Hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Wedding Lounge podcast.
This week we are talking about social media and the pressure that couples are
facing nowadays when wanting to plan their wedding.
Yeah, I think so. I think there's so much.
All right. I mean, there's so much in our lives in general,
not just for a wedding, but in my own personal Instagram is
ridiculous. Let alone, in fact, I was getting married to trying to
complain myself to everything that comes up on your social media.
It's just bonkers and obviously we've like the algorithms of social media.
You look at something once and then it's, you know, all you see.
So I only have Instagram for my business. I didn't have it before.
Yeah, but I did years ago when it wasn't really a big thing and then never used it.
So I don't have a personal Instagram and then like a friend might send me a
reel to my business one about parenting, trick on it.
And then I see things sort of try not to look at non-wedding related things
on my Instagram account. Otherwise, then fills up my feed and not relevant things.
I mean, that is that's some discipline right there because that's why I have two separate ones.
Yes, because my work one is actually about it is just pure weddings.
Even then, the type of weddings that I'm seeing, I can only imagine what
couples are seeing a choir, how bonkers these and some of the weddings that you see
on social media are exactly that. They're their wilds and out there.
And I think it's really similar to Pinterest and we're going to do a more
episode on Pinterest as well, which is still quite wide to use.
Yeah, but there's a lot out there where it's staged.
Yes, or it's like even AI and AI, AI, AI, AI.
Or it's like a six-figure budget or, you know, it's social media influencers
who have managed to get quite a lot of stuff at a much lower cost to be able to
present something that is quite so spectacular.
And it's really hard to pick these things apart and actually work out what it is that you like about.
You don't see on social media normal weddings, like that sounds,
you know, normal wedding, that sounds quite derogatory, but you know what I mean?
Like a sort of average budget wedding, like those aren't what you see on Instagram.
No, they're not things that are pushed.
No, you're seeing the things that are ridiculously expensive.
And it's really hard for couples nowadays to be seeing all these.
And once, you know, I love that, I don't have the budget.
Yeah, I think there's no, I think it's the education around it.
Yeah, you need to be able to understand what is affordable
and what is not affordable within these six.
And I think that's where these like videos and things fall down,
is that they could be hang on there.
This was X amount.
It took four days to put together, you know, it's things like that.
The people just look at pretty picture on this thing.
It's the same with, I mean, it goes down to one of the big trends
that's been going on this year and towards the end of last year
is all the ruffled tablecloths.
Yes, yeah, which is stunning.
And it looks really, really cool.
You need 10 times the amount of tablecloths.
Yes, yeah, yeah.
Or you need a specific type of tablecloth, which is really hard to get hold of.
What you need to make it yourself.
It's doable.
You just need to know what the options are.
Do you think, though, as well?
Not only do you get everything pushed to you through the algorithm,
but at a phase of your life where you're getting married,
all your friends are getting married as well.
All you see on other people's posts is everyone else's weddings.
When we had our episode with our husbands,
we fell into this trap and that was, you know, 12 years ago.
So-and-so's wedding, so-and-so's wedding, X, Y, Z's wedding.
It's time to get.
You can pass them all around the same time.
It's now.
Everyone posts images on social media.
You've got all those images.
So look at it as well.
So it's really hard to kind of understand what you want from your own wedding.
When you're able to see it for an else's weddings,
it's going on around you as well.
Definitely.
I think it's, you know, not only financially,
is it confusing to see what's going on,
but also when you're seeing so many things that other people are doing,
it's hard to sort of, as I say, sort of like get through the noise
and see what actually is about you too.
And not what's just happening at the time.
We've spoken about trends before.
Yeah.
About not just within a champagne tariff, it's not you.
You know, making your day about yourself.
Your comes up on my algorithm all the time on my work run.
Diet Coke towers.
I wonder why I can do that.
Diet Coke wedding cakes and like a diet Coke table.
Everything.
Get sort, Tashlant.
Right.
And she loves it.
Yeah.
I love it.
I was actually told yesterday about my car approach.
I need to give it up.
Oh, that's a whole other story.
Oh, gosh.
And yeah, you're constantly bombarded with things that may look nice,
but you may not want.
