena: He wants to get to know you, and he wants to let you know that he thinks wonderful things about you. Well, but… you know, and that… that… that puts up the walls, and that puts up the barriers between people having the relationships that they know that they want.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I love that. And it… It's such… A subtle difference?

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: But it is actually very profound, in that If you don't, Allow yourself to be yourself.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And recognizing the things that you're strong at, but also the things that you're… Not so great at.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And you don't have to go around saying, oh, you know, I'm terrible at this, but acknowledging that you don't have to be the best at everything, and a lot of us were raised with, you know, you need to make straight A's. Well, straight A's implies that you're good

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: exceptional, not just good, but exceptional at everything. Nobody's exceptional at everything. It's okay to get, you know.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It's okay to fail in one area if you are really exceptional in another. You just need to find other people that are really good in that area that you're weak in, and if you recognize your weaknesses, it allows you to be able to gather support.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: In that area. You don't have to be good at it yourself, but you do need to be realistic about what you're capable of.

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lena: Yeah, and if you can find this support, you can get better.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: But if you're only shaming yourself, if you're comparing, and this is the thing a lot of us do, right? The compare and despair.

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lena: We compare something that we are not as strong at

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lena: With other people who are particularly strong in that.

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lena: And then that… and then that's a really off-balance sense that we have of ourselves.

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lena: The other thing about what you just sad is…

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lena: I was still… I got double certified in life coaching and weight… weight coaching and weight management coaching, weight loss and management, and…

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lena: At the beginning of the pandemic, in 2020, when a lot of us were sitting at home and not getting out a lot, unless, you know, all the people who were walking their dogs 12 times a day until finally the dogs went on strike.

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lena: But if we weren't doing that, like, I didn't have a dog. I was spending a lot of time on my porch, which all my friends know that I love, but…

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lena: I had weight loss clients at the time.

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lena: And I remember a particular conversation on social media, someone commenting… someone saying, I've gained so much weight, I don't know what to do, and there were, like, 40 comments about

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lena: how everyone else felt the same way, and I'm, you know, I don't… I'm just… it's… I'm gaining all this weight, and I don't have… my gym is closed, and I don't have the motivation to go exercise, I don't know what to do.

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lena: And I kind of, came in, and I didn't brag.

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lena: But I said…

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lena: Well, I'm finding that I do have some other options for, you know, the ways that I can keep myself in balance, and I'm not…

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lena: gaining weight, and, you know, I'm just… I'm staying at the weight that I want to be at, and some clients who are

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lena: Losing and, you know, others staying where they want to be.

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lena: Crickets.

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lena: Crickets. No response.

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lena: And I'm saying that because… It seems to be a thing about…

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lena: We're much more open and, accepting of talking about what's not going the way we'd like it to be going.

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lena: Rather than, you know, maybe at least in that … circumstance.

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lena: But it happens a lot. It happens a lot… it happens a lot around dating, too, that, you know, and it's something that you have to be so mindful of.

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lena: we talk about… we talked about that a little bit, about what are we thinking, and we have to be so mindful of what conversations are we being drawn into.

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lena: Because it's so easy to… to just slip into that, and…

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lena: And I do the same thing.

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lena: that I can just be chatting. It just feels like I'm chatting, and I want to be, you know, in the conversation with everyone else. And all of a sudden, I'll stop, and I'll realize.

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lena: This is… this is getting a little…

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lena: heavy and negative for me, and I don't want… because I don't feel heavy and negative.

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lena: around…

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lena: dating. I don't feel heavy and negative around weight, or money, or health, or, you know, I really… and I work on that, and that's something that I… that I work on, and meditate, and pray about, and…

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lena: I have my practice.

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lena: And we all can.

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lena: We all can have a practice that will let us elevate.

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lena: And I really strongly believe, and I'm gonna ask you if you do too, I really strongly believe that when each one of us

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lena: elevates our own thought, we're helping to lift

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lena: World thought. What do you think about that?

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I totally agree, and I… I think this is a perfect spot for you to tell your story about the South of France, because

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: In that story, Is a golden nugget that will change lives.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: So just… I'm gonna let you tell your story.

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lena: Okay.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: We'll talk about that.

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lena: So, I was facing a big birthday, and in my world, a big birthday is any number that ends with an O.

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lena: And I had an O coming up, as in O. And I decided that I wanted something new and something fresh. I didn't want to be celebrating… I was not dating anyone at the time. I didn't want to be alone in my city.

