David:

[0:00] When hiring to fill a position, what kind of metrics do you use? Knowledge, skill, experience, getting along with others, teachable. Interpersonal dynamics can make or break a company. Soft skills, or how we get along with people, are critical to how we interact with others in the workplace. Soft skills today are commonly called emotional intelligence, or IE, quotient. And there's assessments you can take to measure your emotional intelligence. But today I brought on Candice Johnson. She has an Instagram ministry doing lots of different things, and she's going to help us understand emotional intelligence and how to better equip ourselves to handle these interpersonal dynamics in our business and really in all of our life. So Candice, welcome. And to start off, tell us a little bit about yourself and what makes you authority on this subject.

Candice:

[0:50] Hi, thank you for having me. Yeah, so my name is Candice. I actually have a bachelor's degree in nursing, so a BSN. I'm nursing trained and then have several certifications in transformational personal development and emotional intelligence, both for adults and teenagers. That's a little bit about my background. And I actually left my nursing career in 2020, and I elevated very quickly to management and becoming a clinical education director back then. That's a little bit about me over the last 20 years.

David:

[1:26] Sure. Yeah. And probably like me, things change and morph and you start off down one road and then you continue learning and growing and change, don't you? So this is a Christian podcast and we'd like to inspire listeners to be salt and light in the world and to basically spur one another on to love and to good deeds. So quick question. What is one way that you have found you can honor God in your business?

Candice:

[1:53] Stay on assignment. We were just talking about that right before we go.

David:

[1:59] Yes, yes. Yes. What does that mean?

Candice:

[2:01] Stay on assignment. It means don't get stuck. And this is actually something that we use in transformational training and transformational tools is don't get stuck, meaning don't get stuck in your process. Don't get stuck on the, it has to look this way. Don't get stuck on being right about the thing. Don't get stuck because you never know when the Lord is going to say, okay, hokey pokey, we're on to the next thing.

David:

[2:31] Okay.

Candice:

[2:32] Stay on assignment.

David:

[2:34] That's good. When I think getting stuck, I'm thinking about I want to be perfect and I'm stopping until I get all the things perfect and in order and I stay in one spot too long.

Candice:

[2:45] One of my mentors, whenever I get like that, because we all get like that regardless of our personality styles, right? And if you're into emotional intelligence, You're looking at personality quadrants and personality styles, trainings, metrics, things like that. I had a mentor once and I hear this. This was four years ago when I was in a training and he said this to me in a private chat on Zoom, but I knew his personality and I knew it was coming through. And this is what he said. Actually, well, I'm going to leave you hanging for a minute. I think of this every time the perfectionism kicks in. every single time I get stuck, every time those things. This is what he said to me. Are you ready?

David:

[3:30] Yep.

Candice:

[3:31] Stop it. Stop. Stop. That's literally what he said in all capital letters. Stop it. And then he would follow it up if I didn't with get off it.

David:

[3:46] That's really good. So for our audience, which may or may not know define emotional intelligence what does that mean

Candice:

[3:54] Emotional intelligence to me it can be defined several different ways especially if you google it or wikipedia it or whatever but to me emotional intelligence means two things it means something in here and then something out there so emotional intelligence means how connected am i to my emotions such that I have done enough healing work so that I show up to myself in a way that's neutral, effective.

Candice:

[4:30] And moving the needle forward. And what that means to me also is it's not pushing through like, say, our parents' age would do. Pushing through, I just got through it or pushed through. That's not emotional intelligence. That's scarification, as we learn. Okay? Okay. All right? That becomes anger and calcification and cancer and inflammation. That's my nursing background showing up. Okay. Emotional intelligence within me, being aware of my emotions, healing, doing the work that it takes so I can show up neutral. And when I can't, developing the tools such that I can show up neutral so that I don't get angry, so that I don't show up powerless or give my power away. The second piece of emotional intelligence is out there because anything that we see outside of us is going to be processed through us, through our eyes, through our brain, through our ears, through our mouth, through our skin. Every organ pretty much is going to receive data on our behalf. So if I don't have the right tools to process that data that's out there, then what's out there is also going to react to my reaction.

