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tomorrow's don't wait for your wakeup call

Welcome back to the don't wait for your wake up call podcast. I

am Melissa. dealey your host and so happy you are joining us here

today. Today I have another wonderful guest with me loose

compania welcome Luce. so wonderful to have you.

Thank you so much for having me, Melissa.

I'm excited to have you and this where this

podcast is coming out in February, the month of love, and

it's so perfect to have you here talking on that topic. So just

to introduce you a little bit. Luce is a leadership and life

coach based in Vancouver, BC, she is available to coach

clients from anywhere via zoom in English or French, with a

background in business management loose has been

coaching teams for over two decades, she joined the coactive

Institute in 2020, eager to gain additional skills and enable her

teams to access their full potential. Gradually, her focus

shifted toward individual coaching. And she launched her

own practice in the spring of 2021, as a coach loose brings

the latest tools along with a blend of emotional intelligence,

his insight and life experience to build a unique partnership

with each client. So that's a little bit of an introduction to

loose but loose, I really want you to share who you are, and

how you came to be in this line of work?

Well, um, so I've been a business manager in the field

of retail for about 20 years. So I work with people a lot. So

leadership is my jam, I work with people, I'm a connector,

I'm a connector, and I'm a teacher. And and I just love to

connect with people. And then with time, you know, coming

through, you know, challenges and leadership, I got to get

really curious about how people work, what makes them tick. And

then, you know, started reading books and doing seminars and

different things. And I got increasingly more curious and

wanting to get additional skills. And that's where

coaching found me or I found coaching. And that's how things

have shifted. And I think that makes me a much better leader as

well.

Absolutely. And so there is always that bit of a

journey that gets us to where we are right. And it's also a never

ending ending journey where you're at today is gonna run

another year from now, right? And when we're open, open to

that learning, then we continue to grow. So I love that. And

just on that note, do you have a specific niche in your coaching

that you focus on?

Yeah, I tend so far in my practice, I tend to coach

people in midlife or in transitions of soar. And they're

always clients that want to get curious about their own process,

their internal landscape, often they don't, they don't have much

knowledge of that they're not they haven't been very

conscious. And they're curious about why they keep repeating

experiences or how they're reacting. They just want to get

curious and they want to have somebody on the journey. There's

always a leadership lens, whether they're organizational

leaders that want to have a better connection with their

team, or a better connection to themselves on their personal

journey. We applied that leadership lens to where they

want to go find out where they want to go, what the vision is,

and set goals to go there. That's what we do. I love

that. And that is really powerful. And you make

a good point there that sometimes people just aren't

aware of their internal landscape. Right. And I've

experienced that myself when I look back and when I was in the

corporate world, you know, I was just busy doing my job. I loved

my job. But I was busy doing my job and because I loved it, I

was happy I didn't you know, look inside. I didn't at the

time have a need. I didn't have the conscious thought I didn't

think about it. You know, what's going on inside of me? And can I

be a better person, etc, etc, by, you know, figuring myself

out and who I am and what I'm supposed to be doing on this

earth, right? And, yes,

I was just gonna say it's very often when we come

to a crossroads that we start to figure that out. And for me, it

was, you know, being let go after 24 years in the corporate

world. And what was also really interesting was, in that time of

now starting to, you know, grow myself and look at my internal

landscape. I love that term that you've used. I looked back, and

I realized that I naturally had it as a younger child. Yeah. You

know, I lost my father at 13. And when I look back at going

through that whole period, I realized that I had access to my

internal self at that time, and getting into the corporate

world, I think that go go go Do do do get more done. philosophy

or culture, just pushed it out of me. I didn't have time

anymore. And I think also where many people end up, right.

Yeah. Is that like you said, it takes that that

crossroad, and that's why Usually people are in some sort

of transition. It could be the end of a relationship or this

this sort of pandemic malaise that is so prevalent right now,

or career transition, and people in midlife can relate to, you

know, what my path has been? And then we get to talk about

midlife awakening together.

