Welcome back to Become a Calm Mama. I'm your host. I'm Darlene

Childress, and I'm a life and parenting coach. And on

this episode, this is a part two of an interview

I did with Jill and Mary of Girls Mentorship. They

are also coaches for teen and tween girls.

And in this conversation, this is an extension of our

part one. And in this episode, we're talking specific

tools and strategies and ways that you can

practically support your teen or tween girl. And,

honestly, I think all of these tips are really good if you

have any gender of kid or non gendered kid or whatever it is.

But Mary and Jill primarily work with girls, and they are

incredible. And their summer camp, we talk a lot about it because I really deeply

believe it's one of the best things out there for young women to

participate in. It's a day camp in the

Scottsdale Phoenix area in the month of June. You can sign up for

one week at a time. And I just think it's so

great. So please enjoy part two of teen and

tween girls with Jill and Mary of girls mentorship.

So introduce yourself, introduce your program. You're gonna hear two voices.

The first one is Mary, and I am sitting here with my best

friend and my business partner. Hi, everyone. I'm Jill.

Perfect. And we're the cofounders of a company called Girls Mentorship.

We teach life and personal development skills to

tween and teen girls. What are some of the things that drive a parent to

come seek out your programs? Like, what what are those little

hints or maybe they're big hints of, like, our kid isn't

doing so great. Our girl is like you said, she changed. Like, something's going on,

which can be also developmental. Mhmm. They don't wanna scare everybody. Like Right. No.

Yeah. You're 10. Can your your 11 year old, 12 year old's gonna spend more

time in the room. They might roll their eyes a little bit more. They might

slam the door a little bit more. Mhmm. That doesn't mean they're, like, suicidal.

Like, I think sometimes that's what I mean. We pathologize a little bit of this

very rude behavior. Right. But there are signs

that girls might need some support. Yeah. A couple of them because I know

Mare has some that she's gonna share as well, but those transitional

periods is when parents seek us out. So depending

on, like, the school system is, sometimes if it's that jump

from fifth to middle school, or if it's from

sixth grade, if sixth grade is still considered elementary school, it's that

sixth to seventh grade jump then. But definitely that middle

school developmental period is when parents are

like, I just wanna make sure that she like,

she's been contained in this safe elementary

environment, and now she's like, we're entering, like, the zoo, essentially.

Like, we wanna make sure that she's well equipped and that she can

handle herself in a new environment, around new

people. Things are going to be probably bigger for

her, so we want to equip her with those type of skills and tools.

Yeah. That's good. Just those transitional times. It's so important.

Mhmm. And I think the precursor to the transition and wanting to make

sure that she's well equipped while entering a larger school

district system, more classmates, is friendship drama. Mhmm.

They're already starting to see the cattiness, the gossip, the

backstabbing. Depending on how early some of

them have gotten cell phones, group texts are a a

real a real bugger for a lot of families. Mhmm.

They typically blow up in girls' faces. If somebody's not

included, god forbid, somebody's not tagged in

in a post or included in a snap Snapchat streak.

Like, those things can be really, really detrimental at a young

age to their self esteem and then how they see themselves. So

coupled with that transition can be just a recipe for disaster.

Mhmm. Friends' transitions. I mean, we get messages like this from

parents a lot. It's she just got back from a high

school retreat and shared with her mom and I that she feels

awkward and doesn't know how to have conversations. It was heartbreaking. Right?

I think a lot of the times as parents, we also expect our

kids to understand how to navigate social situations

or what to do at certain chapters of their life, and that's simply

not true. We have to be able to teach them these

things for them to be able to understand and know them.

On the other side of that, we have to give them space to practice and

not jump in to try to solve. Because the other thing

that we see is, I think, bullying has

become a really big buzzword, around just how children

get treated. We don't love seeing friendship debacles or

breakups or cattiness or or backstabbing in any way, shape, or form,

but there is a huge difference between someone getting intentionally

bullied and conflict. Typical friendship

drama, breakups, makeups, that's conflict.

Yes, name calling, things like that, that is still conflict, and

it gives our children an option or an opportunity to

work through that conflict in a healthy way. But

we have gotten really akin to resorting to

everything is bullying. My child is being bullied.

Bullying is the the definition of bullying is

very different than the definition of conflict, and it

takes away from children who are actually being bullied.

Now the online forum is a little different in terms of how

people can attack others, so we need to be careful

and prepare our kids for their online persona

just as much as we do their in person persona. That

sucks to say because we feel like those two things should be the same, but

the fact is kids have a different identity online than they do

in person. They're safe. They feel safer online behind a screen. They feel

like they can communicate with more people, and they have more friends than they do

in person, which also hinders their in person friendships and

relationships. And they have the ability to quit. It's like, oh, I don't like

this thing. See you later. I'm out of here. I'm quitting. And then

in real life, you can't do that. So it's much easier to do that

online. And then finally, the last block someone online. Totally. Just

Yeah. Leave this yeah, block them, basically. Just leave this

conversation or avoid it. And then, yeah, in real life, that's a lot more

challenging. And then the last thing that parents really seek us out

for is that 911 When it has gotten that

bad or if there has been any

suicidal ideations or there's just I mean,

the the the depression is so severe that they're

like, we literally don't know what else to do, and they've done

other modalities, whether it's through therapy, whether it's through

anything else. They're like, nothing's working, and maybe

coaching or mentorship can really support. So

then we'll step in and, and

and and offer a hand as well through whatever it is that that family

is going through and experiencing alongside the girl. Yeah.

So I would imagine some of the symptomatic behavior you'd see

would be, maybe school refusal possibly

because they're self conscious. They've had a conflict at school. They don't feel good.

You know? So they did, like, I'm not going. I'm not going. Right. Taking a

long time getting ready. I would see that. Could I could see that a clean

Yep. An indication. Right? Running really late, not feeling good, not being

able to get out the door till the hair is right, the makeup's right, the

whatever. Yeah. All of it. Say something, Mary? I was just gonna say

I used to take a really long time to get ready.

