1 00:00:08,101 --> 00:00:10,501 Well, Hey everybody, Jonathan Doyle with you. 2 00:00:10,501 --> 00:00:12,511 Once again, welcome to the daily podcast. 3 00:00:12,511 --> 00:00:14,281 Great to have you with me here in the studio. 4 00:00:14,311 --> 00:00:15,001 Hope you're doing well. 5 00:00:15,031 --> 00:00:16,921 Wherever you're listening in the world. 6 00:00:17,731 --> 00:00:20,011 This weather is terrible yesterday. 7 00:00:20,041 --> 00:00:22,261 My son and I are out on the motorbike. 8 00:00:22,501 --> 00:00:23,911 We were trying to get north. 9 00:00:24,601 --> 00:00:27,991 And I have never experienced wind like it. 10 00:00:27,991 --> 00:00:29,911 We were hidden to this small town. 11 00:00:30,391 --> 00:00:35,971 And literally got blown across the road in, uh, into the other lanes. 12 00:00:35,971 --> 00:00:37,231 It was quite extraordinary. 13 00:00:37,231 --> 00:00:41,281 So, uh, wherever you are in the world right now, I hope you have nice weather. 14 00:00:41,281 --> 00:00:42,421 I hope it's sunny. 15 00:00:42,781 --> 00:00:46,861 I hope it's humid and temperate and, uh, yes, indeed. 16 00:00:46,861 --> 00:00:50,851 I hope you're enjoying, cause it's been a long start to the winter here, but, uh, 17 00:00:51,631 --> 00:00:55,441 You know, always a chance to get outdoors and do stuff out of the studio today. 18 00:00:55,471 --> 00:00:58,501 I'm going to, uh, get across and do some mountain biking with 19 00:00:58,501 --> 00:00:59,551 my son, which will be great. 20 00:01:00,181 --> 00:01:01,231 I did some crazy stuff. 21 00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:02,281 The last few days I did. 22 00:01:02,851 --> 00:01:07,231 I've done back-to-back hundred kilometer rides the last two days and yesterday 23 00:01:07,231 --> 00:01:09,481 I'm just completely wrecked myself. 24 00:01:09,961 --> 00:01:11,491 I know many of you go, why do you do this? 25 00:01:11,491 --> 00:01:12,691 And I go, I'm not a no. 26 00:01:12,961 --> 00:01:16,381 It's just kind of, I get up each day and I just want to do stuff. 27 00:01:16,411 --> 00:01:20,221 I want to just keep moving, keep moving forward, keep improving as best I can. 28 00:01:20,821 --> 00:01:21,601 You know where I live. 29 00:01:21,601 --> 00:01:22,441 There's this old guy. 30 00:01:22,441 --> 00:01:24,481 He must be in his look, gotta know. 31 00:01:24,811 --> 00:01:26,191 Seventies, even old. 32 00:01:26,371 --> 00:01:29,011 Um, any people who are in their seventies who just got offended. 33 00:01:29,011 --> 00:01:29,491 I'm really sorry. 34 00:01:29,491 --> 00:01:30,061 I didn't mean old. 35 00:01:30,091 --> 00:01:32,011 I mean, older, older than me and, uh, 36 00:01:32,611 --> 00:01:33,601 He is phenomenal. 37 00:01:33,661 --> 00:01:34,891 He mid-winter. 38 00:01:34,921 --> 00:01:37,501 I see this guy every day in his shorts. 39 00:01:37,501 --> 00:01:38,431 He wears shorts. 40 00:01:38,881 --> 00:01:42,061 Uh, he's got a beanie on, so he's got a head covering, but that's about it. 41 00:01:42,811 --> 00:01:44,401 And he's just running up these crazy hill. 42 00:01:44,401 --> 00:01:45,511 He's barely moving. 43 00:01:45,511 --> 00:01:47,161 Like he's just shuffling up the hill. 44 00:01:47,731 --> 00:01:51,781 But full props to him, you know, like, you know, some of us can still do, uh, 45 00:01:51,901 --> 00:01:53,581 You know, really big distances and. 46 00:01:54,241 --> 00:01:57,751 And we can try and fast, but just to see this guy out there at sort of, you 47 00:01:57,751 --> 00:02:01,351 know, mid seventies in the freezing weather, just still banging it out. 48 00:02:01,351 --> 00:02:05,011 So as I've been saying a lot in recent podcasts, it doesn't matter. 49 00:02:05,641 --> 00:02:08,551 What you do, it just matters that you're doing something. 50 00:02:09,211 --> 00:02:11,551 You know, we're all gonna have different levels of physical activity, 51 00:02:11,551 --> 00:02:13,381 but, uh, I'm big on this lately. 52 00:02:13,381 --> 00:02:18,331 I just think we are made to move, uh, culture and technology have allowed us a 53 00:02:18,571 --> 00:02:21,721 certain level of experience at the moment. 54 00:02:21,721 --> 00:02:22,561 It's very easy. 55 00:02:23,071 --> 00:02:26,581 To, um, to stay comfortable to stay where you are push so out. 56 00:02:27,211 --> 00:02:29,971 And as I pretty much sound every episode, you're not going to feel like it. 57 00:02:29,971 --> 00:02:30,751 Most of the time. 58 00:02:31,231 --> 00:02:34,801 The, uh, the good stuff comes afterwards and I should qualify something. 59 00:02:34,801 --> 00:02:38,281 Cause lately I've been talking a lot about how the body leads the mind. 60 00:02:38,671 --> 00:02:40,861 When you're in a negative emotional state. 61 00:02:41,581 --> 00:02:45,121 Often, what will happen is that you, you will never think your way 62 00:02:45,121 --> 00:02:46,981 into doing what you need to do. 63 00:02:46,981 --> 00:02:50,731 You'll never suddenly think about it rationally and go, yes, I really 64 00:02:50,731 --> 00:02:53,341 need this exercise or I want to go and do that for my health. 65 00:02:53,941 --> 00:02:57,271 But once you start to move, once you just make yourself move things happen. 66 00:02:57,271 --> 00:03:01,201 So that's the basis of my mantra that the body leads the mind. 67 00:03:01,201 --> 00:03:05,041 You need to just do the thing first, and then your mind comes on board later. 68 00:03:05,461 --> 00:03:08,341 But I want to actually add an interesting paradox to this because I think there's 69 00:03:08,341 --> 00:03:10,681 a, a certain level of reciprocity here. 70 00:03:10,681 --> 00:03:13,261 There's a reciprocal relationship between the body. 71 00:03:13,711 --> 00:03:16,231 And the mind yest the body leads the mind. 72 00:03:16,861 --> 00:03:19,501 So we often need to just act, take the action first. 73 00:03:19,501 --> 00:03:22,351 And then, then a mind comes on board afterwards and tells us how 74 00:03:22,351 --> 00:03:23,791 brilliant we were for doing it. 75 00:03:24,421 --> 00:03:28,111 But we also need to realize that the, um, the mind also leads the body. 76 00:03:28,111 --> 00:03:28,861 How is it possible? 