This is a global player original podcast.

Be warned, it's Luanna and this podcast contains honest upfront opinions.

Our friends ran spance general explicit content and it gets more explicit every week.

But you know you love it.

Good morning and top of the morning everyone.

Top of the morning, Jeff.

Happy Monday.

Is it?

Yes, it is.

Sunday, Monday, Happy Days.

Tuesday, Wednesday, Happy Days Saturday, Happy Days Saturday.

What a day.

Moon and big with you.

These days are out.

It's Happy Days.

Oh, happy Days.

Oh, she's getting ready to go.

We're really.

I never watched that show.

Oh, that was a belter.

Cool cup.

Never watched it.

Listen, this week is a big week for Luanna.

Massive week.

We have got our big Galentine's nights in this Thursday.

If you haven't got a ticket, get one now.

Head to everythingluana.com or Luanna Live.

Buy a ticket, the cost of a cup of coffee and you can tune in and be with fellow Luan Luan.

Wow, I'm really on fire today.

You can be with fellow no from all over Z world and it's interactive so you can really get involved.

Should we give them a little.

I'll give them.

Should we give them a little teaser what they're going to expect tonight?

Tonight on Thursday night circumstances.

So IMs.

I think there might be a little appearance from you this time, isn't there?

Maybe.

Maybe.

Oh, she's actually bothering to come.

There's.

There's going to be some fun and games.

We've got.

We give a little teaser.

We're going to be playing a game of not family fortunes but friendly fortunes.

Do I need to revise for anything?

No, but you know, I have bought.

Cuz I am quite competitive.

I have bought some.

It's been really good.

I've been on this.

So you know the buzzers, we needed buzzers for each tick.

We're gonna have teams.

Team Lou, Team Anna.

Right.

And you know we might have social media manager Beck popping along as well.

We've got IMs, obviously might be at a rope in whoever staff you've got hanging around.

Okay.

Or not.

But I've bought the.

The record your own sound buzzer thing.

So we were thinking maybe we could even record farts like if we have a good fart or a good catchphrase or whatever it may be.

So I've bought the record your own buzzers.

Okay.

I've also bought a backup on Teemu which was a Family Fortunes one live in time.

You never know a timu.

Well, exactly.

That's why I went down A more legit route.

Teemu is legit, by the way.

Just take forever.

It's gonna be.

It's gonna be fun.

And also, don't forget guys, shout outs.

Get them in.

Luanaverthingluana.com is our email address.

PR it with Galentine's big eye in Pricey.

She means put in the subject.

Head in.

Yes.

Night in.

Yeah, any, any, any funny stories you've got.

We want to hear your friendship stories.

Maybe you've fallen out with your friend, you're back in.

Maybe a really funny, petty poly with a friend.

Just.

We want to celebrate friendship on Thursday night.

Get your tickets now.

Luana live everything.

So any like Luana stories of friendship where we have brought people together because we know that people have met on our tours.

We also know that some of you in local areas have your own chats and meetups.

I saw a Jackie P.

Meetup.

I was quite, quite an admiration of that.

So, yeah, let us know if we have brought you together.

We would absolutely love that.

Right, I have got.

Yes.

A story to tell you.

Oh, you've been teasing this for like two or three weeks now.

But there's even more to add to the story that you know that I don't know.

So give, give us.

This is about when we went to Dubai back in Dubes, where I got anxiety of my life.

Lou had a situation with a massage and she was telling up me and some of the girls at lunch about it and she was trying to get us to go and have it.

Lou just like, go on.

Right.

So I had a like physio massage from this guy.

He was a Colombian.

You looked a bit disturbed when you.

You were like, girls, I had a massage.

I'm like, is this okay?

Well, he was like meant to be a physio and blah, blah.

Anyway, so I have this massage, sports massage.

And it was a bit weird.

He like, like.

Because straight away I went to my.

Have you ever had a yoni massage?

Years ago.

Yeah.

It's describe what he was like.

Like really getting so close to me when.

So like first of all did my back.

So I'm laying on my front and he kept going and breathe.

And I thought, oh, maybe he's just trying to get naked.

Weren't you?

No, I had a thong on, but they were quite baggy.

My thong was baggy.

Okay, this is so gappy point to note.

Gappy baggy.

So nun was sort of flapping around a bit.

Well, it wasn't until the thong got moved.

So basically he's like.

And it was a bit weird.

His eyeballs are falling out.

Maybe he's trying to like get me to relax because I can be quite an uptight person.

So like, even when I have a massage where I am an uptight person, I don't fully relax.

Like, you can feel that my body's tense.

And so he kept going to breathe, breathe.

And he obviously fancied himself a bit, you know, Colombian.

He had like sort of shoulder length hair.

I think he thought it was a bit of a.

Yeah.

So anyway, I'm like, right, okay, turns me over.

So I'm now on my back and he's sort of like massaging like my arms and my pecs a bit.

And I thought, what is that touching my.

My head.

So your eyes are closed?

Yeah, my eyes closed.

It's got like a thing over my eyes.

Oh yeah.

I'm feeling something touching my head and.

Well, it was his necklace.

That's how close he was.

I can't say it was his knob.

