00:00:06 Archita: You know what's wild? Sometimes the strongest leader in the room is also the most exhausted one, the one holding everything in, staying polished, staying in control and quietly losing themselves behind their own. Today we are exploring a paradox. What if real power is in control? It's presence. And what if leadership becomes more effective when it becomes more human. Welcome

00:00:34 Archita: back to Healing Horizons, the space where we explore what healing can look like in real life, in real leadership, and in real relationships with ourselves. I'm Archie, and today I'm joined by Alana Sage, founder of Ectasia, the Academy of Aesthetic Creation. Alana is known for challenging the old idea that self control and performance equals strength. And instead of helping leaders reclaim embodied power, impact and a kind of aliveness that doesn't require burnout, our topic is the power paradox redefining leadership. So if you have ever felt like you're doing leadership right, but living it wrong inside your body, this one's for you. Alana, welcome to Healing Horizons. Um, so before we go, big picture, I'm curious, what was the moment that made you realize the old definition of power wasn't working anymore? Not as a concept, but as something you felt in your own life or in the leaders you work with.

00:01:47 Alara Sage: Absolutely. So in twenty twenty one, I was running a six figure business, my own business. I had multiple six figures in the bank. I was doing what I loved. And so from the outside world, that of course looks like success. But internally I was in a constant state of stress anxiety. I felt like it wasn't enough and I was always chasing and pursuing the next thing, which I'm all for personal expansion growth. But we have to ask ourselves, what is it? Where is it coming from? Why are we needing this? Why are we desiring this? And in that particular part of my life, woman in my life, it wasn't coming from simply the desire to expand. It was coming from a deep inner belief of it not being enough. And I had a very profound experience where I had all of my money stolen from me. And the story of the money being stolen isn't really all that important. But in that moment when I literally watched my bank account go to zero from multiple six figures. I dropped to the floor. It was very emotional. You know, I was moving through a state of shock, bewilderment. I breathed and I allowed all the emotions and I got to this place of it's just money, right? I've made the money before by myself. I can do it again. But I wasn't listening to the undercurrent, to that sensation of angst that was in my body. So instead of recreating the money, which I should have been able to do very effectively and easily, my six figure business collapsed. And that's when I really tuned in to wait a moment here. What is going on? And at this point in my life, I was self-aware, so I wasn't completely oblivious to what was going on. But I was fooling myself. I was avoiding looking at that angst, that feeling of needing more to make myself feel safe, eating more to make myself. Quote unquote, find peace, joy, happiness, all the things. And in that exploration of what is really going on here. I came to find in myself some belief structures that were creating this insatiable appetite. And I see this a lot in leaders, and it might not be something a lot of us want to admit because it creates a sense of ambition. From the outside it can look very successful. But for myself and many high level multi-millionaires that I've worked with, is it really success? When that sense of angst, anxiety just instability, persists and actually grows bigger as your wealth, your legacy, your impact grows bigger as well. Is that really what we're seeking in life? And for me, learning how to release those belief structures in myself and recreate my business still in the energy of ambition, still in the energy of desiring to expand myself and my capacity, my wealth and my impact. But this time without the angst. This time. A deep feeling of stability and safety which in this time of our physical reality, society. That's an invaluable, invaluable trait to embody.

00:06:37 Archita: That must not have been very easy. Um, and the part that you navigated, but I'm really glad that you did. And I want listeners to notice something already. When we talk about leadership, we usually start in the mind, but you're already pointing to the felt experience of it. And that's important. And let's stay with that for a moment. Um, a lot of us grew up thinking leadership means being composed, decisive, unshakable, almost untouchable. So when you say power paradox, what's the biggest misconception leaders carry about power?