77 00:03:28,891 --> 00:03:32,491 How can these two things exist at the same time in parallel intention? 78 00:03:33,001 --> 00:03:35,551 Well, the answer is because often when you're out training 79 00:03:35,551 --> 00:03:36,631 or when I'm out training. 80 00:03:37,201 --> 00:03:38,461 And I'm doing something hard. 81 00:03:39,091 --> 00:03:40,381 The bodies in play. 82 00:03:40,381 --> 00:03:40,591 Right. 83 00:03:40,591 --> 00:03:43,801 You're doing stuff, but the mind actually has to override the 84 00:03:43,801 --> 00:03:45,601 experience of suffering and pain. 85 00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:48,691 I'm not encouraging you to go and experience suffering and pain. 86 00:03:48,691 --> 00:03:50,701 I'm encouraging you to speak to your healthcare professional 87 00:03:50,701 --> 00:03:51,631 before you do anything. 88 00:03:52,441 --> 00:03:54,571 But it is interesting that this is weird. 89 00:03:55,141 --> 00:03:58,921 Sort of symbiosis happening where we need that catalyst. 90 00:03:58,921 --> 00:04:00,391 We need to get started physically. 91 00:04:00,391 --> 00:04:04,051 We just need to move now knowing that we won't feel like it, like, you know, 92 00:04:04,051 --> 00:04:05,701 getting on the mountain bike later today. 93 00:04:06,451 --> 00:04:09,271 It's just not going to be super pleasant for those first few minutes, 94 00:04:09,271 --> 00:04:10,531 but afterwards it will be great. 95 00:04:10,831 --> 00:04:12,931 But once I'm out there going up a hard hill. 96 00:04:13,441 --> 00:04:16,291 The bodies out in action, the bodies come to the party, but then 97 00:04:16,291 --> 00:04:20,071 sometimes the mind then needs to step, step in and push the body along 98 00:04:20,071 --> 00:04:22,351 and get the body to ignore or to. 99 00:04:22,771 --> 00:04:24,391 How do I say this without getting sued? 100 00:04:24,451 --> 00:04:27,721 Uh, get the body to keep going when the body just wants to stop. 101 00:04:28,051 --> 00:04:30,991 So do you see this interesting relationship here between, you know, 102 00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:32,581 we need to take the action first. 103 00:04:33,001 --> 00:04:35,551 And then once we're out there and we want to quit, then the mind 104 00:04:35,551 --> 00:04:37,141 steps in says, no, we keep going. 105 00:04:37,141 --> 00:04:37,741 We keep going. 106 00:04:37,741 --> 00:04:38,881 Cause it is phenomenal. 107 00:04:38,911 --> 00:04:42,511 What the mind can actually do, how the mind can, you know, the 108 00:04:42,511 --> 00:04:44,641 body almost always wants to quit. 109 00:04:44,641 --> 00:04:44,911 Right. 110 00:04:45,481 --> 00:04:48,181 Our body constantly wants to give in and wants to wants comfort. 111 00:04:48,181 --> 00:04:49,021 It wants food. 112 00:04:49,021 --> 00:04:49,891 It wants rest. 113 00:04:50,521 --> 00:04:52,081 So this is fascinating relationship. 114 00:04:52,081 --> 00:04:52,711 I really like it. 115 00:04:52,771 --> 00:04:56,641 And I was thinking before about, um, Mel Robbins book, uh, the five second 116 00:04:56,641 --> 00:05:00,661 rule, I've spoken about it before she talks about what psychologists and 117 00:05:00,661 --> 00:05:03,211 scientists refer to as activation energy. 118 00:05:03,811 --> 00:05:05,221 That often, if you want to get out. 119 00:05:05,221 --> 00:05:07,981 And by the way, today's message is not about physical training and just 120 00:05:07,981 --> 00:05:09,601 sort of just, just how it got started. 121 00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:10,771 I got some good stuff coming for you. 122 00:05:10,801 --> 00:05:11,191 Hang in there. 123 00:05:11,611 --> 00:05:13,291 But she talks about activation energy. 124 00:05:13,891 --> 00:05:17,551 Which is often, you know, when we have to do something that we don't really 125 00:05:17,551 --> 00:05:20,371 want to do, whether it's physical, whether it's work-related, whether 126 00:05:20,371 --> 00:05:21,991 it's parenting or relationships. 127 00:05:22,531 --> 00:05:26,131 Often when it is activation energy, we just need enough energy to get started. 128 00:05:26,281 --> 00:05:28,591 And once that momentum kicks in, then we get going. 129 00:05:29,191 --> 00:05:32,611 One way to think about it would be like a snowball and the top of the mountain. 130 00:05:32,611 --> 00:05:32,821 Right? 131 00:05:33,601 --> 00:05:36,391 You think of the devastation that could cause by the time it reaches 132 00:05:36,391 --> 00:05:38,581 the bottom, but it doesn't need a lot of energy to get started. 133 00:05:38,581 --> 00:05:40,651 Does it a little roll off the top of that hill? 134 00:05:40,681 --> 00:05:44,521 A little tiny bit of activation energy and then the momentum kicks in and off you go, 135 00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:48,181 it's a good metaphor for physical training for changing anything in your life. 136 00:05:48,211 --> 00:05:48,931 Sometimes. 137 00:05:49,381 --> 00:05:50,371 We don't take action. 138 00:05:50,371 --> 00:05:53,521 We get daunted because there seems so much ahead of us that we just think, 139 00:05:53,521 --> 00:05:54,661 how are we ever going to get there? 140 00:05:54,991 --> 00:05:56,461 But what we need is activation energy. 141 00:05:56,461 --> 00:05:57,511 We just need to start. 142 00:05:58,051 --> 00:06:01,381 And you should get that little bit of momentum going or some things happen now. 143 00:06:02,401 --> 00:06:03,181 Let's get started. 144 00:06:03,271 --> 00:06:05,521 Uh, please subscribe, hit that subscribe button. 145 00:06:05,521 --> 00:06:06,571 If you haven't already done it. 146 00:06:06,571 --> 00:06:07,561 It is awesome though. 147 00:06:07,921 --> 00:06:09,871 Podcast numbers are going up every single day. 148 00:06:09,871 --> 00:06:10,921 So I really appreciate it. 149 00:06:10,921 --> 00:06:11,911 If you could subscribe. 