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Karen Kenney: Hey, welcome to the Karen
Kenney show. I'm super duper excited to be
here, because today we're going to be
talking about very briefly, like one of my

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favorite books, an idea from this book that
has been life changing, not only for me, but
also for my clients. And now I want to pass
it on to you, because if memory serves me

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well, and God bless. I hope it does. I don't
think I've ever mentioned this before to
you. Now, some of you, if you are any of my
listeners, if you are a writer, you may have

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heard of this writer in this book, in this
concept, before, so I'll tell you a little
bit about it, but first, I'm going to tell
you what inspired me to talk about it. So a

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friend of mine in a former client, and
somebody I just adore, I check with, check
in with them from time to time. And I was
asking him recently. I said, Hey, man, you

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know, how you doing? What's going on, what's
shaking. And he was telling me, sharing me
some stuff, like, you know, confidentially,
whatever. And then at the end, he just said

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he's like, as you taught me, as you taught
me. KK, I'm just taking it Bird by Bird. And
I was like, man, dude, that that has saved
my ass so many times. And I don't think

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we've ever talked about that concept, Bird
by Bird, so I want to share it with you now.
So it originates from one of my favorite
books of all time, called Bird by Bird by

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Annie Lamont. So Anne Lamott wrote this. I
want to say it came out in like 1994 now,
I've had my paperback copy. You can't tell
in this lighting, but the edges of this

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thing are kind of like yellowed, right? It's
like I I've had this book for a wicked long
time. I got it in California. It's been with
me ever since, since. So it's called Bird by

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Bird, and then the subtitle is some
instructions on writing and life. So the
concept of Bird by Bird comes from a story
that she tells in this book. And Annie

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Lamont, if you don't know her, she has, she
is literally just an incredible writer. She
tends to write on more kind of, like
spiritual themes, but she's very down to

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earth. She's soba. She's got a lot of really
super smarty pants things to say. So I'm a
big fan of her books. I have, like pretty
much all her books, but this is the one I

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wanted to talk to you about. Now, this
little excerpt from page 18 and 19, where
she's telling a story. So I'm going to read
this to you first and then get into why,

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Bird by Bird, I think can be wicked helpful
for you, especially if you find yourself
getting overwhelmed by something, whether
that's a project or, you know, something

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that you need to take care of, whatever it
is, it's so easy to become overwhelmed. So
let me read this little snippet for you, and
then we'll dive into why I find it so so

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helpful. She's talking about in is, this is
in the chapter called short assignments, and
she talks about, so any like has this
concept, and it's a concept that's very

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helpful in writing. You know, if you go to
try and write a whole book, it can be
completely overwhelming. You can get frozen
in your tracks. Did you just think, oh my

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god. Like, this project is so big. There is
so much here. Like, how the am I possibly
going to be able to write a whole I write
memoir, but write a memoir, a novel, or

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whatever book, you know, it can be, feel
really scary. So there's a concept that she
talks about, kind of like, she calls it the
one inch frame. And she says, you know, all

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I have to do is how to tell, like, this one
inch piece of my story. I don't have to even
write a whole chapter or a whole page. I
just need to capture this little one inch

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pot, and you're going to see how it applies
in in a second. So she talks about this. She
says, 30 years ago, my older brother, who
was 10 years old at the time, was trying to

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get a report on birds written that he'd had
three months to write, which was due the
next day. So obviously, this kid is a
professional, professional procrastinator,

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right? She says we were out at our family
cabin in Bolinas, and he was at the kitchen
table, close to Tia's, surrounded by binder
paper and pencils and unopened books on

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birds immobilized by the hugeness of the
task ahead. Then my father sat down beside
him, put his arm around my brother's
shoulder, and said, Bird by Bird, buddy,

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just take it, Bird by Bird, and I will never
forget reading that story. Obviously, it is
the hot beat, right? It's like one of the
hot beats of this book, Bird by Bird. Word,

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some instructions on writing in life, and
it's the life piece. Now, some of you might
be writers, and you'll find that helpful in
other ways as well. Go by the book if you

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want that, but let me just talk to you, just
to all humans, how I think that this concept
can be wicked helpful. As I was saying, it
can be so easy to get completely

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overwhelmed. And whether that's in your
personal life, your professional life, if
you're an entrepreneur, if you're somebody,
anything from like, Oh my God, my parents

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just died, or my mom just died, and I need
to clean out my mother's house, or, oh my
God, I've just been made, you know, the
executive of so and so's will, and there's