Yeah. And and there's so many different stages

of those awakenings through midlife, right? One of them that

I'm very aware of where women need help is that empty nester,

right, they've looked after their children for so long. And

now the children have flown the coop. And it's like, now what do

I do? Who am I? Right? And I have to say that I'm very

grateful for my journey over the last seven years, because it's

allowed me to develop into who I am today with this business,

helping people get to the root cause of their health issue,

while my children have also become adults, and been away at

university. And so I'm not in that place of who am I, but I

might have been right. And then. So you know, helping people

through those transitions is really, really important. So as

I said earlier, this episode is coming out in the month of

February, the month of love. And I would love you to talk about

what is self love?

Oh, where to begin?

I know. But in February, we often think about

romantic love. But let's also talk about self love. Because,

yeah, and let's name that in order to attract and

maintain love with others. It starts with ourselves, the

relationship we have with ourselves is the template for

the way that we see the world and the way we interact with the

world. So self love, and trying to be concise. Self love would

have to be the regard that you have towards yourself, is it a

high regard poor regard from that stems, self esteem,

probably self confidence, self worth, you know, the ability to

have compassion and kindness towards yourself. Those are all

embedded under that self love. Self love is not about liking

necessarily the way you look. It's about how do I treat myself

anyway, there's a lot there, but it informs the way you view the

world is the world out to get you. Right? We're always the

last to to to get noticed or like you know, you're always the

victim or thrice. That's right, or do you even deserve love? Or

do you push it away before you even get it? Anyway? There's a

lot of behavioral things that stem from that. But it's our

template. It's the relationship with ourselves. Yeah,

themselves.

And so how do we, how do we develop it? If

we're listening to this podcast? And we're thinking, maybe I

don't really have a lot of self love for myself? How does one

develop that?

Well, we have to get curious. First of all, I would

say, as the leader that I am, we have to assess what's there.

What is our self love capital right now? What's it up? You

know, think of a bank account, how much do I have there of self

love? Because if I don't have very much, I'm going to have

behaviors that look for that self love externally. So being

able to assess our capital of self love is the first step in

my opinion. Again, I'm not a researcher. I'm not a

psychologist, but that has been on my path, learning to live you

know what a self love deficit and noticing the behaviors

attached do that, right and choosing again, from a conscious

place. So get curious about the way you treat yourself. The way

you let yourself talk about yourself, you know, like this

inner dialogue, this inner critique to get my

audience is her if, if they've listened to my

podcast since the beginning, they've heard me talk about that

a lot. It's right. I am my own worst critic.

Right. And I know they can be our best friend

when it's keeping us safe from stepping in front of a bus, but

our worst enemy when it's critiquing ourselves, right,

that's right. So just getting curious in just noticing

how we treat ourselves, do we feed ourselves properly? That's

right up our alley. Right? If I loved myself, that's the

question. That's how I would assess. If I love myself truly,

deeply supporting myself, would I allow myself to speak to

myself like that? Or would I stay up until three in the

morning when I work in the morning? You know, watching TV,

would I treat myself like this, if I really loved and supported

myself and accepted myself for who I am? flaws and all. And

that is usually that's, that's why working with a coach helps

because somebody can pick right through our stories. But But

yeah, we have to get curious because there are telltale

signs. Yes.

And I agree that working with a coach is so

important, because they're seeing they have an unbiased

view from the outside. You're so used to the way you live the

actions you take, and you've already justified all of them to

yourself.

Yeah, right. Oh, yeah.

So it's very hard to do this alone. Yeah, and

it will take a lot longer. So I definitely recommend if there's,

you know, somebody listening and going, maybe myself capital

sounds a little bit low, because I'm not getting to bed on time,

and I'm not feeding myself properly. And just really not

looking after myself, I highly recommend working with a coach,

because that's going to be the quickest point for you to find

that place of self love, with far less struggle than trying to

do it all on your own.

And I want to name that living with a self love deficit

is really painful. It really is painful, and it changes the way

that we see ourselves in the world. So are we going to bet on

ourselves? Can I trust myself? Um, can I do I feel worthy of

having a fulfilling relationship, but is that it's

for the for the

YouTube viewers, I have a little disc here that

says I bet on me, and this is actually from my business coach,

because I believe that all coaches need coaches to Yeah,

oh, yeah, we do. As you said, Do I bet on myself, right?