It was that external validation. I guess I didn't see that as a

refusal. Like, it was just dragging my feet. You know? Well,

you did say socialize more than go to school. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. You also did say that one of your traits is

procrastination at times. So can you Absolutely. A little bit more, like A little bit

of that. A mind management issue more than a crisis. Right. And that's the other

thing that's so good to notice is that just because your daughter

isn't necessarily going to getting ready on time, it

doesn't indicate a self esteem crisis. It could just

be maybe some distraction, maybe Yeah. Sleepiness.

You know, who knows? All of it. Yes. What's actually the root cause of

it? Right. Right. I would imagine eating issues

come up a lot in your work, you know, just the restriction

Mhmm. And, you know, that kind of world

of eating disordered eating and eating disorders. Yeah. I still do

my practice quite a bit. The the friendship stuff too, where it was

like she was so she had so many friends and then

her friend group change. And now there's just a lot of conflict, and now

she's very isolated, like, a lot of isolation. Right.

Not wanting to go out. Right. Where she used to be so

she was involved in this, that, and the other, and now she just wants to

quit everything, and she doesn't wanna do anything.

Definitely more removed from her social

circles than than normal. Quitting sports, quitting drama,

quitting, whatever the part the different things.

And, you know, the big question was when you're an

adolescent is, like, who am I? And then you kind of the things

that made sense when you were a little kid that maybe someone gave to you,

like, you play soccer, you are in the drama team or whatever,

you know, the clubs and stuff. Maybe that's something you wanna try not

having and exploring. Is this is this who I am without am I

who am I without it? I there's some exploration necessary

at this age, and,

and that is okay. But when

we we start to get worried, yeah, if they start to kind of pull back

from life and, you know, disconnect from their

social world. Mhmm. And

parents are always really curious

of doing too much. It's like, okay. Well, she's in therapy, and then we also

have her with a psychologist and a this and a that. And then now is

this too much for for us to add more to her plate?

And we just like to say that it takes a village

raising a child, and every child is going to be different. And

who are we to tell you what your child is

like? You know that child better than anyone. And if

you think all of these people coming together to work in unison to

make her better, then we're on board.

So it's like we we're not here to prescribe,

diagnose, nothing. Our job is to just

be a space to say, okay. We are here and now, and let's

teach you the skills and the tools and and the strategies

to to get you through whatever it is that you're experiencing and just

to relate and to validate, to say, like, we in

some way, shape, or form, but between the two of us, we've

walked in in pretty much all of the girls' shoes

and not in their own experiences, but we can at least empathize to say

we see you, we get you, and we know it sucks. Like,

just to be like, man, it's hard. Mhmm. So that they can be like,

okay. These girls get me, and maybe I am ready to

to to put some action behind this to feel better.

So, yeah, I I just wanna, like, throw that out there if

parents are listening that it is okay to have a community of people to

raise your children. It doesn't need to be one Well, and that at a time

doesn't say anything about your parenting. Right? Yes. A lot of people take

offense to needing help or Right. Outside of the household. It's

like, you said it. It takes a village. It doesn't say anything

about how good or bad you are. We would actually say that

the child is either. Right. Yeah. We would actually say the opposite. The fact

that people seek our services out tell us how much they care about their

child's success. Mhmm. And not success on paper, success in

life. Well, let's talk a little bit about what you what

tools that you teach the girls. Like, I was looking at your website

and looking at the goals that you have set up, kind of where

where you wanna take a person, you know, take a young woman. And so kinda

thinking about the the goals, the skill gaps, and then the tools, and maybe,

like, one quick little tool that you would could give a

parent. You know? We start

every program with every subset of

girls, individual, or group, with self

awareness. So it's the power of perspective,

yours as well as others, because I'm not sure if anybody is living in

the same world that I am right now in 2025. We have a massive

issue with seeing things from other people's perspective, which

grossly limits our own, and it makes for heavier conflict

and quicker reactions. No response time, just

pure reactionary vitriol from both sides,

and that is so unfortunate for our children to be witnessing and growing up

in because they think that's the default. They think that's the correct

path. We start every program out with a solid

lesson on why self awareness and perspective is

so important. Because if you just

wake up, 8AM, the alarm goes off, you hit it, you get up, you do

your normal habitual things, and you go get

ready, and you go to school, and then you go to your job after school,

and you come home and you do homework, and you go to bed, and you

do the same thing every single day without ever checking in with

how you feel about those things, or recognizing and

saying hi to those feelings, then ten years is gonna pass, and

you're gonna look back and say, oh my God, what happened? Whoever It's almost like

you were asleep. Mhmm. It's almost if you don't pause and say,

like, hey, girl to yourself. And we are.

Half the population is. It's pretty scary. By the age of,

like, 27, your habits

are pretty much cemented. So if you're not actively

questioning the things you do or why you do them or the feelings that you

have and why you're feeling them, you are asleep. One of our other favorite

authors is Joe Dispenza, and he talks about the neural activity in your brain

at a level that you can really understand it and buy into it and

do things to help you not go with the

flow. And I'm not talking about the flow of other people. I'm talking about the

flow of your own life, because 90 to 95% of what we do

in a day is habitual, which means our body just runs the show.

Our mind can go into autopilot, and we know how to do the things that

we do. And the perfect example of this is when we first started to drive

a car. Right? You checked both side mirrors, you checked the the rear view

mirror, you just hit the seat. You hope your teen does all those things. Right.

Oh, gosh. I I did those things religiously for so long because

it was such a a great responsibility to be behind the wheel of a car.

Right? And now, god, I get in. I I don't know

what happened. Yeah. We don't even look to see there's a car behind us. When

I get in my car to when I get to my destination, and I know

so many of you can relate to the fact that you think of how do

they go there? Hell? Hell? Hell? Was there stop sign

there? Totally checked out. Yeah. Well, most accidents happen

within a mile of your home. They do. Yeah. They really do. See, I think

that's where you're the most comfortable and you're not really vigilant and paying attention.

Attention. Mhmm. So our lessons on self awareness

are foundational to the rest of our lessons, and the the

first thing we have kids do is check-in with us. So we have a scale.

