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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: When you're a woman who leads, sometimes you find your way blocked all of a sudden the forward path to progress doesn't seem so easy to travel. Our next guest here is to help us reclaim our destiny, welcome to the uworld, order, showcase, podcast where we feature life, health, transformational coaches and spiritual entrepreneurs stepping up to be the change they seek in the world. I'm your host, Jill Hart, the coaches alchemist on a mission to help coaches and entrepreneurs amplify their voice

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: and monetize their mission as well as get visible leveraging podcasts and the huge audience. We have over on the Gnostic TV network. Today we are chatting with Amy Kemp, who is an author, strategic coach and business owner, best known for making complicated ideas

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: and strategies simple and accessible to all people. Welcome to the show, Amy. It is great to have you here with us.

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Amy Kemp: Thanks for having me, Joe.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: So I'm gonna ask you the big question that I'm asking everybody.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Are you ready.

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Amy Kemp: Yes.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Okay, so what's the most significant thing in your opinion, as individuals, we can do to make an impact on how the world is going.

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Amy Kemp: Hmm!

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Amy Kemp: This is interesting question today, because I was preparing for an event I have coming up. And so I was writing my.

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Amy Kemp: what I'm going to be teaching. And I went recently on an architectural tour downtown Chicago, with my daughter, and you kind of take this boat through the city and you. They teach you about all of the history of the architecture. Well, there's this one building at 100 and 50 River Street, and it has a very narrow base, and then it kind of angles and then goes straight up. But because the piece of

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Amy Kemp: land it was built on was so small they had to make the base of the building very small and deep.

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Amy Kemp: that being said when the wind blows, as it does in Chicago, the building shakes and sways, and so to counterbalance on top of the roof. They have a

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Amy Kemp: a hundred 50,000 gallons of water in these tanks. That kind of moves from side to side to counterbalance the wind blowing against it.

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Amy Kemp: And I've been watching a lot of wind blowing lately in our world.

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Amy Kemp: Strongly, and some of it feels

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Amy Kemp: cruel. It feels harmful, it feels harsh.

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Amy Kemp: And I've been asking myself what's my counterbalance?

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Amy Kemp: And I think the the main thing

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Amy Kemp: is being in physical proximity, like creating spaces where people can be together, person to person, not screen, to screen.

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Amy Kemp: who believe different things

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Amy Kemp: and who have different life experiences. And that part of my role here could be just to continue to gather people.

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Amy Kemp: Because when you're really close to people. And you see the nuance and complexity, and you understand the fullness of them. It's really hard to hate people.

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Amy Kemp: We're just biologically not wired to hate people. And so I feel like that's my counterbalance right now. It's a concrete thing I can think to do is just to be in spaces with people, and to collect people in those spaces with me that believe different things and have different life experiences so.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I like that so much. It right now. It just feels like

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: the powers that be want to have us at each other's throats. There, there's power in controlling us if we're busy hating on each other.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: whereas if you can just sit in proximity with others, even if it's over the screen

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: and recognize that they're just another person, and they have a life experience, and their journey is the same as your journey, and you are where you are, and you're not right or wrong. No one is ever totally right or totally wrong. There is no right answer. I'm sorry. It's just the way the thing is, it's like nothing is ever all bad or all good.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: But people want you to think that, you know. If you believe my way, then you're all good.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Well, that's just not true. And it just causes friction. It's that wind that's pushing against the building and causing the building to sway. But if we could just like stand together

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: and realize that we have all the power to make a difference in the way the world is going. And I'm not just talking about one country. It's the whole world.

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Amy Kemp: Is he?

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Experiencing this, and it's if we just stand together and say no wind.

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Amy Kemp: Yeah.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: We're gonna be. We're gonna be.

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Amy Kemp: Counterbalance with.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Could it? Yes.

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Amy Kemp: Love, and with care for each other.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And kindness. Kindness is the.

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Amy Kemp: Yeah, and respect, yeah, I know.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, I I really.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I feel very passionate about that. It's a lot of the reason why I do what I do is because I want to talk to people who are

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: are making a difference, and that is how we make a difference, as we.

