Most men have never gone through the step that actually turns a boy into a man.

The step where he separates from his mother and steps into his own authority.

When that step is missing, a man stays stunted.

His emotional spiritual development stays standard.

He's not able to form healthy and deep partnership, to embody true devotion,

true commitment, and true presence.

But this goes even deeper.

He keeps repeating patterns he cannot see.

A man who's still seeking the emotional approval of his mother, who feels guilty

of disappointing her, who shapes his choices around his mother's expectations.

Such a man simply cannot be in his true power.

He cannot be fully available for a relationship.

He cannot be fully committed.

He cannot lead with clarity.

He cannot embody the grounded presence required for real intimacy.

In this episode, we go beyond just exploring what the

mother wound in men truly is.

We go into the initiation that must occur for a man to evolve, and

how he can compensate for it now.

There is a real path forward.

We'll look at how the mother wound blocks love, blocks a man's power,

his capacity to show up fully, and also what can be done to restore it.

And for the women listening, I speak to you as well in this episode.

Later.

In this episode, I will guide you through what is actually

happening when you find yourself caught between him and his mother.

You will understand the dynamic, the pressure you feel, and what

choices you genuinely have.

Welcome to the Masculine and Feminine Dynamics podcast.

My name is Lorin Krenn, and I'm a coach, author, and hypnotherapist.

I help you to understand masculine and feminine dynamics at the deepest level.

Before we begin this episode, make sure you are subscribed

so you never miss an episode.

To sum up the mother wound in one practical sentence, it is the emotional

inheritance a boy receives when his mother over relies on him for

emotional stability or and identity.

When the father's presence is missing altogether or inconsistent,

the boy often becomes the emotional anchor of the mother.

He learns early on that he receives approval, he receives validation

for caretaking, for his mother's feelings rather than following his

own impulse, becoming or feeling like a secure man, forming his identity

as a man, carving his path, his direction, his vision, his character.

He learns from an early age that harmony is more important than truth.

His deepest inner impulse, intuition, and truth.

That, he learns that soothing a woman is more important than

staying rooted in himself.

This creates a man who is sensitive, but unrooted, ungrounded, kind,

but directionless, present, yet pulled away from his center,

which isn't true presence.

This early pattern shapes everything he does as an adult, including the way

he shows up in love, in leadership, in decision making, and in intimacy.

And we have to be very mindful here and distinguish, because some of you might

listen to this and think, what is wrong with wanting to soothe or please a woman?

There's nothing wrong with being genuinely there for a woman,

and helping a woman in need.

In fact, that's beautiful supporting, and all of that.

It's just when it's tied to receiving approval, receiving validation, and

forms a man's identity, then it's not coming from his deeper presence or truth.

It's coming from a deeper sense of pain and being stuck and

emotionally and spiritually stunted.

But let's go even deeper.

Ancient cultures understood something that modern society has forgotten.

A boy must be separated from the mother and guided into his

own and deepest power by men.

By one or more healthy masculine role models.

The first stage of initiation in ancient cultures was always a form of, we

can call it symbolic death, the death of the boy, so the man could emerge.

There is a threshold that had to be crossed here, and an internal

shift from dependency and the strong attachment to the mother to sovereignty.

It's not that a man then no longer cares about his mother

or never speaks to her again.

It's that his attachment to her shifts from boy, mother, to man who honors

his biological mother, but walks his own path and truth without placing his

mother on a pedestal, without needing his mother for emotional approval

or important decisions in his life.

Modern society has removed that initiation.

So I'm not doing mother blaming here.

it's challenging.

It's challenging for the mother, it's challenging for the son.

It's not really anyone's fault.

It's not like the matter consciously would do anything along those lines.

It's more that there this huge lack of initiation for men and healthy

masculine role models and fathers who are truly present, grounded and

embodi healthy, masculine energy is naturally leading to this.

And when this initiation disappears, a man's psyche remains tied to

his mother, his identity as a man.

So I'm not saying he's a boy because I'm shaming man.

Quite literally the boy in him is still alive, unchallenged, untested,

uninitiated, never having been separate, separated from his mother

to form his own identity, to form his own path, and then step into a very

different mature relationship with her.

One that is very different than a son and a mother.

A son needs his mother's approval and her her soothing.

A man should not need any of that.

When a man is calling his mother in need and collapsing onto her

or asking her about important decisions in his life, then nine

out of 10 times it's a mother wound.

The only time where there's an exception is if the mother is incredibly

at a high level of consciousness embodied, grounded in her power,

and can actually be a kind of elder.

That is different, but that is not the case for most people.

That will be a unique example, and that is why I say nothing is black and white.

But still, even if that were the case, a man shouldn't rely on his mother.

He should trust and be able to make decisions from his own core and own truth.

Otherwise, he will forever remain stunted.

And this boyish energy of the boy who is not, it's, it's not his fault,

who has never been initiated into a man shows up in very real ways.

It appears as a fear of disappointing women, an inability to say

no, an addiction to approval specifically from the feminine,

an emotional collapse in conflict.