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so many papers to go through. Or, you know,
I have friends whose kids have been applying
to college, and it's like, oh my god,
between the essays and the the applications

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and the student loans are trying to get
federal aid, or whatever it is, it can just
feel so overwhelming and so often,
especially if you have, you know, a big

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dream or something, or even if you are
trying to do something like learning SEO for
your website, it can feel really daunting.
And again, when you try to look at the whole

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scope of a project, or the whole scope, like
the 10,000 steps that you have to take, it's
like shit, man, you and your nervous system
will just start to short wire, start to

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freak out a little bit, start to shut down.
I can only speak about myself, but when I
get overwhelmed, I tend to get frozen a
little bit, right? I tend to get a little

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stuck. And it's not so much that I
procrastinate, because I'm the type of kid
that used to come home from school and I
would do my homework right away so that I

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could go play unencumbered. I never like
anything hanging over my head. It's why I
don't like, owing people money. It's why I
don't like, you know, I'm like, if I like,

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to just get shit done so that I can be
unencumbered without something looming, you
know what I mean. So it's not that I'm I'm
not really a procrastinator, unless, right,

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I kind of get frozen in my tracks by
overwhelm, and especially if it's something
I don't know how to do. And that especially
in business, right? And we'll talk about

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that in a second. Well, no, we'll talk about
that first. So in business, there are just
going to be times when you find, like, let's
say, like, okay, you know how to do the

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practitioner stuff, right? Whatever you're
whatever you're doing, like, let's say
you're a coach, right? And you might be
like, Oh my God, I know how to coach the

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shit out of people. Like, I have all these
tools. I know how to help people. I know how
to mentor people. I know how to guide people
through a process, whatever the thing is.

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But me trying to get, like, a website set
up, like, Oh my God, no, right? It feels too
overwhelming that tech piece for a lot of
people, and this is where it can be wicked

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helpful to have one of your steps, one of
your birds, in this Bird by Bird process be
to hire somebody who actually knows what the
they're doing,

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rather than you trying to figure out the
plate you know, doing the Things that you
know that's not an area of strength for you.
It's like, I'm just going to call up my

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smarty pants nephew, or I'm going to call,
call in my friend, call my friend and see if
I can borrow her VA her virtual assistants
for this piece. Now it's really important to

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know, like, the pots are going to start to
feel like too hard. So let's say there is
something on your docket. Let's say there is
something on your list, and it just feels

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like, Oh, my God, there's so many moving
parts. I don't know where to begin. And this
is when we can just break it down, piece by
piece, bit by bit, tiny step by tiny step,

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like Bird by Bird, right? Because otherwise
it can get completely overwhelming to your
nervous system. And when your amygdala gets
fired, when you start to get triggered by

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like that, that's that fear, and that's what
it really is, right? The body experiences, I
don't know what to do, that confusion, that
that pressure, it's like, it can just, like,

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knock you right off a track. It can just,
like, cut you off at the knees and just
disable you, and you just find yourself
doing nothing. So a lot of resistance will

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come up, a lot of procrastination, like
double Amen hands, if you know what I'm
talking about. Maybe there's something it
could be like, Oh, cleaning out your

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basement, cleaning out your garage, cleaning
out your attic, you know, like, or having to
again, like, learning something new. Like,
you know, whether, whether it, I don't even

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like to talk about AI, but maybe there's
some fancy new process, or whatever. Or
you're like, Okay, I just bought like, I see
all, here's a great example. I see all these

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videos now. Days, which I love of seeing
women working with like power tools, women
who building right alongside their brother
and their brothers, right? And I just love

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it. And when I I love the creativity part of
it. But when I think of myself trying to do
that, I immediately start to think about
measuring that, I start to go like, Oh my

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God. Like, if I wanted to build a new deck,
or if I wanted to do something, I
immediately start to go, like, because it's
a couple of projects like around our house,

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and I'm like, we're going to have to replace
that and do that. And then I start to laugh,
and I'm like, maybe I could learn to do it
myself, and when I start to think of all the

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steps, like, first of all, don't know what
I'm doing. Number two, don't have the power
tools. Number three words are my thing. I
mean, I'm not a total dummy when it comes to

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math, but like measuring and like making
sure the cuts are right, and making sure you
is it pressure treated wood, or should I get
the other stuff? And like, where do you