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Amy Kemp: In the work I do with the assessment tool I use. There's a framework that's called systemic thinking, and it is all or nothing, right or wrong, black or white, and it's what you just described it so beautifully. But what happens is that when we apply systemic thinking to relationships, it's very damaging or to very complicated topics. It's very damaging, and I think some of it is the.

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Amy Kemp: you know, talking about very complicated things in 2 sentences bit right versus

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Amy Kemp: to novels that it requires. And so but we're applying systemic thinking in spaces where it doesn't belong. And it's creating division in our relationships. And so that's going to be, probably, I think, at the forefront of the problems needing to be solved right now so that we can start to create again, and really collaborate and expand and come up with solutions to some of the world's problems that are very serious.

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Amy Kemp: So yeah, I'm with you.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Think a lot of the world problems that exist right now have to do with trying to push people to be a certain way so that they're all the same. And really it's in the diversity

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: that the beauty and the tapestry of of humanity is expressed. And when you can just value a person for

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: for what they contribute

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: to life in general, because everyone has a gift. We're not here to do everything, and we're not here to be the best at everything, and I wish they would get rid of grading people on shit, because it just doesn't matter. We're we're only gifted with a couple things, and we're really good at a couple things and everything else doesn't matter. There's somebody else to be good at that. Let's let them be really good at that and appreciate them for it.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: That's the thing is that we. We tend to want to be good at everything, and we we lose that ability to just say, Hey, I love that little aspect of who you are

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: that's so fantastic. You don't have to be good at everything. But I love this one little thing.

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Amy Kemp: Yep.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Go, you.

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Amy Kemp: Celebrating the difference.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yes.

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Amy Kemp: Yeah.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And and loving yourself in the process, because you can accept that you don't have to be the best at everything which

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I think that

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: that is the thing that almost all of us struggle with is that we're just not good enough. Well.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: no, you're not, and you don't have to be.

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Amy Kemp: Yeah, so, true.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: You're really good at something.

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Amy Kemp: Yep.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: So how do you think these subconscious habits are formed that.

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Amy Kemp: Yeah, most most of our. So I'll back up. The the work I do is around subconscious habits of thinking. So these grooves that are created in our brain like anything. We are hardwired to survive.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: So a lot of our subconscious habits of thinking were developed because they helped us survive.

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Amy Kemp: In a certain environment. And the problem is, when you employ a survival mechanism past the point of needing, it becomes very damaging.

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Amy Kemp: I even think a little bit about like a we'll just use our country as an example. We, our survival mechanism, was independence, because that's what we were formed on.

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Amy Kemp: But we are past the point of needing to have fierce independence. We now need to have cooperative dependence on each other, even globally, right? And so.

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Amy Kemp: But we're still employing our survival mechanism, which is fierce independence. And it's now damaging us. It's damaging relationships. It's damaging us. And so it's an interesting like, you can see it in people all the time. Many of the people I work with

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Amy Kemp: are women who survived difficult circumstances by achieving.

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Amy Kemp: by accomplishing, by moving up the rinks by building the biggest business or moving up the corporate ladder, or and a lot of survival mechanisms like perfectionism, people pleasing, overworking.

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Amy Kemp: They work really well to move you up those ladders to a point.

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Amy Kemp: and then at that point they become detrimental and damaging almost to the point of where it will cost you your life. You know you will get sick

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Amy Kemp: if you don't make some changes. So subconscious habits of thinking are

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Amy Kemp: so critical, and we rarely talk about them.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Wonder if.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: as you were talking, I was thinking about how women in the workforce and in corporate in the corporate world. Specifically.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I know I was in the corporate world when I was in my thirties, twenties and thirties, and

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: the experience that I had was, it was easy for men.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: and it was really hard for all the women.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: and we were just expected to do more. We earned less.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: and we worked longer hours, and if there was something fun that was happening. It was all the guys went off and did it.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: but the girls had to go home and take care of their families and.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And you were expected to not only work and climb that corporate ladder, but you were expected to raise great kids and

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: have a perfectly clean home.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, and to be a fantastic cook, and to entertain all your husband's friends, because that was.

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Amy Kemp: I absolutely. I have a there's a whole chapter in my book about this topic of unpaid labor. There was a time where women did all of the unpaid labor in the world.