It's called their temp check, a scale of one to five. How are you feeling

when you walk in this room? One, not so great, pretty

lousy. Five, I'm here, I'm ready to go. And then we have them

associate why, a feeling as to why. We do

this Read Across America thing every year with fourth, fifth, and

sixth graders, and we don't just get right into the book. We get into

who we are and why, and we have them do a temp check. And some

of them are, you know, it's in the morning before lunch, and some of them

are like, well, I'm tired. And I'm like, thanks for sharing that with me.

I'm hungry. Thanks for sharing that with us. Because do you think

that if your tummy is grumbling, and you're thinking about what

you packed for lunch, you're gonna be able to tune in to what I'm saying?

And they're like, no. And I'm like, exactly. So now that we've

acknowledged it and we've talked about it, I stand to gain a little

bit more of your attention because we've we know it, and

I'm not making you wrong for it, and you shouldn't make yourself wrong for

it, but you can acknowledge it in the moment and then ask what you need.

Maybe it's a drink of water to help placate some of that hunger that you're

feeling, or maybe you need to take a bite of your snack in order to

feel like you can pay better attention to me. We wanna work with kids in

order for them to feel their best in the moment with us and

then be able to check out. So we do a check-in and we do a

check out. Are you feeling better than when you walked in and

why? And so much of the time, it's just that simple acknowledgment. It's

being seen, heard, loved, and valued for how we're feeling in the moment,

But we don't give our kids the skills and tools enough to be able to

check-in with themselves. You're supposed to be here by eight. Get out the door by

08 00:17:23

30. You need to be in this class by nine. You've got a test to

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take at 09:30. You've got a study part right? We give them all

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the directives and the how tos, but we don't tell them that they

08 00:17:33

need to check-in with themselves, and I think that's a huge miss. Yeah.

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It really is. It's so important. Mhmm. Well, and it's cool because we're what

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we're teaching kids to do by doing that is are

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you showing up as your best self? And sometimes

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we're not expecting you to not have sad and bad days.

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But maybe you did just have a friendship fight,

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and now we're asking you to pay attention for the next hour, and your mind

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is racing, and you're not showing up as your best self. Mhmm. You're overwhelmed.

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You're frustrated. You're sad. But you're you're

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acknowledging it in this moment, and there's nothing we can do because one of our

08 00:18:11

other favorite tools to teach kids is the circle of control.

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The things that are in your control and the things that aren't

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in your control. So although your mind is caught up

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in the friend stuff, we're gonna just shelf it for the next

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hour, and we want you to be here so that you

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can pour back into yourself because you just exerted a lot of

08 00:18:34

energy into that friendship, that fight, and

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now you're depleting more energy by continuing to think about it.

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So how do we, as a community, pour back into you And

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whether you participate by just being here and being open,

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or you pair share with the girl next to you, and

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she makes you laugh and giggle, and all of a sudden, it's like right? Her

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little self esteem is getting back, and she's like, oh, my gosh. I feel

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better. So even though she just come off of that that fight with

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a friend, she checked in, and now she's leaving even a

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little bit higher because she did the work. She did

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the work, and not only herself, but also we acknowledge

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that other people can pour into you

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if you're open to it. Like, you can borrow somebody else's belief.

08 00:19:23

Jill and I do our best to walk into every room at our highest

08 00:19:27

energy, right, because we use this tool. We use the temp

08 00:19:31

check on ourselves. What do we need in this moment? And it is our duty

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to give girls our top tier energy, and that's one of the things

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feedback wise that we walk away with a lot is, I feel better because you

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guys were energetic. Yeah. You gave me what we

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needed. And I think that's a really cool call out too because we can't expect

08 00:19:48

people to change our situation for us, but we can have the

08 00:19:51

expectation that people can contribute. And how much they can take care

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of. Amygdalas talk to amygdalas. So if you have, like, a calm,

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peaceful amygdala and that like, whichever is I would say,

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like, the strongest amygdala wins in a room. And so you've been

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working on your nervous system and you're, like, really in this good space.

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You're ready to show up and then you have

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the strongest nervous system. So everyone can borrow yours and they can, you know,

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feed off of it. And that's really good for parents to

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understand that in many ways, your teen needs to

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borrow your nervous system a lot. Like Mhmm. They don't want

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to get in the car possibly and talk all about the

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test and or, like, did you talk to your friend about what happened yesterday, like

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the gossip, the dig? You know? It's like, this is a

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place of peace. Come in and just be, and you

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don't have to prove anything or demonstrate anything or something.

08 00:20:47

Right. Right. I think it's worth notating too that these

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skills that are learned that can be learned at this age are super

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helpful, and I will reiterate this, like, I already have, into

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adulthood. Right? Because this is where we set boundaries. This is if

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we're frazzled and we've had a really jam packed day and one of our friends

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invites us out, we learn how to say no because if we show up and

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we're frazzled, we're gonna ruin everyone else's experience. I

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know that if I'm burnt out based on the fact that I've worked really hard

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for the last five days, I don't wanna say yes to weekend plans because

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it's going to continue to drain me. And I'm

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probably going to show up as a bitch, I'm going to leave as a bitch,

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and I'm going to have this experience where everybody else perceived me as the bitch

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I showed up as, and that's not what I want in any way, shape, or

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form. So listening to how I'm feeling,

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what I'm feeling, and navigating that and acting appropriately

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helps me and everyone else in my life as an adult.

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Yeah. The attention to what I get to say yes to and what do I

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get to say no to. A lot of these young girls, they go

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through really hard social things, you know, they're in their head,

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they're feeling self conscious, and they're sit down

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in math class or, you know, they're it's time

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to, like, listen to the soccer coach kinda drill into you and tell you

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all the stuff that you guys didn't do last week at the game. I don't

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know. There's a lot of influences and you don't get to just be like, you

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know what? I got a long and a five days. I mean, they don't feel

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like they have a ton of agency, and sometimes we don't get to say no

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to certain stuff. But I love that circle of control because

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and the shelving it. What do I need to do now? Can I

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make this moment okay? What can I put a pin in or

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circle back to later? It's It's like the circle of control and the circle

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back of control or something. Learning

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to toggle that is so

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hard. And what a gift to give

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that to young women to learn. It's not

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compartmentalizing in a negative way. It really is

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resilience. Like, I'm struggling. I'm in pain.

