Am I about to send my ex into my bedroom to wake up my husband 2 o' clock in the morning?

And if I do this, is my husband gonna accidentally shoot my ex?

And so then I'm contemplating my life then too.

Like, what am I doing?

Rise and shine, ladies.

You're tuned in to Skirts up with Samantha and Melissa.

We got your daily dose of hope and humor while we discussed everything from failing to succeeding and all the spiciness in between.

Hey everyone, we are back again.

This is Samantha and Melissa.

All right, guys, so in each episode you'll notice that we will start off with a fail of the week.

Melissa, what was your fail of the week?

Okay, I get home and my husband is angrily opening the mail.

This sounds good.

Cause Brett.

Brett angry.

Oh, aggressive.

Yes.

What?

He was aggressive.

He goes, oh no, you got a ticket.

And I was like, how do you know it was me?

And he goes, because I already looked it up and I was at work.

Busted.

And I was like, oh my gosh.

I was like, okay, where?

And he's like, it's right down the street on Peachtree because we live in Sugar Hill.

And they did put in a camera.

Did you know about the camera or is this how you learned about the camera?

I knew about it, but.

And even my friend Jacob and I, we drove past one day and we were talking.

He goes, they said there's a camera, but I don't know where it is.

And I was like, eh, it's probably 30 spare people.

Hahaha.

I'm so embarrassed, you guys.

The worst part of it is it was a school zone.

Of course.

Yeah.

You know what's interesting?

What?

My fancy little mom car.

It tells me when a school system with a camera is coming up.

And it goes, ding.

What?

Ding.

You're going too fast.

Ding, ding.

And it warns me that I am entering a school zone with a camera and that I better slow my ass down.

That is sweet.

What car do you have for everybody?

It is a Telluride.

Yeah, the newest edition.

That's what.

It's pretty fun.

It is.

And that's what my one of my best friends pile.

She, her husband just got a tie ride.

I'll tell you a fun story about this Telluride another time, but.

Oh, wait, no, you kind of have to tell it now.

Oh, is that going to be my fail of the week?

Now that's a really good fail.

All right, so we'll call my fail of the week my Telluride fail.

All right, so I don't get out much.

I Don't go anywhere.

This is before seizure time, though, so I was getting out, at least more.

You were actually leaving.

So Melissa and I had gotten together with my friend Courtney, my.

My bestie, and we were going.

She listened to this podcast called I've had it, and it's her favorite podcast.

And she asked us if we go with her so that she could go see them live.

And so we go with her to the show.

We had a great time.

Courtney and I are not responsible together, mind you.

Like, anything bad that could happen will happen.

And we.

We don't need to go into that.

We did have fun, though.

A lots of fun.

It's probably the.

We didn't do anything.

We did not do anything that would break any marriage vows or anything like that.

We didn't do anything that I wouldn't tell my mama.

Maybe not her mama, but.

Oh, yeah, I don't talk to my mom about a lot of things, but I told my husband our husbands would

be so proud of us.

We did something and nothing bad happened.

That is so cute.

I think I must have already left at that point.

Literally, we high fived at the door and we were like, oh, chest pound.

We did something good.

Nothing bad happened.

Our husbands are gonna be so proud of us.

Like, yes, we're adults now.

Well, I start driving home, and I'm driving home and I'm probably a little over halfway home.

We live like an hour away.

Hour and some away, and I'm over halfway home.

My husband and I have already gotten off the phone with each other.

He's trying to stay awake for me, even though it's way past our bedtime.

So.

So I'm driving home now.

I'm on the stretch of, like, Darkness Road because I live out in the sticks and I'm driving and I was using my phone as my gps.

And everyone tells you, like, you know, you know it's illegal to not hold your phone and drive, and they make these little contraptions that'll hold your phone for you, and I'm just not that.

Just not that with it.

Even though my fancy Telluride also has

a. Oh, it does.

It also has a map.

My phone fell, and just like any other normal human, I go and I catch my phone mid fall and I stick my arm down in between that hole.

Wait, is the success in this story that you caught your phone?

Sure.

Still, nothing bad has happened.

I caught it before.

It fell in between the crack of abyss, but then my arm was stuck.

My arm was stuck in the hole.

Well, you followed it into the crack of the abyss.

I did, actually.

Isn't that what everyone does?

You go and you catch your phone and you try to catch it before it falls.

It stinks.

I driving.

I fault you.

I wouldn't anyway.

Well, okay, so there is.

There is a positive to the story.

All right?

So I'm driving.

My arm is literally, literally stuck in this hole of my car.

And so now I'm driving at 2:00 in the morning, sideways in my car where my head, I'm sure it is just barely above the steering wheel because my arm is fucking stuck.

And I'm driving and I, like, cannot get my arm out.

And it hurts.

Like, I can feel my skin being cut.

And I'm like, what do I do?

And I'm about to drive past a police station.

I'm like, to.

I pull over because I'm trying to call Simon.

That's what I was gonna say.

Yeah.

So my car, with my other hand, you know.

Weren't you trying to use voice command?

Yes.

I hit my voice command real fast and I, you know, I'm stuck sideways.

And I'm like, call sexy bearded man, because that's my husband.

So I tell my car to call him.

He doesn't answer.

And I mean, we've just been off the phone, like, for 10 minutes.

The only thing I know what to do is call my mom at 2:00 in the morning.

And so she answers the phone, she's like, are you okay?

And I'm like, no.

I was like, my arm is stuck.

And she's like, where?

What do you mean your arm is stuck?

And I had to explain to her where my arm is stuck and why it's stuck.

I was like, I'm passing a police station.

I don't know what to do.

Like, my arm is being cut.

Do I stop?

And she goes, did you drink?

And I was like, I mean, like hours ago.

And she was like, I don't know, I'd be kind of worried that.

That, like, you could get in trouble for that.

And I was like, maybe.

Okay, I'm gonna keep driving.

And then, like, my arm is just.

It's throbbing.

I can feel circulation being cut off.

It was hours ago, though.

Like, there's no way.

You were probably.

Probably.

But, like, you still scary.

Yeah.

You don't know what can happen.

And so then I'm passing a fire station.

I'm like, mom, what do I do?

Like, do I stop at the fire station?

