Today we welcome Dominique Jackson, one of the world's leading trans models.

Dominique shares her story of overcoming incredible challenges when she was younger, about how she realized that she was transgender and how her family responded to that after she came out.

Dominique shares how her intuition helped guide her through all of her struggles, including some drug and alcohol challenges and paying down $10,000 worth of debt.

Dominique's story is inspiring, and you're gonna love it.

She shares how she's currently using her successes to publicly support organizations such as Destination Tomorrow in the Bronx and other ways how she's giving back to the community.

Don't miss this great episode.

There's personal finance for the masses.

This is not personal finance for the masses.

This is Queer Money.

Well, welcome back to another episode of Queer Money.

We are very excited and we are super thankful to have Dominique Jackson back today.

For those of our listeners who have been paying attention, we had some technical difficulties a couple weeks ago, which unfortunately deleted our original interview with Dominique, and she's kind enough to come back on and do the interview again.

Her story is so compelling and powerful, and we were so appreciative that she acquiesced and agreed to come back on.

So thank you and welcome.

Dominique.

Hi.

Thank you so very much.

It's awesome to be talking with you guys.

I had fun the last time, so it's no issue to redo it at all.

Cool.

Thank you.

That's great to hear.

So to give our listeners who aren't familiar with you, would you mind sharing a little bit about who you are and your background, please?

Okay.

So I'm Dominique Jackson, and I'm from Trinidad and Tobago.

I lived on and was born on the small island of Tobago and moved to the US in about 1990.

I was traveling back and forth before, but I moved here in 1990 after I decided that enough was enough with personal issues that I was having back on the island, which included my possibility of me transitioning.

Moved to Baltimore, went to Owens Mills High School, and then from Baltimore, I attempted to go to college.

But when you're attempting to transition and go to school, it can be quite difficult, especially if you don't even actually know who you are at the time.

It's very difficult.

Ended up in New York City, went through some hardships, had to start from the bottom, and was able to meet some great people and be dedicated to my goals.

And eventually I have been able to make it to this point so far.

So that was a nice recap of a very telling life.

Would you mind sharing with our Read a little bit or listeners a little bit about what you're doing today, what that ultimate goal was, as they may not know that you're one of the most successful trans models right now in the modeling industry.

Right.

I don't consider myself one of the most successful.

We have a lot of other successful models like Tracy Africa and Isis King Hareets, Wanza Laith, Ashley, Leah T.

But as far as for me, well, I came from not having the family support that a lot of successful trans women have.

And so I had to again, start from the bottom, which means that I went through homelessness.

I went through having to do survival sex work, which was, for me, absolutely horrible.

And then I was determined.

And in being determined, I had to realize that no matter how I made my money or where I made my money, I had to make sure that I knew how to budget it so I can use it to help me progress in life and not just be stagnant.

I started working towards a goal, and my goal was to be a model, but to have a job that I could have something to fall back.

Because trying to be a model, it's really just a dream, and it's God blessing for you to be able to actually make it.

I went through the struggles, I went through the hardships, through homelessness, met my husband and realized that we were going to stay together.

You know, after like two years, you're like, look, as many arguments, you're it.

So I decided that we needed to focus and, you know, and in order for us to focus as an alternative couple, as people would call us from time to time, whereas for me, I'm just a woman.

He's my man, that's it.

But for people, they put labels as this alternative couple, we felt that, you know, we could still make it.

We did not think that we could actually have an apartment for 20 years and not have any kind of public assistance or whatever.

We didn't believe that we could go to the grocery store without having some form of public assistance.

But yet every week we still ate.

So we realized that we were actually surviving and we had to eliminate certain things.

And that was the turn up, because you're upset because you can't pay the bill.

So what happened is we would get aggravated because we can't pay a bill or we have to pay a part of a bill.

And I would say, you know what?

I'm so frustrated, and I go to the store and I buy a bottle and we'll drink and then we'll wake up the next day and now Instead of having a bill that was a hundred dollars, now that bill jumps to 125 because of interest and late fees and all that stuff.

So I had to stop with the, you know, I only have this, and I need to pay this, but I'm still going to do that.

You know, I had to understand what sacrifice was for the greater good.

We both did.

My husband still, at times, doesn't realize that.

He'll come in the house and say, okay, I just need to buy tools.

And I'm like, no, not this week.

It's very hard when you have.

When all that you learn as a child is taken away from you, and then you have to now relearn how to budget.

I didn't have my family teach me about budgeting or teach me about, you know, what happens when you don't have your family's support, you know, so it was basically because I am the way I am, because I am a transgender woman, a woman of transgender experience.

Now all of a sudden, I wasn't able to budget my money, and the money I made wasn't good money, and I had to stop believing that and start believing that it's the same money that everyone else has, and I had to learn to use it correctly to my benefit.

