Seema: I'm quite independent. And I don't like depending on people. I just wanted to have my own freedom back.

When Seema Flower was growing up, her dad was a car mechanic. He owned a garage, where he would buy and sell cars.

Seema: So basically I would always, you know, pretend to – I would get into the cars and pretend to drive somewhere.

Little Seema would put her hands on the steering wheel and imagine all the places she could go.

Seema: My passion was being able to drive, you know, I always thought when I grew up, I'll have a car, I'll be able to stop at the petrol station, I’ll go and stop and get some shopping. So I used to roleplay all this sort of stuff when I was about 6, 7, 8.

As a child, Seema had around 25 to 35% of her vision.

Seema: I was able to do a lot of things myself. I think when my sisters would probably help me is maybe if I had to do a bit of ironing, or I need to sew a hem up for a skirt, or something like that, where it needs a bit more detail.

Seema is the fourth of five daughters. It was a loving, close-knit family. The girls would go swimming together and hang out in the park eating ice cream.

Seema: Before my diagnosis, I think my life was pretty carefree to an extent because I didn't know that my life would have so many limitations coming forward if I looked into a crystal ball. You know, it was just pretty straightforward.

But when Seema was nine, her parents decided to take her to the doctor.

Seema: Probably was a catalogue of events, about, you know, not being able to play contact sports, not having a high hand to eye coordination, peripheral vision being limited, tripping over things, so not seeing things that are on the floor, you know, because that's my peripheral vision. And my field of vision was very limited. And also, I think, if I remember night blindness, you know, not being able to see in the dark.

The doctor referred them to a specialist. On the afternoon of the appointment, Seema and her mum and dad got the train into London. At the eye hospital, they were led into a brightly lit room.

Seema: We had the picture of the eye chart up and then, you know, got the desk for the specialist to sit behind. And then we were sitting on the other side, and then he would check my eyes, and, you know, do the various tests that he needed to do. I could read 1, 2 probably 3 lines, or maybe four lines or something on that chart at that time.

Afterwards, the consultant bluntly delivered the news.

Seema: And he just said basically, you're going to go blind. {long pause} You will go blind. That's it.

The consultant was insensitive, harsh almost. Her parents were devastated. They might have tried to ask a few questions… Seema isn’t sure.

Seema: But all I remember is, it wasn't very, very nice. It wasn't a very nice, empathetic or sympathetic environment to be in.

The cause of Seema’s limited vision was a condition called retinitis pigmentosa, a group of rare genetic disorders that lead to loss of cells in the retina; that’s the light-sensitive tissue that lines the back of the eye.

Seema: It was quite shock… quite shocking. I think quite, quite numbing. Panic, I think, is what I felt, panic. I felt that my world had sort of been shattered. And I think for me, the realisation of the fact that I'm never going to be able to drive was a real I don’t know, a killer. I don't think at that time, there was anything else that was more important to me. And from there on in, my life changed on many, many fronts.

Up until that point, Seema had been going to mainstream school. After the diagnosis, she went to a school for people who are blind and living with sight loss.

Seema: And the school was a really, really good place for me to go to simply because everybody at law school was in the same boat. And, you know, if we wanted things in large print, or we needed them in Braille, or whatever it was, you had accessible information there. We were all taught to touch type, you know, we were taught, I think, grade two Braille. So from that point of view, it was really advantageous. But from a social point of view, I didn't have any school, any friends near to my house at all,

Seema had been bullied about her sight while she was in the mainstream school – it made her feel insecure. So being at the new school was a relief.

Seema: For me, it was a, it was a very sheltered environment. It was very safe place to be. So my best times were at school, we used to have such a laugh, it was wonderful.

Seema bagged the role of Mary in the school nativity. She wrote a poem and read it out for 500 people when the TV presenter Anna Ford paid a visit to the school. She had a kind, supportive teacher who bumped her up a class and boosted her self-esteem.

Seema has lots of happy memories from school. Despite this… it wasn’t easy to come to terms with the diagnosis. She went through stages dealing with the loss – a bit like grief.

