Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

experience. I'm your host Aurora. And I'm very excited to

be sharing this interview with you today. I have Courtney

Atkinson here with me. He is a realtor, a really big realtor

here in southern Alberta, and is also a very successful business

coach, maybe even life coach. He's very active when it comes

to his health and his fitness. So is his wife too. He has a

very fit wife. And yeah, I'm very excited to have him on the

show. Because like every hero, I know that Courtney must have

gone through some pain, some adversity at some point in his

life. And we want to know more about you. We want to know how

you got where you're at today. And yeah, it would help me and

my listeners a lot to, to hear how you overcame struggle and

pain in the past.

Yeah, Oh, this is so lovely. What an amazing introduction, I

hope that I can deliver on just some of the things that you said

about me that was so kind, thank you. And I want you to know that

I love what you're doing. And I love this platform for for

people a chance to speak about their journeys and where they've

come from, because I think you're right, we've all had some

special journey and something unique and some trials and

tribulations that have caused us to be where we're at. And, and

I'm just blessed that I'm happy with where I'm at. and

unfortunate to be here with you. So thank you. So, so, tell me,

what what is there anything specific that you would like to

know? Or do you want me just to kind of tell you a bit of a

story what works best for you,

um, usually tell us a little bit of your story. And I will dig a

little deeper if it's, it's not enough, but I'm sure that you

know, the deeper we go the more Yeah, other people can benefit

and learn from your story, or maybe relate better to your

story. Yeah,

sure. Well, I'll go back a ways it's funny that we're having

this conversation cuz I was just doing another podcast last night

on our 1000 ways to impact children, I think it's called

with, with Alan freeze, and I kind of let a cat out of the bag

that I haven't disclosed publicly before that when I was

12, I had a drug overdose and, and it was kind of like the

culmination of a lot of bad behavior that I had been

experiencing at that time. And I think when people say that, you

know, it's like, all the parents, they must have been

terrible, you know, this child must have been, you know, I

don't know, I was just an average kid. You know, like, my

parents were teachers and I wasn't anything bad. I had like

the most loving family, you know, wholesome people. nobody

in my family was into drugs. And, and really, when it came

down to for me was that, you know, my parents were divorced.

And my mum had moved to fredericton, New Brunswick,

where I went to high school, my dad stayed in Chipman, a small

town where he still lives. And, and I think what what, what

happened is that I was dividing my time between my parents

places, I, I started to feel a real sense of disconnect and an

inability to belong anywhere. And you know, how vulnerable

that age is, right? You know, at that age, you're, you're just so

desperate to fit in, it's like, the most important thing, you

know, and, and so naturally, I was kind of doing a lot of crazy

things to, I suppose, to be seen, really, to be of, you

know, to make some impact and to have people care about my, my

presence and who I was, and when I was up to and so I did a lot

of stuff that, you know, that I'm not proud of, and I did a

lot of things that had some pretty negative long term

effects on my health. I'm still epileptic To this day, as an

example, as a result of that. And, and so I think that was

kind of the start of a lot of hard learned lessons for me, but

I don't want to tell you that it ended there. You know, I think

that was really just, it was really just the beginning. Like,

of of me kind of trying things multiple times before, you know,

I realized that the these would be the wrong path. And so yeah,

I would say it kind of all started at 12. And then you

know, managed to squeak into university, I think it was

really lucky there. And I played football and did reasonably well

at that. But again, you know, with drugs and things like that

in university as well and, and that kind of was part of the

story that ended my university career due to injury and a lot

of stuff from steroid use at that time, like a lot of young

athletes do. And again, you know, just to impress people

that maybe weren't even my friends and to make some impact

and to belong, and to do all those things that I think young

people strive so much for, and that would have been in my early

20s, at that point, so, so again, I had this history of, of

doing these things that were, you know, certainly unhealthy,

and certainly not good choices. But that theme of of wanting to

belong was ever present, you know, for many, many years. The

interesting thing, I think that happens to young people, and I

don't know if this is your journey, or the journey of some

other folks that you've interviewed, but you know, when

you're, when you're in that mind, setting, so desperate to

be long, and and you have this feeling of lack, you know, and

this sense of scarcity and worry about people loving you, it

causes you to do crazy things, you know, I found myself in a

relationship that lasted 15 years, or I got married to

someone who basically told me that I would be marrying them.

