1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,880 Janice Porter: So let's see. Yeah, it's still saying it's 2 00:00:02,880 --> 00:00:06,300 full, but it hasn't deleted what I told it to delete, but I think 3 00:00:06,300 --> 00:00:12,840 it's okay. Alright. Hello and welcome to the show. I am very 4 00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:16,080 excited about my guest this week, Elliot Connie, who's 5 00:00:16,080 --> 00:00:21,740 coming to us from his new digs in LA but actually lives in 6 00:00:21,740 --> 00:00:25,640 Texas, so we'll have to hear more about that as we get into 7 00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:28,520 the show. So welcome. First of all, Elliot, welcome to the 8 00:00:28,520 --> 00:00:28,940 show. 9 00:00:29,180 --> 00:00:30,320 Elliot Connie: Thank you for having me 10 00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:33,620 Janice Porter: My pleasure. I don't really want to just read 11 00:00:33,620 --> 00:00:36,920 this whole thing about you, but I want to just because that's 12 00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:40,160 boring for you and but I know there's so much about you. 13 00:00:40,160 --> 00:00:44,500 You're a complicated guy. You have a lot going on. And so I 14 00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:48,280 will just briefly say that when I first met you through a 15 00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:54,160 friend, a new friend, he spoke very highly of you, and you 16 00:00:54,160 --> 00:01:00,240 range from being a clinically trained psychotherapist to an 17 00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:05,280 author, to a podcaster, to a founder of I think your your 18 00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:10,920 heart work, which is your sfbt solution focused brief therapy, 19 00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:14,700 which I'll get you to explain in a minute. And then I find out 20 00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:19,680 that you're also a stand up comic So, and soon to be a TV 21 00:01:19,980 --> 00:01:23,780 show host, so I'm very excited to hear more about it, and I 22 00:01:23,780 --> 00:01:28,280 want to dig in. So let's start at the at the heart of of what 23 00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:32,720 you do, because I know you have a new book that's coming out or 24 00:01:32,720 --> 00:01:36,320 is about out as we as this show airs, it's probably going to be 25 00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:38,180 out at the end of August. Is that correct? 26 00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:41,440 Elliot Connie: No, we're going to, we're probably going to 27 00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:45,880 start filming in early 2025 and it will be out, Oh, 28 00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:48,580 Janice Porter: next. Okay, fantastic. And the book is 29 00:01:48,580 --> 00:01:49,180 called, 30 00:01:49,900 --> 00:01:51,640 Elliot Connie: oh, the book, yes. Oh, the 31 00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:55,120 Janice Porter: TV show's going to start in 2025 Yeah. The book, 32 00:01:55,180 --> 00:02:01,920 yes, August 26 so it will be out when, when this show airs, and 33 00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:05,580 it's called, change your questions, change your future, 34 00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:06,960 Elliot Connie: exactly yes. So 35 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:10,140 Janice Porter: before we get into that, let's talk about the 36 00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:14,040 sfbt, because I know that's at the heart of everything that you 37 00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:15,000 do, correct 38 00:02:15,060 --> 00:02:16,020 Elliot Connie: Absolutely yes. 39 00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:17,940 Janice Porter: So tell us a little bit about that. 40 00:02:18,420 --> 00:02:21,320 Elliot Connie: So sfbt stands for solution, focused brief 41 00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:27,020 therapy. And like many people, I had a very difficult childhood, 42 00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:34,100 and my transition into adulthood was just not easy, and was just 43 00:02:34,100 --> 00:02:39,200 loaded with very difficult times. And at some point so and 44 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:42,640 I went to college, I wanted to play baseball. Actually, I had 45 00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:46,780 no aspirations professionally or career wise. It was just I was 46 00:02:46,780 --> 00:02:49,360 good at baseball, and once I was done with high school, the next 47 00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:51,580 place I could continue to play baseball was college. 48 00:02:52,060 --> 00:02:54,400 Janice Porter: Sound like my daughter with basketball? It was 49 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:55,720 the same thing, yeah, 50 00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:59,980 Elliot Connie: and baseball was like the one through line of 51 00:02:59,980 --> 00:03:04,080 like joy and happiness in an otherwise pretty tumultuous 52 00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:09,060 childhood. And while I was in college, I majored in marine 53 00:03:09,060 --> 00:03:14,880 biology because I liked the ocean. But through a few twists 54 00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:19,980 and turns, I realized like I wanted my struggle and my pain 55 00:03:19,980 --> 00:03:23,960 to have a purpose, and I wanted to make a difference, and I 56 00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:27,980 wanted to help people if I could, that were dealing with 57 00:03:27,980 --> 00:03:32,120 hard times as well. So I changed my major from marine biology to 58 00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:36,020 psychology, wow, just because I figured, like that's where I 59 00:03:36,020 --> 00:03:41,440 would find journey. Didn't know I would ultimately become a 60 00:03:41,740 --> 00:03:44,500 psychotherapist and all the other things you listed, I just, 61 00:03:44,620 --> 00:03:46,960 I just thought, if I want to help people, I should probably 62 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:52,300 study psychology. And I did, and it was one of those things that 63 00:03:52,300 --> 00:04:02,640 completely like redirected my life. And I remember getting to 64 00:04:02,640 --> 00:04:05,160 the point of graduation and realizing that a psychology 65 00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:07,620 degree and undergraduate psychology degree is almost 66 00:04:07,620 --> 00:04:10,680 worthless, like it's nothing really you can do with it. And 67 00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:14,160 towards the end of my studies, one of my professors said this 68 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:17,280 thing that I almost couldn't believe. They said that the 69 00:04:17,280 --> 00:04:22,760 school I was attending, Texas, Wesleyan University, is creating 70 00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:27,800 a graduate school in counseling, and we would like you to attend. 