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lena: on my birthday. And so I said, okay, what do I want to do? What would be exciting and fun for me? And I've always loved France, and I've always loved Paris, and I said.

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lena: So, I just… I guess maybe I got the idea because I had heard, something about this, that there are tour companies where you can take a tour, and they might be, biking.

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lena: or walking, or hiking tours. And you choose your country, and you choose your itinerary, and you get yourself from town to town on the tour, and there's a van that comes in the morning and picks up everyone's luggage.

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lena: takes it to the town where you're going to wind up that day, where you're going to spend overnight, and then the next day, everybody gets up and does it all over again. So I signed up for what I thought

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lena: was a walking tour in the south of France.

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lena: I chose the itinerary that had the smallest villages. My goodness, I was in some villages that didn't even have a shop.

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lena: There was one village that had an inn and a restaurant, and they had a post office.

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lena: In that village, and you literally have to go to the next village to do your grocery shopping.

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lena: So, I also thought that I was signing up for this walking tour through the lavender fields that grow in the flatland.

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lena: So, I… this was…

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lena: pre-internet, you could not book your own travel at the time, or I didn't have the facility and the ability to be able to do that. So I called, a friend of my parents, who was a travel agent. I said, this is where I'm going, this is the week I'd like to go. They take care of all the arrangements within this week.

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lena: But you… can you get me there, and coordinate all of that, and then get me to Avignon and Paris after that?

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lena: Great. So, and then I had the tour company send her all the information. So, I just took the shopping list. What do I need? So, I was working up until the day I was gonna leave for the tour. She called me and said, hey, did you read this? I think you really need to read this. And I said.

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lena: No, I don't have time. I'm gonna… I have a copy of it, I'm gonna read it on the plane when I have hours to read. No, I think you need to read this before you go. I don't have time, I don't have time.

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lena: And remember that. Remember what she said to me twice and what I said, because I have since realized it's integral to what happened.

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lena: So I get on the plane, I open up.

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lena: this… Booklet of all the information.

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lena: And then I find out that, …

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lena: it's a little more involved than I thought it was. It's a self… well, I think I knew it was a self-guided tour. There were not… there was no guide leader. I had to figure it out. So, I said.

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lena: Huh. Oh, okay. And then I started to read about the terrain of it, and huh, it's much more mountainous than I thought it was gonna be. That's kind of weird. What's that about? But I had bought hiking boots, because I thought I would walk in hiking boots, so that was fine.

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lena: So I get there, Get to my inn.

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lena: In the morning, they pick up my luggage, I go to start the tour, I couldn't find the trailhead.

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lena: Like, this was literally to be hiking in the woods, in the forest, in their National Forest Hiking Trails.

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lena: I couldn't even find the trail to leave town and get into the forest.

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lena: And… I… I just didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do.

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lena: And I turned around, went back into the village.

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lena: And I was just walking around and wandering around. I thought, well, let me go back and let me see if I can figure it out. I went back and forth, back and forth, like, 3 or 4 times. And finally, the last time, I was beside myself, and I said, this is… this is crazy, what did you do? I start wandering around.

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lena: And I finally… I could feel it all coming on, I could feel the tears coming, and I sat down on a curb.

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lena: And just burst into tears.

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lena: I sat there for a couple of minutes, just sobbing.

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lena: And then, I became aware that

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lena: these cars. I was like, these cars are going by really, really quickly. What is happening here, this little village? What's happening? Well, I looked up.

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lena: I had wandered into the middle of a traffic circle.

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lena: I was sitting on the curb, and there was, like, a monument or something behind me in the middle of all this going on, and it was a traffic circle where cars were coming from different places, and, you know, the, you know, yield to the left, or to the right, and all of that. And I was sitting there, and I said.

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lena: Oh.

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lena: And… And I… Had a moment, and in that moment, The thought came to me.

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lena: Well… You can sit here and keep crying.

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lena: And then you can go home.

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lena: And tell that story for the rest of your life.

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lena: Or you can figure this out.

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lena: You've got 10 seconds.

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lena: Go.

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lena: And… it was in that moment… that…

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lena: I realized, I was conscious of the fact that I had a choice.

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lena: And I could decide which direction my story was going to go in. I could decide where I would wind up, and how I would tell the story.

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lena: And I… I never realized that before in such a tangible way for myself.

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lena: And so I… I got up off the curb.

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lena: And I very carefully looked around me and made sure that I could get across, and I got myself back across, and I wandered into a park. And in that moment of my just allowing myself to go where I just felt like I was being led.