00:07:18 Alara Sage: Very similar to what you said that it is of the mind or it is a way that we carry ourselves. What I find that a lot of people are believing that they're in a state of power, and they're actually in a state of ego. Because through my personal experience, true power doesn't need to be the loudest voice in the room. True power doesn't even need to be heard. It's a state of presence. And in that presence, we hear much more than we are in our minds. When we are in our egos, when we are already trying to respond to somebody's comment before they finished, because we believe we have the answer. Power, to me, is that presence and that availability to what lies between the words, what lies in the moment of pause. And as I've taken many high level leaders through this process of learning how to truly embody presence instead of being in a state of reaction. They're always impressed with, for one, the amount of time that they feel like they gain, time kind of seems to slow down instead of always being in a hurry and rushing. And like I said, you know, finishing people's sentences or cutting them off and, you know, on to the next. That pause feels very safe to them, and they recognize that there is so much availability of time in the moment. So they experience more time and they experience that time from, again, this place of knowingness, this place of listening deeply before we respond, before we talk. And on top of granting more time, it gives them clarity. It allows them to respond to their environment from a place of clarity, from a place of coherence, where they are in all aspects of their own intelligence. They're not just working from, you know, logic. They're working in their logical and their creative mind. They can solve problems easier. So moving out of power is this. Being the loudest voice in the room. Being the one to dominate. Being the one to tell everybody else what to do. To the one that is willing to be in the here and now with all of their attention, focus, presence, and to deeply listen.

00:10:40 Archita: Yeah, absolutely. And, um, definitely that lands because, uh, what we call strength is often just trained containment and containment can look impressive until it becomes a cage. So definitely, and I agree with what you said about power. I think true power doesn't need to be showcased. It can be just naturally felt. Uh, so if, if control is in power, then the next question is why do we cling to control so hard?

00:11:17 Alara Sage: Well, it's very similar to my story of that inner angst, that feeling. That we have to get more. What we have is going to collapse. It's fundamentally fair. And it's important to come at fear from my perspective, with an open mind, because a lot of leaders don't want to admit that they have fear, myself included. But there is a natural fear of death because we do die according to the body and according to the ego. There is a complete loss that happens when we die, and so that interfere when not understood. And not recognized in ourselves. From the subconscious mind becomes the controller, the protector, the one that is trying to make everything just so, so that the collapse doesn't happen, so that we don't lose everything, so that we have a sense of stability and safety. But control is illusionary, as we all know. I don't think any human could ever believe that we really have control over anything, because the minute you believe you have control over your business or the market, you know, something shifts that is quote unquote out of your control. It's illusionary. And what it does is instead of granting you that space of presence and power within yourself, and thus in your business, you create instability. It's, it's a paradox. We believe we're creating control, but we're actually creating instability because control is very fragile. It has to be a certain way, according to your mind and most importantly, your subconscious mind in order for it to appear. Safe and secure. But there is so much that you cannot, um, you know, consider. You can't plan for. That when those things happen now, you find yourself in a state of instability. Because you believe that you could lose it. It could crash. It could collapse. This is again, one of the primary. Fears and limiting beliefs that I see in high level leaders. Because the more you gain, the more you have to lose. The more you create, the more it potentially can collapse. So understanding There's a difference between being in control, perceiving, believing that you're in control, which again creates false stability and being deeply present to what is. What you're trying to create and what is actually being shown to you. What is the reflection? That is our physical reality because it's holographic. It's a reflection. We can always use it to give us input, to give us information. So when you're present to the process and simultaneously listening, not just with your ears, but with your eyes, with your your felt sense, your intuition. Now you are in a state of co-creation. Now you can receive internal guidance, inner wisdom, inner knowing that is guiding you to take action. That is three steps ahead of the market that is already attuned to something that isn't working in your business, whether you are mentally aware of it or not. This. This is power.

00:16:15 Archita: That makes so much sense. Um, because a lot of leaders aren't really addicted to success. They're addicted to being safe and safety. For many people, um, got wired to if I am in control, I won't be hurt. Which brings us to the real life part, how this actually shows up day to day. So let's make it tangible. Uh. What tends to happen in a leader's life when they are stuck in this control equal to power model. I'm thinking team culture, intimacy at home. The way they respond to conflict, the way they handle mistakes.