Yeah, those I mean, I could I could give you 10

examples right now. But the way that we live ourselves is really

indicative of what we think deep down about ourselves. And how do

we cope with a chronic lack of self love and self worth is I

would say probably two main direction, we can either wear a

mask and not be vulnerable, just pretend that everything's okay.

And just plow through the crowd as if we're confident and

assured and just kind of hide this deep shame. Or, or we can

rely on other people, then external validation, you know,

performance at work, getting love from other people getting

notice and all this validation piece looking for attention.

And, well, yeah, external pursuits, whether it's in the

doing or in the being, we rely on external sources to give us

that because we don't have it. And that leads to control

issues. Because if we constantly have to manage our external

circumstances, to make sure that our need for love and belonging

is met. That's it. That's a full time job. And then when we don't

have it, we get super anxious because we have this deficit,

this void that we can feel when we pay enough attention. And

ultimately, that's can lead to addiction as well addictive

behaviors, to numb that feeling of unease. Deep

unease. Mm hmm. And so often, we do squash those

emotions down and buried, right? That's a little bit of a

societal thing. So again, if you're listening and you're

going Oh, my goodness, this is me. It's it's not your fault.

How many times have as a young child were you told, you know,

stop crying, you know, be Girls Don't Cry or boys don't cry or

whatever. It was right when that emotional release was happening,

and so you learned that releasing your emotion was bad.

I learned that you had to suck it up and keep it all inside.

But yeah, you know, with all that we know today we know how

detrimental that is to our emotional and our physical

health. You know, I work with people with detoxing, and when

they're detoxing very often those emotions start to come

out. And I say, let it out. It wants to come out, right? Yeah.

So, you know, it's not your fault. If you're sitting here

resonating with this podcast, it's, but what's great is now

that you have this information, what do you choose to do in

terms of taking action? Right? So I love that you're talking

about self love capital, and that assessment for it, that you

do. Talk to me about then committing to self love. And,

you know, maintaining that capital, once you've built it,

it's a daily practice Milissa. It's a daily in my

experience, anyway, it's a daily practice. Because if our

original programming our if our default, default programming is

towards self loathing, and not really thinking too highly of

ourselves. That's, that's, that's the default mode. So then

committing and to answer your previous question, how do we get

more of this? In my experience, mood follows action. Those are

not my words, I picked that out there. And there's just so much

about self love out there. So I don't pretend I have all the

answers. But what works for me is mood follows action. In which

way am I going to show up for myself today. And that starts

when I wake up in the morning, and I have a chicken with

myself, I have a vision for the day, what I'm hoping to get out

of today, what sort of energy I'm in and being respectful of

that, not pretend that the discomfort and the anxiety

doesn't exist, just say, Yeah, you're anxious, you're going to

be speaking on a podcast, and you really want to do well,

well, we're going to acknowledge that, you know, that just having

some kindness, and just showing up in actions that are that are

healthy. So just being really intentional about showing up for

yourself, whatever that means for you. But self care is a big

one. How do you treat yourself, your health, your body, your

relationships, people you care about? How do you want to be a

good human is that important to you, then go do more of that

have some pride for what you do in your life, you know, those

life affirming things that we do, that is an investment into

yourself love capital, because every time you do something that

if that's an alignment, you get a reward out of it. And that

builds a positive cycle of doing more of what fuels you. But for

that, we have to have a contact with, again, our emotional life

or internal landscape. But when we hit those things, like I'm

really proud of that I, whatever the action is, we want to do

more of it. And we start feeling better about ourselves and

having agency and confidence that we can do, what good things

are, we can look after ourselves, or we can make

positive choices. But initially, I think it requires an effort if

you've been going to take an example in a downward spiral of

anxiety. Mm hmm. Moving out of, of that state of anxiety is

hard. It's going to take an effort. So I have to remind

myself personally, mood follows action. I want to feel engaged

and dynamic today. Well, I'm going to go for a walk, and that

is an effort, or whatever, call a friend or whatever that might

be for you. But then creating these things that are going to

make you feel proud and engaged.