71 00:04:28,220 --> 00:04:32,600 Oh, wow. And I was like, wow. Like, that is crazy. So yeah, 72 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:37,460 sign me up so I go to graduate school and learn something 73 00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:42,160 unbelievably disheartening, and that is, and I don't mean to say 74 00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:46,240 this to freak anybody out, but when you're in graduate school 75 00:04:46,420 --> 00:04:49,300 studying to become a psychotherapist, you're actually 76 00:04:49,300 --> 00:04:53,620 not learning how to help people. You're learning how to diagnose 77 00:04:53,620 --> 00:05:00,180 them, and you're you're learning how to assess them. You. And 78 00:05:00,180 --> 00:05:04,800 that was really difficult for me, because I really wanted to 79 00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:08,160 help people, and you don't help people just by telling them 80 00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:12,420 what's wrong with them, right? Like that may be a part of it, 81 00:05:12,420 --> 00:05:15,720 depending on the way you do this job, but that's not inherently 82 00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:19,920 how you do it. So I was really struggling, like, really, really 83 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:25,640 struggling with that. And then, I don't know, I was at a point 84 00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:28,580 where I was going to quit school. I was at a point where 85 00:05:28,580 --> 00:05:32,180 it's like, I'm done because I don't want to do this. And in 86 00:05:32,180 --> 00:05:36,440 one class, there was a book we were reading that had a whole 87 00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:40,120 bunch of psychotherapy theories. You know, there's some stuff in 88 00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:43,900 this book about Sigmund, Freud, Alfred Adler, Carl young, so on 89 00:05:43,900 --> 00:05:48,220 and so on. And two and a half pages of this book was about 90 00:05:48,220 --> 00:05:51,880 solution focused brief therapy. And it was the first time I'd 91 00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:56,380 ever read anything that sounded to me like, Oh, you're like, 92 00:05:56,860 --> 00:06:03,300 actually helping people. And I was mesmerized by it. I later 93 00:06:03,300 --> 00:06:09,360 learned that it's kind of like the the like off in the corner, 94 00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:12,120 fringe, kind of way of doing therapy at the time, like most 95 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:15,360 people weren't practicing this way, or most people didn't know 96 00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:19,440 what this was, but I was just enamored. Like the most 97 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:23,780 important ingredient to change is hope, and solution focused 98 00:06:23,780 --> 00:06:25,880 brief therapy is an approach based on hope, and now I'm 99 00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:30,680 finally reading about that, and it made me decide not to quit 100 00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:35,180 graduate school, to stay the course. I'm so glad I did, 101 00:06:35,180 --> 00:06:38,300 because it completely changed my life. And a little bit about 102 00:06:38,300 --> 00:06:41,020 what solution focused brief therapy is, if you've ever been 103 00:06:41,020 --> 00:06:45,160 to therapy, the first question your therapist likely asked you 104 00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:49,660 is, what brings you in. And the difficulty with that is, if I 105 00:06:49,660 --> 00:06:53,260 start a question off with what brings you in, then I'm 106 00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:58,000 naturally orienting your brain to the problem. So let's say 107 00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:02,280 like what brings you in is you discovered your partner having 108 00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:05,580 an affair, and you walked in my office, I don't know you at all, 109 00:07:05,580 --> 00:07:09,000 and I say, So what brings you in? You have to talk about the 110 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:14,100 most traumatic, difficult, hardest thing, like, 111 00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:18,000 immediately. So what if we started therapy with, what are 112 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:21,620 your best hopes from being here? Like, what if we started therapy 113 00:07:21,620 --> 00:07:27,380 with hoping to achieve now that you're here, we're still aware 114 00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:31,160 that the problem is there, but we're actually going to start 115 00:07:31,340 --> 00:07:36,740 the work from a place of optimism, hope, and those are 116 00:07:36,740 --> 00:07:40,840 the ways that you create change. And I've spent my career 117 00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:43,480 traveling around the world, writing books, doing all kinds 118 00:07:43,480 --> 00:07:49,120 of things to make clinicians and people more aware that this is 119 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:50,680 actually how you create change in your life. 120 00:07:51,460 --> 00:07:56,140 Janice Porter: So have you had pushback from the 121 00:07:56,140 --> 00:08:00,480 traditionalists, or have you, have you opened people's eyes to 122 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:04,920 a new way of of be doing therapy. 123 00:08:05,340 --> 00:08:07,740 Elliot Connie: I think, I think the answer to that is yes, both 124 00:08:07,740 --> 00:08:12,240 have happened. I've had pushback from the traditionalists. I 125 00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:15,540 remember I was one of my first jobs in this field when I 126 00:08:15,540 --> 00:08:18,480 graduated and I got my license. And, you know, I was working as 127 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:21,020 a psychotherapist at an agency. I eventually opened my own 128 00:08:21,020 --> 00:08:25,340 practice, but my first place of work was at this agency, and I 129 00:08:25,340 --> 00:08:28,760 remember, and I was so excited about the work I was doing. And, 130 00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:30,800 you know, sometimes you're so excited, you're like, 131 00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:34,760 delusionally excited, yeah, assume everybody else will be 132 00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:38,600 just as excited as you right? And I was so excited. And I was 133 00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:41,080 in this staff meeting, and I was talking about the work that I do 134 00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:44,980 with this, you know, sfbt. And there was this woman in the in 135 00:08:44,980 --> 00:08:49,660 the room who was a very seasoned psychotherapist, and she got 136 00:08:49,660 --> 00:08:52,540 really annoyed with me, and she said, everybody knows that you 137 00:08:52,540 --> 00:08:56,800 can't do therapy that way, and everybody knows that you you 138 00:08:56,800 --> 00:09:00,100 have to spend three sessions assessing the client problem. 