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The Electronic Walkabout.

Here we are again, getting ready to take another exciting episode of Electronic Walkabout, a podcast where we talk about the important things in life.

This episode we can consider, at times, we losing ourselves in the environment we're in and the importance of being comfortable in our own skin, regardless of that environment.

But first is always a thought for the day.

It is so easy to lose ourselves in any situation.

Mirrors are not just for the vain.

They remind us of who we are.

What are you looking at?

Nothing.

Does some of these thoughts go so deep?

Yeah.

That it takes me a minute just to kind of process and let it sink in.

So.

And just to remind the listeners, these thoughts are thrown out every.

Every day at Mike Chronicles, my Twitter site, and they're also contained in one of the books I've written, St.

Mark's fortunes.

And truly, it's no different than some of these episodes that you and I discuss, Mad Dog, where if I think, if I could throw out a few words and inspire someone.

Of course, with these episodes, we're hoping for a little bit more than that.

If someone's looking for something, they're a little lost and they happen to hear something you say or I say or we say, and it help.

I'm on the right path and, well, job done.

That's true.

And you never know people's troubles, right?

You never know for sure.

Think about when you were growing up and trying to be comfortable in your own skin.

What.

What kind of a challenge was that for you?

And.

And I'm only guessing that when you answer the question, you're going to basically share the same feelings that most people wouldn't.

Kind of growing up, right?

Yeah.

So I think it.

For me, I never really had too many issues.

I think it's like the typical teenagers, right?

Like, you get acne and, you know, all that sort of stuff, and you start caring about what you and whatnot.

So, you know, I think there's a certain time in your life, in your.

Your teens when it's like, you know, exploratory because, like, well, what's my style?

What.

How should I do my hair?

You know what I mean?

Like, it's stuff like that.

And then I don't know if it's an uncomfortability per se, but you're trying to find your.

Your groove, if you will, your sweet spot.

Your groove where you can be comfortable in your own skin.

Right.

And I guess, I don't know, is this a fair question?

Are most people comfortable in their own skin or.

I don't.

I don't know.

Nowadays, with social media and stuff like that, that poses a very interesting question because you hear a lot of people say, well, you know, this stuff you're seeing on the Internet is a very quick glimpse into somebody's life, and it comes across all happy.

Happy.

So you don't really know.

Right.

A lot of dupe, a lot of people put on facades.

Is everybody truly that happy?

I don't know, but I think that's what they want everybody to think.

Well, you could say the same thing for the.

For when.

Of course, I know things have changed because of COVID but like when you used to walk into the office every day and you, You.

You'd have that one always happy, go lucky.

But you never knew what they were like at home or what they were dealing with.

True.

And.

And with that, you know, I'm sure that given, you know, your previous line of work, that it's the same thing with, you know, mental health and suicides.

Everyone's like, I never had a clue.

They always seem so happy.

They always.

They didn't give any signs and stuff like that.

So, yeah, I.

I definitely can see how that would be applicable to this is just not knowing.

Just not knowing.

But.

But I think that people have to realize that at the end, we are all the same.

We all feel the same emotions and we all go through the same same things.

That.

And that's important to understand because if you are having a challenge, chances are the next person next to you already dealt with that challenge and, and might have a leg or two to help you up with.

Yeah.

So.

And I remember when I was young and was in my first major relationship and I was having troubles, and I remember talking to my boss at the time.

He's like, go to counseling.

And I'm like, why?

What do they get?

You know, he just.

As a young person, I think I was 19 or 20.

And he's like, listen, you may think you're the only one going through this, but counselors and therapists talk to hundreds of people and they see these things, so they might have some insight or suggestions that, you know, could help.

So to your point that, you know, you're not alone, that, you know, reach out if you need to or talk to people.

And you'd be surprised, I think, how many people have experienced or felt the same things.

Yeah.

And it sounds simple.

It really does, but it.

But it's true.

And that's.

That's the important thing.

It is true.

So.

And a.