You may feel pressurised to have.
It's just been also.
You've got to think like what's important to you?
Like getting married, having a brilliant day with your friends and family
or creating something.
Because it's going to look good on Instagram.
Exactly.
I mean, some of the things.
And if that is you.
Yeah, great.
That's you and do.
You do.
Like if that is what's important to you,
then you need to stick with that.
I ask my clients in my initial consultation
about weddings they've been to in the past and things they love
and things they've been to about those weddings.
And I ask them to really drill down into the specifics.
And I think with something like this
and the pressure of social media,
it's quite important for you to do the same when you sit down together.
So if you've got all these things coming up
and you're starting to save images or saving reels and things,
really hone in on what it is you like about that specific image.
Is it the look?
Is it the colour?
Is it the feel?
Is it the specific tablecloth?
Is it drill down on exactly what it is?
You like about that specific thing.
I can get a better idea.
I've had that with the client recently
where they sent me video of a wedding event.
This is the one I've seen on TikTok that we really like.
Okay, what aspect of it?
Because it was totally different to what they'd said.
Like they were having quite a colourful flowers
but every flower in this photo was white.
And I said, what is it?
Is it the tableware?
Is it the fact that they have nice flowers on the bar
with colourful cocktails like which part of this video of someone's day
is it that you like?
Because we're not recreating the exact same things.
You've already said you want to have like wild flowers
and this was all very structured white flowers.
You know, and as a planner,
you need to make sure you understand that vision.
And I think sometimes people get bogged down with what their vision is
because they're like, oh, actually I like that.
I like that. I like that.
And it's necessarily all go.
No.
And unfortunately, if I had my way,
I would have probably had five different weddings to Jamie.
If I had the budget, I would have had like a beautiful one,
you know, a pathable street bar.
I would have had like a parcel wedding where I wore a ball gown
or something like a, you know, black tie event.
I would have had our rustic till one.
I would have got married on a beach somewhere.
You know, so you could have like a seashell theme
or imagine Italy and have lemons.
You know, it's brilliant.
If you've got all these ideas, but they don't all go.
Like I had to, you know, get rid of a lot of ideas
and stick to what worked for our rustic bond.
Yeah.
I mean, I think we've spoken in that episode with our husbands.
I really don't remember looking on social media.
I was just like, hmm, the florist.
There's two florists who recommended venue.
I still have my Pinterest board saved.
Yeah, you, I didn't even have time for my wedding thing.
I have my Pinterest board saved.
I mean, a lot of it, I kind of knew in my own head what I wanted.
But trying to explain it to all the people
that was kind of the way I went.
But yeah, I still have it all saved.
And obviously, at the time, Instagram wasn't really a thing.
I think a lot of people use Instagram for their inspiration.
And if they're not using it for their,
they're not physically saving things for their inspiration.
They're still using it to look for things.
Yeah.
Screen-shotting those.
Or then, yeah, going on Pinterest and using those.
Or red, it's quite popular now.
We're not for wedding inspiration.
So I think it's such a prominent part of our lives.
It's silly not to utilise that.
It's just being aware of how much you can get bogged down in it.
And I think the other thing that we can do
is it can make you feel really rubbish about your own wedding,
as well as your own plans.
Because you're seeing all this grandeur and everything like that.
You're then comparing it to what your plans are.
And you need to understand that it's totally different.
And I think that that's really hard for couples now.
I think one of the, just, I thought about this while you were talking,
was, I'm glad to know you're listening.
Yeah. Because I'm thinking, you know,
we're comparing our wedding, maybe in a rock relapse.
For me, for example, a rustic barn in the East Sussex countryside
in a local church who, yes, like grand wedding at the side of Lake Komo.
So, of course, my wedding's going to feel inferior.
Well, I think to get around that, one of the best things to do,
and we've kind of said this before, I think, with wedding fairs,
is if you've chosen a venue, follow them and get inspiration from people
who've been at your wedding, or, you know,
so that it's realistic inspiration.
Yes. Yeah. I think we can't compare a marquee in garden,
in sorry, to, I don't know, the castle.
Yeah, the castle is very different.
Yeah, or to, I don't know where I've got this from.