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And I wanna also set future me up

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by doing well on this math test. And so how can

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I take care of me now or

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promise? I do this a lot myself. Promise I'm gonna take care of you

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later. Mhmm. I'll give room for this

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pain, but not now. And I

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think we get scared because the older generations were

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like, shove it down, get it together. The mouth test is the most

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important thing. And really it's it's not either or. It's not

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one or the other. It's not one or the other. Like, I get to say

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I'm full right now and I don't wanna do something,

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or I can't think about that right now, but I'm gonna come back to it.

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So it's not avoidant. I think we're so afraid because of

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TikTok and all the things about not acknowledging our

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feelings and processing our feelings that we want our kids to we

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kinda give them this message that, like, you have to

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attend every emotional pain party that your body invites

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you to. Right. And that you then

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ruin what's potentially in front of you. Yeah. And

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that's what we're like, especially at our summer camp. It's one of those

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things that we hound on day

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one and every day that we reset the day in terms

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of this this experience is what

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you bring to the table. We have a killer

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summer camp. And if your attitude and your

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effort that we are not in control of Or in

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charge of. Or in charge of, we can't control those things.

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If you aren't gonna meet us there or at least be open to this experience,

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then it's gonna suck. But how do we show

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girls and empower them that they are in control of those

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things? They can say, you know what? I did have a crappy night's sleep, but

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I'm not gonna ruin this day, and I'm actually in control of

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that. What I'm trying to empowerment there. Yeah. What I'm

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normally used to is blaming mom, or blaming this person, or

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blaming, you know, whatever else. So it's it's

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showing girls not to self sabotage

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opportunities that are, like, literally gifted to them,

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and that are right in front of their fingertips. And what you said earlier

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was kids don't feel like they have a whole lot of agency, so we

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like to paint the picture of where they do in their life. We

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go over the definition of agency, of autonomy, of the

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personal responsibility that comes with having those things and

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being able to flex those muscles. We allow them the space to

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really utilize those things within summer camp, because

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without practice, right, they're not going to know what that feels like, Because,

08 00:25:42

again, it is the being told where they need to be every step of the

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way, and their schedules are packed. So they don't have time

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between the end of school, them doing homework, and going to

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soccer practice to process any of the feelings that may have come up throughout the

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day. So it's like, okay, in that moment, if something in

08 00:26:00

this conversation that we're having is heavy for you, feel free to

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get up, step outside for a moment, take a deep breath, get

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a drink of water, but you are also expected to come back

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into the room. Yeah. And if you need to have a conversation with

08 00:26:15

somebody about it, pull one of us aside. There's Jill, there's I, there's other

08 00:26:19

camp counselors here who have been prepped and ready to hold space for

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you. So showing them these skills and tools and actually

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giving them the space to practice having agency over themselves

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is so important because there's not a ton of areas in their life where they

08 00:26:34

feel like they are in control of their own schedule. Mhmm. Yeah. Where they get

08 00:26:37

to practice. I do I do think, like you said earlier, Mary,

08 00:26:41

that they we kinda think that kids should know all this stuff, like how to

08 00:26:45

talk to people and how to be social and, like, I don't know how to

08 00:26:48

manage difficult moments, and they don't.

08 00:26:52

But then we think something's wrong. Like, oh, there's something wrong with us. There's something

08 00:26:55

wrong with them. We haven't done something right. And, really, a lot of

08 00:26:59

us don't learn these skills typically till, like, 20,

08 00:27:03

30 when we start doing self help on our own. Right? Never.

08 00:27:06

You need really have to learn the hard way. Yeah. Be

08 00:27:10

through lots of broken relationships and broken relationship with ourself

08 00:27:14

and pain and, you know, probably sabotaging behaviors.

08 00:27:18

Gonna say, Jill said self sabotage earlier, and that's a big one. It's our upper

08 00:27:22

limit. Right? We start to get close to the things that we've never experienced before

08 00:27:25

and sometimes we lose. Like, how do I yeah. How do I mess

08 00:27:29

this up? Let's get into a fight.

08 00:27:34

Go get drunk. Yeah. Yep. Uh-huh. Yeah. I'm gonna, like,

08 00:27:38

yeah, not show up tomorrow to work because I got drunk and then I don't

08 00:27:41

succeed or whatever. And then spiral happens. Mentorship

08 00:27:45

sure isn't cute then, is it? Like, it's necessary. Right.

08 00:27:49

Oh, it's so cute. Yeah. No. Not anymore. Not anymore. Not necessary.

08 00:27:53

Yeah. So I think that's so great to recognize that

08 00:27:57

we're teaching kids, like, really emotional health

08 00:28:00

tools. And the schools are

08 00:28:04

not equipped to do this work, nor

08 00:28:08

ought they do it. It's very confusing. We have lost

08 00:28:12

in our society places where

08 00:28:16

kids are mentored in communities and,

08 00:28:19

you know, like churches or your faith based service or your

08 00:28:23

your extended family. There's different traditional

08 00:28:27

spaces where maybe kids would get the opportunity to

08 00:28:30

practice some of these skills. Right. We put everything on the schools and

08 00:28:34

then we find it so frustrating with their if their educations are

08 00:28:37

declining. Right? The reading levels, the math levels, but then we're also their emotional health

08 00:28:41

crisis. And it's like we can't keep putting schools there also where their kids

08 00:28:45

are gonna get their nutrition and their screenings. And I mean, we

08 00:28:49

really, as a society, have put too much into

08 00:28:53

the school system and then, you know, we don't even

08 00:28:57

resource it well. Right. We don't value it as a society. Say it

08 00:29:00

again. Say it louder. We

08 00:29:04

know. It is. Like, we have these para school

08 00:29:08

organizations like yours, and I think it can look like on the

08 00:29:11

surface, well, why do we need all this? Mhmm. You know, what's

08 00:29:15

wrong? Well, if you're at school. Yeah. Well, if you're in school and

08 00:29:18

you're having a really difficult time and you need to go to drink some

08 00:29:22

water or like you were saying earlier, like, have a snack, like, no. There's

08 00:29:26

not always room in the school system. I was a teacher, so I kinda

08 00:29:30

get it. But there's not room for all of the emotional

08 00:29:33

parts and all the needs, and you've got 35 kids, and they've all got the

08 00:29:37

need to get a drink of water and feel overwhelmed and process an emotion and

08 00:29:41

get a snack and go to the bathroom. Like, there's just so much.