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Amy Kemp: and

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Amy Kemp: one person left the home to make the income. And then the other person did all of the unpaid labor. Well, we know in our economy now that more than 75%. And in a lot of states, it's more like 90% of women work outside of the home, and yet they still do over 90% of the unpaid labor.

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Amy Kemp: even though they have largely left the home to work. And so they're doing 2 full-time jobs. But not only are they doing that. What you mentioned is also true where they're also not in the places where the decisions are made where the relationships are formed because

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Amy Kemp: they have to go home and do their other job.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah.

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Amy Kemp: So it's a very real thing. We don't talk about it a lot, but if you add up

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Amy Kemp: the amount of hours that the average woman does in unpaid labor over like their main earning years. It's about 7 years worth of labor, which is about what it takes to get, you know a degree, a master's degree, a graduate degree. Basically, it's really interesting. Yeah.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It is really interesting. And you know you, you look at the divorce rate in the world, and they're like, Well, we don't understand it. So like Duh, women are working. They have to work outside the home, and they have to work in the home. What the hell do they need? A husband for?

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Amy Kemp: Yeah, it's interesting.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I'm sorry, cause you're so tired you don't want sex. I mean.

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Amy Kemp: Yeah.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And you're just like having fights.

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Amy Kemp: The other interesting piece of it is that the thing that holds women in that work more than anything is other women.

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Amy Kemp: We get more negative feedback about offloading that unpaid labor from women than we do from men generally, and more pushback, more criticism, more expectation of what you should do comes from other women versus, you know, paying, for example, I tell this story in the book. My friend Erica owns a cleaning business, and she employs 10 women, and

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Amy Kemp: would I not rather give my money to another woman.

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Amy Kemp: who then has flexible hours, and can work around her family and provide income for her family to do the unpaid labor, or some of it in my life. Right?

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Amy Kemp: Why would we criticize another woman for doing that? But I cannot tell you how many people I interviewed for my book around this topic, who said, Do not use my name. I do not want anyone to know that I have all of this help.

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Amy Kemp: and I want to say, Well, you you run a

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Amy Kemp: you know you oversee a 20 million dollar account for Google like, why would

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Amy Kemp: it would be laughable for a man to come home and then do all the laundry, all the cooking, all of that, while, you know it would be laughable. He would never try to do that. So it's just an interesting thing. But, she said, do not tell anyone. I do not want anyone to know

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Amy Kemp: all of the help I have.

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Amy Kemp: This is something that needs to get out. Yeah. And and on top of that you're hiring people. I have a maid.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I work from home, but my husband's home all the time, and he's retired, and

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: yes, he goes out and does stuff, but I'm spending all my time cleaning up after him, and doing all the laundry and the dishes, and

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: you know.

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Amy Kemp: Desk, and it isn't.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Even bought, I'll tell you. He even bought a lawnmower riding lawnmower. I was pushing the stupid thing across the yard, took me 4 h

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: takes him 15 min when he became in charge of it.

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Amy Kemp: There's also something about the energy of paying, of being taken care of

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Amy Kemp: that, because a lot of times people will say I don't have the money to do it. There's something around the energy of saying I am worth being taken care of that has a way of when you put it out into the world.

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Amy Kemp: it will bring money back to you in larger quantities. It's money is a funny thing like that. It moves in the direction of worthiness, and in a direction of receiving an openness. And so, when you say to the world, I'm worth being taken care of, it has a way of taking care of you, not only physically and with the unpaid labor, but financially.

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Amy Kemp: And then I think also, if you're choosing to do the unpaid labor which is important work. There is a great value to it. And for in my case, let's say, during the years when my kids were younger, my business grew more slowly than other people's businesses did. It was very consistent and steady growth, but it was never a skyrocketing growth.

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Amy Kemp: and

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Amy Kemp: I think there's something very satisfying about knowing that part, that the reason that that happens is because you are choosing to do this unpaid labor that is important to you, and is in alignment with your value system right? So not to beat yourself up and feel like there's something wrong with you that it isn't growing as fast, rather just to say, Oh, well, obviously.