Not so serious.

Why do we act differently in different environments?

You put on.

Everybody who puts on a show puts on a face.

They want people to see the best sides of them, so they'll.

They'll fake it till they make it.

And.

Yeah, because I don't.

I think if, you know, let's say you're going to a party and you walk in all gloomy, everybody's gonna, what's wrong?

You know, what's happening.

That might not be the response you're looking for, but if you walk in there and you put on the fake chipper.

Hey, hey.

Everyone's like, hey, how are you?

You look like you're doing good.

Yeah, that reminds me of that.

So remember the name of it.

But everybody thinks I'm the life of the party because I tell a joke or two, but take a good look at my face, you know?

Yeah, exactly.

So I think it's just.

You don't want to deal with the uncomfortableness, so you just put on a show that's not.

Most likely the real you would.

And of course, we're both parents, and I don't know how well I've kind of.

Kind of done this, but would it.

Would it be a great idea if you were a parent and say to your kids, it doesn't matter where you are.

Just be comfortable with who you are and don't be afraid to be you?

Yeah, absolutely.

It's.

You have to have a, I think a fairly open and communicative relationship with your kids to be able to have them receive that properly.

And.

Oh, okay, great.

Of course.

But what does that mean, though, too?

That's the other important thing.

Because for me to say, okay, all you have to do is A, A, B, and C.

That might mean something totally different for you.

That's true.

That is true.

But it's.

Yeah.

I don't know where my brain went there.

Just drifted off.

Well, let me.

Let me bring a back just a little bit.

We all want our kids to be confident in every situation.

So if really part of that.

That discussion or that example, because we've talked about things mom and dad never told us when we were growing up, this might be one of the things where we're just simply saying, I just want you to be as confident as you could be in any situation, and especially in those situations where it's a completely new environment.

And you think about it, you think about your son the first time he stepped on the football field at the university and how he might have been thinking or reacted to that situation.

Well, I was so proud.

I guarantee he was crapping his pants, you know, and it definitely humbled him because, yeah, it's, he definitely leveled up.

But yeah, I saw it in him.

He was, you could tell he was sheepish.

You know, he's a big kid and he knows what he's doing, but he also respected where he was at and the people he was now, you know, stepping into, into the same team with.

So, yeah, it was, I know he was scared.

And so getting back to what, what you were saying, you got to find your groove.

Okay.

So the, the message I would think would be, okay, so, yeah, you're going to be nervous, you're going to be scared shitless.

Let's, let's take some time and figure out how was, how was the, the quickest way to get you to your groove.

Yeah.

And once you find your groove, that's where the confidence comes to life, right?

Yeah.

And I think too, it's, it's your, your environment.

Like, you know, that was definitely a fear of mine.

Then I was asking him how the older.

And he's like, are you kidding me?

He goes, they take care of us so well.

They are looking out for us all the time.

And I was like, that's fantastic.

Like, even if they went out as a team and went drinking, the, the seniors definitely kept an eye on, eyes on the rookies and made sure that they were so that, that to me, I made me feel that he was in the right place.

And I think that gave him the confidence too, because I'm sure, you know, versus the old days when, you know, what's.

Initiations were pretty bad and stuff like that, that's.

It's kind of gone to the wayside and now it's a little more supportive.

So it's, it's not as daunting for, you know, new kids to fit in.

And I mean, it's hard.

We've talked about it before.

I mean, I, it's.

It's hard for me to imagine because I know some of the challenges I had growing up because I was, I was quite shy.

I wasn't very comfortable being myself in front of people.

I was just like very quiet.

But when it came to work, I just, I had a great work thanks to mom and dad.

But that's what basically kept me alive and actually helped me to find my groove.

But it didn't come overnight.

Yeah.

I was going to say, so what was it that allowed you to find that groove?

Was it just time in the job and repetition, or was it a specific person that kind of mentored you, or what was there?

There's always a little bit of that mentor.