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lena: That's when the other part of this story started happening.

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lena: Angels showed up for me, and when I say angels, I mean people. People showed up for me exactly where I was.

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lena: At every point in this trip.

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lena: And so, I was in the park, I was sitting at a picnic bench, I noticed a couple sitting on the grass, on a blanket, having a picnic, and I thought, oh, how sweet, a nice French couple, and they're having a picnic. And, then I realized that I could overhear their conversation, they were speaking English.

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lena: And they noticed me, and they saw that I was alone, and they beckoned me to come over to them.

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lena: Which I thought was lovely. It turns out this… they were a couple from Boston on their honeymoon.

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lena: What are you doing? What are you doing with a knapsack and hiking boots in a park? What are you doing? I said, well, I'm supposed to be in the woods.

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lena: Can't find it, can't find the woods. And I had my maps, I knew where I was supposed to wind up at the end of the day. They said, we're gonna take you there.

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lena: Come share our picnic, and after we're done with lunch, we're gonna take you there.

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lena: I said, I can't, that's cheating. And they said, as long as you wind up each night at the inn that you're supposed to be at, it's not cheating.

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lena: It's called Getting Yourself Where You Need to Be.

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lena: That was another huge lesson in that moment. I didn't know, okay. And so it was really lovely, we had a lovely hour together, and they drove me to the next

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lena: village, and all of that. When I was checking in to the… that inn that night, I was standing at… talking to one person, very small, inn, very small desk, and then the… there was a couple who walked in and stood next to me, and they were speaking to, someone.

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lena: They spoke English.

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lena: with American accents.

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lena: So I turned around and said hello, and they introduced themselves. Guess what? They were on the same tour that I was, with the same itinerary, but they had actually hiked.

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lena: That day, and gotten themselves to that inn.

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lena: But they said, well, that's okay, you got here, you're here now, and we hiked together for the rest of the week.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: So nice!

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lena: So not only That's the other thing about when we elevate our thoughts.

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lena: we are elevating the entire world, and I think

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lena: You know this, isn't it easier?

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lena: To interact with people

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lena: To even see people to interact with when our heads are up and looking out at the world, rather than when our heads are down, literally.

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lena: And that's how we help elevate and enhance

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lena: the world for everyone. And so….

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: So many points. So many points in this story!

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lena: So many, so many nuggets in this story. I mean, that's why. And I do want to go back really briefly and capture what I said earlier. Remember what I said about, she asked me twice.

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lena: Have you read this?

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lena: She said it twice. I think you should read this before you go.

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lena: If I had read it before I go.

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lena: I think I might not have gone.

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lena: Because that's where my head was back in those days.

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lena: I either wouldn't have gone, or I would have tried to change my itinerary.

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lena: Because I would have been too scared to try it alone.

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lena: But by resisting, I taught myself this huge life lesson.

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lena: So sometimes… so now I'm going to say it to all of you who are watching and listening, sometimes…

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lena: Saying no to something is the absolute right thing.

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lena: to do. But it depends on where that no takes you. As long as it doesn't just stop you. If saying no to one thing enables you to say yes to something else.

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lena: That's the no you really want to notice.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: There's… there's all these pieces about being present, And allowing things to happen.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I don't know about you, but I'm the kind of person, I like to control stuff.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I don't like surprises all that much, because… I'm basically…

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: a lazy person. I want to do things the easiest way possible, and if I'm looking at something and it's going to be a lot of work.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I'm like, that doesn't sound like fun to me. And often, it can be fun if I can just go in the moment and let it flow, rather than trying to plan all the things so I can do the least of the work involved.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: That's a true confession.

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lena: Yeah, well, I don't… I think it's… I think it's human nature.

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lena: I think it's human nature To conserve energy.

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lena: I really do, and so it's… it's not a bad thing.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It has served me well, and, you know, going back to the knowing where you… where you have shortfalls in your personality or in your capabilities, that

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I recognize that, and so I don't try to plan long-term things, and I like to do things kind of spur of the moment, because then I can be

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I can allow it to unfold as it's supposed to unfold, rather than having… I have to do all of these things. Because you couldn't find the entry to the trailhead.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: You missed a piece of that experience, but you had another experience that was… more…

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: more in line with what you went there for, because you didn't want to be alone. That…

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: To celebrate this big birthday.

