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Welcome to Parents Night out with no New Friends.

The comedy break every parent deserves.

This is the podcast where parenting meets pure unfiltered fun.

Real raw hilarity.

It's your night out without the kids, where nothing is off limits.

And we say what everybody else is thinking.

Whether you're a parent or just need a good laugh.

We've got the adult humor you crave.

So kick back, relax and get ready to let loose with us.

This is Parents Night out with no New Friends.

Tuck your kids into bed, pay the babysitter a little bit extra.

It's time for Parents Night out with no New Friends.

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while you're there, check out our really sweet merchandise.

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When we do them, we are recording live and streaming on the YouTube.

Every Monday night, 8pm Eastern Standard Time, you can see us record this thing live, uncut, uncensored.

And every other week we go to the parks and we go live on the TikTok.

That's at the parks New New friends or at the parks New New Friends.

All the links are on our website.

Just check that out.

My name is Scott.

I'm the host.

With me as always, the scumbag reselling hoarder himself, Chris.

Go Birds.

The Jewish American princess.

Sarah.

Hello.

Our emotional support, gay Nick, who's a bird.

And our producer, Alex.

Hola.

I mean, hi.

I.

Alex, the producer is very Caucasian.

Yes.

Chris, congratulations.

We will get a sports update later from Nick, but congratulations on your.

Your Eagles headed back to again the Super Bowl.

Yeah, again.

Don't spoil the sports update.

Oh, okay, sorry.

We'll table the sports update until Nick's ready and has better Internet connection.

So while Nick's freezing, Chris, I have to tell you something.

So.

Oh, what's this?

Oh, this week I was teaching a class.

Okay.

And Sarah, you.

That table touch.

You know your managers go around and do table touches, right?

You're familiar with that, right?

I know what that is.

Okay, Your managers probably don't, right?

Listen, I was a manager, so I had to know, but.

Okay, but I get it.

Yeah.

So most managers Where I work don't know what a table touch is.

So I developed this class to teach what a table touch is.

And Chris and any of you non restaurant people, tabletouch touch is essentially when the manager comes around to your table.

Hey, how the worst part of the meal?

Nobody likes a table touch.

The manager doesn't like it, the customer doesn't like it.

You're overstepping the waiters.

Yeah, exactly.

The surveys like it, but it, look, it's a way to see if the server is doing what they're supposed to be doing and to check on the the customer and make sure everything's good.

Blah, blah, blah.

So anyway, I, I'm really good at table touches.

So my, my boss had me create this table touc could present to all the other managers.

So I, I worked very hard on it.

When I say I worked very hard on it.

I put the information into chat GPT and I had it create a presentation for me.

That's a great idea.

Brilliant idea.

Brilliant idea.

So this is like the seventh class that I've taught.

Well, we have a new hotel manager at the hotel that I work at and he decided that he's going to come into this class.

Okay, and which is fine.

The old hotel manager saw the same class.

I'm a, I'm a gifted public speaker.

I do the safety meeting ever for the resort every single month.

Like this is not an issue for me.

The problem is we started promptly at 2:02pm because I was waiting for him to show up and he, he was late.

And so I just got started and 2:30 he rolls in.

So I'm halfway through this class, right, Chris?

I don't know what.

So I dropped a joke and the joke did not land.

Oh no.

Which is usually fine.

I have jokes not land all the time.

I lost my place.

And I sat there.

Oh no, like Mitch McConnell for about three minutes.

Oh, start to feel bad for you and then they vote you back in.

So that's.

But here's the thing is, is if someone would have made fun of me, that would have at least been okay.

But nobody said anything.

Nobody said anything.

It was silent for what felt like three minutes, but it was probably about five seconds.

And I'm like, I, I, I, my inner monologue is saying, you idiot, say something, say something.

And I, and I like I have the, the, the words on the piece of paper in front of me and I can't, I cannot say anything.

Nothing will come out of my mouth.

And then finally, finally, like after they try to escort Me off stage, just like Mitch McConnell.

I finally come to, and I start talking.

So then I drop another joke, which also doesn't lay out.

Oh, no.

And so then I start sweating, and I'm like, well, maybe.

Maybe it's just me.

Nobody, Maybe.

No, nobody notices.

One of my coordinators gets up, leaves the room, comes back with paper towels for me.

Do you remember the joke?

No, I don't.

Everybody wants to know that because I told this story, and everybody wants to know, what was the joke?

And I'm like, I don't remember.

That's the problem.

And I.

Was it inappropriate or was it just not good?

It just wasn't good.

Just wasn't good.

Just wasn't good, I guess.

Like.

But that joke, that same joke has landed six other times.

Or I didn't care that it didn't land right.

Right.

Here's the thing.

In every class that I teach, I have a plant in the class that knows when to give me the.

The fake sympathy laughs.

So.

What'S era I said, that might be worse.

Yeah, but it primes everybody else.

Like, oh, we should be laughing so that, you know, everybody starts laughing once they la off.

You probably just blacked out after that moment for a second.

Because I get word vomit, which is probably worse.

Like.

Like, I dropped off food to a table the other day, and the lady said, oh, beautiful.

And I.

I pulled a.

Yeah, but what about the omelet?

And then it just.

It just kept coming out.

And then she kind of looked at me, and her.

Her.

The guy she was with is looking at me like, what the hell?

And I said, get it?

Because.

Because you said beautiful.

And it just kept coming out.

And I'm getting.

I'm getting embarrassed for myself right now, like, two weeks later.

It's awful.

I.

I've had that where I definitely put two words together into a new created word as I'm doing a table touch.

And they look at, like, I can already tell because you have.

You have.

You have the guests who want to talk to you for hours, and you have to have, like, figure exit strategy.

But then you have the ones who, like, really could care less that you're there.

And those are the ones that I, like, try to make a joke in front of.

And then I get tongue tied, and they look at me like I'm a.

Yeah, but then I forget that I'm talking to a table and not my kids or my husband, and I say, sorry about that.

I think I just had a stroke.

And then I immediately feel very, very insensitive.

Just in case that person has had a stroke.

Because you never know.

I would be that person.

I'm the person who walk up behind the table and says, hi, ladies, how you doing?

It's a guy with a long ponytail.

And I just end up walking away.

Just.

Just sweaty hands.