Gotcha.

I want to take a step back, if we could.

Can you describe for our listeners a little bit about what it was like growing up in Trinidad and Tobago and starting to recognize that you are transgender?

So, well, I will tell you this.

I grew up with my grandmother, and growing up with my grandmother, she was a very educated woman, ran elections on the island, and she had station.

So growing up, I had that kind of privilege of, we're not living in a hut, our bills are paid.

So I kind of learned from her about paying bills and doing that aspect of it.

I'm telling you, the woman pays her rent, like, two months in advance.

When she did pay rent, saved money, built a house and everything like that.

But in admiring all of this about her and learning from her the skills that I needed to survive, I was also facing molestation.

I was being molested by my priest.

The crazy thing about it is that this man stood in front of the pulpit and denied the allegations that were set before him about being.

They said homosexual, but what they really meant was pedophile.

And those two get confused.

Even still to this day.

He talked about all of these, you know, how horrible the world was and how people could be so horrible to a man of God.

And so I was, of course, pushed into being an Acolyte, because now he redeemed himself.

And as I became this acolyte, I got the attention that I was looking for.

So for so long because everyone around me just kept saying to me, you're not a girl.

Stop acting like a girl.

And I'm like, I'm not doing anything wrong.

This is just what am I doing?

And so I had to try to force myself to become this.

It sounds so funny now when you look at me.

Try to become this male image and portray this male image and the characteristics and traits that men were supposed to display on the island.

I failed miserably.

So, no, I did.

I failed.

And people knew I failed.

So my past that I was getting now, I was being teased and bullied, but I was being molested versus being hit in the face or being kicked down gullies or stuff like that.

I found out that one of the people that were serving on the altar had passed away.

And in my country, when someone passed away from HIV or had an AIDS diagnosis, it was all the same.

It's just AIDS and they all gonna die and that's it.

And they're not afforded great medical care.

So this individual passed away.

When they passed away, it was a wake up for me.

It was like, you can't go back to your island because all that's gonna happen is they are going to keep doing these things to you and you're going to eventually end up being infected.

So even though I thought I was already infected, I still stayed in the US And I ended up staying in the US and realizing years later that I was here illegally.

I thought that once my mother got her green card that I was okay, which was not the case.

So I was with my husband and we could not get married.

So I had no safe haven.

I was just going day to day and trying to give back to my community because I said if I could influence anyone, because to me, at that point I had gotten really far.

I had come all the way from Tobago.

I didn't have to swim here, but it was a journey, you know, and I was able to live at least a part of my life.

So I wanted to give that back.

So I worked in organizations, nonprofit organizations, trying to give back and help.

And then by doing that, I realized that I still had the possibility of having a life.

And I went through some hardships again.

My husband and I, we were on the verge of splitting.

Then I went to television and, you know, it was a lot of emotions and a lot of things happening at that time and me feeling Like, I wasn't accomplished, and I hadn't accomplished anything.

And so I didn't see what I actually did accomplish.

And I was upset with myself.

He was frustrated, and we were both like, look, let's just, you know.

But that didn't work either.

Failed at that.

I failed at divorcing.

You failed at failing.

Yeah.

We realized again that we really did have to work together.

From leaving my island to where I am now, it was an extremely difficult process.

But all along, I realized that I had to be accountable for my actions.

And just because people said something to me, I could not let that hold me back.

And I could not use any little money that I had to try to put a band aid over the issues that I was having already.

Wow.

So you're growing up in Tobago, you're suffering from various forms of abuse.

You're starting to at least get the inclination that there's something different about you relative to the other children, and you come to another country and find out ultimately that you're here illegally.

I think for a lot of people, that could be a cocktail of combustion, where they would just devolve and make mistakes and not be able to progress in life.

How were you able to overcome those challenges and still pursue your dreams and still become a successful contributor to society and your community?

Oh, because I made the mistakes.

I made lots of them, from drugs to alcohol.

But the one thing about me is that from the time.

Time I was young, very young, there was this, like, intuition about me, that intuitivity that just I knew where I was going and where I was supposed to go.

And I was about five or six years old when I was dancing in my neighbor's yard.

Well, not the neighbor.

She's the woman, God bless her soul.

She used to do laundry for us.

Actually, my grandmother used to make me do the laundry with her and pay her.

So, yeah, it's an education.

Yeah.

So we were, you know, I was dancing in her yard, and I said, my name is going to be Dominique Jackson.

And it was about maybe like, 2012 when I was in therapy.

Yeah, because therapy is important.

You know, we go through situations and we think, you know what?

I'm fine.

There's nothing wrong with me.

Yeah, there is.

And sometimes we need to talk to someone.

So anyway, in therapy, I realized that I did say that my name was Dominique Jackson when I was younger, and my name had become actually Dominic James Jackson.

