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Squirrel. Squirrel. By the end of this episode, you're gonna know how to stop

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overthinking on demand. Hi, I'm Katie McManus,

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business strategist and money mindset coach. And welcome to the Weenie cast

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Squirrel in a session with a client yesterday, we were

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talking about how she's kind of stopped worrying about the future and

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how she's assessed her money, and she's doing pretty well, and

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she's pretty happy with the track that her business is on and things in

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her life are looking great. And even though there's still a lot of

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unknowns, she's not concerned with how

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things are going to go down. And we talked about how.

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Isn't it funny that everything has always

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worked out for the better up until

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now? And it did not matter how much

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worrying and stressing and overthinking you

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did in the past, none of it actually helped things work

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out for the better. It just made you miserable while things

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were working out. I come from a very proud, long line of

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overthinkers. For Christmas last year, my dad actually bought me a t

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shirt that said, hold on while I overthink this. The

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McManus line has an

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uncanny ability to talk for

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hours on end on the most simple,

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tiny. Oh, no. Did I say that thing? Was

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it perceived? Weirdly. What do they think of me?

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And of course, like, overthinking happens in your life, right? Especially if you have

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ADHD. And we'll talk about where that comes from.

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During the pandemic, I reached out to this boy that I went to fifth grade

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with because ever since fifth grade, when I didn't

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invite him to my birthday party, because for whatever reason, I was kind

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of a jerk. Back then, I was in fifth grade. I think most of us

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are jerks. Back then, fifth grade, me was an idiot. It didn't matter

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why I didn't like him. But ever since that

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day, I have literally carried the guilt of not inviting

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him to my birthday party. And so I think it was in, like,

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2021, I was on Facebook and I saw his name pop

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up in a people that you may know, and I was like, oh, my God,

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this is the moment I have to apologize. And so I

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friended him, I sent him a message, and I said, hey, michael,

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I don't know if you remember me. We went to fifth grade together at this

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school in California. And I owe you an apology.

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I have carried around this guilt since fifth grade, and I'm so sorry

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I didn't invite you to my birthday party. He had no idea what the I

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was talking about, he remembered me. He had no recollection that I

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ever even had a birthday. And we had this very funny little

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exchange, but he was like, have you been thinking about this ever since

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fifth grade? To which my answer was like, yeah, I

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have. Absolutely. Which I'm sure he thought a little

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crazy, but, you know, we left it on a good note, and we're still

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connected on Facebook. We never rekindled the friendship, but, you

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know, we were never friends to begin with, so there we go. God, now I'm

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gonna start overthinking that. But there's overthinking that happens in your life over

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that thing you said at dinner or you were upset that one

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day and did people think that you were mad at them and I overthinking

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what other people say to you. Oh, my God. Like, your boss said

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something in a weird tone, are you about to get fired? As

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a business owner? When you get a text from a client who's freaking out

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about something, it's so easy to start spiraling, thinking, oh, my God, they're about to

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fire me. Especially if you're a coach or you're a lawyer or you're a

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copywriter, know that you are your client's

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peer. You're probably one of the few people your client can

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turn to to freak out about stuff, right? They can't go to their spouse and

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be like, oh, my God, I think I'm running out of money. Their spouse is

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going to freak out then. And then they're going to have, like, a very stressful

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home environment. But you know who they can freak out to is you.

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And meanwhile, you're going to start overthinking. Oh, my God, they're never going to be

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able to pay me. They're going to have to stop working with me. Oh, God,

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I'm going to have to find another client. And here's the thing about overthinking, is

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that it doesn't help. It doesn't help a

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situation get better. It makes you feel guilty enough decades later that you

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apologize for doing something, sure. But every time I've gone

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back and apologize for something that I did decades ago, the person I

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apologize to has no recollection of it, has no memory

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of the instance that I spent years

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consumed with freaking out about your clients. When they

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send you something that you perceive as, oh, my God, they're gonna stop working with

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me. Does that help you serve them when they get on the phone with you

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and they need to talk about their own problems and the

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support that they need. Are you actually listening to them for their

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sake, or are you listening to them for your sake because you're worried you're gonna

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lose the business? There are a lot of

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theories about overthinking in the psychological space, which I am

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not trained in psychology. I'm not a therapist. I'm just

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talking about this based off what I've learned on TikTok and from reading articles and

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from talking to my own therapist. But overthinking in psychological

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terms is generally referred to as rumination and worrying. Right.