139 00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:03,480 And I was and she was like, really, like, yelling at me in 140 00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:07,140 front of everybody about about this. And that's been, you know, 141 00:09:07,140 --> 00:09:11,100 that has happened. But you know, when you believe in what you do 142 00:09:11,100 --> 00:09:14,280 and you believe in people, you just carry on. And I think I've 143 00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:17,580 also opened a lot of eyes. And now solution focused, brief 144 00:09:17,580 --> 00:09:20,100 therapy isn't just off in the corner of the psychotherapy 145 00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:22,640 field. It's very much mainstream, and part of that is 146 00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:25,160 because of the massive following that I've been able to build in 147 00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:28,220 my in my work. So yeah, there were definitely people that 148 00:09:28,700 --> 00:09:32,840 struggle to understand but once you experience it, you can't, 149 00:09:33,260 --> 00:09:36,260 you can't unexperience it. So, 150 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:40,180 Janice Porter: so the other thing, the other question that 151 00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:44,020 comes to my mind when you just said that it was hope based. 152 00:09:45,100 --> 00:09:48,940 It's funny, because I have this, this thing about the word hope, 153 00:09:49,300 --> 00:09:59,680 and sometimes it and obviously not in your in your realm, but 154 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:03,780 you. Maybe I don't know. Like, for me, hope can sometimes be a 155 00:10:03,780 --> 00:10:08,820 negative term. Like, you know you can hope for the best. You 156 00:10:08,820 --> 00:10:17,040 can hope that things will change. But is that, is hope 157 00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:20,360 enough? Like, do you know what I'm getting at? Because 158 00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:24,020 sometimes I'll change people's wording on things and say No, 159 00:10:24,020 --> 00:10:29,060 don't say hope, say we will, or I want, like, speak in the in 160 00:10:29,060 --> 00:10:31,940 the positive. So can you talk to me about that? 161 00:10:32,420 --> 00:10:34,220 Elliot Connie: Yeah, no, I don't think hope can ever be a 162 00:10:34,220 --> 00:10:36,140 negative, to be very honest. Yeah, well, that's 163 00:10:36,140 --> 00:10:38,600 Janice Porter: why I'm asking you, okay, yeah, but, but I, 164 00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:40,900 Elliot Connie: I think your point is well made. I think 165 00:10:40,900 --> 00:10:47,620 sometimes I think wishing and hope. Sometimes get confused, 166 00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:52,360 but I can't create change without some level of hope. So I 167 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:55,420 might be like, you know, I'm hoping for a million dollars, 168 00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:59,680 yeah. Well, now we have to turn that into action like so what 169 00:10:59,680 --> 00:11:02,040 are you doing to help that hope become true. And how would you 170 00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:04,680 notice that that hope was becoming true? I think what 171 00:11:04,680 --> 00:11:08,700 you're saying is like, the word wish is like, I just wish $4 172 00:11:08,700 --> 00:11:11,580 million which makes it kind of sound like I'm just going to sit 173 00:11:11,580 --> 00:11:14,400 here and wait for it. Yeah, yes, yes, this guy and land on my 174 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:18,900 lap. But I don't think hope is, is ever a negative, because we 175 00:11:18,900 --> 00:11:24,560 need it like it if, if I I wouldn't have gotten out of bed 176 00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:27,980 today if I didn't have some hope that something good could 177 00:11:27,980 --> 00:11:33,620 possibly happen today. So that level of hope, which is that's 178 00:11:33,620 --> 00:11:37,220 what got me out of bed. If I knew if you get out of bed 179 00:11:37,220 --> 00:11:40,600 today, there's a 100% certainty that's going to be the worst day 180 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:43,240 of your life. I never would have gotten out of bed, right, right? 181 00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:46,720 So, like, hope is just a key ingredient that always needs to 182 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:47,860 be there. Yeah, 183 00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:50,380 Janice Porter: okay, fair enough. Fair enough. And you 184 00:11:50,380 --> 00:11:56,260 talk about, in your work, you talk about everybody having a 185 00:11:56,260 --> 00:12:00,900 superpower, yeah? And I love that, and I saw a little 186 00:12:00,900 --> 00:12:04,920 interview you did on Monday morning, morning, Monday 187 00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:07,500 motivational Mondays or something on a television 188 00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:11,940 station, and she was pretty hyped up and motivating herself, 189 00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:17,220 but she was asking you about that. And I liked it because do 190 00:12:17,220 --> 00:12:21,920 you find that the work that you do you're that you are trying to 191 00:12:21,920 --> 00:12:27,680 help the person find their superpower inside, that you 192 00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:30,260 know, that struggle that they're going through, yeah, 193 00:12:30,380 --> 00:12:34,700 Elliot Connie: like we live in such a weird world where most 194 00:12:34,700 --> 00:12:38,720 people are unaware of their superpower. You're so busy 195 00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:42,100 comparing yourself to other people. True like that might not 196 00:12:42,100 --> 00:12:44,800 be your thing. Like I was watching the Olympics over the 197 00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:50,560 past couple weeks too, and I saw an Olympic gymnast named Simone 198 00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:56,320 Biles, and what she can do with her body, I know, is 199 00:12:56,440 --> 00:13:01,920 unbelievable to me. She she can just do things that are just 200 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:06,300 now, if I compare myself to to that, and I'm like, I can't even 201 00:13:06,300 --> 00:13:13,680 do flight