08 00:29:44

And we do want kids to have some resilience and,

08 00:29:48

like, I know where I'm gonna go with this. Yeah.

08 00:29:52

It's I have camp. Right? It's coming or I

08 00:29:55

get my time with Jill and Mary or building the skill set

08 00:29:59

with the parent parents as well. And, hey, mom, I kinda wanna talk to you

08 00:30:03

about something that's been going on. But I don't really know how to talk

08 00:30:06

about it. Like, just those beginning conversations. And I would

08 00:30:10

imagine you are equipping them with the language to say the things,

08 00:30:14

the tools when you can't do it, what do you do instead?

08 00:30:18

How do you take care of yourself when you can't take care of yourself? Like

08 00:30:21

Yeah. There's certain moments when it's not available Uh-huh.

08 00:30:25

To like, as a mom, I was teaching care parents to self regulate, and they're

08 00:30:29

like, but I have, like, three little kids that are, like, on the floor crying.

08 00:30:32

And I'm like, go take a pause break. Yeah. What are you

08 00:30:35

doing? They're like, Josh. Yeah. Cool. Cool. Cool. When?

08 00:30:39

Uh-huh. Yeah. Exactly. Like, when am I supposed to do that in between, like, wiping

08 00:30:43

this bottom and whatever? Right. Picking up the throw up. Absolutely.

08 00:30:47

Yes. I do really believe it's this internal conversation. How to

08 00:30:51

soothe and cope and process internally, like

08 00:30:55

in real time is the ultimate win.

08 00:30:58

Mhmm. And amazing to

08 00:31:02

have that available to these girls. Like, do you get

08 00:31:06

so jealous of them a little bit that they have you?

08 00:31:10

And Great question. That is a great question.

08 00:31:13

No. Honestly, we

08 00:31:17

we became who we needed.

08 00:31:21

Yeah. And that for yourselves. Ourselves. And that is the

08 00:31:25

most rewarding and beautiful

08 00:31:29

position to be in, where now we

08 00:31:33

get to create spaces and have conversations

08 00:31:37

and literally watch transformations happen before our eyes.

08 00:31:41

And there is nothing there's there's nothing better to that.

08 00:31:45

So zero jealousy from me. It is just it's it's an

08 00:31:49

honor. It's a privilege. And to show girls that

08 00:31:52

their voice matters, that they matter, that as an adult,

08 00:31:56

I look to them. I might just be a little bit taller, and I might

08 00:32:00

be a few steps ahead, but I'm walking the same path as

08 00:32:03

her. And I want her to know that she can come to me, and we

08 00:32:07

can there's nothing that these girls can't say to the two of us

08 00:32:10

that will ever surprise us and that we will always meet them

08 00:32:14

with love and respect and support in the journey of

08 00:32:18

what she's journeying right now. I also think it's very

08 00:32:21

cool that we get to make the mistakes that we've made in our

08 00:32:25

life an example. So we get to talk about the things

08 00:32:29

and places that we messed up along the way without the shame or

08 00:32:33

guilt around them anymore because we know that our examples

08 00:32:36

and our relatability is going to help them understand that

08 00:32:40

there's really not a mistake. Right? You either win or you learn. We

08 00:32:44

put so much pressure on Gen z and Gen alpha especially,

08 00:32:48

and we see this in their mannerisms and the way they show up. They're

08 00:32:51

afraid to put themselves out there because you put yourself out there in a

08 00:32:55

way that society doesn't agree with. You get lambasted. You get

08 00:32:59

pinned and tarred and feathered, and everyone makes fun of you. Get put online,

08 00:33:03

potentially. Right. And it, you know, depends on how quickly the

08 00:33:06

news cycle lasts. If there's a story that's more exciting than the story

08 00:33:10

that you're a part of, but your story lasts online forever,

08 00:33:14

it could go away, but lord knows we've seen it happen multiple

08 00:33:18

times in the last ten years since the the rise of social

08 00:33:21

media that things come back around. You see it in trends. Things

08 00:33:25

that we do, our digital footprint can come back around and bite

08 00:33:28

us over and over and over and over again. And if we don't

08 00:33:32

have the tools and skills to understand who we are, what we value, what we

08 00:33:36

stand for, then those things will take us down

08 00:33:39

into a spiral, and it'll be very hard to

08 00:33:43

recover from that. I say that because kids nowadays are

08 00:33:47

afraid to put themselves out there. They call a lot of stuff cringe because

08 00:33:51

they are scared to go full force into what they

08 00:33:54

love or to put themselves out there in a way that might be perceived as

08 00:33:58

stupid by someone else because they don't want to

08 00:34:02

get pointed at or loud or something. Sort of a

08 00:34:06

forum, right, to where somebody might think it's stupid, screenshot it,

08 00:34:10

share it on Twitter, and it gets millions of views. Mhmm. And

08 00:34:13

that sucks because we're all different, and that's what's beautiful

08 00:34:17

about our world, our country in particular, is we're a

08 00:34:20

fabric made up of so many different heritages and

08 00:34:24

colors and races and backgrounds and all

08 00:34:28

of these different things that make us unique, that bring us together, and

08 00:34:32

it's terrifying to think that if we put something out there, it could be

08 00:34:35

perceived in a way that could absolutely just tear us down.

08 00:34:39

Yeah. Yeah. Because I do think

08 00:34:43

they feel quite surveilled. Mhmm. This generation.