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When you ruminate, worry about something. You're just consumed with the

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negative thought around it. It's like this endless

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loop in your mind, and it can get really obsessive. It's like it's

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the only thing that you can think about.

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Your mind cannot move forward from it.

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Your mind cannot focus on anything else. And, of course,

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like, you can ruminate and obsessed and stress over

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really serious things. I know I got really sucked into

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this when I had my own personal financial crisis. When I

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first started my business, I was $50,000 in debt. I had

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no money to my name. I just signed up for a $20,000 program.

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And this business that I had just started wasn't going great

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because I had just started, like, businesses don't go great when you

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first start. And we have this weird expectation that, like, we start and then we

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should be making hundreds of thousands of dollars. That's not how that goes.

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Right? It wasn't until I was able to stop

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ruminating, until I was able to stop overthinking it, that I was

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able to get to work and actually make my business successful. When we

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overthink things in our business, we

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actually prevent success from happening. And how this

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shows up is like, have you ever created an offer? And maybe. Maybe

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you haven't yet? Maybe you're listening to this, and I say this, and you're like,

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oh, God. Like, there's. I have so many ideas, I'm not sure which one's going

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to be right. So I'm just, like, trying to figure out which one's going to

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be right in my own head, and I'm obsessing over it. Honey,

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that's overthinking, and that's not helping you get clients. That's not

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helping you make money. That's not helping you start your business. You

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know, it could be your marketing. I can't tell you how many of my clients

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and they start with me. They're not posting to social media. They're not sending

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emails. And when they do. They spend days

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agonizing over where a comma should go, what word they

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should use. They run it up the flagpole to

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their spouse, their best friends, anyone that they can ask who has good

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grammar to make sure that their post is absolutely perfect. And

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what ultimately happens is they end up posting like once every month, which

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is not enough to gain any traction, to gain any

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visibility, or to build trust with your audience so that they are convinced

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that you're the person that they should hire.

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People also, really overthink their pricing. The

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classic overthinking fallacy when it comes to your pricing

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is, oh my gosh, I'm new and no one's going to trust me because I'm

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new and I haven't done this as a paid service before.

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Mind you, you've been a professional for how many years at this point?

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So instead of, instead of charging real money for my services, okay,

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well, here's my plan. Here's my strategies. I'm going to give my

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services away for either really, really cheap or free. And then

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the clients that I get, they're going to be so impressed by my work and

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they're going to get such great results from my free work, my cheap work, that

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they're going to go and write these glorious testimonials, and then I'm going to have

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these testimonials, and then I'll be able to raise my prices by like a.

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Then I'll just inch it up every time I get a better testimonial and then

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eventually I'll make money. That's exhausting.

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That's exhausting. Also, honey, it doesn't work that way. The clients that

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you get for free or cheap will nothing value the work that

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you do. And because they won't value the work that you do, they will not

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see results from the work that you do. Which means there's no testimonial

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that'll come, just it's not happening. And the

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endless worry about how things are going to work out. The

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endless, the endless loop of oh my God, this isn't

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working. And this isn't working. And this isn't working. That's not helping

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you either. Because instead of looking up and out into the

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world to see all the opportunities in front of you, and instead of

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tapping into your creativity to see how you can grab hold of those

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opportunities and make them worth something to you, you're

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obsessing over things not happening the way you thought they would happen.

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Which, here's a little news flash, things will never happen

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the way you think they'll happen? The universe has

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a wicked sense of humor. And I always like to remind people of this,

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like, how did you meet your best friend? How did you meet your

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spouse? How did you get your favorite job you ever had?

