Welcome back to another episode of Getting Real with Bossy, the podcast that shows you what it's really like to be a business owner.

I'm your host, Kelly Busch.

And I'm your host, Kelly Metras.

And we're talking about our favorite thing, business ownership.

It's so fun.

It's so fun.

So I think we should just jump right into it.

Yeah, yeah, we're.

We're talking about how we manage others when we can barely manage ourselves.

So let's just be honest, really, there are days, weeks, sometimes seasons, let's be honest, where we're running on fumes.

You're supposed to be the leader, the one person to turn to for answers, stability, direction.

But what happens when you're barely keeping it together yourself, when showing up for your team feels like dragging yourself uphill with a back step backpack full of bricks?

And that's what we're going to be talking about today.

Because the truth is, being in charge doesn't mean being invincible.

And a lot of us, especially small business owners, managers, or really anyone juggling a million roles, are just trying to survive while we're also trying to guide others.

So if you've ever found yourself people, ever found yourself talking your staff in the morning and crying in your car by noon or, or your walk in or your office or whatever works, this episode is for you.

So let's cut into the mess, the reality, and some of the things that might actually help without the sugar coating, because that is not what we do here at Getting Real with Bossy.

We talk about what it's really like.

So it's a hard year.

We've talked about it already.

We know that we are in a tricky time here in America and it's really getting hard out there for business owners and business leaders.

And we still have to work and we still have to manage others and we still have to show up and it's getting harder and harder.

Well, and I think even for those that don't have employees, right, like, you still have to show up and do the job.

You still have to show up and deal with customers.

You still have to manage other people's emotions.

So I really think this topic is for everybody because sometimes showing up can just be getting your bills paid and it's hard to do.

It's been on my to do list for three days and I just haven't had the energy to sit.

It's not a difficult task, it's just depressing.

And I'm trying to be not depressed this week.

And I think, you know, Our staff are going through it, too.

The people that we work with are going through it.

It's.

I think we've always talked about being vulnerable with our staff.

I think we've always ran our businesses that way.

But at this point, it's really important, and it's very important to.

It's a fine line to walk between vulnerability and sharing too much.

But I think we really have to have those times where we sit down and open up that space for our staff to be able to come to us and say, I'm struggling or scared or what's our future like?

I sat down with a good friend of mine just a couple days ago who's.

She works in the college and what I think is a pretty stable industry.

And she's like, every day it's, do I have a job?

I'm like, oh, my God.

I totally didn't even realize her business structure.

There's grants involved.

And I'm like, oh, right.

It's crazy, crazy.

It is a crazy, crazy time.

And I think that.

And I'm going to use you as an example because I think it's a fantastic example, even though you probably hate talking about it.

I think when it comes to our staff and our customers and the public, they don't want to know about our vulnerabilities to the point where if they can't see them, they immediately forget about them.

And it's like mom and dad, right?

Like, growing up, like, you never thought of your parents as people.

You never thought of your teachers as people.

You never thought of your boss as a person.

You'd see them out in public and be like, oh, my God, right?

So you're like, they're this person that has their things together.

So that's the person we have to be all the time.

And there's times for open conversation, but there's also the reality that you can have this open conversation and they're gonna forget in an hour because they need something, and you're the person they have to go to.

So how do you not flip out and be like, I just told you, I'm having a mental breakdown?

Like, right, you have to keep going.

You don't have a choice.

You can be emotionally vulnerable, but you also can't.

And everything you look up on the Internet, we just did a blog about it, we've talked about it in the past, is how to take care of your employees and how to take care of yourself as an individual.

But there needs to be a new round of things that are how to take care of yourself when you're in charge of everyone else.

Because it's not just, oh, take a mental health day or go to the spa or those.

You could do those things.

Those mental thoughts are not going to change.

They're still going to be with you all day.

Right.

So I think we have to kind of deconstruct that expectation that leaders are going to always have it together.

Like you said, there's that.

That put together, but we have.

We don't always have it all together.

And I think we have to kind of acknowledge those times when we're not okay and in those moments, because ignoring those moments are really dangerous.

And I think we have to kind of talk about that.

The burnout, the fatigue can be incredibly.

It's going to be happening more.

So I think we have to talk about them and talk about them with our staff.

And that's kind of what I think for me, that authentic relationship that we develop with our staff and having these conversations because we have to be able to hear it from them.

Like, hey, you're reacting a little strong right now.

What's going on.

Because we need to acknowledge in ourselves and be able to hear it from our staff.