of stairs. Yeah, and she's but that might, might not 202 00:13:13,680 --> 00:13:18,480 be my gift. That just happens to be her gift. But, like, I've 203 00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:21,080 written six books, maybe she's not a very good writer, and 204 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:24,860 that's like. So what we end up doing is we spend so much of our 205 00:13:24,860 --> 00:13:28,220 time comparing ourselves to other people and their gifts, 206 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:32,540 and we end up feeling bad about us and our own gifts. And then 207 00:13:32,540 --> 00:13:38,480 the other thing that happens that I think is really dangerous 208 00:13:38,900 --> 00:13:42,760 is, if I were to say to you, like, let's say, you know, you 209 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:46,780 and I are hanging out, Janice. And I said, Man, I just, I just 210 00:13:46,780 --> 00:13:53,860 realized I'm the greatest writer in the world. You're likely to 211 00:13:53,860 --> 00:13:58,240 say to me, all right, calm down, Mr. Arrogance. Like, like, tone 212 00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:02,760 it down a little and and I think, why not let people bask 213 00:14:03,180 --> 00:14:06,540 in their own confidence and in their own joy, and who cares if 214 00:14:06,540 --> 00:14:10,080 I'm wrong? But what's wrong with me thinking I'm the greatest 215 00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:13,440 writer in the world that might create the motivation and the 216 00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:17,760 momentum I need to write the book or to write that blog, and 217 00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:21,920 Janice Porter: we talk about people, at least in the world 218 00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:25,160 that I'm in one of my businesses, that there's a lot 219 00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:29,360 of personal development stuff that goes on and, and they talk 220 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:34,640 a lot about I am statements and and affirmations and things like 221 00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:38,480 that, and, and so to say it is to believe it and to say it, 222 00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:41,620 right? And so of course, yes, yeah. And 223 00:14:41,620 --> 00:14:44,560 Elliot Connie: why not say I'm the best mom in the world? Or 224 00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:50,260 why not say I'm the best drawer in the world? Yeah, I mean, but 225 00:14:50,260 --> 00:14:53,260 we have a tendency. There was actually some research done 226 00:14:53,260 --> 00:14:56,800 several years ago that when people make a statement about 227 00:14:56,800 --> 00:15:00,540 their biggest goals and dreams, the people around. Around them 228 00:15:00,540 --> 00:15:05,580 say something discouraging about it, thinking that it's care. So 229 00:15:05,580 --> 00:15:08,520 it's hard for us to find where our areas of brilliance are, 230 00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:12,540 because people are so busy trying to have you not feel good 231 00:15:12,540 --> 00:15:13,740 about yourself. You 232 00:15:13,740 --> 00:15:15,720 Janice Porter: know, you just reminded me of something too 233 00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:18,480 that like my I have a little granddaughter who's five, and 234 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:23,420 she is a bit of a daredevil, and believe she can do anything, 235 00:15:23,540 --> 00:15:28,280 yes, and to see that and to see how long that will last, right? 236 00:15:28,280 --> 00:15:34,040 Because we, we do. We tend to squeeze that out of them as they 237 00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:38,180 grow up. And I hope that doesn't happen. But yeah, she's I can do 238 00:15:38,180 --> 00:15:41,680 that, I can do that. I can do that right? And, like, just 239 00:15:41,740 --> 00:15:43,660 because she's five, you know? 240 00:15:44,860 --> 00:15:48,040 Elliot Connie: And the world, like, if I if a five year old 241 00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:52,360 said, I want to grow up and become an astronaut, and I said, 242 00:15:52,420 --> 00:15:56,080 You can't do that. That's too hard. Yeah, I look like a jerk 243 00:15:56,080 --> 00:16:00,660 saying that to a five year old, yeah, but for some reason, if a 244 00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:03,960 17 year old said it, and I said, You can't do that. You're that's 245 00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:07,800 too hard. I don't look like a jerk. And I think the goal 246 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:11,280 should be whatever your five year old granddaughter is doing. 247 00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:16,320 The goal should be to have her hold on to that feeling of not 248 00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:19,440 invincibility necessarily, but that feeling of like I can do 249 00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:21,860 anything to hold on to that right, as long as humanly 250 00:16:21,860 --> 00:16:23,120 possible, absolutely, 251 00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:25,820 Janice Porter: and it's just, and that's belief in yourself, 252 00:16:25,820 --> 00:16:28,820 right? And that's learning that that's what that is, is part of 253 00:16:28,820 --> 00:16:33,260 it too, right? So tell me a little bit about your new book. 254 00:16:33,260 --> 00:16:36,020 Change your questions, change your future. Because I think I 255 00:16:36,020 --> 00:16:40,540 love the title, and I think, yeah, I want to hear more. Well, 256 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:42,700 Elliot Connie: the work that I do solution focused brief 257 00:16:42,700 --> 00:16:46,660 therapy is based on questions. It's a psychotherapy that is 258 00:16:46,660 --> 00:16:50,020 based on the therapist asking the client questions that help 259 00:16:50,020 --> 00:16:53,800 them transform their life and how they live it. And for the 260 00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:56,440 last 20 years, I've been working with one of my colleagues, guy 261 00:16:56,440 --> 00:17:03,180 named Dr Adam froh, and so much amazing transformation has been 262 00:17:03,180 --> 00:17:06,660 happening in our work with our clients. We've been we've been 263 00:17:06,660 --> 00:17:09,420 talking for all these years about, like, how could we 264 00:17:09,420 --> 00:17:15,180 somehow, like, bottle that and expose the world to it? Like, 265 00:17:15,180 --> 00:17:18,600 how could we some like, how could we do this? Because the 266 00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:23,120 truth is, the questions you ask yourself. Like, we all know that 267 00:17:23,120 --> 00:17:26,240 self talk is a really important aspect of someone's mental 268 00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:29,480 health, but within self