Do I ask them to help me?

And then she goes, I don't know, she goes, maybe if you can just get home.

So don't call Mom.

She's like, if you can just get home.

So she stays on the phone with me for the rest of the 25 minutes.

And my arm is fucking stuck in the car on the way home.

And I pull into the driveway and then I'm staring at my house.

I'm like, mom, if you're not answering the phone, how is he gonna know I'm out here?

And she goes, oh, I don't know.

She goes, well, try calling him again.

I'm like, okay.

So then I go to the other line, I try to call him again.

Of course he doesn't answer.

I come back over my mom, he's not answering.

He's asleep.

And I was like, I could honk my horn and wake up one of my kids and hopefully they'll go get him, you know?

And then I gotta explain to my kids why I'm fucking stuck in my car at 2 o' clock in the morning.

And so then I was like, I don't know what to do.

Call my ex.

And so my mom's like, you want me to call Andrew?

And I was like, I guess he'll hear it.

And so she calls Andrew and he answers.

And he lives eight minutes from our house.

I did tell you in episode one that he's a really nice guy and we'll be there for you.

He will help us and our kids, including mine and Simon's child that is not his at any given moment, whenever that is just him.

He's single, ladies.

Though, if anyone's curious, he is single.

So Andrew answers.

He knows my mom can't come and help me because that would be like World War Four.

Three.

Is that what people say?

Or three?

Three.

Oh, whatever.

Okay, continuing on.

So am I about to send my ex into my bedroom to wake up my husband 2 o' clock in the morning, and if I do this, is my husband going to accidentally shoot my ex?

And so then I'm contemplating my life then too.

Like, what am I doing?

And so somehow Andrew pulls up and Simon is walking out of the house.

Somehow I.

Like, I don't remember.

I think Simon might have finally woken up, saw my 20,000 phone calls and called me back.

And Andrew's standing next to me and I was like, I need you to come outside.

I need you to come outside right now because things are happening and Andrew's here and I need you outside.

And he was like, oh, okay.

So he comes stumbling outside.

So then the boys are talking about, like, looking at my hand and they're like, why can't you just pull it out?

And I was like, do you see these cuts on my arm?

That's for me trying to pull it out.

I am bleeding.

And so.

So then we're, like, trying to.

My mom's on the phone and she's like, oh, my God.

What is it?

My baby.

Don't let the car eat my baby.

You know, instead of the dingo.

Yes, I do.

Thank you for explaining.

I don't know anything about where the dingo came from, but I know that saying.

Oh, I think it's from.

I'll think of the name.

I'll think of the movie.

It's from a 90s movie.

Well, I'll stop making the story so dramatic.

The boys end up.

But it was.

You're stuck in your car at three in the morning and you can't go to bed.

It was dramatic.

The boys.

One of them's pulling.

One of them.

I can't remember which one's doing what now, but one of them's leaning over me and, like, unbuckled me and then is pulling my seat from my right side.

Is pulling my seat as far as I can towards the driver door.

One of them had my hand and

was trying to help maneuver my hand.

And one of them was pulling the seat away, trying to get.

But you got out.

I got out, Yeah.

I.

Eventually, I did get out.

Andrew went home.

Simon was like, what the hell?

And I was like, you'd be so proud of us.

Nothing bad happened until the car ate me.

Because it ate me.

So that's the Telluride story.

And we can blame it on the tell.

That is the Telluride.

And Andrew immediately, the next day, bought these, like, little Gap things.

Okay, that is adorable.

Didn't know that part of the story.

And that's hilarious.

And so now that there's a Gap thing in my car.

I didn't even know they had those.

I didn't know either.

But apparently it's common that Tellurides each

hand,

you know, don't stick your hand down that hole.

Out of all the holes.

Don't stick your hand down that one.

Thank God for voice call.

Yeah.

Because I was able to call for help.

Yeah.

And I'm sure there's a positive three still nothing technically bad happened.

Gonna say the positive is now we can share with you in our links.

That little spacer thing.

Yes.

So it doesn't happen to you.

The moral of the story.

Don't stick your hand down the fucking Hole.

Don't do it.

Or just get a spacer thing.

Or get a spacer.

But more of the story is sometimes there's not a real positive to your fail, but a fail is a good way to remind yourself not to do it.

Again, that.

But on the flip side, tell me, do you know how many fucking school tickets we've gotten?

Like, at one point I thought that our license was going to be revoked.

Like serious.

We got like, they don't mess around.

We got like 15 school zone speeding tickets in like a couple of months span.

And I was like, between Simon and I, like between the two of us.

And I literally thought, like, when do they take your license?

Like how many of these can you get before you like really get in trouble?

That's a good question.

Maybe we should look that up.

Should look that up.

Well, today we have learned.

Live and learn.

Live and learn.

Don't stick your hand in holes.

Don't speed in the school zones.

That's right, don't speed.

Well, kids, but it's fun.

Yeah, well, no, I didn't do it because it was fun.

I just did it because I was being absent minded and actually I wasn't really speeding for the regular.

Yeah, okay, fine.

That's no excuse.

You shouldn't speed in a spot, Melissa.

He'll like speeding.

Let's take Simon's car out for a spin.

Oh, that would be so funny.

He has speed zone.

It goes.

Oh, really?

Yeah, I do.

It like sucks you back into the back of the seat when you like tap the gas because it's so like, it's got that horsepower that's so hard.

It just like, it sucks you back.

That sounds fun.

It is fun.

I wonder if we could like rent.

Can't you like go to a racetrack and you can rent like super fast

cars And I have a burning desire to drive like a McLaren someday.

Like, I maybe want one.

I don't know anything about cars, but I want to own a Corvette while you drive that.

Mm, that'd be nice.

I would love to drive a fast car.

I love.

I don't know what though.

Like, yeah, I know what a Corvette is, but I don't really know what McLaren is.

Well, I'm still at minimum six months away, so we'll see what happens.

Six months away from driving McLaren.

Oh, I was like, she's about to be rich.

I was talking about her seizures.

I wish.

So what's on the front with that?

Well, if you want to share if

we are feeling a little froggy next week, I get this fun little contraption put on my head if we're feeling froggy.

Like, if we're feeling, like, you know, a little frisky, like, we want to have some excitement.