Like, what did I do?

This is ruined for the rest of the meal.

Yeah, I do it all the time.

Well, luckily, you won't have to worry about the mistaking males for females anymore.

Thank you.

Executive order number 35.

Oh, my God.

Out of 5,000.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Chris, have you ever gotten tongue tied?

Like, you don't work?

So it.

It's a little bit different.

Yeah.

So in college, I remember that I was giving a presentation, and I would never prepare for anything.

I would just always speak off the top of my head.

That's how I would do well.

Well, I was.

I.

I was making the presentation.

I just put pictures up.

I think I just, you know, spew some during the class.

And I get up there, and for some reason, I just wasn't confident at all.

I don't know if I was intimidated by my teacher or whatever.

And I just.

I couldn't speak.

I just kept stuttering.

And then the sweat came.

And I remember looking at my teacher and say, I'm sorry, I'm tripping balls up here.

We just made everything so much worse.

Yeah, so it's definitely happened.

Definitely happened to me, unfortunately, in front of a lot of people.

I hate that when we make things worse by just saying something.

Oh, yeah, listen, I.

I have a problem all the time at work where Podcast Scott comes out.

Is that.

Is that Drunk Scott?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Someone said something like, I couldn't find it.

And then I said, oh, yeah, my wife says that all the time.

And I'm like, wait, why did I just say that?

You can't say that at work.

Like, the fact that I have not been into HR's office yet is shocking to me.

Nick, you've had to have some word vomit before.

I.

I over talk all the time with clients I feel I probably won't get into with this job, but I've worked in the restaurant industry before, and we had a celebrity come in.

Oh, and this is in Lima, which, if not familiar, Lima.

That's where I'm from.

Named after us, called Glee.

Speaking of which, I saw a very dark documentary about Glee.

Now I want to watch it.

Yeah, it's like all the.

All the dark that happened.

So I.

I worked at Ruby Tuesday there, and we had a celebrity Come in.

I had no clue who she was.

She was in town for some telethon thing or something back in the day.

And she was from a soap opera and I was.

The way, I was a waiter and I.

I was fine before I knew that she was like a celebrity.

But I was like 16, 17 at the time.

So I come out ticked, order and stuff.

And she's like, I remember she said something about the fries, and she's like, oh, I hope they don't go to my ass or something like that.

So cue me later at the end of the meal saying something about her ass.

I was like, you're asking your ass looks just fine or something like that.

I don't know.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, I.

I got a 20 tip though, so.

Oh, nice.

On a 50 checks not too bad.

$20 on 50?

Yeah.

How?

And everybody in the back, like, everybody in the back's like, go ask her questions about the show and stuff.

I'm like, I don't.

I don't even know what the hell you're talking about.

And they're like, celebrities always tip so much.

Like, we live in Lima.

Nobody tips anything here.

And they're like, nobody goes to Lima.

Yeah.

Nobody cuts Salima.

So we're like, everybody's like, oh, maybe she'll tip like 100, something like that.

Nope.

Was a 20 not bad.

Yeah, but a 20 off 50 is pretty good.

Yeah, not with Remy math.

Remy math.

Anyway, so, Nick, you.

You book a lot of vacations and you go on a lot of vacations now.

Have you've gone.

I already know the answer, so I'm not going to form it in the form of a question, but you've gone to other countries.

Yes.

And other countries that may not necessarily be in tune with what is appropriate for Americans.

So.

Right.

Maybe.

Have you ever witnessed anything where it's like, okay, to them this is funny, but to us it's offensive?

Yeah.

World War II is pretty not right in my opinion.

I agree.

I don't know.

Maybe.

All right, so there is an Australian cruise line and.

And a bunch of Americans were on this cruise ship.

And the custodial crew, the cleaning crew decided like, it was like entertainment day where like all of the crew did their own little everyone's favorite day when.

The custodians get dressed up to entertain.

Right.

Are they dancing with, like a broom and mops?

So their costumes, as a lot of custodial costumes are, are a white pants and long sleeve white shirts and white gloves.

Okay.

So they didn't really give them Any guidelines.

And there was no real entertainment on this cruise.

So they come out as upside down ice cream cones.

Or does that, what does that even look like?

I did see this.

So.

So essentially they took towels and cut the, the eye holes up and their hat came to a point.

Oh, oh, that kind of ice cream cone.

And it was dark, so they were carrying torches so everyone could see.

Instead of the, the brooms, they were torches.

So essentially they paraded around as clan members.

Oh.

Now to, to the Australians, they're like, these are cute outfits.

To the Americans on board.

Well, at least the liberals, they found that highly offensive.

I had no idea I was on a cruise ship.

I'm not gonna lie.

I thought it was just people celebrating the election.

So the.

I.

I don't know the name of the cruise line, but.

Nick, have you ever seen something like this before?

I don't think, I don't think I've really seen any.

I don't know.

I can't think of anything really.

P O Cruises.

That's the cruise line.

P and O Cruise.

You know how.

What, what is like Diamond Sapphire like, as the thing I heard with that cruise tier is the Cool Cruise Club.

The kkk.

It's the, it's the Crown and Anchor Society.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean I've been on a lot of cruises and there's so many.

Like the entertainment teams are from all over the world and stuff.

And Disney, like occasionally at the adults entertainment shows that they have on board.

Like, he gets confused on things that Americans say or do.

I guess so.

I mean, I feel like it's normal, but not in that racist sense.

But to them it was no big deal.

They don't know.

They had no idea.

I, I love Japanese entertainment because they get into things that were cool in the United States, like 10, 15 years ago.

Have you ever, like, they karaoke is really big, but they're into music that was popular here like 10, 15 years ago.

Sarah, you're a world traveler.

Have you ever run into a situation that it's like, oh, if this was at home, that would not be acceptable?

No, not necessarily like that.

But I do remember that When I was 13, I traveled to Vietnam and I went to this little museum and it was just all about the Viet Cong and everything was just the paintings of Americans being slaughtered and stuff.

I'm like, oh, okay, cool.

And they're just outside like, hi, how are you?

Yep, have a great time.

You know, and I'm like 13 years old and I have no idea what I'm in for.

And I was like, oh, okay, maybe.

Maybe this wasn't meant for me, but nothing, I don't think to that extent that I can remember.