I also kept saying to myself, in my worst times, I just kept saying, you know what?

This is hard right now.

And I would Cry like a baby, I would be ready to give up.

I've even attempted to shave my own head and move back home, thinking that that would make me look, you know, more acceptable to my family.

And then I had to wake up and realize that I'm not looking for their acceptance.

I'm looking for their respect.

And if I don't have their respect, then I will never acknowledge the great things that are happening for me.

If I'm waiting for a bunch of people that will never accept me, to accept me, who don't even have life right themselves.

Through these hardships, you have to therapy, that really helps.

And with my therapist, I was able to relive a lot of the things that I promised myself.

I looked at television and said, one day you're going to be on television.

The weirdest thing is that back in like 1996, 97, I looked up at the Times Square billboards and believe me, they were nowhere anything close to what they are right now.

And I looked up at the billboard and I said, one day I'm going to be up on those billboards.

And the person that was with me at the time looked at me and said, you know what?

I think you will you keep it up, T.

Keep it up.

And I said, okay.

And last year, around this time, I was on the Times Square billboards.

So I had this intuition all along that I'm going to do this.

I'm going to do this.

And I feel like each and every one of us has that in us.

But sometimes we get impatient, Sometimes we don't realize that, like, for me, molestation and people may not get it, but being molested, being raped, having to leave my island, having to live here illegally, it was the lesson that I had to learn in order to know what it is like to experience molestation and rape.

So now when I speak to people that come to me for assistance, I'm not speaking from a college degree where I sat and did something.

I'm not speaking clinically.

You know, yes, I did go to college.

Didn't get the degree, though.

But I can speak to them from life experience.

And in these communities, what people need are life experience.

And this can provide jobs for many people.

Because, for instance, the person who has successfully been able to say, I'm an addict, but I no longer use would be the best person to help someone get off drugs versus the person who has never been there.

And I feel that if the person who has never been on drugs but got the college education and the degrees is in collaboration with the person who lived the experience and got over it or is dealing with it, that collaboration can really change, help, and help people progress, grow, and become better individuals.

Because it's not about being better for who your community wants you to be.

It's about being better for who you feel you need to be.

I think that's so powerful because I think, at least from mine and David's experience, part of why we attribute, in hindsight, why we acquired so much credit card debt and got into the financial situation that we were in is because, one, we were trying to make up for feeling less than inadequate and being bullied when we were growing up.

But then, likewise, when we found our community of other LGBT people and we were finally out on our own and able to truly be ourselves, we still felt like we had to fit in with the LGBT community.

Otherwise, we thought they might ostracize us if we didn't live up to their expectations.

So we did the fabulous vacations.

We had the designer clothing.

We had the fancy cars.

We did all that stuff because we didn't want to be ostracized, Just like you said.

It wasn't until we became okay with ourselves, and we realized that, well, all those things aren't necessarily the things that we want, that we were able to get our financial life in order.

Yeah, well, darling, listen, like I told you, I made the mistakes.

So I had the credit cards that I only paid the minimum, like, between 2000 and, like, 2006.

Your girl was rocking.

When I tell you I didn't think about.

Well, I thought about the family issues and stuff like that, but as long as I could flash my credit card, I'll go to the bar.

You want to drink?

Sure.

Everyone have a drink, you know?

And I'm making money as an entertainer, so on stage, I make a little money.

So I'm thinking to myself, oh, I'll pay that back tomorrow.

Then we started snowboarding and skiing, and of course, like you said, fear of ostracization.

We go up to the mountain, and everyone else around us is talking about just barely making it to ski.

Right?

Things are hard.

This is around 2006, 2007, and my husband and I are on the mountain.

New outfits, new boards, new bindings.

Then we bought skis.

First.

That was about $1,800.

We went on vacation.

Then we came back the next year.

We were buying season passes, and every week we were going up to the mountain.

And until I realized that I was doing that to compensate for all the loss, it was like, okay, I'm Going to make up for being homeless.

I'm going to make up for this.

Look at this.

I'm enjoying my vacation like everyone else.

I wasn't thinking about having to pay it back.

I thought I would be able to have all the time in the world to do that.

And then I hit about $10,000 worth of debt.

And I think something just clicked inside of me.

And again, intuitively, I said, you know what?

From now on, my paycheck is going directly to the credit cards.

And in 2006, I started to pay about $900 a month into my credit card debt, and it still wouldn't go down.

But I had to stop everything.

No shopping, skiing and snowboarding was put on.

We had a specific time to do that.

So it wouldn't be every Sunday, and then two days in between, it would really be every Sunday or every other Sunday.

And that also drove a wedge between my husband and I because he didn't realize I was trying to save money.

He didn't realize that I was trying to look towards the future.

And then the credit cards became $3,000 apiece, then they became $4,000, and then I wasn't using them.