Nice guy, people pleasing patterns, emotional avoidance.

Passitivity, the longing to be endlessly mothered and nourished,

and only receiving soft and perfect comforting, all engulfing love rather

than being met in truth and honesty.

And on the opposite side of the spectrum, it shows up as chasing

women, seeking validation, pursuing intensity, or trying to win the love he

never fully received from the mother.

Both expressions come from the same wound, both come from the boy who never

crossed the threshold into manhood.

In mythology and tribal tradition, the mother held the child close, but

she also understood that at a specific moment, the child must leave her orbit.

She allowed the elders to take him, and it was the opposite of

cruelty, it was actually protection.

Because without that necessary separation and identity, forming with healthy

masculine role models, the boy never learns to face discomfort, uncertainty,

challenge, or the kind of raw intensity that comes with masculine energy, creating

and building and carving your path.

Moving through obstacles, looking at the world and saying, okay,

certain things might be challenging, but I'm going to find a way.

Developing a strong, grounded spine that can hold a compassionate heart.

Without this confrontation, necessary healthy confrontation with masculine

energy that asks him to step up, he never strengthens his intuition.

His inner compass remains weak.

He becomes dependent on external emotional validation instead of relying

on the deeper knowing that only emerges through test, challenge, and initiation.

And, good example here is also men who've put a lot of relationships

with women, but not with other men.

That is a very telltale sign often that a man is seeking that nourishing energy

he most likely either didn't receive or overly relied on in his childhood.

Now he's perpetuating that he's afraid of really being with other

men who don't pamper to his needs.

And I'm not saying that women do that.

I'm not.

It's like it's a man to man, warrior to warrior thing.

It's, it's something archaic.

It's something really deep.

It's a woman's energy, by definition, is much more nourishing and compassionate.

It doesn't mean that the man is, is not compassionate, but there is a challenge,

a warrior spirit in it that a man can only ever truly receive from another man.

It is almost like as long as a man is in an unhealthy attachment with his

mother and hasn't experienced and walked through this threshold, he cannot access

the deeper voice inside him that tells him where to go and who to become.

He needs to separate emotionally from the mother to cross symbolically into manhood.

This is not done by just moving out of the house.

This is not done by creating his own life.

It's even not done by marrying a woman, creating his own family,

because energetically, emotionally, and spiritually, it can still remain that same

attachment, but now in a different form.

I have worked with a lot of men who are extremely powerful,

but this was the culprit.

This was the underlying issue in their life that didn't allow them

to truly commit and truly choose their divine feminine counterpart,

to truly show up for their family.

The matter was still so entangled, so enmeshed that there was just no space and

no access to that deeper voice and truth.

And it can impact all areas, but specifically intimate relationship

when it comes to devotion and commitment, showing up fully as a

man, that's where you see it the most.

Some men might still become successful in business, successful

in the external world, but in intimacy will always show up.

But for other men, it can be in both.

It can also mean that they never reach as far as they could in, in business

or their worldly success and their abundance, because they're unable to

make strong, bold, powerful decisions.

But that's not always the case In intimacy and relationship with

women always, it shows up 100%.

It's exposed.

That's why I'm so passionate about this work.

In other areas, it can still be hidden, but it might also show up

strongly in other areas and stand a man's growth and expansion.

And this ties into how it blocks a man's power, because power is the

ability to act from one's core.

A man stuck in the mother wound cannot take bold action.

A man needs to be able to make decisions assertively, decisively.

It doesn't mean he needs to do it on the spot and be impulsive about them.

There will be another challenge, but to be able to say, this is who I am,

this is what I want, without needing external people, not even his partner,

because otherwise it's all built on approval seeking validation and

being seen a certain way by others.

He needs to be able to form his own path, his own direction, his own vision.

And yes, he can take in advice and all of that, but that core, that essence,

that fundament needs to be there.

Because if that fundament is not there, then he's not truly a man.

Why?

Because he doesn't even feel like a man.

That's why many men feel like a boy in a grown up body.

There is something symbolic, archaic, and deeply primal about

this feeling, which turns out to be something very, very incredibly deep.

Power demands clarity, presence, self-trust, and the ability to

say yes or no with finality.

Yes, I want this.

No, I don't want this.

This is where I want to go.

This is who I am.

This is what matters to me.

This is what I prefer.

This is what I don't prefer.

It doesn't mean my way or the highway, but it means there needs to be a self there,

a powerful self that knows who you are.

Otherwise the self cannot be formed.

Otherwise, there is a boy who's looking for others to form and

create his self self with capital S.

His energy leaks.

He cannot be consistent.

His boundaries and energies all over the place.

His inner world is never fully his own.

And it's just not possible for a woman to feel fully chosen in a relationship

if he cannot be decisive, he doesn't have that foundation as a man.

Without that foundation, he just cannot hold space.

He cannot be fully there.

He cannot choose a woman fully, no matter how hard he tries.

That capacity is simply not there.