And I have kind of felt like this expectation that I be in

that relationship, and I just kind of did it because it

socially seemed like the appropriate thing. It sounds

crazy to say that I mean, but it is the truth, you know, was just

a young guy dating someone and, you know, was kind of told that,

hey, listen, you're going to propose to me or you're going to

leave me. And at the ripe age of 21, or 22, I thought of, you

know, losing your girlfriend was just the scariest thing ever,

especially given how I've described my wiring up to that

point. And so yeah, we got married, and, and naturally,

these types of things don't last the right. And, you know, so

there's a lot going on in that time I ended up and, frankly,

wasn't really, me again, you know, my first wife was in

university administration. So I kind of tagged along for a

career in university administration, and kind of did

that, despite it not really being for me, and having no

skills in that area. And even built a career on it. You know,

which seems mad to me, but now looking back, but I just stuck

with it, you know, so this 15 year relationship, and then six

or seven years in that career at the University of Lethbridge,

only to find out that I, you know, I really wasn't happy.

Yeah, and I don't want to say that I woke up one day and

realized that I wasn't happy, but there was kind of like a

critical event, I had a boss came into my office and share

any more than that. But somebody came into my office one day and

said, Hey, Courtney, like, you know, your, your work is

substandard, you know, and we think that we're gonna have to

let you go. And my heart broke, like, this person was a very big

man, okay, I'm not a small person, but he significantly

bigger than me, and I just immediately broke down. So you

can imagine how embarrassing that was right? Like, sitting

here crying while this like super dominant figure standing

above me threatening, you know, my future, right? As far as I

could tell. And that really scared me. So I went home, and I

decided that I was going to quit that job. Most simple was that I

just knew that something that had shattered me, like, so much

shouldn't be a part of my life, you know, like, I just shouldn't

allow things like this to happen to me anymore. And so I did some

soul searching, and I did some thinking and decided on what I

was going to do. And I had a couple plans. One of them was

real estate, you know, I just happened to know some people

that were in real estate and, and I happened to interview them

and ended up seeming to me, like these people were pretty happy

with their lives. And I didn't think there's anything special

about them that I couldn't do you know, the work isn't rocket

science, like, selling a house itself, you know, building a

business is hard, but selling a house isn't too bad. And so I

thought, Okay, I'm going to do that, you know, and I'd rather

make less money, you know, selling houses, then be in an

environment where I have bullies, and this threat of

loss, you know, like my entire life flashing before my eyes,

like I had that one day, April 20 2007. And so, yeah, I decided

to do it, and it ended up being okay, you know, that was, like a

fast tracking. But I mean, that was a very scary time,

obviously, like leaving a career like that was making big money.

And I had no prospects of how much money I would make in real

estate, but I just knew that, hey, listen, sometimes you got

to follow your heart and, and try something. And it was only I

was still in my early 30s. You know, I was like, 3433. And I

gave it a whirl. And some really beautiful things started

happening for me. It was around that time that I realized that I

was in a relationship that I didn't want to be in. And so I

made the really tough decision that I was going to leave that

relationship. And, and, of course, naturally, that was

pretty tough. But you know, when you start kind of reevaluating

major components of your life, like a career, the unfortunate

reality is that you can begin reevaluating these other major

components of your life like your primary relationships. And

then as that began to unwind, and so did a lot of these

friendships that I had built around On this kind of false

persona of being like the university administrator guy,

which really weren't me, and, and so naturally, a lot of those

relationships, those personal relationships began unfolding as

well. And there's a lot of grief during that time, I don't want

to tell you that that was a picnic that that was a three

year hell right for me because I was working hard in my real

estate business, but I was simultaneously unwinding a

primary relationship. And I was simultaneously unwinding these

friendships that hadn't been based on the truest version of

me, right. And then trying to define what this next version of

Courtney was going to look like. And I was scared shitless and

there were a lot of days where I didn't want to get out of bed.