talk, specifically, the kind of 269 00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:33,560 questions you ask yourself are highly determinate in what kind 270 00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:36,980 of life you lead. So Adam and I have been talking for years 271 00:17:36,980 --> 00:17:41,920 about, like, how do we like do this in a way, so that people 272 00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:44,380 could enjoy it in their own time, like they don't 273 00:17:44,380 --> 00:17:47,140 necessarily have to go to therapy to experience that 274 00:17:47,140 --> 00:17:50,920 transformation. And that was really the idea for the book. 275 00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:53,920 And then eventually we got into a position where someone was 276 00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:56,440 willing to publish it and and that's what this book does. Like 277 00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:59,680 it teaches you how to ask the kind of questions that lead 278 00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:02,460 towards a massive transformation in your life. 279 00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:09,000 Janice Porter: So when you said, if you don't necessarily have to 280 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:13,020 go to therapy to you know, make this transformation happen, you 281 00:18:13,020 --> 00:18:16,260 would have to, I think, if you're troubled by something and 282 00:18:16,260 --> 00:18:19,500 you don't believe you can do something, and then you change 283 00:18:19,500 --> 00:18:23,060 the questions for yourself, you still would have a lot to 284 00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:28,580 overcome to to change the actual what's going on in there. Would 285 00:18:28,580 --> 00:18:29,120 you not? 286 00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:31,820 Elliot Connie: Well, you, you would. And I'm not trying to 287 00:18:31,820 --> 00:18:33,140 discourage people out of there. No, 288 00:18:33,140 --> 00:18:35,060 Janice Porter: of course not. Because you're a therapist, I 289 00:18:35,060 --> 00:18:38,480 Elliot Connie: get it, yeah, like, of course you have things 290 00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:44,080 to overcome, but you can read a book, watch a movie, yes, and it 291 00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:47,500 can or anything else, and be inspired to overcome whatever 292 00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:50,020 those obstacles are. Like therapy doesn't have to be the 293 00:18:50,020 --> 00:18:52,420 only way that you create change. This 294 00:18:52,420 --> 00:18:55,660 Janice Porter: is true. This is true. So with what's going on in 295 00:18:55,660 --> 00:18:58,900 your world right now, because I know that you have a TV show 296 00:18:58,900 --> 00:19:01,500 that's about to happen, that you're going to start filming 297 00:19:01,740 --> 00:19:07,680 and will be airing next year, early next year, how much time 298 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:11,640 are you spending helping people through your mental through the 299 00:19:11,700 --> 00:19:13,440 therapist position? 300 00:19:13,860 --> 00:19:17,040 Elliot Connie: People ask me that often, and they're always 301 00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:19,800 surprised by my answer, and that is, I still see clients every 302 00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:23,060 week. Wow, okay, because I love it, like, that's still, I mean, 303 00:19:23,060 --> 00:19:23,300 I've, I've 304 00:19:23,540 --> 00:19:25,820 Janice Porter: got the heart and soul of what you do. Yeah, 305 00:19:25,820 --> 00:19:28,520 Elliot Connie: I travel and lecture, I write books and TV 306 00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:31,400 projects and all of these things, but that's still the 307 00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:33,860 heart and soul of not just what I do, but like, who I am as a 308 00:19:33,860 --> 00:19:38,060 person. So I still see clients one on one. I i sit down on zoom 309 00:19:38,180 --> 00:19:42,340 from whatever hotel I'm staying at or wherever I'm at, and it's 310 00:19:42,340 --> 00:19:43,780 still the foundation of my life. 311 00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:46,120 Janice Porter: Well, that's good to hear, because then you're 312 00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:50,080 still spreading the work and getting the helping as many 313 00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:55,000 people as you can. Yeah. So I find it also interesting when 314 00:19:55,120 --> 00:20:00,180 somebody who's come from a difficult upbringing, you. And 315 00:20:01,020 --> 00:20:08,580 had to be. You had to overcome to get to a to get to college, 316 00:20:08,580 --> 00:20:11,700 to have a degree, to become these things. Did you as a 317 00:20:11,700 --> 00:20:14,520 child, think, did you have aspirations like that? No, you 318 00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:20,360 said, no. You wanted to be a baseball player. So, but even 319 00:20:20,360 --> 00:20:25,640 that, you know, you have to have the willpower and so on to 320 00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:29,540 overcome what you're going through at home. Yes, so how, 321 00:20:29,540 --> 00:20:32,300 how does that? You know, how do you do that? 322 00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:36,440 Elliot Connie: Oh, boy, that's a really good question, and I'm 323 00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:42,400 not sure anybody's ever asked me it quite that way. I didn't 324 00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:46,360 realize I was doing it until after I did it. Okay, like, 325 00:20:46,420 --> 00:20:49,540 while it was happening, if I'm being very honest with you, I 326 00:20:49,540 --> 00:20:54,040 was just trying to get through each day, sure, like, I 327 00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:58,000 certainly was not aware of my strength or resilience or, you 328 00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:01,380 know, while it was happening. Was just, I was just like trying 329 00:21:01,380 --> 00:21:03,900 to get through each day. I really wasn't great at thinking 330 00:21:03,900 --> 00:21:06,300 about what I'm going to do when I'm an adult, because I was so 331 00:21:06,300 --> 00:21:07,440 busy focusing on, 332 00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:10,020 Janice Porter: Were you busy trying to survive? Because I 333 00:21:10,020 --> 00:21:12,600 think I understand you don't have to get into it, but that 334 00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:18,720 your dad was the difficult one. But yeah, and so your mom kind 335 00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:22,340 of straddled, I'm guessing, between keeping the peace and 336 00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:26,600 looking after you. And you have siblings, I'm not sure, two 