He can even meditate and do all kinds of things.

He needs to go through or compensate, which most men have to do, it's part of

the challenge of being a man in today's world, but also a great opportunity

to emotionally detach himself in a healthy way from his mother, to form

his own path, spirit and identity.

The path back to initiation or compensating for the lack of

initiation and loss of crossing that threshold is less about physical

separation, even though that might play a role, but emotional separation.

Because a mother can still control a son even if he lives

on the other end of the globe.

It's about emotional separation, which is a man who's no longer driven by guilt.

He doesn't feel responsible for caretaking the needs of his mother.

He doesn't live with that shame and guilt anymore, which already sets

free 80% of his power as a man.

I'm not joking.

80% of your power as a man, boom, available, set free,

sovereignty, full power, and fire.

This guilt that he's done something wrong.

He's disappointing his mother, it all chips away from his essence, his presence.

He's scattered.

He's got zero energy.

A man must free himself from the guilt.

Stop feeling guilty.

Because in the episode I did with Peter, Dr. Peter Saleno about narcissism,

he said something so powerful.

He said there is false guilt and real guilt, so to speak.

Real guilt is when you've done something wrong, you feel guilt as an informative

emotion, so you learn, I'm never gonna do this again because I don't want to

experience that reality, cause that pain be out of integrity, et cetera.

False guilt is when you feel a burden on your shoulders for something that

isn't even your responsibility, but has been somewhat made your responsibility.

There are many ways how this can happen, but none of that matters.

What matters is it's false guilt.

I release that guilt.

I don't need to feel guilty for choosing my path as a man.

I don't need to.

Feel guilty anymore.

That's a choice a man makes, and once he makes that, wow.

It doesn't mean it happens immediately.

He might still be drawn back into it because of challenging

family dynamics, but that's the journey where it all begins.

Free yourself of the guilt and everything transforms.

Another part is ending the search for emotional mattering

in romantic relationships.

No mattering in relationships, no positivity, but actually seeking a

woman who is honest with you, who will challenge you when you are showing up from

unconsciousness who will speak a truth, and to receive that, to breathe with that,

to stay present with that, to develop the internal capacity, to not run away

from that, but instead fully embrace it.

Another step is to, to learn, to make decisions from your core, by listening

deeply inside yourself, not listening to the mother, not listening to someone else.

Listen to your heart and truth.

Another step, your partner and new family always comes first, not your mother.

Enmeshment is when your mother comes first, but that means your

partner, your feminine counterpart, will never feel fully chosen.

She'll always be second, which is a horrendous dynamic for her, for you,

for the relationship, for the family, for every party involved, everyone is

in pain then, especially you as a man.

No more in between you and your divine feminine counterpart.

First comes her, later comes your mother.

And a good mother will always understand this and fact even encourage it.

Surrounding himself with powerful masculine energy that challenges

him to rise into his true power rather than pulling you into

performance or more passitivity.

Don't surround yourself with passitivity.

Surround yourself with high calibre men.

I'm not talking about the bullshit alpha nonsense bro energy.

I'm talking about men who have a strong identity, who feel secure in their mask

energy, who get shit done, who walk their path, who have direction, who are strong,

who can hold space, who have found their path and their direction in this life.

Surround yourself with such men, and wow, everything transforms.

This is one of the many reasons why I'm so passionate about the men's

groups and men's offerings I have.

Take these steps, do whatever is necessary.

It's an ongoing journey, everything starts to transform, and you reclaim

the initiation, the birthright, the threshold, the expansion

that was always meant to you.

Now, as a woman, if you are experiencing a dynamic where a man is overly emotionally

reliable on his mother, or you feel that his mother in some capacity stands

between you and him and the relationship and true fulfillment and intimacy, and

your intuition always knows something is wrong, if it doesn't feel right,

it's most likely true, then really all you can do is set the boundary.

And when you set that boundary, many women feel guilty because they

feel they're interfering in the relationship men have with their mother.

But you're not interfering with the relationship.

You're making a man aware of dysfunction.

That is very, very different.

The way you do these matters, but it's very, very important.

Rather than trying to explain to him about the mother wound, explain

how these actions impact you, how you don't feel his full commitment,

how you don't feel fully chosen.

Maybe even sent him this episode.

It might be much easier to hear it from another man who has

guided countless men through this.

But if the mother stands between you and him, something needs to change.

Otherwise, the foundation of the relationship is dysfunctional.

No matter how much love there is, no matter how much, whatever care there is.

This needs to shift for both of you to shift into the fully devoted, committed,

sacred partnership that you truly desire.

Trust your intuition.

You're not interfering with this relationship.

You are mirroring.

The emotional being, emotionally standard and the reclaiming of true

initiation and becoming fully a man,

Man's power is not found by rejecting his mother.

It is found by completing the developmental journey

that was interrupted.

Only then can he offer the presence, direction, leadership, and love that

creates true safety, depth and abundance in a relationship and in the world.

Thank you for listening to this episode.

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