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begin? And do you rip out this? And what
nails and hammering and like, oh, and then I
have to pressure wash it, and then I'm gonna
have to stain it, or whatever. And I just

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go, like, I'm melting. I'm melting. If
you're not watching this, if you just listen
to me, I'm like, grabbing my face and making
it melt. And I can get really overwhelmed

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and no, it will happen. Nothing, nothing
will happen. Or I'll call my uncle, or I'll
call somebody else and say, hey, you know
somebody who can help me with this project,

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right? But there are going to be times when
nobody's coming to rescue us. Nobody's
coming to save us. And the fact of the
matter is, we just have to sit our ass down

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and do the thing, and whether it's like,
like, I said, learning how to do something
new, like paying your taxes online or filing
for like, okay, perfect example. I recently

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found a an old link that I had set aside
about like. So my mother was adopted when
she was a baby, and back then, back then, a
lot of the adoptions were done through the

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local doctor and the church. They weren't
even done at the hospitals and stuff like
that. And so there's not a lot of records.
Somebody in my life knew. Somebody online

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read that I had was talking about my mother
being adopted, and how my sister and I were
kind of trying to find her people. And they
said, you know, you can get an after birth,

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you know, certificate data. So I found the
one for the state of Massachusetts. And when
I went in and I started looking at all the
information I would need to provide them to

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try and figure it out, I immediately started
to get that melty feeling. And what it is is
I know this about myself. I'm very self
aware at this point in my life. And I'm

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like, Ooh, you're starting to get a little
overwhelmed, because you're starting to feel
like you don't know the answers to question
six and question nine, and you don't know

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how to fill this thing out. And then, like
you'd see right now, even talking about it,
I'm like, rubbing my forehead. That was
really just automatic, like, I do that

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because I'm like, oh my god, this is getting
too much. But what I would have to simply do
is sit down and Bird by Bird myself, and
say, Okay, let's just go to the website.

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Step one. Step two, let's just open it.
Click on the link. Okay, we did that so far.
Okay, open it up. Great. Okay, hey, you know
that you do better with paper in hand,

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rather than looking at something on a
screen. Print it out. Okay. Step three, I'm
burning the like. I'm going like Sparrow,
Cardinal, Blue Jay, you know what I'm

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saying, like dove, seagull. I'm just gonna
go down the line and take it like Linda Ty,
our friend Linda Ty says, sip, sip, right?
I'm not gonna fire hose myself. I'm just

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gonna Bird by mother fucking bird, that
thing. And this can be so helpful. And I
wanted to pass it off to you too. It's like
how they say in like, 12 step programs, one

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day at a time. For me, sometimes it's like
one breath at a time, one moment at a time,
right? Just, just pace yourself. Just that
little one inch window that Andy talks

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about, right? Just like, Don't overwhelm
yourself with all the details. And part of
what happens is we we time travel, we future
travel, we start to look at step 19 and get

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completely like, Oh my God. And I'm like,
no, no, no, let's keep the focus right here.
Let's just take a breath right there's lots
of little tools we can use when we start to

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get anxious. We can use a little breath
work, a little bilateral. We can do a little
tapping. We can do like, all these little
peripheral vision there's all these little

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tools that we can use to help our nervous
system. Not like, as I would call it,
jokingly, not go offline, right? It's like,
stay in the room. Stay in your body. Stay

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with your breath. You can do it. And if.
Just slow down and just remind yourself the
next time, the next time you have to do
something, and it seems like it's a lot, and

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it seems like you're you're starting to,
like, start to have some sort of a trauma
response when you're about to get triggered,
just stop, take a big breath in through your

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nose, exhale it out twice as long through
your mouth and repeat to yourself like a
little mantra, Bird by Bird. I'm telling
you, this helps so much, you know, and

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there's so many things that it's
interesting. You know, for a lot of kids who
have PTSD or complicated CPTSD trauma, all
these, all these things that that happened

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to us when we're younger. You know, if we
didn't have, like, a lot of help in place as
we continue to grow into adults, we've a lot
of kids have become, like, hyper independent

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and hyper vigilant and hyper, like, not like
hyper, not good at asking for help, right?
And so there's always this pressure of,
like, I've got to figure this out on my own.