But I think in this case, what it boiled down to is that those little successes along the way, that helped me to build my confidence.

But not only that, those little successes help to build a reputation where people actually began to respect you and they began to engage you as well.

So it was.

It was helpful in that sense.

Yeah.

And when you find somebody, you know that when it's your line of work that mentors you or gives you advice, that's invaluable.

And I will never, ever forget, I worked with a gentleman by the name of Phil Pituelo, and that's.

Pituelo was his last name.

What kind of a is that?

He was Italian guy.

Okay.

So he was a really good manager.

And I remember asking him, I said, phil, how.

How did you become a good manager?

Like, you didn't wake up one morning, have all these traits, and he's like, nope.

He goes, honestly, through the course of my career, I watched what people did good, and I added it to my toolbox, and then I watched the things that I didn't like that people did, and I reminded myself, don't ever do that.

So he created and then just being exposed to different managers over the years, he had this toolbox full of different experiences that helped shape who he was.

And I took that advice, and through my whole career, that's.

That's what I've done.

I'm like, I like what that guy does.

I might incorporate that in.

I also did not like the way that guy talked to the person.

I'm going to make sure that I don't do that.

That's how I form myself.

But it was.

It was pivotal for getting that information from Phil when I asked him, and that.

That's the kind of mentoring that.

That we all need to experience for sure.

And I.

I totally get it.

I mean, and it's.

It's going to be different from generation to generation.

But, like, I.

And I will say this, if you're afraid to reach out and ask or help, you shouldn't be.

Because my experience is, as soon as you ask for that help, there's a ton of people that want to, you know, hold out.

Yeah, Let.

Let Me.

Let me show you the way.

Yeah.

You just have to.

Sometimes ego gets in the way sometimes, you know, you don't want to be embarrassed, but man, you gotta drop that and ask.

Ask for help, and it's there.

So really what we're talking about, the goal is in any given environment, your objective is just be you.

Okay?

Yeah.

I don't need to fake anything for anybody.

Not.

Not now.

No, not now.

No, not now.

Not now.

There's this thing called self monitoring where we pay attention to how we.

Or come across in that environment we're in, depending on our ability to tune in to this, has a direct proportion to how much we lose ourselves in that environment.

Have you ever engaged in self monitoring?

So you're.

Let's say you're.

You're working the room.

I'll say it this way, you're working the room.

It's a new crowd, and you're.

You're paying attention to how people are responding to you.

Yeah.

And sometimes it's good, sometimes it's.

It's.

It's bad.

But you being in.

In sales, you have to make those instant relationships.

So I think.

Think there's an element of self monitoring there.

Sure.

Or self awareness.

Self awareness.

That's probably a good way to put it.

Right.

Because I've given, you know, speeches to groups and I always try and.

And hone in on the people that aren't smiling or not seeming to be liking what I'm doing.

And it's like, I take that as a challenge at the moment because the people that are looking at you that are engaged and nodding and stuff like that, you know, you got them.

But those ones that are just like, see the value in this.

I take it as almost like a personal challenge to connect with them somehow.

Not maybe not really directly, but so that they get the gist of.

Of what's being presented.

And y.

That's so.

But I have to be aware of my surroundings and who I'm talking to.

And it changes.

I won't say it will change who you appear to be, because you still got to be you, but it will change the way you want to connect with that individual.

Absolutely.

So, I mean, and I think that the more you do that when I talk about you be you, I think there's a bigger, bigger you that kind of develops over time.

And you're shaping your future you.

By going through all these things in that moment.

Yes.

Knowing when the zigger zag.

There are some environments, though, that you should conform to for the sake of everyone.

Any thoughts on this?

So, for example, if we talk about football, when you get on the field, you know what your assignment is.

You make sure that you complete your assignment the best you can.

Yep.

You're conforming to that in that environment.

Yeah.

And you're also setting a standard.

And those that aren't living up to that standard probably won't play as much or don't fit in with the team.

And you know, I've seen that time and time again where there's.