But as soon as someone did, like, a weekend wedding in the Alps,
like with a winter wedding, or something, you know.
Yes, ski dad says, I don't know if I've seen this,
as well, it's very cool. Well, compare.
Like, so I think maybe focusing your social media,
you know, once you've got a venue and things like that,
maybe just stay a bit more focused on the venue,
on, you know, if you follow, if you've chosen your photographer,
look for inspiration from what they've done.
And they're realistic.
Yes. Obviously, what you're going to achieve.
Like, there's no point looking at Holly Clark's photos,
if you've got someone who's, you've paid £700 from the local art college.
You know, like, there's no point looking at her editorial,
beautiful photos.
Yeah.
And comparing, because you're just going to feel like your,
isn't, isn't up to the job.
But really, you know, your wedding is about you and getting married.
And your wedding is the best that you can have and want to have.
Exactly. And that's such an important thing to always try and remember.
Like, when you're sitting there doing scrolling the evenings,
wedding after wedding after wedding, or cake after cake after break,
you just got to remember that this is your day for you.
And it should be fun and exciting.
And our pleasure to put together.
Yeah.
And if it's reaching the point where you are just getting more and more upset
by what you're seeing on social media and the comparisons you're seeing,
you know, it's easier said than it is.
But it's in all aspects, as we said at the beginning,
all aspects of life, you know,
comparing social media.
It's just, fortunately, how we are at the moment.
But I think people are moving away.
I think the self-esteem of lots sort of being focused on people's mental health.
I think we've realised how it's not.
Yeah. It's not, and it's not all it's right.
It's not what it's cracked up to be.
You see a snippet of someone's day and that might be the first one.
What's it we were talking to?
I'm sure it was on the podcast.
We were talking to someone who said that they had their day filmed
and they looked miserable through the whole thing
and nothing went the way that they wanted
because they were so focused on the style and the aesthetic.
I can't remember who.
And they were so focused on the comparables
of their wedding to other peoples.
Yeah.
There was no nice photos of them.
Yeah.
Because they were just so upset and miserable
because nothing was perfect.
Yeah.
Some of these, it rained on their wedding day.
I can't remember exactly sorry.
That's a pretty rubbish.
But I remember at my wedding,
like it was everything I wanted and more.
Now I've been in the industry for so long
and it's, you know, eight years later.
I know that, oh my gosh, I would have done this.
So I compared back and I just need to do it again
when I've got a bigger budget.
Yeah.
And things like that.
But, you know, at the time,
you've got to really just focus on YouTube and what you want.
Yeah, I agree.
And I also think there's such a thing
on weddings being timeless.
Yeah.
I don't agree with this.
Yeah.
You think you chose to get married
in the year you chose to get married in.
Your wedding is going to fit within that year.
Like you cannot help there being subtle trends
and subtle things.
You know, bridal styles changed,
groomed styles changed,
care styles changed, how you look changing.
Yeah.
And I think that wedding should capture that moment.
Yeah.
In your lives.
But you can't look back on it in 15 years time
and it still looked timeless.
Like it just isn't possible.
This goal is trying to achieve a timeless wedding.
Yeah.
Doesn't happen.
I agree with you.
I also, I sort of view timeless.
Like when I use the word timeless,
I think more of reflecting you as a couple
not necessarily what's just trendier.
I view it as like making a timeless wedding
as in one that just truly reflects you.
Yes, there will be elements that are dated,
like bridal styles.
Yeah.
But as in timeless, not just
I want to trend wedding.
Yeah, as in I don't, but I hate champagne.
But just because it's trendy,
I'm going to do champagne tower.
Well, if you have a champagne tower now
and because you love champagne
and that just fits your personality
but in 15 years time,
people have moved on to something else.
Still think that wedding is timeless
because it was, you say,
it captures you at the time.
I think of timeless as more as like
anti just following trends, but safe fit.
Yes.
But I agree it's not timeless
because it's capturing a moment in your time,
but as long as it reflects your time at that time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And that's why you switched.
That's the same.
Better.
No, I don't.
No, it's just, yeah.
I guess people have different.
We do throw the word timeless around a lot.
Yeah.