Yeah, yeah, I think those are all really, you

know, wonderful points. And, again, my audience has heard me

say this a million times. But self care is the most selfless

act, because it allows you to show up and give the world the

best of you, instead of what's left of you. Yeah, to your

point. It isn't always easy. And maybe the mood isn't suggesting

that you should be doing that you're just feeling really lazy

and like doing nothing. But if you will step into the action,

you can actually then move your mood into a higher energy level

and feel better, right? And nobody can do that for you. You

have to choose to do it for yourself.

Yeah, we have to take responsibility for our well

being and I understand, especially with mental health

right now, I see a lot of that still two years into this

pandemic is sort of malaise that people have been stuck in a rut

and they're not getting this external stimulation that they

used to get and then some people are very, I've been really

uncomfortable with themselves. And I can see that that creates

a lot of things Anxiety and a lot of depression. And once that

is kicked in into, once that's playing out, it's really

difficult. All we see is the roadblock. We have in order to

generate this initial movement, we have to be able to look

beyond the roadblock. You know, what would that look like? What

would that give me? How good is that gonna make me feel? Can I

invest his initial time to get ready or whatever slip into

action is so uncomfortable if you don't want to? But what is

that going to give me and you have to invest into your future

self, just like my example earlier, you can stay and numb

yourself out watching Netflix until 3am. But what does that

doing to your future self in the morning, when you have to be at

work, you're not setting up your future self for success

succeeding. So going to bed a little bit earlier might be a

good way to set up your future self, or to do meal prep. If

making lunches is a drag for you doing meal prep is an investment

into your future self. And this, you know, seemingly very mundane

things they actually add up,

they absolutely do add up. And when you take the

time to put these steps into place, then you're getting that

reward you were talking about earlier of accomplishment. And

also just feeling good about yourself, right? That's right.

And then that motivates you to keep going. And you may fall off

along the way, right, it could be two steps forward, one step

back. But as long as you keep going forward, even after the

step back, you're further ahead than if you do nothing. And

let's face it, if you're that person that's in malaise and

lying on the couch watching Netflix, you're not happy with

your life and you're not, you know, you're not feeling self

love for yourself. Well,

if you choose to do nothing,

nothing changes. And that's where you'll be a

year from now. Yeah. Right. So right, making a choice to step

into, even if I don't love myself, today, I'm going to

learn how to love myself, by taking these steps that starts

you moving forward, that raises your energy. And that's

powerful. Because right there, you can start to get some

feedback. And I think another piece in all of this that's

really important is the increased awareness you start to

have around how you're feeling in any given moment, again, so

often, in that busy gogogo doo doo world, we're not even

stepping in stopping to check in with ourselves. And so we don't

have a true awareness of how we're feeling in any given

moment. But when we slow down, and we do these little check

ins, that's when we can start to go, Oh, I've got this going on

inside of me or, you know, I'm waking up feeling a little bit

anxious. And that's okay. It's because I want to do well, it's

here. It's, it's, you know, my brain wanting me to do well, I'm

going to acknowledge it and keep going with my day as opposed to

letting it cripple me.

Yes, well, again, and that ties it into having a

growth mindset. And then the self forgiveness again, that's a

byproduct of self, you know, self love. You have to love

yourself enough to forgive yourself. If you if you stutter

in front of a crowd, or if you whatever it might be, can we

forgive even having thoughts? Or having anxiety? can I forgive

myself for having this anxiety, this performance anxiety? And

can I be okay with not being perfect? And you know, and just

can I be okay that I'm not there yet that I want to love myself

and I really don't today? Yeah, I can be okay with that. That is

a sign of self love. It's a little tiny dose of it. But

yeah, to be real, that's Sunday's, you're not going to

love yourself very much. And it's okay, there's going to be

ebbs and flow, but every time you accept yourself anyway, that

is a little drop of self love in your capital.

If you're enjoying my content, and someone

that wants to step into being proactive in your health and

learning more, I would love to invite you to join my membership

community. There's a link in the show notes for only 1999 a month

you get access to all of my content, and there's a lot as

well as weekly calls that you can come and get your health

questions answered.

It's truly priceless.

I'd love to see you join the community.

Check out the link in the show notes.