Candice:

[5:54] And I don't know about you, but I would much prefer that action be neutral or positive versus negative. That's emotional intelligence to me.

David:

[6:04] Okay. So when you say neutral, that's neither being angry or happy or what? What does that mean?

Candice:

[6:12] It's neutral. Neutral means there is no energy on it. That's more of a woo-woo. That's not my favorite terminology of it. but neutrality is such that I have no charge on it. For example, when partner says, hey, we need to make this decision and we didn't make it yesterday. What's wrong with you?

Candice:

[6:41] Or what is going on that you didn't get the 50,000 text messages? Neutral is, hmm got it what i hear you saying is the decision needs to be made and i have not stepped into my leadership to make that happen in an effective way and it's now affecting you got it neutral i am receiving responsibility of how i showed up for someone being in reaction and in a panic, not blaming not associating a judgment to that person i'm just responsible got it regardless of if i feel responsible or not sure that's the thing with emotional intent regardless of whether i am responsible for it or not got it i understand how right now i'm responsible for that what needs to occur right now in order for this to be taken care of that's neutrality i'm not negative i'm not positive, I am simply right here.

David:

[7:47] Okay. That makes sense. I'm just, I guess I'm trying to figure out what's the negative of being positive or being positive. Does that affect things negatively?

Candice:

[8:00] It can, because if I come to a situation with, say, for example, when I was in management, clinical education director, yeah. So when I was in management with my nurses or my paraclinicians, my staff and they come in with a significant issue. And I'm like, it's okay. It's all going to work out fine. I've got the plan. Like I have everything taken care of. It's all going to work out great. Okay. We, we have that meeting today. It's all good. That can actually activate someone even further than a negative experience. Now the negative experience of that, if you will, or the lack of better words for negative is heavier. Heavier is like, you know what? Last time you came into this office, I couldn't get anything done. I told you three times that I was going to take care of that issue. I got it. I am the manager. I'm taking care of it. We have the meeting today.

David:

[9:06] Yes. No, I get it now.

Candice:

[9:08] You know what I mean? It's sometimes even that overly opportunistic is like, here's the main concept. And we talked about this before the show. First seek to understand, then seek to be understood. Because if not, then what that person is hearing is you can't hear me. I'm not being heard. I'm not being understood. So anything that comes out of my mouth is not heard or understood. Because I haven't heard that person yet.

David:

[9:45] Yep. Makes sense. I was just trying to picture that. But yes, if I come and I'm overly optimistic, like what you said, it can make you feel like, well, I got it. I'll take care of you. You're stupid for thinking that. Or the negative one is, why are you bothering me again? So yes, I'm understanding that now. Very, very good. So I understand the neutrality part. This should be obvious again, but leaders, why is that important for a leader to do that, to be more neutral when people come to them with a problem situation?

Candice:

[10:23] It's important because we're not just talking about the task that's at hand right now. We're talking about an overall culture of the entire company and or the pieces of the company. For example, this one experience with this one person or this one experience with your team or this one experience with your managers, it goes into what we call the list.

Candice:

[10:53] And the list is the list of taxation or receiving tithing if you will that we record with each other we record it with our friends we record it with our bosses we record it with our kids our kids are recording constantly oh here's the 18 times dad came neutral and here's the one time he came negative. You know, here is the one time that dad showed up negative at work. We're keeping tally constantly. And when we get into a team environment, and when we get into an environment where there are things to handle, we want to know as effective, emotionally intelligent leaders that there's a neutral space constantly. One of the best pieces of feedback I ever received was before I knew I had any emotional intelligence and I had just been transitioned into the home health industry in my nursing career. And this was like lower, lower level, like beginning level working from the bottom. The feedback that I received was, Candace, you are the most emotionally stable person we have ever had in our home.