No, it was his necklace.

It was so close to whack in the head with his penile necklace was.

Tapping me and I thought, oh, that's weird.

Anyway, no, my eyes were closed.

I didn't have them covered.

So I opened my eyes and then his face was right there and I thought, well, this is close.

No, he was like, close.

I opened my eyes.

Like, if you went, could you kiss him?

He's that.

It was so close.

And he kept going.

Breathe, you need to relax.

Breathe.

Anyway, then he starts doing my legs and I do have very tight hip flexors from horse riding.

Yeah.

And I always get massages with a guy called Joe Shout Out Silver Sports Therapy.

He's amazing.

He's in North London, but he does travel to me here in Essex.

Can you travel to me please, Joe?

Yeah, he probably will.

I'm only 20 minutes down the road.

And yeah, you're closer to him and like you do have to really get into the hip flexors, which is where like the groin meets the bit.

Yeah, the crease.

The crease between and thigh.

Anyway, he was like getting in so much where I had Baggy's knickers on.

The flap came out, didn't it?

Did he slip and then he like kept brushing over the fat.

I was like, oh, no.

Did his thumbs.

So obviously no, it didn't slip in.

Anna, she wants it to.

No, I don't want it to have slipped in.

And I felt really awkward.

I'm just trying to establish you every time.

He kept going and relaxing.

Breathe.

Anyway, I thought, oh, this is a bit weird.

So I was uncomfortable.

Anyway.

Anyway, the next thing, he gets this scarf and he wraps.

He wraps this scarf around my neck.

And I made a joke and I went, oh, I hope this isn't some kind of snuff movie.

You've got to stop saying things out loud.

You did this in your smear test.

He didn't get my joke.

He just said nothing because he was Colombian.

That was a bit of a language.

Brian wraps his scarf around my neck and, like, starts cracking my neck, like, pulling this scarf, like.

It was so weird.

Anyway, I did have a bit of a sore neck and I thought, that's quite good, actually.

I feel good now.

So maybe he is legit and he's not like a weird perv because it might just be his style, you know?

And he actually has done good things to my neck.

Question.

Was his massage, like, at the hotel?

A bona fide place in the clinic.

Was in, like, the clinic.

I sent Alex tea.

All right.

It was there.

Well, he liked that.

Yeah.

But he had a stretch session.

Yeah, he thought it was great.

But anyway, so I thought, oh, he is actually good, this guy.

And obviously I'm just being a bit uptight because I can be a little bit uptight.

Girls and guys listening and.

You're so inclusive, Lou.

Right.

So anyway, then obviously I'm naked except for my baggy pants.

He says, I'll just sit on the edge of the bed.

And he.

I don't know what he did.

Like, something to my back.

I'll put your hands.

That's it.

So sit on the edge of your bed, link your hands and put them behind your head.

So if you imagine that a typical.

I do that in a Thai massage.

Yeah.

And they come behind you and they.

Yeah.

Pull you back.

But I said, tim, well, the towel's gonna fall down.

Oh, yeah, well, that does happen, but I tend to have more than.

Yeah, they.

Yeah, when you.

They put.

When you have a tie one, they wrap almost like a sarong around.

They do.

But sometimes it can flap down like.

Well, I said, tim, but my towel's gonna fall down.

He said, doesn't matter.

Oh.

So anyway, that's not.

Okay.

I'm now topless on the edge of this bed.

He is sitting behind me, legs spread behind me, with his legs around me.

It's like handmaid's tail, like your birthday.

Like, hugging me in this weird place.

I felt very uncomfortable.

And then I was like, okay, maybe that is just normal.

Like, they do do that in the time.

Yeah.

Anyway, so now he Says, oh, need you to stand up.

He said, and when I say, you put your arms around my shoulders.

So I'm like, hugging him, basically, now naked.

And he says, well, no, because I've still got the towel on.

And he says, you put your arms around the shoulders and look into my eyes.

And you need to relax.

Just relax.

Look into my eyes.

And I went, to be honest, I can't really look into your eyes.

I have got mild autism.

No, that's okay.

I've got my older autism.

It's very hard to relax and to look into.

You don't like eye contact.

I felt very awkward.

The whole thing was very awkward.

And then I thought, well, maybe I am.

I know that I can be an awkward person, so maybe it's not being awkward.

And he was like, you know, you need to relax.

And when I say relax, you just fall like a rag doll into my arms.

And I was like, okay.

And I went, but my towel's gonna drop again.

He went, doesn't matter.

So anyway, I did it, didn't I?

So I'm like that.

And he goes, and relax.

He was, like, hugging me, like, making these weird bear sounds.

I was freaked out.

Anyway, the massage ended and I was like, yeah, it was great.

Thanks.

Bye.

Felt under pressure to book another one, didn't I?

So I booked another one.

I thought, well, I'll just cancel it.

Anyway, then came back to England, like five days later.

But also in.

In that she'd.

So I didn't know about the extent of that, but Lou was then asking us girls.

She was.

I would have had it if I'd had time.

And remember, if I wasn't dying in.

My room to tell me.

Yeah, exactly.

If this was normal or not normal.

Or if he was being a pervasive.

Because I couldn't.