If there's like an one all star on the team and they think they're God's gift.

It's like, yeah, you're, you're in this for you.

You're not in this for the.

And everybody else sees that.

And so they kind of get left on the outskirts because, you know, people are smart.

They can see when, when you're in just for yourself.

And you can see that in the office environment as well.

Yeah.

People intentionally.

And I've had that experience through my career where, you know, I had one.

One executive chef asked me to do a whole bunch of testing on different products.

I mean, I tested it for weeks and then he presented it that he did everything.

Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I was like, I was crushed because I was trying to do it to make him look good, but hopefully get a little bit of the, you know, accolade.

But no.

And then again, that was something that I learned.

I'm like, I never, I would never do that to somebody because I felt like crap.

Yeah.

Going through that.

Do you feel like when your experience is almost like a snap, I lose it kind of situation where you want to have a.

I'll say a frank conversation with that individual.

But you got to be careful with that too, though.

You do.

Yeah.

I, in my younger years, I went through anger management because I, I would redline pretty quick and.

And I learned nothing good comes from that.

I have more of a tendency or I learned to kind of just be calm, take it all in, and then try and make a rash decision because quick snap, angry reactions don't usually end up in a good place.

Yeah, they talk about the 24 hour rule, which is a really good one.

And then sometimes I say, sometimes I just want to use that 24 second rule.

True.

Until you hit send on an email and realize you should have waited a day.

Yeah, I do do that too.

If I have something heated or I'm trying to make a point, I'll.

I'll craft the email originally if it's got to be by email.

And then I'll revisit it in a couple hours.

And then, you know, once things have cooled down, it's like, oh, I shouldn't really say it that way because you're being exactly what you're disliking from the other person.

Yeah, that makes sense.

So have you ever found yourself in a situation where, where you, you weren't acting as you would normally would just to make people happy in that environment?

I'm sure I have.

I honestly, I can't think of anything off the top of my head, but I think we all do that at some point.

Maybe to a small degree.

But yeah, because you don't.

And maybe that's back to day.

You don't want to be the one odd out person so you'll go with things.

But yeah, I can't really think of anything.

Well, one example, because you talked about high school and of course I never, I never conformed to this anyhow.

But where you're the smokers and the non smokers.

So let's say you're a non smoker and all of a sudden one of your best friends decides to be in that smokers group and next thing you know you find yourself in the smoking pit with your friend.

You light up, you do, but then.

You cough your brains out because you're faking it and it didn't work.

Yeah, it's an interesting one because.

Yeah, growing up having headbangers and there were very distinct crowds of smokers and non smokers and.

Yeah.

And it was a pretty tight circle back in that day.

I don't think I ever could have infiltrated it even if I wanted.

Yeah, they could see you coming a mile away.

Well, my hair wasn't, you know, halfway down my back.

So that was, that's a clue, right?

Yeah.

What about that mop and telly?

And when I say that what comes to my mind is the.

Tell me.

The Vancouver riots.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, the exact thing.

And yeah, that was a very interesting case study in mob mentality where.

Yeah, normal.

What turned out to be normal, people that were really, seemed to be decent happened to get filmed doing something dumb and it imploded their whole career.

People lost jobs just because they got caught up in the heat of the moment and.

Yeah, didn't work out.

Well, it was, I think it was about a couple weeks ago we were at My Sisters and actually they were, they had a documentary on some of the people that were caught up in that mob mentality and what it cost with respect to, I mean there were some University athletes that were caught up in that that basically lost their scholarships.

Yeah, I remember there was one young Asian woman.

She, if I remember correctly, she was in a great job and stuff, but whatever she, the crime that she.

I think she threw a chair at a window front or everybody was hacking on that one car.

Anyways, the shirt she was wearing while she did it was the same one that was on her profile for Facebook.

So it was really easy to cat.

But then like that it was all done.

Lost her job, you know, ostracized from everything because, you know, in the heat of the moment, you might think it's cool because everybody's cheering.

