Unknown 00:00:05

Hello, hello and welcome to the Borealis

experience. I'm your host Aurora, life coach and companion

on this beautiful journey called life. I'm so happy to be

spending some time with you today. I hope you can just

either go about your business and listen to my episode here.

Or just take a breather and sit down, lay down on your couch,

focus in on your breath and take in my energy, my experience my

thoughts that I have on certain topics as the title uncovers

already. I'll be talking about a huge taboo topic today. Erectile

dysfunction, erectile unpredictability, sex starved

relationships. Why do I pick these topics? Because I think

that sex sexuality intimacy has such a huge effect on our well

being on our sense of self. And if I was not to talk, or address

these topics, I would feel that my podcast is not complete. I

want my podcast to be a 360 roundhouse kick on your mental

health. I want to shine the light on the biggest shadows of

society. And I approach it with love curiosity, and deep

appreciation. I don't want anybody to feel uncomfortable, I

want people to Yeah, have a look at things and realize that this

might be a blind spot, I might want to dig a little deeper,

there may be a fun run away, sorry, running away from this

topic. But it's actually the topic that requires some

attention. So I want to be here for you to slowly guide you down

into this little rabbit hole and you decide if it's too

triggering, then just have your hands off. But if it feels

right, if it feels good to be digging a little deeper than

just keep listening. And if you ever feel like reaching out and

going deeper, if you feel ready, trust me, you will never feel

ready, engaging on a coaching journey. But if you feel it as

what you need right now, then reach out to me on Facebook on

Instagram, shoot me a message and ask me all the questions

that we want to address, or jump on a call from me it's all for

free. And we'll explore if we are a good match and how I could

be helping you. Alright, let's dive into today's topic of sex

starved relationships. First of all, I want to applaud every

couple who has made it through the last two years, you guys are

warriors. You guys are probably so exhausted. You guys are still

together. But maybe you have had your troubles with each other.

But for some reason you decided to stick together and that's

very honorable, you know, in a time where people can just

exchange their partners like a piece of retail on the shelf.

It's it's really cool that some people just decide to stick

together and maybe you would have parted. But you think that

dating is very difficult during a pandemic and so you decide to

stay with your partner. That's valid too. But I want you to see

soon enough that you are lying to yourself and lying to

yourself when it comes to your relationships, your partnership.

your romantic life is detrimental If you decided to

stick together, then I am almost 100% certain that your sex life

has suffered under the pressure, the mental ups and downs that

the pandemic was bringing with? And is it a surprise? No, I

don't think so. You know, our nervous system, our brain is

deeply connected to our sexual desires and drive. Some even say

that the brain is the biggest sex organ. So now, if you

inhaled a couple of these news, during the pandemic, if you were

affected in any way, then it is very, very likely that your sex

drive was affected as well. Maybe at the beginning, you

were, you know, happy to be staying home and you Netflix

around you Amazon around and you let your hair down, you'll let

your hair grow and you had wild sex, to keep your mind and a

beautiful, juicy space. But slowly and surely that weaned

off. And the anxiety kicked in, you know, the uncertainty, the

financial troubles. And if you were not struggling, then

certainly some people around you, and that affects you as

well. We're very, very sensitive beings, we're all connected to

each other. And even if we are doing great, if we know that

another person in our life is suffering, then it also may

affect your sex drive. Now, unfortunately, I think that no

man will come onto my show, and talk about erectile

unpredictability, or dysfunction. It's a pity, we're

not there yet. I get it. It's way too tough to talk about it.

But if you feel called to, sorry, open up about this.

Please don't hold back, you would be helping so many men out

there. And also women. This podcast is here to reveal things

that are supposed to be revealed that connect us, you know, more

deeply if we share with each other. And I'm sure if I was to

talk to my girlfriends about this topic, I would meet lots of

resistance first. But then I would meet maybe, like huge

connection and vulnerability and a heart opening conversation

that could bring healing into their relationship. The very

tricky part about erectile dysfunction and unpredictability

is that it is totally terrifying for the guy. It's totally

terrifying for the girl. I'm only you know navigating through

hetero sexuality ever since I got interested in sex, so I

can't speak on other like relationship styles and sexual

orientations. I'd love to learn more about it. I'd love to learn

how sexuality was affected and different styles of sexuality

and sexual orientation. But I only speak on what what I have

experienced a little bit. I'm always open to learn new things.