Because if we're not acknowledging those moments in these times where things are going to get more difficult, these could be potentially business changing business altering decisions we're making.

I think it's very important to make sure we're keeping an eye on these things because our mental health and emotional regulation are really important and tied into our business day to day.

And I think it's really important that we're honest to ourselves and our team and not just our employees, but our support people.

Your significant other, your best friend, your parents of, I'm not doing well.

I need support.

And support just might mean leave me the f alone.

Like, I just need to not answer the phone.

Like, my poor mother.

Hi, Mom.

She'll.

And she's like, oh, my God, are you okay?

And I'm like, or she'll listen to a podcast like this where we talk about how vulnerable we are and how bad things are emotionally.

And I'm like, no, I'm fine.

I just don't want to talk right now.

I don't want to be on the phone.

I don't want to manage another thing in my day, even if it's just a conversation, but just being honest with the people around you and being like, I just need to get through today.

Today is going to be a shitty day.

I don't have time, energy, or space to do the Thing I know I need to do for my mental health because I have to take care of all the people and make the money to pay the bill.

Hello, I'm Kelly.

And I'm Don.

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Really take time and talk to trusted people in your circle who know you, trusted people in your business and people who know you who and see you run your business.

What are those signs that you are getting burned out and acknowledge them and keep an eye on those.

I know for me, it's like when I get into, like, uber micromanagement mode, like, that's, that's me getting to that emotional, like, withdrawal, like I'm about to lose it.

I get, like, very micromanaging to the, like on things like I should not be involved in.

Like, that's when I know I'm getting close to points and I know that Amy can be like, I'm acknowledging that you're not in a good space right now.

What's going on.

But having those conversations, I think it's really important because I think we need to lean on our teams for things like that.

We always talk about how it's important to delegate.

Let's start delegating these things as well.

Let's really start working as a team.

We talk about how we all learn differently, how we all need to take direction differently.

Let's start talking about how, acknowledging what some of those triggers are and start working with our, our teams about that.

I think knowing what those are, we have to be on top of that because like I said, these are things that are going to really start affecting your business.

And if you're any type of business in retail or hospitality, this is going to be a tough year for that because people spending is, is not great and it's not going to get a whole lot better.

So we got to be on our A game.

So acknowledge what those triggers are and talk to your team about it so they can get, get on top of it and help you out with it.

And I know you said delegation.

That was on my list.

We talked in our last little episode, just you and I, about our list.

Right.

And those top things that you have to do and getting rid of the rest of it.

Delegate it, don't do it, throw it out.

But you have to do what's best for your mental health.

And if you're constantly doing all these little things, you're not going to be able to take a moment and meditate and just breathe and be in your day.

Yeah.

Delegation is not a luxury.

Like, stop treating it like that.

It's a survival tool.

Like it's, you need to treat it as just part of your everyday business.

And if you don't have employees to delegate to, there's AI, right?

There's, you know, you can have a, an AI schedule out your social media posts and do your email and, you know, if you just need that time this month, take that time and let AI do it.

I hate AI, but I'll use it if I have to because I just don't have it in me to think of a new email.

So I'll be like, you know what?

This month I'm just gonna be like, what's the email gonna come up with?

That looks fine.

Right?

And it's getting better.

And there's new, there's new programs out there and there's new platforms, depending on what your business is, that are incorporating AI.

And they're really, I mean, it is definitely the robots taking over, as my husband Don would say, but it is helpful and it's there.

Use it.

You have to go back and listen to the episode.

We talked about delegation because it is incredibly important.

You can't be doing it all.

There is just too much to do.

And when we talk about our teams, there are so many little things I think we can start doing to build more morale.

And I was trying to, I used AI as an example to just come up with a solid list of things to boost morale that were inexpensive or free.

Some of them are ridiculous.

But I think there's things that we can start doing, just little thank yous and specific, like public thank yous.

I know you've done a great job, Kelly, with this on your social media, with shout outs and just introducing your team.

I think with people we talk about right now justifying the spend.

You know, people want to, they're spending money very specifically now.

They're, they're really careful with how they're spending their money and they want to know how, who they're using their money, who they're spending their money with.

And I've always loved how you've done that, where you're introducing your team or so and so has worked with me for so long.

Like that stuff is so special and so important and it cost nothing and I think that's super important.

And collaborating with other businesses, like that's going to, I think that's going to be a huge thing this year and that's been growing over the last couple of years.

But I mean that's just doubling your social media plat your social media footprint.