08 00:34:47

Right? There's a lot of surveillance. The parents are doing surveillance on

08 00:34:51

them with the tracking. Right. And the

08 00:34:54

other the friends are always, like, quick to record

08 00:34:58

something or put something out there. So, yeah, it's very

08 00:35:01

difficult to feel safe and vulnerable

08 00:35:05

if you are afraid that it's gonna leave this

08 00:35:09

space. Like, other people might know. And that is

08 00:35:12

Yeah. They are afraid. And in some ways, rightly so,

08 00:35:16

but how do you create spaces for yourself where you

08 00:35:19

are safe and how do you know what safety is and who to be in

08 00:35:23

a relationship with and make requests like, Hey, can we all put our phones away?

08 00:35:27

Or whatever that looks like? I have no idea. And I wonder, do you do

08 00:35:31

digital education at all with the with the girls?

08 00:35:35

Because I would imagine that's a big thing they need training

08 00:35:38

in that Yeah. Adults aren't necessarily knowing what

08 00:35:42

is to suggest. Right. None of us are.

08 00:35:46

So it's a one zero one. It's definitely a

08 00:35:49

let's talk about our digital footprint and the fact that it's out there

08 00:35:53

forever. Like, even if you think that message disappears, it does

08 00:35:57

not. It can be revived from wherever it

08 00:36:00

is in in the cloud. Right? So

08 00:36:04

it's it's talking about their safety online, why that matters,

08 00:36:08

and how they can be perceived, how how what

08 00:36:12

they say to someone. We like I think Jill came

08 00:36:16

up with this. It's the grandma rule. If you wouldn't want your grandma to

08 00:36:19

read the things that you wrote or for those things to be broadcast on a

08 00:36:23

billboard as you're driving down the highway, you shouldn't be saying them

08 00:36:27

because none of it's ever anonymous. And your safety

08 00:36:30

matters. People can find you. People can locate you

08 00:36:34

based on what you're sharing and the intimate details of your life and your family

08 00:36:38

and your house, and that can put us in a real danger.

08 00:36:42

So it is it is a fine line, and you hit the nail on the

08 00:36:46

head. It happened so fast. Right?

08 00:36:49

02/2012 was really when Instagram first hit the

08 00:36:52

scenes. And right along with the brand of Instagram

08 00:36:56

selfie ability. The camera could flip. The flip of the camera. With

08 00:37:00

that, you can see the charts. The data is plain as

08 00:37:03

day. Along with the use of social media apps, you

08 00:37:07

can see anxiety, depression, just all of these negative

08 00:37:11

consequences of having the ability to be connected twenty four hours a day,

08 00:37:14

seven days a week, and see yourself in that light twenty four hours

08 00:37:18

a day, seven days a week. It's not her it's not helping us as a

08 00:37:21

species and as a society. It's just not. There is some

08 00:37:25

value to connection and to like, this conversation, we

08 00:37:28

wouldn't be able to have this at all. I wouldn't know who you were without

08 00:37:32

Instagram, and we wouldn't be able to talk through Zoom without the

08 00:37:35

technology. And so there are benefits of

08 00:37:39

the technology, but in the right hands and with the right

08 00:37:43

intention. And, you know, children, just like we don't give them

08 00:37:46

cars, why would we give them phones? You know, there's a

08 00:37:49

certain ages that are is appropriate. Yeah. I love that

08 00:37:53

you're having those conversations because, yeah, it's like the

08 00:37:57

skills that they need to navigate the world

08 00:38:00

are a little bit they're the same skills we've always needed. Right? The

08 00:38:04

emotional coaching skills, self coaching, all those things, self

08 00:38:08

management. But the expectation is a little bit

08 00:38:11

higher that they keep it buttoned up, that they have their shit together,

08 00:38:15

that they, you know, and then they feel like not safe

08 00:38:19

to share. And then they're falling apart in their

08 00:38:23

bedrooms. And parents are like, what is happening to my

08 00:38:26

little girl? My precious baby. Yeah. And the change is

08 00:38:30

normal. And we're also all canaries in the coal mine saying

08 00:38:34

something's not right here. The culture is

08 00:38:37

toxic. It is making me ill. Like, what is a toxin? Right. If it's

08 00:38:41

like airborne, like that's bad. Right. Our girls are

08 00:38:45

struggling and where are these safe places

08 00:38:49

for them to get supported? And that's what you have built. And

08 00:38:52

Right here with us. Yeah. It's so incredible.

08 00:38:56

Yeah. Jill and Mary. Yeah. Your mentorship. Well, and it's something we

08 00:39:00

never really dreamed of. I will say that we didn't set out to start

08 00:39:04

a brand or a summer camp or be in schools

08 00:39:07

like that was never on our radar. I think Jill beautifully said it

08 00:39:11

earlier as we simply wanted to be what we didn't feel like we had it

08 00:39:15

had at that age, and that's no knock to our

08 00:39:19

parents. They did the absolute best they could with what they

08 00:39:22

had. So the way we were parented does not work

08 00:39:26

to parent the generation we have now because external

08 00:39:29

things are so much different than what we grew up having.

08 00:39:33

But with that, we need to make sure we're plugged in to the best possible

08 00:39:36

resources, and Jill and I are so pumped that we get to

08 00:39:40

be on the side of the best possible resources because it it didn't start out

08 00:39:44

that way. It started as two friends, couple of glasses of wine, asking how

08 00:39:48

we could help. And here we are five years later on the brink of

08 00:39:51

throwing our fourth summer camp. We'll have probably over 200

08 00:39:55

girls at camp this year. The tickets have sold like wildfire

08 00:39:59

because people understand that this work is integral and

08 00:40:03

important, especially at the age that we're doing it for. Yeah.

08 00:40:06

I do tell my clients and I've said this, like, if I

08 00:40:10

had a daughter, I would absolutely go to summer camp. And it's not

08 00:40:14

a sleep away. It's a day camp. But I would go to Phoenix.