Chris, what about you?

You're not really a world traveler, but have you.

Well, I mean, you went to Alaska and started calling everybody Eskimo.

Yeah, I was accepted in some parts of the town there, but same height.

Yeah, yeah.

Now I, I trying to.

Trying to think of a situation.

Germany, they love us because we're the.

We're the single only reason why they're not the laughing stock of the world.

They're like, it's like the one country in the world where they, like, America saved them from, like, humiliate, like, lifelong humiliation.

So, no, nothing, Nothing out of the ordinary.

I was even trying to make up a story, but the Viet Cong thing kind of threw me through a loop there.

I've told that story before about my world travels, and as soon as you said it, I'm like, yeah, that was pretty messed up.

Yeah.

Also, what were you doing in Vietnam at 13 years old?

Part of a sale.

I.

I was living in Singapore.

What?

Wait, that's it?

Okay, okay.

I was, I was, I was living in Singapore, and then I traveled to different countries while I was living there.

Yeah, I don't think we're interested in the traveling part.

Why were you living in Singapore?

Oh, well, my uncle lived in Singapore for a very long time and he couldn't come to my Bat Mitzvah, so he said, since I can't come, do you just want to come out here?

Stay for a bit?

Wow.

While I was out there, traveled a lot.

I left Scott.

Thank you, Nick.

I tried to think of something quick when I'm Talking about my 13 year old self, so.

But I got to travel all over the place.

Listen, I.

I've lived overseas three separate times, so that was the first time.

Did your uncle hate you?

Like, hey, go check out this museum in Vietnam.

They love Americans in there.

Know if he knew what we were walking into either.

And honestly, my dad met me over there pre Vietnam, and that could have been entirely his idea.

Wow.

You're on war?

Oh, there was a lot of stops in different countries.

He just managed to make it before that trip to Vietnam.

Sarah.

Sarah came back from the museum and she was still like, in one piece.

Like, damn, next week we're going to Palestine.

Oh, my God.

Listen, I did live in Israel for some very scary times.

Okay, where all have you lived, technically?

Singapore, Israel and Indonesia.

Indonesia?

People live there?

Oh, things are just made there by kids.

I Didn't know people lived there.

I lived in Bali.

I worked in a hotel.

I worked in a resort when I was 18.

How old are you?

Oh, thank you guys for asking.

Appreciate it.

I'll be 31 tomorrow.

What?

It's okay because Facebook anymore.

Sarah.

Oh, my God.

I expected you to just remember without Facebook telling you, I gotta look up.

What my daughter's birthday is.

How did we forget what's happening right now?

Oh, my God.

How did.

So funny, too.

Wait, wait, wait.

Let me just explain.

When I hopped onto the Live earlier, Scott, I said, I'll be there tomorrow.

And you were complaining about my days off, and I said, well, it is my birthday tomorrow, so.

And then, I kid you not, you responded to the comment under mine.

I was working.

No, not quite.

I think it was still you that was there.

I can't.

You know what's so funny is last year, after.

After I did Chris's cameos, I said, hey, you gotta help me think of something for Nick and Sarah.

Because, like, Chris's was easy.

You know, Kelsey Ray, the.

The.

The Oompa Loompa, and Vince Papali.

So I'm like, we.

We've got to come up.

And we're like, I.

I think.

I think it's in January, so we have to, like, plan.

You literally had all of January too.

I mean, I said the guy from Outlander.

You did say the guy from Outlander.

If you.

If you had.

Oh, okay.

Sorry.

I had a moment.

If that had happened.

Spoiler alert.

He's in my room right now.

I'll be right there.

So, okay, hold on.

When I text everybody, hey, does anybody have anything this week?

Don't you think that would have been a good time to say, hey?

No, no, it's my birthday this week.

That would have been a good time.

Like, hey, you're hosting the show that night or something like that.

And I was not gonna put myself in.

In the.

That path.

Yeah, you're not on Facebook anymore, like Chris said.

So I.

I had no idea.

So what are you doing for each day you're going to Animal Kingdom for your birthday?

I don't know.

I.

I mean, we'll see.

I kind of want to spend money at the Lego store.

I kind of want to.

I kind of want to just go.

I literally, honestly want to go to Epcot to ride Guardians of the Galaxy, but I want to request the song that you hate, and I want to figure out a way to do that.

That's what I want to do for my book every.

Well, everybody wants to Roll the world.

That's the one you don't like.

I know.

And that's the one that I want to, you know.

So if I could line that up for my birthday, I'd be super happy.

Okay, why don't you, realistically, I don't.

Know, put in earbuds and just hit play when it launches.

That's a really good idea.

You're welcome.

So.

Okay, I.

I don't know how it works for girls.

I know.

Like for me on my birthday, I always get the empty promise of a blow job.

Is there anything that happens special for you for your birthday?

Well, this year, Mother Nature.

So that's not happening.

Yeah, it had a.

It had a.

Not that yet.

Thank God.

Sometimes it feels like it.

It's really hot in here right now.

And I was a little angry earlier, but I'm good now.

Wait a second.

You guys don't have the sex during Mother Nature?

Can I plead the fifth on that too?

Did you say she was going to animal kingd them tomorrow?

Straight people do that though.

Straight people do what during period?

Yeah, well, that's.

That's what I'm trying to find out right now.

I'm not, I guess.

But I also don't have sex when there's no Mother Nature, so.

Also, Mother Nature is like a three to five day thing, so it kind of depends.

Just saying.

Depends on the flow, depends on the pain and which day.

Correct.

Gotcha.

Correct.

Yeah.

Chris, you want to weigh in?

I've waited enough this week and I.

I'm not stepping on.

Oh, I.

I thought.

No, I'll abstain from this conversation.

This is.

This is making me sweat.

My co worker is about to bring me in some paper towels.

Jaws says in chat it's safe time.

I agree.

I agree.

It's save time.

Chat.

What do you.

What do you think?

Think?

Is it.

It?

Do I.

I abstain from all activities during, like what?

I'm with you, Nick.

Nick, I'm with you.

I'm with you.

Actually, I don't have question.

I just don't.

Yeah, well, okay.

There are some pros.

Essentially, burrito week.

I'm trying to put it in layman's terms.

You're putting it in gam's terms?

Gaming.