Right, right.

It was very weird.

The whole head, the whole relaxing.

You know, the necklace on my face where he was so close I could smell his breath.

The scarf thing.

Yeah.

Anyway, it's a bit too much.

Get back to England, and I get a WhatsApp message from the clinic.

And they're like, oh, Coach.

They call everyone, Coach.

Coach has asked us to send you his number if you wanted to talk to him about anything.

Oh, God, though, that's weird.

That's weird, isn't it?

Anyway, of course I didn't reply.

I'm now not going back there.

You can't do that.

And anyway, then.

So that happened, and I thought, I'm not responding to that.

And then two days ago, I looked and I'm reading like the Daily Fail or something.

And some person, chiropractor, broke a woman's neck.

33 years old.

What?

Yeah, by doing the clicky neck thing.

Broke her neck.

She died.

Mum of two kids, she had a neck injury from the gym.

She went clicked her neck, broke her neck.

How bad is that?

So I basically could have got perved on and my neck broken.

I mean, what I would say, Lou, is if it feels wrong, then it is wrong.

To be explicit, this place where the woman died wasn't the same clinic, was it?

It wasn't the same clinic.

This woman died in England.

But I'm just saying I could have died because.

Was he even qualified?

Oh, it's gone.

He went to me, please leave a TripAdvisor review, but don't mention the clicking because you have to be, what, like, reg regulated.

Registered.

Regulated in Dubai.

He was like, so if you leave a TripAdvisor or Google review, don't mention the clicking.

Okay?

I'm telling you now, this stinks to high heaven.

This is.

This is flaggy.

As flaggy as fook.

I don't know, was it normal?

Wasn't it normal?

Am I just an uptight, awkward, autistic person?

Oh, bless you.

No, but this goes back.

Do you remember ages ago when I, like, confessed to you girls and obviously all you Lefanians about the massage I'd had at 19?

And then he said to me, next time, talking about my hip flexors.

He was like, they're really tight.

Next time we go more in.

More in more.

No, I'm not all right with that.

So there you go.

I mean, some.

Do you know what here?

I know what we need to do.

We would love to go.

We would know any qualified masseuses who are listening to this who can sort of shed some light on what Lou is saying and if in any way this is a proper practice.

Yeah, that Lou just.

It was just perhaps a bit much for Lou.

But I just think.

But you remember when I said about when I was 19, I have genuinely carried it all that time until I like, confessed to you girls because I had a similar massage in England, but.

And I've just.

I've never been sure again whether that was the massage and I was a bit of a prude or if it was, or if it was inappropriate because, like, I didn't get touched.

But I remember feeling really turned on.

About a friend and he was saying to me that sometimes during massages that energy exchange can create that.

Yeah, that's what the guy said to me.

But you do pick up on people's energy.

So, like.

Like, my energy wouldn't have been like that.

No.

And he was like.

And then he said to me, maybe he was just really trying to, like, get you to relax because he can feel that you're uptight.

So he was trying to really get you to go into that zone.

He said, but if you weren't, like, you weren't.

But he said that some massages can be quite sensual, but non.

Not like you're not getting touched anywhere inappropriate.

But it's the energy exchange.

Exactly.

It could be.

I mean, but then I would say as a masseuse, he's clearly.

If he, you know, if he's picked up on.

You're not okay with this.

Well, so then he kept telling me to relax, relax, look into my eyes.

That was the weird bit.

And I went, I feel quite awkward about looking into your eyes.

I was like, look anywhere but his eyes.

But then I.

But then I was like, thanks.

It was amazing.

Bye.

Yeah, we all do that up with a haircut.

You had a terrible haircut.

And you tip them.

But I'm like, I go to my.

My Thai massage place a lot and when I'm used to them and it's ladies that do it.

I like a male masseuse, but they always do.

Yeah.

If I.

The bit where you sit behind.

They sit behind you and, you know, hands behind.

And often my towel does.

Does flop down.

But I'm sort of okay with everything at that point.

Everything's flopping and I still sort of really don't mind.

But.

Yeah.

Well, I don't know.

What do you think?

Him.

I feel like everyone has had a massive.

Where they're like, was that normal or was that me being taken advantage of?

Yeah.

Because it's such like an intimate environment.

I never felt like that before in a massage.

No.

And I've only ever had one like that one back in our night when I was like, was that like.

That was weird.

That wasn't like.

Yeah, I just felt really confused.

Yeah.

Especially when you're like, in a different.

Because you're like, is that their culture?

Is that their custom?

Well, because he was Colombian, yes.

I did think maybe that is how they do it in Colombia, but also in Europe.

Like, I remember when I first, like, started going skiing and stuff in France, like years and years ago, and having a massage like there, like, it was just no one wore pants or bra.

That was such a British thing to like, wear your underwear in a massage.

Like, just get butt naked and off.

You go, but it's like in those German saunas.

Yeah, well, Norway, you know, all the family, you know, Swedish or get themselves in butt naked.

So as you say, as you say, there's always a confusion over.

Is that just a cultural thing?

Exactly.

Or not?

Well, maybe we can have some clarification, please, Everything.