And, you know, there's, you know, a lot of times where I

drank a few too many beer and wasn't, you know, wasn't doing

the best work. But the fact is, I got through it. And as a

result of that, in person, and, and my wife, Melanie, who is now

in the company with me, we work together with the Atkinson team

at XP Realty. And, and so it just, it's been a beautiful

journey of like self discovery, and finding people that love me,

for me and allowing me just to be this version of myself that

so hopefully, it will, that I'm at peace with that doesn't

require some sort of mask to be worn. And doesn't, doesn't

require me to fake it, you know. And the interesting thing, I

think that, that a lot of men experience, and I'm sure that

this isn't, you know, something that only men experienced, but I

know that there was a lot of pressure growing up to be super

masculine, you know, you know, to kind of like, show up a

certain way, and to be a certain way to see and do certain

things. And, and through this journey, I think if there's been

anything that I've learned, it's, it's that, like, we're all

perfect in our own way, and one of the greatest challenges that

we might face, but also, I would say one of the greatest gifts

that we can give the world is just to show up whole and good

at peace and flow in the way that we were built to be, you

know. And so, I mean, well, I appreciate your compliments

around their success.

The fact of the matter is, is I think it's really does come

because I've just let go of a lot of what people expect, you

know, like, I don't focus on who somebody wants me to be or what

I might be for somebody else, I really just try to be the best

guy that I can be and try to support the people in my

business, the best that I can try to support my wife and kids

the best that I can, without pretending to be something that

I'm not like, I'm just really sensitive, I cry super easily,

like, these seemingly intentional pauses that I'm

using right now. Or like me, just taking a breath so that I

don't break down weeping, like I'm just wired that way. And so,

you know, you spend 20 years of your life, pretending to be this

person that you're not and that unwinding, that takes a lot of

energy. But once you do, there's real power in that and you start

to see, like, the universe unfold for you in ways that it

never did before. And you ask yourself, like, why do we put

people through that, you know, why do we expect folks to wear

these masks? And, and why can't we give permission to just men

people in general, I think, what take somebody who's

transgendered, you know, like, my, my plight would be

significantly less traumatic than a transgender person, why

can't we just give permission to these people just to be you

know, and to accept them only the way that they are? And and I

would say like, watch them flourish right? In a way that

they might not have otherwise given some social you know,

confines or expectations and it's been a really powerful

change for me and that's kind of my hope for people and the way

that we built this organization is really focusing primarily on

having like a no asshole policy. See, and having no bullying

policy and having like a no excuses policy to like, and I

don't mean in the kind of way that a lot of organizations have

like a written policy around the bullying like we're just gonna

say fuck you. Today's your last day goodbye. Like we're not

going to have meetings about it and consultations and coaching

and all this shit. Like, if you're an asshole like there's

the door. It was nice knowing you but not anymore kind of

thing. So yeah, I don't know if that kind of explains a bit of

my journey and how I got here, but i think that's that's kind

of a condensed version at least.

Yes. Yeah. No, that's that was so beautiful that you invited us

all in and I can see how Yeah, for kids who go through their

parents divorce. It's always very Yeah, it shakes your

foundation it shakes. What you thought reality was you It

shapes what you thought love was and you are kind of lost and for

for every person is very different. And the reason I

invite You're onto my show is because I pick guys

intentionally where I think they're very hard driven. And

through being very in tune with themselves, they became

successful. So you became successful with what you're

doing right now. Because people can sense your, our, our

authenticity, I have difficulties with that word. And

especially when it comes to real estate, I only met a couple

realtors. But there was always that weird vibe of, they want to

make money off of me. And it is a difficult decision for me to

take. And if there is a person I can fully trust, and I know he

has my back, he has best intentions, then, of course, I'm

going to trust you and give you my money and be happy with the

choice we make together. And the other thing I wanted to add is

that, like, isn't it so crazy how back then you thought

everything was falling apart? When when your job like when you

got fired? You thought no, look, now life is ending. Now

everything I'm trying to hold together as being taken away

from me. And now looking back, you can see know that the

universe was actually untangling me, and liberating me from the

lie was trying to live. And you only see it afterwards. And this

is why this episode is so empathy precious, because we

want to give people who hope who are in this mess right now. And

that they trust that sometimes to lose something means that

you're gonna win really big in the future, but you have to let

go of your attachments to something that is not really

yours anymore. And yeah, incredible.