Listen, some of us don't care if it's a safe time any.

I mean, we.

Because.

Because some of us, you know, had, had planned for kids.

So you just.

It doesn't matter.

You just do it whenever.

You don't even think about it at that point.

Oh, okay.

You see, I'm 45.

I don't need any more kids, so.

Okay, so Nick, just put a number.

Scott.

Yes, it is just a number.

There, there, there.

There are some pros and cons here, so.

Pros, it's a much more sensitive area for the woman during that time.

So the likelihood of screaming, whoa, maybe me helping her reach her pinnacle of the experience is higher.

More likely two, it's safe time.

Unless they have aids.

And I was like, super dangerous.

Yeah.

Then it's like, is it like 100?

Like you can't get pregnant?

No STDs.

No.

Or STIs now.

Whatever the.

Well, I mean, I'm not having sex with a random during the period.

She could have picked something up on the subway, I don't know, off a toilet seat.

I've heard.

Yeah, we don't have subways here.

We know you've seen a few subways or a couple foot long.

I've seen a lot of fun.

Scott loves that guy from Subway.

Stop, Stop, Stop, stop.

They got him all over down there.

All right, let's check in with Giles Garmin.

And now it's time for the more you know.

And here's your host, Giles Gman.

Charles.

Garmin here, letting you know that on.

The next episode of into the Disney.

Verse, you can hear all about the history of a Disney's fast pass system.

You can hear new episodes of into.

The Disney Verse every Monday on all podcasting platforms.

That's D, I, Z, any Y, V.

E, R, S, E.

And that's all.

From me, Giles Garmin.

You need to wake up, Chris.

You need to wake up, Chris.

This isn't real, Chris.

This isn't real, Chris.

This is just a dream.

This is just a dream, Chris.

You need to stop blaming yourself.

Come on, Chris.

Come on, Chris.

Chris.

Chris, wake up, Chris.

Chris.

Chris, wake up.

This isn't real.

This isn't real.

You know the truth, Chris.

You know the truth, Chris.

You know what really happened.

What really happened?

You know what?

You know what?

You know.

Yeah.

Okay, so you're gonna.

He.

He told me.

You're the only one that's going to appreciate it.

I'm gonna need some information.

Well, me and.

Me and Sissy Gage, I'm going to have the same really weird sense of humor.

And that was just right up my alley.

That was a very.

That was a very like we.

That we send videos to each other.

He watches mine right away.

I wait about six weeks to watch his and I take a 45 minute shower and watch all of them.

When I'M not talking on the phone with Scott in the shower.

Yeah.

My wife was really thrown off guard by the way.

Really?

I called Chris because I had some.

Something to discuss with him.

And I put him on speakerphone because I'm outside, and she's like, is Chris in the shower?

And I'm like, yeah, yeah, he.

He does that.

That.

I have a soap holder in my shower.

It's not used for soap.

It's used for my phone.

Like, it's a 3M thing.

Like, I put it up there specifically for that.

And you put my.

You put your phone on, like, in the corner of it.

It fits perfectly so that the microphone and speaker is not covered by the soap holders.

You can tell them the truth.

It was my dick that you put your phone on.

It's just holding it up.

It's really sturdy.

It is, like, really, really sturdy.

It's sloped to the right.

To the right angle.

It's perfect angle for you perfectly.

It's eye level.

She says to me, she's like, does he get hard when you guys talk?

I said, probably.

He's probably touching himself.

It's like off and on, like, peaks and valleys type thing.

It just happens sometimes.

Yeah, it could be or could not be because of Scott.

It just happens.

Yeah, it happens.

We have really intense conversations sometimes, and sometimes the blood just rushes through the body.

All right, so anyway, you were explaining this bit.

Oh, that's about it.

There's really no explanation.

If you get it, you get it.

If you don't, then I feel sorry for you, but.

Okay.

All right, well, here's a.

A new segment, and if it goes well, I'll get a jingle for it.

But it's now time for our Sports update with Nick.

Ding ding, ding, ding dong ding dong.

What?

You said sports.

So how about them Panthers?

Are they the ones going to Super Bowl?

Not quite.

Oh, begin with the P.

Keep going, Keep going.

Philly.

Oh, Philadelphia.

Thank you.

That's why I was born and raised there.

Yeah.

Pretty familiar.

Were you really?

Yeah, I used to play B ball with my friends and.

Yeah.

And then I got kicked out, got sent to.

Yeah, yeah.

Gotcha.

Out of town for a while.

So super exciting.

The super bowl is coming up.

It is.

Which is the best time to sit and watch commercials.

I actually watch them.

It is.

Who's the.

Who's the halftime this year?

The halftime is a country star.

No, Rap.

R B.

Yeah.

Oh, rap.

We got it.

We got it it didn't we?

It's Kendrick Lamar, right?

It is Kendrick Lamar.

Who Dated a Kardashian.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm assuming everybody's dead or Kardashians.

So he's doing.

Didn't he do it recently?

I thought he did the halftime show.

He had a cameo.

Yeah, that was.

They all look the same.

He's getting a feature film this time.

It should be.

They should just do the halftime shows.

Wicked.

Let's be honest.

They would get so much better ratings.

I mean, halftime show is the only reason I've ever really watched it.

I mean, if you remember Janet Jackson's nipple popping out.

I do.

I took a screenshot.

I wish I was Justin in that moment, but actually, I wish I was her.

And just grabbed him back.

Yeah.

So that's the halftime.

The game is between the Philadelphia Eagles.

Congrats, Chris.

I'm excited for you to play the ball game.

Thank you.

That's exactly right.

Okay, so.

So Chris is going to be there.

He booked his vacation package to receive Piper Vacations, which apparently we offer super bowl packages now.

Guys, they'll probably be sold out by the time you listen to this, but we are offering those.

We have a company that we work with that's.

You can pretty much get it for the low cost of like $20,000.

We'll do it free.

Oh, my God.

The other team that's going to be there is Taylor Swift.

How about that?

She's back.

She was there last year.

Like, she's black.

No, we can't.

No.

What, they don't allow diversity anymore?

Not Missouri.

They don't.

No diversity there.

So.

Yeah.

So she's gonna be performing again.

I heard they're making other players go white face to the game.

I don't know what that was.

I don't know if you can do that either.