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And before those things happened, before you met those people or you

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got that job, did you know exactly how it would happen?

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I bet not. I bet you couldn't have

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planned for how you met your best friend.

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Personally, how I met my best friend was I broke up with a

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boyfriend who paid for where we lived, and I wasn't making a whole

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lot of money. So the very expensive gym that I used to pay for a

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membership for, I had to start working at because I didn't want to give up

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my membership. But I also couldn't afford to pay the monthly

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fee. And she was on the sales team there, and we really didn't talk much

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when I first got my job there because I was working at the front desk

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like two days a week and they weren't days that she normally worked. But

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at one point, the regional sales manager came up to me and was asking

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me about the other jobs that I had because I had a lot at the

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time. And he. I heard that I did sales for a video

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production company. He's like, oh, my God, we're opening up a new club. I'd love

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to have you on the sales team there. Do you want to apply? And I

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kind of said, oh, you know, I'll think about it. And then Jess

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walks around the corner after he leaves and asks, like, how my day

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is going. And I said, oh, well, Ray just told me I should apply to

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work at the new club that they're opening on the sales team. And she's like,

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oh, my God, you totally should. And I'm like, really? Like, I don't

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know if I want to sell gym memberships. And then she's like, do you know

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how much money you're going to make? And she legit walked back to her office,

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printed up what the commissions were for the people who were at the most

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successful clubs, and told me how much money I could make selling gym

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memberships. And we ended up being colleagues. And we didn't

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become best friends until about a year and a half later after working

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together for a really long time. But I couldn't have planned on

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that. I really couldn't have. I couldn't have planned that there would be

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someone who worked at that club that would just

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become my best friend. We've been best friends for almost

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a decade now. I'm not married yet, so I can't tell a cute story about

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meeting my spouse. But I bet you have one. I bet

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you have a cute story about how you met either your spouse or your long

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term partner. And, I mean, you've

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heard how I've gotten jobs in the past. I could not have

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planned on any of them. But here's the crazy thing, is that we still

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try to obsess around how things will happen in the future.

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It's like we think, okay, well, if I make a plan and do the

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plan, and everything goes perfectly to the plan, everything should

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happen the way I want it to. How's that ever gone for you? I can

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tell you that's never worked out for me ever in my life. So

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worrying and stressing and ruminating and

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overthinking everything actually does not help you. It hurts

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you. And here's my

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theory on why we do this, especially as people with

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ADHD. Most ADHD people that I know

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are extremely sensitive individuals, and we have

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to be. We walk into a room and we can

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immediately read the whole vibe. We know who's

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mad at who. We know who's having a good time. We know

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who's safe to speak to and who we want to stay away from.

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And we know this within seconds of looking

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around. When we have conversations with people,

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we know exactly which version of ourselves we should be to get

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a good response from them. We've been masking our whole

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lives, and we learned this very early on because

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if we didn't mask, that's when we got in trouble. If we're sitting in

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class and we don't have our interesting face mask

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on, the teacher would get mad at us. If

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everyone around us was laughing or happy and we weren't,

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we would still have our happy, laughing face on.

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And when we were really, really upset, we

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learned that that wasn't always appropriate. We had to hide

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it. We have spent a lifetime gaslighting ourselves

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out of our own emotions. We've also spent a lifetime having all these

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emotions that either were ours or that we were picking up from the people around

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us and then being told that's not appropriate.

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Calm down, don't get upset. And what ultimately

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happens is that we learn to ignore

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as best we can the actual emotions and feelings

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that come up in our body. And because we learn this from the outside world,

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we think that we can think through it, that we can logic ourselves

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out of feeling certain ways. This is honestly one of the reasons

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why a lot of people with ADHD struggle to find the right

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therapist for themselves. Because we have

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such an innate talent for

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intellectually processing our emotions,

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we can make sense of how we feel certain ways. We can

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come up with storylines. We can talk about causation

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and how other people impacted us and why it

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makes sense that we feel a certain way, and yet we still

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struggle to move past those emotions. You know, a lot of therapists will

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just lap that up. Oh, cool. This person is really self aware.