I love that analogy of, of hanging on to these things,

because I think the the human flight is to, you know, to work

really hard. And to accomplish this thing that we've

envisioned, you know, our entire lives. And for a lot of people

that's like a retirement or a job title or, you know, some

sort of thing, right, and, and I think one of the things that I

have learned my journey is that, you know, we really just don't

know what it's meant to look like. And we have to be at peace

with with the journey. And it sounds so cliche, but the truth

is, is that we only have these moments, like how precious is

this moment that you and I have together today as an example.

But also, I'll reflect back on this time last year, and I'll

just tell you, in absolute transparency, so, you know,

COVID came around and whatever, March 15, of 2020. And by the

time, you know, April or May had rolled around, you know, I was

absolutely 100% without any shadow of a doubt convinced that

in some fairly short period of time, I would be without a

business and any savings, okay. And so I've worked really hard,

we've worked really hard over the last 13 years to, you know,

to put some money away and to build this business and to do

some things that would set us up for our retirement. And I came

completely to grips with that all completely disappearing so

much so that, you know, I was prepared to buy a used $5,000

car and simply just begin over again. And while that was

really, really scary in the beginning, the place that I got

to that really, I think helped me see things differently. And

why this past year for me has been such a blessing was that it

allowed me to detach from a lot of these outcomes, it was a

really good refresher, you know that, hey, listen, like, All

that matters is this moment that I'm in and what my thought about

this moment is because you know, the pain that we experience

around loss, it's just a thought that we have around something

that may or may not happen, and we don't have a lot of control

over it. And it's the thought that causes so much pain, right?

If we can let go of the thought and focus on beauty that's

present, we're good. Like there's really nothing to worry

about. At the end of the day. We're in a first world country,

and not the kind of person who's going to have to worry about

food or shelter, okay, My children are not going to starve

to death. We're not all of a sudden not going to have running

water, like we will figure that out. Okay. So fundamentally, if

my children are happy, my health is good. My wife is happy and,

and I have a good opinion of these things. Really, what more

do I need, you know, thankfully, none of those things happened.

But it was a beautiful time because I got completely at

peace with that, you know, and just detaching from from that

outcome, these goals, these objectives that I had been

building up, you know, over the years, and so I was humbled and

I was appreciative for that journey.

Wow, that's so powerful to share. And I know a lot of

people are still very scared about that uncertainty, but it

is really a mind, that makes up the worst scenarios that you can

imagine at times, in order to get wanting to protect us, but

doesn't really serve you to live in that fear and to believe that

everything is going to be so painful. And then I also wanted

to add to the belonging and and that struggle that you had, when

you were little, or, or maybe in your teen years, I feel a lot of

times when we're trying so hard to belong, people can feel that

and they will reject you, and they will add more to that pain.

And you experienced, maybe only after losing that job that you

have to give yourself that permission. First, you have to

know first that you are so endlessly worthy. And then love

will come and things will come to you. And now my question.

Next question would be how did you meet your wife? How was

that? How did that go about? Like, how did you know? This?

Is? This is true, this is good for me. And I'm worthy of that

love. And I'm ready for that love? How was that

journey for you?

That's a beautiful question. You know, I don't think it was an

especially unusual circumstance. But the interesting thing was

that while I was at the university, I was in faculty

recruitment. And so my job was to recruit a lot of different

faculty members, to Canada, to Alberta from different places.

And so, you know, I think during my time there, we brought in

something like 40, or 50 different faculty members, and

naturally, they brought sometimes children, sometimes

partners with them to take these jobs. And so it wasn't a boat,

maybe 2004 Live, we had brought in a really renowned

kinesiologist to Lethbridge. And he came in worked in the same

department that my now ex wife was in, and we all became

friends, you know, US couples, you know, myself and my first

wife, and those two, amongst many other people that were kind

of in that cohort of folks that had joined the university around

the same time. So, you know, a group of friends say 12, or 18,

people deep, that was always hanging out. And this was kind

of in our 20s, right. And so around, you know, say my early

30s, my first marriage, you know, was, was kind of

dissolving. And I was out on my own in real estate, and making a

goal kind of starting my company, and it wasn't long

after that, one of my dear friends was also leaving her

relationship. And maybe like a year later, it might have been

two years later. And we had always been the best friends.

You know, anytime we've gotten together at parties, we would

always be like the last two standing, you know, I was

telling stories and just kind of hanging out. And we also had a

really good friend. And, and lots of laughs and lots of fun.