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Amy Kemp: you know my peer who's tripling their sales, or whatever it is that you do, doesn't have to do any unpaid labor. That's a totally different thing. I also always want to say that it's not dependent upon children, because there's an unpaid labor survey in the book that you can take. It tells you how many hours a week you average. And

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Amy Kemp: we found only 2 of the items, and there are about 30, maybe even more on the list. Only 2 have anything to do with children

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Amy Kemp: that it really doesn't matter. So if you're someone who who, you know.

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Amy Kemp: isn't apparent, it doesn't mean you don't also have unpaid labor in your home, and a lot of it.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, just having a home requires certain things that happen. And someone has to do it. And

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: and it's okay for the labor to shift

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: in relationships. Sometimes we get all caught up in the this is my domain, and that's your domain. Thing.

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Amy Kemp: Which is.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Really detrimental to women.

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Amy Kemp: Area.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Anything. But they get to this point where they're just like they're owning it, and it becomes a part of who they are instead of just.

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Amy Kemp: Something that needs to be done.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Something that needs to be done. And then you get into this trap where you're just really good at it, because you've done it for so long. Like.

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Amy Kemp: Cooking.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Cooking is painful for me to watch other people cook. I've done it for so long, and I'm so good at it that it takes me like 10 min to do something that it takes other people hours. It is agonizing. But when you have kids or you're trying to show your husband who doesn't really know how to cook, how to cook. You have to like just like back off. Maybe go have a snack somewhere. If you're if you're really that hungry.

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Amy Kemp: Yeah.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Maybe make a practice of letting them start early, so that they have the 2 h.

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Amy Kemp: We always giggle because, growing up, my mom worked full time, and we always had someone who cleaned our house. And she actually has been a part of our family for 30, I mean she was there when I was in grade school, so I don't even know how long, but she's such an important part of our family. We love her so much, and

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Amy Kemp: in any case people would always say, Well, if you don't have your kids clean. Then they won't know how to clean when they have their own house. And I said, No, you're exactly right. I don't know how to clean, but I did know how to hire someone to clean, which.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: That isn't.

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Amy Kemp: First.st

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: In school.

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Amy Kemp: It's the 1st thing I did really, professionally was. We lived in a tiny little house, my very 1st house, and that was one of the 1st things we did was hire someone to clean. And it's interesting because I didn't even consider it. I just thought, Oh, that's what you do. I didn't consider it to be a thing or a big deal, but I just knew I was exhausted when I got home from work, and I didn't want to work again.

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Amy Kemp: All right.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah.

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Amy Kemp: This all day. I'm so passionate about it for women, particularly because women are so. Here's the real damage. They are so tired as they should be from doing 2 jobs.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Hello!

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Amy Kemp: But what it translates into is, there's something wrong with me that I can't get ahead in this or that.

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Amy Kemp: and it's not actually anything wrong with you. It's that you're doing 2 jobs.

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Amy Kemp: Just recently. This is a funny story about this, too. One of my good friends, her

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Amy Kemp: cleaning lady called. She was in New York

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Amy Kemp: on a work trip, and her cleaning lady called and said.

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Amy Kemp: Is everything okay? And my friend said, Why? And she said. I just got your house, and it is a disaster, and it never looks like this when I get here, you know. And so she called her husband that night, and said, Oh, my gosh! You know I got a call, saying the house was a mess, and her husband said, Oh, yeah, I'm not. I'm not trying to keep up with any of that. I'm just getting the kids where they're supposed to be like, I'm doing the bare minimum

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Amy Kemp: right? Because and and good for him, he he's just smart like he knows his capacity and knows like this is a lot.

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Amy Kemp: I'm not gonna try to do all that, too.

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Amy Kemp: It's really interesting.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It is really interesting. How, how different people look at things like that. It's just like, yeah.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And guys do it, too. You know, there are guys I have to tell my husband all the time. No, take it to the mechanic when it comes to cars.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Could you fix it? Maybe.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: but they're going to fix it better. It's going to be under warranty, and it's going to get done like right away.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: If you want to have a project, go work on your corvette in the garage.

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Amy Kemp: Yeah.