I think that's going to be another huge thing.

There's nothing, it's easy, easy collaborate with people that are, that are, have like minded, like minded business with you.

What are some other things that's a.

Great way to increase your algorithm reach.

Right.

So whether it's links on your website to other businesses that link back to you or links on your social media are shown to, you know, new people.

So it's a great free way to expand your reach and help the local Rochester community or whatever community you're in.

I also would like you to do some surprise flex time, which isn't necessarily legal.

I'm not saying you should do this but, and I certainly don't do this if anybody from payroll is listening, but there are ways that you can offer some creativity with your flex time.

Maybe you could do that.

I'm not saying I do that, but you could probably figure out some neat ways to be creative with, with flex time.

Bringing in treats, that's a great way to do collaborations too.

You don't need anybody's permission to go to Voula's who has amazing sweet treats and, and tag her in a post like that's just wonderful, wonderful things to do.

Bringing in treats for your snacks.

One of the things was here, like let them, where is it?

Let them control the music.

And I have to say, you know, we have a jukebox at the restaurant and we let them control their music up until a certain point.

And one of my, one of my staff, one of my servers, Kim, she just, you know, she's like, I want to start doing themed nights on Fridays.

And I'm like, I don't think that's necessarily going to catch on, but if you want to, for sure.

And so we started doing them and we did like an 80s night and none of our customers really came in and dressed up, but we all did and we played 80s music and they all got a kick out of it and it Improved all of our morale and we had a blast with it.

And customers loved it.

They didn't engage with it, but it definitely boosted our morale.

And it's just little things like that.

They were super fun social media posts.

We bought low necklaces and candy necklaces and it was just super fun and it cost nothing and everybody got a real big kick out of it.

And it was great, like I said, great content for, for the Internet, so.

But you had fun little things like this and that's the so much fun.

Absolutely, absolutely.

I mean, when do I, when do I get to wear that neon tank top that for some reason still have like tearing through my clothes?

I'm like, where did this even come from?

All right, perfect.

But just like little things like that I think are so going to be so important right now.

And they cost nothing and they're easy.

To do and listening right.

When they have ideas, trying them, you know, unless it's something that you're absolutely adamantly doesn't align with your morals.

Like, if they have an idea, try it.

Right?

You know, talking to them like human beings.

Right now, I think it's more important than ever, like, just, how are you doing?

Like, have those sit downs, like, no, but really, how are you?

It doesn't have to be about work.

I think there's, there's a time for boundaries and there's a time for getting a little involved.

And I think now's the time to just get, get a little bit involved if you can, if you have the time and space for that.

But other things to kind of manage our stress.

I think there's a couple things I want to talk about.

Obviously we talk all the time about finding your people, finding your circle.

You have bossy, very important.

Find a person that you can just say things to.

I can't tell you how nice it is to be able to send texts to Kelly and then go, I don't even have to.

I don't have to.

I can just send whatever I want her.

I'll send stuff and go, did I really just say that loud?

I just.

It is so important to find a person in your life that you can just say whatever it is that you need to say and get it off your chest.

Especially like before meeting.

I mean, I have to have some hard, difficult meetings sometimes and just be able to get all the crap out first.

And I appreciate, Kelly, that you take the space for that sometimes even.

This isn't even about work.

And we've had some personal moments lately that I've had just Word vomit on her.

But have a person in your life that you can just be able to do that, that understands where you're coming from and who you are.

It's so important.

You don't.

You don't know.

You don't know the value of that.

So, from me to you, thank you so much, because that's invaluable, and I love that about our friendship.

But have that two really sweet things you just said steal.

Real sweet today, Kal.

It's feeling real sweet.

You're gonna make me cry.

And to anyone out there that doesn't have a friend that understands how it's life is like running a small business, email me@bossyrocketgmail.com and I will give you my cell phone number and you could text me anytime.

Absolutely.

I.

I agree.

It just.

It's so important to have that, like, little.

You need, like, a vent.

Safe circle.

I don't know if that's a thing, but I feel like we just need to have that where you just.

Because you just need it.

It's so important.

And dumpster fire socks.

Sorry.

Yeah.

Everybody should own dumpster fire socks for just the.

The days that I like to.

To talk about the times I'll sit in a meeting with Aaron and I'll look over and he'll have his leg crossed over.

I could see his sock, and I'm like, oh, he's wearing dumpster fire socks today.

Like, I didn't know we were in dumpster fire day.

That's just kind of like his trigger of like, I'm not having a great day.