150 00:06:12,301 --> 00:06:14,761 And, um, if you could leave a review, if you just leave a review 151 00:06:14,761 --> 00:06:17,821 somewhere, wherever you're listening, Spotify, apple, podcasts, Google, 152 00:06:17,881 --> 00:06:19,741 whatever it is, leave a review. 153 00:06:20,011 --> 00:06:20,551 That'd be great. 154 00:06:20,551 --> 00:06:24,121 And, um, please check out the show notes today. 155 00:06:24,151 --> 00:06:26,821 In the show notes, you will find how to get access to my book. 156 00:06:27,181 --> 00:06:28,681 Bridging the gap for free. 157 00:06:28,711 --> 00:06:31,921 You can find out how to book me to speak and, uh, you can find it how to 158 00:06:31,921 --> 00:06:33,481 come across to the YouTube version. 159 00:06:33,961 --> 00:06:36,931 I've been posting some of my training in the YouTube version. 160 00:06:36,931 --> 00:06:40,051 So you can actually see me stuck halfway up a hill in a freezing Gale. 161 00:06:40,891 --> 00:06:43,561 If that's a, if that's your thing, so friends take out the show notes, 162 00:06:43,591 --> 00:06:44,671 please make sure you subscribe. 163 00:06:44,671 --> 00:06:45,331 Let's jump in. 164 00:06:45,901 --> 00:06:49,441 Uh, this is the, I guess right about the third in a series of 165 00:06:49,441 --> 00:06:52,171 listener questions that, um, you know, it's been great people. 166 00:06:52,171 --> 00:06:55,051 Have I reached out a week ago and said, Hey, tell me what you want me to cover. 167 00:06:55,681 --> 00:06:57,451 And I want to hit three today. 168 00:06:57,451 --> 00:06:58,681 I'm going to try and be brief. 169 00:06:59,191 --> 00:07:01,231 Uh, three separate listener questions. 170 00:07:01,231 --> 00:07:03,961 One is about how we deal with toxic people in the workplace. 171 00:07:04,411 --> 00:07:07,621 The second one was about how we deal with relationship trust issues. 172 00:07:08,341 --> 00:07:10,651 And the third is how we deal with the experience of guilt. 173 00:07:11,251 --> 00:07:12,421 So isn't that interesting. 174 00:07:12,601 --> 00:07:15,121 Just humans, all these different challenges we face. 175 00:07:15,121 --> 00:07:17,521 But, you know, I could say that all of us at some point 176 00:07:17,521 --> 00:07:18,601 have faced one of these, right. 177 00:07:18,661 --> 00:07:20,911 We've all had difficulties with toxic people. 178 00:07:21,271 --> 00:07:24,811 We've all had challenges in relationships and we've all experienced guilt at some 179 00:07:24,811 --> 00:07:28,531 point, unless you are perfect at which point you do not need this podcast, 180 00:07:28,891 --> 00:07:33,031 you are free to stop listening now, but for the rest of us, let's press on. 181 00:07:34,051 --> 00:07:37,411 Let's press on toxic people, a couple of points. 182 00:07:38,071 --> 00:07:40,501 The first thing we have to, you know, w what are we talking about here? 183 00:07:40,501 --> 00:07:43,051 We're talking about the office psychopath psychopath. 184 00:07:43,501 --> 00:07:45,211 We're talking about sociopath's. 185 00:07:45,541 --> 00:07:47,281 Um, my understanding. 186 00:07:47,581 --> 00:07:50,101 I think if I got this right, the difference between sociopaths and 187 00:07:50,101 --> 00:07:52,801 psychopaths, just in case you want to check who you're working with. 188 00:07:53,311 --> 00:07:56,911 Uh, sociopath's I think have no sense. 189 00:07:57,391 --> 00:07:59,341 Of their impact upon others. 190 00:07:59,341 --> 00:08:03,571 So you'll often get sociopathy merging with narcissistic personality disorder. 191 00:08:04,081 --> 00:08:06,931 So this'll be the kind of people that they just don't get it. 192 00:08:06,961 --> 00:08:11,161 They just fundamentally do not in any way understand. 193 00:08:11,731 --> 00:08:12,481 That there. 194 00:08:12,901 --> 00:08:15,181 That they're bullying the rudeness. 195 00:08:15,181 --> 00:08:16,891 They disrespect they're undermined. 196 00:08:16,951 --> 00:08:19,201 They just don't get the fact that it affects other people. 197 00:08:19,201 --> 00:08:21,181 Totally just don't have that apparatus. 198 00:08:21,811 --> 00:08:25,231 Um, and then, you know, you couple that with a narcissistic personality disorder. 199 00:08:26,131 --> 00:08:29,581 Where their essential filter is nothing other than themselves. 200 00:08:29,581 --> 00:08:34,381 So they don't filter the world through how do I support those around me? 201 00:08:34,381 --> 00:08:36,181 How do I meet other people's needs? 202 00:08:36,721 --> 00:08:40,021 It's just completely through the filter and lens of self. 203 00:08:40,291 --> 00:08:42,811 So a few thoughts on toxic people in the workplace. 204 00:08:44,281 --> 00:08:46,381 Many of us seem to make a kind of pact. 205 00:08:46,411 --> 00:08:48,961 I think where we sort of think, well, I would leave. 206 00:08:48,961 --> 00:08:50,791 I would change, but I can't. 207 00:08:51,241 --> 00:08:54,421 Why don't you tell yourself a story that you cannot change your 208 00:08:54,421 --> 00:08:58,291 workplace or go somewhere else, then you can get locked in that story. 209 00:08:58,291 --> 00:09:01,441 My point, being that there are times when we need to leave, there are 210 00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:02,551 times where we just go, you know what? 211 00:09:02,881 --> 00:09:03,961 There is no avenue here. 212 00:09:04,021 --> 00:09:05,131 This is not going to change. 213 00:09:05,641 --> 00:09:09,931 You do not have to sign up for abuse or trauma or pain every time you go 214 00:09:09,931 --> 00:09:11,821 to work or school or wherever it is. 215 00:09:12,481 --> 00:09:14,431 When you're dealing with extremely difficult people. 216 00:09:14,431 --> 00:09:14,911 There's no. 217 00:09:15,271 --> 00:09:19,111 Cosmic law that says your job is to put up with terrible treatment 218 00:09:19,111 --> 00:09:21,001 for any significant period of time. 219 00:09:21,301 --> 00:09:22,081 So what are your options? 220 00:09:22,531 --> 00:09:27,961 Um, the first thing is to decide, I think whether you want to confront or avoid, 221 00:09:27,961 --> 00:09:30,481 so avoidance is kind of basic local. 