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Amy Kemp: here's the other thing that we miss sometimes in the exchange of that is just community, right? It's relationships. It's the fabric of our communities. It's the thing that it's the interdependence. What I was talking about, right where we depend on other people, we're designed to live in community. We're designed to need other people. That's how we were created. And so I just think it's interesting. We're so resistant to to living that way.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It's the wanting to be the best at everything, and we're trained.

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Amy Kemp: Yes.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Be that way. We're given A's and little gold stars in school that just says, Oh, you're so good at this and this and this, and we want our kids to get straight. A's. No, I don't care if my kids ever get straight. A's. What I want them to do is to really embrace what they're good at, and just keep on that path. And the other stuff will come. But you know, if it doesn't come, it's okay, too, because.

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Amy Kemp: I.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I'm not interested in it.

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Amy Kemp: In the second chapter of my book I talk about natural genius and understanding. Not only the question is, What do you do that feels easy to you, but astonishes everyone else. What is that thing that

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Amy Kemp: when you do it you come alive, and you don't even know you're doing it. It's just this very natural, easy thing to you, but we often don't know what it is, because it feels so easy to us, and then we also undervalue it financially, because we don't realize that not everyone can do that thing. We can't. All you know.

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Amy Kemp: I tell this story in the book one of my clients. She was a project manager, and she. They have a building on their property, and she wanted to convert it into like community center kind of space. And so I said, Well, why don't you use the same process that you would use at work to create to do a complete a project?

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Amy Kemp: So about 30 min after we got done with our call she sends me a picture. It's a poster board with about 50 post-it notes on it, and it says at the top barn that looks like a crack house, and then it goes all the way down to like opening day, and she walked it out right. She had all, and after every step she would flip, you know, flip the the

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Amy Kemp: post-it note, and I said to her, Do you know that not everyone can do that. Not everyone could have just created that whole step by step process from start to finish in 30 min. And she's like, what what do you mean? That's her natural genius? She didn't know that that ability was rare, or that not everyone can do that. So so many examples of that.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, we all have one.

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Amy Kemp: We do, we all.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And we aren't taught as children to appreciate.

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Amy Kemp: The.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Thing that makes us different. We're taught to to devalue that and to stifle it, and to like.

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Amy Kemp: Emulate.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah.

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Amy Kemp: We'll be part of the board. And yeah, yeah.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Thing everybody else is doing, and then you then you lose the ability to appreciate other people. My dad has a cleaning lady.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: and this woman Viola is her name. She's from Poland.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And her husband used to be a truck driver, but he died he had a heart attack, but he was able to get the truck off the road before he died, which was like

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: kind of amazing. She's been with my dad for probably 15 years now.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: She's an amazing human being my dad has to leave because he'll just sit and talk to her for hours, and she's the kind of person that he loves her so much and appreciates the work that she does so much that he pays her even when he goes on vacation. If he's not home and she doesn't have to do anything. She he continues to pay her because he has a contract with her. I pay you every 2 weeks, and

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: you know, if I'm not here for a couple of months. It's not your fault, so you should

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: just have a vacation too.

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Amy Kemp: Yeah, yeah.

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Amy Kemp: those are the kind of relationships that are established of trust and loyalty and love and care that make our world a better place.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yes, and and there's

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: there's people like that all over the place, you know, the people that came and put our fence in. Could we have built a fence. Yes.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: but we have a beautiful fence because Roy did it, and Roy has built other fences, and we know which ones he's built in town, because, you know, they're really good.

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Amy Kemp: Yeah.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: He's, you know, people get known for doing things because they're so good at it. And it brings beauty to the community. Yeah, when when you have, when you take advantage of the people that are really good, instead of just trying to be the best at everything yourself.

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Amy Kemp: Yep.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Which isn't to say that you shouldn't explore things that you're interested in, like, you know, gardening gardening is not one of those easy things to do. But if you're inspired to grow a garden.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: you can still, you know, go to your neighbor, who is a really good gardener, and get their food.

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Amy Kemp: Absolutely. Yep.

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Amy Kemp: Hmm.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: So how do people change those subconscious habits that they've they've grooved into their brains and.