I'm putting on my dumpster fire socks.

I love that.

That can be an alert to everyone else.

Like, I wear when I'm stressed out and I'm going into work, a lot of times I wear my shirt that says, you're bigger than what's making you anxious.

And the amount of people that love that shirt that come in, but I'm always like, I'm wearing it for me, not wearing it for you.

That's your.

I made a shirt that I'm anxious.

I made a shirt that says, your anxiety is lying to you.

And every time I wear it, people are like, I'm like, I will send it to you.

If you want a shirt that says that I will make them for you, I love.

It's one of my favorite shirts to make.

Because it is.

It's all a lie.

Yeah.

Other things.

Stop saying yes to everything.

Please.

Do yourself a favor.

That's such a hard thing, though, because we either you're, you know, you're starting out, or you're coming out of a five years of hell, or your products come from China and there might be twice as expensive.

You don't know.

It's so hard to say no to so many things as a small business owner because you don't know the thing that's going to work.

So you just keep trying and trying and trying.

And I would actually argue that I'd rather you set up boundaries in other places and delegate other things so that you can say yes and try those things.

Because that's just part of survival.

Right?

It's so hard to say no to.

Because I'm not gonna say no to a catering order.

I'm not gonna say no to a party coming in.

I'm not gonna, you know, and then people call in sick and then I gotta do three different jobs.

Whatever.

You're just gonna do it because it's your business and you have to pay the bills.

That's true.

So I like to tell people to say no.

But then I also realize that it's like not necessarily legitimate.

Right.

So stop saying yes to the things that get in your way.

I think it's a whole, the buy back your time thing.

You don't need to be on every board.

You don't need to be a part of everything.

So delegate those.

Delegate the nose.

All right, we're going to.

I'm going to rewrite that.

Rewrite that right now.

And something Kelly and I were talking about earlier today is those tiny little daily reset, I call them my reset rituals.

I've been doing, just taking little walks.

I've been.

When I get.

When it gets a little bit too much or I have to have a really rough conversation or I'm dealing with a situation, I just get out.

Especially now that the weather is changing, I say that.

And we had like rain just the other day, snow the other day.

It's just getting out and going out for a little bit, a little walk, getting out and just taking those little resets.

Get out of your space if you have the ability to do that.

If you don't.

There are so many great apps.

Like my husband has these different apps.

If you need some recommendations, bossy rockmail.com I can send you links to the Spotify playlist that he listens to.

And he has them on all the time, even when he's just working.

Sometimes he just has them in the back on his headset and just in the back of his mind just playing.

It's been really Helpful for him and his ADD for sure.

But like, I have a really busy day Saturday and a friend of ours is, has a new business or just a new building that she bought and she's having a sound bath and it's like not a good time for me.

It's in the middle of my day, it's like 6 to 7 o'clock, which is not, not a great time.

But what a wonderful opportunity.

And, and I'm doing it and I have to leave immediately after I do this rum tasting.

And it's going to be.

But it's such like, oh, I'm so looking forward to this.

Like, I have a busy morning, I have a busy afternoon, I have a catering, I have a party and then I have this sound bath and then a busy night.

And it's just wonderful.

Set up those daily little rituals if you can.

They've been making a huge difference in my hectic life lately and I'm so grateful for those.

And they can be two minutes, they can be 30 minutes.

And there are lots of studies that say being barefoot in the grass, being surrounded by trees, like, just find a path.

You don't even have to take a hike.

Like literally just find a path and go outside and let the sun touch you and just be for.

I was driving from Marshall to Union today and I had like an extra five minutes and I just went down to the water.

I didn't get out of my car.

I just sat there with the windows open.

I was like, I don't have to get to work early.

Like, nobody's expecting me.

I can just sit for like five minutes.

And then I sat for an extra 10 minutes and did emails for my phone because it was like, why would I leave when I'm just.

I don't need to be there yet.

Like take the time when you have it.

Why?

Why are we always in such a rush?

Oh, because we're overachievers.

Yes.

And have mental health issues.

Yes, we've discussed.

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Salinas.coms a l e N A S yeah, you're running like right through my list.

I'm like, this is my list too.

Like we didn't Even pre plan this episode, we both just jumped.

We really did.

Not at all a shitty month.

Somebody said or somebody said on a podcast I was listening to the other day to start prioritizing sleep like it's revenue.

And I didn't quite know what it meant until I just.

Right.

And then I was like, that's genius.

I was like, I need to start doing that.