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Meanwhile, we're there on the other side, just continually

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obsessing about whatever the situation has been. And the reason we

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cannot get out overthinking is because

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we never actually learned how to process our emotions. We

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never actually learned how to let them move through

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us. In coach training, one of the things that we

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learned is that, like, in the western world, people get

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very scared when we talk about emotion. They think, okay, emotions go to

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therapy. Right? Emotions bad, like, go to therapy, get them

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fixed. And while, yes, like, there are absolutely

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some emotions that, like, especially if it's related to trauma or

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depression or really serious anxiety, you should have some medical help for.

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Just the fact that you have emotions is not a bad thing.

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It doesn't make you less than, it doesn't make you weak.

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It doesn't make you broken. One of the best definitions of

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emotions that I have ever heard is that it's really energy in

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motion, right? Think about when you're angry. Where do you feel that energy

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in your body? For me, it's like. It's like this heat in my chest, and

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it goes up towards my shoulders, and then it goes up my neck, and it's

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like, if you look at me, it's like neck down is just, like, flushed red.

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Physically, like, my body literally has a reaction to being

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angry. And yet, do I ever let my body process

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that out? I mean, I didn't used to. I do

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now. It used to be that I'd have to think about, well, why am I

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justified in being angry? Why am I justified in being pissed off at

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this person or at this situation, and why is it wrong? And blah, blah,

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blah, blah? And none of that ever helped me move past it. It

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just helped me latch onto something that I would just completely overthink and

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talk about ad nauseam forever. I'm sorry to all

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of my friends and family who had to listen to me back then. I didn't

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know any better. So here's the choice you have in this

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moment. You can continue down this road of being an overthinker,

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of ruminating, of being a constant worrier about the future.

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That is absolutely an option for you. Or you can learn

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with me. I'm about to tell you how to move past

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that. If you're good being an overthinker, then the

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podcast is over. Now go continue your life. Enjoy

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overthinking, enjoy your ruminating, really give your

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worrying, your all have a good life. If you really want to

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learn a new skill and you want to stop overthinking and stop worrying

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about the future and actually start living, then

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here's the really simple exercise that I practice and that I have my clients

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go through. Oh, what am I going to say next? Well, you'll have to keep

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listening to find out. But first, squirrel, squirrel, squirrel,

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squirrel.

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If you really want to learn a new skill and you want to stop

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overthinking and stop worrying about the future and actually start living,

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then here's the really simple exercise that I practice and that I

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have my clients go through to get out of their

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heads and back into their body so that they can take action and

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actually build businesses that they're really proud of. And this practice

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is really simple. So when you're overthinking, you know that

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the energy is all in your head. You know, it's like you have a ping

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pong ball that's just bouncing around inside your skull, activating different parts of your

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brain. And of course that internal narration that happens, that the voice

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that just goes on and on and on and on about all the things that

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are going on, just notice what it's saying.

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Just notice all the what if scenarios that it's coming up

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with. Just notice all the negative comments it has

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about you in the past or you right now and how it's never going

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to be good enough and so on and so forth. Now, that

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ping pong ball that's bouncing around your skull,

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activating these different parts, I want you to imagine

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that you're slowing it down, you're just bringing it to

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kind of like slow motion ping ponging. And I

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want you to slowly draw it down through your head, down

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your neck, and bring it down into your body, into your

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heart space. Now, this ball is your consciousness.