I've never heard froggy in my life.

Is froggy not the right word?

Did I make that up?

I can't imagine, like, my husband wanting to have sex with me and being like, you cute little frog, you.

Is froggy not the right word?

I don't think it is.

Oh, I might have made that up.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't you say frisky?

No, because frisky's not the word I was trying to say.

She was trying to say froggy.

Okay, moving on.

She meant frog if we want to get a little crazy.

Yeah, froggy crazy like a frog.

That makes sense, right?

We will record our next episode in video while I got this fun little ambulatory EEG strapped to my head.

You're talking about us feeling froggy?

Not you and Simon feeling froggy?

No, you and me feeling froggy.

Oh, my God.

So maybe frisky's not the word.

It wasn't the word.

We're not gonna get frisky on camera, Melissa.

But still, I wouldn't say, like, froggy either.

But that's okay.

Yeah.

If we are feeling like little frogs next week.

You can't even say that with a straight face.

Then we are gonna film her with

the E. So what she's basically saying is, you are gonna be wearing one for how long?

Three days.

Okay, good.

Good.

Because we really did.

Why don't you.

Can you share what happened last time when we were recording?

Oh, yeah.

This is actually a good thing.

And it was.

It actually did turn out good.

That's another fail for that.

Should have been my fail today.

Anyways, it's not really a fail.

They don't care.

It's not really a fail.

They just want to hear all the stories.

We tried to record this episode for y' all earlier in the week.

We tried to do it, like, five days ago while we were recording.

And all of a sudden, I, like, I don't even know if the words coming out of my mouth were even what we were talking about, I'm gonna be quite honest.

And all of a sudden, I just remember.

I just remember shaking my head and not remembering what we were talking about.

And I remember Melissa saying, are you about to have a seizure?

I think you're having a seizure.

And.

And I'm like, no, no, no, no, I'm fine.

And then it Was a seizure.

And so she called Simon and was like, what am I supposed to do?

Like, I don't like.

And he was like, oh, okay, well, let's see if we can give her the emergency meds.

But he didn't have the answer.

We don't have the answer.

Had a seizure and too late to give the emergency medications.

Seizures knock me out.

I am so confused.

I can't put together words, sentences.

In Andrew's words.

Her body is now trying to catch up with itself.

And I would say that's what it felt like.

And for the next couple.

It takes me two days to be able to put words and sentences together.

That makes sense.

It just doesn't process it.

I can't process things.

And it wasn't until about, like, probably six that evening when I finally was, like, at least coherent enough to be, like, thinking about, like, man, what this happened again.

Like, I'm really sick of this.

And I'm sitting there and I'm like, sitting there and I go, simon.

He's like, what?

We were recording an episode.

It's funny that you remember it that way.

Not funny.

It means that you weren't coherent because we did talk about that.

Are you serious?

Yeah, we were like.

We got you under recording and we replayed it and watched it together.

No, I don't remember that.

Yeah, we did, man.

They get you?

I don't know.

That is wild.

Well, I think I have it on camera.

And you were able to show him.

Yeah, we watched it together and then we cut the clip out into a smaller clip of where you see it happening.

And then you see, like, how it came about.

And then you see the.

The after where I just can't put words together.

I can't put a thought together.

And we were able to send that to the doctor.

And now we have the EEG scheduled for next week for three days, which

is great because it's been how many months now trying to figure out.

It's been six years trying to figure out.

Type which.

This doctor is a new doctor and he's on his shit.

He already, like, knows what kind we're having.

Just wants to get that.

Did the video help or.

He hasn't seen it.

I'm still waiting on.

Waiting on that, but.

So that was actually a really good thing.

It was.

It felt like a fail.

I was very upset.

I was depressed for the rest of the week.

Herself.

But, like, I was.

You wouldn't be mad at somebody who broke their leg and couldn't walk across the room or you're Somebody who had, I don't know, diabetes and couldn't eat the cake for their birthday.

I don't know.

This is the only thing I have that I can control is this podcast, what we're doing, what we're talking about when we record it.

Like, this is the only thing I have to control in my life right now.

So when something like that happens unexpectedly, I can't even take care of my kid at that point.

I can't take care of that.

I'm going to throw.

Yes, that is awful.

I'm going to throw in a bridge in the Buddhist mindset.

Oh, now we're getting Buddhist.

But one of the main things that is taught is that we have no control over anything.

We don't own anything.

We don't have control.

Anything that we have could go away any given moment.

And if we can accept that, we're gonna actually be able to roll with the punches a lot easier.

I'll think on that.

Think on it.

I'll think on that.

See how I feel.

Life is rough, but we're getting somewhere.

She is going to possibly be wearing the.

What's it called?

Headset.

Ambulatory eeg.

Next recording.

All right, well, today our episode is making friends after our 30s.

And let's see.

Today's episode is called making friends after your 30s.

So I remember when my mom turned 30.

Like, I remember that day, the day my mom turned 30, we lived in Texas.

She's.

She's depressed.

She's really sad leading up to this day, like, she's just dreading it.

So she gets a card in the mail from her friend.

It's a picture of an old, old, old woman with boobs sagging to the ground.

And it's something about, you know, now you're.

Now you're old.

You're 30.

I remember she spent the whole day in the bathtub, just very upset, didn't want to talk to anyone.

She just sat in the tub all day crying over being 30 in this tub.

And.

And.

And then, you know, later, in her 30s, we are in Georgia, and she's doing the carpool from, you know, my school to rotc, and she's carpooling with me, other friends from narutc, driving us back and forth to wherever.

And I remember, like, she.

It was to the point where she'd be like, y' all need to turn that music down.

I'm trying to see.

And we're like, you're 30 now.

You're blind.

Yeah.

I mean, at this point, she's probably 38.

Oh, 30, 35, 38, whatever.

She's in her 30s and I'm like, how is that gonna help you?

And I'm cracking up.

She's like, you know, if she pops a curb or, or any little minor thing that she does on accident while she's driving, I'm like, God, Jesus Christ, Mom.

Like, when you turn 30, I think license should be provoked.

And then she would get so offended, she'd be like, you just wait.

You just wait until you're 30 and you see how you feel.

And jokes on me because I am 30, just turned 30 and I can't drive.