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Amy Kemp: Yeah, you know, I I was

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Amy Kemp: think about changing subconscious. Well, first, st I think

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Amy Kemp: the habit finder tool that I use measures, the risk that your brain is going to fall into certain habits of thinking. So it doesn't say, this is your personality. This is who you are. It's saying

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Amy Kemp: you're at low, moderate, or high risk of your brain when you're not aware of it, of just sliding down this slide. I think of it like the children's game shoots and ladders. You know. You land on that piece. You're going to go down that slide when you're at high risk. It's just a deep groove. It has a lot of repetition there.

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Amy Kemp: Well, if you think about risk when we let's say our

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Amy Kemp: Tsa is at high risk at the airport of a of a terrorist threat. Let's say, what do you do when there's a high risk? Well.

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Amy Kemp: you slow down.

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Amy Kemp: You move more slowly through something you're much more aware you're paying attention to all of the little things that you might otherwise just skip over. So you just you pay closer attention. You increase your awareness. You go more slowly, and you make deliberate choices along the way, right? That are checked by the people around you. There are processes and systems. So when you're changing habits of thinking.

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Amy Kemp: it's both relational where you're in relationship with people who are holding you accountable. Some of it's just repetition in your brain and a lot of it is awareness. Oh, here it is. I'm feeling this coming up in me, and I'm going to make a different choice here, instead of just going down the old groove.

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Amy Kemp: So, for example, a very common habit of thinking is obligation. Have to need to. Should deep groove have to need to should have to, and it is the heaviest, most exhausting energy with this habit of thinking.

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Amy Kemp: So when you are working your way out of that, you create a new groove I choose to.

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Amy Kemp: I choose to wake up. When my alarm goes off I get to wake up. When my alarm goes off. I want to wake up when my alarm goes off, and I make the smallest of choices using that new habit of thinking.

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Amy Kemp: and I just catch it every time I feel my brain. Oh, there it was again! Catch it, you know, and it's a little bit like gardening. My flowers are just starting to come up. I love to be outside, but you have to weed them

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Amy Kemp: all the time. There's weeds all the time right? And so there's this constant thing with your thinking also where you you weed. You get in there and dig stuff out, and you recognize there it is, and you pull it out and you pull it out again, and it doesn't ever fully go away. You're always in the process of I always say my brain is very active and powerful, and it requires a high level of care.

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Amy Kemp: So if you have one of those brains, and usually, you know, if you do, you know, this doesn't just go to good places. Naturally, I really work at it. I have my hands in the dirt, digging out weeds all the time.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: This reminds me of something when I 1st started gardening, and I didn't know the difference between tiny plants and weeds, and I planted a whole bunch of it must have been cabbage, or some, or broccoli, or something.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: because cabbages have a certain look that I know now that there were weeds growing up at the same time. And I'm trying to like figure out, you know what is what.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: But as you practice, and you learn, this is what a weed looks like. And this is what the thought look, or the plant looks like the same with your thoughts. They kind of look similar in the beginning. But as you get more practice, you recognize them right away. Oh, no, we're getting rid of that. We're getting rid of that. And we're going to really cultivate this one, because it's going to be a good thought, and and it'll grow and.

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Amy Kemp: And there's also this, like

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Amy Kemp: you get yourself in the observer's chair. We call it where you're you're observing. Oh, there it was again! That was just a thought. I think that's another really important distinction is that this isn't you? These are just thoughts. Your brain, isn't. You? Thoughts are just things that are floating around in there now, do they impact you? Oh, absolutely. Do they impact the way you connect with people the way you do your work.

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Amy Kemp: They a lot of things. Yes, your health directly, right? We. There's a direct correlation between your physical body and your thought life. So it definitely has an impact. But it's not you. And you can observe your thoughts and say, that's fascinating, that I'm having this strong of a reaction to this. There must be something going on there where you're almost like watching yourself and able to kind of create some separation so that you can make a different choice.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And you can choose to think about what you think about.

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Amy Kemp: Yes, you can, you can, but I will tell you. Some of the most challenging habits of thinking to change are those systemic ones that I was talking about, because when you get into a systemic thought, you feel it with your whole body, it's like a visceral fight or flight reaction.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Reaction that happens.

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Amy Kemp: There's actually a few things that disrupt systemic thoughts best which you'll love. This one of them is music.