08 00:40:17

You guys are in Phoenix. We're in Scottsdale. Phoenix Scottsdale

08 00:40:21

area. Yeah. Yes. Uh-huh. But I would get myself a

08 00:40:25

little hotel, and I would just spend the day chilling by the

08 00:40:28

pool or whatever while my daughter went to the thing, and then we'd

08 00:40:32

come back and eat meals together. I would make it a

08 00:40:36

getaway because I think what you're doing is so

08 00:40:40

important. I have chills. Thank you. Yeah. No, it's like,

08 00:40:43

get to get to Scottsdale. You have to do it in the Phoenix Airport.

08 00:40:47

Right. It's easy to nap. It is. It is. There's so many

08 00:40:51

flights Super easy. It's the summer, so it's pretty affordable because it's

08 00:40:55

so hot there. June isn't the hottest month either. We will say we're we're

08 00:40:58

just in June. July is when it starts to get a little bit. Up.

08 00:41:02

Yeah. No camps offered in July, just June. Okay. Yeah.

08 00:41:05

Good. And that's why I really wanted to have you on. So tell the

08 00:41:09

dates. Say a little bit about kind of what it looks like, how to sign

08 00:41:12

up and stuff. I'm gonna leave the details for Mary. I I just wanna add

08 00:41:16

a little bit more of what we were discussing because I wanna paint a picture

08 00:41:20

for our the listeners tuning in. Summer camp, we are

08 00:41:23

pouring into these girls between thirty

08 00:41:27

seven to forty hours within the week. That is

08 00:41:31

insane. That's almost a full work week for adults.

08 00:41:35

And when does your daughter get that time,

08 00:41:39

attention, and energy in anything else? So I just want

08 00:41:43

parents to really sit with that because

08 00:41:47

we know that during the school year, there were up against

08 00:41:51

school schedules and sibling schedules and extracurricular

08 00:41:55

activities and all the birthday parties. And it's hard to

08 00:41:59

make those commitments and priorities, but this

08 00:42:02

summer, we capture and captivate an audience that

08 00:42:06

really has nothing to do. This is just an invitation from the two of us

08 00:42:09

to say, please look at your schedule. Make the commitment

08 00:42:13

because it is worth it. We have seen transformations year

08 00:42:17

over year, and not just one, not just two, like

08 00:42:21

dozens, multiple dozens of girls that are

08 00:42:24

just a different girl walking out of summer camp than the girl that they

08 00:42:28

walked in as. I wanted to throw that out there because that number is

08 00:42:32

staggering, and it's important when you are paying for the

08 00:42:35

summer camp ticket, that's what you're investing in. Like, a regular

08 00:42:39

summer camp, you do a little gaga. You maybe go in the pool. Right.

08 00:42:43

You have, like, some couple crafts. It's not an

08 00:42:47

emotional development camp. Right? It's a physical camp you

08 00:42:50

go and have fun. And you guys have fun. They do all sorts of stuff

08 00:42:54

and with this purpose of building confidence, empowerment, self

08 00:42:57

awareness. I love it so much. Yes. Yes. Yes. And

08 00:43:01

just some of these parent reviews. I mean, couldn't be more thankful for

08 00:43:05

the programs you ladies have created. Never seen so much growth in my child

08 00:43:09

in such a quick amount of time. It was like years of future

08 00:43:12

therapy prevented in five short amazing days.

08 00:43:17

I wanted to send a huge thank you for camp last week. Our daughter can't

08 00:43:20

stop talking about all that she's learned. Her confidence has grown and her ability to

08 00:43:24

handle friend drama is improving. She cannot wait for next year, and we've

08 00:43:28

been spreading the word. So to get messages like that, yes, it is

08 00:43:31

not a quick fix. It's something that needs to be fostered. It's something that

08 00:43:35

needs to be talked about on a daily basis, but it's like drinking from the

08 00:43:39

fire hose when you come to camp, and it's incredible.

08 00:43:42

Once they get a taste of what's in the fire hose, you can't

08 00:43:46

unhear it. You can't unlearn it. So you continue to practice these skills, and you

08 00:43:50

see the results from practicing the skills. So even at their age,

08 00:43:54

they get to practice within their friend group, they get to practice their own confidence,

08 00:43:57

and they are seeing results, and in turn their parents are seeing results.

08 00:44:01

That is the coolest part for us is getting to hear

08 00:44:05

from parents who wanna tell us about the transformations that have happened, and we were

08 00:44:08

really hesitant to use the word transformation at first, because that has such a weight

08 00:44:12

to it. Mhmm. You hear it a lot in the weight loss industry. Right?

08 00:44:16

Huge transformations. Buy this pill for $9.99, and

08 00:44:20

you'll lose a hundred pounds. You'll be bikini ready by

08 00:44:25

We're not hesitant to use that word anymore because we've seen it over

08 00:44:28

and over and over and over again. It's huge. It's incredible

08 00:44:32

to watch the light bulb go off in these girls to know and understand

08 00:44:36

that, a) what they're struggling with, they're not doing it alone, and

08 00:44:40

b) they have autonomy and agency to be able to

08 00:44:43

change their situation, at least certain aspects of it. That in and of itself,

08 00:44:47

when they can face their fears, builds their confidence. All we do

08 00:44:51

is give them the space to face their fears, and when we do that,

08 00:44:55

they themselves are able to build their own confidence.

08 00:44:58

So if that at all sounds like something you want your daughter to be

08 00:45:02

a part of, And what you said about taking day trips here, we, over

08 00:45:06

the last two years, have seen families fly in from Colorado,

08 00:45:10

California, Nevada, and Texas, which is beyond our wildest

08 00:45:13

dreams, because it is a commitment, and we understand that making the

08 00:45:17

time for this investment means saying no to other things, and

08 00:45:21

we do not take that lightly, because we're also very aware that

08 00:45:24

schedules are busy. Whether it's the summer or not, that is obviously

08 00:45:28

the best time for us to do this because we have a lot of time

08 00:45:31

with the girls that is uninterrupted. Mhmm. But we also know that

08 00:45:35

vacations are lingering, and back to school shopping is lingering, and all of

08 00:45:38

these excuses to say no. But, man, to see the amount of

08 00:45:42

families flying in from out of state is just mind blowing

08 00:45:46

to us. So if this sounds like something you wanna do, it's in June.