I wasn't working, and the interest was still piling up because I was just paying the minimum.

And then when I eventually I consolidated my cards, and that's how I was able to get back on my feet.

It took me 10 years just to get rid of $10,000 worth of debt.

I don't want to go back.

No doubt, no doubt.

So it sounds like if I picked up on it correctly, you and your husband weren't necessarily on the same page, at least immediately.

How did you guys get on the same page?

Eventually, so the only way for us to get on the same page was for him to stop touching anything at all.

Go to work, make the money, come home and give it to me.

Here's your allowance for the week, and this is what we'll work with.

And so for a very long time, it was bad.

He would have to go to work.

And he always worked.

That was one thing.

Very, very much dedicated to work.

I mean, like, he got hit in the head and was in the hospital almost, he could have lost his life.

He was in the hospital, would not wake up or anything.

And as soon as his bodily clock went off at 6am and he jumped up and was ready to have a fit because he couldn't find his uniform to go to work.

So work is a very.

Like, he's at work every day on time and will stay Late as an auto mechanic.

But so for me, I had to now take that salary and now realize that I had to budget, which is one of the worst words that you can say to anyone who is needing escape from trauma and all of life's trials.

And you're gonna say budget?

Yeah.

He just felt like, look, we don't have to pay the credit card bills.

We'll file bankruptcy.

They'll forget about it.

Because there was this age old, this myth about after seven years, if you don't pay your credit card bills, they all get erased.

So he realized that after three or four years, there was no erasing it.

When they sent us in the mail that we had to go to court, we were being sued.

And my grandmother never had debt collectors calling her, and debt collectors started calling us.

When are you gonna pay this money?

When are you gonna.

And it just.

It was annoying, and it was embarrassing.

And so I just took time and time and started to pay.

Then I had to pay for his school loan.

So when you add that to it, we're talk about $20,000 in debt.

And in the past 10 years, I just dedicated every dime.

We had to eat.

We didn't go to dinners or anything.

I'm still mad at him for that, though.

But there were no.

Yeah, I'm still seriously upset.

We have had no dinners.

It was just me making the plans for us to go snowboarding and stuff because I had to take his salary.

My husband always paid the bills late.

He had the black man attitude, which is like, they can wait.

I'm gonna pay it when I can.

He's like, I have to enjoy myself right now.

And I'm like, no, honey, if you don't pay the bill now, it just goes over to the next month.

And so I have to start with small steps, like, no more paying part of the Con Ed bill.

It doesn't disappear.

No more paying just the minimum on the credit card and then thinking, you can go use it the next week.

It just doesn't.

It.

You know, you have to grow up.

But I think that my experience, my trauma, what it did teach me is that I was strong enough to survive.

Because every day that you wake up, right, you wake up one day and you say, oh, my gosh, before you go to bed, you say, today was horrible.

This was the worst day of my life.

And then you wake up the next day, and you're there.

You're here, you know, so it wasn't the worst day of your life, and you made it through it.

You know, we have Worse days to come, right?

Studies show by the CDC and other sources that LGBT people struggle more with alcohol and drug addiction than general population.

We attempt suicide more than the general population.

And it sounds like you had your own struggles in life, and I think a lot of those kinds of thoughts and challenges can oftentimes deafen what our goals and dreams are.

But it sounds like it never got so hard that you lost sight of what your goals and dreams are.

How did you overcome all of those challenges and still be able to aspire?

I lost sight.

I did.

You know, like, when I tell you I lost sight, I was like, I'll never be a model again.

I'd never work.

I just.

I wrote my book for therapy.

You know, Again, it was all intuition and belief.

I had to believe that it was a test of my ability to survive, and that is how I was able to get through a lot of it.

And even today, it's how I live my life.

I love challenges.

Not too many.

I love challenges.

And these challenges help me to test myself and to realize, well, how far can you go?

You know?

And I believe that the human mind is.

The brain is really an amazing organ.

It's an organ, right?

Yes, it is, right?

It's an amazing organ.

And I believe if we were to be able to tap into it, both spiritually and scientifically, we would be able to reach greater, even greater heights than we have now.

People tend to when the going gets tough.

We tend to wallow in our despair.

We tend to say, okay, well, I was trying really, really hard with this project, and it didn't work, so I'm done.

I give up.

No one wants me to succeed.

I'll never succeed.

Those moments come, but in those moments, you have to be able to process the situation and say to yourself, okay, yeah, I failed at this part, but there are other parts that I can work on.

So if you feel like you're a carpenter and you can't get anything to line up correctly, then maybe you're not a carpenter, but maybe you could be a mason.

And then again, there's always that little thing inside of you that tells you where you're supposed to go when we look at children.

And this is one of the reasons that I love about today's society, is that people feel that children are too free.