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This ball is actually where you do your thinking and you get

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to control where that thinking happens in your body. Now,

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something that they've discovered over the last several decades is that,

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yes, we have neurons in our brains. We can do thinking in our brains. We

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all know this, we do a lot of thinking in our brains, but we also

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have neurons that do thinking and store memories in our heart

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tissue and throughout our digestive tracts. This is one of

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the reasons why when you're sick and you have a stomach

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upset, your short term memory is bad because

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literally a part of your physical brain that's not just

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in your head is offline. It's working on

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recovering. So you've brought that ping pong ball into your

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chest, face, and whatever it is that you're concerned about,

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you're going to ask your heart, you're going to ask your body,

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what do I actually know about this situation? Now, here's

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where you're either going to get an answer or you're going to notice there is

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an emotion coming up that will not let you have an answer

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yet. So when we're getting information from our heart

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space and from our gut, we have to remember first and foremost that there's no

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language center. Right? Our brains have a language center. Our heart and our gut

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do not. So oftentimes these messages will come

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up visually, they can come up almost in a smell. They can come up

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in just a sense or a sensation and just trust

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yourself that you will understand what it means.

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Now, if you're getting an answer, beautiful. If you're not getting an

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answer and you just feel like, tight or like you're going to

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vomit or there's something else happening in your body,

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like when I get angry, I have that heat through my neck, down into my

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chest. This is a sign that you have energy that you're

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not letting move through your body. This is an emotion that you're actually

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not giving yourself permission to feel through. And what

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we need to do in this moment is very simple. Just focus on that

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feeling. There's this practice that I got really annoyed with when I

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was a kid where, like, if you stub your toe, like, you know how, like,

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it really, really hurts and you're mad and you're swearing, you're saying all these bad

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words, and you're like, kicking the chair that stubbed your toe and then you're hurting

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your foot again. Like, sure, that can make you feel a little better, but

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a trick to actually make the pain pass faster is to

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simply focus in on that pain and feel it to the

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fullest extent you can. And it's really painful.

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It really is. Like, when you are in pain and you really focus

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in on experiencing that pain fully, it's

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agonizing, but it does go faster. You don't

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have to focus in on the pain of your stubbed toe and be like, go

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away pain. Like, I'm numbing you. That doesn't work.

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It doesn't work. It just makes the pain last longer. So I need to

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imagine there's an emotion that's coming up. There's a sensation in

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your body and set. Your stomach feels very tight and grippy,

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and all you're gonna do is you're going to feel into what that feels

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like. You're going to notice, like, if it feels tight, like, does it feel like

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I'm wearing a cordental? Does it feel like someone's, like, jammed their hand through

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your stomach and they're holding on to your intestines with their fist?

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Is there a temperature to it? Is it hot? Is it cold? Does it feel

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like a snake got in there and is wrapped around you? And as you

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focus in on the physical sensation, notice what emotions come

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up. Is it fear? Is it frustration?

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Oftentimes, these physical sensations are really trying to tell us something.

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It's like an alarm system that it just has very poor

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communication style. Is the fear trying to tell you,

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remember that we failed that one time, and it didn't feel good?

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Is your subconscious trying to tell you, oh, my God, like, I really don't want

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to fail again? Or is it trying to tell you that you don't want to

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look stupid? Or is it trying to tell you, actually, this does not matter.

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We don't want to worry about this. We want to worry about something else. We

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want to go do something else. This is not the right fit for us. And

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once you get that message, receive it, understand what your body's trying

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to tell you, and then again, refocus back into the physical sensation

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in your gut. What's there now? You're not trying to

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make it do anything. You're just noticing. And again, we want

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to ask, what's the emotion that's coming up from this feeling?

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And you want to go back and forth on this until you get to a

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point where you're able to ask, cool, what do I know about the situation? And

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you actually get an answer. When I work with clients one on one,

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my clients get unlimited on demand support with me,

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meaning. And I have it in three tiers. 311 is, hey, I have

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00:23:14,746 --> 00:23:17,346
a cool idea. I just want to brainstorm it. Can we chat for a few

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minutes? Six one one is, I have a time sensitive

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question. I have a proposal that I want to send out to this big corporation.

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It needs to go out tomorrow. Can we hop on in the next 12

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hours and look over my proposal? Or can you answer a couple questions for

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me? My favorite. My absolute favorite

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on demand call is the 911. It's. I'm freaking the f

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out. I don't know what to do. I'm crying. I'm hiding in a bathroom

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stall. Things aren't going well. I need to talk to someone.