08 00:45:49

So we go week sessions Monday through Friday. So our first

08 00:45:53

session is June 2 through June 6.

08 00:45:57

Our second session is June 9 through the thirteenth,

08 00:46:01

June sixteenth through '20 '1. Yep. June

08 00:46:05

23 through the twenty seventh. They're incredible. Nine

08 00:46:08

to three. Unlike anything that girls have ever seen before, and

08 00:46:12

they're hesitant because they think personal development means a boot

08 00:46:16

camp of some sort where there's something wrong with them, and they're just gonna

08 00:46:19

get, drilled into. But once they walk in and they see

08 00:46:23

the fun colors and the decorations and the photo opportunities and the

08 00:46:27

music, the space to connect with girls that they've never

08 00:46:31

met before. They come in Monday bashful and shy

08 00:46:35

and with their arms crossed and their eyes rolling every which way

08 00:46:38

from sideways to not wanting to leave on Friday. Like, the best

08 00:46:42

party that they've ever been to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It is. It's so

08 00:46:45

good. So our campers' ages are between 10 and

08 00:46:49

13, and we have a peer leader program. So if you

08 00:46:53

have aged out of being a camp participant, then we

08 00:46:57

have a space for our high schoolers. So whether

08 00:47:00

you have been a camper or you have this

08 00:47:04

yearning to develop yourself in a way that you're ready to take on

08 00:47:08

more of a leadership role and you get developed between myself and

08 00:47:11

Mary and all the other amazing camp facilitators,

08 00:47:15

we have space for our peer leaders. So that's from ages

08 00:47:18

14 to 18, and they act as camp counselors

08 00:47:22

for us. They take on responsibilities throughout camp.

08 00:47:26

They're responsible for girls and activities and our camp

08 00:47:30

famous talent show that happens every year, and they're the emcees of

08 00:47:34

it. So it they make it so fun, and they

08 00:47:38

become who the campers wanna be, which is really beautiful.

08 00:47:41

So outside of just being an older

08 00:47:45

girl in camp, they really are anchors in our

08 00:47:49

camp to show the girls what is possible in just a short amount of

08 00:47:52

time. That's so amazing. I just love what you're doing. And then,

08 00:47:56

of course, I think people are gonna be like, well, I can't make it to

08 00:47:59

camp, and I don't live in the Phoenix and Scottsdale area. Is there any

08 00:48:03

other way to work with you? Yeah. People are gonna wanna know that. There

08 00:48:07

is. We're obviously constantly being challenged to figure

08 00:48:10

out new ways to accommodate different populations simply

08 00:48:14

because, yes, we are located in Arizona, and that is our

08 00:48:17

physical space. But we do a lot of one on one, so individual

08 00:48:21

mentorship, whether that's a full fledged program or an in the

08 00:48:25

moment one off call where we can kind of talk girls through

08 00:48:28

what they're struggling with at that point in time. That is the second

08 00:48:32

best way to work with us. Summer camp is our Super

08 00:48:36

Bowl. That is the number one way to work with us for an extended period

08 00:48:40

of time, and then individual coaching. So if your girl is struggling with

08 00:48:43

something and it has been a struggle for a while, we would suggest

08 00:48:47

our coaching program. We have a twelve week program that we take

08 00:48:51

girls through, or we just have calls. If she needs needs a

08 00:48:54

little support in the moment, that can be an option as well. Oh my

08 00:48:58

goodness. What a gift you are to to any

08 00:49:02

parent, really. Yeah. Thank you. Love it. The

08 00:49:05

same way about you, ma'am. I mean, the the the people in this

08 00:49:09

space really are just doing God's work, man. It really

08 00:49:13

we are the village that they say it takes, and it it's so

08 00:49:17

fun to be able to say that. So we know we're few and far

08 00:49:21

between. This work is hard. It's arduous. It's, who wants to

08 00:49:25

work with kids? Crazy people. Teachers. Right? We're all

08 00:49:29

crazy, and we're here. And so to be in a

08 00:49:32

space right alongside you is the greatest honor that we

08 00:49:36

could have because we know all of us work tirelessly

08 00:49:40

in order to better the next generation. Yeah. We

08 00:49:44

do. Okay. So how can everyone meet with you or connect with you or

08 00:49:47

find you? Like, what's the best way? What's the skinny? We

08 00:49:51

are very social on Instagram. We're the

08 00:49:55

most social. But come hang with us. We would love,

08 00:49:58

love, love to have your listeners drop

08 00:50:02

in in our DMs just to say, hey. I caught you on the

08 00:50:05

podcast. I just wanted to say hi. We genuinely read

08 00:50:09

every single DM. It's the two of us. We wanted to be well

08 00:50:13

connected with you. Thanks, Trudy. Good mamas. Yes. That's

08 00:50:16

right. Yeah. Yes. Get this. I I I agree. Connect.

08 00:50:20

Yeah. Just Connect with us. We are the human beings behind

08 00:50:24

Instagram. So you can find us at girls mentorship, just

08 00:50:27

spelled the normal way. And then our website

08 00:50:31

is girlsmentorship.com, and that will have

08 00:50:35

all the information around camp, our peer leader program,

08 00:50:38

and soon to come is our mentorship menu, like, what what menu

08 00:50:42

items we have and the offerings for the one on one

08 00:50:46

offerings outside of camp. Well, thank you so much. So I think

08 00:50:50

you're spot on. Start early. Start as soon as you can. 10

08 00:50:53

really is the age you do. Yeah. It's where you start to see and it

08 00:50:57

get you get a little scared and it's like, just send these girls to camp.

08 00:50:59

Come to camp. We'll receive you with open arms. Absolutely. Okay.

08 00:51:03

So, darling, thank you for the opportunity to just This has been

08 00:51:07

wonderful. Use your platform to spread the good word. Yeah. No.

08 00:51:10

My pleasure. So thank you guys for being here. Bye, y'all.

08 00:51:14

We'll see you on the next episode of Girls Mentorship Takes Over.

08 00:51:18

Until next time.