Hello, love that. And I also like what you said there about

accepting yourself as not being perfect. I always tell my

clients were humans Humans just aren't perfect, right? So in

trying to strive for the impossible, how, how can you do

that when no one else has been perfect before, right? So we can

strive to do our best. But recognize that we don't have to

get stuck on being perfect. Because Done is better than

perfect. And that was something that when I first heard that,

that was a huge lightbulb moment for me. Oh, dad is better than

perfect, okay. And you know, just the other day, I sent out

an email and the link to one of the buttons didn't work. And

somebody wrote and told me that, and I tested all of them. Like,

I always send a test email, I swear, I clicked on it, and it

worked. But it didn't work when it went out. And I could beat

myself up over it. Or I could be like, Okay, thanks for letting

me know, I want people to be able to, you know, click that

button and actually get somewhere. So I just sent

another email that said, oops, the link didn't work. And what's

really funny about that is human nature, they always want to know

what the oops was. So more people open the oops email than

the original email, which means more people got the right link.

So maybe it was my way,

I can see that you have like a reasonable reasonable

amount of self love anyway, like a good capital somebody with

with a really, like a big deficit in their self love, that

could have been super stressful for them, they could have really

made let that inner critic go into, such as true of I can

never get anything, right. I'm never gonna be able to have a

coaching practice, if I can't even send an email or whatever,

and just go into super harsh, you know, inner dialogue. And

that's that self love piece that we have to be able to say off,

that's disappointing. I really am disappointed that I made that

mistake. You know, even at the beginning of your practice of

your self love practice to say, well, that's really

disappointing, you know, like to it's it to acknowledge the

emotion, just say, Yeah, I'm feeling a little bit of shame.

Oh, what is that emotion? Okay, that's shame. Well, I accept you

shame. And I hope down the road, you're not being triggered by

trivial things like that, but I will move forward and make and

then, you know, I heard your growth mindset right there,

actually, there was a silver lining in there, I got more

people to click on the link. So you know, but that is done with

practice, you know, and at the beginning, even if it's just to

forgive yourself for making a mistake, and accepting yourself

with a, you know, in my case, I would say being not really tech

savvy, or whatever it might be. And accepting yourself anyway.

That's, that's a good first step.

Yeah, so I appreciate that. And it's

definitely something I've worked on in the last seven years since

I've been in the corporate world because like I said, it was kind

of beaten out of me and then I in my, you know, journey to

where I'm at today, it's definitely been a focus of, you

know, even learning self care was selfless was a huge aha for

me seven years ago. It's like, what? Yeah, it is a journey, it

takes time. So let's just talk about the signs of healthy,

healthy capital. So people that

see body posture changes, capital, self love, it

breeds like ease, and a better flow, lack of self love feels

constricted, when you love yourself, and you genuinely

thinks you have a place in the world, you know, it just breeds

some some more lightness, ease, authenticity. If you're not

afraid of showing up with mistakes or imperfections, you

don't have to hide behind a mask. So then you're authentic,

you can show up authentically with people and in leadership

that makes any coaching and anything really makes a huge

difference to be able to show authentically and so from that

authenticity comes connection way deeper connection by genuine

connection with people. So from that comes you know, fulfillment

belonging and also when you give yourself the benefit of the

doubt again, it's that template idea that the raw relationship

with our self is our template. When you give yourself the

benefit of the doubt, like you know, and just acknowledge

effort and acknowledge participation then you're more

likely to to do that to other people. So then it makes

relationship with people a lot smoother, we're not as reactive

to people we have more resilience into oh, this person

was really dialed or you get cut in traffic like oh, wow, they

must have been you know, they have places to go but that's

okay. It doesn't have to say that they're attacking me I

don't feel reactive towards that person because love and support

myself anyway, you know, that is not going to get me all riled

up. So we just become more tolerant. Yeah, more resilience

overall and accepting of others.

I love that. Because all of that then flows

into just a place of coming from love. You've got yourself love.

And so in that resilience and acceptance of others, and is

more love for others as well.

Right? Yeah, think about the generosity and the

kindness, you know, opening the doors to strangers, like I mean,

to just visit the ripple effect of somebody that is well, and at

ease with themselves. The ripple effect is massive.