222 00:09:30,721 --> 00:09:32,911 What is the least I have to do. 223 00:09:32,911 --> 00:09:36,931 Uh, to be functionally able to work or tolerate this person. 224 00:09:37,021 --> 00:09:38,221 And you've got to weigh that up. 225 00:09:38,251 --> 00:09:40,351 If it's kind of borderline, if you go look, I don't really 226 00:09:40,351 --> 00:09:41,191 have to see him very much. 227 00:09:41,191 --> 00:09:42,331 I just try to ignore them. 228 00:09:42,331 --> 00:09:44,341 I'm going to avoid them and that can work. 229 00:09:44,341 --> 00:09:45,181 Like you can just go look. 230 00:09:45,601 --> 00:09:46,921 Basically on balance. 231 00:09:47,461 --> 00:09:48,361 I just need to. 232 00:09:49,171 --> 00:09:50,791 Let's talk about allocating time differently. 233 00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:53,761 You just allocate time differently to spend less time around them. 234 00:09:53,761 --> 00:09:55,681 You minimize every point of contact. 235 00:09:56,221 --> 00:09:59,071 And you may get to the point now, again, I'm not sanctioning abuse 236 00:09:59,071 --> 00:10:03,151 or bullying or any kind of psychic, emotional, psychological violence. 237 00:10:04,021 --> 00:10:05,821 I'm just saying that there are some people you can go. 238 00:10:05,911 --> 00:10:06,271 Yep. 239 00:10:06,331 --> 00:10:07,741 You are a complete. 240 00:10:08,401 --> 00:10:10,231 You're just, I can't help you. 241 00:10:10,231 --> 00:10:11,131 I can't reach you. 242 00:10:11,131 --> 00:10:14,911 I can't change you, but I'm just going to make sure I minimize your impact upon me. 243 00:10:14,911 --> 00:10:15,901 So that's one strategy. 244 00:10:16,561 --> 00:10:17,491 So that's the avoidance. 245 00:10:17,491 --> 00:10:18,601 The second is to confront. 246 00:10:19,171 --> 00:10:21,811 Whether you confront directly or whether you confront over the 247 00:10:21,811 --> 00:10:24,391 top, so you confronting directly as you just call them on it. 248 00:10:24,871 --> 00:10:26,941 And you, you know, if you're psychologically strong enough 249 00:10:26,941 --> 00:10:28,951 to do that, you're emotionally strong enough to do that. 250 00:10:28,951 --> 00:10:30,121 Then you've got to weigh that up again. 251 00:10:30,151 --> 00:10:32,251 Don't put yourself in a position where you're going to be. 252 00:10:32,581 --> 00:10:34,591 The recipient of more toxicity. 253 00:10:34,981 --> 00:10:38,641 But sometimes it's just that point of confrontation that they just kind of it's 254 00:10:38,641 --> 00:10:39,961 the old schoolyard bully thing, right. 255 00:10:40,021 --> 00:10:42,871 They just suddenly realized, hang on, this is one person who ain't backing 256 00:10:42,871 --> 00:10:46,801 down and then they cut you the slack and, um, you can get a significant shift. 257 00:10:47,161 --> 00:10:50,191 The other one is to confront over the top, which is to go to 258 00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:53,191 people above them, if possible, and say, look, this is happening. 259 00:10:53,191 --> 00:10:54,331 This is intolerable. 260 00:10:54,691 --> 00:10:56,911 Here's a list of recent interactions. 261 00:10:57,541 --> 00:10:58,921 You know, this has to change. 262 00:10:59,371 --> 00:11:03,151 You know, and a lot of stuff about toxic people is culture-based so 263 00:11:03,421 --> 00:11:06,541 in terms of organizational culture, so you're not going to masters 264 00:11:06,571 --> 00:11:07,651 in leadership and management. 265 00:11:07,651 --> 00:11:07,921 Right? 266 00:11:07,921 --> 00:11:11,521 So the one thing I learned in that master's program was that really the 267 00:11:11,521 --> 00:11:13,051 fish rots from the head down right. 268 00:11:13,711 --> 00:11:14,041 I'm sure. 269 00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:15,601 You've all heard that before that a. 270 00:11:16,141 --> 00:11:17,401 Really that toxic. 271 00:11:17,671 --> 00:11:22,351 Uh, behaviors are usually tolerated in a cultural sense within an organization. 272 00:11:22,351 --> 00:11:27,301 So, um, people are in some way protected or sanctioned or even encouraged to be 273 00:11:27,301 --> 00:11:31,171 brutal and to be toxic in which case that's an organizational culture problem. 274 00:11:31,171 --> 00:11:33,961 And there's very little, you can do to change that unless you are at the 275 00:11:33,961 --> 00:11:35,761 top of the organizational pyramid. 276 00:11:36,151 --> 00:11:37,651 So that puts you back again. 277 00:11:37,951 --> 00:11:41,911 In the situation of, well, if I can't change this culture, if I can't confront 278 00:11:41,911 --> 00:11:43,591 over the top, if I can't go to a. 279 00:11:44,251 --> 00:11:47,401 Uh, CEO or principal, whatever it is that I need to talk to, 280 00:11:48,121 --> 00:11:49,381 then this isn't going to change. 281 00:11:49,411 --> 00:11:52,561 And also remember that if you're dealing with toxic people, you had, 282 00:11:52,771 --> 00:11:56,491 you know, often the effects can be like ripples on a pond, right. 283 00:11:56,641 --> 00:11:58,891 It can affect outside your work. 284 00:11:58,921 --> 00:12:00,631 So you can take that stuff home. 285 00:12:01,081 --> 00:12:02,761 You can start to get depressed, anxious. 286 00:12:02,761 --> 00:12:05,971 You can start to get snappy and over-reactive with your family. 287 00:12:06,691 --> 00:12:08,881 So, again, you're not bound to put up with it. 288 00:12:08,881 --> 00:12:09,571 So summary. 289 00:12:10,801 --> 00:12:14,611 Confront or avoid, depending on the factors that I've discussed. 290 00:12:15,121 --> 00:12:20,911 Um, realize that, you know, life is paradox that we both long and short. 291 00:12:21,601 --> 00:12:25,831 You know, it's too short to be hating your work and to going somewhere every 292 00:12:25,831 --> 00:12:27,931 day where you're feeling really unhappy. 293 00:12:27,931 --> 00:12:31,201 So I would encourage you to, to weigh that up, talk to people that 294 00:12:31,201 --> 00:12:32,821 love you, talk to people you trust. 295 00:12:33,211 --> 00:12:36,511 Change what you reasonably reasonably can change, but I would 296 00:12:36,511 --> 00:12:37,831 just say, do not tolerate it. 297 00:12:37,831 --> 00:12:39,121 It's it's just awful. 