Candice:

[12:18] And I thought, well, that's interesting because there's chaos going up in here. You know, I had so much going on in my life. I did. I did. I needed spiritual healing. I was definitely in sin. And I had a lot going on. But the feedback that I received was different. So even before I had the tools, I was showing up that way. And that creates an environment for everyone to produce results effectively. Effectively and it also inspires that's what that's like that is what jesus did with the disciples with his neutrality he wasn't mean angry upset he wasn't overly opera opera optimistic thank you that's the word i'm looking for right there was a neutrality that's in my experience how I encounter Christ. It inspires other people to show up the same. Got it. Every time I have come to Candice with an issue that's pressing, that's hard, that's difficult, she's shown up like this. It deescalates our clinicians. It deescalates our team and neutralizes our entire team. From that space, what's possible is intimacy, connection, authority, results.

Candice:

[13:46] And a really, really full heaven.

David:

[13:50] Yep. It reminds me of the trust part, the trust factor too. Because when you come in neutral, it seems like you're accepting the person too. And you're not overly bearing or apologetic or banging them over the head or whatever. You just, okay, let's get it done and move forward.

Candice:

[14:10] Yes. One of the scriptures that I just did a training on today, and of course now I'm not going to remember exactly the scripture. I believe it was in, gosh, is it in Corinthians? It's not in Corinthians. It's in Deuteronomy, I believe. And it's about essentially honor and how everyone, regardless of their role, has equal authority in the kingdom, was made in the likeness of God. Everyone, regardless of their station or gender, is equal, made in the likeness of the Lord. And I remember when I first became a manager, my first position, again, before emotional intelligence training, I sat down at my desk that first day and this idea came into my head from the Lord. I know it was now from the Lord, right? I didn't know then, but I knew now. Yeah. I know now. And it was, I wonder what would happen if I treated everyone like the manager. I wonder what would happen if I treated everyone like the manager.

Candice:

[15:23] Throughout my entire experience as a director and then as an emotional intelligence trainer, I always had the highest producing teams, the highest producing results, and I had people from other teams who wanted to come play on Candice's team. And I had people coming to me saying, Candice, how are you doing X, Y, and Z? How are you, how would you, how on earth do you have 15 more sales X, Y, Z than anybody yet? How are you that far ahead? Easy. Everybody's the manager.

David:

[16:02] Everybody's the manager and treat them like that. Very good. Very neat. What are some common mistakes you see people making when they're not showing emotional intelligence?

Candice:

[16:17] Reactivity. Reactivity in front of other people. Reactivity in front of our kids. Reactivity in front of our managers. Reactivity in front of our, I was going to say clinicians again, our team. That that reactivity is absolutely doomsday when it comes to our career our results and the bottom line of our company and.

David:

[16:51] You're talking about not just negative reactivity but you're talking about the positive as well is that what you're saying

Candice:

[16:58] Yeah you know what it's it's interesting that you ask that question what comes up for me when i hear that question is is what's going on in here, because if something bubbles up that that gets a rise out of me then that's something that i haven't healed handled or dealt with internally okay it's something that's poking at me can.

David:

[17:25] You can you repeat that if if i get a rise out of me it is why

Candice:

[17:30] Yes if something is getting a rise out of me if something if i am quick to anger or quick to react about something, that is something within me that hasn't been healed hasn't been dealt with or anger has not been released off of. I haven't forgiven myself for something. And most high-level CEOs, emotional intelligence trainers, multi-million dollar business owners who have had the pleasure and opportunity to coach and train, they don't think it has anything to do with them or anything to do with the inner healing.

David:

[18:13] No, it makes sense. It makes sense.

Candice:

[18:15] But if it continues, it's just, again, the list.

David:

[18:20] The list. Very good. So is there one or – I'm sure you can teach classes on this stuff. What are one or two ways that we can develop better, higher intelligence, strengthen our intelligence muscle that way to be better?