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lena: Exactly, really good point.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: allowed you the opportunity to interact with and meet new people, to expand your horizons. People are often gifts that you get in life. They may just, like, be there for a moment.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: But that moment is, like, it's…

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It's encapsulated in its own little container of this story, and… You know, we're…

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: A lot of other people were in that park that day, I'm sure. They, passing by, saw this couple. They don't know that couple's story for that moment in time, but you do, you've got…

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: You got the ride to the next village, and you had a lunch, and an experience that everybody else that walked on that trail didn't get.

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lena: Exactly. If I had just been someone who had that information already and, you know, put on my hiking boots in the morning and got there and said, oh, okay, oh, it's over there, and then just went, I would have, yeah, I would have had that experience, but it's kind of a more typical experience, so what if would have been.

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lena: Thank you, though, because you just said something that made me realize something I have never realized before, which is… I didn't want to be alone.

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lena: On my birthday.

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lena: I had such wonderful, nurturing experiences of two couples.

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lena: Right? And they just were both, all of them, so embracing of me. And so I think that shoots a whole

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lena: in other stories that people might have, and I had, when I was younger, don't want to be a fifth wheel, you know, or a third wheel, whatever that is. I don't… I don't want it to be just me with a couple, but it didn't even occur to me. Those were the angels

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lena: That were sent.

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lena: To guide me. And they were all lovely.

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lena: They were really lovely. And the bonus is, I probably could do that today, because by the end of the week, watching that couple and learning from them, I became really proficient, and I started to learn how to read the map against how to read the trail and how to read the markings. And by the end of the week, I noticed a couple of things. I found a couple of shortcuts.

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lena: that they didn't see. So, yeah, it was just all around, it was… Truly, truly transformational experience.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And it's not just your experience, because they are telling the story, too.

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lena: Yeah. And….

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: About this woman that we met.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: on our anniversary, or when we first got married, or on this trip that we took. And, you know, those reverberate on the other side, too. It's not… we never do anything with others that is just solely our personal experience. It's a shared experience, and it goes out, and it…

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I really wish that I could meet these people and hear their side of the story, because this is…

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: This is very moving!

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Oh.

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lena: Maybe I wipe my tears.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Aww.

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lena: And there's another element of that, too, and I love that we're broadening out the conversation, and we're talking about people in general, right? We're not just talking about women or men, or we're not siloing, this is really about talking to all of us humans. And the other thing you just mentioned, you know, you like to be spontaneous and, you know, sometimes do things on the spur of the moment. So do I. So let's remember, also.

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lena: For me, this trip was planned in…

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lena: I don't even know if it was 6 weeks, maybe 4 weeks? Like, I decided I need to get out of town. Let's go do something. The couple who I hiked with….

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lena: He was the planner, he was the trip planner in their family.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Huh.

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lena: That trip was being planned for a year.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Oh.

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lena: And then, when we parted at the end of that week, and they were just so lovely, I said, so what are you gonna do next? Where are you gonna go next? And I think she said to me, oh, next year we want to go to Italy and do this again. He's gonna start planning tomorrow when we get home.

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lena: And I thought, oh, that's amazing. I can't imagine planning anything.

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lena: You're ahead.

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lena: But…

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lena: Look at how the world works, because we can be so different, and have such unique qualities that nobody else around us has, and yet.

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lena: We're doing things together. We have other things in common. Somebody has something to bring

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lena: to the party that's different from somebody else. That's… it's all part of the lesson.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Life is a big bowl of stone soup.

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lena: It is.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I often think that, and the… I'm encouraged when I talk to people, and everybody has this… this beautiful light that they're shining in the world. That's their job, is just to shine the light that they're here to shine.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And they don't have to be responsible for all the other lights out there. By shining your light, you allow other people to shine theirs.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And that way, the world gets illuminated, rather than feeling like you have to be responsible for everything, and you have to know everything, and you have to be the one that plans it, and figures it all out, and…

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: it's why we… we thrive on communities, and we thrive on… on relationships, and relationships change and shift, and some are longer term than others, and sometimes they weave kind of in and out of our lives. You know, the longer I've lived, and the…

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: the more I've seen people cycle back in, and then they cycle out, and then they cycle in, and then they cycle out, and it's… it… does it say anything about either of us?

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Personally, it's just, like, it's how the melody is going.

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lena: Yeah.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: So, I know you coach people.

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lena: and….

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: On relationships, specifically, Like, all kinds of relationships.