You know, luana@everythingluana.com if you have any insight on massage, please to try and sort of clear this one up a bit.

Crazy times.

Anyway, it did make me think every time I get massage, a lot of people say to me about my pelvic floor that I'm very tight.

Like, I.

I do not have a tight fanny, but I, like, carry a lot of tension around my pelvic floor.

And he said that too.

And I do get that you're a horse rider, though.

So then I thought maybe I should get a yoni massage.

Would you do it?

No.

Because I do think it's a bit like cheating.

Do you?

Well, I don't think I'd want Andrew to go and get wanked off by someone in a massage.

Yeah.

I can't say I'd be particularly crazy if Alex came home and going, hi, babe.

So I feel like I can't really go get a yoni massage.

I don't know.

Would you get one M's?

I don't know.

I think like, we.

We covered this, didn't we, a couple of weeks ago on the.

I did get fingered by Nikki from Holistica.

Yeah.

And I have been by Bally from Linda.

Maybe we go yoni.

But she didn't make me orgasm.

Do you know what I mean?

She was there.

And that's still.

Yoni is meant to, like, trauma make you, like, release.

Yeah.

Like, I wasn't turned on by Bali having her hands up me vag.

I wasn't turned on by Nikki.

No, it was.

It was a therapy.

Yeah.

It's interesting, isn't it?

Interesting?

You know, someone put on our Luana Facebook group, which is, by the way, everything Luana official on Facebook.

And we've hit over 40, 000 followers.

So we're gonna go enjoy the fun.

I remember like a few months ago, someone put that they had been through yoni and they said it was like, amazing and that they're going to be going back and it was like they were married.

And then a lot of people were like, you've cheated.

And like, she got a bit ganged up upon.

Oh, no, don't you?

Yeah.

But we've talked about different opinions, being a stress reliever.

We talked about it two weeks ago, didn't we?

The doctors in the olden days, the hysteria to treat hysteria.

So there you go.

Anyway, that is my news.

Not news, old news, but new news.

And I think it has thrown up a very interesting question of exploration.

So I think we'd like some clarity on.

You guys are amazing at coming back to us on.

On your thoughts.

So, yeah, please, if you wouldn't mind.

Right, Imogen, let's see what you got, gal.

I mean, you absolutely excelled yourself last week.

I loved that.

Hard to top.

You're never.

You are never gonna top that.

And you never love us.

We'll find you.

It's time for.

Did you know you got such a cute jumper on today, by the way.

Thank you.

Oh, thank you.

Did you know that there is a fruit that tastes like chocolate pudding?

Ooh.

Oh, I didn't.

What is that ruddy fruit for a change?

There's a fruit native to Central and South America called black sapote, and it tastes like chocolate and sweet custard.

How do we get our hands on this?

Yes, please.

We move to Central or South America.

Oh, can't we import?

Can we get, like, a special supermarket?

I don't know if it's in this country.

Because we do get plantain.

Yeah, try that.

It looks like a giant, like, blueberry.

That's, like, green on the outside and dark in the middle.

Well, mango.

I find mango really sweet.

And dates.

I love dates.

And papayas.

I don't like papaya, do you know?

No.

It's quite meaty, isn't it?

Dense.

Well, I would like.

If anyone has tried this or knows where we can get hold of this, I'd really like to try it.

Or you can buy it.

Nutritional.

Oh, let's buy it.

Get it.

How much?

How much is it?

Get it for when you're in.

Two pound forty.

Oh, where from?

We'll get four.

Where is it?

LondonGrosaryNot.net oh, right, we'll get that IMO.

Now, guys, remember this Thursday, it's Luana, the big Galentine's night in.

Have you got your ticket yet?

If you haven't, you are crazy.

Head to Luana live now.

Now we've got a really, really special announcement.

Are you ready for this?

Now, we have listened, and so many of you, we know, want to experience championes too.

Well, we've gone one better, haven't we, Lou?

Oh, we have, baby.

We have managed to get hold of a bougie spa stay for two at the actual OG Champneys.

Oh, my Goodness, you can actually win this on the night and choose which champions you want to go to.

But you got to be in it to win it, guys.

And you have to join us live this Thursday for the big Galentine's night in.

It's only a few quid for a ticket and you could be lording it up in Champney.

So come on, grab one now.

Just go to Loana live, guys, or everythingloanna.com.

okay, messages, let's muff hunt in and see what your biatches have got this week.

Message from Sophie.

Hi, girls.

New listener here, but currently working.

Back to all previous podcasts.

Keeping me going whilst at work.

Classic.

Obviously dodging the work.

So I have a funny story.

I'm not sure if this will go under as twat of the week, but I'll let you decide.

You decide.

I mean, twat of the week, I think I seem to be weakly in this category.

You think that?

And then I always end up being.

Somehow it gets turned.

Somehow.

Somehow I always managed to make it work.

That you are.

So I have a funny story.

Not sure.

Oh, another bit.

So a few years back I split from my kid's dad, bringing up three kids of my own.

Three under four.

Oh, that's an innings.

Yeah, I didn't have much me time to go out, so I thought it would be a good idea to sign up on a dating site just to have someone to chat to whilst the kids were settled on the night.

Got chatting to a few at once.