Absolutely, absolutely. I love that. And so

from a foundation of self love, we then have what it takes to

embrace your gifts. So let's talk more about that.

Well do to appreciate your gift. Well, you have you

have to to know yourself, first of all, you have to, you have to

know how you work, what are your gifts, and then to see to see

the good side of it and to love yourself enough that you can see

for what they are. Because sometimes you'll give a

compliment to somebody Oh, you're so good at public

speaking, for example, and you're like, oh, no, I just

lucked out or no, it's just because I had a good night's

sleep. I'm not very good. They don't even take it in. Right. So

they don't acknowledge their gifts. By doing that. They just

push it away getting compliments, isn't it?

It's really interesting that you say that,

because that's something I'm working on right now is the act

of receiving. Right? Yeah, it was when I was growing up. My

mother always said it's better to give than receive, right? So

I always thought giving was good. And receiving was that

let's just face it. That young child the way we process things,

and then it goes into our subconscious. That's how I

simplified it. Yeah. So now as an adult, I'm actually having to

learn to receive, right. And so many adults are in this

situation, right? Yeah, that you fall off complements. And, and

so now it's a conscious thought that if someone complements me

that I'm just going to say thank you. I don't have to compliment

them back. This isn't a tit for tat thing going on, which is

what I used to think before, right? And then I can just say

thank you. And depending who it is, I can say thank you, I'm,

I'm receiving that, or in my head. I'm saying that because

that too is a practice. Right? It's radical, habit.

Radical ownership, take ownership for all that you are

flaws in all but if you have talents, have the enough love

and kindness towards yourself to be able to realize that you have

a knack at something. Right. So then when it's pointed out to

you, you can say yeah, actually, I really like public speaking.

Oh, I'm glad that you liked it or whatever. You know, but But

you know, some people absolutely have to brush it away.

Yeah. So tell me I mean, this is a question that

just came into mind that I'm going to throw out to you that

tell me what your favorite part is about working with your

clients in helping them develop their self love,

is the discoveries that they have right there. You know,

like, because we can be because I get curious. And I will ask

questions, and then they don't know, they'll tell me something,

whatever they do. And then I'm like, Ah, what's that about?

Tell me more about that. And then they go in the knee.

Sometimes they surprise themselves like, oh, you know,

and they just kind of connect the dots. And I can see it. I'm

like, what, what just happened there? There's a shift there. I

saw shift. And they've been connecting the dots right there.

I just love that.

That's awesome. I love it. You just gave me

goosebumps head to toe because that's the best kind of

coaching, right is drawing that out of Somalia. What was it? But

they just didn't know because they were stuck in their habit.

Just like I was stuck in my habit of I should give but not

receive. Right?

Yeah. So Right. That's the that's the basis of coaching

is that the clients has the answer. We all have our answers.

It's within us. But it's buried deep sometimes. And again, we

have a lot of stories, like you said at the beginning of the

podcast about why we do things. And that has been a proven story

over and over. And we don't question it. And a coach will

actually kind of just dismantle that just to get curious just to

see if there's something there and often Yeah, the clients but

I just love to watch their face or their body posture, like you

know, when they have that shift, energy shifts, and then we get

to to name it. That's, that's pretty cool.

I love that. So this is really, really powerful,

deep work for people. And as we said earlier, working with a

coach helps that be drawn out because it is buried so deeply.

You don't you're not even aware that it's there many times so

that's why you're seeing that surprise. And people's faces,

etc. So I love that that's the your favorite part of the work

is drawing that out. Because that's where the transformation

happens, that shift happens as Yeah,

because something gets unlocked, you know, and then we

have access to it. Yeah, that's fantastic.

And that might be just a starting point. And

then there might still be more to be unlocked, there isn't

necessarily just one thing that needs to be unlocked. But

opening that door can then lead to more, it's a little bit like

a Pandora's box. But it's really powerful in opening it. And

going through the process of seeing what else is there.