So it's terrifying for the girl terrifying for the guy. But I

would say that the guy is under way more pressure. Because the

guy is in a position of having to perform. The woman is in a

position of receiving and of course that can switch always

but I think in general, I'm generalizing heavily now I know.

You the guy is under way more pressure. I feel that a girl can

always you know, take a little bit of lube and fake an orgasm

And you know, not be in the mood, but Okay, let's do it

then. But if a man is not able to have an erection, then

penetration coming together to have intercourse is going to be

extremely difficult. And that makes it really hard for both,

of course, but more for the guy. I want you to create unity, and

I want to create compassion and empathy between both. And I hope

that we can open up this conversation and have a listen

to what men have to say to this, at some point in humanity's

evolution, and also women open up, you know, as women, we might

have gone through a situation where the guy tells the other

guy, and she overhear that, hey, I was just not into her. And

this is why nothing happened. But deep down inside, he was

very, you know, emotionally involved, he was very insecure

all of a sudden, but the woman only gets the message of, yeah,

I'm not attractive, or not worthy of good sex. So there's a

whole mess around this situation. And nobody really

talks about it not even, you know, best friends, I feel

because it's such a sensitive topic. But on the other side,

it's weighing so heavily on on most people's chest. So that's

why I want to talk about it, it's gonna affect you and your

day and your thoughts, your self worth, and your relationships,

you might be building up resentment towards the other

person towards your partner, you might build up resentment and

hatred towards yourself. And that's so scary. That's so sad.

Our nervous system, like I said, at the beginning, is deeply

engaged with our sex drive. And if we consume news that are

scary, if we feel insecure, uncertain about our future, your

body, like the last thing your body is going to want and think

of is creating offsprings. And that's what sex is originally

for, right? So we can cut that out. Even if you don't want to

have babies and have all the measures in place to not create

a new human being. That is the root. So desires and openness,

hard to hurt, feelings, and conversations are being shut

down when we are in a stressful situation. And we have been in a

very stressful situation for the past two years. And maybe before

that already. It is so important as a couple, to reconnect and to

be curious and to talk about it as hard as it may seem at the

beginning. If you open up to your partner and tell him or her

Hey, I miss us, I'd love to be close again. And I know what's

going to be tough at the beginning. I know you don't feel

sensual or pretty. But let's have some sensual sexy times

again, in a very slow sex kind of manner. lets us be gentle

again. Let's let our guard down again. And you will notice that

something deep inside of you is going to relax. You'll be doing

something really courageous and trying to find that

conversation. And it's gonna make you stronger no matter

what. It's going to make you stronger as an individual is

going to make us stronger as a couple. And dear listeners if

there is singles among us today, please know that I want you

deeply involved in this too because I'm sure that self

pleasure has been on a very

very Low priority list. Right? We don't feel like player

pleasuring ourselves. If we feel stressed and anxious, has

nothing to do with your worse

has everything to do with your nervous system, having to adjust

again to relax and to be open and vulnerable, courageous. So

if we can all start a conversation with our partners

and share how we have felt not ignoring this anymore and living

in denial this because we know very well that both parties

involved are aware of what's going on and not talking about

it. And escaping from it is not going to make you stronger and

more resilient for the future. You know, a lot of people escape

into their work into their raising kids into creating a

business or whatnot, and justify by Yaba, we have to make money

but we have to pay bills. But if the foundation is, you know,

crippled from this intense pandemic, then your relationship

is going to be on a shaky, shaky base, and no one wants, that.

insecurities are going to be on arise, you'll be insecure, as

soon as a woman or man enters the room that feels comfortable

in their skin. We feel threatened. When those people

around you who feel in tune with themselves, you will feel weak.

And that's the last thing I wish for you. I want you to feel

strong. I want you to feel courageous. I want you to

express what you feel from a very genuine, loving place. Be

open and seek out that conversation and know that it's

gonna feel awkward at the beginning. But as a whole, it's

gonna make you feel more attuned to your soul's calling. You're

so worthy and you're not your penis, you're not your vagina.

You're so much more open up to sensuality again, very slowly.

At first, open up about the feeling of being shut down

closed down. anxious, nervous. And usually you need compassion.

Alright, if ever you feel like reaching out and asking

questions, if you liked that episode, please rate or review

my podcast. Subscribe to it if you haven't already, to not miss

out on future episodes. And I will be out there for you very

soon again. Thank you for listening