Sexton.

Yeah.

Do you know what I mean by chatting to a few?

It's a bit harmless in it.

What?

My body count was new to all this I thought was a bit strange, but thought he might just like the curvier sort of girl.

I love this.

So thought it went on Google and worked it out.

I sent him over the answer to his question and I sent him my bmi.

I still cringe to this day.

What's your body, Kev?

She sent him her BMI, especially when it was 34.4.

Hopefully he just thought I counted the tip of one of them.

Also that little annoying voice in your bastard head likes to randomly remind me of the scenario every so often to make me burst out laughing in random places.

But keep being fabulous.

Shout out to my gorgeous mum and sister who is now nearly.

Oh yay.

Nearly a year cancer free.

I have them both home hooked and we cry, laughing every morning to each other sharing what pod we've listened to.

Well, hopefully it's only Luana, the podcast.

No need to keep Me none.

I'm Sophie from Sunderland 34.4.

Good God bless you and your BMI.

Honey.

I really want to know the guys answer back.

Maybe you just didn't reply.

We ghosted her.

That body count is too high for me.

Yeah, body count.

What was the point for about yeah maybe you thought it was like a little person.

Yeah it was like a half right?

We've got a message from a norm.

We've called you.

Agnes says good afternoon ladies.

Please keep me anonymous.

I apologize, it's a long one.

Just wanted to write in and tell you how much I enjoy your podcast.

You're all hilarious and give me lots of laughs when I'm working.

I want some advice regarding my relationship.

I've been with my husband since we were 17 and have been married for 20 years.

We have some amazing we have had some amazing times together.

Two beautiful children and they're nine and seven.

I found out in the not too recent past that he had some issues with gambling and had acquired some debt.

This has been going on for around eight years before I found this out.

The past eight years he's always struggled to tolerate the extra stress of being a parent.

He would often snap at the children and they sometimes felt more like an inconvenience for him.

This led me to preparing to leave him mentally before he told me of the gambling and debt acquired.

We had many conversations about it and he was very honest.

He was keen to get help and I supported him with this.

I previously worked in mental health so have some understanding of addiction.

He agreed to change with the children and felt not having to carry the secret of debt would help him manage being a parent better.

As said, he has always struggled with being a parent and is not the most natural.

Fast forward a year and things have not really changed.

He continues to get stressed if there are toys lying around and not tidied up straight away.

Sometimes if the kid spills something he will say oh don't worry, accidents happen and then other times he'll snap at them.

If the kids ask him questions he'll often say what do you want?

In an agitated voice.

I often pull him up on the way he engages or doesn't engage with the kids and he becomes off with me.

He often would rather engage in his hobbies than with the children and allow them extra screen time to occupy them.

We both have time to ourselves to exercise and I will often take the kids out so he can cook as he enjoys this.

It has reached a point of where I don't know if leaving is the right thing for my children or not.

I'm the safe person for both of them and they talk to me about difficult things, but are often too scared to tell him small things like if they don't enjoy what he's cooked for them.

He never takes the stress out on me, but will sometimes give me the silent treatment or just hardly engage until I say something to him.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Many thanks.

This is very, very interesting.

I mean, I think it's important.

He might have a bit of functioning depression, you know.

Well, this is it.

I was.

I didn't want to kind of go down a diagnosis route, but it does.

There's a lot of things that flag to me as though someone that, yeah, is definitely carrying something, possibly neurodiverse, undiagnosed.

A bit of ocd.

Yeah.

Depression, which can play into irritability, can be a bit erratic when it comes to being, you know, happy one minute, irritable and pissed off the next, the same.

If you do experience certain levels of neurodiversity, you can present in a different way.

Noise can really affect noise, I have to say.

Noise is a big thing.

Can be a huge.

Can be a huge trigger and often needing, you know, space on your own.

So it does sound like there's something going on there for him, is what I would honestly say.

And I think you're in a really tricky position.

And I think the.

For me, the Achilles heel is the children.

If the children feel like they have to edit themselves around their dad, I think that is a really important part to try and convey to him.

Yeah.

That look, you know, this is the situation.

And it really upsets me that actually the children feel like this.

And I don't think you gain anything by not telling him that.

The children are wary of him at times, I think often.

And I think his reaction to that will be telling.

Yeah.

If he is like, oh, my God, that's awful.

I hate the fact the kids think that.

And then you've opened up that conversation to, okay, well, let's look at how we can do something better around that.

If his reaction is, oh, well, them, you know, and it's.

And it's.

And it's resentful to them, then I think that also puts you in a position of thinking, well, is this man a healthy man to be around us and our children full time?

Or maybe not.

Because as we all know, we're all products of our upbringing.

And what you don't want are children that grow up to be anxious around a parent and experience inconsistent Love, I mean, that's where we come into attachment styles, you know, anxious attachment style, which does start in childhood.

It's all down to how you are loved and cared for as a child.

I think find a way to communicate him in a really honest way where you feel safe.

It sounds like he isn't aggressive, he doesn't lash out at you.

But I do think you need to be quite honest about how this is affecting you and the children and then see how he reacts.

And I think his reaction will be a telltale sign of which way you go with it.