Oh, I find it hilarious.

My mom.

That's some karma.

It makes my mom very sad when I say that, but it cracks me the hell up because I'm really glad that you're left about jokes on me.

What age, when you were little, did you, like, if someone said, Hey, 10 year old Melissa, at what age do you then call someone old?

What age would you say?

Maybe I'm old now because I feel like I'm still removed from that.

That I don't know what I would have said.

In all, I would have said 30.

Yeah, yeah.

I for some reason really said 50 or 60.

Maybe that's because my dad told me, you're halfway dead at 50.

We say that we're getting old and that we're so old all the time that my kids at like 7 years old, they're like, you're not old until you're 80.

Oh, that's sweet.

And we're just like looking at them and we're like, huh?

How are they so advanced?

How are they so smart and evolved?

Yeah, I was gonna share.

I know we're talking about our 30s.

The worst birthday I ever had was when I turned 20, and that was because my dad and my mom, so I was a nanny and I lived in Ohio, and I caught a bus for my birthday and went down to Kentucky where my parents lived.

And while I was there, my dad just started like, he started like, just like yelling and getting upset with me, like, you're 20 years.

See, in the Mormon Church, you're kind of old if you're not like.

And I had never really had a steady boyfriend at that age.

And he was just getting on my back like, you are 20.

You're not married.

You're not even having a prospect of getting married.

And I just felt awful.

I felt like I was so old and I was gonna be this old maid and nobody was gonna want me.

And so I was just crying.

I was Just bawling.

And my dad was going at me, and that was my 20th birthday.

And I remember thinking, I'm so old.

And now I wish I could go back, because I was.

Even later, like, after my mission, when I was 23, 24, and I was in the singles ward, is what you call it.

Cause in.

When you reach the age of 18, instead of going to church with just everybody else, you go to church with other singles, other people up until the age of 30 because they want you to freaking get married.

Interesting.

Yeah.

And as a returned missionary, because there's another old trope in the church where girls only go on missions because they couldn't get married and they weren't cute enough.

And so I felt like there was something wrong with me as soon as I turned 20.

And that was hard.

That was really hard.

Because I do wish I could go back and say, yeah, normal, you were fine.

Yes, you're normal.

20 is so young.

23, 25 is young.

Yeah.

But, yeah.

So anyway, in our 30s, we still

don't have our shit together, it feels like, but we do.

Yeah.

You look.

You look at people in their 30s when you're in your 20s, and you think, I still.

When someone goes, what do I do?

When, like, someone in their 20s goes, what do I do about this?

Like, I'm.

I don't know what to do.

I'm like, I don't know.

Come ask an adult.

And then, like, just stare at me silently, and I'm like, oh.

Oh, that's me.

Oh, okay.

I should have an answer.

When I turned 30.

I think my 30th birthday has probably been my favorite birthday.

The one that stood out the most.

I had been planning that thing for.

And this was just a couple months ago.

I've been planning that birthday for a year.

That's really cute.

My best friend Courtney and I, I knew that we were gonna do a photo shoot, and we dressed up in pink tutus.

With Courtney's permission.

Can we link some of your photos?

Yeah, of course.

I will link those.

Look them up.

They are so cute.

She did a smash cake.

And of course, I'm just a little princess.

So, like, you know, I just stood pretty with my cake and I don't drink alcohol anymore, but, you know, acted like I had a bottle of champagne and, you know, acted cool.

And, like, you can be cool without alcohol.

But I think you're just saying you wanted to get across the idea that

it's a party, but also, like, that's our thing.

Like, our progression photos that we do together.

It.

We have this pose.

You do progression photos?

We do like every year.

Not every year.

It's like at big milestones.

So like when I was pregnant with Nora is honestly when this photo progression started.

We have some with our kids too, that we do.

But with us it started when I was pregnant with Nora and there's a photo, a very specific photo of us sitting on the couch in a specific way.

And I have a plate sitting on my stomach of food and she's got the alcohol because she can drink and I can't.

But yeah.

So I planned my birthday.

I planned me and Courtney with our husband.

Husband.

Courtney and I with our husbands.

We went to Mexico for the first time and we stayed in a adult only, all inclusive.

It was me.

Oh, it was just.

It was so needed.

Especially with all the health issues we've been going on, going on with me.

And then my poor husband has so much family drama going on with his mother in law and trying to help his sisters and just a whole thing.

And so we needed it.

We needed a break first off.

So it was great that I planned it.

Yeah.

So it was really enjoyable.

I had a lot of time.

We stayed in a really nice hotel when we did the photo.

So it's just like a birthday that just extended and kept doing great.

I had a blast.

I loved it.

I don't even know if I was expecting it to be so good because, you know, there's my mom's experience and then there's Friends.

I think most of us binge watch Friends on a regular basis.

And you think of that episode where Rachel turns 30 and it shows you a clip of when all of them turned 30.

Rachel's mad about it and Joey's crying about it, yelling at his birthday cake.

Why, God, why?

We had a deal.

It was not supposed to be me.

And that's why this episode is called that.

Because that's the 30 clip that comes to my head.

Even though it could have been 30.

Flirty and thriving.

But I like Joey's version.

Why, God, why?

Do you remember?

Were you excited for your 30s?

What?

What did you do?

So it's weird because I actually don't remember my 30th birthday.

I really don't.

I know where I was and what I was doing.

So in 2008, I did have an emotional breakdown that led me to move from South Carolina to Texas to stay with some of my best friends in the whole world.

So her name is also Melissa, but it's Scott and Melissa.

They're married.

And they have two kids, so I always call her Melissa Walker, by the way.

But Melissa and Scott took me in.

They helped me get on my feet.

I had a dog.

I had Waverly.

She was my bestest friend in the whole world.

When I first moved to the Walkers, and I was going through a rough time.

I remember saying, I really wish I just had a dog in there.

Like, get a dog.

And I thought, this is your house.

You don't have any pets.

And they didn't care.

They just wanted me to be healthy and happy.

And we got a dog, and she was an inside dog, and she was my baby.

And honestly, another push.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Right.

When I was 30, I was in school at the time.

I thought I was gonna go for nursing.

Yeah.

I honestly don't remember a lot.

I think I just was doing a lot to try to get on my feet, and that's okay.