But I think we tend to get people
with our clients who aren't necessarily
trend setters or trend followers.
You're getting married at home,
they're doing something
or either a lot of styles as well.
No, which is why, I guess,
I kind of think I do timeless weddings
because it's more just what reflects the cuff,
whether it's in trend or not.
I like that.
I like the way you use the word timeless.
It's very different from the way I use it.
I do agree.
It's like capturing a moment in time from their lives.
So yeah, basically,
when you're using social media,
you know, our top tip is to make sure that
while it's helpful, use it,
but as soon as it's not coming helpful
and it's becoming a bit overwhelming,
let's step away.
Step away if you can set time limits
for when you're going to look at social media
and then go, right, no,
I'm going to go out for a run now
or I'm going to have my dinner.
Something just to take your mind off it.
So you're not just in that downward spiral.
100%.
We had a really interesting question
from a listener that we kind of wanted to share.
Oh, you didn't get around to it.
I don't know.
No, no.
So I think now will be quite a good time to do that.
And the question was,
what do you wish more couples
ask before booking a plan on?
Oh, now I have had a thought about this.
And so me, I think the main thing is
is how the process actually works with a plan.
Because obviously we plan loads of weddings
or you know what the process is,
but a lot of people haven't even got married
so they don't know the ins and outs.
No.
I mean, as I know you do,
you know, I try to explain the process
how things happen as in
I would research the players,
give them a few options,
expectra like that.
But also I find that you can't sit down
and I had a conversation with another plan
of recently about this.
You can't sit down and literally list
every single sort of expectation.
Because otherwise it would be so overwhelming
for the couple.
If you sat there and said,
you will tell me like
the exact wording you want on the invitation
wants to give you some options.
You will write the envelopes
and post them.
I will track the RSVPs,
but then you have to chase your guess
if they're not RSVP'd.
I will put out lawn games
that you have purchased from Amazon,
but you need to buy them.
You know, but if you literally sat,
I went to every minute part of wedding planning
in that much detail of who's doing what.
I don't think you can really client.
No.
But I do think that just trying
to maybe, before you book a plan,
to find out how they work,
what their working hours are,
whether they're able to have like a spreadsheet,
whether you want email updates every week,
maybe just find out a little bit more about how it.
So I think it's really good to have an understanding
of how you want to work as a couple.
Because I like what you guys want to do,
Yes.
are you the type of people that just
are off an email at 11 o'clock at night?
Or are you the kind of people that want to have a regular call
and you start everything in that type of thing?
I think setting the expectations and the boundaries,
and then you can understand where your plan,
the way your plan works.
Yeah, as well.
Or find a common ground.
Exactly.
Because, you know, it's fine.
I don't mind receiving an email at 11 o'clock at night,
but I would not respond to it until I'm then at my desk
and I have all the information in front of me.
I'm not back on my sleep by 11 o'clock.
And it's the same thing too.
It's not, it's the same on WhatsApp as well.
Like I do communicate via WhatsApp with my clients.
Again, it's when I'm sitting at my desk.
Yes.
I respond from my computer.
What's your computer?
It's a great thing.
The other thing I think that clients, I find,
is they're very, and it's a tricky subject,
so get that, every fairy about a budget.
A hundred percent.
And go into most wedding plans with an issue idea of budget,
but no actual set budget.
And I think couples really, you want to know what your plan is.
Where's your limit?
Where can your bank account take you to?
That's so-
And doesn't match your ideas.
This is back to the social media thing.
You see things on social media,
and we've got to manage those expectations.
And I had a chat with them a supply of the other day,
and I said, it's really hard,
because you want to manage the expectations.
It's about my shit on their parade.
You're trying to, you know, I'm not here to go.
Sorry, you can't afford that.
No, you can't afford that.
You want to give them what they want,
but it's trying to do that within their budget.
Yeah. So definitely, I think that was a really good question,
and I think just having a better idea of budget
before you book a planner and also have a willingness
to try and understand how it works,
and find out whether that planner is right for you, exactly.
And next week, we are joined by another really lovely guest.
We're joined by the lovely Nicolette,
who is a singer and a pianist.
We look forward to speaking to you then.
Right, bye.