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stress is really interesting because stress means different things for different people. So we did, in a previous episode, we talked about parallel parking. Well, some people get stressed by parallel parking, some people don't. So why is it, what is it? that makes different things stressful for different people? So that's what we thought we'd talk about today, and this comes back constantly to that message that we have about, there is no one size fits all, and that isn't just about stress management techniques. That's the same with stress, with nerves, with anxiety, with everything.

So stress is different for everybody. Yes, but what actually causes the stress then?

Okay. Well, generally stress is when there is a gap between what somebody wants

to do

or needs

to do,

and then what they believe they're capable of.

Okay,

So, If you need to get something done by a certain time or a certain deadline and you don't believe that there is enough time for you to be able to do that, then you'll feel stressed. So it's all about this gap between what you need to do and your ability to do it.

Okay. So going back to the parallel park, then, the parallel park causes stress, but what actually causes the stress is not the parking, potentially, it might be the lack of knowledge to do it.

Yeah.

But it could be the lack of knowledge and others as well.

Yeah. So it could be the fact that, you know, you need to park your car in this space between two cars. Yeah. But either you don't know how to do it. So a skills gap, a knowledge gap is always gonna create. Stress anxiety because You don't have that,

You haven't got the, you haven't got the information to be able to do it, have

exactly. You don't know what to do. And when you don't know what to do, you immediately feel stressed and you don't believe you have the ability. Yeah. But also there's that sort of like time deadline thing in there as well, isn't there? So if there are other people around, then you may feel that you. Need to do it first time, or that you need to do it quickly, and you might feel that you don't have the ability to do it first time or to do it quickly. Mm-hmm.

So they want to get out the way of others.

Yeah.

So th that causes them this, the stress is there and then they change what they normally do because something's happened. The stress is overtaking them.

Yeah. And if, if, you think about it, their primary objective

was

different, but suddenly this extra objective, this extra need to get out of somebody's way, overtakes. So

So it's, it's the, I'm relating it to some of the, the lessons and the teachings that I've done. It's the stress comes from. A gap. Yes. The gap is the important thing, and what we need to do is to reduce that gap. Yeah. And it's not my gap. It's the person's gap. It's the

Exactly. Yes. Because you could make an assumption based on what your caps are.

Yeah.

But that might not be the same as the person who's feeling stressed.

So it goes back to again, what they can control. Yeah. And what they can't control. Yeah. So they, they can control a car, but they can't control the emotions because they need to do it quicker. Yeah. And then it goes wrong. So there's a gap there. So what do they need to do to feel that gap? And I suppose that's the big question here, isn't it? You know, what can they do that's gonna. Reduce that gap. I potentially say reduce, cuz sometimes you probably might never get rid of that if the situation develops that way.

Yeah. So that old thing that we say all the time, the the old chestnut of do some detective work, what exactly is it? What is the gap? And how can you fill that gap? Can you fill that gap? Can you reduce that gap down? Now, the other thing that's important here is that you only get stressed about things that you care about. So if you are somebody parallel parking a car and you don't care how long it takes How many goes it takes you, how long you hold up traffic, whether you get it in or not, whether it is dodgy parking, whether it looks like you've dumped your car, rather than park in your car. If you don't care, you won't feel stressed. You only feel stressed when you care.

Thank you for listening. Find out about the different ways that you can work with us on our website www. confidentdrivers. co. uk and begin to transform the way you feel about driving.