Seema: The anger was where, you know, it was me thinking, Why me? Why did it happen to me, you know, why is it I've been given this eye condition. And then the denial stage is where you’re wanting to be like everybody else; you don't want to be labelled, you want to be the same somebody else. And, you know, it's very, very difficult going through adolescence, as it is, and then to have a label, as well, with a disability, with a vision impairment, and go to a special school, it's quite difficult to handle those things. And then you just, you know, when you're at that school is okay, you can be visually impaired, but then you need to go shopping with your friends on the weekends, or you go out with your family, you know, you can just pretend to be in quotes normal, you don't have to tell everybody that you have vision impairment, because they don't need to know.

Seema’s feelings of denial continued into early adulthood.

Seema: I didn't accept it for a long time. It was a real battle. I went through a real journey with it all in terms of denial. Probably to my early 20s. Because I was able to get away with not being able to tell people I have a visual impairment. And whilst I could keep up that pretence, I did.

Seema got a job at a fast food restaurant, but decided not to tell them about the extent of her sight loss.

Seema: There were so many jobs that I couldn't do in that actual place, so I couldn't use the till, for example. I couldn’t work in the kitchen cos it’d be dangerous. I couldn't work on the tills because I couldn't see the tills. So front house basically, cleaning away, tidying things away, sweeping up, etc, etc, which is quite visually stressful as well. But I remember one time I'd chucked someone's food out, they just want to get something. And I just thought they'd finished, I just chucked their food out.

That job didn’t last very long. After school, Seema went to college to study for a diploma in business and finance.

Seema: Once I'd finished that, I then want to do some work. And I deliberately took temp jobs, where they were things that required me not to be able to see so much. So it'd be things like switchboard operating or reception work. Or telephony. Something that didn't require any attention to detail.

Outside of work, Seema would try to avoid letting people know about her vision.

Seema: I remember being at Paddington.

She went to ask the station guard when the next train would be.

Seema: He took me by the arm, and he pointed up to the board. And he said, Look up there, he said, Can you see that? I said, No, I cant! He just had a baffled look on his face. And he couldn't work out why I couldn't see it.

Seema decided to just thank the guy and walk off.

Seema: It depends what sort of day you’re having and how you’ re actually going to treat this because some days you can laugh it off and have a bit of a laugh about it. But some days, it can ruin your whole day. And you can be extremely mega pissed off about the whole situation. And that can then spiral your whole day down.

As she got older, Seema’s vision decreased (it’s now around 2%). It took more and more energy to keep up the pretence of being a sighted person. She resisted using a cane for many years.

Seema: I fought that for a long time. I did not want to use that long cane come hell or high water. It would have been over my dead body. And I remember the first time I pulled that out and my husband said to me, try this out in New York, Times Square. He said no one knows you here. And I used it and it was brilliant. But to use it back in London, it took me a lot longer to actually start using it.

In fact, Seema’s confidence dwindled dramatically. She began leaving the house less and less.

Seema: I didn't go outside, because I felt very vulnerable. I wasn't ready to go out on my own. I felt really vulnerable. I felt really scared. I didn't have the guts to do it, because I was scared. The honest… the honest truth is I was really, really scared.

This went on for years. Then, the pandemic happened. And like everyone else, Seema was forced to stay at home – isolated alongside her husband and young daughter.

Seema: The thing is when you have a disability, you have so many restrictions already. When COVID-19 hit, basically, it made life much more difficult for people who are vulnerable and disabled. It exacerbated the situation of people, people like myself. And I just found… I found that really, really quite… I don't know, it was too much, you know, too much of being boxed in.

After months and months of being stuck inside, Seema reached breaking point. She’d had enough.

Seema: I was sick and tired. Really, really stressed out and frustrated. I just wanted to have my own freedom back.

In the grim days of November 2020, Seema decided to call a guide dogs charity.

Seema: And I said to them, Look, I actually need some help. Okay, I need to get out on to get out my house, I need to get out. Because if I don't, I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown, because I can't stand being locked up.

A mobility officer called Dan came out to visit Seema and did an assessment. He told her that in order to get a guide dog, Seema would have to improve her skills with the long cane. That was the motivation she needed.