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And I can tell you the clients who use 911

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calls the most in the beginning of our work together

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are the ones who become successful the fastest. Because

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instead of getting in their own heads and overthinking everything and

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ruminating and worrying about and thinking, I have to figure this out on my own,

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and I have to logic myself out of feeling this way. They're brave enough

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to get on the phone with me and just barf it all out. Here's how

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I feel. Here's all the shame and fear and anger and frustration that

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00:24:15,734 --> 00:24:19,490
I have, blah, blah, blah. And while we're on the call,

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00:24:19,630 --> 00:24:22,986
I talk them through some kind of exercise like this, and I help them process

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this emotion. Now, these emotions will come up forever.

404
00:24:26,802 --> 00:24:30,098
We're not getting rid of them. It's not like you're going to get really good

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00:24:30,114 --> 00:24:33,882
at processing emotions so that you never feel them again. Sorry. Actually, the more

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00:24:33,906 --> 00:24:37,386
you feel them, the more they come, because, like, they realize that they're safe with

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you. So the goal is never to get rid of them completely. The goal

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is to process through the ones that hold you back

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faster. And this is really hard to do on your

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own because you don't have an alarm

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system that tells you, oh, remember, like, when you feel this

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way, go and do this exercise. So my clients who, when they

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feel this way, they think, oh, call for help, call your coach,

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get past this. They learn really quickly. Oh,

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okay, cool, here's how I'm feeling. This is not good. I need to move past

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it. And in the beginning, they'll call me a ton, and I love it.

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I can talk them off the ledge. They feel so much better afterwards.

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They process through the emotion, and after a little bit of time,

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when they have that instinct to call me for help, they realize, hold on,

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I know what to do now. I can process this. This isn't that

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00:25:29,148 --> 00:25:32,532
scary. When you train yourself to do this

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00:25:32,716 --> 00:25:36,316
through having help, you're not only allowing yourself

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to do the work to become massively successful,

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you're actually doing a lot of work to heal some self

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00:25:43,716 --> 00:25:47,508
inflicted and society inflicted trauma that a lot of us with

426
00:25:47,564 --> 00:25:51,236
ADHD suffer from. Because so many of

427
00:25:51,268 --> 00:25:54,972
us, especially millennials and older, were told that our emotions were

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wrong, that we were upset for the wrong reasons, that we shouldn't get

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this upset. Everyone else is fine. Why are you being a problem?

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And when you give your adult self permission to feel all those things and just

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process through it and to not shame yourself for being there and to

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00:26:09,824 --> 00:26:13,656
tell yourself it is okay. This is telling you something. This is part of

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00:26:13,688 --> 00:26:17,408
your alert system. We're gonna give it the microphone for a

434
00:26:17,424 --> 00:26:20,848
little bit and everything will be fine. You actually open

435
00:26:20,984 --> 00:26:24,736
so many doors for yourself out there in the world and you get to walk

436
00:26:24,768 --> 00:26:28,400
through them without being a completely overthinking basket

437
00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:32,248
case. Squirrel. Squirrel. If you're ready to stop being a weenie and actually

438
00:26:32,304 --> 00:26:36,016
run a business that makes money, then go ahead and book a generate

439
00:26:36,088 --> 00:26:38,920
income strategy call with me by going to

440
00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:42,616
weeniecast.com strategycall.

441
00:26:42,728 --> 00:26:46,328
On this call, we will talk about your goals, your dreams,

442
00:26:46,464 --> 00:26:50,200
and your frustrations in getting there. And if it's a fit

443
00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:53,460
for both of us, then we can talk about different ways to work together.

444
00:26:56,880 --> 00:27:00,464
This is Ben from Facebook. I didn't get an invite to the birthday party

445
00:27:00,512 --> 00:27:03,680
either. It's okay. I forgive you.

446
00:27:05,020 --> 00:27:07,420
Squirrel. Squirrel. Squirrel. Squirrel.