337 00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:31,760 siblings, yeah, and and then so, and it would have affected all 338 00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:36,020 of you differently, but, yeah, I don't know. I'm just curious, 339 00:21:36,020 --> 00:21:39,740 because it takes, yeah, I, 340 00:21:40,100 --> 00:21:44,980 Elliot Connie: I was trying to survive, and emotionally more so 341 00:21:44,980 --> 00:21:47,500 than physical. I mean, there was some there were lots of physical 342 00:21:47,500 --> 00:21:50,440 things that were happening, but it was just an emotional 343 00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:54,700 challenge. But I can tell you, the moment I realized, like, oh 344 00:21:54,700 --> 00:21:58,900 my gosh, I think I might be stronger than the average 345 00:21:58,900 --> 00:22:02,500 person. And I don't mean that to put down anybody else, but there 346 00:22:02,500 --> 00:22:05,520 was a was a moment when I realized, in order for me to be 347 00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:08,760 where I am, I have to have some level of strength. I had never 348 00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:13,140 really thought about that before, and it happened in my 349 00:22:13,140 --> 00:22:19,080 second year of college. I was really depressed, like really 350 00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:22,460 struggling, and I was comparing myself to all these other people 351 00:22:22,460 --> 00:22:26,120 and everybody else, their their parents would like, send them 352 00:22:26,120 --> 00:22:31,460 money. You know, back then there was no PayPal or cash app. You 353 00:22:31,460 --> 00:22:34,280 had to, like, you know, you had to, like, write your college 354 00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:37,880 child a check and mail it. And my buddies would all go to the 355 00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:40,940 mailbox and open a letter, and they'd be like, Wow, my mom sent 356 00:22:40,940 --> 00:22:45,460 me 20 bucks. And yeah, and I just didn't have things like 357 00:22:45,460 --> 00:22:51,280 that in my life. And one day, it hit me that a lot of the people 358 00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:57,040 around me had significantly more advantages than I had, like, 359 00:22:57,100 --> 00:23:01,620 infinitely more advantages than I had, and I had, like every 360 00:23:01,620 --> 00:23:05,700 disadvantage you could possibly have, and somehow I ended up at 361 00:23:05,700 --> 00:23:09,480 the same university, right that they did. I ended up taking the 362 00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:13,020 same classes that they were taking, living in the same dorm 363 00:23:13,020 --> 00:23:16,560 room that, or dorm building they were living in. And I just 364 00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:21,980 thought that must say something about me that's positive. Maybe 365 00:23:21,980 --> 00:23:28,160 my ability to endure, overcome, handle difficult things, maybe 366 00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:35,120 my ability to do these things has been honed through fire, and 367 00:23:35,180 --> 00:23:40,720 for the first time in my life, I was proud to come from the 368 00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:43,600 struggle that I came from, where I used to hide it. I used to I 369 00:23:44,260 --> 00:23:47,260 didn't want anybody to know because I was ashamed. But that 370 00:23:47,260 --> 00:23:51,940 one thought in one instant, in one moment, like a light bulb, 371 00:23:52,060 --> 00:23:55,600 yeah, and it was like, I think, I think I can pat myself on the 372 00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:58,840 back for being strong, because if I wasn't strong, I wouldn't 373 00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:00,280 be, I wouldn't be where I am. 374 00:24:01,060 --> 00:24:03,960 Janice Porter: Well, that was, do you see that as a turning 375 00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:07,080 point? Yeah, for sure, absolutely, yeah. So I wrote 376 00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:10,080 something down that that I heard you say in something I listened 377 00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:15,060 to and you said to you, I am an overcomer, yes, right? And you 378 00:24:15,120 --> 00:24:18,000 and then I wrote this quote down because I love this. Your rear 379 00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:25,040 view mirror is littered with examples of your epicness. We 380 00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:28,820 just have to remember to look, or you just have to remember to 381 00:24:28,820 --> 00:24:32,780 look. I love that. That was so cool, because that was your 382 00:24:32,780 --> 00:24:39,500 place where you learned that you you've overcome all, all of this 383 00:24:39,500 --> 00:24:41,620 in your rear view mirror, everything that was there, but 384 00:24:41,620 --> 00:24:44,500 now you know you're strong enough to and resilient enough 385 00:24:44,500 --> 00:24:47,500 to to carry on and do what you want to do. 386 00:24:47,620 --> 00:24:49,420 Elliot Connie: That's right. Like, once I believe that about 387 00:24:49,420 --> 00:24:54,100 myself, yes, then I, like, I can now take on the next challenge. 388 00:24:54,580 --> 00:24:59,500 Like, because I when you look in your past and everyone, everyone 389 00:24:59,500 --> 00:25:02,880 look, I. Sure that everyone who's listening. You all have 390 00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:05,820 mistakes in your past. There are things you're ashamed of, there 391 00:25:05,820 --> 00:25:08,280 are things you're embarrassed by. I'm sure all that's true, 392 00:25:08,460 --> 00:25:11,820 but there's also evidence of your greatness. There's also 393 00:25:11,820 --> 00:25:14,460 evidence of your brilliance. There's also a challenge you 394 00:25:14,460 --> 00:25:17,940 overcome, a difficult thing you succeeded through. There's this 395 00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:21,320 a wonderful accomplishment that you have. And we have a tendency 396 00:25:21,380 --> 00:25:25,100 to take accomplishment for granted and take accountability 397 00:25:25,100 --> 00:25:30,020 for mistakes. In fact, adults even encourage this, but like, 398 00:25:30,020 --> 00:25:32,600 if you make a mistake, how many times have people said you need 399 00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:36,320 to own your mistakes? Well, yeah, that's true, but how many 400 00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:39,020 times do people say you need to own your greatness? Because 401 00:25:39,020 --> 00:25:42,460 that's equally true. So when you accomplish something like you 402 00:25:42,460 --> 00:25:46,960 get an A in school, or you, you know, have a successful 403 00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:51,760 business, or lose 10 pounds, or whatever it is, remember to take 404 00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:55,180 credit for the thing you accomplished, right, and you 405 00:25:55,180 --> 00:25:59,260 will be much more able to handle whatever obstacles are thrown 406 00:25:59,260 --> 00:26:03,360 your way. I'm now convinced I can overcome anything thrown at 407 00:26:03,360 --> 00:26:06,480 me simply because I have a history of overcoming everything 408 00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:07,020 thrown at me. 409 00:26:08,460 --> 00:26:11,340 Janice Porter: I love that. That's so cool. Okay, Let's 410 00:26:11,340 --> 00:26:14,340 lighten things up. A little bit. I watched you do some stand up 411 00:26:14,340 --> 00:26:19,140 comedy. Yes, at the improv. Yeah, right. Tell me about that. 412 00:26:19,140 --> 00:26:22,220 So are you? Are you a closet comedian, or what, 413 00:26:22,220 --> 00:26:25,580 Elliot Connie: a little bit, little bit more out than 414 00:26:25,820 --> 00:26:29,180 closeted. But what happened, my TV show was being executive 415 00:26:29,180 --> 00:26:32,360 produced by a woman named Tiffany Haddish. Oh, really. 