The second it's over, you did something bad and now everyone's going to look at you in that light.

So it's, it's very, I think that, that getting caught up in that stuff is very flash in the pan, but there's a lot of.

Of fallout after the fact.

So you, you think about what we're talking about Ubu in the environment, just, just be.

And that's all you need to do.

But how do you do that when you're caught in something like this?

Because they're just gonna say, well, you're that Vancouver writer.

That's what you are.

Yeah, exactly.

I don't know, like, I don't know how.

What, what happens in your brain to get it to that point where you don't think of other things.

And like, like I've said a couple times, my, my older boys, I had them when I was very young, but they always made me think twice about what I did because I did not want to go to jail.

I did not want to not be a dad.

So there was a.

Quite a few things that I opted not.

I put some thought into it, but if you don't have that, I think you might be a little more apt to fall into bad things that are happening or an event.

Yeah, yeah, here's, here's an interesting question to that point.

Yeah.

Have you seen the.

In your policing career, people that were full of regret after the time because they got in caught up with that mob mentality and now they're paying the price?

Oh, definitely, definitely.

And it's funny you asked that question because while we're watching that documentary, there's a conversation that's happening and I can appreciate the thought.

Well, I have no sympathy for those individuals that got caught in that.

I'm thinking, well, just a second, especially the next day or whatever when you wake up and you realize, what did I do yesterday?

And just to be caught up on that and to see that regret knowing very well that these people are thinking, how do I survive this now?

How do I move forward with my life?

And the fact that there is an element of regret, I think goes miles.

Right.

Because it could have very well been just one incidence of poor timing of just getting involved.

Maybe to your point, maybe they are not, they just with a rigmarole and mayhem that was going on, just caught some innocent people up and, but they, they had to pay for it.

And I, and I remember the most recent one where, where the social media didn't help the situation where the plan was whether they, whether they won or not, there was, it was still going to happen.

Right.

For people to actually go down there looking for that kind of riot situation is not the same as someone getting caught.

No.

There was definitely people training it in from close by areas that were causing the majority of that and didn't even live in Vancouver.

Just to switch gears a bit.

So is it, is it fake that to act differently in different situations?

Because if, if you're not really acting as you normally would, is that okay to do that?

Like, I don't know.

Well, I guess it depends on if there's a safety issue and if you know what I like, you just never know.

And I guess it, it all depends on the severity of what we're talking about.

Right.

Like it could be something very white lish that's very innocent that you went along with just because you didn't want to ruffle feathers or hey, let's go do this bank robbery.

I'm, I don't want to come along for the ride, but I guess so.

You know what I mean?

Like, yeah, different, different levels of different.

Different scenarios for sure.

Right.

If I, if I'm trying to impress upon you that I'm a real badass, that I'm.

And I'm not and I get caught up.

Let's see, in a robbery again, that gets back to one of those things.

How do you recover from that?

And you can, but it's not going to be overnight.

No.

And you're most likely going to turn on the people you were with and then you got a whole other bunch of problems.

And yeah, it's just use your brains, people.

Yeah, let's use your brains.

And, and I guess, I guess the, the biggest message I think we're trying to send out here, learn to be comfortable in your own skin and you find yourself in a situation that it, that doesn't even reflect your values, take two steps back and turn away and walk the other direction.

And so that's a great summary.

The summary tells me that the music is playing again, so it's not automatically bad to adjust your behavior based on the setting and the people around you.

Fair to say that you should never lose a sense of self in any situation.

Just be aware that it's normal for this to occur and act according.

I agree.

Yeah, no, it's to your point.

It sounds simple.

It sounds simple.

Everything's simple.

Yeah, it really does.

But yeah, I think a lot of people would have to really work and practice to get to that point.

But it's great advice.

Again, take it as a challenge.

And I've always thought that I just got to be me in any situation and I feel so much comfortable.

But it does take an effort to do that.

It does.

So remember to take advantage of the moment before the moment takes advantage of you.

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