And my doctor said the other day in an interview, she said, we need to let children lead when it comes to their identity.

And parents don't do that.

Especially in the black community.

We talk about children leading.

It's more like Be seen.

Children are seen and not heard.

And then they become just plain old rude.

Because everything that they want to accept, express, is contained by these images that our parents want us to project.

So now you have people that are growing up, and they're bringing all of that trauma with them.

Our parents taught us, oh, you have to save.

You have to do this, you have to do that.

But if on top of that, your parents tell you that you're an abomination and you're nothing, and because of what you are, you'll never become anything, then why would I want to save money?

Why would I want to think or even set goals for myself when the people that are supposed to care for me and love me are telling me that I will never become anything?

I had to get through that part, and I had to realize that no matter what, I still had to be me.

If someone tells you something about yourself, the only way it really becomes true is if you embrace it.

Wow, that's great.

So you were able to overcome all those challenges and stay true, true to your goal, even though eventually there were ebbs and flows, of course.

What was it like when you finally got that first modeling gig?

Well, I've been modeling since I was, like, since.

Oh, not like I was.

I'm not telling you my age, even though.

But I started modeling ever since, like, 1993, when in Baltimore, someone said to me, oh, you're going to wear my clothes.

And I got there thinking they would put me on as a male model, and they had me in female clothes.

They were like, no, you're a girl.

Wear the dress.

Through the years, it was like, slight, slight.

But then in 2009, Adrian Aliceya made me one of his resident models and put me into Mercedes Benz Fashion Week.

Before that, I worked with Darius Wobel, and it was a matter of, I guess, the.

Not only the right place and the right time, but I also had to put into work, as in taking care of myself, doing a lot of free shows.

And when I tell you a lot of free shows, let me tell you, if you could get a trophy for working for free, I would have a storage compartment of trophies for working for free.

And every.

I just had to say to someone, like, two nights ago, I'm like, I've been doing this for 20 years.

You mean to tell me, because he said to me, oh, you're a model.

You still need to pay your dues.

I said, I was like, do you know how much dues I paid?

I need a tax return for that.

That's Great.

And can you tell our listeners a little bit about your experience being on Strut, where that all came from?

Gosh.

Okay, so it all started with a high five.

My sister Claudia.

I'm so serious.

My sister Claudia and I went to this W Charity Foundation.

Jennifer Hudson was there, and we were showing off what ballroom culture is about.

And we were walking this category called Runway in bridal attire.

And we high fived each other, even though we were in competition, you know?

And that sent risks throughout waves throughout the community.

Not rifts.

Waves of just pure joy.

Because usually women, especially women of color, are constantly competing against each other because of the way society sets us up.

So I wouldn't say, oh, she's a beautiful woman because of who she is.

What I would say is, oh, she thinks she's all that.

When in all actuality, I'm just probably jealous of her hair or something like that.

So, anyway, so we made this union that was really beautiful to our community, and she forwarded me to Cecilio Esconcion, who was doing reality series with models.

And again, intuition.

I signed on.

Still had some reserves, but I still signed on.

And we shot in April, the Sizzle.

By November, we were filming.

He opened the agency.

Then he opened the agency Slay.

He was like, look, everyone's doing all this other stuff.

Why not just have an agency for trans women where we don't have to deal with, hey, I'm trans all the time, right?

So he set us up, and it was like, okay, it's all out in the open.

And then before we knew it, so 44blue picked us up, and the next thing we knew, we were shooting the Sizzle.

Oxygen was interested, and then we heard that Whoopi Goldberg and Tom Leonardis were interested, and I was just sold.

I was like, I don't even care what y'all are paying me, but this is going to be great.

But still pay me.

And.

And we went from there, but throughout, we were still getting modeling gigs and stuff like that.

Then when Strut ended, I kind of figured that we wouldn't be going back because, well, first off, we only had, like, one fight.

Like, one glass of champagne thrown, and we were all like, oh, gosh, no, we cannot have that.

That is not us.

We're not doing that.

And America said, if these bitches don't start attacking each other, you will not be back for season two.

That was not us.

You know, we wanted to show the world that we do work and that we're all not just sex workers and that we do have to fight against the stigma, but we can still make it.

And for me especially, I wanted to show my brothers and sisters that come from that deep faith that your faith isn't gone.

You can't allow anyone to take that.

No one has the power to give or take God from you.

And for me to be on Strut and to be able to say, look, my family doesn't accept me, it hurts.

But I know that there are those people that come after me that are going to say, wow, you know what?

I can still make it to.

My mom thinks I'm a dog, but guess what?

I'm still going to go forward and do what I need to do.

So Struck was amazing.

I really loved my Drunk episode.

That was the first time I was able to be vulnerable, really, on television.

It was amazing.

Oxygen was really great to us.