416 00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:37,580 Okay, and we, we were working on on the show, and the development 417 00:26:37,580 --> 00:26:38,360 for, like, talk about 418 00:26:38,360 --> 00:26:41,140 Janice Porter: overcoming. Yeah, that woman is, 419 00:26:43,120 --> 00:26:46,240 Elliot Connie: she is the poster child for overcoming totally. 420 00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:53,320 And we were, we were talking one day, and she said, you should 421 00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:58,960 try stand up. And I was like, Absolutely not. Like, No way. 422 00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:02,280 I'm not doing stand up. It's not something I ever desired to do 423 00:27:02,340 --> 00:27:05,460 whatever like me not writing the book, right? She said, but 424 00:27:05,460 --> 00:27:09,840 you're really funny. You should try. Stan said, no way. So a 425 00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:15,360 little time goes by and I was actually with her. She was doing 426 00:27:15,360 --> 00:27:18,840 stand up someplace, and she said, Will you introduce me? And 427 00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:22,280 I said, Sure. And she said, you know, in order to introduce me, 428 00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:24,980 you have to do five minutes of comedy. And I said, well, then 429 00:27:24,980 --> 00:27:28,640 never mind. I'm not going to do it. Thank you, smart, yeah. And 430 00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:32,720 she was so disappointed in me that I wouldn't do it. I said to 431 00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:35,120 her, alright, Tiffany, I promise you the next time you ask me, 432 00:27:35,120 --> 00:27:38,480 I'll do it. And a few months later, she's like, Alright, I'm 433 00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:41,440 asking you now. I'm going on the road. I'm going to San Jose, 434 00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:46,540 California. I want you to come with me and perform. I had never 435 00:27:46,540 --> 00:27:50,920 performed before, but I'm not foreign to taking stages and 436 00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:52,180 Exactly. 437 00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:54,520 Janice Porter: And I got that from the little bit that I saw 438 00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:57,220 too. You were very comfortable on stage. Yeah, yeah. 439 00:27:57,220 --> 00:28:01,320 Elliot Connie: So I went, and it was so much fun, and I've now 440 00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:04,260 done it, you know, 50 times, maybe, like, I've done it lots. 441 00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:08,160 Oh, that's outrageous, um, but it was all because Tiffany, 442 00:28:08,460 --> 00:28:12,600 Tiffany has this amazing gift, like, I hope everyone and I hope 443 00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:16,260 people are experiencing the gift Tiffany has through this 444 00:28:16,260 --> 00:28:20,720 podcast. Tiffany has this amazing gift that she can see a 445 00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:24,320 skill or talent that someone else has, and she becomes an 446 00:28:24,320 --> 00:28:28,700 advocate to that skill or talent, whether, if, like, if 447 00:28:28,700 --> 00:28:32,180 you are singing around Tiffany and she can hear you sing, 448 00:28:32,180 --> 00:28:34,640 she'll be like, You should do that. I want you to go write a 449 00:28:34,640 --> 00:28:39,200 song and sing it for me, see if I can play it for, like, some 450 00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:41,260 music producers that I know, like she's, she's 451 00:28:41,260 --> 00:28:43,780 Janice Porter: just that way. He wants to help people too, 452 00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:44,620 obviously, 453 00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:48,280 Elliot Connie: yeah, and I, and I think, I think having friends 454 00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:51,340 like that, having people in your life like that, that's why I 455 00:28:51,340 --> 00:28:53,920 said a whole people experiences. I hope, through this podcast, 456 00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:57,220 someone becomes more aware of what their own talent and 457 00:28:57,220 --> 00:29:01,440 brilliance is, and they do something to pursue it, because 458 00:29:01,440 --> 00:29:04,800 I think that's what makes life so amazing. How did you meet 459 00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:11,340 her? We so it's funny. The woman who discovered me, some woman 460 00:29:11,340 --> 00:29:15,300 and someone in LA saw my YouTube work that's literally just about 461 00:29:15,300 --> 00:29:17,520 psychotherapy, and they thought, Man, this guy would be really 462 00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:23,180 good on a TV show about psychotherapy. And that woman 463 00:29:23,240 --> 00:29:28,760 who is now my my manager, knows Tiffany Haddish from years ago, 464 00:29:28,940 --> 00:29:33,140 and they bumped into each other about, you know, six months into 465 00:29:33,140 --> 00:29:38,120 me having like, all of this happening, and heard about the 466 00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:40,840 work I was doing, and said, I want to be a part of his TV 467 00:29:40,840 --> 00:29:43,360 show. So, and then when I met Tiffany, we just, we just 468 00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:45,220 clicked. We just instantly clicked, 469 00:29:45,220 --> 00:29:48,280 Janice Porter: well, and there are no accidents. No, I don't 470 00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:51,700 know. So no, I don't either. So that's, that's very special. 