298 00:12:39,121 --> 00:12:41,911 And, and you know, at least at the time I'm recording this, 299 00:12:41,911 --> 00:12:45,631 employment's at a 50 year high, so there's plenty of work out there. 300 00:12:45,661 --> 00:12:47,701 If you really decide this is not cool, because there are 301 00:12:47,701 --> 00:12:48,811 people that love going to work. 302 00:12:49,171 --> 00:12:51,811 There are people who go to work places without toxic people where they're 303 00:12:51,841 --> 00:12:53,431 really positive work environment. 304 00:12:53,821 --> 00:12:55,411 Again, we're back to that leadership question. 305 00:12:55,411 --> 00:12:55,711 So. 306 00:12:56,281 --> 00:12:58,261 That's the thing about a toxic people. 307 00:12:58,261 --> 00:13:01,501 If I've missed anything, if you'd like clarification, just please reach out. 308 00:13:01,981 --> 00:13:06,061 Um, you can email me@jonathanatjonathandoyle.co, and 309 00:13:06,151 --> 00:13:09,511 I can take this deeper, but that's my initial thoughts on toxic people. 310 00:13:09,811 --> 00:13:13,681 Uh, as I've got older, I'm probably much more likely to confront quickly. 311 00:13:14,431 --> 00:13:15,781 You know, I'm a big believer. 312 00:13:16,291 --> 00:13:21,421 Um, it just in my personality that, uh, I tend to go hard and go early, which 313 00:13:21,421 --> 00:13:23,041 is if I can sense that something's. 314 00:13:23,791 --> 00:13:28,171 Is unpleasant, um, in a, in a, in this kind of context, I go early. 315 00:13:28,201 --> 00:13:32,401 I just call it early and have my battles early, rather than lie awake 316 00:13:32,401 --> 00:13:35,191 at 2:00 AM for months on end, wondering what I'm going to do differently. 317 00:13:35,191 --> 00:13:35,461 So. 318 00:13:36,301 --> 00:13:37,831 That's my thoughts on toxic people. 319 00:13:37,831 --> 00:13:39,181 Let's talk about the second question. 320 00:13:39,181 --> 00:13:40,141 Relationship trust. 321 00:13:40,141 --> 00:13:41,311 It was a beautiful question. 322 00:13:41,881 --> 00:13:45,301 Uh, from a lady who talked about, you know, just, I mean, reading between the 323 00:13:45,301 --> 00:13:49,651 lines that obviously suffered, I would imagine some form of betrayal or hardship 324 00:13:49,651 --> 00:13:52,951 in relationships, and they're finding it very difficult to trust people. 325 00:13:53,401 --> 00:13:54,301 Totally get it. 326 00:13:54,301 --> 00:13:55,531 Totally understandable. 327 00:13:55,531 --> 00:13:59,251 It is a reasonable, psychological response to emotional trauma. 328 00:13:59,551 --> 00:14:01,771 I know that word gets thrown around a great deal, but. 329 00:14:02,371 --> 00:14:04,681 You know, it is quite a traumatic event. 330 00:14:04,681 --> 00:14:06,991 If you've had your trust badly violated. 331 00:14:07,441 --> 00:14:09,691 Or relationships haven't worked out the way you want. 332 00:14:09,691 --> 00:14:12,511 It is hard to use a metaphor to get back on the horse to 333 00:14:12,511 --> 00:14:14,251 try again and again, and again. 334 00:14:15,301 --> 00:14:16,291 Here's a couple of thoughts. 335 00:14:16,291 --> 00:14:20,971 The first one would be to do the hard work of analyzing what went wrong. 336 00:14:20,971 --> 00:14:23,731 If there's a pattern here, humans are brilliant on patterns. 337 00:14:24,181 --> 00:14:25,981 So when I'd confronting things about. 338 00:14:26,581 --> 00:14:29,881 Relationship problems and difficulties is to go, okay, 339 00:14:29,881 --> 00:14:31,711 what happened here objectively? 340 00:14:32,491 --> 00:14:34,141 Am I contributing in any way to this. 341 00:14:34,141 --> 00:14:35,461 I'm not doing the blame, the victim thing. 342 00:14:35,461 --> 00:14:36,061 I'm just saying. 343 00:14:36,451 --> 00:14:37,621 Do I hold beliefs? 344 00:14:37,621 --> 00:14:38,881 Do I have attitudes? 345 00:14:38,881 --> 00:14:42,421 Do I accept things that I shouldn't accept or I ignore things that I should 346 00:14:42,421 --> 00:14:46,441 confront that are seeing these patterns repeat that that's confronting work. 347 00:14:46,471 --> 00:14:47,161 It's hard work. 348 00:14:47,161 --> 00:14:47,911 You might want to do that. 349 00:14:47,911 --> 00:14:49,291 Work with someone who loves you. 350 00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:52,891 With someone that you trust, whether it's just conversations or, you 351 00:14:52,891 --> 00:14:55,411 know, you can get, um, you could get a counselor and sort of say, 352 00:14:55,441 --> 00:14:57,181 look, this pattern is emerging. 353 00:14:57,571 --> 00:14:58,771 What is it in me? 354 00:14:59,161 --> 00:14:59,881 That is. 355 00:15:00,211 --> 00:15:03,901 You know, Allowing this pat not causing it, not saying that you're the, you're 356 00:15:03,901 --> 00:15:07,471 the cause of it, but just saying what patterns or beliefs do I have that 357 00:15:07,471 --> 00:15:09,211 are relevant in this circumstance? 358 00:15:09,721 --> 00:15:13,141 And again, regulation has no that my take on the whole therapy 359 00:15:13,141 --> 00:15:15,541 counseling thing is that usually. 360 00:15:16,381 --> 00:15:19,771 Uh, or you end up with a good narrative, you end up with a good 361 00:15:19,771 --> 00:15:21,211 understanding of what's happening. 362 00:15:21,601 --> 00:15:23,671 But the crucial part is that we get steps. 363 00:15:23,671 --> 00:15:27,421 We get actually actionable things that we can do differently in the world, because 364 00:15:27,421 --> 00:15:30,631 if we don't do different things in the world, we tend to get the same results. 365 00:15:31,471 --> 00:15:34,201 You know, years ago, Tony Robbins gave a great example of this. 366 00:15:34,201 --> 00:15:36,601 He told a story about a woman who was dealing with justice issue. 367 00:15:36,601 --> 00:15:37,381 She'd been through. 368 00:15:38,071 --> 00:15:39,721 All these different, you know, problems. 369 00:15:40,171 --> 00:15:42,271 In relationships and she just couldn't trust. 370 00:15:42,301 --> 00:15:45,001 You just literally was not able to, to trust. 