There are timeframes for everyone where it's just getting on your feet.

I think Most of my 20s was swimming.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't have a lot of memories about the 30th birthday.

I do have a lot of memories about my 30s.

Of course, nothing was the way I thought that it was gonna be.

When I was younger, I thought I was gonna have my shit together.

I was gonna be married, I was gonna have kids, because that's what I was kind of raised to have and want.

And the truth is, I think I. I did want kids, to tell you the truth.

We went, my ex husband and I, we actually had some miscarriages.

I was nannying.

I wasn't, like, working in any kind of corporate position.

I had gone to school when I was younger to be a dental lab technician.

But when I had, like, my breakdown and everything in 2008, I moved to Texas and just kind of dropped everything.

The Walkers were so supportive in letting me just kind of take time, not do anything for a little bit.

I kind of helped out around the house and watched their kids, and then through word of mouth.

And since I had nannied when I was younger, at the age of 19, word of mouth got around, and I just started babysitting and nannying for a lot of people.

And I did that for nine years.

I also worked in a.

At a barn.

This helped somebody.

Her name was Gloria.

She was also an amazing person.

Yeah.

So my 30s weren't what I thought.

Let's just put it that way.

I felt like I should have had been further along than I was.

I think everyone does.

I'm starting to learn that there is

No, I think leading up to your 30s, everyone starts freaking out of like, ah, my life should be together.

Like, I should know exactly who I am.

I should know exactly what I'm doing.

And that's just not the case.

I think your 20s are a trash fire.

And so then you're like, leading up to your 30s, and you're like, holy shit, I still am on fire.

I'm still on fire.

And your 30s is figuring it out, getting it together is what I think

your 30s are as far as to say your whole life is just figuring it out.

And I have a feeling, because here I AM in my 40s, I don't feel like I have it figured out.

And I wonder.

We'd have to ask, but I wonder if there's people in their 60s, 70s, and 80s who feel like they still don't have it figured out.

I don't know.

But I would venture as far as to say life is just about figuring it out, and there is not.

It gets really frustrating, all these societal mile markers that people try to give us.

You should be here.

You should be doing this.

I just don't think that's how it works.

I think we're all very unique individuals and we all have a different path that we're taking to get where we're going in the end.

Melissa Walker, she.

I look at her and I'm always like, she's got it together.

I want to be her when I grow up.

She's my best friend, obviously, but she's a therapist.

She owns her own house.

She has a practice.

Her own practice.

She owns three or four horses.

She just has all the things that I look at and think, oh, I want to be there.

But she in her 30s, she in her 30s, she had some anxiety and depression issues, and then she ended up going back to school.

There's just no.

You don't know what's gonna fulfill you.

Oh, yeah.

So what I was gonna say is she always says, as a therapist now, one of her favorite sayings, and I have taken it on and I tell everybody, don't should on yourself.

Right?

Because literally, like, saying should is shitting on yourself.

Like, there is no should.

If you could have done that, you would have done that.

You weren't in the capacity or mind frame to do whatever is you think you should have done.

As long as we're always trying our best, that's what we should do.

Yeah, that's the only should.

I think that's in my opinion.

I wonder if Melissa would say that.

That's a Good mind frame to try and adapt on.

Yeah.

I feel like I made a lot of friends in my 20s.

Right.

I was going to the singles ward at church, and I have a few friends from there that are still like ride or die.

Like, one in particular, Nikki, like, we haven't talked in years, but I know if I called her up, she would be there for me.

But for the most part, it was kind of superficial, I'm not gonna lie.

But then Melissa Walker and Scott, they were there for me.

I met them when I was 19, actually, in Ohio when I was a nanny there.

And so.

And it's true.

And I moved there and I didn't have any friends.

And so my 30s was me trying to rebuild my life and make friends.

Right.

So one of the first things I did, and it wasn't even on purpose to make friends, it was more because I wanted to play board games, which is so dorky.

But I had a friend in South Carolina who.

He was my best friend.

We would get together and we would go to the mall, and there was this little tiny board game store that would let you open any game and play it.

Ah.

Cause she wanted.

That was.

That's part of how.

Did you guys buy any?

No.

But we were also, like, young college age.

And anyway, so when I moved to Texas, I was like, I would like to play some games.

And the walkers, not that they wouldn't have played with me, but I didn't really own that many, and I don't know.

So I went up online and I looked up a meetup.

I went to themeatup.com and looked up a meetup, and I found a bunch of people would meet up at this.

It was called Cafe Brazil.

They don't.

And it's just people get together, and at meetups, people are open.

You're meeting people who are doing what you are already interested in.

So, like, on meetup.com, you can find, like, hiking groups, you can find biking groups, you can find board game groups, you can find knitting groups.

That's what social media is like now.

It's true.

But this is very specifically for groups.

You get together to do that thing, right?

Yeah.

So you're kind of meeting somebody.

They have traveled like that now.

That's awesome.

Yeah.

We ran into a group in.

Where were we?

In Costa Rica.

There was, like, a large group of people, and Simon had stopped and asked what they were celebrating.

And it was a bunch of singles that wanted to travel to Costa Rica.

And so all the singles signed up for this trip.

And Traveled together so they didn't have to do it alone, but could still do it as a single.

That's awesome.

Yeah.

I have made some of my most best friends in the world to this day through that group.

Shout out Lindy, Nancy, Daryl, Blake, Monty.

But feel left out if she forgot your name.

Please don't.

The point is, moral of the story is that Melissa does not have a hard time making friends.

Well, it was hard.

I went that first time, it was uncomfortable because they're all playing games.

I don't know.

And I felt kind of stupid.

But when you're at a meetup, you're almost automatically around people who are trying to bond over something, and they're gonna be open and accepting and be like, here, let me show you how we do it.

That makes sense, right?

So that was a really easy way for me to make friends.

And it just kind of happened like somebody.

Oh, I met.

It was cw.

I sat down at a game.

Hi, cw.

And he was like, hey, I think you would like to come over to another game night group that we have, like, that's at someone's house.

And then I started getting.

When I went to that, I was able to kind of like, you're fine.

I was able to get more, I don't know, more on the level of, like, talking to people, making friends.

Yeah, you got the awkwardness out.