So was Whoopi and Tom and Cece.

And now we're working on other projects, which we can't talk about just yet, but you will see.

And then, you know, as the year went by, I work with Macy's.

I shot a film for Sundance called Tea Times, and on top of that, I work at Destination Tomorrow as the director of programs.

That's awesome.

So I just want to take a step back.

I think it's so powerful that such a great opportunity as Strut came your way from your inherent mentality of abundance.

You said that even though you were competing, you were still sort of supporting each other, and that sent waves through the community.

Whereas very often we go into those situations.

It's inherent with black women, but I think it's inherent in a lot of us that if somebody else gets something, then that means there's less of it for me.

Exactly.

You got that one right on point.

Well, I think I get it on point because I still struggle with it myself.

I think a lot of us are still trying to work through that, but I just love how such a great opportunity came from what should have been maybe a little bit more competitive situation.

But you were more supportive of each other, and everybody sounds like one from that particular situation.

That was the thing about it, too, also, because we saw parts of it where it seemed like we said we were competing against each other.

And what that was was, of course, when you go in for a part or for a role or to be cast as a model, you are in competition.

But we never really saw each other as competition because we all looked different.

So we always used to look at each other like, how could I be competing with you?

You're like four shades Lighter than I am.

You have no hair, and I have four weaves going on.

So, you know, so when one of us got a gig, it was basically, look, you got that gig because it was a gig for you.

And this is what I tell all my aspiring models and everything.

Don't despair when you don't get a part or you don't get well.

Actually, yes, despair just a little bit, because then that helps you to make yourself better for the next time.

And that was another thing, too.

Every time I have to go out for an audition, and even working here at Destination Tomorrow, it's still always a constant interview or audition or something like that that you have to use to be able to hone your skills and pull yourself through.

Right.

They're all challenges to make yourself a better person.

Oh, yes, they are.

It shouldn't sabotage you, but you should use it as a lesson to say, what could I do differently or better next time when that opportunity presents itself?

A lot of us don't do that.

We don't question what we did.

We always try to find someone else to blame.

Right.

We try to other the situation.

We don't own it ourselves.

So our listeners might have picked up on this, but you've mentioned Destination Tomorrow a couple times.

A couple of episodes ago, we had Sean Coleman on our podcast.

He is the founder of Destination Tomorrow, and they do an amazing job helping the lgbt.

LGBT community in the Bronx, especially for the transgender community.

And do you mind sharing with our listeners your role in Destination Tomorrow a little bit, please?

Well, I was a part of Destination Tomorrow for a few years now, even before he began hiring a staff.

And I saw that this man was really dedicated.

I've known Sean for close to 20 years or more.

He's like a big brother to me.

First, then he's my boss.

And I really just wanted to help him with fundraising and stuff like that, because I have been working in nonprofits for quite a while.

Even when it was just a stipend, even with no green card, you know, they found ways to help me help my community.

Whether it was just like giving, donating food to my house or whatever, we tend to find ways to survive.

One night, we happened to be at Eric Schneiderman's engagement.

And not engagement as in marriage, but he had a function.

Sean was driving me home, and he says, you know, I want you to come work for me.

And I said, well, I can only do, like, 10 to 15 hours per week because I still have a career.

And he goes, okay, no problem.

And then one day, I Walked into a meeting, and he says to me, and he says to the.

To the people we're meeting with.

Welcome to Destination tomorrow.

I'm Sean Coleman, the executive director, and this is my director of programs, Ms.

Dominique Jackson.

And in that moment, I realized that God knows, I must have trained myself a lot as an actress for a very long time, because I just kept going with the beat.

And I've been the director of programs now for about, what, four or five months.

It's amazing, because now, as someone who has lived the experience, I get to help those who are trying to live, because when I see these young women and men come in here and they talk about doing survival sex work, they're all looking for a way to get out of it.

The services that are provided to them are all great on paper, but in actuality, they're not getting anything.

So you have people that are living in shelters with no possible way to get an apartment.

And so now we come in, and we have to advocate for these people and make sure that they are helped and they have the right referrals to doctors.

You will be surprised at how many people in our community are taking hormones and have not been to a doctor.

You'll be surprised to know how many people that are gay and lesbian experience that have not been to a doctor in years because of stigma, because of fear.

There are trans women who go to the doctor, and the doctors don't even know they're trans.

And that boggled my mind until my doctor told me with his own words that he was seeing a patient for about three to four months until he told her he couldn't see her again unless she allowed him to do a full exam.

And that is when she told him that she was trans.

Wow.

There's so much I want to follow up there.

First, you mentioned that there are transgender men and women who are.

Have never been to a doctor, but they're taking.

They're prescribing themselves their own hormones.

Yes.

Yes.

Yeah.

That is a problem that we've had throughout time and before we did it because we didn't know any better.