371 00:15:45,601 --> 00:15:50,341 And he gave her the metaphor of driving, you know, down a, a twisty 372 00:15:50,341 --> 00:15:54,391 mountain road, you know, that, uh, you know, imagine lots of hairpin turns 373 00:15:54,391 --> 00:15:55,681 and there's a fair bit of traffic. 374 00:15:55,681 --> 00:15:55,801 And. 375 00:15:56,341 --> 00:15:57,481 It was quite an interesting metaphor. 376 00:15:57,691 --> 00:16:01,081 He sort of helped her understand that the only way that you can do that 377 00:16:01,081 --> 00:16:02,911 drive anywhere you can get anywhere. 378 00:16:03,331 --> 00:16:06,841 Is to basically trust that everybody on the other side of the road 379 00:16:06,871 --> 00:16:08,191 is going to stay in their lane. 380 00:16:08,221 --> 00:16:11,821 That, that if you don't know that, if you just suddenly think that someone's going 381 00:16:11,821 --> 00:16:13,711 to flip across the line straight into you. 382 00:16:14,311 --> 00:16:18,241 Then, you know, you're not able to drive you're, you're paralyzed, you're immobile. 383 00:16:18,631 --> 00:16:22,231 So he sort of gave her this metaphor to help us see that eventually. 384 00:16:23,041 --> 00:16:25,771 You just have to trust that that people are going to do the right thing. 385 00:16:26,401 --> 00:16:30,031 And again, if you've been through difficulty, that's very hard 386 00:16:30,031 --> 00:16:31,591 to do, but I would say that. 387 00:16:31,981 --> 00:16:33,661 We're in the realm of risk. 388 00:16:34,261 --> 00:16:34,861 The. 389 00:16:35,641 --> 00:16:39,601 The beauty of human relationships also requires risk. 390 00:16:39,811 --> 00:16:43,591 It also requires stepping into the unknown and trusting. 391 00:16:44,191 --> 00:16:44,791 Yes. 392 00:16:44,791 --> 00:16:48,391 It's the old saying that a ship is safe in the Harbor, but that 393 00:16:48,391 --> 00:16:50,131 is not what the ship was made for. 394 00:16:50,131 --> 00:16:52,711 You know, the ships are made to cross the oceans. 395 00:16:53,191 --> 00:16:56,581 I remember on my wedding data at 22 years ago. 396 00:16:57,301 --> 00:16:59,281 I was so nervous. 397 00:16:59,281 --> 00:17:00,961 I was genuinely nervous. 398 00:17:00,961 --> 00:17:02,461 I was like almost thrown up. 399 00:17:02,491 --> 00:17:03,361 I was so nervous. 400 00:17:03,931 --> 00:17:04,681 I love Karen. 401 00:17:04,741 --> 00:17:10,021 I knew that, that this was this the, you know, The most wonderful person and most 402 00:17:10,051 --> 00:17:12,121 wonderful relationship that we'd had. 403 00:17:13,051 --> 00:17:15,241 But I was aware of what I was about to do. 404 00:17:15,571 --> 00:17:19,531 And I had this profound sense of like, this is for life. 405 00:17:19,561 --> 00:17:22,171 This is no going backwards. 406 00:17:22,201 --> 00:17:22,561 This. 407 00:17:23,221 --> 00:17:24,361 I took that risk. 408 00:17:24,361 --> 00:17:28,381 I had to step into that space, despite the fact that I was afraid and people could 409 00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:29,521 have you to be afraid on your wedding day. 410 00:17:29,581 --> 00:17:31,591 I was, I was genuinely nervous cause I. 411 00:17:32,191 --> 00:17:33,271 I've often said audiences. 412 00:17:33,301 --> 00:17:35,821 I understood the enormity of what I was doing. 413 00:17:36,481 --> 00:17:39,841 And so I guess what I'm saying here in terms of relationship trust is 414 00:17:39,841 --> 00:17:42,001 it's the risk despite being afraid. 415 00:17:42,421 --> 00:17:43,291 It's the risk. 416 00:17:43,291 --> 00:17:47,341 It's the decision that yes, I could get hurt, but I'm going to step into 417 00:17:47,341 --> 00:17:49,771 the current and the stream of life. 418 00:17:49,801 --> 00:17:51,091 I am going to risk. 419 00:17:51,481 --> 00:17:52,351 Being hurt. 420 00:17:52,621 --> 00:17:53,731 Now again, concentrate. 421 00:17:53,731 --> 00:17:54,961 This is not about being frivolous. 422 00:17:54,961 --> 00:17:55,591 This is not about going. 423 00:17:55,591 --> 00:17:57,751 I'll just try again and again and again, you know, you don't want 424 00:17:57,751 --> 00:17:59,281 to keep retraumatizing yourself. 425 00:18:00,181 --> 00:18:01,651 So you're holding intention. 426 00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:04,921 These two, these two parameters, one is doing the work to 427 00:18:04,921 --> 00:18:06,811 discover what might be a pattern. 428 00:18:07,111 --> 00:18:11,311 That you could change in terms of relationship disappointment. 429 00:18:11,341 --> 00:18:14,311 And the second is deciding that yes, I could get hurt again. 430 00:18:14,701 --> 00:18:16,051 But I must take the step. 431 00:18:16,081 --> 00:18:18,511 I must take the step into this possibility. 432 00:18:19,171 --> 00:18:19,501 All right. 433 00:18:19,501 --> 00:18:20,401 I hope that's helpful. 434 00:18:20,401 --> 00:18:21,811 Let me know what you think on that one. 435 00:18:22,381 --> 00:18:25,411 And finally as promised, we are talking about guilt I'm on, I know 436 00:18:25,441 --> 00:18:26,671 that I'm going longer than usual. 437 00:18:26,671 --> 00:18:27,691 So I want to wrap this up. 438 00:18:28,171 --> 00:18:31,321 Guilt is an incredibly important human emotion. 439 00:18:31,351 --> 00:18:32,731 I have spoken about this for years. 440 00:18:32,761 --> 00:18:33,811 If we do not have guilt. 441 00:18:34,291 --> 00:18:36,961 Then we all basically become sociopath's. 442 00:18:36,961 --> 00:18:37,411 We all. 443 00:18:38,131 --> 00:18:39,781 Basically are incapable of. 444 00:18:40,351 --> 00:18:43,861 Uh, evaluating our choices and behaviors and realizing that things 445 00:18:43,861 --> 00:18:45,331 we have done have hurt others. 446 00:18:45,331 --> 00:18:46,861 So let's please understand. 447 00:18:47,461 --> 00:18:51,931 That guilt now is, is, is a useful and important human emotion. 448 00:18:51,931 --> 00:18:53,281 So here's a delineation. 449 00:18:53,281 --> 00:18:56,071 We are going to delineate between guilt and shame. 450 00:18:56,611 --> 00:18:58,111 Very important distinction. 