Pretty sure that's about all I know about sports.

There's guys in striped shirts there.

They'll have some cheerleaders, guys in tight pants.

So I'm excited.

That's.

That's amazing.

Are you going to watch?

No, no, I'll get the Cliff Nuts version.

Like, I don't know.

I'd watch for Taylor Swift just to see her, maybe.

But I'm not excited about the halftime show.

Oh, I like Kendrick Lamar.

I used to love the halftime shows.

Like.

Like, they did the big rap on last year was last year with a couple years ago.

Mary J.

Blige.

Whatever.

Yeah, it used to be, like, our favorite thing.

Now it's like me.

I haven't liked the halftime in quite some time.

Like, I think Bruno Mars was the last one that I liked.

I like Bruno Mars.

I liked Aerosmith.

And I was like, bruno Mars looks just white enough.

It's like the halftime show is always geared towards the gays and the women, let's be honest.

But it's not anymore.

We had Lady Gaga, which was amazing.

That was a good one.

Black Eyed Peas.

They sing live.

Nobody freaked out because they.

Their audio was bad and, like, they actually sang, so give them props.

Yes.

It's not.

Not the same with straight people, I guess.

Speaking of audio being bad, did anybody see Carrie Underwood at the inauguration?

No.

Her.

I'm sorry.

Wow.

I don't like her anymore.

Neither do I.

Her music stop or music didn't start, so she just had to sing acapella at the inauguration.

I guess when she went off stage or whatever, she, like, lost it on people, like, like, screaming and all that.

I think it was a setup.

I heard she smashed.

Took a Louisville Slugger and smashed a couple of headlights.

It's very possible.

Very possible.

Nick, thank you so much for the sports update.

I like this.

I like this.

It's just.

I'm just.

Yeah.

Oh, that's my favorite game to play is looking for the tip.

Like any sports game, I always look for the tip.

Like through the pants.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, in football, it's tough because I feel like they all wear cups.

No one wears a cup.

Oh, no one wears a cup.

They just free ball it.

Yeah, well, they wear jock straps, half of them.

It restricts the running, but, I mean.

Have you seen those guys?

They're huge.

They got footlongs.

Yeah.

Do you watch football for the tip?

No, I don't watch football for anything.

I.

I will have to say there.

I used to.

I used to do ballet, and I used to, like, watch ballet, and there was a lot of tip going on in those tights, and it was like, how is this appropriate?

How was you doing ballet appropriate?

How is this whole conversation appropriate?

Really?

How is anything I say appropriate?

Anyway, moving on.

Chris, we need a.

An AI picture of that later.

So, Chris, speaking of the Eagles, what.

What are your super bowl plans?

Oh, we're having everyone over here.

So during the game, we had my parents over and Emily's mom and stepdad over, and my mom looks to me and she goes, should I have another super bowl party?

Because back in 2017 or 2018, I guess it was when the Eagles were in the super bowl.

My mom had the super bowl party, and then when they went back, she had a cereal party, and then she looked at me.

She should have another party.

I say, no.

It's like, absolutely not.

I said, ellie's bed's right upstairs.

We can just walk her right upstairs and put her to bed.

Because I think we have a baby now.

We're having it here.

Which, which is, which sucks, but is also great because hosting is the worst.

But potluck hosting, I've learned, is very great.

You start to complain, like, oh, the baby's taking up so much time, not sure we're gonna be able to get for dinner.

And they're like, oh, we'll just buy cheese steaks for everyone.

All right, yeah, that sounds fair.

All.

You know, and so, yeah, I've been potluck hosting.

I didn't even let my sister over yesterday without bringing something.

We're all, she's on speakerphone with Emily and I and she's like, should I bring something?

Emily's like, no, no, no.

I was like, what?

It's like, bring some beer.

I said, my, you know, my mom's bringing salad.

We're making, we're making.

Emily's making ziti.

Our parents are bringing dessert.

You got to bring the alcohol.

So she did.

And she was, you know, I just got to bring something to the table.

Right?

You can't just come over and play with my child without, you know, empty handed.

That's brilliant.

That's brilliant potluck hosting.

Okay.

You know, this is the first.

I'm sorry.

Every time that the Eagles have gone to the Super Bowl, I, I, I've rooted.

I've rooted for them.

Except for two years ago when I won the job playoff pool because I, I was assigned the Kansas City chief, so of course I had to root for them.

But this should be a good one, I think.

I think it'll be a fun game.

I wanted the Chiefs.

I wanted revenge.

You did.

You did.

I wanted the Patriots in 2017 to finish the story, and now we have to finish the story against the Chiefs.

I'll probably be eating my, Eating my words, but that's all right.

That's all right.

So we, we never got to talk about this, but what were your thoughts on Saquon sitting out the last game of the season and not going for the single season Rushing.

Selfishly, Selfishly hated it.

But I understood because if he were to go in there and, like, sprayed his ankle or something.

Achilles.

Yeah, anything.

It's just not worth it.

And if he gets 30 some more yards, he'll, he'll, you know, have the record for most yards in a season ever, including postseason.

Will beat Terrell Davis's Record.

And, you know, who cares.

Who cares about a rushing record if you get.

If you win the Super Bowl?

That's the other thing, too.

They have Russian records.

Yeah.

So ever since.

Ever since 2016, Trump implemented this Russian record, and he held it from 2016 to 2020.

Yeah.

Someone.

The Eagle was trying to.

Trying to get it back.

Yeah.

So, yeah, you know, who cares?

Who wants to have a record that lives forever?

You know, he was pretty upset.

You could tell.

But I.

I was.

I was hoping they would do it.

I was.

I was in nightmares about it, Scott.

I was.

I was literally going to sleep and dreaming about the Eagles putting him in and him getting hurt.

It was that bad.

I was losing sleep over it.

Over.

Over.

Are they gonna do it or they're not gonna do it?

No, they didn't do it.

I'm glad because now, you know, look at him last night.

Gave him the ball, and he just does a little spitty thing and just stays on his feet and runs 60 yards into the end zone.

Love it.

Love it.

I love it.

Wouldn't be able to do that if he had a dead Achilles like me.

Yeah.

So I do have a fun game, and this is a fun game for just Nick and Sarah.

Okay.

Okay.

I am going to name.

I'm gonna call out football terms, and you guys have to tell me what they mean.