Yeah, and that's why working with coaches, and like I

said, I have a coach of you, you do too. I mean, it's, it's

fantastic. Because opening that Pandora's box, if you haven't

done it in a long time, or about a topic that we have not

explored, it can be really jarring. Like, it's kind of

scary. And then to have a framework and to add to working

with a coach that's going to be there for you for three months,

six months, whatever engagement you decide to go with. But then

I also want to mention that the work is done between sessions,

it's the client that actually has to do the work between

session the session gets things moving, but the client does the

work also between sessions and reports back in the next

session.

Absolutely. So that's a really great point. Do

you want to just elaborate a little bit on what that work

also looks like? For?

It depends for every, for every client, but based on

what came up, I like to give homework personally because I

you know, I could explore with them for three hours. I mean,

usually, there's just a lot there. So often, based on the

topic of the session, I said, okay, and sometimes I'll join

the links of podcasts that I've seen, or books that I've read on

the subject. But let's say a client starts exploring their

own reactivity and where that comes from while you we've been

talking about that for like, how many months you know, like, it's

a lifetime of experiences. So then I might send them

resources. And then in queries, usually it's like question two

to, you know, like journaling prompts, or whatever activity

and noticing activity, and it's but it's processing,

essentially, it's just going to be a way to process right, and

to connect dots keep connecting dots.

Exactly. And it's so important, right?

That's, that will result in faster progress for them if they

do that work between the sessions,

so much, like a completely different level of

awareness. Mm hmm. For them. And that's, that's a gift that they

give themselves. Yeah. Because then they can make choices in

the moment, the next time that situation happened. And they can

say, up default way, blowing up and screaming at the person or

intent intentional, my, you know, I want to be okay, get

curious, like, you know, whatever their path will be,

they can make a choice, they will catch themselves. Mm hmm.

Yeah. And I love that. And I know, in my own

journey, that I just have so much more awareness and catch

myself with particularly when I'm talking to myself right now,

like everyone else, half the time, I was berating myself for

Yeah, that I didn't need to berate myself for right. And

then as I started to get that awareness, I could change the

way that I talk to myself. And, you know, I encourage my clients

to be talking to themselves as they would their best friend,

oh, if they talk to their best friend, the way they talk to

themselves, they probably wouldn't have it best friend,

right?

You have to be your own ally. That's the whole taking

responsibility and ownership for your life, you have to be your

own ally. I mean, we all have this roommate here, that is

really kind of undesirable. And we have to be able to either

prove them wrong, a few different techniques for that

with the saboteurs in our head, but we have to be able to have

an ally somewhere in there that has our back, we have to be our

own ally, for sure.

Absolutely. And this is such an important

starting point, as you said at the beginning, because if you

don't have that self love for yourself, it's very hard for you

to find the partner that is, you know, a good partner for you.

Right, right. It's also harder for you to be looking after your

health. Because you're not you're already not prioritizing

yourself, you don't see the importance in looking after your

health and in this day and age, very often looking after your

health proactively, which is what I'm a proponent of, yeah,

most money, right? It's not about going to the doctor for

free and getting your prescription and that's covered,

because that prescription very often is masking a symptom that

results in another symptom that results in another prescription

and you're not actually healing. That's right, true healing when

we get to the root cause that is costing money that requires an

investment in yourself. And to do that requires self love

it really does absolutely too. Yeah. Yeah, you

have to be able to want to invest in yourself. And then

that's where limiting beliefs are like, oh, yeah, whatever.

Like, what's the point? What's the point? Everybody is

overweight in my family? I know by the time I'm 48, I'm going to

be overweight. That's how we are. What's the point? You know,

are they're not going to try to get additional information or to

try? Because they don't have that that inner empowerment?

Drive. Right.

Exactly. Exactly. And it's not just

relationship ships and in health, it's actually in all

aspects of our life. It's in our finances, it's in our career.

The way we do one thing is the way we do everything.

Yeah, that's why I was talking about this template. It

informs the way we view the world and the way that we take

our place in the world as well.

Absolutely. So yes, so So key, I love that

we've had this conversation today that it's coming out in

the month of love, and I hope that it's resonated with our

listeners. But before we wrap up the podcast, I want to ask you

the question that I asked all of my guests, and that is, what

does don't wait for your wake up call mean to you.