451 00:18:58,141 --> 00:19:00,421 Very important to have this in your toolbox for life. 452 00:19:00,691 --> 00:19:04,471 Guilt is, um, I have done something wrong. 453 00:19:04,801 --> 00:19:08,131 Shame is I am bad. 454 00:19:08,911 --> 00:19:11,011 So, this is a very important delineation between the 455 00:19:11,011 --> 00:19:12,241 experiences of guilt and shame. 456 00:19:12,721 --> 00:19:16,171 Guilt means there is a standard that you hold either 457 00:19:16,171 --> 00:19:17,791 consciously or semi consciously. 458 00:19:17,791 --> 00:19:20,551 Sometimes we have standards that we're not completely across. 459 00:19:21,301 --> 00:19:23,281 But guilt means there is a standard. 460 00:19:23,281 --> 00:19:26,011 There is something that you think is important or valuable. 461 00:19:26,371 --> 00:19:31,591 In being human, that you have transgressed that you have done something against 462 00:19:31,831 --> 00:19:36,511 what you know is a reasonable sub subjective and objective standard. 463 00:19:37,231 --> 00:19:40,951 Shame is a belief that you are fundamentally bad. 464 00:19:41,641 --> 00:19:46,741 So Freud, basically a lot of Freud's were kind of blurred some of this 465 00:19:46,771 --> 00:19:52,711 and the Freudian concept of guilt has permeated culture in the sense that. 466 00:19:53,371 --> 00:19:56,101 We're told not to regret anything, you know, have no regrets. 467 00:19:56,131 --> 00:19:57,931 No, we should have regrets. 468 00:19:57,931 --> 00:20:00,031 If you don't have regrets, something's really wrong. 469 00:20:00,451 --> 00:20:02,431 Because you have to have regrets there's choices. 470 00:20:02,431 --> 00:20:06,211 You've made this things you've done that have hurt you and hurt other people. 471 00:20:06,211 --> 00:20:07,291 They're called regrets. 472 00:20:08,071 --> 00:20:10,171 So, let me, I'm going to, I'm going to take that in a 473 00:20:10,171 --> 00:20:11,191 direction and just a second. 474 00:20:11,191 --> 00:20:12,901 So the first point is to delineate. 475 00:20:12,931 --> 00:20:13,921 We don't want shame. 476 00:20:14,101 --> 00:20:14,251 Okay. 477 00:20:14,251 --> 00:20:15,601 We want to move beyond shame. 478 00:20:15,601 --> 00:20:17,311 We don't want shame in our lives. 479 00:20:17,851 --> 00:20:21,901 But guilt when it prop, when it crops up is can be. 480 00:20:22,561 --> 00:20:24,751 An extremely important and useful human experience. 481 00:20:24,751 --> 00:20:25,081 Why. 482 00:20:25,651 --> 00:20:27,841 Because it calls us to a couple of things. 483 00:20:27,841 --> 00:20:29,401 One is to making a men's. 484 00:20:30,001 --> 00:20:32,551 Y, you know, look at alcoholics anonymous in those 12 steps. 485 00:20:32,581 --> 00:20:35,641 One of them is this thing about making a men's right where you, where you 486 00:20:35,671 --> 00:20:38,851 go back and you make a list of all the people that you've hurt and you 487 00:20:38,851 --> 00:20:41,161 try as much as you reasonably can. 488 00:20:41,641 --> 00:20:42,421 To fix it. 489 00:20:42,721 --> 00:20:44,881 To, to make up for the things you have done. 490 00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:45,181 So. 491 00:20:45,481 --> 00:20:47,131 The first good thing about guilt. 492 00:20:47,821 --> 00:20:50,221 Is it's going to help us as much as possible too. 493 00:20:50,731 --> 00:20:54,001 Make changes to, to do things differently, to go back to 494 00:20:54,001 --> 00:20:55,591 people and say, Hey, I am sorry. 495 00:20:55,591 --> 00:20:56,551 I upset you. 496 00:20:56,551 --> 00:20:57,361 I did this. 497 00:20:57,391 --> 00:20:58,351 It caused pain. 498 00:20:58,381 --> 00:20:59,131 I am sorry. 499 00:20:59,761 --> 00:21:01,621 And often to say there is no excuse. 500 00:21:01,621 --> 00:21:04,441 I would love to tell you that it happened because of these factors 501 00:21:04,441 --> 00:21:05,881 and maybe there is some context. 502 00:21:06,211 --> 00:21:09,601 But in general, it happened because I made these choices and I've hurt you. 503 00:21:09,601 --> 00:21:10,291 And I'm sorry. 504 00:21:10,831 --> 00:21:16,681 So Gilt allows that sort of, uh, ability to restore relationship to bring healing. 505 00:21:17,071 --> 00:21:20,611 It also allows us to evaluate our behavior and make significant 506 00:21:20,611 --> 00:21:21,871 changes going forward. 507 00:21:22,621 --> 00:21:25,681 You know, then the nagging sense of guilt goes, the something I'm 508 00:21:25,681 --> 00:21:29,881 doing that is not calling me to my highest level of functioning. 509 00:21:29,911 --> 00:21:32,881 Now, when none of us are in our highest level of functioning all the time. 510 00:21:33,331 --> 00:21:37,741 But guilt can have an important role in helping us grow, helping us develop to go. 511 00:21:37,741 --> 00:21:38,521 Yeah, I did that. 512 00:21:38,941 --> 00:21:42,421 And when I did that X thing, I felt worse. 513 00:21:42,421 --> 00:21:43,741 I felt unhappy. 514 00:21:43,741 --> 00:21:46,831 I felt like I'd broken a boundary that I shouldn't have broken. 515 00:21:47,101 --> 00:21:48,601 So do you see its usefulness? 516 00:21:49,621 --> 00:21:54,331 Last thing I wanted to say about guilt is there is a time to move 517 00:21:54,541 --> 00:21:57,031 beyond what's happened in the past. 518 00:21:58,201 --> 00:22:01,381 See, the problem with guilt is guilt and shame. 519 00:22:01,411 --> 00:22:05,071 Like I said before, can masquerade masquerade as each other. 520 00:22:05,611 --> 00:22:09,931 So sometimes we can hold onto guilt for so long that we never moved beyond that. 521 00:22:09,961 --> 00:22:12,481 We just feel we can never get beyond something we've done. 522 00:22:12,481 --> 00:22:13,651 And it's always there. 523 00:22:14,641 --> 00:22:17,581 I think eventually we have to accept. 524 00:22:17,971 --> 00:22:19,321 Uh, limited nature. 525 00:22:19,351 --> 00:22:21,151 We have to accept our frailties. 526 00:22:21,181 --> 00:22:22,771 We have to accept that we are sinners. 527 00:22:22,771 --> 00:22:23,461 We seem. 528 00:22:23,911 --> 00:22:25,291 You know, Romans, what is it? 529 00:22:25,291 --> 00:22:25,981 Romans? 