Seema: I used to go for a walk religiously. Every day of the week I went for a walk, you know, keep my skills up. And it was really cold winter, but I still went, it was raining, I still went.

And within six weeks, I was able to go down to the local shop, my local Co Op, I was able to go to the rec ground where I could do like a three mile walk, round the circuit to get my fitness levels up.

Soon enough Seema was able to get the bus into her local town. She remembers the first day she went to a coffee shop alone.

Seema: Actually find Costa, which is down the road, open the door myself, go to the counter, ask for a drink, pay for the drink myself. Then, you know, locate a table or get - sit down and sit down have a coffee on my own. It was the best feeling I'd ever had in my life for such a long time because I had a real sense of accomplishment. You know, I've done it on my own.

If Seema hadn’t made the call to the charity that day, she might still be relying on her family or support workers to get out and about.

Seema: It was a turning point in my life, to make that phone call, and to be able to get out on my own. And to actually realise, actually, you know, what, there's a life outside my front door, there's people outside my front door, I've got to know the community.

Seema began to look at her life in a new light. She started practising yoga and mindfulness. The mobility support staff helped her see that when you live with sight loss, you use more energy, and get tired more quickly.

Seema: And because I'm just used to doing that all the time. I don't recognise that so I don't stop. I just carry on, keep going, keep going, keep going. Because I set my standards quite high, I’m quite tough on myself. I have high expectations. So it's made me force myself to slow down and actually realised what's really important. Do I want to be running around aimlessly trying to do lots and lots of jobs and then be… be dead in a short while, or do you want to slow things down, enjoy my quality of life and prioritise things?

Seema’s perspective got another shift last year, when her aunt sadly passed away. Shortly afterwards, her brother-in-law had triple bypass surgery.

Seema: You know I kept thinking that, you know, we only have one life. There aren't any repeats in this, there are no rehearsals. So you've got to make the most of what you've got.

Seema’s world opened up. She was elected as a local councillor in May 2021. She was named one of the Shaw Trust’s Disability Power 100, which celebrates influential people with disabilities.

Seema also launched an organisation called Blind Ambition. It’s a disability training consultancy.

Seema: At the moment we’re working on an employment project in collaboration with the RNIB. And my sort of passion at the moment is to try and to get get people back into work, or give them like a skill set, or to have the tools to be able to get back into work

I want people without disabilities to see those with disabilities just as a person. Yes, that person is going to have additional needs, they may have a different way of actually doing things. They might have different ways of accessing information or moving or listening or seeing or whatever. But first and foremost, they must see that person as an equal human being to themselves and not make any judgments about them and not make any assumptions, you know, and don't you know not to think that you know what's best for them because you don't.

Seema is no stranger to people making assumptions about her and the way she lives.

Seema: I met up with a friend of mine, about five or six weeks ago. I hadn't seen them for 25 years. This was someone I went to school with. And you know, she said to me, oh she was really sad about the amount of sight I'd lost. It made her really, really sad. And I said, and I said to her, Look, don't be sad, you know, it doesn't matter. It's just, it's one of those things, it’s happened. For me, I've just got to get on with this now. And she said, you know, she sort of said oh well i think you’re amazing. And I said, well, people say that about blind people or is someone who's slightly disadvantaged in any sort of aspect, but I think with the person who's actually going through it, they have to just learn coping strategies.

And that’s why, you know, I embrace life. When people say to me, you're amazing, no I'm not amazing. I'm just living my life. You know, I'm just making the most of what I've got.

Alex: Listening to Seema’s struggles to adapt to her sight loss was a moving experience. Not wanting to be labelled and not wanting to accept the reality of her situation, Seema made life more difficult by trying to hide her condition. This speaks to the wider pressures created by society. The norm is assumed to be universal. And unless someone is explicit in their disability, their challenges will neither be recognised nor acknowledged. Lockdown helped inspire Seema to regain her dwindling independence. She realised that losing her sight did not mean that she needed to lose her place in the outside world. Through grit and determination, she has regained her freedom. And she is now doing vital work to open up opportunities for others who have lost their sight. Blind Ambition is an apt title for her charity because ambition does not exclusively belong to those who have sight. It is a human quality which, when channelled in the right direction, can change the world for the better.