And then now we were kind of simultaneously experiencing this

pain of unwinding relationships, me and my kind of second year of

doing that, and her kind of at the beginning of that, I

suppose. And so naturally, you know, at the time that you get

divorced, you unwind friendships do that were connected to that

relationship, right. And so I was doing that, and, and now she

was just kind of in the beginning stages of unwinding

friendships with the same people, right, because people

take sides. I mean, that doesn't make them bad people, but

generally speaking, folks in a relationship or choose a side,

and in this case, you know, all the people on the other side of

the relationship worked for the same employer. So naturally,

they're seeing each other all the time. And the people who are

not any longer at that employer are naturally not going to be

friends anymore. Like it's just, it's just the way that it should

be. And so she was experiencing that, and I was experiencing

that. And after a period of time, you know, I think she had

been away for about a year doing some business away and then came

back and was looking for a place to rent and, and I think this

was in my second or third year divorce, and I said, Well,

listen, if you want I got a bedroom at my, my duplex if you

want to rent the room. And so we actually moved in together as

roommates in I think two or three years after my divorce

and, and then our friendship blossomed and kind of one thing

led to another and, you know, then we didn't need that spare

bedroom anymore. You know? I don't, I won't. I won't say that

like that, that I didn't have like some sense that that could

be the journey that we took together but I would certainly

not say that I had a vision for us. You know, being madly in

love that That we would get married and have two amazing

kids together. Like, if you ever told me that I could, I couldn't

believe that. But yeah, that was our journey. And it was really

kind of slow. And at the time, neither one of us would want the

children. And I think after a few years, we started having

that conversation. And by then, you know, I wasn't a young guy,

we were well into our 30s. And so yeah, it's just been this

beautiful growth of a friendship and, and evolved into a business

partnership. And, and now, you know, we get to raise our kids

around the scrape business that we've built together. And, you

know, hope that one day, you know, they might like to work

with us. So yeah, time will tell that you.

Wow, that is such a special little story. I didn't expect

that. Like, yeah, a lot of people say, yeah, you have to be

best friends with your partner, it can just be based on

physicality and what not. And this is so beautiful, because

you can totally trust each other, you can totally, yeah, be

authentic and open and don't have to put on a mask. And, and,

yeah, this is very, very powerful.

Mel, yesterday, I'll just close with this, quote, now, you know,

she had grown up kind of differently, like, she didn't

have any of these fears about not being liked, and she was

bullied and didn't give a shit about it, she was like, well,

these other kids have a problem and like her entire life. And so

she had just this much different approach than I did in the way

that she came to the world, you know, like, just not being

concerned with what people thought and not doing the

conventional thing, you know, not following, necessarily

society's expectations of her as a woman. And, and not in some

sort of rude, respectful way. But just in like, she definitely

had her own path. And so for me, to be around somebody like her,

was really different. You know, it was really empowering for me

to see somebody like so uncaring about what people thought and

so, you know, committed to just doing her the best version of

her that she could. And that was, that was really eye

opening. To me, it took me frankly, a long time to learn

those skills. And I would say that I learned a lot of that

from her.

Yeah, yeah, I think it's, it's always important that you can

learn something from your partner that they're kind of

opening up a new world to you. Because if you are on the same

side, then yeah, there's a lot of understanding, and you can

relate to each other. But maybe you will get tired of each other

at some point. And if the person is kind of on the opposite side,

then there's that beautiful little tension that that creates

that attraction and on very subtle levels.

That's

really powerful. Now, if we were to, to inspire and give hope to

people who are still struggling with uncertainty, all that

uncertainty with COVID, what would you recommend? How should

we use this time now? wisely? What would you say is the most

important thing to do right now, when you maybe lost your job,

you have too much time on your side. And don't know really how

to? Yeah, grow in those times, because we feel so restricted,

but I feel you could tell us about how we can still work on

ourselves and create hope within us.