530 00:22:26,371 --> 00:22:29,941 To Romans 12, all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. 531 00:22:29,941 --> 00:22:32,761 No one, no one in this planet. 532 00:22:33,421 --> 00:22:38,551 Um, Except maybe the good Lord himself has ever been without sin without 533 00:22:38,551 --> 00:22:41,671 guilt, without failure, without transgression, we all carry it. 534 00:22:42,601 --> 00:22:46,471 But there comes a season where we have to have let Gilt done its work. 535 00:22:47,101 --> 00:22:51,451 We have, we have been honest, we've evaluated who we are. 536 00:22:51,451 --> 00:22:53,671 And look again, this is another thing of guilt that if you do 537 00:22:53,671 --> 00:22:58,291 the work of guilt, You get self knowledge, you go look, lift yourself. 538 00:22:58,321 --> 00:22:59,881 You will do certain things. 539 00:23:00,301 --> 00:23:01,681 And you get self knowledge about it. 540 00:23:02,101 --> 00:23:05,371 And then you look at the situations or the people that can trigger these 541 00:23:05,371 --> 00:23:08,371 choices and behaviors in you that you don't want in your life anymore. 542 00:23:08,911 --> 00:23:10,351 So you begin to make these changes. 543 00:23:10,381 --> 00:23:10,621 So. 544 00:23:11,551 --> 00:23:14,851 There is a time to move beyond it because ultimately eventually when 545 00:23:14,851 --> 00:23:18,601 guilt moves into shame, it is what I call a nonproductive emotion. 546 00:23:18,931 --> 00:23:21,331 It is a nonproductive emotion. 547 00:23:21,751 --> 00:23:22,771 By nonproductive. 548 00:23:22,771 --> 00:23:25,111 I mean, eventually it retards your life. 549 00:23:25,141 --> 00:23:27,271 It locks you out of relationship. 550 00:23:27,661 --> 00:23:32,851 It keeps you stuck in a place where you move towards self-loathing and shame, 551 00:23:32,851 --> 00:23:34,591 and you never let yourself off the hook. 552 00:23:34,981 --> 00:23:37,111 And sometimes you can tell yourself, well, you deserve it. 553 00:23:37,111 --> 00:23:39,601 I deserve to feel this way because I did this X thing. 554 00:23:40,201 --> 00:23:43,201 But eventually the call of the human life is to love. 555 00:23:43,891 --> 00:23:45,961 The call of the human life is to growth. 556 00:23:46,231 --> 00:23:48,511 The call of the human life is to development. 557 00:23:49,081 --> 00:23:52,681 And so if you don't move beyond the work of guilt eventually 558 00:23:52,681 --> 00:23:54,961 into eventually self-forgiveness. 559 00:23:55,681 --> 00:23:58,321 And you may want to seek forgiveness in a spiritual sense too. 560 00:23:59,311 --> 00:24:01,291 But eventually staying trapped in it. 561 00:24:01,771 --> 00:24:04,351 Doesn't allow you to love others the way that you would love 562 00:24:04,381 --> 00:24:05,521 you would prefer to love them. 563 00:24:05,641 --> 00:24:06,541 Oh, I've got to stop there. 564 00:24:06,541 --> 00:24:07,861 So there's a lot to all of this, right? 565 00:24:07,891 --> 00:24:10,171 We're at 24 minute mark here, much longer than usual. 566 00:24:10,771 --> 00:24:12,841 But, uh, I hope some of that's a blessing to you guys. 567 00:24:12,841 --> 00:24:14,101 We've talked about toxic people. 568 00:24:14,101 --> 00:24:16,561 We've talked about relationship trust, and we've talked about. 569 00:24:17,041 --> 00:24:18,721 The experience of guilt and shame. 570 00:24:18,721 --> 00:24:19,501 So move beyond it. 571 00:24:19,531 --> 00:24:19,921 Friends. 572 00:24:19,921 --> 00:24:20,881 Do the work of guilt. 573 00:24:20,911 --> 00:24:22,411 Recognize your limited. 574 00:24:22,951 --> 00:24:23,971 Human nature. 575 00:24:24,541 --> 00:24:25,891 You know, we are angels. 576 00:24:25,921 --> 00:24:29,971 We are capable of such beauty and wonder and selflessness and generosity, and 577 00:24:29,971 --> 00:24:31,411 then we're also capable of dumb stuff. 578 00:24:31,411 --> 00:24:33,181 So let's accept that about ourselves. 579 00:24:33,571 --> 00:24:36,271 Try and limit the dumb stuff, make amends when we do it and 580 00:24:36,271 --> 00:24:39,751 then move forward, recognize our weaknesses and then move forward. 581 00:24:40,411 --> 00:24:40,831 All right. 582 00:24:41,611 --> 00:24:41,881 Wow. 583 00:24:41,911 --> 00:24:42,481 That's a long one. 584 00:24:42,481 --> 00:24:42,871 All right. 585 00:24:42,931 --> 00:24:44,251 Uh, please subscribe. 586 00:24:44,281 --> 00:24:46,051 If you liked any of this, please subscribe. 587 00:24:46,081 --> 00:24:48,061 If you've got somebody in your life who's dealing with toxic 588 00:24:48,061 --> 00:24:51,781 people, relationship issues, or guilt, send them this, say, Hey. 589 00:24:51,841 --> 00:24:52,951 Oh, I guess that's awkward now. 590 00:24:52,981 --> 00:24:53,251 Isn't it? 591 00:24:53,281 --> 00:24:53,521 Cause. 592 00:24:54,571 --> 00:24:55,831 If you send it to a friend, they'll go. 593 00:24:56,041 --> 00:24:56,941 Why did you send me that? 594 00:24:56,971 --> 00:24:58,531 Do you think I have problems with guilt or anything? 595 00:24:58,561 --> 00:24:59,611 I'm a relationship failure. 596 00:25:00,181 --> 00:25:00,511 Anyway. 597 00:25:00,721 --> 00:25:01,621 Just send it to somebody. 598 00:25:01,621 --> 00:25:02,251 You never know. 599 00:25:02,281 --> 00:25:02,821 You never know. 600 00:25:02,821 --> 00:25:04,231 You never know how it's going to bless somebody. 601 00:25:04,231 --> 00:25:05,251 So please subscribe. 602 00:25:05,281 --> 00:25:07,441 Go check out all the show nights, go and grab free access 603 00:25:07,441 --> 00:25:08,611 to my book, bridging the gap. 604 00:25:09,901 --> 00:25:11,971 Ah, well, I love you guys. 605 00:25:11,971 --> 00:25:14,551 I really appreciate the fact that you're listening. 606 00:25:15,151 --> 00:25:16,681 I hope you've learned something today. 607 00:25:16,681 --> 00:25:17,761 It's been a joy for me to do it. 608 00:25:17,791 --> 00:25:18,931 My name's Jonathan Doyle. 609 00:25:18,931 --> 00:25:20,761 This has been the daily podcast. 610 00:25:21,181 --> 00:25:23,251 And you and I are going to talk again tomorrow.