471 00:29:51,700 --> 00:29:56,140 Thank you for sharing that and and the joke that I heard you 472 00:29:56,140 --> 00:30:00,420 tell was funny, too. Thank you. Do you remember? You know what 473 00:30:00,420 --> 00:30:01,200 I'm thinking of. 474 00:30:01,500 --> 00:30:02,940 Elliot Connie: No, okay, so 475 00:30:02,940 --> 00:30:07,080 Janice Porter: you were 11 years old, and you'd moved to a new 476 00:30:07,080 --> 00:30:12,240 school, and it was the first white family you'd ever met, and 477 00:30:12,300 --> 00:30:15,600 Eric, your friend, your new friend, took you home, right? 478 00:30:15,660 --> 00:30:18,840 Yeah. It was a funny story that people have to go find it. I'll 479 00:30:18,840 --> 00:30:23,120 have to put it on, yeah. But it was, it was funny, and it was, 480 00:30:23,180 --> 00:30:28,100 it was, um, well told as well. So well that that poses another 481 00:30:28,100 --> 00:30:31,400 question for me, because now that you've done this several 482 00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:34,760 times, where do you get your material? Do you actually write 483 00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:35,660 your material? Do 484 00:30:35,660 --> 00:30:39,380 Elliot Connie: you, yeah, actually do that? And I tell 485 00:30:39,380 --> 00:30:42,160 stuff, like real stuff for my for my life, like that situation 486 00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:44,680 with my friend was real. That's real stuff for my life. That's 487 00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:46,720 Janice Porter: the best stuff. When it's real, it's the best. 488 00:30:46,900 --> 00:30:52,600 Well, okay, this has been so much fun. So we were serious. We 489 00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:55,540 had a little fun. I'm just going to wrap it up with a couple of 490 00:30:55,540 --> 00:30:58,540 quick questions that I just like to find out, because I am 491 00:30:58,540 --> 00:31:04,200 curious. And my my most Well, my favorite question to ask is, and 492 00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:06,660 it'd be interesting asking you actually, because my favorite 493 00:31:06,660 --> 00:31:11,160 word is curiosity, and I want to know if you think curiosity is 494 00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:15,540 innate or learned. And second part of the question is, what 495 00:31:15,540 --> 00:31:17,700 are you most curious about these days? 496 00:31:18,900 --> 00:31:22,040 Elliot Connie: I do think curiosity is innate. One of the 497 00:31:22,040 --> 00:31:25,820 first things we have as newborn children is curiosity, and 498 00:31:25,820 --> 00:31:29,900 that's how we discover the world around us. I think as adults, we 499 00:31:29,900 --> 00:31:34,820 have to develop what I call empathic curiosity, and because 500 00:31:34,820 --> 00:31:41,860 curiosity is if I said to you, Janice, where'd you get that 501 00:31:41,860 --> 00:31:46,900 shirt? I'm asking selfishly because I want to know where you 502 00:31:46,900 --> 00:31:50,140 got that shirt, because I might want to go get that shirt too, 503 00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:56,740 right? Empathic curiosity is like, it's not so much. I'm 504 00:31:56,740 --> 00:31:59,980 asking because I want the information for my own needs. 505 00:32:00,220 --> 00:32:04,020 I'm asking because I want you to hear the answer to the that 506 00:32:04,020 --> 00:32:06,120 you're going to give to the question, because I think the 507 00:32:06,120 --> 00:32:07,500 answer will make you feel better. 508 00:32:07,860 --> 00:32:08,880 Unknown: I do that. I 509 00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:12,480 Elliot Connie: love that. Yes. So a question that might do that 510 00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:15,840 might be Janice. How did you know you would look so nice in 511 00:32:15,840 --> 00:32:20,360 that shirt? Because the as you answer that question, you're 512 00:32:20,360 --> 00:32:24,440 kind of giving yourself a compliment, and being able to 513 00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:27,200 ask people questions, not just because you want to know the 514 00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:30,980 answer, but you want them to hear themselves give the answer. 515 00:32:31,220 --> 00:32:33,680 That's another level of curiosity that I think the 516 00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:36,320 Janice Porter: best answer I've ever gotten that's so good, 517 00:32:36,620 --> 00:32:37,280 yeah, I 518 00:32:37,280 --> 00:32:39,560 Elliot Connie: so I call it empathic curiosity. Empathic 519 00:32:39,560 --> 00:32:40,280 curiosity. 520 00:32:40,280 --> 00:32:43,180 Janice Porter: I love it. Okay? And what are you most curious 521 00:32:43,180 --> 00:32:43,840 about today? 522 00:32:45,040 --> 00:32:49,720 Elliot Connie: Um, wow, that's a good question. I'm most curious 523 00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:55,180 about blessings. I'm I'm so interested to see what the next 524 00:32:55,180 --> 00:32:59,380 blessing will be, where it will come from, what shape it will 525 00:32:59,380 --> 00:33:06,300 take. And just, I'm really excited, also curious about 526 00:33:06,300 --> 00:33:08,160 whatever it is around the corner. I 527 00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:10,560 Janice Porter: love it. That's amazing. And you know what? 528 00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:13,560 There are great things coming for you. Still around the 529 00:33:13,560 --> 00:33:16,920 corner, I can tell I just yeah, there's lots going on for you. 530 00:33:17,340 --> 00:33:19,860 So where can people find you? 531 00:33:20,940 --> 00:33:23,120 Elliot Connie: You can find me on my website, at Elliot 532 00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:26,060 connie.com make sure you spell my name with 2l and two T's, 533 00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:30,440 Elliot connie.com or you can find me on all of the social 534 00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:35,960 media platforms at Elliot speaks, Instagram, Facebook, X 535 00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:36,920 threads. 536 00:33:37,340 --> 00:33:39,080 Janice Porter: I'll put all that in the show notes. So that's 537 00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:43,900 Yeah, okay. Well, I this has been amazing, and I appreciate 538 00:33:43,900 --> 00:33:50,080 your time, and I appreciate you and your wisdom for everything 539 00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:52,420 that you've shared with us. And I wish you well with your new 540 00:33:52,420 --> 00:33:55,840 book. I wish you well with your new TV show, and I'll be a fan 541 00:33:55,840 --> 00:33:59,140 and checking it out if I'm able to see it, because I'm in 542 00:33:59,140 --> 00:34:03,360 Canada, so who knows, right? But we'll, we'll stay in touch and 543 00:34:03,360 --> 00:34:06,960 make sure that that happens. So thank you again, and thank you 544 00:34:06,960 --> 00:34:10,740 to my audience, and all that information will be in the show 545 00:34:10,740 --> 00:34:16,620 notes, so you can follow Elliot and watch him his next blessing. 546 00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:20,700 Elliot Connie: Thank you so much for having me. You.