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Amy Kemp: One of them is movement. So dancing, exercise, walking, you know, just moving your body differently right? And then the 3rd one is laughter.

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Amy Kemp: When we laugh together, or something funny happens, it breaks us out of that systemic thought habit. But those habits of thinking are so difficult to stop once they get rolling.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I used to do that with my kids. 2 of those 3 things one was with my boys when they would get like obnoxious, or get in my face, and they wanted to start a fight.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I would make them do push-ups.

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Amy Kemp: Or jumping.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Jacks, something that just like

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: shifts shifts them back into their body. And it's really hard to be arguing with Mom when you're doing push-ups.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: and the other one was with my daughter when she would start getting into the whiny mode.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I would just make her smile, and we would just hey?

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Both laughing, and then she forgot all about it. And at this point in her life she is just like

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: she looks for reasons to be happy instead of reasons to be upset at things right.

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Amy Kemp: Yeah, I do think the I do think the way out of our current

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Amy Kemp: situation also, just the difficulty of of relationships right now, and the division that we're all feeling are those 3 things. Or

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Amy Kemp: I also am reading. I read this book about awe. When we experience art, when we experience music when we experience something together that or nature like when you see something together that inspires you, even, I think about like the Olympics, it feels like awe where we watch people. And we just think, wow!

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Amy Kemp: When we experience that together with other human beings, it connects us.

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Amy Kemp: and that the more spaces we have. I went to this really great comedy show at like this little piano bar in Chicago. This past weekend and the laughter together is so renewing, and it feels better than it's ever felt before. It's always felt great. But or when you go to a really great show like a theater show. But those connecting points are going to be very vital. I think if we're going to work our way through this, yeah.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I agree with you, and leaving people space to have

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: whatever opinion they want to have or whatever thought they want to have, because you don't have to have a thought about other people's thoughts either.

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Amy Kemp: No, no, you can just.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Just say, oh.

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Amy Kemp: Do you.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Interesting!

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Amy Kemp: I always say.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It's fascinating.

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Amy Kemp: Say, wow, yeah, wow.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: You acknowledged that they said something, and

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: you don't have to have an opinion about it. You can just allow them the space to explore their own opinion.

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Amy Kemp: Yeah.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: May change, it may not, and they may have a valid opinion that you just haven't explored yet.

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Amy Kemp: True.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Does it again? Does it make somebody right or somebody wrong?

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Amy Kemp: Do you do coaching with this as well as your book?

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Amy Kemp: The tool I use. The habit finder has a curriculum, and I work with women in small groups that we work through the curriculum together in the summer, in the spring and in the fall. I do it like school semesters. So I have groups in fall and in the spring, and then I have one on one clients who just need a little deeper experience with. But we use the same material.

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Amy Kemp: the habit finder, and then the curriculum.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Love that. So how can people find this.

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Amy Kemp: So the habit finder you can actually take for free, which is really fun. You get a really detailed report right away. It's a 44, page Pdf. And the charts and everything that you can see and imagine. It's like a snapshot of those subconscious habits of thinking. It tells you where you have risk of falling into these certain habits of thinking. In certain areas

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Amy Kemp: you can find the habit finder at my website, which is just my name amykemp.com. You also can find some really fun resources around the book which is called I See you. I did a really fun interview, sort of Oprah style with the 1st 6 women who read the book.

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Amy Kemp: One of my most favorite people that you can watch on there, and they're in my living room, and we're just talking about the book. But you can find some really great resources there, and also links to order the book. There.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I love that so thank you so much for joining us, Amy. This has been a great conversation.

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Amy Kemp: Thanks for having me. I appreciate it.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: To learn more about working with Amy and to take the habit finder assessment. Please visit amykemp.com, and I'll be sure to put that in the show notes. Thank you for tuning in with us today. If you have a podcast or you're interested in starting one to get your message in front of our huge and active audience. Be sure to reach out to us at jill@gnostictv.com. We love to help spiritual entrepreneurs and coaches, amplify their voice and monetize their mission and offer a variety of ways to do this on the Gnostic TV network platform.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: join us for our next episode as we share what others are doing to raise the global frequency. And remember, change begins with you. You have all the power to change the world, start today and get visible.