Yeah.

It wasn't just about games.

Like, the meetup was kind of just about games.

But then when they invited me to that other person's house to play, it was more just like, about friends getting together.

And then, you know, you start just making friends.

It just kind of comes naturally if you can put yourself in the right place.

So we do have a third episode coming up, and we're going to talk a bit, a little bit about.

You're going to meet Lola.

What.

What got you in her group?

Because she has a good group.

It's.

It's a mom's group.

And sometimes joining groups on Facebook is a good way to help you get out there too.

You're again, finding like minded people.

No, joining a mom's group is just trying to find, like, other people that you can get advice from or just kind of run things by see other mom's humor and something that.

That you may be struggling in and find some humor in and giggle over that.

Over.

Yeah, social media.

But I don't know.

I only have.

So Courtney and I have known each other since high school, so we've been friends for like, what is that, like, 10 years?

12 years.

12 years.

Been on Friends for a long time and we're still pretty close knit with a lot of the girls that we were in ROTC with.

We still get together all the time.

All of us were in Courtney's wedding and we're about to be in another one of their weddings actually this year.

But like just making new friends, like we don't live close so for any of us to get together like it's got to be a plan, it's got to be well thought out.

And so now I live out in the sticks and gotta make friends somehow.

And I just, I'm very socially awkward.

I don't enjoy going out.

I especially don't enjoy going out by myself.

I get really stressed and I just, it's not for me.

And I'm noticing I'm in this, this women of Atlanta's group and it actually, it's interesting to me that people who live in the city in my mind are people who are social anyways and like to get out anyways.

And people who live out where I live, they typically are the people who are more kept to themselves but they still have their close knit friends.

But people who live in the city that are in this group are all the time posting about I don't have any friends.

I'd like to meet new people.

I'd like to meet new friends.

And they're posting like dating ad descriptions of themselves saying looking for a friend who's X, Y, Z. I'm this age.

I enjoy doing this.

Yeah.

I have a dog that's this connection

stuff in the newspaper.

Yeah.

I mean people are doing this in the groups like trying to find new friends.

And I just find it really interesting that everyone seems to struggle.

I mean I say everyone but not everyone.

But a lot of us do struggle

making friends prevalent than we might realize.

When you think not I.

Well, you think you're the only one in it, right?

Yeah.

And it's probably a lot more prevalent than we were I guess because I

see it a lot.

I just kind of assumed that that was, that was everyone's normal, like hard to make friends.

But I'm also just significantly less social than, than people I do hang out with.

But then I was reading like, so I got really curious about like I struggle with this.

So many people are struggling with it.

You know there's even dating apps that have a side app for finding friends.

Like there's like a friend bubble Bumble.

That's cool.

Yeah.

So it's really interesting.

So I started reading about like man, it's hard making friends in 30s.

Why would this be?

And so I found this article and it's talking about how, you know, like when you're in your high school, in your college years, you're around a constantly revolving door of people, people moving in, moving out.

You're seeing these new people every single day.

And socializing is what, is what you're doing interesting.

You're, you know, going to school together and you know, talking and you know, most people go to work and they have jobs and they're doing the same thing.

They're going, they're meeting friends and they're, they're socializing a little bit here and there.

But now we're adults and at the end of the day we're just too exhausted.

Yeah, usually your work friends stay your work friends.

You don't really go out with them.

Like you want to go home to your families, you want to go home to your dogs, you want to unwind before you have to do it all again.

And so now there's like this added exhaustion and just lack of desire.

And on top of that, there's a sky rise in anxiety these days and social anxiety and that.

And that's really holding us back because I'm sure we can all come up with a, a story or have a story where we were embarrassed in a social group or where, you know, just sometimes doesn't feel worth worth it putting yourself out there.

Yeah, it can sometimes feel like, why did I even try?

Yes, I, yes, I.

There are, there are girls who like, who want to make friends and genuinely want to make friends.

And so then they like go and they meet someone online or they meet someone at work and they're like, okay, we're driving, we're driving.

All right, I'm gonna start trusting them.

And then like they start sharing their close knit things with them and then that person dumps them in the 100.

I'm thinking of Courtney talking about this.

Like, that happened to me too.

It's very strange.

Now granted, both of the people that I feel in my, in my memory when I say that happened to me, they have since reached out and either apologized.

Actually there's three.

Oh my God, they have since reached out and apologized.

And dude, that's like unheard of.

Yeah, I don't know.

I guess I'm lucky.

Here's the thing.

It's really easy to either just trust and give everything you have to something, or maybe hold back everything.

And it's like, where's that happy medium where you can be like, hey, I'm going to give just enough that I can foster a friendship without actually giving enough to.

If it doesn't work out where I feel like just crushed and ruined.

Right.

Yeah.

So I think sometimes just remembering.

Look at things objectively because I sometimes have this thing where I just trust.

I wanted to trust people.

I'm not so much that way anymore.

Over the years, I feel like I've kind of learned how to start just saying, let's just not share at all.

Let's just, you know, let's just see.

See how it goes.

Yeah.

I don't know.

And I don't mean to say that we should all hold ourselves back.

I want to create like, I want us to create a community where we don't have to do that.

And I hope that.

That it works.

I hope that too, you know, that people want to share their struggles.

And the point is that there's someone else in that in our group that's also been through the same thing or similar thing and can.

We're not going to be judged.

We're not judging because we're not perfect.

But yeah, I do think that I did go through a lot of friends in my 20s that aren't necessarily in my life today.

Now I actually have a couple.

Connie, Emmett, Love you.

Name drop.

I can't help it.

I just love some of these people so much and I don't talk to them every day, but they played significant roles in my life and I will never forget them for some of the things that they were there for me through.

But I guess what I'm saying is back to my 20s, I did go through a lot of friends that I think I just thought, oh, immediately we're going to be friends forever.

And it's not always like that.

Sometimes people.

Oh, sometimes people in your life just for a season.

I heard that recently.

Sometimes you're not meant to be friends with someone forever.

That.

Exactly.

Yeah.

I feel like you attract like you must attract because like, you're such a positive, like bright person and personality and help everyone that like, you must attract these people that also have these dot like deep, confined meaning, like.

Oh, yeah, what is the word?

I'm trying.