I always say as well, I think, well, for me, like, your children are the most important thing, like, more important than your partner.

Innocent and ensuring that they have a stable and like, nice, consistent bringing, basically.

So children just feel like, yeah, your children aren't getting that, then that would answer my question, whether to be with him or not.

And that's just not physically, but that's emotionally and mentally so important because so, so many kids really suffer as adults because.

Exactly.

And I think your number one as a parent is to protect your children.

And if you feel like you're needing to step into that space, that may be the answer to your question.

Good luck.

Keep us.

Keep us posted.

And I think offload to some friends as well and people that you trust.

But I do think in my qualified position, there is definitely something going on for him that might be a little bit more than he perhaps is aware of himself.

Good luck, honey.

Good luck.

Message went from Anonymous.

So, Pauline, good morning, ladies.

New listener here and been catching up on previous podcasts.

I must say I'm rather upset I've not listened to you before as you're absolutely fantastic.

Thank you.

Go back to all the previous back catalog, Pauline.

Got a lot.

I have a little story to share which I hope you both find just as amusing as what I did.

My fiance purchased me some underwear which had some rather rude wording written on them for Christmas.

It was sort of a joke due to something we'd seen on Instagram.

Fast forward to last week of the kids being back to school, back to work, and my laundry basket was overflowing.

We were late for the school run and I was rushing to get ready for the day when I realized I had in fact ran out of knickers.

Well, apart from the erotic underwear bought for me, but for Christmas, I quickly slipped them on after my shower, got dressed, and off to the school and I went.

Driving back, I realized I'd forgotten I had my monthly Hollywood booked in.

So off I go.

To my appointment, completely forgetting about my chosen underwear for the day.

Now, I have been to the same wax lady for a long time.

So it's now at the point where I just take off my pants as soon as the door is closed, ready for her to work her magic.

So as usual we greet each other, start our usual chit chat and suddenly it dawns on me that I have enlarged white writing.

Black sexy high legs, Silky Brazilians.

The words come slut.

I stopped dead in my tracks staring at the bright white letters covering my lady garden.

Due to my sudden stop and stare, my lovely wax lady then stopped and looked in the same direction and the room went silent.

She looked at me, I looked at her.

I could feel my face burn with embarrassment.

I quickly scrambled to take them off and hop onto the bed.

My treatment started in complete silence and neither of us could look at each other.

It was quite possibly the quickest wax I've ever received thanks to the pod Ladies.

Keep up the amazing work.

Lots of love.

A very embarrassed listener.

Oh, love that.

Great story.

Yeah, you see those sexy pants.

Now listen guys, if you want to get in touch with us, we would love to hear from you.

All your anecdotes, all your joy.

Email us@luanaverthinglawana.com oh, I do that properly.

Luanaverthingluana.com or you can drop us a WhatsApp.

What's the number?

Lose this.

077452 Double 69471 Day she will remember that offline.

I know.

Why can't I?

We'll tattoo it, I think on your own.

Tattoo it.

Right, listen, this is a really interesting news story.

So Netflix users could have to pay a BBC license fee every year as charged could become law.

What?

So even though we pay for Netflix.

Yes, well obviously the BBC are losing out so much.

Right, Well I pay my BBC license as well.

So do I.

But a lot of people don't bother anymore because they just don't need to and they pay their streaming service.

So why would we need to still pay the BBC a bit of a.

Bit of double bubble?

Well, apparently.

Well, we all know this, those of us that are paying our BBC license, which you should if you're using BBC Products Bucks.

It currently costs 169 pound 50 for a year's coverage.

The BBC TV license is paid by tens of millions of households across the uk and the money from the fee goes towards funding the BBC from its radio and TV channels to BBC news website, which is why they typically pay quite craply.

I'M just gonna say, yeah, now it's not the law to pay the TV license.

It's increasing.

Oh, it's increasing.

Wow.

It's going up 170.

Quite a big increase.

Probably because so many people are this April.

It's because they probably make up the shortfall.

Yeah.

In a couple of months.

So unless you watch live telly streaming in general in your household, you will need to.

You will.

Sorry.

You'll also need it to watch content on Demand via the iPlay I do use.

Listen, the government plans have mooted that the possibility that the TV license will become a legal requirement for anyone in the UK with a Netflix subscription.

But I don't understand because many people don't watch Netflix.

There's Amazon prime, there's Disney plus Paramount, Paramount Discovery.

Like, why is it Netflix?

So this is a controversial plan.

It has been discussed by the Prime Minister's office.

So Netflix has started to invest heavily in live events from live boxing.

Oh.

So basically the streaming giant Netflix is looking to make live events a mainstay in its future.

Whereas at the moment, you need a TV license to watch these live events as they're aired.

But obviously the thing is Netflix and these other streaming platforms are winning the business because they've got more money, I assume, to pay for it.

Yeah.

So like, you know, Amazon prime video.

And I mean, it's.

It's well known within the telly industry that Netflix is killing off linear TV because it has so much more money.

And that's why stars and celebrities are now, you know, making their TV shows on Netflix because they pay much more money.

Yeah, but it's killing off, you know, but then.

But I'd still understand if I'm being thick.