I love this.

Okay.

I have one as well if you don't use it, because I think this will be a really good one, but go ahead.

Okay.

So if you think you know it.

Actually, you know what?

If.

If you think you know it, say your name.

Whoever buzzes in first, I'll go to you.

And then if the first person doesn't get it right, the second person has a chance to steal.

Okay.

All right.

So this is just Nick and Sarah only.

Here we go.

First, one.

Audible.

Audible.

May I.

Can you use it in a sentence?

The quarterback called an audible.

Is that when they're all hands are on the.

On the balls?

They're just.

They're describing the soccer balls.

Did somebody yell something at somebody?

Somebody does.

Close.

That's close.

That's very close.

So all the balls is what Nick heard.

Sarah says someone yells something at somebody.

Chris, do you know the answer as.

An audible is, for example, if the quarterback doesn't like what he sees, the play that was originally called, the quarterback calls an audible and changes the play.

Very good.

Very good.

All right.

Makes no sense, but okay, sure, whatever.

We're gonna give that point to Sarah.

She was the closest.

Really?

That was really Close.

Yeah, very close.

Okay, next word, guys.

Blitz.

Blitz.

Easy.

Okay.

They get drunk after the game.

Hey, let's go get blitz, sucker.

Do they go in two different directions?

Okay, they go in two different directions or what?

They drink after the game.

They're bisexual.

Wow.

I'm never gonna look at football the same now.

This was a really good idea, Chris.

What is the answer?

So a blitz is when somebody, instead of dropping back into coverage, goes and.

And tries to sack the quarterback.

That's not very nice.

It.

All right, this is.

This is a tough one because I didn't always know what this was.

You ready?

The other ones weren't tough.

Box.

Box.

I'm gonna text you a term, Scott.

All right?

Okay.

I don't know this one.

It.

It feels literal.

Yeah, you block somebody in, I guess.

Like you, like.

No, like you.

You box them in, but by blocking them.

I don't know.

Okay, do they, like, ring a little bell and it's like wrestling and they have to box each other type thing to get the ball back.

How's that work?

They.

Okay, so they box.

This is actually.

This is actually a woman's vagina.

That was my second guess.

Chris, what is a box?

The box is the area on the field where you.

So a quarterback can look and say, oh, there's this many people in the box.

It's a literal box, imaginary box that you have to see how many defenders are in, which is kind of in the center of hash marks.

There's another line now that they don't show on the tv, Correct.

Because they show, like, the yellow line on the tv and it moves and it's confusing.

It's an imaginary box like the one that Scott.

Essentially.

It's essentially the box of protection that the offensive line makes around the quarterback.

Do they put their hands up to their mouth like that too?

Because you're like, let's fight it.

All right, touchback.

Touchback.

Sarah?

I don't know you.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Nick, any guesses for touchback?

Oh, I 100 know this one, actually.

So it's when the quarterback is reaching back to snap the ball back to the other guy, but instead he touches his ass.

I love how you got.

He touches his ass.

I got real quiet.

Chris.

Touchback.

Touchback is on a kickoff or a.

Or a punt when the ball gets kicked into the end zone.

The ball gets placed at the 25 yard line.

Fine.

Very good.

That makes no sense, the word touchback.

All right, Crack, back, block, crack, back, block.

That's when the really hot muscle daddies come out that do the, like, massages to them, they're just, like, rubbing it out on the field.

Sarah, sounds more like pool.

Okay.

Like, I.

I don't.

I hate sports.

Chris, do you know what a crack back block is?

I do.

I don't.

I don't.

It's something very different in New Jersey, actually.

The crack block.

It'S a football term for a type of surprise block.

So the wide receiver will line up out wide, then motion closer toward the formation after the snap, will deliver a blind side block to the defender on the edge, allowing the play to move outside.

I watched the movie the blind side and wasn't at all fake.

That was a good one.

Didn't it come out that it like he or they stole of his money or.

I don't even know.

Something like that.

Yes.

Yeah, Scott, I'm texting you.

I know.

I'm seeing that.

And just, Just do a couple.

But.

Okay.

Couple more.

Spread formation.

Spread formation.

We'll talk about this on the air.

Scott, is that not just how they line up on the field when you start?

Okay.

All right.

Oh, this is when Beyonce came out to do that Beyonce bowl.

And she's not from the formation.

Chris.

Spread formation.

A spread formation is almost exactly how it sounds.

It's a formation of football where players are spread.

That's with.

For a lack of a better definition.

Are they doggy style or on a 4?

Like, actually a little bit of both.

Yeah, a little bit of both.

Kind of like the sport now.

So we're gonna give that one to Sarah because she essentially got it.

All right, End around.

End around.

Is that like the human centipede?

Okay, Human centipede.

Sarah, do you have a guess?

I just picture, like, one of those moves where they, like, pull a trick on somebody and.

And.

And run around them.

Okay.

Is that.

Is that football or basketball?

I guess they do it in both.

I don't know.

That's a pick in basketball.

I know that one.

Oh, I'm impressed.

All right, Chris.

End around.

End around is a play where a wide receiver will run into the backfield and get the handoff instead of the running back.

A hand job in the backfield day for me.

I have.

I have a couple bonus phrases.

Phrases to.

To give them.

Go for it.

So here's a couple bonus phrases.

So what would this mean if the commentator said, that hole was so big you could drive a truck through it?

Sounds like a bottom in a glory hole.

Sounds like somebody who's been around the block too.

Many times.

Chris.

So this would mean that the offensive line provided a.

An opening wide enough, very wide, that you could literally drive a truck through it.

I'm gonna do one or two more.

And what would.

What would this situation mean if the commentator said he came from his blind side and nailed him from behind?

Are we still talking about football?

I was watching that porno last night.

I think it was two dudes want a cup.

I was gonna vote your night last night, but then you.

You took it.

Last.

Last phrase.

What would this mean if he found his tight end?

Oh, is that the end of it?

That's it.

He found the tight end.

He found a virgin.

You could.

You could even go as far as saying there could be a situation where he goes deep and finds his tight end.

Oh, it was a twink virgin.

Perfect, actually.

That's perfect.

I think Miranda and Chat's got one.

And if you want to chat with us, just watch us.