I attracted you.

I think that was technically our husbands.

Like, I don't know how we would have.

We wouldn't.

Our past wouldn't have crossed.

True.

If our husbands wouldn't have gotten.

If our husbands wouldn't have gotten together.

Sometimes I wonder if they should have been the ones.

No, just kidding.

They do have a pretty nice bromance going On.

They do.

They're adorable.

Yeah, it's true.

Our paths crossed because of that, but.

But I liked you immediately.

I liked you, too.

And we're actually fostering a friendship, right?

Yeah.

Like.

And I don't do that with everybody.

I feel like I don't have the time.

And sometimes I feel like this is gonna sound a little mean, but it's not meant to be.

Sometimes I feel like I'm so tired, I don't want any more friends.

So the fact that we are fostering a relationship is big.

Like, yes, you're right.

I am very selective about who I want to keep in my life because I have had some situations in the past where.

Yeah, those are off.

We've all.

I think maybe we've all had those.

I don't know.

I guess I am kind of introspective, so maybe I've overanalyzed my life,

as we all do at some point in different aspects.

But I don't know.

That's a very different.

I don't know.

We had opposite experiences.

I feel like.

Yeah, for sure.

For sure.

So it's nice to hear the side where you get to be selective and you get to the point where it's like, okay, people don't like me so much.

Just go, wait.

That sounded so bad.

I didn't mean it like that, but just go, wait.

I mean, I'm like that, too.

Even though, like, you know, sometimes I'll be sitting at home by myself.

I'm like, it might be nice to go have coffee with someone.

Like, I'm tired of sitting here.

It's been seven days.

But this not my last friend that I let into my life, but one of my very close friends.

Her name is Pyle.

She had to fight to be my.

I'm not lying.

I.

And it's not because I'm amazing.

It's not what I mean either.

It's because I was closed off, and I really thought.

I just didn't have the emotional energy to have a friend.

That's fair.

Yeah.

You should be able to feel like that.

Yeah.

And she was like, we will hang out, and we will.

And so I'm like, fine.

And so we hung out.

And then I even was like.

I even tried to kind of break up with her.

I was like, I think you're too young for me.

She's gonna die laughing when she hears this.

You did not.

I, for real did.

Oh, my God.

It's not you, it's me.

You're too young for me, bruh.

And then she's like, how old do you fucking think I am?

And I was like, I think you're like, 23.

And she was like, 29 or 30.

I don't remember.

But I was like, okay, I can't use that.

No, just kidding.

The truth is, like, once I let her in.

And sometimes, yeah, we think we step back and be selective, and I think that's a good thing.

But sometimes it's also good to remember we don't always know what's best for ourselves.

She has been amazing in my life.

No.

Yeah.

I'm so glad that she persisted.

My dumb ass.

You pushed me to hang out with you.

Did I?

And not because I didn't want to.

It's just because I'm like, oh, tell me when I don't, she's not gonna like me.

Um, I think I felt like you

wouldn't like me because you're young and cool and gorgeous and hip and.

Shut up.

Y' all came over for a dinner date because we hadn't seen each other in probably a year at that point.

It'd been a while.

Like, we used to not see each other that often.

And remember, Simon and Brett are best friends.

Are best friends.

Even though Brett will silent him for

a while, he will silent me if he has the chance.

And so Simon goes, no, Brett is coming over and I'm gonna try to like Melissa.

And we're having dinner.

He said, I'm gonna try.

Okay.

He probably didn't say me by then.

He probably did.

Oh, yeah, you did come to our wedding.

So, you know, bridges have been crossed at that point.

So I remember I was getting, like, really down because I'm a stay at home mom, and it just didn't feel like it was for me and postpartum depression and.

And I was like, Melissa said she wanted me, the baby.

I was like.

And she said she wanted to get together sometime.

So I didn't think you would call me.

And so then I was like, okay, well, I'll.

I'll see if Melissa wants to get together.

That's right.

You put yourself out there.

I did.

I did.

And it was very awkward for me.

I might have cried the night before.

I was like, simon, what if she doesn't like me?

Like, what if she doesn't show up?

What if I get.

What's it called when someone doesn't show up to a blind date?

Stood up.

I happened to me before.

Oh, no.

By like, a man or by a friend.

I was 17.

Okay, okay.

If we're going back that far, I sure have too.

By the same man twice.

Okay.

It's true.

Sometimes we don't know what we need.

Like me with pile.

Oh, I know what I need.

I just.

Not willing against it.

Okay.

Okay, Fair enough.

Oh, man.

Well, I mean, I guess so.

That.

I mean, in my case, it doesn't help my case because obviously I'm just not quite willing to do the work, though.

I'm at that point.

I am at the point where it's.

It's really just you and Courtney.

I.

And this is where the seizures have really been frustrating because I'm at this point where it's like I want to go out and do hobbies and meet friends and, and see where it goes.

And now I can't take myself anywhere and make those friends.

But.

But when I was doing, you know, my handy dandy Google searches, it was suggesting that ways to make friends when, you know, after school and when you're in your 30s and you find that you're ready for a new cycle of friends, then, like, you know, here's some things that you can do to meet them.

And of course, we talked about the apps, we talked about the social media groups and stuff, but like Melissa said, it also suggested finding a hobby.

Getting into that, my favorite one that I was really laughing at was go and meet your neighbors.

Oh, interesting.

Like, am I gonna ask for a cup of sugar?

You know, I feel like we don't

know our neighbors anymore.

I don't know, I thought that, you know, I thought that I would have all the friends in this neighborhood.

When we first moved here, I was like, oh, I might actually, like, have some mom friends in the neighborhood and we can like have wine nights and stuff and it might be really fun.

And then they.

I don't think they like me.

I feel like that one's a little tricky because you're not curating your own group.

You're just kind of like sticking with what's around you.

But you never know.

We hosted.

We hosted out of our own money and pocket a whole neighborhood get together and had like blow ups for the kids so that like the families could come over.

Like, we provided food, we had, we paid for like a blow up slide and pool.

And not, not too many people came over.

We.

We did enjoy everyone who did come over for the meet and greet and everyone who brought their kids.

And yeah, no one really kept up.

And I mean, the kids play with our.

We did try.

I did try.