How does this really understand how.

Why, Ammo, you're the voice of knowledge.

How does this link to Netflix and BBC?

Why not like Lou says, Disney plus.

And BBC, I think it is the live event.

The other platforms as well.

Say that again.

I think it's just.

I think it's also the other streaming platforms.

If they are platforms that stream live events like the Premier League games on Amazon prime, you're gonna have to start paying the license fee even if you don't watch the BBC.

I think is the thought process, but I'm not sure if it's gonna actually happen.

I don't really understand it still.

So BBC are now targeting Netflix users to pay a TV license.

Someone wrote on X.

Here's a unique and pioneering concept that may solve all your funding issues.

Companies will pay you money to advertise.

The problem is, is that the BBC has no ad actually an archaic thing and what they need to do is scrap the.

Scrap the TV license and just get, get revenue.

This is what some from adverts.

It doesn't.

It's not rocket science or someone said.

Surely if the BBC output.

This is just a punter saying this is really a world class output.

They should cancel the license fee and move to a worldwide subscription model.

There are lots of English speakers.

But then someone else posted paying a TV license isn't even a big deal.

It's like 14 pound a month and gives us TV that most people watch such as Eastenders, Doctor who line.

Well, I don't watch any of Strictly all of that.

I mean I like watching.

I don't want a bit of standards and I don't mind a bit of Strictly.

Look, someone says it's legit like paying for Netflix.

Don't see the problem.

I mean I do.

I love Call the Midwife.

I just think people should be able.

Well, I think you should be able to pay for what you want to watch.

Yeah.

Which is essentially some people don't pay the license fee and they don't have access to BBC.

It's all a bit.

It was an interesting.

The BBC need a whole overhaul, let's be honest.

Well be interesting.

I think that definitely it's a time where all of the big streaming giants now are trumping, you know, the little tellies.

So yeah, I, I did wonder if this would start to happen.

They need to.

Yeah, start robbing Peter to pay Paul.

We will keep you updated.

Next story.

So man who wanted to quit smoking, locked his head in a cage and only gave his wife the key.

This is very extreme.

This is extreme.

So Ibrahim Usel has.

I've heard of him before.

Have you?

Do you think this is a stunt then?

I don't know.

Emo.

Do us a favor, would you mind Googling Ibrahim?

You sell.

I've just got a feeling.

We've heard of this dude before, have been smoking extensively for two decades when he decided to go to the extreme.

According to World Health Organization, Baki kills approximately 8 million people every year.

That is massive.

I didn't think so.

Really.

I don't really know anybody that smokes anymore.

People just don't.

It's a dying thing now, isn't it?

I saw a stat this week that said that Gen Z is.

Yeah.

So you know 20 year olds.

Ish.

Something like 40 now.

Don't drink any alcohol at all.

Yeah, they don't because it's all this health thing, they just don't drink.

I think that's really good.

Yeah, but they're all doing drugs.

Big drugs problem.

I think it.

Most of them will do drugs and drink water.

I don't know if they put drugs into that equation.

I need to look that stat up.

Again because I do think a lot of them go for the drugs and not the.

Not the alcohol because it's not great to mix drugs and alcohol.

And they probably.

I don't know.

I've got a feeling there is a health thing.

Yeah.

I've got a feeling it included drugs.

I'm gonna look into that stat a bit more.

Yeah.

Anyway, this dude was desperate.

He locked his head inside a circular cage, gave his wife the key, the only key.

This actually happened in 2013.

We're really regurgitating here.

His father died of lung cancer and he just wanted to quit.

He was smoking two packs of cigs daily for 20 years, and he was absolutely hooked.

So he saw motorbike helmets and thought, okay, I'm gonna do that.

So he took 130 foot of copper wire, made himself a cage, put a lock on it, locked his head inside it, and the only time that he could be freed from his cage was for meal time.

He obviously didn't work, did he, Luke?

Oh, my gosh, this is barbaric.

He did that to himself.

It's like, we've got a picture.

We'll put this up on Social.

It's like a bamboo basket.

Well, it's a copper wire basket.

Oh, yeah, of course it is.

He was able to drink out of a straw, but couldn't fit a cigarette in the same space.

Nobody knows whether the contraption worked, as there's virtually no coverage of you selling his family after he initially began wearing the helmet.

Have you seen him?

That's a news story without an end demo.

Thanks for that.

I've googled him and the only thing that comes up is this article multiple times by different outlets.

Well, it's a bit of a dot, dot, dot.

We need to find out what Ibrahim USAN is.

Well.

And did he stop smoking the fags?

From one weird shite that we can't bring you a conclusion to.

To more weird shites.

It's time for it's the Widow of the Week.

Right.

Anonymous up first.

So, D, I'd like to put myself forward for Weirdo of the Week.

Does anyone else have any cats?

Yes, I do.

She's with indoor ones.

No, mine goes up.

And no, by the smell of their poo.

Oh, which cat Is which.

And also enjoy the smell of it.

Is it just me?

It's just you.

When I had those kitt awful.

And I had to keep them inside so they knew where home was their stunk I bought so I spent hundreds of pounds in products.

Awful.

And now there's no list even I don't know where they now.