Candice:

[18:40] Yeah. Two things Number one Starts with self And number one Asking yourself I wonder what would have me Fill in the blank I wonder what would have me Getting angry at my son For asking for the popsicle right now I wonder what would have me Be so reactive about that due date, that I've pushed it off for a month. I wonder what would have me because when we use the word why, why would you, why would that has like a finger pointing experience versus, what brings me to my second, which is curiosity. When I come from a place of curiousness, As soon as that activation happens, as soon as that trigger is hit, because let's be honest, we're human. And just because I'm an emotional intelligence, whatever, fill in the blank resume, doesn't mean I'm not going to get reactive at some point. But what I know is, is if I train myself to come from a place of curiosity, hmm all right sue that has now activated the everything out of me.

Candice:

[20:09] And i take a deep breath and i say okay sue what's really coming up for you, what do you mean by that and what else and what else and what else okay got it sue what i'm hearing you say, what I think I'm hearing you say is this, this, this, and this. Is this what I'm hearing you say? Got it. Is there anything else? Is there anything else that I'm missing?

Candice:

[20:41] Anything else that I'm missing? Okay, got it, Sue. I understand it. If I may have a few minutes, I would like to come back to you tomorrow on this. Thank you. I appreciate that. Now, I haven't given the trigger my power. I've given curiosity the power, which is I care more about understanding where the activation has come from in me. And the way I'm going about it is understanding, first seeking to understand how my colleague or my assistant or my partner, whoever that is, my, my, my child, whatever.

Candice:

[21:18] How, what is their experience? Because it's creating something in me. If I don't understand what that experience is, there's no way I can understand how I got activated. And then there's no way I can heal it. And then it becomes a list of my own. Every time Sue comes into my office, I feel X, Y, Z elements. And it comes off and it comes off and it, and then I see Sue coming around the corner and I'm like, oh gosh, there's Sue. Oh no, there's Sue again. Oh my gosh. Every time my son asks for the popsicle, why didn't he just understand about the, see what I'm saying? So first seek to understand, then seek to be understood. So I'll just quick recap is, the quick recap on that is, number one, I wonder what would have me such that I can come from curiosity to understand this person or this situation, task at hand, and then have space with it.

Candice:

[22:18] Got it. Sue reminded me, now that I've had 24 hours away from Sue, it reminded me of when I was 5 through 25, how nothing ever pleased my mother.

David:

[22:34] Hmm.

Candice:

[22:37] Got it. And Sue consistently feels not pleased. And while I know there's nothing I can do to change that, I know I can do my best to make the situation better by understanding and hearing her and repeating it back that she feels heard. And I know that that pain that she's experiencing, it's not about me. And I'm not 5 or 25 anymore.

David:

[23:05] And that's what you're talking about when you say you're healing that pain inside of you allows you to be neutral when you talk to people yes yes very good i wish i could push a button and get all that myself i i don't i don't feel like i'm that close but um i am who i am and i try but um you you've said a lot of great things today um if you can summarize it all into one thing i like one things kind of thing but uh what is what is one challenge or inspirational thought you that my audience could take away today and take action on in relation to this emotional intelligence i

Candice:

[23:53] I know i already said it i'm just gonna say it again first seek to understand then seek to be understood. What if you cared more about understanding so that then everybody could be understood? The woundedness, the situation, and the result. First seek to understand, then seek to be understood.

David:

[24:17] Very good. And that reminds me of what Jesus said, where he's treat others the way you want them to treat you. And that's also very true. And it aligns so great with that. Well, Candice, thank you so much for your time, for encouragement today. I love it. Again, I wish I could learn more. Your next steps to be doers and not just hearers is check out the show notes. We're going to put some links in there and some sites about how to contact and learn more about Candice and the work that she does and get to know her and all the emotional intelligence she has to offer. Sign up for the newsletter because that's a great way to communicate and not miss out on future episodes. And book a call with me to get unstuck and move forward in your business. If you are a perfectionist like me and are stuck because you're wanting everything to be perfect, it doesn't need to be that way. So friends, that's all for now. Trust you've been inspired to redeem your business, redeem your time, buy it back, and walk worthy of God's great name. Bye for now.