We couldn't get the doctors.

And now the reason for them not doing it is one, sometimes the doctor's hours are not convenient for them because when they walk into that sitting area, the staff may be trained beautifully and understand pronouns and identity and everything like that.

But the frontline staff, we still have to get past them.

And sometimes they can be really, really, really rude.

Then you have those that are dealing with mental illness.

They don't Understand that they have mental illness that can be helped.

They just feel that they have mental illness, and they just need to stay to themselves or live in a corner or they can't deal with it.

They don't have doctors that are patient with them.

They don't have people that are patient with them.

We have people in our community who still now are turning 50 years old, who still don't know how to read and write, people in our community who don't have a GED because they cannot go into the.

Into the environments where these programs are being offered and feel safe.

We have.

And this is the weirdest thing.

I don't get it.

Trans men and women being raped by people who are supposed to dislike their life or feel that their lives are wrong.

And these are happening at shelters.

These are happening just in New York City alone.

It's happening.

So can you imagine what happens in cities that are not safe cities, sanctuary cities?

Could you imagine what a transgender girl in Idaho is probably going through?

Wow.

I take it that destination tomorrow, at least in the Bronx, is sort of acting as a conduit or an advocate for these LGBT people, transgender people in particular, to find the right doctor, whether it's for therapy or a physical doctor, find the right hormones.

Primary care.

Primary care, as a transgender individual needs to be near a doctor.

Okay.

At least seeing a doctor at least three to four times a year and a minimum.

Their blood levels that have to be checked because you're injecting either estrogen or testosterone into the body, and the liver needs to be checked.

The kidneys need to be checked.

Dosages need to be manipulated to address the hormonal needs of that specific individual.

Right.

Because one person's dosage is probably not the other person's dosage.

Right, Exactly.

That just poses.

I can imagine so many problems if you're taking the wrong dosage or maybe not the right combination.

Some girls, they can take hormones, and it's the type of hormones you're taking.

Their different types.

Some can take pills and get the same results as the injection.

You know, there are other things.

There's a big thing now about silicone, where girls have been injecting silicone, some to a degree.

Some of us have done it a few times and said, no, that's not for me.

I'm not doing it again.

And others have gone on to build entire body bodies full of silicone on top of their frames, and now they're having complications, and it's time to have it taken out.

So these girls need to get to Doctors in the Bronx here, we're trying our best.

So if someone is from out of town or something like that, and they come in, you know, we can see how we can refer them or help them.

And again, also, it's about insurance, so.

And we work with some doctors that are really.

We work with Montefiore.

We work with Metropolitan and nyu.

Wow, that's great.

Specifically.

Yeah, that's great.

So Destination Tomorrow and organizations like Destination Tomorrow are doing such great work for our community.

And I want to commend you and Sean and your entire team for all the work that you do.

I know that you're a busy person.

I have a couple more questions.

I have two more questions from listeners of our show that I wanted to make sure I asked because I think they're important for our community and those not in our community as well.

But Sarah asks, how would you advise parents of young kids to support their kids if they think that their children might be transgender?

So the thing is, when your children are toddlers, right, we start dreaming about what we want for them, and at times, we start to push, project onto them, into them, what we wanted to become ourselves.

We have to look at our children and see where they go.

Let them lead when it comes to gender and all that stuff, because we're not even dealing with sexuality at all.

They're too young for that.

So don't assume that your child is transgender because they may want to wear a dress.

It's the mind.

The mind is curious.

And as a child growing up in these ages, we don't know what our children see.

We think we're guiding what they see, and we're filtering it, but we don't know what they see.

We don't know exactly what they have.

So for us, don't put a label on it yet.

Don't think, oh, my God, my son is wearing dresses.

So you know what?

He's a girl.

I'm taking him to the doctor.

We're going to get gender blockers.

No.

Give your children time to express themselves.

Show them.

Explain to them what gender is.

Explain to them what identification is, and let them know that no matter what they decide, it's okay.

But they must be able to have an independent life, a quality of life where they don't have to worry about paying their bills, where they are civil members of society.

That's what's most important.

Who they sleep with or with whom they sleep.

Whether it's 1, 2, 3, or 6, don't even think about that.

Just think about getting them to have Quality of life by allowing them to experiment and decide the things that are right for them, for them.

At times, not all the time.

Sometimes.

Absolutely.

I think that's great.

To me, what it comes down to is let your child grow up as they are and just let them know that no matter what they discover about themselves, you will love them and you will be there for them, and you will give them every opportunity that you can to help them be as successful, whether they're a boy or a girl or whatever they evolved to be.

And I say this across the board because look at kids who.

If you have a kid who has a tendency to want to kill things, then you would want to take that child to a therapist at some point in time.

A lot of times you would sit back and watch.