I have a few thoughts. And I'll first say that I fast tracked

through my experienced March, okay, you know, I can say what

the problem was, and that I, you know, I the way to deal with a

good outcome of, you know, me getting to this place? Well, the

truth is, is that it took a lot of work, you know, it wasn't

like, I was scared, scared, scared, and then one day I woke

up and everything was okay. You know, I was scared, scared,

scared for a few weeks, and then just recognize that the best way

for me and many people to, to work out of a, of an emotional

state like that is to is to do the hard work on yourself, you

know, and I've had a pretty practice of self care for

probably the last five or six years and I've always kind of

had a decent practice but nothing like this. And I just

doubled down on it, frankly, you know, I did have some more time

on my hands. And so I committed to a pretty significant workout

regimen and made some very specific goals around my

physical health last year that you know, in other years with

less time wouldn't have been practical, but I thought okay,

listen. I've been At the time, and I know that it'll yield

results psychologically, that will serve me. in other ways, if

I'm really, really focused on my health, you know, eating well

and exercising lots, I just thought, okay, if I can commit

to this one thing, it's something that I can control, I

can do it within the confines of my house. And like most people,

we were locked up a lot. Like we had 16 weeks in quarantine last

year. So, so that was the thing that I did, but that was on top

of, you know, a very regimented early morning practice. Like, it

didn't matter that a lot of times I didn't have to be

anywhere till nine like kids were home, there wasn't a lot of

stress in the morning, I, I still made a point of you know,

getting up for going down to the basement doing my stretches for

15 minutes writing out my gratitude, writing out my

affirmations you know, writing out my goals, both for the near

term in the long term, doing a visioning practice doing a

meditation, practicing in front of my, my blue light, my

satellite, why did all and all that before going to work out

for an hour or an hour and a half, depending on how much time

I had. And then spending time intentionally with my children,

you know, with breakfast, and having some laughs playing a

board game or whatever I thought, you know, this is

always important stuff that I advocate for anybody to do this,

you know, if they want to improve their mental health and

improve their motivation and improve some of the things that

they're attracting in their life. Like, I think these are

paramount. But they were absolutely essential for me in

in recognizing the beauty of my life, and how might be with no

possessions and no income. And, and when like, when you're good,

you're good. Like when you're good, you don't need a car, you

don't need a house, you don't need money in savings. Like when

you're when you're good you can you can be good. And you see

that, like when you look around the planet, and you see the joy

in children's faces who literally have like absolutely

nothing but possibly a shirt on their back. But, you know,

infant playing little games with balls and sticks and, and you

see other people with significantly less than you and

just a lot of joy and, and care in their hearts, you know,

you're reminded that listen, like, we just live such a

blessed life that we take most of it for granted. And, and I

think through that journey, and through that practice, I was

able to get back to basics a little bit more. And that's

helped me show up better, I think this year. And this has

been one of my best years from a personal growth standpoint. I

think ever frankly. And I think it's because I kind of had a bit

of a reset, you know, I did say there's nothing say it's just

you How would you be well, I'd eat really well. I'd exercise

loss i'd focus on my mental health and I will try to be the

best person I could and love everybody.

Beautiful. What a powerful ending, closing and and yeah,

this is

my shirt. So this is why I've got these new work shirts. I'm

wearing this shirt every day now.

Yes, and I screenshot of this. I'm gonna take a screenshot for

the people out there. Yes, we need to see that shared

coordinate. Thank you endlessly for your time today and for

opening up so much. Like it was so valuable. We brought a lot of

Yeah, light and hope out into the world. And yeah, I'm very

excited to share this episode. And I was very excited to get to

know you a little better. And yeah, so much.

Yeah, this has been a real joy for me as well. And I would love

to sit down with you once, things relax a little bit and we

can have a cup of coffee together and, and do this again

sometime. So thank you for having me. It was a pleasure to

chat with you.

Thank you so much for listening to this interview. It is really

important for me that Yeah, you make your own conclusions, but

ultimately feel inspired and feel. Yeah, that you're not

alone. If you're going through mess right now, if you're going

through pain, know that one day, it might all make sense. It

might all look very different than it feels right now. So

never give up and know that the universe has your back or God

has your back or yourself. You have your back. And if you need

help reach out for help. We are not professionals here. We're

just people who went through stuff, but can talk but there's

excellent counselors out there who can help you out if you feel

hopeless, and powerless. Thank you so much for listening. And

if you feel like taking some time aside Just a couple minutes

leave us a review on Apple podcast. It would mean the world

to us. Thank you so much, and have a good rest of your day.