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lena: Dating, yeah, dating relationships, and… and some people want to…

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lena: be married, and some people want a commitment, but not necessarily marriage, and some people might just want to be able to date. There are, you know, there are a lot of people who have not dated in a while, for a variety of reasons, and so maybe they just want to be out dating, and

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lena: you know, I always like to remind people, dating is actually a social activity. It's perfectly acceptable to just be dating. But if you're going to be dating, whether your intention is to

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lena: get married, or have some other kind of commitment, or just be dating for a while, I think everybody ought to have fun!

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lena: dating. And a lot of people aren't having fun. And so that's what… what I really like to offer to people as well. Let's remember that it's social, let's remember that it can be fun, and

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lena: it… Isn't it just fun to do things that are fun?

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, it makes life much better.

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lena: Right? We don't think about that a lot. I can do something just for fun. You can. You really can.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I've started going out on Thursdays with my grandson, one of my grandsons. We go to the park, he's 4, and he's… he…

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: he's all about the experience, and he's really into having fun, and he does a bunch of stuff. This park is an amazing park. It's got, like, a water park, and it's got two actual playground parks, and then there's a skate park that

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: actually came about because of his uncle. His uncle passed, and his grandparents, his other grandparents, they built the skate park for the town.

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lena: Oh, wow.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: proceeds that they've gotten from the death of their son. So, it's so cool to watch him play over there, and he's little, but the big kids there, they're so patient with him.

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lena: Oh, that's so nice, and when he's a big kid, he'll be using the skate park, that's easy.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Is it? Yeah.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And he'll be kind to the other little kids that come along, because it's modeling behavior, but it's… it's the experience of having fun. And he's all about, you know, little kids are all about having fun, and if this isn't fun anymore, we're gonna go over to the other park and have some fun over there.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And then you cry when it's time to leave, because you were having so much fun!

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lena: Yeah, yep.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: So I… and it's okay to cry.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: If you're having a really good time and it has to end, it's okay to cry.

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lena: Very, okay.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: venue?

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lena: Very okay to cry, but it's not okay to be crying

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lena: Because you're having such a difficult time dating.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yes.

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lena: I say no, please no crying over that. And there are a lot of women….

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: the date had to end! Exactly. And we're having so much fun!

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lena: Exactly. Exactly.

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lena: I don't know if men are necessarily going home crying over a date that wasn't fun, but there are a lot of men who aren't having fun dating either, and.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Okay.

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lena: Going back to the conversation about elevating the whole world, I want…

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lena: men to be enjoying the experience as much as I want women to be enjoying the experience.

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lena: And my clients and I, we talk about that a lot, too, because it's not just about, I'm there for them, and they ought to have something, and, you know, no, it's like…

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lena: Let's… let's help men have as positive an experience of dating as we do. I remember

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lena: at a time when I was, dating online, and so I was meeting a lot of people and going out on a lot of first and second dates.

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lena: that…

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lena: men would thank me. Like, I would… if a man asked me out a second or a third time, whatever it was, and I had realized that this was not someone

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lena: who I would choose to see, you know, much past that.

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lena: I would always say, you know, I'm…

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lena: It's been really lovely getting to know you and to meet you, and I think you're a very nice man. I'm just not feeling the connection.

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lena: that I'd like to feel with a partner, and so…

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lena: Thank you, but no thank you.

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lena: I got thanked.

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lena: So many times for saying that.

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lena: I got thanked.

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lena: I can't even tell you, men would say.

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lena: Oh, thank you for being honest.

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lena: I really appreciate your honesty. And… It just didn't seem like…

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lena: it was so outrageous, what I was saying. Do you know what I mean? Like, it just seemed… very…

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lena: Natural, and normal, and a kind thing to say. And… So, there's always a way

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lena: to be elevating everyone's experience of something that you're involved in. And so that's… that's what I, you know, I… how I coach my clients as well.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It's recognizing what's working and what isn't working in relationships, too, and while you're talking specifically about dating, this… this can go to jobs, it can go to clients.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: You know, not everybody is for everyone, and with these dating apps and the way that we're meeting people these days, it's…

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: it's… you're gonna… you're gonna filter through a lot of people really fast, and you need to filter through fast. You need to be able to say, I'm feeling it, I'm not feeling it, and feel okay about

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: owning your emotions and owning your feelings about the relationship, whether it can go forward or not. And it's…

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I…

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I think there's this illusion, especially in younger women, that, you know, I've just got to take the first guy that seems okay.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And older women can do this, too. When they get back in the dating world, it's scary. And, you know, they used to joke about old… not wanting to date older women because they had so much baggage. Men have a lot of baggage, too. And you have more stories that you've told yourself.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Up to that point, and they're not always good stories that we tell ourselves, and you need to find people that are

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: They're okay with some of your stories, and can call bullshit on some of them, but… It's…

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It's great to be able to… To be honest.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: With the people that you're… you're encountering.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And to allow them to have a positive experience, and go away from the experience.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: happy with it, rather than dragging it on

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: We used to call it stringing people along.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Knowing that it was not going to go anywhere on your end, that they might start to develop feelings because they think that this could possibly result in something that they want out of the relationship.