But it's not.

It's not in a room.

Let me tell you now, Lou, they don't.

In their own back garden.

Oh, actually, no, that's a lie.

They do.

Well, I noticed that they don't really wander away.

I noticed with Ted the other day I was like, where has Teddy gone?

I think you know, I haven't seen him in years and I was watching him at the kitchen window and then I saw him.

Yeah, where the old frog pond used to be.

Oh, well, I bet you like I.

Was quite pleased about it.

Like frogs.

No, it most just scared me by send me something off bloody tik Tok.

A woman car.

It apparently has gone viral.

Sent a bag of parsnip.

I bought a bag of parsnips from a supermarket.

Yeah, well, don't.

It's making me feel weird.

What is that toad in it?

Star Live 1.

Look at your smug face.

Well, at least they're fresh, mate.

I'll tell you what is it with me?

I tell you, if I ever went on, I'm a celeb.

I'm never going.

Give me a snake any day.

I couldn't handle snakes.

I couldn't.

Spiders, I would.

I don't love frogs, but I've got more use of them living here.

No, I can't.

I don't have them anywhere in the basement.

THEY boing Right.

THEY boing.

We've got another person in, so we've called you Gerald.

Hi, imo.

Oh, I hope you're well and having a lovely weekend.

I would like to nominate my husband as weirdo of the week.

Let's call him Gerald.

Thank you, Jazza.

Sometimes when I'm on the loo doing a number two, my husband will come in, straddle me and serenade me.

I quite like this type of relationship.

For example, this morning it was Hero by Enrique Iglesias.

He doesn't think this is weird.

What are your thoughts when a hero.

No, I can be a hero, baby.

So she's doing a shy and he's sitting on singing that song.

I.

I admire this level of relationship comfortableness.

I mean, I.

I would never go anywhere near anywhere.

Alex is taking a shine.

You have all my.

Well, I Have to admit, I.

I just.

We have separate bathrooms, Andrew and I.

You are a sensible couple.

And anyway.

No, he still wonders him.

Does he?

Yeah, the other day, wonders in and I was on the toilet.

He's talked to me and I went, can I just get off the toilet?

It can't be that important.

We have a very open.

We're very open relations.

I like that.

I have friends that won't even fart in front of their partner.

How do they do?

But that's not normal to me.

Well, I think they'd combust.

That's just not normal.

My brother, one of my brothers doesn't fight in front of his girlfriend.

They've been together for years and my brother, let me tell you, you.

He farts filthy.

But he.

Apparently he.

Now he does it in the middle of the night, pretending he's asleep doing it.

Brilliant.

I couldn't be in a marriage like that, Lou.

No, it would be really stressful.

I'd have really bad stomach problems actually, to be honest.

We're quite a farty family.

Yeah, we don't want to do that.

Anyway, listen, that's it.

I just want to spread love and light to you all this week and tell you all that you love us.

Yes, I love you all.

Have a wonderful week.

I wish you all good health and good fortune.

Oh, that's my thought of the week.

Well, last week I was quite angry about.

Angry about you, about my cooker, my microwave.

Yeah.

So there you go, she's being loving today.

The sun is shining.

It's love Luana all again.

Well, the skies are blue today.

This is actually quite glorious.

And today you What?

You know, this is going to make us even happier this Thursday.

Don't forget, guys, we have our Luana.

The Galentine's big night.

We do.

So if you haven't got your ticket, only got a couple of days to go get your mates, even if you're on your own.

Even better reason to come and join us.

We've got fun games, fully interactive.

We're live from Champneys to 8pm this Thursday.

Go to Luana Live or everythingluana.com to get your tickets.

It's a couple of quid.

We cannot wait to see you there.

And you can obviously join us from wherever you are in the UK and around the world.

Exactly.

And also on Thursday, we of course have Luana Totally extra.

So it's a real bumper day of Luana.

You can listen to us, then you can tune into us and interactively join.

Us, get us, get your shout outs in your anecdotes, your friendship stories, your.

Emails can come to luana@everythingluana.com.

you can also hop onto WhatsApp, send us a voice note or a message.

Our numbers 07452 double six 947.

All the usual stuff.

Please subscribe to the podcast.

Tell someone about us.

Make them listen.

Spread the gospel.

Listen to back cattle.

So to listen to talking about spreading the gospel.

It was a horse show with Clemmie the other night and this guy came up to me and he went, I've just been watching you on Instagram.

He said, you are so funny, you and your mate, I love you, blah, blah, blah.

He said.

And then I was doing a job, I don't know what he did, he said, and there were loads of girls in the office and I said to them, have you seen this pair?

And they said, no.

So dinner.

I've got them all on it now.

Thank you, mate.

Lovely heterosexual man fan, which I love because obviously the gays love us.

We've known that for years.

We love the game and we love.

The gays, but the, the, the straighties.

The straighties, they've been a few years, but they're well in now.

They're well in.

We honestly appreciate all of you.

So if you are new or an OG and you do like listening to us, firstly, you're insane.

But we thank you for that.

We've got over 500 episodes for you to go and click back and listen to.

We love the reviews.

Thank you guys.

We'll see you Thursday.

Bye for now.