Every week, Monday, 8:00pm Eastern Standard Time, live on YouTube.

The coverage sucked.

Defense.

Oh, very good.

That was good.

Pretty much.

I wasn't going to say that, but.

Well, that was super fun, guys.

I love that.

Just came up with that out of nowhere.

We should.

I just realized how uneducated I am in football.

The funny thing is, I knew none of those.

I've heard some, but I.

I didn't know what they meant.

Yeah, we'll have to.

We won't do this every week, but we'll have to around, like when mlb, when the baseball season starts, or maybe all star weekend for the NBA.

We come up with, like, NBA phrases.

Scott, you're using a lot of acronyms right now.

I love this.

Yes, I saw some.

I saw some other gay ones, too, that I'll bring back sometimes.

I know we did the game.

Yeah, we got to do gay 101 again.

That was super fun.

Yeah, Yeah, I saw the list of those, too.

So we'll get there.

And.

And we have to do the.

The special buzzer that Chris and I did.

Where we have to.

Anyway.

All right, you guys ready to play Jersey, man?

Florida, man.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Where the.

Flipping a fanboat or crash in a truck.

These states are filled with people who suck.

So it's time for us to play.

New Jersey man versus Florida man.

Every week, game master Ryan brings us two news stories.

One is from Jersey, one is from Florida.

It is up to us to determine which one is which.

Take it away, Ryan.

Hey, guys, this is Ryan, your in the field news reporter for the Parents Night out news team.

And I am reporting to you live from a house in Ohio where a man is apparently hoarding beef broth like P.

Diddy hoards baby oil.

We at the Parents Night out news team have done a little deep dive into this and suspect that the man may be trying to poison his husband, simply known as Gay Nick, in hopes to make him handicapped, thus fulfilling some sick fetish of his.

We've also heard reports of a man in New Jersey.

Sarah, please don't interrupt.

Of a man in New Jersey who is smearing baby on his face like war paint.

His family says it has only improved the smell that he normally has.

Now that Tick Tock has returned after half a day, we have received reports that a man that is perfect for a before picture for the hymns company has resumed his midlife crisis on TikTok.

And by mid, I mean the modern interpretation, which means mediocre, which is how his daughter uses the word.

Remember when that was a segment?

Ah, I see he's live now from the Disney parks.

Looks like he's standing in front of the gorilla enclosure.

It's happy MLK Day, everybody.

Well, that seems right on brand for him.

And lastly, in the world of sports, it sounds like the Eagles have made their way into the Super Bowl.

I attended a pep rally in Philadelphia where the mayor had this to say.

E, L, G, L, E, S.

Eagles man.

You guys think that North Carolinians can't.

I can't spell.

Anyways, let's get into our Florida man and Jersey man stories.

And for our first, man has two toes amputated after being bit by a venomous spider.

And for our second story, a restaurant is apologizing after naming a burger the Proud Bowl.

Oh, all right, so context about the Eagles thing.

The mayor of Philadelphia did the Eagles chant and spelled Eagles wrong, and now.

And now they're selling T shirts with the misspelling and everything.

Is that why is.

I saw cupcakes and it was like, GSE doesn't look like it's spelled right.

Yeah.

Mayor of Philadelphia.

Oh, that's great.

That's hilarious.

Yeah.

All right.

The south isn't exclusive to bad politics.

All right, Nick, what are your thoughts?

You're muted.

All right, so proud boys.

I feel definitely Florida.

Okay, Sarah, I think I agree.

That's got to be Florida.

Chris, we have some proud boy wannabes in New Jersey, so I'm gonna say proud boys New Jersey.

They're like, semi proud boys.

I'm going proud boys in New Jersey as well, because if that was in Florida, they wouldn't apologize.

They would say, you're welcome.

Yeah.

All right, let's find out the answers.

So our first story is from Florida where a Fort Myers man had two toes amputated after being bit by a brown recluse spider.

I was worried that this might happen to Chris after he found that black widow spider in his yard.

Then again, Chris wouldn't have known if he got bit by that spider because he can't feel his toes.

We all know why.

Diabetes.

That means.

Our second story is from New Jersey, where a restaurant in Tom's River, New Jersey has received backlash after having a burger named the Proud Boys Burger.

For those of you that don't know, the Proud Boys is a far right neo fascist military organization that promotes and engages in political violence, which I am totally not a part of.

This burger is described as featuring white American cheese, onion ring, layers of true truth, desilence, pickles, freedom fries, cancer culture, coleslaw, and featuring a liberty sauce.

Since the backlash, the restaurant has pulled the Proud Boy Burger and has issued a apology on Facebook.

But I have some ideas of what could take the place of the Proud Boy Burger on their menu.

Maybe you could do a build the wall nachos with a nice Joe Biden tapioca pudding for dessert.

And in other news from the UK where a former doctor has been jailed for five years and seven months after admitting that he caused painful and cruelty to children by running a mobile circumcision service.

The report says he traveled around the UK performing non therapeutic male circumcisions, meaning there was no medical reason for the procedure on patients up to the age of 14.

One tool had a rusty serrated edge while others had not been properly sterilized.

Some of his procedures left children screaming in agony.

Also, a number of children had to be taken to the hospital.

One almost died.

Boy, this guy's really cutting corners, huh?

I don't think Scott would use this doctor, but I'm pretty sure his vet's last name is Kevorkian.

So there's no telling, really.

Anyways, that's it for me this week.

Back to you guys.

Oh my God.

So you know what's really funny is when he said Proud Boys Burger, I'm like, this is probably super South Jersey in the sticks and it was a town I'm very familiar with for that reason.

Oh, that's funny.

And he wasn't joking.

I'm looking at the menu right now.

The Proud Boys Burger, White American cheese, onion ring, layers of truth, resilience, pickles, freedom fries, cancel culture call.

So I think the most, the worst Part about this is the white American cheese part of the ingredients, so.

So it was definitely as intentional as Elon Musk's Nazi salute.

Wait, I'll tell you what, this place looks like a nice restaurant too.

Oh, yeah.

I guess they shouldn't be selling this.

Chris, you got any Cliff Notes?

I do.

It's been quite the show.

A lot of stuff's happened, so nothing can stop this little boy from recapping the day the Chris's Cliffs Notes way.

All right, so we just talked about the Proud Boys burger, which is absolutely insane.