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lena: Right. It's… Well, there's that, but also there's something else, actually.

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lena: … I like to attribute positive intentions to people. I really do.

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lena: I know that there are a lot of people in the world who do not have good intentions, but I like to attribute good intentions and give people the benefit of the doubt.

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lena: And… there are people who consciously or knowingly might be stringing someone along, but what I have heard

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lena: From just being out in the world and talking to women.

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lena: What I've heard is it's more likely that women stay with men who they like.

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lena: Who are very nice.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It's a very nice relationship.

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lena: They're, you know, they get along and all of that.

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lena: But there's something not there.

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lena: for them. There's something that…

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lena: Okay, I guess the word missing, there's something that's missing for them that they wish they could have in a relationship that they don't have in that relationship.

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lena: And that's more likely. It's much more likely… again, this is what I've heard from women.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I'm settling.

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lena: Well…

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lena: I guess. I guess it's settling, but when they're in it, I don't know that they're conscious that they're settling. They're saying, oh, but he's so nice.

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lena: So to them, you know, they're acknowledging that this person is nice, and the relationship is nice enough. I don't think they've necessarily thought, oh, I'm just settling, but it's more like…

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lena: but it's nice, and it's good. How do you end that, especially when the world is the way it is, and what's out there, and why don't I want to just be with someone who's nice? Why don't I want a relationship that's just good?

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lena: You know, it's kind of the society we're in right now is, you know, bigger is better, and gargantuan is the goal.

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lena: Right? Because I'm sure you hear it. You coach coaches, and… and so there's that. There's the business aspect of it, and the entrepreneurial aspect of it, but there's also…

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lena: the Instagram aspect of it, and that's the other way that… I always say that whether or not you're using dating apps or you're dating online, technology has changed the way we date.

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lena: for everyone, no matter how you're meeting people. And I think partly that's the Instagram component of, we all see online, we all see people talking about their… their literally picture-perfect lives, and it makes us

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lena: think… That we should want more than we have.

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lena: And sometimes, Good is good.

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lena: And nice is good. And kind is good.

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lena: And sometimes you know that you do want something different.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And it's okay.

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lena: And it's okay.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Sylvaina!

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: How can people find you if they want to work with you more?

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lena: Well… I would like to offer to you that if you are not dating and you want to be.

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lena: Or, if you're dating and you're not having any fun.

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lena: I would like to offer you a free gift, which is my guide to the 3 essentials that will help you meet your match.

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lena: And there's actually a few bonuses in there, so it's more than 3. It's a very simple.

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lena: Tools and techniques for you to really make

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lena: A shift in the way that you're dating, or to help you get started dating.

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lena: So that you can do it in a very different way. And you'll start to meet very different people, and have very different types of reaction… interactions. And you can find that at my website, which is lenarendberg.com, and it's slash…

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lena: Three essentials guide, help you meet your match.

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lena: Or you can just go to my, my, …

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lena: My webpage, homepage, lenarendburg.com, scroll down, you can get it there as well. And I'm also on Facebook and Instagram, at HaveMoreLove.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Awesome. Thank you so much for joining us today.

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lena: Thank you, this was really wonderful, thank you so much.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Such a good time.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: So, to learn more about Lena, and to get her free guide, the guide to 3 essentials that will help you meet your right match, please visit lenarehberg.com forward slash guide dash 2, the word TO, dash meet.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: dash your dash right dash.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: match, and I will be sure to put those links in the show notes below. Thank you for tuning in with us today. If you have a podcast or you're interested in starting one to get your message in front of our huge and active audience, be sure to reach out to us at support at heartlifecoach.com. We love to help spiritual entrepreneurs and coaches amplify their voice and monetize their mission, and offer a variety of ways to do this.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: on Substack. Join us for our next episode as we share what others are doing to raise the global frequency. And remember, change begins with you. You have all the power to change the world. Start today, and get visible.