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And I just want to remind anybody who's
listening out there, you know, there are
people now, some, yes, you have to pay to
help you, but there are other people out

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there, your friends, maybe, or a family
member or a cousin, or somebody you took a
class with, or somebody that you know, you
know people like to help. People like to

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feel needed, and people like to be able to
help and sometimes share their expertise.
Now keep in mind, if somebody makes their
living off of that expertise, they might not

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want to, like, give it away for free, right?
There might be some sort of energy exchange,
whether it's Hey, I'll do this for you.
Maybe you can bada or swap or whatever the

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thing is, right? I think usually getting
paid for your service is really good,
because then everybody understands the
assignment. There's going to be no hurt

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feelings, whatever. But there are lots of
people who do want to help, and who might be
able something that you find so taxing and
so overwhelming to them. It's a walk in the

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pack, man. It is so easy for them. And, you
know, I have somebody, you know, a lot of
entrepreneurs talk about their team like
they have this team. Like, yeah, I'm my

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team. Mean, God, maybe, maybe Priscilla and
Bob, Ross, Mister Rogers, right? My mother,
whatever. So I've got my spiritual team, and
then I actually have a physical team. And

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this really is just me and one other person,
and I only call her once in a while, and
I'll just say, Hey, I just can't, I just
can't with this. And I know that this tech

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stuff is like your love language, and it is
not mine, you know, I know, like, a little
bit, like, I know, a little bit enough to be
dangerous. I just noticed. I think I got it.

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I think I just got, I think I got bit by a
mosquito on my head, you guys. And we're
back.

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So, yeah, I'll call her, because I can
literally feel myself like I'll get wicked
excited about a project, like an idea, and
I'll be like, I'm gonna do all this. And

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then when it comes to, like, the back end
and actually getting it up, like, I can
usually put things on my website and but
there's certain things that just, like, I

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go, No, no. Like, I just want to jab this
pen right in my eye. Like, no, again, double
A man hands, if you know what I'm talking
about. So call in help if you need it. But

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the first thing to do is you will often
surprise yourself at how smart you actually
are. What you are capable are when you are
not going into fight or flight, when you're

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not going into freeze, when you're not going
into Fauci, when you're not going into flop
when you're not going into all those trauma
responses because you're like, Oh my God, I

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don't know how to do this. And for me, one
of the main things that I feel when I don't
know how to do something is I get really
frustrated, and then I will sometimes start

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to cry. Oh my god, can anybody else relate?
Or am I just the big weirdo? But I try not
to do that like I try not to take it all too
seriously. I'm like, Look, it's all, it's

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all, you know. It can all be figured out. It
can all be worked out. And there are people
who are way smarter than me that that know
how to do some of these things, you know. So

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that's just my little love note from my hat
to yours this week. You guys like, Don't
stress yourself out. Don't freak out about
things. If you can help it, use some of your

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tools. And if you're like, hey, I don't have
any tools. These tools of which you speak,
if I do not know what they are, then come
join the nest. Karen kenney.com/nest come

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work with me, one to one. Karen
kenney.com/quest and I will help you out.
But this Bird by Bird concept is something
that I share with my clients. I know it has

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been incredibly helpful for people that I
know who tend to lean a little bit more
towards the. Anxiety side, who can start to
shut down very quick, quickly, and then they

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will just procrastinate, and then they put
themselves in this loop of shame and regret
and blame and in like, just like, then the
inner critic comes on because, like, You're

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so stupid. Why can't you just do this thing?
Look at you, you're so lazy. Oh my god, you
put it. It just creates this whole spiral,
this whole pattern, and we don't have to

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keep doing that to ourselves. So Bird by
Bird, my friends, thank you. Like I said,
Anne Lamott, is the is just so fantastic.
This her book, Bird by Bird, some

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instructions on writing in life. I highly
recommend you reading it, even if you're not
a writer, it is so, so fantastic even, and
it stands the test of time. I mean, 1994

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this sucker. And you know, in 2025 it still
stands the test of time. It's so great. So
thank you so much for tuning in. I hope
that's been helpful. I hope this, this

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episode, has been helpful to you, and I
super appreciate you taking the time to
spend a little time with me. It is always a
happy honor to share my thoughts, my ideas,

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the tools, a little story like what,
whatever you know, what I mean. And I would
love to know if you already have read the
book. I would love to know if you love the

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book, if you found the concept of Bird by
Bird helpful. So just send up a flash. Shoot
me a little message. I always love to hear
from you. All right, you guys, have a

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fantastic rest of your week wherever you go.
May you leave yourself in the animals and
the planet and the place in the other
people, the environment better than how you

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found it wherever you go. May you and your
love and your energy and your presence and
your bird by birding, be a blessing. Bye,
you.