00:16:55 Alara Sage: Absolutely. That's such a great question. One of the biggest ones I have my clients reflect to me is they're waking up at three a m. Their mind is going off. They're in a state of anxiety, angst or just intense mental stimulation. So it pulling you out of your sleep and waking you up and feeling that need to micromanage. Right at three a m in the morning, repeating conversations you had earlier in the week, or, you know, going through the motions of what the things you need to do instead of getting your rest. So that is one of the biggest ones that the majority of my clients have or experience. There's also, as I mentioned, the the need for micromanaging, right? The inability to delegate with clear instructions, knowing that you've hired the team that can carry out what you envision. And delegating it completely and fully without needing to micromanage the results. It also shows up as going on vacation and not being able to really disconnect. Maybe you disconnect Wi-Fi. Maybe you don't check your emails, but you as a leader are still thinking about your business. You again are not in the present moment to the vacation. The experience that you created for yourself to enjoy yourself, have fun, rest, whatever. The intention of the trip was about. You're not even there. You're still back at work. You're still, you know, in your mind, solving issues and with relationship and intimacy, most high level leaders that are not really in this state of presence and power struggle with intimacy. Because they're not able to be in the present moment. And no matter whether you're a man or a woman or whatever you identify with, intimacy is a very deep, vulnerable space of connection. So when you are up in your mind or you're still thinking about work, or you're caught simply in a sense of instability, a sense of angst in your nervous system, in your body. You cannot deeply connect because our nervous systems are in a state of survival at that point. Your body, your brain is not thinking about thriving, about connecting, about, you know, this, this space of relationship. You're still trying to survive. It's literal mechanism of survival. So you may go through the motions of intimacy, but you're not actually connected and intimate. You're not present in in the moment. And of course, this is felt in relationship. You know, this is felt between man and wife. When one person is just going through the motions, or one person can't even engage because they don't know how to turn off their mind. They don't know how to relax their body. They don't know how to be present in the moment.

00:20:46 Archita: It's fascinating and scary to know how, uh, you know, um, this conditioning can manifest itself and show up in our day to day lives, and we don't even realize it. It takes our present from us. And that is, um, a really big thing that we need to realize. So yeah, and this truly, this conversation has been eye opening truly. And I'm sure our listeners feel the same way right now. So, um, for the leader listening who feels like they're holding everything together but privately falling apart, what's one small truth they could allow themselves to admit this week that would make them feel five percent more human? HMM.

00:21:36 Alara Sage: They're not alone. They're not alone. Everything I spoke of here today is not a problem of one leader. It's a problem of all leaders. It's a problem of all humans, quite frankly. And we hide it so well. So even the most confident I have found struggle with what I speak to today.

00:22:07 Archita: That is really reassuring. And like I always say, um, the top of the pyramid is not an easy place to be. But yeah, I think what you just said that you're not alone. It, it helps a lot because there are so many like you and yeah, here's the core of it. Real leadership power is in control. It's presence, choice and the courage to be fully human while you lead. So thank you so much for this amazing conversation today. And yeah, this has been a pleasure hosting you. So for people who want to learn more about your work, where can they find you and Ectasia?

00:22:51 Alara Sage: Yeah. Com and then I'm on, um, Instagram. Lara Sage. I have a podcast called The Power Edge so they can find me there as well.

00:23:03 Archita: Beautiful. We'll make sure those links are in the show notes so people can connect without hunting. If today's conversation hits something tender in you, take a breath with it. You don't have to turn it into a productivity task. Maybe the invitation is simple. Where am I confusing control with strength? And what would presence look like instead? This is healing horizons, and I am. Thank you for being here for choosing growth that doesn't require self-abandonment. Share this with someone who's carrying a lot and I'll meet you in the next episode.