It means you don't have to wait. Don't wait until you

get a really bad diagnosis, or big health scare scare or like

mental health. Break down. Don't Don't wait for something to

break down. You can you can take action now you can get curious

now about optimizing your life or living the life that you want

to live often. Well, that's what I see in midlife. Or, you know,

we wait until the big diagnosis and then you get people in on

their beds at the hospital. And it's like, I'm not living the

life. I wanted to well, you don't have to wait until there.

You can get curious before that. And you can change the past.

It's not too late.

Absolutely. It's true. It's never too late.

Right? Not too late.

Not anymore. That is not true. People think that

changing career at 4550. Or what? It's not too late. You can

write your first book at 6570 years old. Don't wait for your

Wake Up Calls. Yeah.

I love that. I love that. I actually just I

love the whole concept of life by design as well. And I just

did a post on that today because I saw Yeah, I went skiing this

morning. Yeah, you commented on it. I went school with pottery?

And why not? Right? And because I choose to design my life the

way that I want it to be? And as you said, we can all do that.

Yeah, but it absolutely starts with that place of self love and

self worth. So that we know that we can step out there and do it.

Is it scary? And when you get started? Sure. But everything is

scary when you first start, right? Even riding a bicycle.

The first time was scary when you were three or four or five,

I suppose. Right? And what you what you just said, we

all can do it. I heard limiting beliefs in my head. So I'm sure

everybody had little limiting beliefs know me, I mean is

different. I can't because and that's where you know, working

with somebody outside of ourselves to actually listen to

those limiting beliefs. Prove them wrong and actually make a

plan like you did to actually actualize you know, the life you

want to live. is a wonderful, that post was really inspiring.

Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. And so my

last question for you is, is there? Oh, actually, you know,

before we get to that you have a gift for the audience. So please

share what your gift is.

Yeah. So free consultation. There's no strings

attached. So if you want to, you know, find out what coaching is

about or what my coaching style is about. You can go on my

website in the book now, little button top right? Well, plus,

you can read about me on the website and see if I would be a

good fit for you. Because it is important for clients that we're

considering coaching to try a few different flavors, just try

all coaches, they have the initial consultation that's

free, no strings attached, get a taste for what coaching is,

decide if it's for you. So that is Yeah, half an hour session.

Free off to free and like I said, no strings attached. So

give it a try.

And what's your website again? And I'll put it

in the show notes. But you can say it now do.

It's my name. So that's not the easiest lose. Lose scarf

on yahoo.com. So yeah, look in the show notes.

Definitely in the shownotes. So yeah, you can

go to the game.com. So well, that's, that's wonderful. And I

highly encourage people to go to your website and book and I do

agree that it's really important to have a good rapport with your

coach and you only know if you're going to have that by

doing that initial call and checking out a few and then from

there deciding which person do you feel that you most resonate

with?

Yeah, and there's no expectation I want people to

know Because often, you know, we're stuck in our beliefs at

all. Well, now if I start talking about that, then I'm

going to feel obligated to pay that person. I mean, it's common

practice in the business, we want you to have a fit that

works for your life. Absolutely.

Absolutely. I do the same thing. It is very

common practice, right? Yeah. How does somebody know if I can

even help them if we haven't had an initial conversation to see

if we can, you know, work together and they may not be a

good fit for me. And then I can refer them to someone else to if

they don't know anybody else that

to do? So. Absolutely.

Awesome. Thank you for offering that. And then

yeah, my last question is, what would you like to leave the

audience with to inspire them to take action on their self love

journey today?

Give yourself that gift of ease and peace, internal

peace with who you are, you know, like, you need to be okay

and loving of who you are. We cannot just be our own enemy. So

get curious about what's there, who you are, who you want to be

just get curious.

I love that. What a great way to end. So

thank you so much for joining us here today lose. And thank you

to the audience for joining as well. And be sure to tune back

in next week for another episode of Don't wait for your wake up

call podcast.

Thank you for investing this time with me on the don't wait

for your wake up call Podcast. I'm so glad you joined in. If

you can take two minutes to share this episode with someone

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have today and make human health the global priority. Health is