Meanwhile, Scott just charged 1200 to Rachel's credit card for doordash from New Jersey.

The Eagles beat the Washington Commanders this weekend.

And I think that the only person more excited than me was Scott about this because he's been telling me for years how much he hates the Redskins.

Oh, my God.

Scott said that he's very good at table touching, and by the looks of it, he's great at touching everything else on the table as well.

I swear, the only reason he works at a restaurant is to sample the menu you while people are eating.

It changes every week.

Why does this menu keep changing?

Scott said that during his embarrassing moment, he froze for five seconds, and it felt like five minutes.

Now, Rachel did confirm that he often confuses five seconds with five minutes.

We talk sports with Nick and Sarah, and, man, were they confused.

I haven't seen someone that confused since Rachel, when Scott said it is in.

And lastly, we talked about the entertainment on our Australian cruise.

I called Nick about it and said, that was absolutely disgusting.

Scott called Nick about it to book the cruise.

Those are my Cliff Notes.

Thank you so much, Chris.

Anybody got anything exciting and fun this week going on?

Oh, you know what?

Something happened today.

It was pretty funny.

I'll just send you guys pictures.

I put it on my Instagram story.

But since the Eagles won the NFC Championship, me and my mom went to Dick's Sporting Goods Day to get the shirts, the NFC championship shirts.

And it's at the mall here that my closest Dicks is at the mall.

Unless Nick's in town, then it's upstairs.

But so we go to the mall and, like, let's walk around the mall a little bit.

So we.

We get Ellie out.

Like, oh, my gosh, we forgot the stroller.

So we went.

And sometimes malls have, like, strollers you can rent.

The only stroller they had to rent was, like, a.

A Jeep.

Like, with a Jeep.

Yeah.

So it was 12 dol dollars to rent that.

And we're, like, going and knocking over all these things in stores.

It was.

We were hitting so many things.

That's so funny.

And.

Yeah, so I'll.

I'll post a picture in the discord.

Say, any pictures?

Yeah.

And.

But she absolutely loved it.

And it was.

I gave her three baths when we got home because this looks disgusting.

Sarah, any big plans other than the birthday tomorrow?

No, I can't think of anything.

I'm still trying to figure out what we're doing for my birthday.

Well, I thought Animal Kingdom.

Well, that was my husband's idea.

Oh.

I mean, I know he's like.

I think he's trying to plan something for me, but, you know, I'm lost.

Yeah, something like that.

But I'm trying to be a little selfish, too.

Okay, well, it's your birthday.

You should be selfish a little bit.

At least your birthday's tomorrow, Sarah.

Thanks.

Thank you so much for reminding me.

No, actually, I found a gray hair today, so I don't want to talk about it.

I'm jealous it took this long one.

No, no, no.

It's.

It's definitely not the.

Actually, I was really pissed last week because, as we know, my hair is all the way down.

Wow, it is long.

Literally, my ass.

And I found a gray that was long, and I was infuriated with myself that it made it that far.

Yeah.

Got to pluck those things.

If I plucked them, I'd be half bald.

Lewis is trying to embrace the salt and pepper, and I am so far from it.

I've never dyed my hair or anything.

So we're trying to keep away from the gr.

White people aren't good at salt and pepper.

They don't like the spices.

Nick, you got anything going on with the kids this week?

Between my husband and Piper.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

So we actually just found out that Piper was.

Or is, I guess the student of.

The month just won that, too.

So we get to go to school Friday morning and have a special breakfast.

She gets a T shirt or something.

Yeah.

What was really awesome on top of that is our neighbor.

Her best friend Ezra got to do the month as well, too.

And my niece got it for the month of January.

Oh, nice.

Oh, my God.

All three of them will be celebrating.

Is Piper better?

Obviously.

Better than Ezra?

Obviously.

Yeah.

Yeah, she's.

You guys are way too young, I guess, to get that reference.

No.

Wasn't there a band better than Ezra?

Crickets.

Oh, no.

Ryan, cue the crickets.

It's not 1950s pop culture.

I have no idea.

On top of that, we are actually leaving Friday night to go to Florida and going on our Disney cruise this weekend.

Oh, nice.

It's my first, my first trip of the year.

Who had, who had the end of January, Nick's first trip.

So we'll be celebrating.

Sean's birthday is Friday, so we fly to Florida, going on the Disney Treasure on Saturday for a week with my parents.

So really excited.

That's very exciting.

Nice.

Well, I, I close seven out of the next 10 days, so I'm pretty much not getting laid for the next two weeks.

But nothing new.

Nothing new.

Just.

Anyway, what was your excuse for the last two weeks?

What does that have to do with the kids though?

Nothing.

Nothing.

I'm not going to see my kid.

So.

Anyway, Nick, where can our listeners find you?

So you can find me on the Instagram at Emotional Support, Gaynick and all social media platforms at Sanpiper Vacations.

Sarah, you can find me on the TikTok at Super Sarah 94 or on the Whatnot at Old Soul Thrift.

Chris.

When I'm out on the dark web uncovering the government secrets, you can find me on Instagram @chrisyab or tick tock again @chrisyabnf.

Been posting some tic tacs recently, Alex.

Like my acquaintance Giles Garmin said, just search Disney verse D I z any Y V e R S e on social media platform.

We have recently made a free Discord Discord channel in our Discord server.

So join up and you can connect with all of us, all of our website, all of our links are right there on our website nonewfriendspodcast.com while you're there, check out our sweet merchandise, Join our clubhouse, become a Patreon member for just as low as $2 per month.

Also, if you listen to us on Apple or Spotify, please leave us a review and a five star rating.

That really helps us out in the algorithm and we really appreciate that.

And.

And don't forget to check us out on YouTube every Monday night, 8pm Eastern Standard Time and the TikTok every other Monday at theparks.

New new friends.

On behalf of Giles Garmin, Game Master Ryan, our producer, Alex Nick.

Sarah, Chris.

I'm Scott.

Thank you so much for listening.

We'll see you next time.

See you later.

Poopy Bus no new friends Just the.

Old and the bold in the world of chaos we're the world as you hold Scott.

Chris.

Sarah.

A naked tale to be told.

Welcome to the podcast.

We're adulting unfolds we're adulting unfolds we're adulting unfolds.