And then our closest neighbor has kids that are the same exact age as all of our kids and I had high hopes that that would be my wine buddy, too, but no, not there yet.

Do you think you want to keep pursuing that one?

I think they don't like me.

Oh, but wait, you thought that.

I know.

I guess.

I think our lifestyles are vastly different.

I'm gonna give you a challenge for the week.

No.

Okay.

She said no.

I was gonna be like, invite her over for a glass of wine.

Go out of your comfort zone.

I don't know.

Well, we're telling you what you can do.

I got a fun story on why I'm saying no.

Okay.

Oh, are you allowed to share it?

I guess it was.

It was like a big fail.

It was like a big parenting fail that, like, I was so upset and cried, like, for hours over because I'm so upset.

So Thing three hadn't napped at all that day.

And so it's getting to the late evening, and then she just crashes and, like, fell asleep on.

On Simon's chest, you know, fully dressed shoes and everything.

And we, like, pick her up because we're like, oh, we should probably wake her.

But she stays asleep, and we're like, ah, man, this is an opportunity.

We can get some quiet time.

So the older Thing 1 and Thing 2 are at the neighbor's house playing.

And so we just quietly go and we lay Thing three in her bed, and then we tiptoe on over to the hot tub.

Have not left the house.

Thing two comes home from the neighbors, and apparently Thing three had woken up.

And so when Thing two comes home, she hears Thing three crying.

And they're very tight.

They are very close.

And she.

She doesn't look for us.

She doesn't look anywhere for us.

She comes in the house, maybe.

Are you.

She didn't even look in the house because you were in the hot tub.

She was in the house.

And I remember I had my.

I had German shepherd Ada with me outside while we were in the hot tub.

And I remember she.

She told me that someone was home in the house.

And so I. I looked at Simon.

I said, oh, think three's home.

And then I'm waiting, and I'm waiting and I'm waiting, and she never comes out.

And so then I start getting antsy, and I'm like, simon, can you check your phone, please?

And he goes, okay.

And I grab his phone, I give it to him, and there's, like, misstex.

Next missed calls from the neighbor.

Thing too.

Thought that we left the house without the baby.

Took the baby out of her crib and took her to the neighbor's house and said that we left them.

Oh, no.

And so I was so embarrassed.

And this happened not once?

Twice.

Not twice with the baby, though.

But twice she went over to their house crying, coming back to their house, saying that we left them.

And the second time was just because the garage door was shut.

She didn't even come in the house that time.

Oh, no.

And so I was so embarrassed.

Okay.

I was like, does your neighbor know how upset it made you?

No.

Of course.

Embarrassed.

Well, one time she did come over because there was like an incident with the neighborhood and utilities being crossed and stuff.

And she came over to ask a question.

I was like, okay, real awkward.

But.

But you are aware we'd never leave the house without her child.

And she goes, yes, I figured.

And I was like, okay, okay, okay.

Just making sure.

Okay, well, my takeaway is you are completely entitled to not want her to be your wine buddy anymore.

No, but I feel like if you did, if she offered, I would for sure do it.

I feel like maybe you're projecting a little on how much she doesn't like you.

Maybe she doesn't.

I'm projecting.

I'm projecting.

I think she could be projecting just a little, but I might be wrong.

Maybe she hates you.

That's what I thought.

That's what I thought.

I guess I'm just saying sometimes we get in our head.

Is that a sign?

Yeah, I told you.

That's also why I won't go over

and ask for a sugar.

No, it might actually just be a sign that you don't want to be her friend.

Not to be mean, but growing up, my parents had a lot of restrictions about who we were and weren't allowed to play with.

But it's because my parents were a little too extra.

Too strict.

Yeah, I mean.

But in this day of time, though, you do have to be very worrisome about.

You don't really know the parents that your kids are going over to play with.

Really dumb.

She could easily get to know you.

You're her next door neighbor.

That is true.

In conclusion, are we concluding yet if

you are struggling to make friends, there are ways to do it.

And you should.

You should go and join a hobby.

I really want to join a hobby.

I want to go to a paint class and I want to learn different mediums of art.

That would be a lot of fun.

I want to do dancing.

I want to go to dance classes.

Maybe.

I used to love line dancing.

Going to line dancing again would be really fun.

And that's a really fun way to meet friends.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So leave comments.

Tell us, tell us kind of your experiences.

What are you guys going through?

Are you feel like your friend meter is full?

Are you feeling you want to meet more people?

That's a great way to word it.

Is your friend meter full or is it running low?

Thank you.

It's like a love tank.

Aw, I like that too.

That's really cool.

So, yeah, just like.

Because I really do want this.

Like we say it every episode, but I'm very serious.

This is a community that we're trying to build of non judgment and love and support.

And maybe you can be our friend.

That if you want to be, we would love it.

But also maybe like you'll meet somebody in our little community.

Well, maybe you can meet my friend because Melissa's meter is full.

My meter is really full.

I'll be your friend.

It would make me feel good, like we did something today.

It would make me feel very happy.

I could see you guys on social media talking to each other and maybe

even like getting together, being vulnerable and people being kind in return.

That it takes nothing to be kind.

Nothing.

Nothing.

And so next time on our next show, we will be having Lola.

And she is the creator of a group called not yout Mama's Group.

And she has cultivated this group for moms where there is a no tolerance policy for rudeness.

This.

Won't you get blocked if you are rude to somebody who posts a question like that?

Yes.

If you don't have anything nice to

say, you're allowed to post controversial things.

Oh, yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Did I say that right?

Yeah.

Oh, yes.

Oh, I had another thought, but I wanted to add it in somewhere.

I want it.

I think that if y' all are interested, I think that if.

If there's enough of us that are local, I think we could have our own hangout.

Oh, that's such a good idea.

We could brunch.

A brunch.

Link up.

Brunch up.

A brunch up.

We just made up a new thing.

A brunch up.

Girls.

Yes.

I think join our page.

Like our page.

Let's see if there's a bunch of us that are local and let's have a brunch up.

That'd be fun.

Well, join us next time to meet Lola.

And we will continue to post for your Monday mornings at 5am and we look forward to meeting you.

We do.

Join us again next time.

Peace.

Peace and love.

Peace and love.

Okay, hippie,

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