A lot of times kids will go, oh, what do you do?

You put a rifle in their hands and you tell them, go hunt.

Right.

So kids are like, oh, they killed this.

Or they look like they want to hunt through the yard, or they playing cops and robbers or cowboys and Indians.

You can just tell how old I am by what I just said.

Right.

And, you know, but in a situation like that, we don't say, no, no, no, don't touch guns.

No, you shouldn't touch guns.

Those are bad.

No, you're going to hell.

It's an abomination.

Don't touch the gun.

We buy them a rifle and we say, go hunt.

Yeah, you're a man.

But a child puts on a dress.

A boy puts on a dress.

Male assigned at birth puts on a dress, and we say, oh, there's something wrong.

It's negative.

It's crazy.

And then we want to pack them with all kinds of drugs and stuff like that to get them to change and do conversion therapy and stuff like that.

Let him grow up.

He may wear a dress to school for three months and then decide, oh, my gosh, I only like pants she might like.

You know, she might like wearing a tie to school because she's just.

And people don't realize that at some ages, kids are just emulating the parents that they feel closest to.

So.

Or they feel that extra connection.

So a young boy might start wanting to learn to cook because he's spending time with his mom in the kitchen.

It does not mean he's trans.

It just means he likes to cook.

Yeah.

You know, so we have to be careful not to be, you know, over analytic about these things and just let kids grow up.

Right.

I think that's powerful.

Thank you so much for sharing that, Cassandra.

Asks, and this is our last question, being transgender, do you ever model for both sides, male and female, or do you just stick with modeling as a female?

Well, see, that's a fun question.

I'm glad you think so.

I was apprehensive to ask it.

No, it's a fun question, because when you are transgender, at times, you.

Okay, I can speak for me, right?

If I'm at work as a model, I'm a model.

So there's.

For me, there's no male or female, really.

It's the designer's vision, it's the couturier's vision of what they see.

So if they want to put me in a men's suit and go down the Runway, it's because that's the story they want to tell.

Now, if they come to me and specifically say, I see you as a male, so you're walking in my male line, then we'll have a problem.

Got you.

So from your perspective, it would come from the intention?

Yes.

It's about.

If your intention is to embarrass me or to say to me, okay, look, this is what you were, and I'm putting you on this male line because I see you as male.

That's an insult.

But if your entire collection is about an ode to masculinity and all of the women are wearing masculine, esque type of clothing, then it's a part of my job.

But if it's another an ulterior motive, then, no, you're embarrassing, and we will have a problem.

Right?

Yeah.

I could see how that would be fun if, you know, with the right opportunity.

I mean, you know what?

People need to stop thinking that because you're transgender, you, like, hate the male side, you know, or the female side.

It's not a matter of hatred.

It's a matter of being who you are.

I wear T shirts, sweatpants, anything I want, because I am now comfortable being the woman that I am.

Right.

So what I wear does not make me.

So for me, I would say 2004, if you put a pair of sweatpants on me or a pair of sneakers, I felt like I was male.

I felt like I was reverting.

So I had to now understand my sexuality.

My gender identity had nothing to do with what I wear.

That's just the way I express myself.

Gotcha.

And I emulate.

And I love Grace Jones so much, and Grace Jones has had this androgynous thing about her.

That's why what I love.

So, yeah, androgyny is great.

Give me a man shirt and a tie.

I'll put that on, we'll pose, we'll have a great time.

But force me to wear it and then we have issues.

Well, that's good to know.

Dominique Jackson, thank you so much for coming back.

I cannot wait to talk and spend some time with you again in the future.

And we're super excited to see what the future beholds.

It sounds like there's some great things in the often and we're looking forward to see what.

What all that beholds for you.

Oh, thank you so much, my love.

Take care.

Thank you for having me.

Take care.

Okay, bye.

Bye.

Bye, bye.

Thank you, Dominique, for giving us another chance to tell your story.

It's quite a powerful story for our listeners.

I think one of the biggest takeaways that I got from this particular show was how Dominique used her struggles to make herself a better person and how she used those challenges that for some of us might seem insurmountable to make herself a better person and get to where she is today.

I also loved how she always had a mentality abundance.

She didn't think in limitations.

She didn't think that she couldn't prop and support her other sisters in the modeling industry up.

But she had a mentality of abundance and she was able to celebrate other people's successes and not think that their success distracted from her success.

There's very powerful applications for our lives.

We want to thank our listeners who shared their questions and we hope you got the answers you were looking for.

Likewise, if you like this episode or any other Queer Money episode, please remember to comment on, like and share share Queer Money on itunes so that we can get this show to other LGBTQ people.

Thank you.

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Well, I'm not really gay.

Would help me if I had a personal chef made all me personal females for me, right?

So instead I'll have a Snickers tonight for dinner.

The other end.

I like the butt.