So I'm taking that more because I can't always.

Sleep isn't always my friend.

So I'm taking that more like my rest.

But, like, I now, like, prioritize your sleep like it's revenue.

Like I tell it.

I'm trying to turn that into my.

That's part of my.

My daily mantra.

All right, we're going to rewrite that one, too.

Prioritize your rest like it's revenue.

Right?

Like I'm.

Instead of just sitting, like, I get into bed at a.

I'm trying to get into bed at a certain time.

And if I wanted to sit and watch tv, I cannot scroll it on the phone.

Like, I'm getting myself prepared and I'm getting.

Doing restful activities and not getting on the phone.

I'm choosing my.

My digital detox for those times I'm not on my phone at night anymore.

I'm trying to really treat that rest time like my revenue.

You know what I did for my mental health last week?

I went to Grayscale.

What did you do?

Grayscale.

So I took the Facebook app off my phone and I had to leave Instagram because I do the social media, but I can post to Facebook from Instagram, so at least it narrows down all the apps.

And then I was still on it.

So, like, I go in to check the notifications and then I end up doom scrolling.

And I was like, why do I keep doing this to myself?

So I went into Grayscale and there's my.

Everything's in grayscale.

Oh, look at you.

But yeah, everything's in grayscale.

It's super boring if I go on the Internet.

Super boring if I go on.

Let's see.

Hi, Sue, Sue.

Reuters at the top of my Facebook page.

It's super boring.

Not that Sue's boring, but, like, as.

You know, Sue's not boring at all.

Like, I'll still look at it and I'll still end up, like, watching things, but it's not as, like, mentally addictive.

Oh, that's.

And then I'll be like, this is stupid.

I love that.

I'm adding that to our list.

Go to Grace.

Go To Grayscale.

When I have to do like canva and like make ads, then I have to like, find the setting that's like deep buried in my phone to come out.

I tried to play wordle when I right after I did it, and I was like, oh, that's not gonna happen.

I can't play wordle on Grayscale.

Absolutely.

Can we run through your list?

Anything else?

I mean, it's pretty much my list.

I just think, you know, we are.

We're models.

I mean, not fashion models.

Some of us are fashion models.

But, you know, we're out there.

We ought to be modeling behavior whether we like it or not.

And we got to keep it in check.

I think we have to acknowledge that we are leaders and we don't have to be out there doing it all.

And we can be open and honest about when we're struggling and we can acknowledge where those breaking points are and what those triggers are and delegate and do all those things.

Help our staff through these hard times, have our staff help us through those hard times.

But at the end of the day, we are modeling.

And even if we're in survival mode, what values are we showing our team?

We can have that honesty.

We can have that self compassion.

But how are we going to model even on those tough days?

And how are we creating a workspace where people can also bring them their whole selves in?

And honestly, it's really important.

If we fall apart, the business falls apart.

So it's very important that we're honest with ourselves, other people.

So we did miss one thing.

Tell me.

Therapy.

Oh, business idea.

I don't know if it's out there yet.

I need a therapist that owns a small business because I love, you know, I love my therapist, but I have taught her so much about small business ownership.

No, I know, I know.

Yeah, it's like, oh, I never.

Oh, I.

I look at everything different out.

I'm like, well, that's great.

But yeah, maybe there needs to be some therapists that are small business owners so that they understand the struggles that we have.

Absolutely.

And the pressure.

I couldn't agree more.

But yes, therapy.

Find a good therapist.

If you need a therapist in his virtual so it doesn't matter where you are.

I can give you her name.

Just email us.

She doesn't know what a business, but she's amazing.

Yep.

Yeah.

That internal work, even when it's messy, is so important.

Therapy, coaching, journaling, mindfulness, whatever it takes to keep you grounded.

All of that stuff is super important.

I can't believe.

Yeah.

How is that?

How is that?

Because you're my therapist, Kelly, and it's nice to send snippets of the crazy things that happen that you can't necessarily share with the world to somebody who's not gonna quaff at it, and they're just like, oh, I totally get that.

Right?

I know, right?

Like crazy.

Well, my daycare downstairs just broke loose because I can hear them through the.

Through the headphones.

So I think the being quiet time is over.

All right, nice.

Reach out.

Tell us we are so follow us at Bossy Rochester.

Email us bossyrock gmail.com b o s s Y-R-O c gmail.com tell us what you want to hear about, and we'll get people on air.

Or if you want to be on the show, let us know.

And be bold.

Be the boss.